Chapter 1: You Can't Go Home Again

"Mother, oh dear mother, I wasn't joking when I said

That I plan to keep doing this until the day I'm dead

And I'm not a mirror for you when you were young"

Faithful Son, Frank Turner

Even at fifteen years old, Hitomi knew that she would miss Van Fanel forever. Now, ten years later, that was still true. The time between remembering and forgetting grew longer, but then an ache would creep in like a robber slinking its way through her heart. It would take a moment for her body to clue into what hurt, the difference between the ache of missing him and other types of pain. On days like today, she would find herself sitting alone on the floor of her London flat in an oversized t-shirt and underwear, eating ice cream directly from the container. There was beauty and an awfulness in her grief because she knew that she would never completely move on from him. Your first love was complicated that way. If she did have to miss him forever, at least he was someone worth missing.

Hitomi was digging into her ice cream when her mobile pinged. 'Okaasan' flashed across the screen. Hitomi was going to click ignore the call but thought better of it. She'd ignored her mother's last few phone calls, and if she didn't answer, it would cause a bigger headache later.

"Hello?" She said when she finally answered. Her spoon began to dribble ice cream down her arm, and she tried vainly to catch it with her tongue.

"Hitomi, is this a good time?" her mother asked. Hitomi was usually at work when her mother called, leading to clipped conversations.

"Yeah, it's fine," Hitomi mumbled while trying to lick the trail of chocolate that was now down by her elbow.

"What have I said about the mumbling, Hitomi? A young lady of your age shouldn't mumble. Honestly, I don't know how they put up with it at your work." Kaede's words stung, and Hitomi unconsciously blushed in response. "I'm calling to see if you are packed. You are still coming tomorrow, right?"

"Yes, I am still coming. I'm all packed. I leave directly after work tomorrow." Hitomi replied breezily, although she winced slightly at her lie. She could see her unpacked suitcase sitting on her bed. "Is Mamo-chan excited?

"Hitomi, it's an international flight. Are you sure it is wise to be at work until you have to leave? I know you get so caught up in your job… I'd hate for you to miss your flight." Kaede continued, ignoring her daughter's question about her brother.

"I don't have that much vacation saved up. Besides, I need to prepare a briefing on the case I'm working on so that someone can pick it up while I am away." Hitomi sighed. It wasn't a complete lie, but she wasn't exactly looking forward to her trip home. She was going home for her little brother's wedding, and the thought of being there as his older, unattached sister made her want to gag.

"What are you working on this time? More sex workers? Or that internet guy?" Kaede grimaced. They both knew Kaede wasn't keen on Hitomi's job since it required Hitomi to relocate to England and was used as an excuse for Hitomi's perpetual singledom.

"You know I can't take about an active case. But, yes, it's another Human Rights file." Hitomi sighed. She could hear her mother's usual lecture about how nice it was that Mamoru was getting married because Kaede did want to be a grandmother someday. Hitomi couldn't help that she was married to her job as a lawyer.

"Well, get to the airport at least 4 hours early. It's an international flight… and I'd hate for you to miss your brother's wedding because you got caught up at work." Kaede continued.

"I'll get there on time," Hitomi replied, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration. Mamoru's wedding was not for another six days, and she had plenty of time to get there even if she missed her flight.

"Oh, and I wanted to ask if you were sure you didn't want to bring someone to the wedding. It would be nice to have a date; you should have a date at your age." Her mother needled, unable to pick up on the tension that bristled on Hitomi's end of the phone call. "Seki-san's son would love to take you."

"Seki-san, as in Tousan's boss? That would be too awkward. I want to enjoy Mamo-chan's day, not worry about some blind date." Hitomi refuted. She could feel a slight twitch start to form behind her right eye. The idea of going to the wedding with her father's boss' son was worse than the idea of going solo.

"Just think about it. Well, I must dash, I love you." Her mother concluded and hung up before Hitomi could reply.

