A/N:
Feels like I've done this many, many times before, but I can't just not bring it up, so...
My country is currently in a state of chaos where our tyrannical government intends to perpetrate itself in power through electoral fraud. It has been proven that they lost the presidential election at around a 70-30 margin and they nonetheless announced, with no proof, that they had won. There's been violence, protests, international conflicts, all the usual shenanigans that come in a set with this particular mess.
I write this note for the sake of alerting whoever is listening to please either express support for the truly democratic Venezuelan cause if you'd like to, or to at least inform yourselves properly of what's happening, not through biased information by questionable sources but through our actual people who are speaking out and making it patently clear that we are done with the establishment that has been ruining our lives across 25 years. We've seen far too many naysayers making up false allegations and claiming that this is just some attempt by foreign powers to take over the country: this is a blatant lie. Anyone who believes in the right of the people of any given nation to choose their own future should be ready to listen to what those people have to say. And a voting power that resulted in a landslide victory speaks clearly enough about what the people want now.
Inform yourselves. Learn more about the subject. Don't jump to conclusions. Don't assume you understand more about what's happening than people who have actually endured this for most their lives. More than anything, please keep in mind that no ideology could EVER justify dictatorships and autocracies (and yes, for the record, they are outright announcing they'll create reeducation prisons just for the "crime" of dissenting with their government, meaning they very much have a full bingo card in terms of dictatorships by now).
As for Gladiator, many of you can already tell we're headed towards our story's ultimate climax. It will be here relatively soon. I wish I were in a better emotional space to post it, but hopefully, by the time we reach the final battle, my own country's final battle will be resolved and with a favorable resolution for the people of Venezuela.
Thank you for reading thus far.
The Next Move
3
Kino smiled, watching Shina scramble happily across the newly crafted ship's deck… until the glare of one of the sailors fell upon him. He instinctively inched away from the child, trying to hold himself steady, though his resolve shook far more easily than he would have wanted it to…
Until Yue's hand clasped his.
By then, all concerns over being scrutinized faded away – not that the scrutiny did, of course, if anything it might be worse yet now… but Kino's face lit up quickly as he turned towards the tall woman standing beside him.
"Thank you for bringing us to see the ship you worked on," she said: Kallik and Shina laughed cheerfully, playing hide-and seek within the large wooden vessel, it seemed, while Amarok asked questions to a sailor, pertaining the maneuvers to steer by using the deep blue sails that already hung over the ship's mast.
"I hoped you guys would like it," Kino grinned, scratching the back of his neck with his free hand. "Though of course I didn't do that much myself, but I did have some experience after I helped build ships back in the south? Though I didn't do a ton of work there either, but… anyway, this is it!"
"It's remarkable," Yue smiled, taking in the ship with delight. "Manual work like this must be exhausting."
"Oh, it is. Though as I didn't do the bulk of it, I'm fine," Kino said, with a careless laugh. "It's the others who are more tired, I'm sure. I, uh… had a lot of chances to take breaks. Good excuses for it too, whenever you wanted me for anything…"
Kino bit his lip, trying to hide his smile and failing entirely at the endeavor. Yue laughed, squeezing his hand gently.
Their relationship continued to feel surreal for the former soldier. Every time she held his hand he'd feel a flutter of joy coursing in his system, and whenever she asked him to spend more time with her and her family, he'd rush to do it without hesitation. Naturally, they only kissed whenever the kids weren't around, for they didn't understand the nature of their relationship yet… but each kiss felt like the first again for Kino. Even though it seemed that Yue had eased into their tightening bond gradually, Kino's excitement about it didn't recede in the slightest… and he was rather fortunate, truly, that Yue found his behavior endearing rather than irritating.
That a Princess, of all people, wouldn't find him annoying… that she would find him appealing, even, to the point of actually starting a relationship with him, hit him with the force of a train-tank whenever he thought about it. His friends knew about it now… Zuko often teased him by saying he could barely believe Kino had seduced a Princess without even trying. He never failed to tell Zuko there had been no seduction altogether, on either side, but Zuko insisted, too amused by Kino's bashfulness to stop messing with him.
Life felt similar to how it had been in the South Pole, in a myriad of ways, for the weather mirrored that of the light period in the Southern Water Tribe. The northerners might have been less welcoming and friendly if the circumstances were any different, but as things stood, they had accepted the newcomers, even the firebenders, as they worked to craft the ships that would soon take them across the ocean.
So far, fifteen ships had been completed. Sokka stood on the deck of the latest one to be finished, a proud smile on his face, though the shipwright had news that would wipe it away quickly.
"We can't make more until we harvest enough material for it," he said. Sokka swallowed hard as his lips twisted downwards.
"You only had enough for fifteen ships, huh…?" he reasoned. The shipwright, a stout, blunt man, shrugged carelessly.
"Was I supposed to have more? Our stores aren't that hefty, General. We want to rebuild our fleet, but no one thought we'd have to do it overnight. Except for you, I guess…"
"You intended to do it over time," Sokka concluded, frowning. "Then, if we found the materials…"
"We send incursions into the northern Earth Kingdom to find material often, yes," the shipwright said. "But that's going to take some time, too, and we don't know how much of the wood they'll bring back will work for our purposes. Let alone how many more ships we'll be able to craft from it."
"How about if we use the finished ships to haul as much material on them as we can, and then we come back here? And yeah, I'm including you in that…"
"Heh! I'm not some spry youngling like you, General. I don't go on those trips," the shipwright said carelessly, and Sokka smiled at his refusal. "Point is, even if you arrange that, we'll have to take a break for a few days until the incursion's back. We can refine these ships a bit in the meantime, there's a few tweaks we can still do to improve maximum speeds…"
"Huh. That sounds interesting," Sokka remarked. "Do you want any help with…?"
His curiosity over the technical and mechanical aspects of the ships ended abruptly when he sighted a dark hot-air balloon, hovering some distance away.
He was the first to notice it, but Katara and Aang, resting nearby, sensed something was off when Sokka reacted to it by falling silent, stepping away from the shipwright. The firebender they had sent to Ba Sing Se as a messenger had returned weeks ago: while it was clear, due to the balloon's fabric, that this was no Fire Nation envoy, the likelihood that he would carry good news was slim to none.
"Katara?" Sokka called his sister, turning towards her with a frown on his face. "I need to sail back to the Palace right away. I mean, I don't know if that's where that balloon's aiming to land, but it's probably going there, so…"
"Yeah, I… sure, Aang and I can get us there. What do you think is going on?" Katara asked, jumping to her feet, as did Aang next to her. "Is someone trying to inform you that things are, uh…?"
"Going very well or very badly?" Sokka finished for her, with a dry grin. "I'm not sure they would bother sending a messenger for the first thing. I'd have to be the one to reach out to them to confirm that's the case, as I meant to, once we were ready to begin coordinating the next attack…"
Could Ba Sing Se be in danger? Omashu? Could any of the other operations have backfired somehow? Their messenger had been told that Toph's mission in the south had been a resounding success, and that Jeong Jeong's army was on its way to Yu Dao. He gritted his teeth, unease stirring in his gut. The longer this conflict went, the harder it was to anticipate whatever new setbacks would arise.
