Rescue at the Northern Air Temple/Preparations
4
In all the years Ursa had known Piandao, in all the exasperation she surely had elicited in his heart with her antics, she had never truly seen him upset or angry. He seemed to be at a greater peace than most, and as complicated as certain burdens might be, he would bear with them gracefully, unafraid and unashamed of everything he was, showcasing great strength and wisdom she had seldom seen in other people.
A man whose heart was in such profound peace, then, was utterly terrifying when said peace became shaky and unstable… as it did when they marched across the Palace side by side, on their way to the room where the White Lotus's initiation had only just finished, it seemed: a young, scarred man had left the room with a thoughtful expression on his face… an expression that changed abruptly when he gasped at the sight of the two sudden arrivals.
"W-wha…? Mom?!" Zuko exclaimed: Ursa's chest heaved as she sped up further, rushing in to clasp Zuko's hands in her own.
"Zuko…" she said, reaching up next to cup his face, panic still strewn across her behavior. "Zuko, what happened? Why did you…?"
"Why are you here? I… I had no idea you were coming," Zuko said, with a nervous but heartfelt smile now. "I'm glad you are, don't get me wrong, it's just…"
"I came with the group working on the trade route, Zuko. I hoped to come see for myself how everything turned out in Ba Sing Se, but…" Ursa said…
The heaviness in her expression only registered in Zuko then. He swallowed hard, a shudder rushing through his body as his eyes flickered towards Piandao… whose face appeared contorted by outrage.
"You didn't do it, did you?" Piandao asked, wasting no time with greetings. Zuko's stomach sank coldly. "You… you didn't commit to whatever madness they asked of you, did you, Prince Zuko?"
"I…" Zuko said, pulling back his hands and lowering his gaze. Ursa, before him, shook her head in disbelief.
"Kino said you were in some… initiation rite? It makes no sense, Jeong Jeong agreed to this alliance with Sokka without demanding that any of you joined the White Lotus…" Ursa said, shaking her head. "Kino misunderstood, didn't he? Just tell me that was it, and…"
"Mom," Zuko said, gritting his teeth and gazing at her remorsefully. "I know this is a big surprise, but… would it be that bad, if it's true?"
"Zuko…!" Ursa gasped. Piandao scowled, shaking his head.
"You've joined, then. You're officially part of the Order," Piandao said. Zuko closed his eyes and nodded. "This is madness."
"I don't see it that way," Zuko said. "I know it may be confusing, but I do believe this is the right path for me."
"Do you? Why?" Piandao asked, firmly. "Explain yourself, Zuko. Now."
"I…" Zuko winced. "Look, I remember that you were my master ages ago. You were Sokka's, too. It feels like… like you've agreed to all his choices to snub the Order, while being a member of it as well? Why would it be that much easier to accept his choices than to accept mine?"
"Sokka's path is his own. He has made it so, and I always hoped that he would," Piandao said, frowning. "He is not beyond making mistakes, nobody with reason would believe so… but the path he has chosen is consistent with his goals: how is this consistent with anything you're hoping to do, Zuko? Or is it your goals are not as aligned with Sokka's as I believed they were?"
"Wait, no…" Zuko said, his voice giving away that Piandao's blatant disapproval packed a low blow for him. "That's not the case at all. What I'm doing, I… I'm trying to live my life by choosing my own path, too."
"Even when that path could result in disaster? When it could cause so much damage to others beyond yourself?" Piandao asked. "This… who does this choice benefit, Zuko, truly?"
"If everything goes as I hope it does, my joining the Order will benefit many," Zuko said. "The Order itself, more than anything. I know you may struggle to accept this, but if you ever believed there was any honor in me, I ask that you trust me. I ask that you accept my convictions, even if you don't share them…"
"Ah, so your conviction and belief in the path you chose is a display of honor? That's the simplicity to which you cling to in order to justify this madness?" Piandao asked, fiercely: he never raised his voice, but it seemed he was moments away from doing so.
While Zuko had kept a perfectly cordial relationship with the sword master for as long as he had been part of the war effort, it seemed that positive streak might have come to an end on that day. His heart trembled for it… the feeling was ominously reminiscent to having stood up to his father long ago, only to be burned for doing so. Piandao would not burn him, evidently… but Zuko would also ensure to stand by his beliefs, no matter how outraged his former master might be. He was no longer the innocent boy whose heart could be controlled through any violence by authority figures: he was his own man, and in all these years, he certainly had learned how to take a stand faithfully, no matter how daunting the other person might be.
"Master…" Zuko said, minding his words carefully. "I understand your apprehension, and I know why you feel it. I, too, felt that way when Master Jeong Jeong proposed this possibility to me…"
"Jeong Jeong?" Ursa said, frowning. "It wasn't… Iroh?"
Zuko shook his head, but to Ursa's surprise, the news didn't shake up Piandao in the slightest.
"It's what I'd expect. Iroh has been questioning his choices and path… so Jeong Jeong was the likelier culprit behind this, should it not be Zuko's own initiative, if the idea had somehow come to his mind," Piandao said.
"No, it was not my idea," Zuko said, frowning with unease. "Either way, I… I do believe I can do good while being part of the White Lotus."
"Just as you could while not being part of it. As you have," Piandao said, firmly. Zuko grimaced.
"I can't understand why you're so upset. You're part of it as well. You've been a member of this group for far longer than my uncle or even Jeong Jeong…"
"Hence why I understand deeply what being part of the Order entails, especially nowadays," Piandao declared, sternly. "My seniority allowed me to seize power, but I did not seek it… for I did not wish to become the kind of scheming, conniving fool who willingly turns friends and families against each other as deliberately as Jeong Jeong has done to you."
"I'm not turning against… against Sokka," Zuko said, closing his eyes. "I know why you'd think I am, but that's not the case at all."
"Then you should have waited," Piandao said. Zuko wilted.
"Should I? So, I should ask him for permission when it comes to every choice I make for myself?" Zuko asked. Piandao huffed. "This isn't about him, it's…"
"For you, it's not. You're individualistic, always have been," Piandao said, and Zuko's eyes widened. "I've known you for a very long time, Prince Zuko, as you well remember: you are tenacious about fulfilling your goals to a point of blindness. If your eyes were fully open when you did this, then that means you knew what your choice would amount to, the impact it would have on the Order, on the army, on everything we've been building for months. Jeong Jeong's offer to you was not some innocent boon, Zuko… and you, for all your good intentions, played into his hand without realizing it."
"If that's so… isn't it too late for me to break out of his hold now?" Zuko said, raising his eyebrow skeptically. "Perhaps in being blind, I'll actually learn to see differently, the way Toph does. But this choice makes sense to me… and I'm not doing it to damage anyone, or to cause rifts and strife in the organization of our army. I truly think this is who I want to be. This is the path I believe in, because I see value in it. I understand your point of view, and I know why you think this was a mistake on my part… but if there are consequences to be faced, I'll face them. If Sokka believes I've made a terrible mistake… well, I will speak with him and explain as thoroughly as I can. I will do my best to ensure that this won't be the undoing of everything he has worked for. I'm not a fool, Master Piandao. I'm not going to become a factor of chaos, a wrench in Sokka's system, not even if you're correct to believe that Jeong Jeong wants that to be my purpose. I'm my own man, and I will do everything in my power to see things clearly…"
"You expect that to be the case. But I cannot be sure that you're as immune to being manipulated and used by others as you hope to be, Zuko," Piandao said, frowning heavily. Zuko clenched up, glaring at the man. "What do you think this will entail, after everything ends? If you become Fire Lord, you will find yourself accosted by their demands constantly, distrusted by your own people because of your allegiance to a group that will, most likely, be understood and regarded as the greatest enemy the Fire Nation has faced. Your wife and daughters won't be benefited by this agreement in any sense, either: you'd be torn between your loyalty to your family, your nation and the White Lotus. If you do not become Fire Lord, then they will still have expectations of you and if you fail to deliver…"
"If so, what?" Zuko asked, frowning. "Do I have to fear for my life, Master Piandao? Do they have any nefarious plans I should be careful of? Would you genuinely expect my uncle to plot for my accidental death, as it were?"
Piandao's silence made Zuko balk. He stared at Piandao in disbelief, and the swordsman breathed deeply before shaking his head.
