Gladiator

by Seyary-Minamoto

In a world where the Avatar wasn't found, the Fire Nation took over two nations and they strive to overcome the last one. Water Tribe warrior Sokka seeks to fight for his people's rights, but he's captured by his enemies. His life is no longer in his hands as he fights as a Gladiator, and his fate will eventually depend on the Fire Nation Princess, who needs him for her own ends...

324. Chapter 324: Weak&Strng-Missing Fire 2

Weaknesses and Strengths/Missing Fire

2

Even before he stepped through the room's threshold, the Fire Lord's behavior had nothing in common with the one he had exhibited over the past months. There was a grave solemnity to him, one that he seldom had shown before Azula in the past. Even his voice was different when he spoke, his eyes avoiding hers.

"May I… sit?"

The unnecessary pause seemed to make him self-aware. Azula gritted her teeth before nodding slowly: her apprehension hadn't diminished in the slightest just yet, and she suspected it never would. Her father's presence had become something so dreaded, something so terrifying over the last months… she doubted she would ever truly feel comfortable around him again. While she certainly preferred him as meek and quiet as he showed himself now, there was no lowering her guard when she knew how easily, how quickly, her father's flaring temper could rear its head and turn against her.

Ozai took his seat on a chair by her bedside. For a moment, he said nothing. His eyes lingered on his linked hands as he sat, hunched, elbows on the armrests of his seat. Nothing was heard in the room besides their slow breaths, though Azula feared her heartbeats, pounding hard and far faster than they should have been, might become audible for her father, at this rate…

"I heard the Head Sage will visit daily to ensure you're recovering safely," Ozai said. Azula swallowed hard.

"It seems so," she said.

"How… how are you feeling now?"

Terrified. Unsettled. Eager to run, distrustful, panicked, aching under the reiterative pain that surged through her system.

How to say that to him, though? How to show even a sliver of vulnerability before her father? She had long learned not to do so: he had taught her not to cry, not to lose herself to anguish, for she was supposed to be stronger than that. The violent, cruel reactions and punishments he had inflicted upon her over the last seven to eight months were further proof of that: she couldn't be honest… not with him. She had to say whatever he wanted to hear, no matter how obvious a lie it might be…

"I'm… better," she finally said, swallowing hard. "They say there's no need to worry, so I… I'm trying not to worry."

"The burn?" Ozai asked. Azula frowned. "I… carried you here, as you may recall. I do not know if you received more than one burn, but the one you did…"

"It wasn't serious," Azula said.

"It no longer hurts?" Ozai asked. Azula gritted her teeth.

"Not… as much," she said.

He breathed out slowly, and finally, he raised his eyes to hers: she knew immediately that he'd begin undoing her obvious lies. He'd be displeased by her dishonesty, unwilling to accept that he was the one who had conditioned her, taught her to behave in such a way…

"You needn't hide the truth," he said, surprising her with his calm demeanor… with the lack of accusation and affront in his voice. "Pregnancy is… delicate, complicated, and as far as I know, most everything about it is uncomfortable and painful. I understand that you may have been treated, and the professionals believe you are in no real danger anymore… but that's not what I'm asking. I want to know… how you're feeling, Azula."

Her throat as good as closed in with tears: she couldn't answer that. She couldn't tell him that. If she did… he'd think her weak again, cowardly, treacherous and every other horrific thing he'd said about her as of late. She couldn't tell him…

So she didn't.

She withdrew her gaze, closing her eyes and saying nothing.

For a moment, Ozai did nothing, just the same. Then, he shifted slightly in his seat until he leaned into the backrest fully.

"He's already left," he said. Azula frowned, glancing at her father again upon hearing those words. "I don't know how far along his journey is now… but he is on his way to the North Pole. As was expected of him."

"He… he's gone, then," Azula said, swallowing hard. "Did… did he leave just before you came here, or…?"

"He's been at sea for hours by now, I expect," Ozai said. Azula's heart clenched.

"Then… did he say goodbye to Rei?" she asked. Ozai shook his head.

"As far as I know, he said goodbye to no one. He was in no condition to do so," he answered. Azula couldn't suppress a shudder upon hearing those words.

"Why, exactly…?" she started, hesitating to finish the sentence: Ozai, helpfully, decided to answer her without waiting for her to do so.

"I spoke with him last night. After the Head Sage and Fei Rou confirmed you were safe, I… I spoke with him."

"Oh," Azula gritted her teeth. "Had he… calmed down by then?"

"Scarcely," Ozai said. Azula shut her eyes tightly. "Azula, what happened yesterday was…"

"I'm sorry," she said. Her immediate blurting of the words forced Ozai to stop on his tracks. "I'm sorry. I didn't measure… I didn't realize he'd act as he did. I shouldn't have… I shouldn't have taunted him. I shouldn't have…"

"Azula…" Ozai said, frowning slightly. The deep tone seemed menacing, even when she realized that wasn't its intent… "What happened yesterday… was not your fault."

She froze. Her confused eyes settled on him, as though waiting for him to change his mind and reveal he was only jesting, and that, as it had been for all this time, he still held her responsible for everything. That was all he'd done, all he'd said for over half a year, so… why would he change tunes now? Why would he offer her any manner of understanding, empathy…?

Kindness?

"It was… it was a dark day," Ozai said, closing his eyes. "In which we made choices we shouldn't have. I… I needn't hide behind pretenses, you know why I summoned you to that war meeting and your reaction to it genuinely shocked me. Nonetheless… the last thing I was thinking of upon making that choice was your wellbeing. And that of your child."

Well, he hadn't thought of either thing for the past half-year, what made it so different now? Azula contained the urge to ask the question, fist tightening over the covers on the bed.

"You did nothing wrong," Ozai said. Azula's eyes widened. "I… I do not understand how twisted a man's mind must be for him to think it's acceptable to attack his own pregnant wife. But I realize, just as well… that he wouldn't have had the chance to do so at all if it weren't for my choices. If it weren't for my… my mistakes."

Azula's chest tightened upon hearing those words: he wasn't serious, was he? Mistakes? Was he finally acknowledging he hadn't made the right choices constantly? That his reaction, or rather, overreaction regarding her secrets had been unreasonable…?

No, surely not. It had to be solely about the war meeting, about the events of the previous day. He would never regret that much… he would never go so far as to regret what had harmed and hurt his daughter the most. It was impossible, unthinkable for a man as proud and stubborn as Fire Lord Ozai to regret what he truly should be regretting…

"Thus… I wanted to be certain that you are safe and healing now," Ozai said, swallowing hard. "I wanted to know if you were feeling any better. If… if it helps, you won't see Zhao again for months, in all likelihood. By the time he returns, hopefully with a clearer head… we'll decide how to go forward."

"How to go forward with… what?" Azula said, eyeing her father warily. Ozai breathed deeply.

"I fear I have lost sight of countless things. It is no surprise… it happened to me with your mother often," Ozai said, rubbing his brow. Azula's heart lurched over those words… of all comparisons between herself and her mother, she certainly hadn't expected this one. "I tend to lose my composure, failing to take in the full picture by fixating on a specific detail. This time… I was fixated on you. On… on punishing you. On getting you in line again. On making sure you learned a lesson… only for me to be the one who learned one, instead."

"What do you mean?" Azula asked, nervously.

"I mean… I overstepped every boundary I never should have disregarded. I did it time and time again," Ozai said, shaking his head. "And now… now I see you were right. I knew it, I suppose, since a long time ago… but I didn't wish to accept it. It was easier to pretend otherwise, to turn a blind eye to the truth… to let my anger control me when I should have known better. If I had… then you would not be in this room now. You would be safe… and you wouldn't need to fear your… husband, curses, he does not even deserve to be called that. Still, what I'm saying is that you wouldn't need to fear that Zhao might attempt to hurt you again, if only I had made different choices. If I… if I hadn't forced you to marry him at all."

"I…" Azula said, her stomach churning in a confusing, disturbing way – the child, inside her, seemed to stir, and she set a hand upon her womb as though to soothe it… while dreading she would be the one in dire need of soothing soon. "I'll make sure to be more careful in the future. I… I shouldn't have goaded him anymore than he goaded me, Fath-… I… I mean, Fire Lord. I shouldn't have…"

"Don't…" Ozai said, closing his eyes. Azula tensed up. "Don't make excuses for him. Don't try to dismiss his responsibility in what happened… or mine. I… I forced you into a corner that day, and you sorted through it in a way that rendered me speechless. You proved yourself in ways I… I thought you wouldn't again. In my anger, I've been adamant about not treating you the way I used to, but… you're still the same Crown Princess you ever were. Your sharp mind, your cleverness… I have direly needed them, as well as your counsel and your aid. I was a fool to believe Zhao could replace you… when I knew that no one could."