"Guys?"
Aboard the next ship, Kino had picked up on their tense behavior. He hadn't seen the balloon, however: Yue stood behind him, curious and confused as well. Sokka offered them a tense smile, raising a hand in their direction.
"We're going back to the Palace. You guys can stay here if you want, though," Sokka told them, before turning to the shipwright too. "Guess I'll have to ask you to teach me more about how to make faster ships later. Thanks for all your hard work."
"Oh, likewise, General Sokka," the older tribesman said, nodding in his direction. "Have a good day."
His kind wish wasn't bound to be fulfilled, but his kindness was appreciated. Sokka climbed on the gondola that Katara and Aang would boost all the way to the Palace, at the heights of the city. Kino was left behind to watch them go, a slight frown on his face even if he still held Yue's hand.
"What was that about?" Yue asked him. "Do you think…?"
A small shadow crossed overhead: the children hardly noticed it, but Kino's eyes widened when he glanced above to spot the hot-air balloon, progressing steadily towards the city. His chest tightened: if Sokka had run off as he had, this wasn't bound to be good news… but hopefully it was. Hopefully…
"Do you want to go too?" Yue asked. Kino gritted his teeth.
"Well… I'm curious. But… maybe not yet," he said, with a sad smile. Yue raised an eyebrow. "I'm not really involved in the big decision-making anyhow. I'll just be watching quietly and I won't be much help, so… I'd rather stay with you and the kids."
"Are you sure?" Yue said, squeezing his hand gently. "You don't have to do it just for our sake, if you'd rather…"
"I'd rather stay here. I mean it," Kino said, with an earnest smile.
Yue smiled too, biting her lip as she turned towards her children again. Kino did the same, hoping to put that ominous balloon out of his mind…
Whereas it was all that occupied Sokka's. His waterbending companions brought them to the Palace so fast that the balloon hadn't even landed yet once they arrived: a young man disembarked from it once it did, clumsily bowing his head towards Sokka, his face a mask of guilt and shame.
"G-General Sokka, sir. I bring… I bring a message for you from General Jeong Jeong."
Sokka snarled, though he nodded, stretching a hand towards the messenger.
"Thank you for coming all this way. Please…"
The messenger kept his head bent as he offered Sokka the scroll he had brought with him from the Earth Kingdom. The Gladiator breathed deeply as he received the missive, just as he heard noise behind himself – Aang had gone to inform Arnook and Pakku of what was happening. Everything, however, faded from view and from his awareness as Sokka spread the letter open, reading it with a heavy scowl.
General Sokka,
I regret to inform you that the battle to reclaim Yu Dao has been lost.
Our current situation is as follows: the forces under my command have mobilized south, away from the city. The siege weaponry we brought was dismantled by the enemy. The previous battle in Pohuai Stronghold resulted in a costly success: the enemy targeted our airship, destroying it before escaping to Yu Dao. Many of our hot-air balloons were lost in the fray as well.
In regards of the loss of life, we are two hundred members short. That number would be far steeper if we had attempted to fight for a moment longer. Half the waterbenders in my command are missing in action, presumed dead, including Colonel Anorak.
The enemy was expecting us. They planned extensively to counter our forces through incendiary bombs unlike any we have ever seen, some planted as mines, some launched through hand-held cannons. The Fire Lord has found a new provider of technology: the Fire Nation forces are far better equipped than we anticipated.
I await your command. Yu Dao cannot be taken as it is. It might be for the best to overlook the northwestern Earth Kingdom and move on to our more urgent pursuits. As must be apparent, we seized no ships, for our attack through the city's port resulted in the capture or death of the waterbenders I have already mentioned. The forests burn still with the flames they unleashed upon us. No doubt, Fire Lord Ozai wished to emulate Sozin's Comet once again, and I fear he would have succeeded should we have pressed on any further.
At the moment, my hope is to secure more ships in the central Earth Kingdom. Should you have any better advice to offer, I will gladly heed it. I apologize deeply for my failures, General Sokka. I await your command. Your army will follow it, whatever it may be.
Jeong Jeong.
Sokka stood in place for a long moment, simply drawing in a breath, then another. His eyes fixed upon the signature, unmoving, as though the rest of the words hadn't truly sunken in. As though he hadn't understood anything beyond who had sent this urgent missive…
He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to wrap his head around what Jeong Jeong had revealed.
But by the time he lowered the message, a snarl across his face, he knew he couldn't hope to deny reality for a moment longer.
"What happened? Sokka?" Katara asked him, approaching and placing a hand upon his forearm. "What did he say?"
"Jeong Jeong… lost," Sokka said.
Katara's eagerness to learn more froze over. The gravity of the situation struck her right away. No amount of excited eagerness to win a war could compensate for the dread of not knowing how steep the cost of defeat might prove to be for their allies.
"W-what… how? Why?" Katara asked, her voice charged with wariness. Sokka frowned heavily before raising the message again…
A dark shiver bloomed on the back of his neck, prickling across his scalp, spreading downwards too. He might as well have swallowed poisoned ice, for the sensation inside his body seemed to be keen on slipping through every blood vessel until it reached his heart, squeezing it out of all life and strength until he was but a husk on the ground…
The message didn't give away any information regarding who the enemy's commanding officer was.
Was it possible that Jeong Jeong hadn't figured it out? That he wouldn't have unraveled the identity of a leader who came up with the tactics that had far outdone his own?
Jeong Jeong's letter should be charged with accusations and judgment, if Sokka's instinctive guess was true, if Jeong Jeong didn't know who the enemy was but had suspicions of his own. But instead… the silences in his sentences suggested he wanted to keep something secret. Maybe he did know who his enemy was… maybe he simply didn't want Sokka to know for sure who was responsible for the devastating blow against their army. And why wouldn't he want to share that kind of information? Especially when it was vital information regarding the enemy forces and the first Fire Nation leader who had defeated the Gladiator Army?
His silences were far more damning than his honesty would have been. Sokka shuddered in place, handing the letter to Katara, unable to convey its contents as he covered his face with a hand, pacing away from her. The waterbender watched her brother with uncertainty before unfolding the letter – Aang, having returned moments ago, joined her and read it over her shoulder with an increasing sense of dread after seeing Sokka's reaction.
"They have… weapons? They destroyed the airship," Katara gasped, horror spreading inside her as her eyes raked the letter's contents desperately.