"You're an idealist. Your heart is kinder than I thought it was… than anyone would expect it to be, after everything you've suffered," Piandao concluded. "But that's not only a virtue, Prince Zuko. As successful as your ventures have been thus far… it does not mean that you are safe from making mistakes, whether well-meaning or not. Only time will tell whether your choice was correct, or if I am blowing matters out of proportion… but as things stand, you do not need the White Lotus, Prince Zuko. They're the ones who need you…"
"And that's why I'm doing this, to begin with," Zuko said, stubbornly. Piandao sighed.
"This world has fallen out of balance, to the point where a secret society of careless old men who happen to enjoy a board game are the ones vying for political power against a tyrannical bastard like your father. From the moment this began, I have hoped that the need for an organization like the White Lotus will vanish in the wake of Sokka's victory in this war. That the world will reach balance in such a manner that the coalition of nations is no longer a rare miracle, but a commonplace occurrence. Where respect between all nations is a possibility… so that the last generation of the Order of the White Lotus would die with us, once there was no need to carry a torch onwards. Perhaps I am wrong… perhaps the Order can yet serve a purpose once the war reaches its end. If so… I shall hope for the best for you in leading the Order into the future. But if that's not what will happen, Zuko… then they will use you as a lifeline. They will cling to you in desperation, expecting you to be the one to save this organization from its likely corruption and destruction. Your heart may be in the right place… but that might not be enough to salvage an organization like the Order of the White Lotus."
Zuko gritted his teeth, lowering his gaze – had it truly been shortsighted to assume a membership with the White Lotus wouldn't amount to that much trouble? He hadn't truly thought about what it would entail for his family… what the Order might demand of him in years afterwards. Would it truly be impossible for him to retain his integrity while being part of the Order? Would it be so unthinkable of him to change Jeong Jeong's mind about anything? It seemed that he was the primary problem, after all…
"Are they still in there?" Piandao asked. Zuko nodded meekly.
Piandao sighed, shaking his head, walking down the hall that would bring him into the room where Jeong Jeong and Iroh still sat, after Zuko's initiation. Zuko's chest tightened, watching Piandao walk away while insecurities threatened to wrack him with guilt…
He had no reason to feel so guilty. What he'd done wasn't truly wrong… was it?
He turned his back on Piandao… and instead he faced the woman who had stood by them, witnessing the argument between her son and the man who had been her only friend for a long time.
"You… you think I messed up too, right?" Zuko asked. Ursa gritted her teeth, eyeing Zuko with unease. "Mom…"
"You don't know the White Lotus I've known for all these years, Zuko," she said, shaking her head slowly. "You've known… the war faction, the fighters, the ones who lay down their lives for a cause you believe in, too. You don't know the scheming, the plotting, the internal wars, the unwillingness to listen… the unwillingness to share truths that everyone ought to know of. I… I only learned of Iroh's involvement in the Order when I saw him for myself in the fortress, months ago, so many years after being taken in by them. And you… you didn't know I was there either, but Iroh most certainly knew of me. He did. So why…?"
"Apparently… because he's as apprehensive of you as you are of him," Zuko said. Ursa frowned. "Mom… I'm grateful every day that I found you, you know I am. But… but so far, you haven't told me anything about what truly happened to you. You wound up in the fortress, with the Order… I don't understand how you reached them in the first place. I don't know how you fled to Piandao, or why… and Uncle Iroh? He thinks… he thinks you did something terrible. That you and my father, you… I don't know if I so much as dare repeat it. I don't believe you could have, but…"
"Terrible, he says?" Ursa asked: there was an unusual steel in her glare that chilled Zuko's heart. "It certainly was. But the cost of not doing it… would have been far worse. To put it simply, you would not be standing here now, asking me any questions, nor would I be here to answer them, had I not done the terrible things I did. I… I've had over a decade's worth of time to learn to accept and acknowledge the blood on my hands, Zuko. I may not be the person you believe I am… but that does not change that the White Lotus is not trustworthy. My silence, my secrets… if I must share everything with you, so be it. I do not know if you're prepared to hear it all… but if you are, I will explain everything. But that won't change a thing… not about who I am now, not about who I was back then, not about the White Lotus, not about the choice you've made."
"I don't believe it was the wrong choice," Zuko said, lowering his anguished eyes. "Even now, upon hearing you say this… I still believe I didn't make a mistake. I understand Piandao's misgivings, and I understand yours too, I think… but is it truly that wrong of me to wish to change the Order? To make it better?"
"Is it a worthy goal to begin with?" Ursa asked, raising her eyebrows. "Do you believe the Order is broken, that it needs to be amended? That reforming spirit, dear… you'd do best to save it for the Fire Nation. Just as Piandao has put it, I… I would sooner see this Order dissolved, even if I dread it won't be what will happen once the war ends."
"If it doesn't… I'll be here to ensure that it doesn't lose its way ever again," Zuko said, firmly. Ursa sighed, and Zuko raised a hand to clasp her shoulder. "It feels like… like there's more to this than you're telling me. To your resentment of the Order, to… to the choices that led you to their doorstep. I don't know if you want to talk about it yet… I'll wait until you do, if you don't. But I may be better served, better prepared to face whatever comes next, if I know why you distrust them as deeply as you do."
Ursa breathed deeply, lowering her gaze and nodding. She stepped forward, wrapping her arms around her son, who returned the heartfelt embrace. He didn't understand her anguish… didn't understand Piandao's apprehension. But instead of shutting them out, of pushing them away and clinging blindly to his own understanding of the world, he wanted to understand. He wished to learn more… so that his intentions in the White Lotus would pay off, rather than hinder those he was fighting for.
"I can't make your choices for you, Zuko," Ursa whispered, her face pressed to his shoulder. "I know that much. Just… make sure to be careful now that you've made a decision as significant as this one. I love you, my dear… just don't do anything reckless, and keep your eyes open. At all times. Don't… don't ever become a pawn in their schemes. Prove to them that their only hope of keeping you in their ranks is by offering you the respect you deserve."
"I'll do my best," Zuko said, pulling back and gazing at his mother with earnest, heartfelt eyes. "Thank you for… for accepting this, even if you don't like it, Mom."
"I want what's best for you," Ursa said, breathing deeply. "If… if there's something I've learned in all these years, it's that I don't have all the answers, no matter if I think I do. I would have definitely believed your sister's choice to sponsor a gladiator to be incorrect, had I been there when it happened… nowadays, not a day goes by in which I feel anything but relief and gratitude that she chose him as her partner. Otherwise… this war might never end."
"Right," Zuko said, with a sad smile. "Well… if you're not ready to talk about everything yet, I think I should go back in there now. Maybe I can placate their spirits, I don't know…"
"Maybe," Ursa agreed, nodding. "Be careful. Piandao may be acting harshly, but he's concerned for your wellbeing, Zuko."
"I know that. I… uh, I'm sure he is," Zuko said: his demeanor shifted, and Ursa eyed him with perplexity for it.
"Is something the matter?"
"Uh, no. I'll… I'll just go now," Zuko said, with a tight grin. "I'll see you in a bit, I hope."
Zuko stepped away, still seeming somewhat nervous, but he composed himself as he marched into the room Piandao had entered moments ago, the room where Zuko had joined the Order officially. Iroh and Jeong Jeong were in there, Ursa knew… she didn't know if Commander Fong was, too. While she hadn't spent too much time with him, King Bumi had successfully become the second member of the Order of the White Lotus that Ursa could stand to be around for longer than ten minutes, even if he was a most nonsensical individual. He had made a fair number of mistakes, too… but Ursa didn't think he was the kind of person capable of the cruelty Jeong Jeong and Iroh had proven they could resort to, should it be convenient for their purposes.
The thought that Zuko might become anything like them… Ursa's heart ached by the very thought of it. He was better than that… he wouldn't treat others like tools, disposable when broken, but milked to the last until then. He, of all people, had no business joining the Order… she truly hoped to be wrong for his sake. That his hopes and intentions in the Order might pay off, that his idealist heart would remain stalwart and true, regardless of the many efforts his uncle and his allies might make to undermine his integrity… but a part of her aching heart was rather convinced of the opposite.
The chirping sound of a lemur startled her: Ursa glanced back at the corridor behind her just in time to glimpse Momo flying at haste towards the open space of the Palace's front gardens. Mere moments later, Kino raced behind him, in the same direction – she and Piandao had left him behind a few corridors down, and now it seemed something had sent him running yet again…
Ursa remained perplex at first, until she heard the also-familiar roar of the sky bison: the Avatar was back, then. If so… it meant Sokka was, too.