Left alone again with her thoughts, Hitomi slammed her head against the wall. She never understood her family and why her marital status seemed to define so much of her value as a daughter. She was successful, the youngest barrister at Doughty Street Chambers to take on cases like Saoirse Ryan, who was made famous by leaking documents about government surveillance in the UK. That case had landed her international headlines, and she had won. None of that mattered to her family because her ring finger was ringless.

Getting up, she began to throw clothing haphazardly into her suitcase. Glancing out her window, she saw a flash of Van sitting in the glass's reflection. That was how their connection worked; he showed up in flashes here and there. It always felt strange to her; she assumed that it was when he was thinking of her, but the reality was that she had no idea how it worked. He always appeared precisely as she remembered him, perpetually fifteen. She was glad he still thought of her all these years, even if the time between 'visits' grew longer and longer. She tried not to focus too hard on his apparent lack of aging, as the mechanics of interdimensional communication were beyond her understanding.

She wondered if he had the same pressure to have a romantic partner. She supposed it was likely that he was married by now. Isn't that what royals were supposed to do? Marry and produce children? The idea made her skin feel uncomfortably itchy. Her current feelings for Van were complicated. She still missed him but wasn't convinced she was still in love with him. The idea of still being in love with him felt too illogical and hopelessly naïve. Hitomi was more sensible than that.

Throwing the last few items in her suitcase, Hitomi dug out her carry-on and grabbed her passport. She would need to take her luggage into the office tomorrow, which meant she'd need an Uber in the morning. She did not want to have to try to navigate transit with a packed suitcase and an overloaded backpack. Satisfied with her packing progress, she went to her shower. If she was going to have a nearly fourteen-hour flight tomorrow, she at least wanted to be clean. Looking in her bathroom mirror, she examined herself critically. Her body was still athletic but had lost some of its angularness with age. Her eyes were still vibrant green but looked tired from physical and mental exhaustion. She had grown her honey-coloured hair past her shoulders, although she typically kept it swept up in a bun to keep it off her face and neck. Scrunching her nose in dissatisfaction, Hitomi turned on the hot water and abandoned her examination.

Satisfied that she was now clean, she brushed her teeth and got ready for bed. Tomorrow would be a long day, and the following two weeks would be even more exhausting. She would have begged off the occasion if she did not love her brother, claiming a need to work. Mamoru was her little brother, and she felt obligated to go and at least size up his fiancée. She had never met her in the two years that Mamoru and Jennifer had been dating. Jennifer was American, and they had met on an exchange program and were by all accounts inseparable. Much to her mother's chagrin, the wedding would be completely Westernized; they had even skipped the yuinou.

Curling up in bed, Hitomi tried to fall asleep. After hours of tossing and turning, she got up, went to her small sofa, and turned on the TV. Attempting to drown out her brain with the noise of the television was not uncommon. She was nervous about going home; she hadn't returned to Japan since graduating high school when she first moved to England to study at university. She'd assumed she'd return after finishing her studies but always found a reason to stay away. Perhaps it was the strained relationship with her parents or the desire to avoid the places that reminded her most of Gaea, but either way, she was terrified to go 'home.' Twisting into a ball, Hitomi fell asleep to the television drone with uneasy dreams haunting her mind.

Van allowed himself very few vices, but 'visiting' Hitomi on a stressful day was one of the few he kept. He would sneak to the palace's roof and stare at the Mystic Moon. It was less visiting her as it was reminiscing. He couldn't see her beyond picturing her in his mind. In that way, she was perpetually as she appeared in his memory — bright, beautiful and eternally fifteen. He always pictured her being joyful and full of laughter. Those memories brought him solace on the hard days. He was driven to create a world that would make Hitomi proud. Unfortunately, today had been burdensome. He had never truly learned to excel at diplomacy and was still more comfortable as a soldier. He was known as a warrior king, and that was his comfort realm. Today, the news of another proposed marriage contract was brought out. He found these conversations tiresome. He did not want to marry for political advantage. While he had given up the idea of marrying Hitomi years ago, he had not given up the idea of marrying for love. His council was generally well-behaved in respecting this decision, but responding to the request required a level of tact that he did not naturally possess.