"Anorak…" Aang gasped, eyes wide. "Could he be…? T-that can't be. They would have…"
"I don't know if I can trust the Fire Nation to withhold its bloodlust, Aang," Katara said, eyes filling with tears: as much as Anorak had been closer to Sokka, she had learned quite a few useful waterbending tricks from him. She respected him as the leader of the waterbending forces of the White Lotus… he couldn't be another dead waterbender. She couldn't fathom it…
Sokka rested with a hand upon the nearest ice wall, careless about its temperature against his bare skin. He hunched over, his snarl gaining strength… he truly hoped Anorak was alive, as well as all the other waterbenders with him. He did, for if he wasn't…
"This can't be happening," were the first words he managed to say once Aang and Katara lowered the letter, horrified. "This can't be…"
"He didn't lose everything, but… he lost too much. Far too much," Katara said, her voice thick with tears. "Hell, how did it go so wrong? He had the largest part of the army with him, that battle couldn't have been so bad that he couldn't do anything…!"
"The weapons sound terrible, though," Aang said, grimacing. "Like… like those weapons with incendiary gas in the airships, but in people's hands? And bombs all across the land, I… m-maybe he tried to approach the city and couldn't find a way to do it. Maybe he withdrew because he knew he couldn't sacrifice so much when our ultimate goal is elsewhere…?"
"He withdrew… because he knew the battle was lost and could not be won," Sokka stated, pushing himself back to his full height: the menacing scowl across his face was marred with grief that gave Katara pause at once.
"Sokka, Anorak might have gone into hiding. He might be…"
"I don't… don't know if he's alive or dead. With any luck? She… she didn't kill him. Maybe."
Katara and Aang froze upon hearing him speak that way. Sokka was trembling, struggling to keep his emotions in check… as much as they had witnessed more emotional outbursts from Sokka than they ever imagined they would, this one daunted both the Avatar and the waterbender profoundly.
He was outraged, distraught, nervous, steeped in deep disbelief…
Betrayed.
"Sokka… w-what do you mean by that?" Katara asked, her voice faint. "Sokka…"
"He didn't say it…" Sokka said, with a dishonest, sardonic smile. "Didn't specify who's leading the enemy forces. He's ashamed, the fucking bastard, he… he thinks it's fine to keep the truth from me. Bet he thinks I can't know the truth because, if I did, I'd melt down and fall to pieces and join the Fire Nation…!"
"Sokka…!" Katara cried out: Sokka snarled and slammed a fist into the ice wall behind him.
This made no sense. He couldn't wrap his head around it. It was real… and it was the worst thing that could have ever happened to him. The worst possible development the war could have taken…
Ozai hadn't dared. He couldn't have. No matter how useful she had been at providing ideas as to where to strike next, as to what Sokka's next move might be, Ozai could have never trusted her with that kind of power again. Because, if he had, she would betray him. She would turn on him. That was why he wouldn't do it. She would never serve him again. She would never fight for his side of the war again. She would never…
Or would she?
"You're not seriously saying that… t-that the person fighting against Jeong Jeong was…?" Katara said, eyes wide with horror. "Sokka, that can't be! That…!"
"What is going on, if I may ask?" Arnook interrupted, stepping forward with a frown on his face. He and Pakku had arrived shortly after Aang had. Katara grimaced, turning towards him with uncertainty.
"W-well… maybe… maybe it's better if you and Master Pakku see it for yourselves," she said: the two men took the letter, freeing her to focus on her brother anew…
Though she wasn't sure she wanted to do that, either: she stepped forward warily, hoping to take his hand and heal it, for surely he had hurt himself hitting the wall…
Sokka jerked his hand out of her reach once he sensed her intent. He shook his head, trembling as he did. Katara eyed him with uncertainty, and Sokka snarled.
"Don't. I… I need it to hurt. I need it to… I'd rather feel that. I'd much rather feel that than…" Sokka said, shaking his head.
"He never mentioned Azula," Aang said, placing a hand on Katara's shoulder. "It might not have been…"
"Oh, no. That's… that's what you'd like to think, isn't it?" Sokka said, again with that dangerous, sardonic smile that gave away he wanted to do anything but smile right now. "That the Fire Lord has other competent officers in his control, that he could very well kick a rock and find a thousand people who could take on Jeong Jeong and deal him a rotund, absolute defeat this way, to the point where he turned tail and fled, giving up and as good as begging me to forget about Yu Dao and focus on the ultimate objective?!"
Aang grimaced: he hadn't thought about it that way. As usual, Sokka was reading deeper between the lines than he had dared, than Katara had… than Pakku or Arnook wanted to, too.
"You don't actually believe… Princess Azula?" Pakku said, frowning as he lowered the half-finished letter and stared at Sokka accusingly. "Jeong Jeong is trying to hide from you that… that she's the one who did this? The one who defeated him?"
"Right up his alley, isn't it?" Sokka snarled. "He's… embarrassed, I guess, that he was defeated! But more than that… he knew I'd lose it if he said it outright. Because, fuck, I'm… I'm losing it right now. I… I can't. It can't be her. It can't…"
"It's not!" Katara said, with a heavy scowl. "Sokka, everything you've heard suggests that the Fire Lord would never trust her again because of her relationship with you! Why would he send her to the frontlines if…?"
"That's precisely why," Sokka told her. Katara's eyes widened. "Because… b-because he wouldn't care. Because if she dies, he… he has our daughter. He could've seized her, he could've taken her from Azula…! So maybe she has no choice! Maybe she has no idea how to keep anyone else alive, but fuck, she's…! She's a menace. If I'm not misreading this… i-if I'm not misunderstanding it, then…!"
It meant Azula had become, once again, an enemy he would have to face on a future battlefield.
An unwanted memory of their very first encounter bloomed in his mind anew. His life had changed irremediably since that day: she had changed it, for the better and for the worse, at basically every turn, every point in time. She had become the hinge upon which he turned, and wherever the dial landed, it was always up to her.
But when they had parted ways, he had never fathomed the idea of going against the woman he loved on any battlefield again. He had never imagined the day would come when anything as nonsensical as that would happen…
And yet that damnable letter suggested it was happening already.
Was Ozai holding Hotaru as his newest hostage? Was that the sole reason why he had allowed the baby to be born safely? Because he could use her in the future…? It was a far more cerebral choice than Sokka would have expected from Ozai… but the man's expertise had always been the ability to corner people into doing his bidding or paying a price they weren't ready to afford. Azula would never be ready to lose their child, or her dragon, or whoever Ozai still held as his prisoners…
But a dark, beating warning on the back of his head reiterated that he had no idea if that was the case. That he couldn't know if Azula had read his letter. Even if she had, he didn't know how she had reacted to it. He didn't know if she was truly upset over what he'd been doing… or to what extent her rage might extend, if she was.
Could she have killed Anorak? Could she have truly gone as far as that to preserve the Fire Nation's control over Yu Dao?
Half his heart was determined to say it was impossible. It wasn't Azula, and if it was, she didn't do it willingly. Surely she had spared Anorak, surely he was her prisoner, surely she would treat him with proper respect if that was the case… and another half told him he had no idea who Azula had become over the course of the past year. She was a mother now, she had taken in Zhao's child, she had told Ozai to attack the Northern Water Tribe, she had even helped the Fire Lord pressure the Mechanist into creating weapons that had come dangerously close to annihilating the Water Tribe entirely.