While it was rather surprising that he'd returned just after she and Piandao had arrived, Ursa rejoiced in seeing him again… much as she dreaded it because of what Zuko had done. Her heart clenched, unsure of how Sokka would react to the news, but knowing all too well that the situation Zuko had walked into had been of his own choosing.
She only waited briefly before making up her mind, walking out of the building and towards the location where the roar had come from. Her nervousness didn't diminish at all, however, upon finding that the bison wasn't the only new arrival:
Three massive, flying vehicles unlike anything she'd seen were hovering in the Palace grounds, slowly landing in open spaces within the Palace's terrains. Many smaller hot-air balloons had already landed, too, closer to the stairs that led into the main building: it was the first time she had ever come across aircrafts of any nature. They gave her pause… but Aang's ease as he guided Appa around them calmed her down gradually as she climbed down the stairs, on her way to the large grounds where most the vehicles had landed safely.
As crowded as the area was, it didn't prove difficult at all to spot the leader of the group: he was climbing off the hot-air balloon he'd ridden on, and he greeted Kino with a proud hug.
"… So glad you're back! How did the mission go?"
"Well, better than okay in some regards, not so great in others… but we're glad to be back too, Kino. Feels like we're finally safe now."
Ursa swallowed hard as she continued to approach, albeit feeling more and more exposed upon doing so. She was in the way, likely… she could have simply waited for the new arrivals to head upstairs and greeted them there. They'd be so shocked once they saw her, too, for no one had known she'd be coming to Ba Sing Se with the trade route's group…
Her prediction came true when she stood a mere few steps away from level ground: Sokka's eyes rose past Kino, widening as his jaw dropped upon glimpsing her. Ursa couldn't help but offer him a nervous smile and a light wave.
"W-wha…? Wait a minute, what are you doing here?" Sokka asked: that he smiled was a relief for Ursa, who still dreaded he might stop doing that once he learned about Zuko's latest decision.
"I know, it's quite a surprise…" Ursa said, smiling too as she stepped towards him: Kino chimed in too, as he ever would.
"She came with Master Piandao! She was with the trade route's group, Sokka!" Kino explained, and Sokka raised his eyebrows in surprise.
"Oh, damn. I didn't imagine you'd do that," Sokka chuckled, smiling as he stepped up to her. "I hope it wasn't too heavy a journey for you, then."
"It wasn't, at all. The few mishaps we had weren't too complicated, and once we met with Piandao's group, we were safer still and things moved along without much trouble," Ursa reassured him. "I'm quite… overwhelmed, I should say, by this city… but I'm not surprised that its grand walls failed to shield it from your tenacity. I'm glad you're well, Sokka… also glad that you succeeded at yet another crucial battle."
"Well, there's still a lot of work to do… but I'm glad you feel that way," Sokka said, nodding in her direction.
There was much movement behind Sokka still, and the Gladiator turned to face it after Ursa offered him a tight-lipped grin: Sokka's sister, and a man Ursa hadn't known, were handling the hot-air balloon in which Sokka had ridden, shutting down the engine after ensuring that the vehicle was safely anchored to the ground. Everyone else in the hot-air balloons did the same, too: so many strangers, so many people whose lives had been touched and changed by Sokka and his group, one way or another…
But there was one more person on Sokka's balloon. A man tied, gagged and helpless, whimpering upon being dragged off the balloon by the dark-haired man accompanying Sokka and Katara.
A man Ursa recognized, even if the passing of time had been even more unkind to him than it had been to her.
"Qin?"
Her breathless question startled Sokka. He frowned, glancing back at her just before the captured War Minister, in all his whimpering and helplessness, raised his gaze towards her.
"You know him?" Sokka asked her. "He was already…?"
"A noble. One… one of those that Ozai sought support from, back in the day," Ursa whispered, uneasy. "But…"
The War Minister, trembling and unsteady, frowned as he gazed at Ursa. It seemed he struggled to place her… but the struggle ended shortly afterwards, when he yelped in such a way that he seemed to nearly swallow his own gag. A violent coughing fit caused Sokka's companion to loosen the gag cautiously, and Qin bent over forward with his helpless coughs.
"What is…?" Sokka's mysterious companion said: his golden eyes rose towards her, and Ursa confirmed that he was a total stranger for her… and she for him, going by his cluelessness.
"L-lady… Fire Lady!"
The declaration poured out of the coughing man's throat, startling all those who heard it: gagged and bound, War Minister Qin still managed to throw himself face-down on the ground, before a confused Sokka, as well as a panicked, disturbed Ursa.
"Fire Lady Ursa…! F-Fire…!"
"What the hell are you…?" Sokka's dark-haired ally stopped talking suddenly, as his eyes rose again, to meet hers.
The panic in her eyes spoke for itself. She didn't call it a mistake… she simply winced away from the man who cried out a title and a name that had never been matched in such a way before…
"Okay, damn it, stop that," Sokka huffed: he stepped forward, reaching for the gag, and the War Minister whimpered for it.
"N-no, no, no, you have an opportunity before you, Gladiator! S-she's the Fire Lord's wife! The Fire Lord's…! Y-you've been harboring…!"
The gag fell into place, and War Minister Qin was left to make unintelligible noises that Sokka found unpleasant and irritating all the same.
"Kino… can you take him to a prison cell?" Sokka asked, rising to his full height and glancing at the former soldier. He stood up straight, nodding promptly.
"I'll go with him too. Aang can join us as well, together we should have enough power in case the War Minister decides not to be so compliant anymore," Katara proposed, reaching down to pull War Minister Qin to his feet.
"Thanks. Get him a cell far away from Tiang's. He wouldn't deserve listening to this one's yammering…" Sokka said, with a heavy sigh.
"No problem," Katara said, smiling at Sokka and then at Ursa, upon approaching her. The unease of the older woman had changed in no significant manner, though it decreased when the waterbender smiled kindly at her. "It's great to see you again."
Without so much as confirming whether it was appropriate to do so or not, Katara dared move for a hug, and Ursa gasped for it. She blinked a few times, surprised by the young woman's boldness, enough that her initial shock upon being recognized by one of Ozai's closest associates subsided briefly – Katara, Aang and Kino dragged the restless War Minister away right after the waterbender released Ursa from her embrace.
"I'm sorry you had to deal with that," Sokka said, shooting a glare at War Minister Qin that the man, shrinking in the distance, wasn't very likely to notice. "You alright?"
"I… I'm not sure. I didn't quite expect… you captured him?" Ursa asked, puzzled. "I heard you were in the Northern Air Temple, but…"
"I don't know how much you know about Ozai's administration, but whoever that guy was before you left, he's Ozai's War Minister now," Sokka explained. Ursa's eyes widened. "So… yeah, he's our prisoner. He's helped by giving us quite a bit of information upon being captured… fortunately for us, his life matters more to him than his loyalty to Ozai."
"What kind of information did he…?" Ursa started, but she stopped on her tracks before finishing her inquiry: the man standing not far behind Sokka gaped at her in utmost disbelief, and she felt her cheeks flushing because of it. "Uh… Sokka? I, uh, I suppose he's a friend of yours…?"
"Oh… uh, huh," Sokka grimaced, turning towards his friend before offering him a tense smile. "Eh, Rui Shi, I know this is a little bit of a surprise… fuck, things have been so hectic that I couldn't finish telling you everything about how we wound up with the White Lotus, so, uh…"
"Y-you're joking. You're fucking joking," Rui Shi said, turning his golden gaze to Sokka in utter disbelief. "This isn't… no. It can't be. Y-you're not seriously telling me that this is…!"
"It, uh, it is. I didn't set out expecting to find her, but things turned out that way in the swamp… which is where I left off when I was telling you my story, isn't it?" Sokka said, grimacing. "So I'm really sorry… but wait a second, Rui Shi! You… you kept all that stuff about Renkai to yourself for a while, too! So, while this was a big mistake on my part, it's hardly like I'm the only one who…!"
"This is the Fire Lady!" Rui Shi exclaimed, his voice hitching in a shrill manner that Sokka wasn't sure he had heard from him before. "Y-you…! You've been allies with her, at least, f-for as long as you've been on the road to fight the war? Since the swamp?!"
"Y-yeah, well…"
"I'm not… I'm not the Fire Lady, young man. I never was."