Azula's chest tightened – lies, but even if they weren't lies, what he'd said had nothing to do with what she meant to her father. He needed her for political reasons, for strategic ones, and not because he actually wanted her by his side. Not because he cared for her on any level… he didn't. She knew he didn't…

Many years ago, another man had taken his seat by her bedside while she was indisposed and told her she was irreplaceable, too. He had been the first person to express any such feelings towards her… and she could tell the difference between both situations. She could see clearly that her father's priorities were never Sokka's… he couldn't truly be apologizing for every mistake he'd made, maybe he only regretted marrying her off to Zhao. He couldn't be apologizing for more than that…

"I had been pondering what to do, how to reason with what happened in the war meeting, when I heard the ruckus," Ozai explained, rubbing his brow again. "I… I didn't do this so he'd be another punishment for you, not in ways beyond the apparent. You… you'd made a choice I could never accept. So I… I tried to amend what I perceived as your mistake by choosing a suitable husband for you. A man who could serve as my Crown Prince, primarily, and that would respect you and give you the time and distance you needed to return to your roots in time. But the man I chose for the role… I thought he was the better suited one, and yet I found, not long afterwards, that perhaps he was the worst one, instead. He didn't lie when he told me, multiple times, that marriage would suit him ill… but I never imagined wife-beating would be one of the reasons for it."

"He… tried," Azula acknowledged. "But he didn't really get to me. He didn't…"

"Did he start it?" Ozai asked. Azula grimaced. "Who threw the first attack? Was it you?"

"What would you say if it had been?" Azula asked.

"That you are reckless. Foolish. That you have a child to bring to full term, and that no pregnant woman, prodigious bender or no, should be picking fights with someone in far better conditions for combat than her," Ozai said, firmly. Azula grimaced as she lowered her gaze. "But… that isn't the case, is it? It wasn't you. I can tell it wasn't… I know it wasn't."

"I… didn't think he'd go so far. I suppose I should have," Azula admitted, gritting her teeth. "Captain Renkai… had to stand between him and me the last time we crossed paths in the Palace, before yesterday. Something had come over Zhao that day… maybe that's when you first heard of, well, everything that was discussed in the war meeting. I don't know if that was the source of his anger, but I didn't like the way he glared at… at me."

At her womb, actually. At Sokka's child, whom Zhao had always known was not his own baby and never could be. But yet again, she couldn't be honest: Ozai surely suspected enough as it was, she didn't need to give him further reason to be hostile with her.

"I made to leave… and Captain Renkai stepped forward when Zhao reacted to me as I passed beside him. I… I don't know what he intended to do, but Captain Renkai deterred him," Azula said – Renkai had promised he'd protect her… and he had, even if he had been late, but not too late. He had certainly saved her from Zhao, and she would have to thank him for it when she had the chance. "As for yesterday, he was elsewhere when I returned to my room. I was struggling to… to grapple with everything that happened in the war meeting when Zhao stormed in, and he was hostile from the beginning. We had an argument… when I said something that angered him deeply, he started bending as a threat right before attacking. I… I shielded Lady Wen from one of his attacks. Rei tried to stop him, too… that's when he pushed her off him and burned her, too."

"I see," Ozai frowned.

"I don't… don't know what else I could've done. I wasn't thinking properly, but even now, I don't think anything I could've done would have changed the outcome of what happened between us yesterday," Azula said. "I… I tried to give as good as I got, but it wasn't easy. I could barely move like this, so…"

"You haven't even trained in almost a year, Azula," Ozai said, shaking his head. "Your occasional walks with Lady Wen and Rei have not been enough to help you regain your fitness, no matter if they surely have helped. Can you even… bend blue fire?"

"I… did, for a moment," Azula said. Ozai gritted his teeth. "I can't sustain it for long, though. I only did it because he angered me, and I…"

"I see," Ozai sighed. "You hadn't even recovered fully from the corruption before the pregnancy began. That you've come this far successfully regardless of that is… it's miraculous, I would say."

"Well, I don't know if…" Azula mumbled, lowering her gaze. Ozai sighed again.

"You've never had much contact with pregnant women before this. Your friend Mai, perhaps, but… you saw her on a weekly basis, if even that much at the time. I needn't explain any of this to you now, evidently it's far too late, but… your mother struggled with painful pregnancy symptoms often even when she was the picture of perfect health. Had… had anyone tried to hurt her when she was carrying you or your brother, I…"

Azula stared at him for a long moment, waiting for him to finish the sentence. His willingness to revisit the past, even if only briefly, took her by surprise every time it happened. Ozai breathed deeply and shook his head, raising his gaze towards her again.

"The mere notion of ever reaching a point of wanting to hurt my own wife in such a manner makes me feel ill," he said. Azula raised her eyebrows. "It's bound to be the reason why… why I can scarcely believe Zhao wouldn't understand the true horror in his choices when he attempted to assault you. Nothing… nothing could have ever justified that."

"Nothing?" Azula repeated, meaningfully: what fool she was for prodding the wasps' nest this way. She didn't want him to answer that, in fact, she absolutely wanted him not to answer, to just continue talking about the past if he so wished…

His eyes rose to meet hers. Her fear had to be palpable, visible, obvious especially for her father as he spoke clearly, without remorse:

"Nothing would have justified it. And nothing justifies Zhao's earlier behavior as Crown Prince, either."

Nothing.

Not even the possibility that the child might not be Zhao's.

Ozai couldn't be quite so blind as to not suspect it… Zhao couldn't have been so foolish as to not tell him of his suspicions, surely expecting the Fire Lord to join him in his furious tirade because of Azula's scheme.

So, if that had happened… why was Ozai here now? Why was he so accommodating, so uncharacteristically apologetic… so sincere?

"Just as nothing justified my ignorance in pushing him into this position in your life," Ozai continued. "I misjudged him… and I acted rashly, constantly assuming time would prove me right. That I would… eventually be able to face you and ask, directly, if you had understood at last why I'd done everything I did. And you would, surely, grasp it… those were the mad hopes I clung to without even realizing it. Today… I come to you asking for no forgiveness, no matter if I must tell you that I… that I regret what I've wrought upon you. I regret… the suffering I've inflicted upon you. Contrary to… to what I have said before, you did not deserve it. You did not deserve… a husband like Zhao. Or a father like me."

She wanted to pinch herself. To suddenly snap awake and realize this had been a dream… for there was no way her father was speaking any of these words so genuinely and earnestly. Her father? He was notorious for never taking back any of his choices, any of his mistakes… for having an agenda, a hidden purpose in everything he ever did. He wasn't saying this for no reason… there had to be something. There just had to be something to it… but she couldn't figure out what, let alone how he would lower himself this much just to take advantage of a situation somehow. He was too proud for this… he was too proud to regret anything. Was this strange apology genuine…? Could it be, at all?

"I cannot hope to make amends for what I've done to you throughout this year," Ozai said, closing his eyes. "Not with any manner of certainty. But… I will try, nonetheless. While the decision is ultimately yours… once Zhao returns from the north, you will be the one to decide whether he is worthy of you or not. If… if you believe him not to be, I shall begin proceedings to annul your marriage."

"You… what?" Azula's breath escaped her upon hearing those words: her chest suddenly jolted, her heart somersaulting at the possibility of…

Of ending that marriage legally. Of having her father's approval in doing so.

"I understand… that the burden on your shoulders is my responsibility," Ozai said, closing his eyes. "I am the one who put it there… even when I knew you were in no condition to carry it. I knew that… and I did not care. Soothing my own, furious heart mattered more… and I'm sure you're wondering what makes this so different. Why would I care now, when… when I've been so remorseless so far?"

Azula didn't say anything… but Ozai didn't need her to. He breathed deeply, sitting upright again and gazing at her with unusually earnest eyes.

"I… I still remember the day when the White Lotus first attacked," he said. "Your absence from the safety bunkers of the Palace… I did not think much of it at first. I assumed you wouldn't be above ground, that you would have obeyed the evacuation notice, and it didn't occur to me that you might not have done it until I was told you had been involved in the fighting. I was… I was cross, at first. But once I saw you, helpless and weak in your room, my outrage faded quickly. Once I learned that they had meant to take you as their prisoner, that they could have succeeded at it, too, I… I nearly lost my composure.

"You were reckless then, your mind clouded by your illness… this time, my mind was the clouded one, and it was my behavior, my choices, that allowed you to be attacked by Zhao. You are in a much more delicate condition than you were back then. Had… had you been any weaker, had the child been further along, had you been experiencing any worse symptoms that day, you could have…"

"Don't… don't say it," Azula swallowed hard, closing her eyes. "It didn't happen. It didn't, so… there's no need to imagine it. Please…"

"It didn't… and I'm profoundly grateful that it didn't," Ozai said, hanging his head in shame. "But that it could have happened at all… has pushed me to decide that I won't risk any such dangers reaching you ever again. Thus why I'm willing to end your marriage to Zhao, if you wish for it to be undone."