Who was he trying to defend? Who was he trying to make excuses for? Was it the woman who had stood by his side, encouraging him to reach the pinnacle of his potential, ready to defy her father and rebel against him, eager to build a new world by Sokka's side? Or was it a stranger who would sacrifice a thousand lives for her own purposes, someone who would care little for whatever horrors she needed to do in the Fire Lord's name in order to secure her own survival…?
It made no sense. Nothing did. He wanted to be mad at Jeong Jeong for lying, for covering up the key element of the information he was offering in his letter, for failing to come up with a strategy to outdo his enemy's… but as much as that would have been fair grounds to resent the old man for, his heart could not move away from the horrible position it was latched onto. He could not stop thinking of the fact that only Azula could have done anything like this… that only Azula would compel Jeong Jeong to hide the truth behind silences in the vain hopes that Sokka would fail to interpret the truth correctly.
What was more… could it be his fault? Could it be his responsibility? Could it be that Sokka's actions and choices had forced hers?
Could he be failing to read this correctly, and Azula had nothing to do with it at all?
That last thought actually brought him to let out a disbelieving laugh as he covered his face with his hands. He shook his head before raising his glare at the messenger, who had shrunken back in a corner, unwilling to meet his eyes.
"You," Sokka said, his voice charged with a vitriol that alarmed Katara at once. "You were in the battlefield. You were sent here… to bring that message. Tell me… Yu Dao is still in the Fire Nation's grasp?"
"Y-yes, General. We… we couldn't win," he said – if he could have shrunken any further, he would have.
"Why?" Sokka asked, stepping up to the messenger and kneeling before him. "Tell me the truth. If Jeong Jeong gave you any orders to keep the truth from me, consider them revoked. I will beat him to within an inch of his life if he tries to hurt you for telling me anything, so…"
"Sokka…!" Aang gasped.
"Shut up!" Sokka growled, startling both the Avatar and his sister. "I want the truth, and I will have it now! So tell me this moment, damn you: is Azula in Yu Dao? Did she lead the Fire Nation in this battle or not?!"
The messenger looked like he was an instant away from bursting into tears: oh, yes, he had received the very orders Sokka had just called out. He snarled, and the man shut his eyes tightly.
"S-she… s-she was there. In the walls. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I…"
"Fucking… FUCK!"
Sokka roared: his fist impacted the floor, and this time he cracked the ice, as well as enough of his skin to bleed.
Katara called for him, as did Aang. The messenger squeaked before bursting into tears, and Arnook and Pakku watched in horror… but Sokka saw none of it. He heard none of their words.
For he was in a vortex of blood and fire, of smoke and ruins, and it all converged around her.
It was the destiny he had never wanted to believe in. It was the fate he had refused to accept as a possibility.
It was the truth he had rejected from the moment he had first embraced his role at her side.
He shoved himself up to his feet, away from the others, marching back outside the Palace. Rage blinded him. Frustrations and anguish tore away at him. The unfairness of her choices, the cruelty of Ozai's… all of it balled together into a nightmare in which he couldn't make out his bearings.
Why? How could she find no other way out? What the blazes had caused her to accept this kind of role in Ozai's administration after everything he had done to her?
Did she hate Sokka quite so much? Did she blame him for her suffering? Was this her revenge for how he had ruined her life, how his mistakes had landed her in a place she couldn't be rescued from? Had she been waiting for him to save her first… had she wanted him to take her with him on this journey into war? Was that what she had thought he would do? Did she think he could do that? How could he have ever reached out to her, saved her, brought all her treasured people along with them, too? If that was what she wanted, if that was the only way in which she would ever side with him, her expectations were impossibly unfair…
But what if that wasn't it? What if her choices had nothing to do with him? What if it was a simpler truth, one he had never wanted to accept…?
The truth that had been staring him in the face since she had first made that cruel choice to separate them, that still tormented him:
She would never choose him over the Fire Nation.
She had stood on the deck of her ship, sailing away, torn apart by the anguish and the pain. She had been ready to die at the prospect of his death, when he had deceived Ozai. She had suffered indignities on top of indignities by the Fire Lord's hand because of their love…
And she still would not choose him over the Fire Nation.
It was unfair of him to want her to do so… that he was prepared to immolate the world for her didn't mean she had to be ready to do the same thing. But was he actually ready for that? Was that what he was trying to do? Was he ready to send thousands to their deaths for her sake?
He was, though. It was what he had done for months now. It wasn't only the people under his command… he was ready to cut down every soldier that stood between himself and the woman he loved. Nothing could stop him, that was how he had pushed himself to the extreme ever since he had set out from the Water Tribe…
He had left his people. She had dropped him off there, and he had chosen to leave again. Yes, he had seen to their protection first, and his leaving had protected them more, too… but he had chosen her. How wrong was it of him to wish she'd do the same? How twisted was it that he would cling to memories of Shu Jing, believing they should have stayed there forever… only to realize now that Azula couldn't possibly feel the same way? Had she looked back at those moments with bitterness, with remorse, with certainty that she was making the right choices now, where she hadn't before…?
He didn't know where his feet had brought him until he landed heavily on his knees in the grassy area of the Spirits' Oasis.
His trembling hands, his choked throat, the tears spilling down his face, contorted by a furious snarl… all of it blended into a display of frustration and rage he couldn't hope to quell. He couldn't help himself. He couldn't help himself.
He screamed.
The echo of his voice seemed to break the world apart: everything turned black as he let his vision be clouded by the conflicting emotions colliding in his heart.
"Why?! You know why I'm doing this! I told you why! Azula, just… why?!"
He screamed into nothingness. Into that blackness he could make nothing out of. He roared with rage… and he felt her quiver. He felt her tremble. Could he feel her at all? Was he imagining things? Surely he was… for if she had become the woman his forces reported she was, their hearts could no longer be one. Their energy could no longer be attuned. And whose fault was it, if that was the case? Hers, for standing loyal to her father… or his, for expecting her to turn her back on the Fire Nation?
"I… I can't afford to do anything else. I can't."
Her voice rang inside his head: the rage dimmed when he heard it.
She had no choice. She never had any choices, as far as she could tell… he trembled again, shaking his head abruptly.
"You… you have far more choices than you're letting yourself believe you do," he snarled. "Don't tell me you couldn't do anything but… but lead the charge against my forces. You could have sabotaged your father's army. You could have made a different call!"
"And what would the outcome be, if I had?" she rebuffed. "I can't… can't protect enough people. I'd be sacrificing hundreds to save thousands…"
"And you'd rather sacrifice thousands, then?!"
"I didn't do it because I took joy in doing so! I did it because I believed in you!"
Sokka balked. He frowned, turning in that darkness… wanting to find her in it. Wanting to track down the location of her voice. He needed to reach her. He needed to…
"What's that supposed to mean?" he finally asked.
She remained silent for a moment. He snarled.
"Answer me!" he exclaimed. Again, her anguish gripped his heart tightly.