Both Sokka and Rui Shi froze upon hearing those words. While still tense and nervous, Ursa still managed a smile that didn't fully reach her eyes.
"My husband is, indeed, the Fire Lord…" she acknowledged, and a shadow appeared to cross her face upon speaking those words. "But I… I did not receive the royal title along with him. When he was being crowned, I was on the run. So, while you may think the technicality of our marriage suffices…"
"Right… you were never crowned," Rui Shi finished, his temporary loss of temper placated by Ursa's words… by the reality of her very presence, of her importance in Fire Nation society, regardless of the truth in her words and explanations. "I… oh, I'm sorry. That was very unsightly of me. Lady… Lady Ursa? Would that be the correct way to refer to you, in these circumstances?"
"I… I suppose so?" Ursa said, with a weak smile. "I… oh, dear."
Rui Shi bent his body forward, bowing deeply towards her. Ursa's cheeks flushed again and she glanced at Sokka in uncertainty that bordered on panic. He, however, only smiled and shrugged in her direction.
"It's… it's a great honor to meet you, Lady Ursa. I apologize for my lack of decorum moments ago…" Rui Shi said.
"What? You apologize…? Oh, no, please…!" Ursa said, shaking her head. "No, no, no, please rise, young man… I most certainly don't warrant such respect. There's no need…"
"I must respectfully disagree," Rui Shi said, though he obeyed by standing upright anew. "I… I would also apologize for failing to recognize you, but Sokka didn't tell me about you, and along with that, I… I'd never seen you before. So…"
"Oh, truly, why are you offering me any apologies or reverences?" Ursa said, with a nervous laugh. "If you're a White Lotus member, surely…"
"I'm not a member of the Order, no," Rui Shi said, swallowing hard. "I'm actually… a deserter of the Fire Nation army."
Ursa's confused amusement dwindled then – his behavior was explained right away with that statement.
"Oh… oh. You're… you were from the Fire Nation army?" Ursa said. "But… well, if you deserted, it should mean you wouldn't need to present such respects to anyone like myself. You're a rebel, you owe no allegiance to the Royal Family or any of its members… so I suppose it may have been force of habit?"
"Not at all," Rui Shi said, with a sad smile. "I'm afraid… I'm afraid my loyalty has not changed as deeply as you may believe, even if I am a deserter. Ultimately… I'm loyal to Princess Azula, as are all my comrades."
Ursa gasped. Her previous apprehension and nervousness were blasted away by a shock she hadn't anticipated… by that declaration of allegiance from a total stranger, comprised by words she immediately prized deeply in her broken, yet still beating heart.
"You… to Azula?" Ursa said, breathlessly. "Truly? You fight for… for her?"
"For her, as well as for a Fire Nation that will put an end to a war that never should have happened, in the first place," Rui Shi said, earnestly.
"He was the captain of Azula's Royal Guards," Sokka explained. Ursa trembled upon hearing those words. "Him and the other guards helped us escape when we did… though she insisted on protecting them and sent them away so that they would be safe while she took on Ozai's wrath on her own."
"I… I see," Ursa said: by then, many other men had joined up, approaching Rui Shi with curiosity and confusion, on the most part – the older among them, however, seemed to find Ursa perplexingly familiar. "T-then, all of you… you served her?"
Rui Shi nodded. Fei Li, beside him, blinked blankly at his leader's reverential attitude towards a woman who was a stranger to the majority of their group.
"What's going on? Rui Shi…?" Fei Li tugged at the former captain's sleeve. Rui Shi breathed deeply before turning towards his comrades.
"This… this is Lady Ursa. Princess Azula's mother."
Wuhan, Jianghuo and Taro gasped with recognition – the rest of the guards mainly gaped at her in astonishment, with no shortage of dropped jaws. Ursa's self-awareness only increased further as her cheeks flushed, and Sokka couldn't help but offer her a sympathetic smile. The woman swallowed hard as reality sank in for the soldiers before her… soldiers who had served Azula, and who still hoped to do so in the future.
"F-Fire Lady…?"
"She was never crowned, so it's best to not call her that," Rui Shi warned Fei Li, who yelped slightly, covering his mouth with his hands. "Even if, by all sense, it should be her title, but…"
"W-we are greatly, deeply honored to be in your presence!"
Fei Li's squeak was followed by a deep reverence: every guard joined it before long, including Rui Shi, who simply smiled and followed suit with everyone else. Ursa's disbelief only seemed to increase at the sight of the disparate men, grand firebenders of sufficient renown to become Royal Guards, offering her the respect no one had for well over a decade…
"Now, please, that's more than… more than enough, you needn't bow to me. Rise, please," Ursa said, with a heartfelt smile. "I… I've long left behind protocol and pomp, I do not require any displays of… of loyalty of any kind. I appreciate it, but… save it for the future. Save it for my daughter, who… who I have no doubt has earned it far more than I could ever hope to."
"O-oh…" Fei Li blinked blankly as he rose to his full height, smiling as he processed those words. "You… you're very humble, heh. That's nice to see…"
"How is this possible?" Taro said, glancing at Sokka in disbelief. "I cannot quite understand it…"
"Things have been so chaotic it just slipped my mind to continue explaining everything I owed you guys," Sokka admitted, smiling sadly. "I guess we could explain over lunch or so? It's still early, though I don't know if they'll have enough food for everyone… we're bringing around seventy people with us, I think."
"I head you were rescuing refugees… they're all safe?" Ursa asked. Sokka nodded and she smiled. "Well… that's a job well done, as usual. I'm glad you were successful, Sokka. As for the meal, though, I… I can go ask, perhaps, provided I can find my way to the kitchen. I only arrived a few hours ago myself, and I certainly don't know the Palace well enough yet…"
"I suppose you'll get used to it," Sokka said, sympathetically. Ursa breathed out slowly.
"It's bound to be difficult, but that's not truly why I haven't taken my time to learn the layout of the Palace yet," she admitted, raising her gaze towards the Gladiator. "I'm sure you'd learn of it through someone else eventually… might as well be me. Something… well, potentially significant happened while you were away on this journey, Sokka."
"Significant… how?" Sokka said, his easygoing behavior dwindling into caution.
Ursa breathed deeply – she hoped, dearly, that Sokka wouldn't react poorly, that Zuko wouldn't be in a chaotic position because of it…
But even if she dreaded otherwise, she dared speak and reveal a truth Sokka hadn't anticipated he'd have to confront.
Five minutes later, Sokka strode through the Palace halls, his brow heavily furrowed. Rui Shi followed him, though Ursa had stayed behind with the other guards, all of whom had offered to guide her and the refugees into the Palace's kitchens. Sokka's fists clenched, trembling as he progressed towards the rooms the White Lotus's most complicated leader had been assigned… only to find him, Iroh, Piandao and Zuko were exiting the room in question right at that moment.
"Sokka… you're back," Piandao said – his eyes practically screamed that he was relieved, and rejoicing, not only in seeing him safe and sound, but in having likely backup when it came to this conflict with the other leaders of the Order.
Said leaders, however, tensed up immediately. Iroh shrank in himself, and Jeong Jeong frowned heavily as the Gladiator stormed towards them, a heavy scowl upon his face.
"Your mission went well, I take it?" Jeong Jeong asked.
Sokka didn't answer. He stepped closer instead, standing at arms' length from the White Lotus members: his menacing, unyielding glare fell upon each of them until he finally angled his body towards Zuko.
The Prince seemed apprehensive, perhaps more than he ever had been around Sokka before. He didn't bother asking the obvious: Sokka knew of what he'd done. The Gladiator had arrived not long ago… and he already learned that Zuko had made a controversial, dangerous choice.
"Why?" Sokka said, his voice level even if his demeanor suggested a lack of restraint, instead. Zuko swallowed hard.
"For a lot of reasons," Zuko said, earnestly. "Sokka, I… I haven't done this to attack you, alright? I'm not doing this to undermine you, or to weaken the foundations of this alliance between you and the White Lotus. If anything, I'm trying to strengthen it instead. I know how it looks…"
"You do?" Sokka said, his voice charged with emotion. Zuko breathed deeply and nodded.
"I… I'm not hoping to make a grab for power. I won't simply charge ahead into the Fire Nation solely to become Fire Lord. That's not what this is about."