"I… I would say you should ask his opinion on the matter as well, but I imagine he would beg you to do it at once," Azula said, breathing deeply. "I… I would prefer not to be married to him as well, but I…"

"But?" Ozai asked, frowning. Azula shuddered.

"I don't… wish to disgrace you any further," she admitted.

"I've disgraced myself far more these days than you could ever hope to," Ozai said, shaking his head. Azula swallowed hard. "I never had a chance to do better with your mother. When all began to crumble, for far lesser reasons than this, I was as stubborn and foolhardy as I've been about making you obey me. You, though… you've been less rebellious than her."

"Really?" Azula blinked blankly. Ozai huffed.

"As proper as she could be, you know she was fierce… you saw more of that side of her than your brother did," Ozai said. Azula tensed up. "Your rebelliousness… when all this began? I didn't wish to admit… that nothing about you has ever reminded me of her as starkly as your defiance did. Back then… I stopped at nothing to make sure she'd surrender, and she never did. Not for real. Even if she lost one battle…"

"She would keep going until… until she won the war?" Azula recited, a sinking sense of dread and familiarity in her heart over that notion… a concept all too close to her heart, for she had lived it in the flesh with Sokka. Ozai actually smiled slightly.

"I suppose it was easy to pretend you inherited that from me. But perhaps… you took after someone better," Ozai said. Azula's heart clenched for the thousandth time – better? Was Ursa better than Ozai? In some ways, perhaps, she truly would have been. These days, it was much easier to believe so. Hearing her father say those words was quite surprising, no matter the affection Azula knew he still harbored for her mother. "Had she still been here… perhaps I would have seen sense sooner. Or perhaps I wouldn't have, but she would have shielded you from my worst by standing between you and I."

"Isn't that… what she would've done for Zuko?" Azula asked. Ozai shrugged.

"Solely because I disregarded the boy. She wanted me to be better to him… had I been just as harmful to you, I expect she would have reacted similarly. But as far as we were concerned… you and I were allies, for you responded to me in ways you didn't to her. You were… you were the child I had never known I wanted. The daughter I… I had hoped to give everything to. And so many years later, I took everything from you instead."

Azula swallowed hard, lowering her gaze as she tried to contain the emotions that threatened to pour out of her through tears. It was difficult to cling to her skepticism… to continue disregarding her father's words as empty when everything he said reflected a deeper sense of introspection than she had ever thought possible from him. He understood what he'd done to her…? Did he truly regret it?

"I… never had a chance to do right by your mother. She was gone just when I realized I'd have no opportunities to make amends," Ozai said, fists tightened. "I… I wondered if she would return someday. If she did… would I be able to do better? To be the husband she deserved? I… I fear the likelihood is that I would have failed. Much as… as I have failed you.

"It was in arrogance that I demanded that you referred to me as Fire Lord. I… I should have known what I was doing, of course. My own father… he did the same to me. A small, childish mistake, and he took to treating me as if I weren't his son. I… I told myself your sins warranted it far more than mine did, only to realize now that my sins were ever greater than your own. For… isn't it, in the end, my own fault that all our war victories are turning into defeats in the hands of… of the Gladiator?"

The heart that ached inside her chest shot a blast of adrenaline through Azula's system upon hearing those words… though she was cautious and wary, all the same. She eyed her father with discomfort and unease… for she had suspected, from the start, that the conversation might take them in that direction. That he might want to ask for more insight, more ideas to fight off his conquering forces…

But something in his tone, something in the severity of it, sounded different now. It wasn't solely the use of Sokka's role rather than some demeaning insult in place of his name… his very voice evoked respect unlike any he had spoken with about any foreigner, any enemies, any threats to his eventual success in the war.

"None of this… none of it would have happened if it weren't for my failures. If I… if I had been the man I constantly wished to prove to my father that I was," Ozai said, shaking his head. "Instead, I've only proven him right at every turn. Every lesson I learned from him… it seems I learned them backwards. And I… I'm not given to self-reflection, no, but… I cannot continue to lie to myself while hoping to find different results. If I do nothing… the Fire Nation will collapse. Everything we've fought for across a hundred years will go to waste. Isn't that his goal?"

"I… I can only imagine it is," Azula admitted, tense. She hardly knew what to make of Sokka's choices, herself… she couldn't even tell if she was connected to those choices in any way. He had said he'd always fight for her… but she didn't want him to do it in this way.

"Is there even a slight chance that he may have had White Lotus connections all along, and we simply remained unaware of them?" Ozai asked, rubbing his forehead with his fingertips. Azula gritted her teeth.

"I know why you would suspect as much, but… I don't believe so," Azula said, closing her eyes. "He… he trained with Piandao, who certainly was part of their Order, though neither of us realized it right away. But his mansion has… it has numerous white lotus symbols engraved everywhere. It wasn't exactly subtle…"

"Indeed," Ozai frowned – he remembered some of those symbols too, though he paid them no mind… forgotten, in the face of far more important matters.

"He left a white lotus tile for him. For… my gladiator," Azula said, her heart tightening as she spoke. "He… he didn't know what it meant. We were told to ask Iroh about it, but I never wanted to…"

"Could he have asked Iroh without your awareness?" Ozai asked. Azula shook her head. "You're certain?"

"They never got along, and considering my uncle is one of the people who got closest to killing him with his choices, I…" Azula started, but she froze when her flow of thought took her to dangerous territories. Ozai didn't speak, raising an eyebrow. She breathed out slowly and calmed down before finishing her thought. "I doubt it, is all. I-in fact, knowing that he's… that he's somehow struck an alliance with at least two people who tried to kill him and got quite close to success is just…"

"Incoherent?" Ozai said. Azula shook her head.

"Frankly, he's always been unpredictable. Makes… the stupidest choices anyone could make," Azula said. "And then somehow… flips them into brilliance."

"How is anyone supposed to defeat a foe like that?" Ozai asked. Azula swallowed hard.

"I… didn't exactly intend for him to be defeated," she whispered, softly. "Suits him to… to succeed at becoming unstoppable at the least convenient moment."

"He ever took the meaning of rebelliousness to the furthest extremes of insolence he could reach," Ozai remarked, shaking his head.

"I… I understand that saying anything like this will mean nothing to you now," Azula said, closing her eyes as she tightened her hands into fists. "But I swear… I never intended for anything like this to happen. I… I know you think every choice I made was treacherous… but I solely meant for him to survive. That… that was all I asked him to do. I… I thought he had failed when you told me he'd died, but…"

"He deceived us somehow," Ozai said, making no attempts to mask his annoyance. "Believably fed false information to fools who then relayed it to me… though I cannot begin to guess how he did it. It's why I wondered if perhaps his connection to the White Lotus began sooner. The army deserters leading that organization could have helped in those regards…"

"Then maybe he connected with them after… after I dropped him off, anyway. I know I must sound unhinged for believing he couldn't have done this behind my back, but…" Azula said. Ozai breathed deeply and shook his head.

"No… you don't," Ozai said. "It isn't beyond the realm of possibilities that he could have joined forces with them later. Whether he was always scheming to work with them or not, though… the fact remains that he is now effectively their leader. Were it anyone else leading the White Lotus… I suspect their forces would not have been as successful at taking the cities they've conquered, as well as deceiving us about their movements for months. Governor Ukano is most certainly their prisoner… same as Governor Tiang."

"Do we really not know the death toll?" Azula asked. Ozai shook his head.

"We have very little information regarding the outcome of the battles within either Ba Sing Se or Omashu," he said.

"So… it could have been a massacre, just as it could have been as good as a peaceful take-over?" Azula asked. Ozai grunted lightly in disagreement.

"I sincerely doubt the second possibility could have ever happened. Certainly not in Ba Sing Se… reports of how they tore down the walls and progressed into the city violently suggest that the city was severely damaged. Soldiers and civilians will have perished in the battlefield for sure. Omashu… it has been as good as a void of information. The sole messages we have received from the city were sent by Governor Ukano… and both were likely written under duress."

"So… even now, no one knows anything about what happened there?" Azula asked. "Omashu was conquered first…"

"He capitalized on his knowledge of our communication systems to ensure we would not learn of it for a long time," Ozai said.

"So he took control of the communication offices first," Azula finished, and Ozai nodded.

"He didn't want the mainland to even hear a hint of what he was up to. Even then, rumors still spread," Ozai said. "But he moved too fast. There would be no stopping him as long as he made his moves carefully, and he knew that. Especially when… when even the Avatar is involved in this. I know I sound repetitive, but I must ask…"

"I don't blame you for asking," Azula said, eyeing him remorsefully. "But I'm afraid that I… I believed, until that meeting, that the Avatar would never be found anew. The very notion that he could have been out there, still… I've lived all my life believing otherwise. Because… because you believed otherwise. He never said anything to the effect of knowing anyone who might be the Avatar. But… I suppose this is a long shot, but there was that second waterbender in the South. I don't believe the first could have been the Avatar, but the second one…"

"The one who defeated an incursion of our forces as good as singlehandedly," Ozai said, frowning heavily.