Looking up at the sky, Van could not help but wonder what kind of woman Hitomi had grown into. He wondered if she was already married and had children. Mostly, he wished he could talk to her. He missed the lilt of her voice and the sound of her laugh. He had grown up in so many ways, but when it came to Hitomi, he was still a hapless teenager mooning about after a girl he could not have. It was hard to believe that this marked the tenth year since the Destiny War and her return to the Mystic Moon. He hoped that wherever she had ended up, she was happy.

Merle sadly peered at her king and adopted brother from around a ridge. Lord Van had been spending more time lately on the roof, and she knew he was missing Hitomi. She was worried about him and had secretly hoped that he would take this as the push he needed to see Hitomi in person. The catgirl knew that Hitomi was likely married by now, and Lord Van needed the closure. However brief, a visit to the Mystic Moon would be something Lord Van needed, but Merle knew that he'd never disrupt Hitomi's life. Lord Van was both selfish and selfless regarding Hitomi and her memory.

He realized he was not alone on the roof immediately after her arrival. Van patiently waited for Merle to announce herself. Sighing at the loss of his solitude, he weighed his options. He could tell her he knew she was there or wait for her to announce herself. Likely, she had been sent by the council to remind him of the diplomatic reception that he was supposed to be hosting that evening. Another event he was not looking forward to because it required stuffy formal attire and even stuffier conversation. However, representatives from Asturia, Zaibach, Fried, and Daedalus gathered in Fanelia to discuss trade routes. Unfortunately, one of the representatives from Zaibach was the young lady who was proposed as a political marriage match. The Zaibach empire and his council felt it was a good way to demonstrate to the rest of Gaea that the Destiny War was well and truly over.

"Lord Van?" Merle tentatively asked.

"Yes, Merle?" Van answered with a sigh.

"You are thinking about her again," Merle said as more of a statement than a question.

"Yes," Van replied. He wasn't in the habit of lying to Merle.

"Could you not go see her, Lord Van? You've visited her before." Merle asked innocently, not realizing that he had asked himself the same question for years.

"No, I don't want to disrupt her life. I don't want to worry her." Van said firmly. It was the tone of voice he used when he did not want to be contradicted.

Merle winced at his tone; he did not use it with her frequently. She had heard it enough times with his council to recognize it instantly. "I came to get you for dinner. You're expected to lead the toast."

"I know Merle. Just give me a minute, and I'll come down." Van said, softening his tone, and he gently ruffled her hair like he did when they were younger. Turning one last gaze towards the Mystic Moon, he followed Merle downstairs to his waiting guests.

Hitomi's day had been the proverbial workday from hell. Janet, her director, was riding her ass about deadlines and her upcoming trip, and she was convinced it was Bryan who had stolen her lunch yet again. By the time she was ready to log off for the day, she was late, hungry and exhausted. The last thing she wanted to do was try to get to Heathrow during rush hour and get on a long plane flight halfway around the world. Hitomi wondered if she could change her flight; staying in London for a few extra days would calm Janet down. The only downside would be dealing with her mother, which was scary enough for Hitomi to go to the Heathrow Express at Paddington station.

Hitomi made it through security in the nick of time. When she reached her gate, her plane was already boarding. Pleased that she had splurged on business class, Hitomi went to her seat and attempted to get settled. She placated Janet by agreeing to bring her work laptop and phone for 'emergencies.' This usually meant that she would be called repeatedly at all hours for the most mundane things. Her stomach growled, and she cursed Bryan, the office lunch thief again. She sighed, and her thoughts wandered to Gaea when she was more concerned with staying alive than whether or not she had a packed lunch. She wondered what her fifteen-year-old self would think of her now, so consumed by office nonsense. She wasn't convinced her younger self would take pride in her life at twenty-five; she suspected that her younger self would find it lonely. Shrugging off the thought, she sent her mother a quick text message, letting her know she would be taking off shortly. Not waiting for the response, she flicked her phone to 'airplane mode' and started to scroll through the movie and television options.