Sokka breathed deeply, closing his eyes as his shoulders rolled down with his breath. Standing behind him, Rui Shi's glare assessed the people before them coldly, ready to read the atmosphere to choose how to best support Sokka…
"If so…" Sokka said, opening his eyes again. "Good. Thanks for explaining."
Zuko froze. He blinked a couple of times, and Sokka's expression didn't shift in the slightest.
"What? That's it?" Zuko said, eyes wide.
"Did you want it to be any worse?" Sokka asked, skeptical. Zuko winced. "Didn't think so. I have my reservations and my grievances, I'm not going to pretend otherwise… but it's your life, and your business what you do with it, such as who you sell it to."
"I didn't sell my soul…" Zuko grimaced. Sokka breathed deeply again, turning his eyes towards the two oldest members of the Order in his presence.
"I should hope so," he said. "For I'd rather not have to deal with the hassle of buying it back for you if I can avoid it."
"G-General…" Iroh started, but Sokka raised a hand to silence him.
"I'm not interested in excuses," he said. "I want the cold, hard truth: why did you do it? What did you hope to gain from this? Zuko's intentions wouldn't be nefarious, I trust him. He's stubborn to the point of thick-headedness… but as long as he keeps his heart in the right place, he's not going to become a mindless tool for any of you. What about you, though? What was the point in recruiting Zuko… and in doing it just when I was gone for however many weeks I was on the road?"
"Sokka…" Zuko intervened, and Sokka's glower shifted towards him again. "Uncle Iroh didn't make me do this. It wasn't his idea."
"Was it yours?" Sokka asked. Zuko shrank again upon hearing that. "Didn't think so."
"It was mine," Jeong Jeong said, blatantly. "And Iroh had nothing to do with it. If anything… it seems he sought to discourage Zuko from it, instead."
"Did he? Well, that's almost nice and everything. Well done," Sokka said, utterly skeptical. Iroh's downcast eyes didn't meet his, but Sokka's attention was on Jeong Jeong once again. "So, it's just you. To be honest, it suits you. It was almost weird that we had little reason to clash these days, I suppose that this new normal was really difficult to bear with."
"There is no reason for you to take this as any manner of betrayal, General Sokka," Jeong Jeong said, stoic and stern. "Prince Zuko will remain your ally, his membership with the Order changes nothing about that fact. His allegiances are his own, his loyalties are his own. You do not truly believe his heart would be so fickle as to stray from his chosen path merely due to a new bond with our organization, do you?"
"No, I don't," Sokka said, curtly. "I actually don't. Which begs the question of what, exactly, led you to offer this to him in the first place. The way you're phrasing things, it sounds like nothing should be fundamentally different, only that Zuko now might just start wearing your dress robes whenever he feels like it."
"In essence… nothing needs to change," Jeong Jeong said. Sokka shrugged.
"Then why did you do it?" he asked. "Moreover… why when I wasn't here? To prove that you still have some power in this coalition, that I don't get to have a say upon Zuko's life, that the people who stand with me aren't my subjects the way the Fire Nation people have to answer to Ozai? You could've very well done it while I was here to prove all that anyhow. Might have driven the message across better, if that was the intent."
"Perhaps this isn't about you, Gladiator," Jeong Jeong said, firmly. Sokka scoffed.
"And that's why you were particular about only doing this once I was out of the way, isn't it? Because it has nothing to do with me?" Sokka said, glaring at him fiercely. "You know, it might not have been a problem if only I'd been here. If only I'd had a chance to learn about this before it was a done deal. Then, I'd actually believe you're doing it for whatever noble reasons you'll likely claim you had in mind. But like this? It feels like you're planning quite far ahead, like you're waiting for the moment when everything pays off, building your own alliances within this alliance in order to pull strings and determine the world order yourself once the battles are over."
Jeong Jeong's silence could mean numerous things, especially with his eyes staring so coldly at Sokka. Even so, the Gladiator didn't lose heart, unmoved by the renewed rift that appeared to be rising between himself and a man with whom he had shared a genuine alliance only briefly, if at all.
"If this is how the White Lotus operates, how it always has… then it's really no wonder that there's been no progress in ending this war for over a hundred years," Sokka said, shaking his head. "You forced me to earn your trust, to prove myself every step of the way… and it turns out that you don't feel the same need, at least, you don't anymore. Not even after having told me numerous times that it was up to you all to prove your worth to me, after Omashu was retaken. How do you expect to earn trust at all by acting this way?"
"By proving, when the time comes, that the Prince's alliance with us is only going to benefit the world at large," Jeong Jeong said, firmly. "You may feel betrayed, but Zuko will remain your ally, under your orders, as are all of us. Our goals remain largely the same, as they ever were. Whatever may happen after the war is won, what counts for now is winning it. Zuko has made his choice freely, and that is all that should matter to him and to any of us."
Sokka's glare clashed with Jeong Jeong's in silence. The man's arguments were as good as stony, stubborn, refusing any acknowledgement of wrongdoing or mistakes… for he hadn't made any. As far as he was concerned, he'd done nothing wrong.
Why? The question rounded in Sokka's mind relentlessly. What had pushed him to offer Zuko this membership with the Order? Why would he believe it was a reasonable choice to make? Zuko had a family to fight for, it was the primary reason why he was here… had Jeong Jeong decided that was not enough? That Zuko needed to be locked down in their service in order to ensure that he would remain an important piece on the White Lotus's board all along?
His purpose, his usefulness for the Order, had never been a secret. They had plans for him all along… plans that had been derailed through Ozai's choices, above all else. Zuko's chances to take the throne had been annulled, with Azula taking the role of Ozai's heir, and now Zhao had taken her place, too. Was it a matter of pushing forward Zuko in the role of heir to the throne anew? Or was it, perhaps, the hope that Zuko would, knowingly or not, provide Jeong Jeong with a scoop on what was happening in Sokka's closest circle?
In a way, that might be what Jeong Jeong sought… for it was what Anorak had become for Sokka, too. Without ever meaning to, Anorak had developed respect for Sokka and, in the process, perhaps drifted further away from the White Lotus's leaders than what Jeong Jeong had wanted his chief waterbender to. Was this a manner of revenge for that, some twisted, even trade? One of Jeong Jeong's highly ranked officers for Sokka's?
Whatever the reasoning, Sokka shook his head. If one thing was clear, it was that Jeong Jeong had made his choices carefully, knowing what they might result in. Knowing it could cause a rift between himself and Sokka, a schism in the leadership of their army, and he had done this all the same. The risks had been worth it, he had to believe so… he hadn't truly changed much from the man willing to immolate his forces in a pointless battle, provided he succeeded at his ultimate goal.
Was that goal still the same as it was, back in the day? Perhaps he wouldn't try to kill Sokka… but that wouldn't mean much if, by the end of the line, Jeong Jeong moved every piece on his board indeed to annul Sokka, to push him out, all be it to choose the course of the world's future. A course that, Sokka suspected, wouldn't feature Azula.
After everything that had happened in the Northern Air Temple, though… after the revelations by War Minister Qin, Sokka's impulsive outrage at Jeong Jeong decreased slowly. He breathed deeply, closing his eyes and shaking his head.
"I trust Zuko. Even if he and I don't see eye to eye in every way, I know him. I know what to expect from him. I believe he's no one's pawn, that you'll have to prove yourself to earn his respect every bit as much as you did with me. My trust in you, however, is on thin ice now, Jeong Jeong. This alliance will only function successfully if you're open and honest with me, whatever your purposes may be. If you feel the urge to recruit anyone else I brought forward, be it the Avatar, my sister, Kino, Azula's guards or even the Northern Air Temple's refugees, the least you can do is tell me so directly rather than working in the shadows, behind my back… because if you have nothing to hide, there's no reason to hide at all. More than your recruitment of him, it's your damn secrecy that makes me uncomfortable."
"I see. In that case…"
"In that case… you'll stop this nonsense until after the war ends," Sokka cut him off: Jeong Jeong's eyes narrowed. "Recruit whoever you want for your Order once the war is over. Until then, your forces are effectively mine because you committed them to me. Until then, our alliance establishes that membership in the Order won't be necessary for anyone fighting on the battlefield for our forces. If I hear of more efforts on your part to recruit members of the Order in the coming days, right after this happened? As General of this army, a position you and your forces chose… I won't hesitate to take direct action against you to ensure that you stop undermining the foundations of this alliance for personal benefit."