"But… the report was that of an airbender, with the traditional tattoos of the Air Nomads, wasn't it?" Azula asked. "It couldn't have been someone born to the Southern Water Tribe."

"I can't even begin to venture a guess as to how any airbending Avatar could have survived across over a hundred years," Ozai said, frowning. "It seems unlikely that the Air Nomad Avatar would have died in Sozin's initial assaults, only for the cycle to continue and for each Avatar from all other three nations to die early… only to offer the Air Nomads a new Avatar out of thin air. Most other theories I could think of are even more perplexing than that one, I cannot presume to know how this could have ever come to pass… but what matters is that the situation we're in has never been so alarming."

"Do you… expect to defeat them?" Azula asked, uneasy, unwilling to ask the actual question she wished to. Ozai shook his head.

"My expectations… have no bearing on reality. Either we succeed, or our nation will be the one eradicated by our foes," Ozai said. "There is no hiding that truth: the vengeance they carry has been stemming for over a hundred years. We have been burdened with no choice but to win this war or face the brunt of… of the consequences of defeat. Whatever you may think of him now, after what he has done… we know his chosen allies aren't inclined towards mercy."

"Neither are we," Azula dared say, accusingly: it was bold, perhaps, too bold… and yet Ozai's strange, mellow mood saw to him accepting her words without protest.

"I suppose the war shall be won by whoever's mercilessness is more effective," he said. "Taking back the cities they have claimed will be an uphill battle, no matter if your ideas to resist against their forces pay off. I fear that the message he has sent is rather clear. The conquests of both Omashu and Ba Sing Se were achieved during my reign, and those happen to be the first places he struck. A most direct challenge… and one I cannot even pretend to know how to rise to."

"Has… has War Minister Qin started his efforts to…?" Azula asked. Ozai nodded.

"He has sent word to the Mechanist, and he should depart to the Northern Air Temple within a few hours. Even so… it's quite difficult to believe that we will gain an edge over foes who have outplayed us when we hardly knew they were opposing us, to begin with," Ozai said. "He has cemented a firm position, one that he will either retain successfully, and the war will extend for many more years because of that…"

"Or?" Azula said, raising her eyebrows. Ozai remained quiet, though. "Do you… believe he can't be stopped?"

"I… I would not say I believe anything. I dread it, perhaps," Ozai said, closing his eyes and shaking his head. "If there's anything else you can share, any further insight into allies he might reach out to, weapons or powers he might attempt to recruit, I… I would appreciate it if you could share it with me. But… perhaps at some other time."

"I fear I can't think of anything beyond what I've already said. But… if anything comes to mind, I will let you know," Azula said, nodding in his direction, even if the very notion of doing so made her feel sick to her stomach. Ozai breathed deeply and nodded too.

"That is all I ask… but even if anything does, you needn't concern yourself overtly with this yet," he said, gazing at her meaningfully. "For now… the primary thing you must do is bring this pregnancy to term successfully. Continue to recover, abide by Fei Rou and Lady Wen's counsel and instructions, and do not take unnecessary risks. If there's anything you might require… send word and I shall see it done. Remain in bed for as long as you're expected to, eat all your meals properly…"

"I will do all those things," Azula said, swallowing hard. "Though… I'd rather do them elsewhere. I… don't really like waking up in this room."

"Ah… I see," Ozai frowned. It seemed unlikely that her bedroom would be any better than this place, considering the horrors that had happened there… but perhaps Azula had faced too much strife in her bedroom to associate it too strongly with a specific source of grief. "I have instructed for repairs to be done. Much within your room will be changed now. I don't know when it will be finished, but I will ensure that it is done as soon as possible."

"That's good to know," Azula said, with a weak smile.

"You needn't thank me at all," Ozai said, breathing deeply as he rose to his feet. Azula watched him, apprehensively, as he turned his remorseful gaze upon her. "I have not done right by you, child. It's evident, but I… I thought I would do best to let you know I'm aware of it. Don't feel forced to change tunes… though you needn't continue regarding me with dishonesty solely to protect yourself from my wrath. I… I think I understand much more about you than I did before."

"Do you?" Azula asked, uneasy. Ozai's chest heaved as he let out a deep breath.

"Regardless of my… my monstrous mistakes, that might have tempted you to change your mind about your loyalties, you're no traitor to the Fire Nation. You never have been."

Azula balked for a moment. Her father watched her with a keen, unusually compassionate gaze: had he truly meant those words? Had her awful choices from the previous day truly convinced her father of her loyalty? Her heart clenched… for loyalty to her nation meant disloyalty to the man she loved. For, much unlike what they'd sworn when their relationship had barely been growing solid, they were now forced to choose between their nations, between two sides of a war, and each other.

She had chosen the Fire Nation. She had returned here… forsaken Sokka, a foolish, terrible mistake. She had known all along that she would regret it, but never had she known how deeply that regret would run: if she had stayed with him, would she have helped him build this alliance with the White Lotus? Would they be fighting side by side against Ozai's unrelenting fury? Would their child be delivered safely…?

And yet… she wouldn't have known Rei. She wouldn't have reconnected with Song. Even Renkai would have been left with no choice but to fight against Shaofeng alone. The war would have worsened anyway, her father would have never wanted to yield…

She had never betrayed the Fire Nation. For better or for worse, she had chosen her nation, her people, over her heart's demands. And today, it seemed, was the day when Ozai would finally acknowledge that.

"You needn't take an active role in how the war unfolds, going forward," Ozai said. "Your guidance and advice so far have been… more than sufficient. I thank you for them. But the only task you must focus on now is delivering that child safely."

"I… I will," Azula nodded. "Can I ask… whether you'll change your mind about my involvement after said task is over?"

"I do not know. And you should not concern yourself with that, at least, not until your child is born," Ozai said. Azula swallowed hard and nodded. "You have too much on your shoulders as it is. No woman in your condition should be expected to partake in any manner of war planning."

"I understand," Azula said, nodding slightly. "I suppose… you won't keep me posted on whatever happens, going forward?"

"It would be ill-advised. You've endured far more stress than any pregnant princess ever has," Ozai said. "And pregnancy is stressful enough without everything I've burdened you with so far. Consider yourself free from all such demands from me, from this day onwards."

Azula swallowed hard but nodded again. She kept her head bowed in his direction as she whispered words she hadn't believed she'd say to her father ever again:

"Thank you."

Ozai gritted his teeth and nodded. He seemed moments away from leaving the room, perhaps to reason with the strange burst of compassion he had let himself be guided by, but Azula spoke anew before he could do so.

"Regarding… Zhao?"

"Yes?" Ozai said, uneasy.

"Your offer to annul our marriage is… well, I sincerely doubt he'll be opposed to it, and I certainly am not," Azula acknowledged. "But… if I may inquire? Would he remain your heir and Crown Prince even if our marriage is dissolved? Or…?"

"Admittedly… I do not know yet," Ozai said. "Being my heir has done a number on him… he has become the worst version of himself he could possibly be, I suspect. I don't know whether his time in the north will temper him anew, if perhaps he simply wished to return to his life's true calling… but I am willing to withdraw his title if he wishes it gone. He was supposed to be an ideal heir for me, his role in this family was meant to be exclusively political… I thought he knew that from the start. But the more time goes by, the more I realize…"

Ozai breathed deeply as he glanced at Azula remorsefully. She held his gaze, apprehensively.

"That try as though he might, he could never be… you."

Azula's heart clenched upon hearing those words: she was no fool anymore to crave for validation from her father, she shouldn't be, and yet… she had always wondered if Zhao had been a proper replacement for her. But even if his advice and counsel to her father had ever been valuable, it still hadn't been what he had hoped for.

Despite the past months suggesting otherwise, everything she had worked for throughout the years leading to her downfall hadn't gone to waste, not even in her father's dark heart. He gazed at her remorsefully before bowing his head lightly in his direction.

"Nonetheless… this is, yet again, something you'd do best not to concern yourself with for the time being. If I can see to it… I will ensure that you won't cross paths with Zhao for as long as possible," Ozai said. "I… I simply cannot trust him around you anymore."

"For… for what it's worth? I wouldn't… wouldn't antagonize him as much," Azula said, gritting her teeth. "A lot of choices I've made have… well, it seems they convinced him that everything I do has been to sabotage him. It wasn't my intent… especially not when it came to Rei. I suspect that caused his fury to mount further, but I truly didn't help her solely to antagonize him. I…"

"You care for the girl," Ozai finished. Azula swallowed hard and nodded. "Enough to take her in as your own. I fear that choice may have appeared too hostile to him. As if you were rubbing his failures in his face…"

"He chose those failures. He committed to them, wholeheartedly," Azula said, frowning. "His attempt to take responsibility for his own child was… turning her into his maid? All over fear that his worse habits might be revealed, and his reputation tarnished for it? I… I suppose that, as I have no reputation left to protect, I failed to understand how that sort of thing could be a reason not to look after your own daughter. But…"

"He is a man of many faults and flaws. I could have told you so even before any of this happened," Ozai said, shaking his head. "I should have seen the signs regarding how severe those flaws truly were, but I disregarded them. As it is… watch over that child, Rei, and ensure she never follows her father on the same disgraceful road he has launched himself into. I still do not believe she should be incorporated to the Royal Family officially, but…"

"There's no need for that," Azula said, shaking her head.