"You… you can save them. Just as I save the ones within my reach. That's… that's what I thought. What I was thinking. What I hoped… but…"
"But this is war," Sokka snarled. "It doesn't matter how merciful I try to be, it doesn't matter how much I'd rather not kill anyone, people are going to die! I can't save everyone!"
"And neither can I."
"Then don't fight!"
"I could say the same to you."
Sokka winced: now it seemed her own rage was surging… and he couldn't shrink against it. He couldn't lose faith in his own choices, choices he had made to… to save her. To help her. To reach her…
"I'm doing this for you," he said, bluntly, unwilling to acknowledge the greater motives to fight this war anymore. A soft, disbelieving laugh echoed in the distance.
"And I never damn asked it of you."
"So you wanted me to sit at home, wasting away while you were torn to pieces by Ozai?!"
"Yes!"
"You're…! Is it that hard to understand why I had to do this?! Azula, that bastard sent his army after me! If I didn't fight back when I did… if I didn't, this world would never change! We would never have a chance to be together! We would lose everything!"
"We already have."
A deep dread burst inside his chest. She couldn't mean that. She couldn't…
"We will never regain everything we've lost. We will never find our way back to the people we once were. Our partnership… our marriage? We believed in each other faithfully, blindly, and look at how many things we've done to break all our vows to each other!"
"I broke no vow, I…!"
"You swore you'd never make me choose between you and my people! And yet that's exactly what you're demanding of me now!"
Sokka snarled. Hot tears spilled down his cheeks, and he shook his head with unrestrained frustration. He could as good as hear the heaviness of her breaths.
"So don't… don't ask me to do something you'd never do. Don't ask me to forsake the only thing that's still within my power to save. Don't ask me to trust your forces, your… curses, Jeong Jeong, Sokka? You're outraged about my choices, but you joined forces with…!"
"Jeong Jeong tried to kill me. Your father did, too," Sokka snarled. "For that matter? We're fucking even."
"Are we? And what about Iroh?"
"I meant to drop him at your feet so you'd pass judgment over him… if you must know. But I guess you'll think that I betrayed you anyway…" Sokka scoffed, with a disbelieving smile. "This is just…! I don't…! I don't want to fight you, curses! That's what this boils down to! That's all I want you to understand! Stop making it so I have no other choice, Azula! Stop cornering me the way your father cornered you! You never asked me to save you… well, I never asked you to save me either! And you kept doing it, over and over and over again! You never cared about what I wanted back when I was ready to die because I couldn't handle the guilt of my own existence! But now…! Oh, now I'm the one who has to accept it when you decide you don't want to be saved! I'm the one who has to back off and let you kill yourself in battle if you want to?
"Because…! Isn't that what you're up to? Isn't that what you're after?! You want to die! You just want to put a stop to everything, to walk away, to run away from every difficult, painful, wrong choice you've made! It's easier, isn't it?! So much easier than facing the people you've wronged! So much smoother to fathom that idea than making amends for your mistakes! I'd know: I was exactly where you are now when I killed so many men under orders of a man who calls himself one of your people! While I served a system in your nation that was trying to destroy anyone like me! And even then… even then, I lived on, I fought, I survived until you decided to make more of me than I was ready to become! Now you stand wherever you do, believing I've betrayed you, believing I've done something unforgivable, right? Because I dared go against your designs! Because I had it in me to fight back against your father and every wretched pretense that he tried to impose upon the world…!"
"If that's the case… if that's how you feel, why are you quite so upset and outraged at me? I shouldn't matter! Your rage should guide you on! Go on, Sokka… fight on, destroy everything you despise about my nation, about my people! Just know… that I will stand between you and them every time. And if you intend to join your White Lotus friends in finding revenge against my wretched nation, you'll have to find it in you to fight me first! To go against me whenever I stand against you! If you don't have the courage to do it… then stand down, withdraw your forces and leave things as they are! You've caused more than enough destruction, more than enough harm and chaos! And if my choices are so unfathomable…!"
"They are because you should be standing with me!" Sokka roared. "It's where you belong! It's where you've always…!"
"You don't get to decide that."
Sokka's chest heaved. He shook his head, trembling, and even though tears spilled down his face, his rage returned at full force instead.
"No… clearly, I don't get to decide a damn thing when it comes to me and you."
"That's not what I…"
"You've always called the shots. You've always decided what needs to be done. It's always been up to you. And I… oh, I've tried to wrap my head around it. I've tried to let it be, to let it go, to accept that you would know better than me, that you would see things more clearly… but you don't anymore. No… you really, really don't. You have no idea what you're doing, how your actions are condemning you, how your allegiances are impossible to justify! The people you're trying to protect… wouldn't they, too, choose another path if it were available to them? Instead of kill or die… you could protect everyone you're concerned by and bring them to me! Bring them to join us! We would be unstoppable together, damn it, Azula! He would have no power over us! This is what we were born to do! This is the destiny we've been reaching for, without even knowing it, for all our lives! And yet… you're choosing to stand against me. To stand in my way… how many died, Azula? How many of those waterbenders did you…?"
She remained silent. He snarled, throwing a fist out into that darkness, as though hoping to find another wall, any surface in which to strike his knuckles for catharsis's sake. He found nothing.
"Answer me!"
"How many did you kill?" she asked. Sokka snarled. "How many, with your own sword, your own hands? We're… we're not innocent. Neither of us is. But none of this would be happening… if you had done as you were told and stayed in the Southern Water Tribe. None of this would be necessary…"
"Sounds like you don't know me that well in the end… if you thought there was any chance that I'd ever just do as I was told."
"Ah… that so? Then… then you didn't know me all that well either, assuming I'd turn my back on my people just because of you."
"Just because of…? What the hell do you even…? How can you say something like that after everything you've done for me? How could you act like I'm being unreasonable when…!"
"Sokka, I chose you over my father, but I did not choose you over my nation!"
"And yet you're choosing him now…!"
"I'm not, I…!"
"You are! Say what you will, that's exactly what you're doing!" Sokka snarled. "He's using you against me! You're his shield! He knows, he believes, that as long as he can manipulate you through your people, you'll always do his bidding! And don't act like you have no idea what I'm talking about, because this is exactly how he's always acted! This is his favorite way to operate! That piece of shit will tear us apart if you let him, and damn it, you're letting him! Couldn't you just… stay there, waiting for me, just as you've asked the same thing of me?!"
"You have no idea… no idea what kinds of things I've had to do. The kind of person I've had to become. You don't even know what kinds of sacrifices I've made, the lives I'm risking…!"
"I know enough. I know he's holding Xin Long as his hostage, Azula, but…"
"How the hell can you ask me to forsake him?!"
"Aren't you doing exactly that now, fighting wars in Yu Dao rather than staying near him?!"