"You needn't threaten me. It was not my intent to do such a thing," Jeong Jeong said. Sokka huffed.
"Hard to believe, considering what you just did, but I suppose your actions will have to speak for themselves."
"It's quite interesting, however… to see that you've finally grown into the role of leadership you've rejected and diminished for months," Jeong Jeong said: Sokka's brow furrowed. "Suddenly, you even use your power to threaten me. To declare that all the army forces answer to you…"
"As was your choice," Sokka reminded him. Jeong Jeong still allowed himself a small smile.
"And now yours too, it seems. I have no interest in undermining your army's loyalties, General Sokka. The threats are not necessary, but I shall keep them in mind regardless."
His confidence irked Sokka. It near infuriated him. Everything the firebender did felt like a dangerous dance, far less straight-forward than Ozai's own… and yet something about it reminded him starkly of the Fire Lord. The manipulation, the deceit, the intent to control the situation and relinquish none of it to the other person… too often Sokka had drawn parallels between them, and today appeared to be yet another day when he'd feel the need to do so.
"Our mission in the Northern Air Temple has been completed successfully," Sokka said, curtly. "The Fire Nation had made its own moves, however, before we got there. They've developed technologies, implemented changes into their airships… which are now weaponized, charged with a dangerous fire-throwing device that allows them to fight from the air."
"What…?" Iroh gasped, eyes widening.
"We have stopped the implementation of these weapons on the existing airships and brought the Mechanist and his people to safety here, in Ba Sing Se," Sokka continued. "Nonetheless, the Fire Lord has access to at least five of these upgraded airships… as well as to the design of the modified weapon system aboard these vessels. If he finds a supply of volatile gas anywhere other than the one we've destroyed in the Northern Air Temple, he'll be able to continue setting up the remaining airships on his fleet with this technology, and he intends to use it in the Northern Water Tribe."
Everyone remained silent upon hearing Sokka's explanations. It seemed that had been a much more effective maneuver to remind Jeong Jeong of the severity of the situation than any arguments regarding his disloyalty and hidden agenda…
"You're certain about the Northern Water Tribe?" Piandao asked. "That's… that's where you hoped to move next, even if we agreed that our forces had to be split. Is this truly where he intends to focus his attention, instead of retaking Ba Sing Se?"
Sokka breathed deeply and nodded.
"It is, at least, according to our new prisoner," Sokka said. "War Minister Qin has been forthright with information so far. He's been taken to a cell inside the Palace. I'm sure he can be questioned further, but he has already provided us with insight on what Ozai's next choices will be."
"War Minister Qin? You've captured him?" Iroh said, eyes wide. "That's… well, it's the most effective way to learn of Ozai's latest moves. War Minister Qin is… well, as you must have noticed, he's a man whose truest conviction is to save himself at all costs. He has access to crucial information and lacks the genuine loyalty to conceal it from us. Capturing him… this is good for us. It's very good for us."
"He has given us much information… though, unfortunately, I have given him more than he should have access to, too," Sokka admitted. "He saw Ursa, as well, when we were only arriving, and he nearly lost his mind upon recognizing her. Whatever he offers us, whatever blackmailing attempts he resorts to… we cannot allow him any freedom until the war is well and truly over. I don't know if Ozai could have spies anywhere near us, but there are people in the Fire Nation who appear to be our allies still… people we need to keep safe, and that War Minister Qin might endanger if he ever has a chance to convey to Ozai, somehow, that they're not on his side."
"Azula?" Zuko asked. Sokka winced.
"I sincerely doubt Fire Lord Ozai would genuinely believe the Princess is his ally, after everything that has happened…" Piandao pointed out. Sokka, however, breathed deeply.
"Azula's circumstances are… a lot more complicated than I thought they would be."
The group fell silent again, but this time, it was Zuko who intervened first. His face, already pale, seemed to lose even more color as he reached for Sokka's shoulder with a trembling hand.
"What does that mean? What did he do to her now? Sokka…"
"She… is collaborating with him under duress," Sokka said. Zuko froze. "The insight about the Northern Air Temple, the Northern Water Tribe… it appears to have come from her. She… she read through my choices somehow, not entirely surprising that she could do so, frankly, but she did. And I'm not saying it's duress just because I'm being wishful… your father is keeping her dragon as his prisoner, under threat of death. I have no doubts that everyone who ever meant anything to Azula is as good as a prisoner too. In order to preserve their lives…"
"She has to aid him in fighting back against you," Piandao finished, shuddering. "Sokka…"
"The positive thing is… I don't believe, not for a second, that she wants to do this," Sokka said, closing his eyes firmly. "War Minister Qin also… also reports that there have been serious conflicts between Azula and Zhao, the worst of which appears to have escalated into violence. He… he says Azula wasn't injured, but he doesn't have enough information to confirm as much with certainty. So… her situation is dark. Maybe it's dire. And she's…"
"She's standing against us in the war. Much like I feared she might have to, seeing as her loyalty to the Fire Lord has to come first, as is the case for anyone in the Fire Lord's closest circles," Jeong Jeong said: Sokka leveled a glare at him.
"Her loyalty… is to the Fire Nation," he said, firmly. "Provided she has the chance, she will turn on Ozai and bring about a new future for her people, a future without war, without slavery, without the darkness that has guided them for a hundred years. The Fire Lord is her jailer, not her liege lord. He saw to that months ago, and you'd do best to remember that."
"Whatever the semantics may be… the fact of the matter remains the same," Jeong Jeong said, firmly. "I do not underestimate your Princess, General… if anything, it's clear that Ozai would only force her to serve his cause again because he expects her intellect and leadership will aid him in the coming battles. Moreover… she's your weakness. Even if he's operating under the belief that you were only ever self-serving, only ever seeking your own advancement and never truly loyal or even affectionate towards her, he must know that there's a possibility that your heart would waver if she's a commanding officer for your enemy's forces."
Sokka breathed deeply: his heart churned with frustration, no matter how logical Jeong Jeong's words might be. He felt the need to shout at him, to tell him to silence himself at once… a need he didn't want to obey, no matter how powerful it might be. He couldn't do this right now, not right now…
"You know what?" Sokka said, with a dry grin. "I… I think I need a few days. Maybe longer than that. I've shared the most crucial information now, we all should process it, and we'll reconvene when my head is clearer than it. I can't make any decisions at the moment, I… my mind's all over the place, it already was before, and what you sprung up on me didn't help matters in the least. So… let's stop here. Ponder the possibilities on your own, but I need a break."
"About the War Minister…" Piandao cut in before Sokka left. "He's in the cells? He should be questioned for any information he may have failed to relay to you so far…"
"He should be, yeah, but if you don't mind, I… I would very much like for the interrogations to happen with supervision," Sokka said. Piandao's face fell.
"Sokka…"
"I'm sorry. I know none of this is… none of it is your fault, but the amount of damage that man can do if he communicates with someone with ties to the Fire Lord, if his new knowledge falls into the wrong hands is… it's overwhelming. I can't allow it." Sokka shook his head, rubbing his brow with his fingertips.
"Supervision how?" Zuko asked.
"Supervision as in, if any of you sends someone to question him, or even if you choose to do it personally, I'll need someone else to be there to ensure I'm informed, later, of every single kernel of information he reveals," Sokka declared, firmly. "Might as well just do it myself, actually…"
"Well, if you believe I'm trustworthy enough… I could do it for you," Rui Shi, so far silent behind Sokka, chimed in. Sokka glanced at him. "You have more than enough to deal with as it is, Sokka. I know exactly what you know, we questioned him together… if you trust my judgment, I'll sit through every interrogation he's subjected to and I'll report everything back to you."
"His information won't be fresh and current forever. The sooner he's forced to yield everything he knows, the better," Jeong Jeong said. Sokka rolled his eyes.
"Then we will reconvene once we're certain he's spilled everything he possibly can," Sokka said, shaking his head. "I'll speak with… with whoever of you I feel like speaking with later."
He was heavily burdened, more so with every passing moment: Azula's condition, the strain of having to plan ahead for fighting against tactics spawned from her clever mind… and then Jeong Jeong's treacherous behavior, his unpredictable choices, the madness behind trying to recruit Sokka's closest associates for himself. It was almost enough to send the Gladiator diving face-first into bed, hoping not to awaken again until the world fixed itself, until he could open his eyes again to find himself in his lover's arms…
He marched off to the upper floors of the Palace, leaving the White Lotus members behind, whether those he still could believe in or those he did not. Rui Shi didn't follow, and for now, Sokka suspected that would be for the better.