"But she is still your daughter. So… should you need anything for her, you need but ask."

Azula nodded, gazing at her father with gratitude again. He breathed deeply.

"Well, then… I shall leave you to your rest. I cannot say if this has eased your burdens in any way… but I do hope you'll be able to sleep better, even if still in this room, while reparations are underway," Ozai said. Azula smiled a little and nodded anew. "Should you have need of me for anything, just… let Fei Rou know. He will report to me about your progress as well, so… I suppose I shall visit you again eventually. Perhaps here… perhaps in your own room, should you allow it."

"I… I think I will," Azula said. Ozai gritted his teeth, nodding.

"If so… I shall see you then, Princess Azula."

Where she had been relieved over encounters with her father that hadn't resulted in utter catastrophes, never had Azula anticipated that one such encounter, eventually, might come across as an attempt to restore what had irreparably broken between them. Ozai's attempt to build a bridge might be a matter of convenience – she was, after all, the likeliest person near him with insight on what Sokka might do next –, but it didn't change that she had never heard him apologize before. She had never heard him convey genuine regret… not even regarding Ursa.

He hadn't outright said the words, he hadn't begged for forgiveness… but his behavior, his unusually generous offers, all of them spelled out a truth Azula wasn't sure how to be comfortable with. Where she had wanted everything to stop, for his torment and cruelty to finally let up… she had never truly expected them to end. A part of her had been convinced, all along, that he would never yield his control over her. Perhaps she was right to believe so… but the unusually vulnerable man who pushed the bedroom's door open glanced at her one more time, and there was no vitriol, no harshness, no hostility in those golden eyes.

He bowed in her direction, and he closed the door.

---

The Princess's room was busier than usual: numerous staff members of the Palace were working now, forced to replace the whole set of curtains in order to ensure they matched properly. At first, Song was the only one supervising matters, mainly to ensure no one would dare snoop into Azula's personal belongings, but Rei joined her and offered some assistance in coordinating the room's restoration as well.

"You should go back to Azula if you want to. I've got things covered here," Song said, smiling reassuringly at Rei. The younger woman bit her lip.

"Shouldn't you be the one to go back? To check if she's okay?" Rei asked. Song nodded.

"I will soon, though I'd rather make sure to be here for now. You said she didn't show any signs of being in too much pain, so… I hope she can wait a little longer. If you go back, maybe you can tell her I'm making sure she gets a whole new bed out of this mess, too."

"Oh," Rei smiled. "Did you already ask for a new one?"

"Indeed, I did. The structure was lightly charred, and that won't do," Song said, shaking her head promptly.

Rei giggled: while they had certainly relaxed upon that mattress a few times in the past, and while making the bed had become even a source of pride for the Princess, dark things had happened within this bedroom, and within that bed. Song knew even more about such things than Rei did… even so, both women were aware that the Princess had simply settled for living here because she had nowhere else to go. Even if it was a small change, perhaps a new bed would be a good thing, Rei thought, as the staff began dismantling it carefully.

"Do you have a reason to want to do this yourself?" Song asked. Rei blinked, turning her attention towards her friend again. "I mean… if you really think you can keep all these people on task, I'll leave you to it. But…"

The very notion of being a figure of authority to anyone drained all the color from Rei's face. She grimaced, and Song smiled fondly at her.

"Okay, now… you don't have to do it, alright?" she said. "Just go back to Azula. I'm sure she'll be lonely. Or is it she asked you to leave…?"

"She didn't, I just… wanted to help her be able to come here sooner. She doesn't want to be with Fei Rou longer than necessary. But I guess… I guess I can't do a lot, can I?" Rei said, biting her lip. "I wanted to be useful. To help. I… I want to do better by her. She's… she's always fighting for me in so many ways, and the one time I tried to do something to protect her, I failed immediately. I… I just…"

"Hey…" Song said, reeling Rei in for a hug. The younger girl sighed in her arms, pressing her face to Song's shoulder. "Remember how Azula was losing herself to despair last night and you reeled her back into control? How you talked to her, held her hand and helped appease her? That… that's no small matter, Rei. Maybe it's not flashy, maybe it's not some epic combat ability… but I'm not joking when I say you may have saved her, and her child, by doing what you did."

"I…" Rei gasped, raising her head towards Song, who smiled fondly still.

"I tried to help her calm down and it didn't work. You're the one who pulled it off," Song said. "Who knows if anyone else could have? You… you've always been a balm over her wounds in your own way. You've helped her heal, inspired her to do things she'd never done before… all because she wants to do right by you. So… don't sell yourself short, okay? You're not valuable just because she likes you… you can do amazing things, yourself. You just need to give yourself the chance to do them, to begin with."

"I… well, I guess so?" Rei said, cheeks flushing slightly now. "Maybe you think too highly of me…"

"Heh. I dare you to say that to Azula," Song said, skeptical. Rei's cheeks reddened further, but she smiled guiltily. "See? You wouldn't. Because you know better! So, there you have it, silly: you matter, and you're playing a very important role in her life. That's why I'm telling you to go back… because whatever's happening in that room right now, if anything is, I'm sure she'll feel better if you're with her."

Rei swallowed hard, gazing at Song with nervous, large brown eyes… eyes that gained determination quickly. Song smiled, squeezing her shoulder gently.

"I'll catch up as soon as we're done here for the day. Pretty sure it'll take another day to set up the bed properly," Song sighed. "But I'll ask them to bring in a plain rug, alright? Tell Azula about that, because the three of us? We're going to have a paint festival on it! Instead of a boring, simple pattern, we're getting lots of colorful inks and we'll paint our own carpet! How about it?"

Rei laughed, shaking her head as Song grinned enthusiastically at her.

"I-is that a good idea?" she asked. "Has anyone done it before…?"

"Pfft, surely not. Their loss, I guarantee it," Song smirked, with a careless shrug. Rei giggled as she stepped towards the door, and Song pat her in the back as she walked there. "Go on, then. Let her know I'll be back soon… though, if she says anything's wrong, come back to fetch me at once, alright?"

"Yeah… alright," Rei smiled, nodding before marching out into the corridor anew.

She didn't want to burden the Princess with her insecurities, just as she dreaded that she would provide her with very little help: Rei's knowledge of medicine wasn't even a fragment of Song's, and what mattered most was Azula's health… she could only cling to Song's assurances that she was helpful too, somehow. That her presence eased Azula's pain… that her company reassured her, somehow.

Rei progressed steadily towards her destination: she took a corner into the physicians' wing's corridor just in time to see two pairs of Imperial Guards marching away…

The Fire Lord stood among them.

She held back her gasp as best she could, but her tension and concern surged immediately. She took off in a hurry, walking fast and even breaking into a sprint once she had made it inside the physicians' wing: she had to be okay. The Fire Lord hadn't been terrible merely yesterday, at least not when he had brought Azula to the physicians' wing, so Azula had to be…

She stopped at the Princess's door and pushed it open nervously, hands trembling.

Azula's golden eyes met Rei's dark ones, just as she raised her head after dabbing away her spilling tears.

"Y-you're…" Rei gasped, stepping inside the room and closing the door quickly. "Are you okay? Did he do something…?"

"I… heh," Azula said, with a light laugh. "No, he… he didn't do anything wrong, for once. Which… is odd. Very odd. I barely know what to make of it…"

"As long as he didn't hurt you…" Rei said, stepping closer to Azula and sitting by her bedside. The Princess smiled and shook her head, clasping Rei's hand with her own. "How are you feeling now?"

"Uh… overwhelmed, maybe. But… at least there are a few weights off my shoulders," Azula said, releasing a breath slowly. "It seems… I'm to focus on my child and nothing more. He… regrets a lot of things. I don't remember him ever apologizing to me about anything before today. I suppose… he regrets dragging me into that war meeting only for the outcome to be as nefarious as it was."

"I'm glad he regrets it, then," Rei said, pouting slightly. "Did… did you forgive him?"

Azula breathed in, then shrugged. Rei bit her lip.

"You… you don't have to," she said. Azula raised an eyebrow. "When someone wrongs you… you're allowed to withhold your forgiveness until the slight has been amended. The other person must prove they truly regret what they've done, and be ready to pay the price and punishment in whatever way you deem it appropriate…"

"Is that so?" Azula asked, with a slight smile. Rei nodded proudly.

"At least… that's how it's been, in my experience," she said, with an awkward smile. Azula raised an eyebrow.