"It's not the same! Standing up to my father means letting him die! It means giving him every excuse to punish me further by killing him, by hurting Hotaru, Rei, Song, Mai, Ty Lee…! How many people do you want me to sacrifice for you, Sokka?! Do you want me to hand over our daughter and run for the hills, saving my miserable hide rather than protecting the people I've vowed to defend with my life?! Is that the woman you want me to be?! Because, blast it all, I've become a much worse monster than you ever thought possible… but that'd be asking me to reach heights of madness I could never fathom! Still, though, is that the kind of coward you'd rather I would be? Is that the kind of woman you could ever love, Sokka?! Because if it is…! Then you're better off looking for that person elsewhere rather than in me!"
"I'm not saying… That's not the point. That's not why I…!" Sokka gritted his teeth, but Azula scoffed.
"You knew this would never be easy. From the first moment…! You tried to push me away, to convince me that we were a bad idea, because you knew a love like ours would be too challenging for either of us! That it would be a nightmare to overcome every grievance, every hurdle, every horror we'd have to face in order to stay together! And when I finally understood that, you… you pushed in! You broke your promises! You stopped listening to reason and pretended you could handle everything I was, everything this love entailed! And yet now… now you're here, rebuking me for everything you always knew was in the cards for this relationship? Don't hold me responsible for your wishful thinking, Sokka! Don't pretend I lied about what was truly going on under the surface, because I never did! Neither one of us is blameless… neither one of us has done the right thing without fail. We've hurt each other. We've broken every blasted vow that bound us together. And maybe… maybe that's all we could ever hope for. Maybe that's truly the destiny we were fated for."
Sokka snarled. He hated arguing with her. He hated clashing with her… for he would never fail to second-guess himself, to question his beliefs, his assumptions, his expectations. She had a way with words that he loved helplessly whenever she wasn't turning it against him…
"This is the destiny we're fated for?" Sokka asked, his voice quieter, but charged with emotion regardless. "Being… on opposite sides of this war? Being enemies, after we weren't that, for as long as we weren't? You're telling me… that if we cross paths on a battlefield, I'd better be ready to fight you with everything I've got or surrender if I don't have the guts to stand against you?"
"I… I don't know. I don't see… I don't see another way out."
"Either one of us surrenders… or we kill each other. That's how it is, huh?"
She had to be questioning herself. She had to be doubting her choices… but Sokka's mind suddenly cleared fully. He tightened a fist, determination rising in his chest as a reborn phoenix might…
"You've made your choices every time. Guess it's time for me to make mine," he hissed. "If this is the fate you choose… then I'll find my way to prove you wrong. As I always have. You're not choosing this for us. You're not choosing this for me. Fight me all you want… but for once, I see beyond what you do. My rage doesn't blind me to the point where I've convinced myself that there's no other choice. But maybe yours did. So wait for me, then… wait. I'll come to you. We'll settle this directly because… because I'm done with this. It's been enough. If you want to shout at me, scream, call me every name you can think of… you'll do it to my face. No more vague spiritual nonsense… I'm coming to find you, Azula. And whatever the hell comes then… I'll twist destiny into whatever I want it to be with my own hands if I have to. But I'm done letting you dictate everything… most of all when you're going down a path I refuse to follow. I'm not… not yours to do with as you please. You've made it so. I'm not backing down… and I know neither will you. So we'll be settling this… we'll be settling this outside of this ridiculous place, whatever it is. Look forward to it or dread it, I don't care which one you'd rather do: I'm coming back, Azula, and nothing is going to stop me. Not even you."
"You…" her voice was charged with emotion… but he knew she'd give as good as she got. He wasn't surprised in the least when that was exactly what happened next. "You'll get through to me, you think? You expect that I'll fall apart as soon as I lay eyes upon you again? Well… go ahead and try. Go on, then. Keep fighting. Keep charging like an angry bull into everything… that's worked for you in the past, hasn't it? Go on and keep letting your impulses and instincts take you wherever you care to go. But I'm not… I'm not about to get swept up by you. I'm not going to back down. If it's to be war between us… then let it be so."
"It only is because you made it so."
"I beg to differ."
This would never be resolved this way. It couldn't be. Sokka snarled, tightening his fist…
He raised his glare to find golden eyes staring into his.
They were accusatory. They were hurt. They were desperate. They were helpless.
Azula needed him… but she wouldn't say it out loud. Her desperation had to be contained. Her frustrations with his choices did not undo, no matter what she said, the pain she felt over going against him.
She knew she stood on the wrong side of the war. She simply believed she had the right reasons to do so.
So he breathed deeply, closing his eyes, letting that final mirage of Azula fade away.
He came to in the Oasis. His tight fist was wrapped around her necklace.
No one had come after him. He was glad they hadn't. He couldn't have reached the conclusions he had if they had been there, cutting him off from that connection with Azula.
Even now, he wondered how real it was. Her unwillingness to talk about the waterbenders gave away that she either felt immeasurable guilt over their fate… or that this illusion, or delusion, was but his mind playing tricks on him. But he pushed himself to his feet now, knowing that an argument between them, over these subjects, would have very well proceeded exactly as it had. It would have set his heart of coal on fire, much as it would have done nothing to move hers, of ice.
There was no relief this time over their bridged souls. He couldn't help but wonder how they remained connected when they were immersed in conflicts as intense and deep as the one they had just argued so fiercely about. A part of him couldn't quite help but find a vulnerability in Azula that might just be his imagination… it felt like she was lying about far more things than she wanted to admit. No, not about the people she wanted to protect… but about her choices. Saying that she thought he would come to save the people she was condemning had been honest, yes… but everything else was questionable. No matter how sincere she tried to be, no matter how blunt and truthful…
She mixed in lies and truths, ensuring he wouldn't know what to think. He had tried to do the same thing, in the end… she might have seen through him. Maybe she was too desperate to think everything through, though. Hopefully…
Sokka breathed deeply, stuffing the necklace in his pocket and marching out of the Oasis. A somber energy seemed to envelop him, the heavy frown on his face making it starkly clear that he would stand for no opposition, no protests, right now. The darkness of his heart that Zhao had told him to embrace… it seemed to have merged fully with everything he was. The desperate, deep affection that nestled in his heart for the woman he loved would simply have to coexist with his intent to defeat and destroy anything that dared stand in his way.
But Sokka would make his move now, without giving Azula the chance to be one of the obstacles standing in his way at all.
Her chest heaved once she woke up. Once she sat up, holding Hotaru to her chest.
The baby was still asleep somehow. She had dozed off with her in her arms, in her bed… the exhaustion of the past week, as she recovered from the battle of Yu Dao, had yet to leave Azula's body. Hotaru had finally started sleeping at more reasonable hours, to a degree… but even though the child remained soundly asleep despite the abrupt movement of her mother, Azula was anything but placid right now. Anything but calm, or soothed…
She rose from the bed, climbing out of it and depositing Hotaru carefully in her crib, near the window. Her trembling hands drew back, gripping the side of the crib. She couldn't find enough air, even though there was plenty. Even though the windows were fully open. Even though everything seemed to be as it should be…
But that horrifying dream had not felt like a dream. She was awake now… and it still haunted her. It still seemed to spin around inside her head, taking root in her soul, sending a dark message through her body that she hadn't known she didn't want to hear:
Sokka was coming, and he wouldn't set aside his cause for her.