So much as conveying what he had told Jeong Jeong had succeeded at driving him into a state of stagnancy. He felt weakened, more so upon returning to his current headquarters to find a backstabbing attempt that, with any luck, would amount to very little. Where he had hoped to have the time to unravel what to do, to figure out his circumstances, he had been blasted by unwanted, dark realizations instead.
He wasn't alone… he knew that much. There were people he could trust no matter what. Even so…
Even so, he longed for her. For the strong, safe stability she could provide. For the security he felt with her, for they could field off any threats so long as they stood together. If she could be here, if she could reach for him, nothing would be so overwhelming. The dread swirling in his gut alarmed him, warning him that any missteps, any failures to read his circumstances clearly, would result in failure, and he might never reach her anew.
The White Lotus had never organized itself, articulating a proper front to fight the Fire Lord: he had done it for them. In doing so, now he had a perfect view of the twisted reasons why the Order had failed for so many years. With so many leaders, all of them with their own ideas, dismissing the rules and disregarding all caution when it suited them, it seemed that they would tug their end of the rope, resulting in the stagnant sensation that now squeezed Sokka's soul dry…
He couldn't let that happen. He couldn't allow Jeong Jeong and his divisive behavior to drive any further wrenches into their army. Either he'd learn to concede some victories to the bastard, something he didn't want to do, or he'd find a way to properly force Jeong Jeong into the uncomfortable position of helplessness in which he had been ever since Sokka's success in Omashu.
Keeping the man focused on their common enemy wouldn't work. Demanding that he set aside whatever aspirations and schemes he had in mind was bound to backfire. Jeong Jeong would keep going, constantly pretending not to be up to anything, only to be fully prepared to stab him in the back…
Just like Ozai would, if he let him.
Sokka dropped heavily at his typically chosen seat, in his room's balcony. He buried his face in his hands, fingers running through his hair: Ozai had already done exactly what Jeong Jeong seemed to want to… where Jeong Jeong would intend to turn Zuko into a mindless drone of the White Lotus, Ozai's own purpose was controlling Azula. All he sought, all he wanted, was to use her against him. Jeong Jeong inadvertently gave away his own intent by pointing out Ozai's: Azula was indeed Sokka's greatest weakness, and Ozai wouldn't hesitate to wield her against him.
Would he scale down his violence, his cruelty towards Azula? Would he change his tune with his daughter, all be it to convince her to aid him in fighting back against Sokka?
She had no choice, not really… not when Xin Long was in danger. Mai, Ty Lee, the Enforcers, everyone they'd known, were probably in danger too. Sokka couldn't blame her for whatever choices she had to make in order to protect those they had cared for. And if Song was truly there, just as Rui Shi believed… Azula had to keep all of them safe. She had no choice… and what would that entail? How far would Ozai push her? How else would he continue to punish her?
And even if Sokka saved Azula… even if he did somehow, he would likely turn around only to find Zuko standing behind him with another knife ready for his back, playing into Jeong Jeong's hand, whether consciously or not.
In fact… he was standing behind him right then and there.
Sokka winced, glancing over his shoulder: the banished prince eyed him remorsefully before stepping closer to him on the balcony.
"I don't… don't want to say it out loud, not too often," Zuko said, closing his eyes. "Otherwise, my hopes to be of help won't pay off. But Sokka, I know you may think I'm a fool for what I've done…"
"Zuko… what are you trying to say, or not to say?" Sokka said, unwilling to waste another moment listening to emotional explanations. Zuko winced.
"That I'm… I'm joining the White Lotus to be of use for you. Not for them."
Sokka frowned, and Zuko breathed deeply as he crossed his arms over his chest.
"Jeong Jeong… he came to me without any pretenses about his true intent: he wants me to be Fire Lord, and he believes the White Lotus will thrive off it, provided I'm part of the group. I spoke to my uncle, and believe it or not, he told me I didn't need to join. I could just keep things as they were, and I wanted to at first… but the more I spoke with him, the more he explained, the more difficult it was to maintain that resolve. You must know, don't you? Azula… she must have told you at some point, surely. My mom… she might have been responsible for my grandfather's death. I asked her about it today, told her I need to know the story when she's ready to share it, and she told me she's done terrible things, indeed. Paired with that? Uncle… he did something terrible to you and Azula, and who knows how many other terrible things he's done that I'm not aware of?"
"And?" Sokka said, leveling him with a skeptical stare.
"Everyone's… twisted," Zuko said, shaking his head. "So much of it is messed up and I can't help but think that… that if Suki were here, she'd see through everything so clearly. She'd know exactly who's in the right, who's in the wrong, which path to chart, which course to follow. Me? I've… I've got so many doubts that I couldn't seem to choose what to do at first. But right now… I think I know what my place has to be. I think I've chosen that place… and it's not simply being part of the White Lotus: I want to become for the White Lotus what you and Azula were for the Fire Nation."
"What?" Sokka frowned. Zuko breathed deeply.
"I want to reform the White Lotus. Whether to return it to its roots or make it something better than it ever was, I don't know. But I… I will use my voice to ensure yours is heard," Zuko said. Sokka's eyes widened. "Yes, you and I don't see eye to eye in a lot of regards, you're not wrong about that, but you're… you're the best leader I've ever followed. Which, I suppose, will sound empty considering that I haven't followed many, mainly my father… but my point is, I've learned so much in the past months that I can't even begin to explain the kind of man I feel I've become now. I'm not… I'm not here to be anyone's puppet. I don't know what's going to happen when the war ends, Sokka, but I do know that whatever does, I'll make sure Jeong Jeong won't have his way if that means he has his own plans for me, or for anyone else."
"Zuko…" Sokka said, shaking his head and sighing. "You think you're seeing things clearly? You truly believe he won't be able to manipulate you into making any choices you don't wish to make?"
"I know you think I'm an impulsive idiot who can… can get teased into picking a swordfight inside the house of a woman who's giving birth," Zuko said. Sokka grimaced at the memory, though his lips curved into a smile shortly afterwards. "I was that idiot for sure… but I don't think I'm that man anymore. In all these years, I've learned to stand up for myself, to trust my instincts, to hone them better, to not fall for deceit as easily as I would have years ago. Maybe you'd rather have someone other than me in this role… but it felt like this was the best thing I could do to help you. Jeong Jeong won't have things any easier with me in the Order, I promise you that much. He… he might even come to regret adding me to his ranks."
"Try not to make him regret it too much. He's not exactly a man with a conscience, as far as I can tell," Sokka said, eyeing Zuko remorsefully. "You really did this for the sake of helping me find a stronger foothold in the Order, rather than the other way around?"
"I'm going to shield you from their worst if I can. Filter out whatever nonsense they come up with that happens to be unacceptable," Zuko said. "If, perchance, Jeong Jeong started to float ideas about how killing Azula would be a possibility…"
Sokka clenched up visibly, and Zuko met his gaze meaningfully.
"I'll put a stop to it," he said. "Both me and Piandao… that makes us two voices against his. With my uncle, should he continue his contrition, we should truly keep Jeong Jeong in check. I can't pretend to be sure that I'll be able to take the Order into my control one day or so, I wouldn't really want to… but I can contain them while this war is being fought. I can put my headstrong behavior, my stubbornness, to better use fighting them than butting heads with you. Right?"
"You haven't done much butting heads with me for a while now," Sokka acknowledged. Zuko smiled.
"You've been on a roll as of late, I guess. You've made enough sense to earn respite from me," he said. "This way, the White Lotus can be less of a concern for you. You can focus on building battle plans… on figuring out how to save my sister."
Sokka swallowed hard. While he hadn't been too upset at Zuko for his choice, a part of him had certainly thought him foolish for making it… but right now, he sounded quite sensible instead of misguided. Perhaps he wasn't quite as wrong, as foolish and gullible, for deciding what he had…
"Sorry if… if I was too quick to think poorly of your choice. While I wanted to hope for the best, and while I trust you… it always feels like Jeong Jeong is up to no good," Sokka said, gritting his teeth. Zuko nodded.
"I have no idea what's going to happen once the war ends. But I do know that I'm not going to seek power just for the sake of it," Zuko said. "If anything… I hope to take a stand within the Order to ensure that it doesn't become some sort of secret organization that pulls the strings in every nation somehow. It almost… almost feels that way, already."