"I have trouble imagining you withholding forgiveness," Azula pointed out. Rei's cheeks flushed, and Azula's face fell. "Though… huh. It's not because you were the one who didn't forgive… but the one who wasn't forgiven?"

"Well…"

"The source of your frequent apologies?" Azula asked. Rei grimaced, self-aware now. Azula breathed deeply and squeezed her hand gently. "Well… you're allowed to be the one who decides if someone else is forgivable or not, too. I suspect whoever taught you that merely wanted you to be in the role of the one seeking forgiveness… Well, I'm proud to inform you that you get to decide if you forgive that person, too."

"My… uh, other mother?" Rei said, with a slight pout. Azula smiled fondly at her reproachful tone. "I… I'm allowed not to forgive her? Even when… when she thought I was the one who was doing everything wrong?"

"I have a hard time believing that was the case," Azula said, gazing at Rei compassionately. "As you can see… I have quite a bit of experience with parents who thrive in blaming their children for everything going wrong, even if it's not really their fault. If I'm not supposed to forgive my father for everything as quickly as that… you don't have to forgive your mother, either. Well… either of your mothers."

"What?" Rei blinked blankly. "Either? You mean… w-why would I have to forgive you?"

Azula smiled fondly, reaching up to brush Rei's hair gently with her fingers. The younger woman's confusion didn't fade in the slightest – if anything, the affectionate gesture further confirmed, in her mind, that she had no reason to be upset with Azula at all.

"Had I been more cautious… had I had more sense, I might not have put you through such a horrible scene yesterday," Azula whispered. "Is your burn bothering you?"

"Oh, no. I'm okay, Song said it's the lightest kind of burn. I've just used some balms and they've helped," Rei said, with a reassuring smile. "But… I don't see why I need to forgive you for that at all. You were trying to protect us…"

"I antagonized Zhao. I shouldn't have…"

"He shouldn't have attacked you," Rei said, firmly. Azula gazed at her remorsefully. "You… you always tell me not to blame myself for things that aren't my fault? Well… you shouldn't do it either. What happened yesterday wasn't your fault… and I don't need to forgive you for it at all. But if you really want me to forgive you, then I'll say I do… even if deep down I know there's nothing to forgive. But if that gives you peace of mind…"

Azula actually chuckled softly, and new tears sprung up in her eyes. Rei smiled back, and she gasped when Azula's hand clasped her shoulder, reeling her in for a hug.

"I'll have to teach you how to hold grudges," Azula decided. Rei snorted, shaking her head as she hugged Azula back. "Really, though… you're always too kind for your own good, Rei."

"I… I doubt that," Rei said, smiling too as she held Azula. "If… if my being kind helps you in any way, then that's exactly what I want to be. I just… just want to help. I know you're going through too much, so…"

"So… you don't resent me for anything?" Azula asked. Rei huffed, shaking her head.

"I could never," she said. Azula swallowed hard.

"Not even that I… didn't tell you the truth from the start?"

Rei frowned: what exactly did that mean? She pulled back, puzzled by Azula's tone… by the implicit meaning of her words.

The Princess's hand fell upon her own womb: the growing child within stirred only slightly under her touch. Rei's eyes drifted towards Azula's hand, and she raised an eyebrow in perplexity still.

"I… still don't follow," she said. Azula sighed, smiling kindly at Rei still.

"I never said it out loud in front of you. I never told you… who the child's father was."

Rei's lips parted, and she hummed upon realizing what Azula meant to say. Apprehension was clear and apparent on her mother's face… apprehension Rei suspected would give way to another emotion quickly.

"Yeah, uh… I kind of figured as much months ago."

Azula blinked blankly. Rei smiled awkwardly, sitting on the bed, suddenly permeated by uncertainty as Azula stared at her in blank shock… and then Azula rolled back into place, a soft, nervous laugh leaving her lips.

"Heh. Well. I suppose… I suppose I didn't really hide it that well…"

"Well, I didn't exactly… figure it out all along?" Rei said, with an awkward smile. "I mean… after Song told me about your relationship with him for the first time, the thought crossed my mind that the baby might have been his? But the way she told me back then, it was just rumors and whatnot so I wasn't sure about anything. Then, when you talked to me about him properly for the first time… I kind of just started to assume it was his. I don't know if I shouldn't have, but… I wasn't really surprised by what Admiral Zhao accused you of. If you thought I'd feel betrayed or something, well…"

"He is your father," Azula said, eyeing Rei nervously. "And by all means… even if I didn't, uh, technically cheat on him, because evidently this happened long before I was his wife at all, I still… used him as a smokescreen. I really did."

"Did he know about you and Sokka all along?" Rei asked. Azula gritted her teeth.

"Not all along… but he knew before my downfall. I only found out he knew sometime later, but still... he knew," she said. Rei hummed.

"He knew you loved him… so why would he be that upset to realize the truth?" Rei asked. "It doesn't make sense to me."

"You think it shouldn't bother him that I used him as I did, just to have an excuse to keep the child?" Azula asked, puzzled. Rei shrugged.

"He brought me to his estate to use me too. I cleaned and cooked for him. I never made a fuss about it because it was all I knew how to do," Rei said. "Then he brought me here to do the same thing, and only with you did I realize there was more to life, that I could amount to more than just being a mediocre maid. I could… could hate him for not giving me chances to be more than what I was, when he first found me. I could resent him for never asking what I wanted to do, the way you have. I could begrudge him for never teaching me how to read or write… but I don't. He used me too… and I don't really understand why it bothers him much that you did the same to him."

"I… don't know if it's the same thing entirely," Azula said, gritting her teeth. "But you're not wrong to say he's not above doing the same things I did. He's hardly the most forthright and honest man… he wouldn't even acknowledge you legally as his child, after all."

"He wanted to use me to hurt you too. All those threats to take me away…" Rei said, frowning. "Maybe… maybe that's the one thing I do resent him for. Whatever I may do, whatever may happen to me, I just… I never want to be a source of pain for you. That's the last thing I'd ever want."

"Well… you're in luck, because from the moment I first spoke to you in this awful place, you've unknowingly encouraged me to keep going," Azula said, with a gentle smile. Rei's cheeks flushed. "I never imagined I'd care for people as deeply as I've come to learn I can. Of course… it all started with him, but it grew beyond him before long, and he knew that too. He encouraged it, even… I can't help but wonder what he'd say if he knew you're my daughter now."

"I hope he'd be okay with it," Rei said, with a nervous smile. "I… I'd like to get to know him. But I know… I know things are complicated right now. I guess I'm not bound to have the chance, but…"

"I don't know what the future will hold, no," Azula admitted, closing her eyes and sighing. "I… I wanted you and Song to take the child to him. That was my primary plan… even if I had no idea how it would be done, but that was what I was counting on, for all this time."

"Really?" Rei asked, surprised. Azula swallowed hard and nodded.

"The problem of freeing Xin Long still needed to be resolved, though. Until he's no longer trapped… I won't be able to stop fearing my father might take out his frustrations on him," Azula said. Rei grimaced.

"You said he apologized, but… not about that?" Rei asked.

"Not specifically, though… it does seem that he regrets a lot of things. I can only hope that's part of it," Azula sighed, smiling sadly at Rei. "Still, I can't pretend he'll loosen up any further. He's told me before that, after the harm he's brought to Xin Long, he's sure my dragon will try to kill him if he's ever free, so…"

"Oh. So… unless you could convince Xin Long not to do that…"

"And then convince my father that I convinced Xin Long, too."

"Huh. That sounds unlikely," Rei sighed. Azula nodded.

"My position is precarious, always has been," she said. "And now… now it's all the worse. I know neither you nor Song must have understood what was happening, I wasn't exactly eloquent yesterday, but…"

"We understood enough," Rei said, gazing at Azula remorsefully. "He's… out fighting in the war. And… he's going against the Fire Nation."

"I knew he wanted to fight back against my father. Of course I did," Azula said, closing her eyes tightly. "He always has. But every time we talked about it, he seemed to listen to what I had to say. Whenever I agreed that we'd do best to rise against him one day, we knew we had to handle things carefully… because the risks would be too great otherwise. I know why he's doing this, I'm not so stupid as to think he's not trying to save the world and, in the process, save me from my father as well… but he has no guarantees of success. Not even with the Avatar on his side."

"I don't really know a lot about the Avatar, but… it's someone who bends all the elements?" Rei asked. Azula nodded.

"Air, water, earth and fire," Azula whispered. "I… I have no idea where he found the Avatar, or how they built an alliance at all. How he joined the White Lotus somehow… and moreover, made them follow him. If… if I weren't here, if I were by his side, I'd definitely be marveling over how impressive that is. Hell… maybe I am marveling about it, a bit. It's not too surprising in the end, coming from him… he's always been unpredictable and extraordinary. But… I never imagined I'd have to stand by his enemies, whether willingly or not. I never imagined that he'd be ready to fight the war in this way… without me."