All hopes that he could have changed the outcome on the battlefield in Yu Dao, had he been there, evaporated quickly. If he had been there… he would have wanted her to surrender. He would have expected her to do so. He would have assumed she'd know better than to stand her ground and defend the Fire Nation…
She didn't know better than that, though. These were her people, no matter if Yu Dao was not her hometown. She was their Crown Princess. It was up to her to defend them from harm, no matter how righteous Sokka's cause might be.
But he wouldn't hear it. He wouldn't fathom it. His rage was fiercer, stronger… far more frightening than that of her father. She had never wanted to anger Sokka like this, even if she had known it would happen once he learned the truth. But oh, she had been a fool. A fickle, mindless fool who assumed his compassion was infinite. She had never imagined that, if she offered a challenge of this nature to him, he would simply rise to it. If she meant to be his enemy… then he would pay her with the same coin.
It was obvious. It should have been obvious. It was the outcome she had anticipated, and yet…
Tears spilled down her cheeks as she sat on the bed again, covering her face. Her shoulders shook with sobs she couldn't restrain: there was no hope for her, there never had been. Sokka wouldn't be the one to show her compassion… which was for the best, as she deserved none. She knew she didn't. He would come to Yu Dao, and he would strike at her for what she'd done.
Her treacherous heart dared tell her it would be far better to die by his blade than by the hand of any other man, and she winced over that dark thought.
He wouldn't dare… and yet, what if he did? It would be, again, what she deserved. He would simply be doing what she had pushed him into. She had cornered him… leaving him no choice but to kill or die. And this time, the one he would have to kill was Azula herself.
She could only hope Anorak would fulfill her request. That he would tell Sokka the truth once she was gone. That he would explain everything, along with Song and Rei. That Sokka would one day know… that she had given up. That she had known her fate could no longer be salvaged. That the only hope left she had for the future was that Hotaru would grow up with him, safe and soundly with her father…
It would be out of Azula's hands by then. It would be up to Sokka, up to those she loved and who loved her… they would be the ones to sort out whatever might happen next in their world. For she would be gone… she would pay for her every sin, every mistake, every flaw with her blood, as she always had known she would.
"M-mom…?"
Azula winced, trying to stop the torrent of tears once she heard Rei calling for her. Her attempts to stifle her tears went nowhere. Her sobs probably had alerted the girl who had been sleeping placidly in her futon, inside the room she shared with Azula, Hotaru and Song these days. But where the healer hadn't woken up, and neither had the baby, Rei had somehow picked up on the fact that something was wrong, and Azula couldn't even compose herself to say anything reassuring to her.
She shook her head, but Rei didn't take that as a rejection. She pushed herself out of the futon, stepping towards the Princess with uncertainty.
"I-is it… everything?" Rei asked, quietly. "Are you overwhelmed by…?"
She didn't know what was wrong. She wanted to help. To understand. Azula couldn't fault her for that… just as she couldn't tell her the truth. The tears continued falling, and before Rei knew it, Azula was clinging to her with utter helplessness, crying on her shoulder, bereft of any anchors to keep her grounded but Rei. The girl wrapped her arms around her mother, closing her eyes and reassuring her with words she doubted would have any effect on Azula's mental state. She was lost… for all her hopes had been dashed and destroyed that night.
The man she loved would come for her… but not for the blissful reunion she had longed for. Blood would be shed, and the death toll of this war would only rise higher still… and he would attain his victory, even if the price for it was Azula's head.
Zuko had overheard there was trouble. He didn't want to face it right away… but he made up his mind to do so quickly enough. Gathering his strength as best as he was able, he began his trek down the stairs to find a most tense conversation between Aang, Katara, Arnook and Pakku. He swallowed hard as he stepped into view, only managing to focus on their words once they were within sight.
"… This is difficult for him. He knew this was a possibility, we all did, but…" Aang said, gritting his teeth.
"That woman is a menace if she truly is responsible for dealing Jeong Jeong a defeat as brutal as this one. Could General Sokka genuinely believe he can defeat her, himself?" Pakku rebuffed. "This… this is the real reason why women should not be granted that kind of training or power. They're too menacing."
"Oh, fuck off," Katara huffed, and Pakku scoffed at her rudeness. "Every Fire Lord in the war has been male and their death toll has been far worse than whatever she did in Yu Dao! And no, I'm not excusing her, but you're not going to blame this on her being a woman! Not while I'm right here to tell you to shut it!"
"Katara… we need to keep a clear head," Aang said, clasping her shoulder as she scowled at the waterbending master. "Bad enough that Sokka stormed off like that, this is… it's complicated. We can't antagonize our allies right now…"
"I don't know about that, if that's how our allies want to act."
"What's going on?"
Zuko finally dared speak, bringing everyone's attention to him. Arnook eyed him remorsefully, bowing his head in his direction. Why were they looking at him that way? His friends seemed scared… Pakku seemed respectful, perhaps?
"Prince Zuko. It's good to see you on your feet anew," Arnook said. "I… goodness. I think it will be for the best if your group discusses the best path forward once your leader returns. If he returns, too. You might do best to look for him soon, if he doesn't."
"We will. It just… felt like a bad idea to follow him just now," Aang said, gritting his teeth.
"What's going on with Sokka?" Zuko asked. Katara sighed… and she handed him the letter.
His shock over Jeong Jeong's defeat was immediate, but his confusion pertaining everyone's strange behavior didn't fade away: he had the distinct feeling they had been talking about Azula when he started eavesdropping, but nothing in the letter said anything about her.
"Sokka is cross that we lost the battle of Yu Dao?" Zuko said. Katara sighed.
"He thinks Jeong Jeong is hiding that… that Azula tore him to shreds," Katara concluded. Zuko's eyes widened.
"What? Why would he assume it was Azula?" Zuko scoffed. "It could have been anyone else. It doesn't have to have anything to do with…"
"The messenger confirmed that she was there," Katara said. Zuko's eyes widened.
"She… but it doesn't mean she's the leader. It might be…"
"If it weren't her, Jeong Jeong would have given open information regarding who the enemy leader was," Aang continued. "At least, that's what Sokka thinks. It's possible, yes, that it wasn't her, but…"
"It sounds like it must have been. The way Sokka puts it… there's no noteworthy military leader in the Fire Nation besides General Tiang who could pose a challenge for our forces, and we already captured him," Katara said.
"He might not know about others. It's hardly like he personally knew the entire Fire Nation army," Zuko scoffed. "My sister wouldn't…"
He didn't know, for sure, if she would or wouldn't in terms of her willingness… but as he looked at the letter again, he had to acknowledge that Azula would have the strength, the might, the strategic prowess to defeat Jeong Jeong.
"She couldn't be fighting for our father to this extent," Zuko said, shaking his head. "It's unthinkable. There's no way she would have done that after what he did to her. She's not stupid…!"