"I suppose it does," Sokka said, breathing deeply. "Thank you, then. I… things have been fucked up lately, and I feel fucked up, myself. Azula's situation…"
"I'm sorry you came back to all this when you were already dealing with something so heavy," Zuko said, remorseful. "I suppose that was the bigger mistake I made. I… I should've waited until you came back at least. But I guess I thought that, if I accepted while you weren't around, Jeong Jeong would be more likely to trust me since he'd assume, mistakenly, that I'm willing to turn my back on you if that's what he wants of me. Could be easier for him to admit what his true goal is if he trusts me that way."
"Could be," Sokka said. "You'd really given this a lot of thought, huh?"
"I had to," Zuko said. "My first impulse was to tell him to go to hell, so… yeah, unfortunately most people seem to think I'm the one who should go to hell instead. I didn't want to admit all this in front of them, though… felt like it's not a good idea to tell either my mother or Piandao that my intent is to stand up to Jeong Jeong rather than support his every move."
"They'll calm down once they see you haven't changed that much while being part of the Order, I expect," Sokka said, breathing deeply. "Thank you, though. It… it helps to think I won't have to watch out for you constantly…"
"Watch out for me or watch over me?" Zuko asked. Sokka shrugged.
"At this point, either thing would have felt like more or less the same amount of strain and annoyance to me," he said, breathing out slowly. "But I suppose… I suppose time will tell how things will turn out with this choice you've made, going forward."
"Yeah. I just… just wanted to clear the air a bit, make sure you understood what I don't dare say in front of everyone," Zuko said. Sokka nodded. "You'll, uh… just stay here?"
"I think so. For now, anyway," Sokka said. Zuko swallowed hard.
"Alright then. Thanks for hearing me out, Sokka."
The Gladiator only nodded. Zuko walked away, and Sokka was left to ponder matters, if with a slightly lighter heart. With any luck, the next day might bring better tidings… perhaps he'd feel in a better position to push forward with his next ventures. But for now, his heart had taken quite the beating, and perhaps he simply needed to recover from it.
The next weeks allowed him to heal, if only to a degree: the refugees from the Northern Air Temple were provided with places to stay in the Palace, while gradual work began for the sake of producing a few more hot-air balloons, seeing as building full airships would not be feasible with their current resources. Organizing the next ventures of the army wouldn't be easy, but work towards that purpose began then. For that purpose, the War Minister was interrogated a few more times, with Rui Shi as the witness on every occasion. The War Minister's deep fear of the situation only worsened constantly, resulting in confessions that amounted to pleas of desperation rather than genuine information anyone could make use of.
There was one thing, though, that troubled Sokka on his last personal interrogation of the man, weeks after bringing him there… one thing that saw him seeking out Ursa, on the morning after the interrogation.
"I'm sorry we couldn't speak last night, I suppose I turned in much earlier than you did," Ursa said, with a weak smile, as she sat with Sokka by a private dining room, where they'd eat breakfast without being bothered. "I hope it wasn't much trouble for you, if this was urgent…"
"No, it wasn't. It gave me more time to mull things over… which I'm grateful for, even if I fear that thinking about things too much, or too hard, is starting to take a toll on me," Sokka said, breathing heavily as he rubbed his brow with his fingertips. "I feel like I've aged ten years in the span of a couple of months, somehow. But anyway…"
"Are you feeling alright?" Ursa asked. "I mean, beyond the sensation of having aged beyond your years… do you have a headache?"
"I shouldn't be bothered to have one, should I? Feels like I'm getting those more often than ever lately," Sokka smiled sadly. "I… well, I'm feeling a little strange, there's no denying that. Nervous, anxious, and then there's some strange pain in my gut? It's been a weird morning, though to be honest, I was feeling that way ever since War Minister Qin said what he did. Should we even continue calling him that, heh? Maybe War Prisoner Qin is more like it…"
"Well, your humor may be dark, but I suppose you still have some left. That has to be a good sign pertaining your health," Ursa said, eyeing him warily. Sokka smiled awkwardly. "What did he say to you, Sokka?"
"The bastard is entirely convinced that you could be the solution to all our predicaments," Sokka said. Ursa frowned. "To put it simply… he believes that if I offered to trade you to Ozai in exchange for a ceasefire, there would be no more bloodshed and all would be well…"
"W-what?" Ursa gasped, eyes wide. "That's…"
"Wishful? Stupid? Wrong?" Sokka asked. Ursa grimaced.
"Probably all those things at once," she admitted. Sokka sighed and shook his head, rubbing his forehead again – while she was eating slowly, as she ever did, Ursa couldn't help but notice he hadn't even touched his meal. "I… I know the White Lotus leaders might find it terribly ironic considering how I behaved for years, and how deeply convinced I was that Ozai couldn't possibly be the man they knew him to be. But the truth is… I actually can't believe that Ozai would ever be trustworthy when it comes to keeping his word regarding any deals or agreements."
"You're right to believe so. He was under an oath of honor to not attack my tribe, and guess what he did as soon as I pissed him off?" Sokka said, with a dry grin.
"He's sworn countless oaths and kept very few of them, if the information I have about him and his choices is accurate," Ursa sighed. "After all the lives that have been destroyed, all the harm he has done to countless people…"
"It would be unthinkable to compromise with someone guilty of the crimes and horrors he's responsible for," Sokka concluded. "I think so too… but that being said, I hoped to bring this up to you, not just to ask if you truly believe that Ozai would ever agree to such an arrangement, but if… if you somehow wanted to go for it. I mean, as far as I understand, your relationship with him was complicated, but one of the first things you asked of me was whether or not I was fighting this war to kill him or to save your daughter. As deep as my resentment of him may run, I still would much sooner save Azula than commit to carving Ozai's heart out myself…"
Ursa closed her eyes tightly upon hearing those words, and Sokka breathed out slowly.
"Sorry. Wrong thing to say… worse yet during breakfast," he said. Ursa smiled sadly.
"It's fine. I… I can't even pretend I would judge you for it. When we first met, I did not know the things I do now. While I certainly remain relieved that saving Azula is more important to you than killing Ozai, I still… I can't pretend I have it in me to so much as consider forgiving him after everything he's done."
"Point is, I know you wished to return to him. If you no longer do… well, that's better for me, in a sense," Sokka said, breathing out slowly. "I have a very hard time believing Ozai would have ever… ugh, damn it."
"Sokka?" Ursa blinked blankly as he winced, clasping the table firmly. "Sokka, do you need me to call someone? Your sister, perhaps…?"
"I… no. It's fine," Sokka said, tensing up, clenched where he sat. "A-anyway, you're sure you don't want to do that? Even if… if it would mean going back home?"
"I don't have a home. I haven't had one for almost twenty years and I'm not exactly desperate to reclaim one, considering everything I've done and everything that has happened. So no, Sokka, I… I don't think there's any point in going back to Ozai for me. Not like this. Not after the pain he has caused our children," she said, shaking her head. Sokka breathed out and nodded. "Sokka, are you sure you're fine?"
"Honestly? I… I'm not," Sokka said, gritting his teeth.
"I'll call Katara, then…" Ursa said, rising to her feet. "This sounds like a reaction of stress or so, and you really could use medical assistance…"
"Stress?" Sokka asked. Ursa shrugged. "I…"
He was stressed, but not any more than he had been in recent times. There wasn't that much of a difference to his state today than over the past few days…
His eyes widened.
It wasn't his stress.
It wasn't his pain.
"Fuck," he said. Ursa raised an eyebrow. "Oh, no. Shit. This isn't… it isn't me. Ursa, it isn't me!"
"What do you mean it isn't…?" Ursa began, but the realization struck her an instant afterwards.
She gasped, covering her mouth with her hands: Sokka raised his gaze towards her… his hand gripping his lower belly.
"It can't be. It can't be Azula, it can't…" Ursa gasped, dropping on her knees again, staring at Sokka in chagrin. "Sokka…?"
He shuddered: another burst of pain, almost bad enough to make him feel displaced within his own body, a truly unfathomable sensation until then. It wasn't quite like what had happened in the swamp… but it was more violent, more direct, more physical than that.
Nine months had passed since Azula had left Sokka in the shores of the South Pole. The anxiety, the tension, the pain he felt through their connection could only mean one thing:
The baby was coming.