Rei sighed, hugging Azula tightly. The Princess sank in her pillow, clutching Rei's arm gently.

"He wouldn't want to hurt you," Rei said, softly. "I barely know him, but… I know that much. From everything you've told me, it sounds like… like he's trying to help you and that's the only way he knows how."

"Problem is… if it weren't for what Zhao did, my situation would only be worse than it already was," Azula said, gritting her teeth. "In truth, I fear it worsened anyway, regardless of my father's latest kindness. If my father changes his mind at any given moment, if he decides to hold me responsible for Sokka's choices, I fear Sokka's going to reach the Fire Nation only to find out that it's too late to save me anymore. If… if only he'd waited, just for a little while, then… then maybe it'd be easier. Maybe we could work this out somehow. Maybe we could all… join him, even. But as things are now… I can't. I just can't. I…"

"You should focus on the baby," Rei said, hugging her mother tightly still. "He… he would want that too, wouldn't he? He'll come find you. He'll come help you. And… and we'll all make sure your future is happier, and brighter, and better than everything you've had to put up with so far. I… I know I shouldn't promise things I can't fulfill, but I… I'll do anything to make sure you'll be okay. I swear I will, Mom…"

"I… I don't know if I deserve that kind of vow," Azula said. Rei gritted her teeth. "I guess that ultimately, that's what… what truly scares me. What truly worries me. The things I've had to do since… since he last saw me? I'm not proud of many of them. I've broken so many promises I swore to him, I… I've done things I can't forgive myself for. So even if he chose to forgive me for it, which he might, knowing him, I still… I still can't forgive myself."

"You think… you're not worthy of him?" Rei said, frowning. Azula clenched up, closing her eyes tightly upon hearing the words in someone else's voice. "B-but that's… that's impossible. You're… you're the best person I know. You're…"

"I'm not, Rei. I'm not. I know why you think so, but the truth is…"

"You've done everything to save everyone you love," Rei said, closing her eyes tightly as she held onto Azula with heartfelt emotion. "You care so much about everyone that… that you never thought about it twice. You saved him… and he wouldn't be so stupid as to think you're not worthy of him. O-otherwise… then he wouldn't be the man you say he is."

"Maybe… maybe I'm not the woman you think I am," Azula said. Rei huffed and shook her head. "Rei…"

"You're saying that because… because you're distraught and sad. But I know… I know what true cruelty looks like. I know what a bad parent feels like. I know what a remorseless person acts like. And I have realized I know all these things… because I found in you everything opposite to them. So… don't expect me to agree with you when you put yourself down. I could never… I would never. You're my mother… the best parent I've ever had. I know you care about me… and I care about you too. And if he's going to war to save you… well, it's because he knows how much you matter. Because he knows your true worth even if you've forgotten it. S-so… I'll just try to make sure you see it too before he comes back. Then… then you'll be ready to go back to him, with no regrets. Okay?"

"Oh, Rei…" Azula sighed, smiling a little at the affectionate girl, who sobbed softly as she clung to her tightly.

Somehow, the young woman's words soothed her. It wasn't as though she were convinced of her value… but the girl's warmth eased her heavy heart slightly. She pressed her brow against the top of Rei's head, and her daughter snuggled tighter still, unwilling to relent in her attempts to convince the Princess of her own worth.

"I… I guess there's some very strange part of me that… that can't be upset," Azula admitted. Rei swallowed hard. "A reckless part of me that… that has just wanted to see him again. I didn't want it to come about this way… and I know, deep down, that what he's doing isn't wrong. I just… I just wonder if he's thought about how dangerous my situation is. How easily I might fall down the abyss and be completely destroyed by my father's fury. But then… he wasn't so furious today. He was… sorry. He wanted to set things right, to the point where he even… he even offered to annul my marriage to Zhao."

"He did?" Rei gasped, raising her head. Azula smiled and shrugged.

"Though it's evident that he's not doing it because he'd approve of me marrying the man who's leading a dangerous army against his forces…" she said. Rei smiled sadly. "Still… it's a good idea. It might even help… maybe Zhao will finally calm down once he comes back. Maybe he'll stop being so keen on lashing out at everyone by then. Though I can't guarantee it, but…"

"But if your marriage makes the two of you unhappy, this is a better idea," Rei agreed, quickly. Azula smiled.

"Indeed. And that my father even offered me an opportunity to annul the marriage is shocking. That being said, though… I don't know what will happen in the future. I have no way of knowing… but all my father wants me to do is focus on the baby. And I guess… I guess that's what I'll do. Hearing any news regarding Sokka will drive me mad with grief and concern again, so… the less I know, the better, huh?"

"At least, until the baby is born," Rei said. Azula nodded.

"It's so twisted to be proud of him and to be so cross with him at the same time," Azula sighed, shaking her head. "And yet… that's Sokka. That's exactly what he brought out of me more often than I can explain…"

To Rei's surprise, when Azula's shoulders shook, it was with soft, contained laughter rather than sobs this time. Even when there were tears in her eyes, the Princess's smile didn't wane.

"He's alive. He's… he's out there, and I don't know what that will mean for me in the end. But… as long as he stays alive, maybe I can… maybe I can keep going, too," Azula whispered, gritting her teeth. "I have… enough things to live for still, don't I?"

"And you always will," Rei said, firmly.

Azula struggled to believe that… but she tried. For a moment, she tried.

They fell silent briefly: Azula's turbulent heart pounded painfully still… if in a different way from before, and a vastly different way from the previous day. She had indeed done unforgivable things… she had no idea what the future would hold, either. But if just for now… if just for now, she let herself believe she'd see him again.

That she would hold him one more time. That she would yell at him for being so reckless, and he'd likely yell back, because he'd cling to his every conviction and certainty that he'd done the right thing. She would cry in his arms, and so would he. She would kiss him again, and he'd return every affectionate caress with ten times as much passion and devotion.

Maybe none of it would happen, in the end. She wasn't sure she would have ever gathered the courage to see him anew after the horrors she had done and been responsible for… but of course, where she faltered, he stepped forward. Even after all this time, their partnership had not truly changed, not when it mattered most.

Still… there was one thing that still dragged her down. One thing she feared was holding her back… which made it all the more difficult to believe she was worthy of him as she was. She raised her left hand weakly… sparks of blue danced upon her fingers once she did. Rei turned to watch the flames, small and weak as they still were, even once they formed fully.

"Your fire is blue," Rei said, with a gentle smile. "Was it always like that?"

"Not always… and it hadn't been blue in a long time," Azula admitted. Rei gritted her teeth.

"It wasn't when you used it in the trapdoor, but… the way you said it, it sounded like it's because of your chi?"

"It is," Azula confirmed. "I may have healed more lately… enough to conjure blue again. But unfortunately…"

She focused. She truly focused on him, on everything he ever had evoked inside her heart…

Only to find heartbreak, anguish and fear alongside all the beautiful memories they had built. Only to find fear of failure, fear of being rejected, tossed aside, dismissed as unworthy again... an unfair cruelty on her part, she knew, for he wasn't like that. But he should be. He should be, for she… she didn't deserve him. She didn't deserve him.

She didn't deserve to wield her gold fire, either.

"I… can't seem to make it gold anymore," she admitted, gritting her teeth as her eyes were flooded with tears. "I shouldn't even be trying now, obviously, but I just…"

She tried again… and by then, the blue was fading into orange anew. She closed her eyes, then her fist. Rei sighed, rubbing Azula's arm affectionately.

"Gold fire…?" she asked. Azula nodded.

"It was… a special, unique kind of fire. It could… heal. Save from corruption," she said, with a sad smile. "But… ever since I took my wound, and since everything that's happened, I haven't been able to do it."

"You couldn't make it blue before either, though… maybe the gold will come back eventually," Rei said, with a reassuring smile. "Maybe…"

"Heh… maybe," Azula said, smiling back at Rei, even if her heart was filled with doubts the younger woman didn't share.

The gold fire might never return, she knew. Her heart was no longer what it used to be… her inner fire had taken so many blows, so much damage she barely knew how it hadn't fizzled out. Long ago, when she had convalesced in this very same bed, she had lost the feeling of her inner fire briefly. She had thought it was gone for good… and even then, peace had dwelled within her heart. Now, though… peace was a notion foreign and lost. She wouldn't be likely to find it again anytime soon.

Even so, a part of her heart certainly warmed the way it used to over Sokka at times… sometimes because of the young woman lying with her across that bed, hugging her reassuringly, and sometimes because of the small, gentle being that nestled within her body.