Fifteen hours later, Hitomi finally landed and made it through customs. Leaving the secure part of the airport, Hitomi made her way towards the exit, trying to decide if she should take public transit or spring for a cab. She was surprised to hear something that sounded like her name being called loudly across the airport. She was even more surprised to be tackled by a tall blond woman she'd never met before.

"HITOMI!" The blonde woman exclaimed loudly while giving her an incredibly tight squeeze.

Hitomi wheezed slightly at the impact and attempted to disentangle herself from the girl. Twisting her body, she saw her brother smiling broadly behind her. Finally connecting the dots, Hitomi realized that the girl hugging her must be Jennifer, Mamoru's fiancée.

"Hi?!" Hitomi responded to the girl's shouts with mild confusion; she wasn't used to this level of exuberance. The girl let her go, and the two women stared at each other. Jennifer was the definition of a Southern Belle: blonde and curvaceous. She had tanned skin with a spray of freckles across her nose and big blue eyes. She looked like she belonged on the cover of a magazine. Hitomi, by comparison, felt grubby. Hitomi was still in her pencil skirt and blouse from work, but both were hopelessly dishevelled and wrinkly from the flight. She was wearing old, worn-out runners compared to Jennifer's designer heels. By comparison, she felt small and filthy.

"Oh, Momo! You didn't tell me your sister was pretty!" Jennifer cooed, utterly oblivious to Hitomi's inner monologue.

"Momo?" Hitomi cocked her eyebrow at her brother, who had the decency to at least blush at the nickname.

"I totally forgot to introduce myself! I'm Jennifer! I'm going to be your new sister!" Jennifer squealed and went in for another hug.

"Alright, enough now, Jenn," Mamoru Kanzaki smiled at his bride-to-be, "You're going to freak my sister out."

Hitomi gave her brother a knowing look; he was utterly smitten, and Hitomi could tell that Jennifer had a hold on him. She smiled, happy that her brother had found someone who made him so happy. Disentangling herself from Jennifer, the trio headed towards the car park and her parents' car. Settling in the back seat, Hitomi leaned her head back. She was content to listen to her brother and his fiancée banter back and forth about wedding details. Turning her gaze out the window, she saw another flash of Van and couldn't help but wonder if the reason she was seeing him so frequently was due to her being back in Japan. Between flashes of Van and two weeks spent with her family, Hitomi did not know what to expect. Hitomi closed her eyes and let the exhaustion from her travel overtake her.

Van was hiding again, at least this time in his study. Turning down Zaibach's marriage proposition proved more challenging than he had anticipated. His council was pushing him to at least see if there was a spark between himself and the lady in question. He knew that he could not put off the topic of his marriage forever; he had just hoped it would be happy organically. Reaching his hand up to the pendant that was ever present around his neck, he thought again of Hitomi. He wished again that she was happy and fulfilled in her life.

Van knew that he'd need to leave his study sooner or later. The delegates were still in Fanelia, and he was remiss in his duties as a host. It wasn't even that he did not like his guests. Many of the delegates were among his closest friends and allies. He was genuinely happy to showcase his homeland to Chid and Dryden, representing their respective countries. He also got along well with Bran, the representative from Daedalus. He was less familiar with the representatives from Zaibach, but that was partly due to two unfamiliar delegates being sent on behalf of Céfiro, the current Emperor. They, Deimos and Adrasteia, seemed pleasant enough during the brief interactions that he had had with them. Based on his council meeting earlier in the day, he knew that his council would be looking for ways to push him and Adrasteia together. He wondered how she felt being practically sold off into a marriage with a stranger.

With a loud sigh, Van wandered to the window to get a better view of the Mystic Moon. He had strategically built rooms where he would spend much of his time so that they would have excellent views of the phantom planet. It seemed silly in retrospect, the frivolities of a heart-sick teenager, but he was glad for it now. He could imagine Hitomi's reaction to his potential arranged marriage, and he remembered that she had been horrified on Millerna's behalf when she first married Dryden. Van chuckled to himself at the memory. He wondered how long he would stay trapped by his past and a girl from another world.