The very hand that had been bending fell upon her womb. The child moved slightly, and Azula smiled at the sensation. Perhaps she would never use gold fire anew, herself… but perhaps she didn't need to. If she could use that feeling, the same powerful love that had been part of her flames before, to protect her children in a new way, going forward, she'd give it up without question. Perhaps Rei was right, and the day would come when gold fire would be a possibility anew…

But the future was uncertain, and as complicated as her father was, Azula knew he was right to urge her to focus on her child. The baby was safe still, at least, it felt like it… and the Head Sage would be certain to confirm as much later today. There were but two months left for its birth… perhaps less than that. For now, delivering it into the world properly would have to be her one priority… if there was any gold fire left within her soul at all, any fire that might strengthen and imbue with life, she'd gladly pass it on to the product of the love that had brought her to discover that power in the first place. If she would never have a chance to bend that fire anew… then she would gladly see it reborn in the heart of their child.

---

While preparations for their upcoming incursion should have been straightforward, they were anything but: preparing hot-air balloons for a long journey of two days to the Northern Air Temple took Sokka and the guards plenty of time, especially due to a highly damaged balloon that required extensive repairs – the scouting balloon used by the Fire Nation had taken a blow at some point during the battle of Ba Sing Se –, as well as a couple that needed maintenance, for they weren't as ready for a long journey as they should have been.

In that time, Piandao took off with one of the squads under his command to secure the trading route they were meaning to establish between Ba Sing Se and Omashu. No urgent missives by the sword master had arrived, therefore, it stood to reason that his mission was going rather well even thirteen days after they had initially determined their course of action.

But at last, after almost two full weeks, the hot-air balloons were ready: Sokka and the guards leapt aboard, while Aang and Katara climbed on Appa's saddle instead – it was apparent that Katara was surprised by Sokka's choice to stick with the guards instead, most of whom manned the five hot-air balloons in pairs. Where Sokka could have simply climbed on Appa's back, he had taken the lead on one of the hot-air balloons, and naturally, his companion would be Rui Shi.

"You okay?" Aang asked, glancing at Katara as he noticed her begrudging pout. She winced, offering him a nervous smile.

"Yeah, I… I'm not being an idiot, I just… well, I don't know. I am being an idiot, aren't I?" she sighed. Aang smiled and shook his head.

"Nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with your brother. Though, if you really want to have someone else to travel with us, we can try to bring Kino and Momo after all…"

"Oh, and deprive Zuko from Kino's chattiness? I could never do that to him…" Katara smirked, glancing over Appa's saddle at where an emotional Kino waved them away, standing along with Zuko, Toph and Jet while Momo flew laps around them – the blind earthbender, naturally, decided to pull one of her pranks by waving in the wrong direction, even if she knew exactly where Appa and the hot-air balloons stood.

"Aang!" Sokka called from over the lead hot-air balloon, and the Avatar turned towards him quickly. "You know how to get there too? Because, if you do, you can lead the way, if you want!"

"Oh… sure! I think Appa's better at maneuvering in the air than you guys, so I'll just jump ahead and fall back to help guide you all whenever it's needed," Aang said, with a nod. Sokka offered him a thumbs-up.

"Alright! Well, then… everyone: lids, on!" he exclaimed, turning to the other hot-air balloons. Rui Shi, next to him, smirked and shook his head upon taking orders from the Gladiator before obeying Sokka's command.

Shortly afterwards, the hot-air balloons took flight. Katara continued to watch her brother, the familiarity between him and the firebender he stood with… and just as she understood why Aang didn't judge her, she refused to judge Sokka, or Rui Shi too: just as she wanted to spend time with her brother, it seemed Sokka and Rui Shi had developed a sibling-like bond of their own, and they continued to rejoice in their reunion, even weeks later.

"Oh, there they go…" Kino whimpered, watching as the balloons rose higher in the sky. "Ah… I really hope they will be back soon. Not that I don't enjoy my time with you guys, of course, but still…"

"You don't need to make excuses, we all know you like the guards because they make you feel important," Toph smirked, elbowing his ribs. Kino winced, pouting.

"You could've just gone along if you wanted to," Jet said. "There was room on the saddle."

"Not really," Zuko said, breathing deeply. "They'll have to make multiple trips to evacuate all the refugees from the Northern Air Temple. The more room they have, the better…"

"Then why did so many people go, to begin with?" Toph asked, hands on her hips.

"Well… I'd think the two-per-flying-vehicle-or-creature rule is basically for safety's sake?" Kino said, tapping his chin. "If something bad happens, you're better off having a partner nearby that can help while you steer the ship, or the other way around. Right?"

"Right," Zuko said, nodding. "So… you'll have to endure the boredom of not hearing their grand stories for a while, Kino."

"I know, I know…" Kino pouted. "I… should go practice with my tsungi horn, yes! That's what I'll do!"

"Ugh… I've got a lot of things to do right now, come to think of it! I'm out!" Toph grimaced: Kino gasped.

"Hey! Don't flee from me! My tsungi horn technique is getting better and better, Toph, you'll see…!"

"You're going to wreck my ears! I'm not listening to your nonsense! Jet, you listen to it!"

"Why would I do it if you're not there too?" Jet laughed, shaking his head.

The three of them continued to bicker about Kino's talent, or lack thereof, at playing musical instruments. They marched away, with Momo tailing them from the air, back into the Palace, while Zuko smiled a little, watching the hot-air balloons and the sky bison fading away into the sky. He wasn't exactly in charge in Sokka's absence, but he would be tasked with conveying any important missives to Sokka's group, should anything complicated happen in Ba Sing Se while they were away. It was odd that he had been entrusted with such a responsibility when the White Lotus leaders might be better fits for it… but Sokka had believed he could do it. It wasn't as though Zuko genuinely expected he might let him down, of course, but he still hoped not to fail at his assigned task…

The group in flight hadn't yet faded from view when footsteps, subtle and rhythmic, approached Zuko. He frowned, immediately knowing it wasn't any of his friends, returning to check on him…

He turned on his heels, and his golden eyes met another set much like his own.

"They've taken off, then," Jeong Jeong said, voice firm. Zuko nodded.

"And they'll be back soon. I'm sure of it," Zuko said.

"You place a lot of trust in General Sokka," Jeong Jeong said. "Down to the point where you've followed him this far without hesitation…"

"There was some hesitation, at first," Zuko acknowledged. "But I've changed my mind over time. He's been pretty successful at persuading me to change it, I'd say."

"I certainly can believe that," Jeong Jeong remarked, glancing around himself before sighing heavily. "But just how deeply do you trust him?"

The tone, the words, all of it set off Zuko's caution at once. He frowned slightly as Jeong Jeong eyed him with studious intent, it seemed…

"I… trust him to lead us to victory. To build the better world he believes in," Zuko said, firmly. "You're not going to try to tell me I shouldn't trust him at all, or are you?"

"Not quite. But I do wonder if you agree with him on all fronts… for, at times, I've had the feeling that you have a mind of your own. Opinions of your own, that I would certainly welcome to hear more about," Jeong Jeong said. Zuko's frown deepened. "Have you given thought to what will happen, once we succeed at our quest? Once the Gladiator has set your sister free?"

"I… haven't. At least, not in the way I'm sure you want me to," Zuko said, frowning. "All I know is that I'll go back to my family. It's that simple."

"Is it?" Jeong Jeong asked. "Why not bring your family to you, instead?"

Zuko glared at the man knowingly. Jeong Jeong seemed utterly unaffected by that reaction.

"Has it not occurred to you, truly… that once all is said and done you might be sitting on the Fire Nation's throne yourself, Prince Zuko?"

He had thought of it. Of course he had thought of it, he had spoken about it with Suki back in the South Pole… yet that idea had faded from the forefront of his mind quickly. There had been much more to worry about other than who would succeed Ozai on the throne, and frankly, it felt terribly premature to wonder about that yet. After being involved in so many major battles personally, Zuko couldn't pretend that whatever remained of their journey would be simple, going forward. Thus, he hadn't truly slowed down to ponder who would be Fire Lord, for it hadn't felt like the right moment to do so…

Jeong Jeong, unsurprisingly, disagreed with that notion.

"From the moment our plans began to take shape, when you were but a child… the White Lotus members unanimously believed that you should take the throne," Jeong Jeong said. Zuko frowned knowingly – of course they did, it wasn't as though he hadn't known that, but hearing it directly was surprisingly irritating. "I understand if you're confused… I understand if you need time to think on it. But I am not here to spur you on to, if you see it that way, betray your sister, as well as lose her lover's trust. I am here… to offer you a future. A future brighter than the one you've been looking towards thus far. A future where the Fire Nation no longer shall be corrupted by the lust of power of those of your lineage, as well as those who take advantage of the current status quo within the Fire Nation… and while I certainly understand that the Princess may be a capable leader as well, I struggle to trust that she will be able to guide the Fire Nation wisely. Instead… I find far more wisdom, far more substance worth trusting, in you.

"Victory may not be a certainty yet… but it will be eventually. The Fire Lord will fall. And the White Lotus would prefer it if one of our own, one instructed in the ways of true balance, beauty and truth, takes that throne. I am not here solely to offer you my support, Prince Zuko… but to offer an opportunity that I have intended to extend to you for many years: an opportunity to formally join the Order of the White Lotus."