"I don't think stupidity is what anyone would deem to be the motive behind her choices," Arnook said, frowning. "Fire Lord Ozai's cruelty is well known. Whether she has been coerced into it, or manipulated, perhaps… it's not a matter of foolishness, I suspect, as it may be of desperation."
"But if she's desperate she could very well have lost the battle in such a way as to not look like she lost it purposefully, right?" Katara said.
"She could have, but… how many people would have died, if she had?" Zuko frowned. Katara winced. "That's… that's bound to be why she wouldn't do that. But even so…!"
"Oh, this is all preposterous," Pakku huffed, turning towards the messenger, who remained crouched by the wall. "You! Have you had any food yet?"
"W-well, no, sir, but…"
"Come. You'll be fed and you'll carry more letters for us. Move along."
"Pakku…" Arnook sighed, watching as Pakku shepherded the young messenger away from the three outsiders. "Oh, well. Pakku doesn't particularly like sitting on his hands when there's something he could be doing to change matters… he may think of a solution to this situation, I don't know. I'll reach out to you again later. If General Sokka returns, well… oh, just make certain he's fine. Your armed forces can't afford to lose him."
Katara snarled, but she nodded in his direction.
"Don't worry. We… we'll find a way to keep him grounded," she said. Arnook nodded before following Pakku and the messenger to the higher levels of the building.
"Sokka's lost it," Zuko said, with a frown. "Fuck. I mean, I'd warned him that she might have to do terrible things, or that she might have done them already, but… I admit, I didn't think it would ever go this far."
"Your piece of shit of a father knows exactly how to hit people when they're down, in their weakest spot," Katara scowled. "I can't believe how easy he has it to tear Sokka to pieces with everything to do with Azula. I mean, a part of me thinks she should be able to fight back more effectively, but it's his fault in the end, right? What she did in Yu Dao… it couldn't have been her idea, could it? She was deployed there. The Fire Lord sent her, and it was a trap! He just… wanted her to keep Sokka focused on her. He's using her as a shield for himself, right? So that Sokka loses his center just as he has… so that he walks away from this war when we're barely a few battles away from winning it! That's it, damn it, I know it is, and…!"
"You're right."
Katara froze. She felt the blood slowing in her body as she turned on her heels to find Sokka standing by the threshold of the Palace gates: the frigid glare he offered them, she knew, was not intended for any of them. Even if he had spoken to them, her brother's mind was elsewhere…
And the fierceness of that expression, the darkness that crossed his features, daunted all three benders far more than any of them anticipated possible.
"Sokka…" Aang said, unsure of how to approach him after his outburst earlier. "Sokka, I'm sorry. Y-you can take some more time to think about what you want to do, if you want, but…"
"I don't need more time," Sokka said, stepping forward, brow heavily furrowed. "Jeong Jeong had the right idea. He's a piece of shit and I'd love to break his fucking nose if I see him again… because I know what he's doing. I know what game he's playing, and it's the same politically guided bullshit it ever was. He sees me as a pawn and I refuse to buck over and bend to his every fucking whim. But… he's not wrong about what we need to do next."
"What does that mean?" Katara said, eyeing him warily. "Sokka, you might not be in your right mind right now to make any decisions. I mean, I'm not, and it's not something as personal for me as it is for you…"
"I won't be in the right mind to make a decision until…" Sokka said… and then he left that sentence hanging there, unfinished. Just as his hopes of reclaiming his relationship with Azula fully, as soon as they met again, now hung in suspense he couldn't quite unravel right now. "There's no way my mind will clear up any further. I'll wake up tomorrow feeling as disgusted with myself as I do right now. As outraged with everything… as disturbed, distraught and outraged at her."
"Sokka…" Zuko frowned: it was strange to hear him speak so harshly about Azula, but it wasn't too surprising, considering the contents of the letter. Sokka breathed deeply, closing his eyes.
"I've… spoken with her again. I think. I don't fucking know. Maybe I just… lost my mind and imagined that was exactly what she'd say. Beats me, at this point," Sokka snarled. "Went to the Oasis, held her necklace, and… I may have found her soul somehow. She did it. It was her, and she's fighting alongside Ozai, and she'll keep doing it to defend… to defend her people."
"T-then all we have to do is convince her that we won't hurt them!" Aang said. "If we make it clear to her that we won't kill anyone…"
"That's not going to work out anymore," Sokka said, his voice frayed. "She's got too many people to save, too many to protect… and that means she can't do what's right, apparently. She can't join us until everyone is safe. And what's worse is… I get it, actually. I do. If I were in her place…? I might just make the exact same choice she's making! Therefore… it's up to me to ensure that she doesn't have to make that choice anymore."
"What do you mean by that?" Zuko said. "Sokka… are you saying you'll protect everyone? Or are you saying you'll just give up and…?"
"I'm saying I'm done with this bullshit," Sokka snarled. "I'm done with this war. I'm sick and tired of fighting and fighting and feeling like I'm making no progress. Of trying to save someone who refuses to be saved! Of trying to do the right thing only to feel like I'm making mistake on top of mistake, of feeling like this thankless, pointless role I've taken up is only going to get me killed well before I can achieve anything that matters! And I… I won't have it, alright? I won't. My patience's run dry. I know it's risky. I know I shouldn't do this. I know it's… it's possible it will fail and backfire. So, you three? You'll see to it that it doesn't. You'll stand with me… you'll fight beside me. And you'll finish this war with me."
"What? You mean, right now?" Aang asked, eyes wide. Sokka glowered, fists tight.
"I mean… we'll ask Arnook to assign his forces to his available ships already. We'll converge with the rest of our forces in the Slate. And from there, we'll strike at the heart of the Fire Nation."
"Wait, what?!" Katara gasped. Zuko frowned.
"But… wait, is Azula in the Fire Nation? I thought she'd be…"
"In Yu Dao."
All three benders remained silent now: Sokka would not allow anyone to contest his decision… but they failed to understand it, even if they could understand that.
"W-wait. You mean to… go past her?" Katara asked. "Sokka? You just want to overlook Yu Dao, move on to the Fire Nation and…?"
"If we move fast enough, even if Ozai were to call her back, our forces would be in motion already. She wouldn't arrive on time to join him, to save him from me," Sokka hissed. Katara's eyes widened. "If he doesn't see it coming, if she doesn't either, then they won't know where we'll strike next. If she expects me to come after her in Yu Dao, and she might just, if that vision wasn't a delusion… then she'll wait in the city, unaware of the moment when I'll slit her father's throat."
Zuko balked: Sokka had never spoken quite so bluntly, quite so clearly, about killing Ozai himself. As far as he understood, Sokka had even promised to Ursa that he wouldn't kill Ozai unless he really had to…
Did he think he'd have to? Did he think that was the only way to truly save Azula?
"Sokka… are you sure of that?" Zuko asked, frowning. "I'll stand by you if you are, but… are you sure you want to go for my father right away?"
"She's a great shield for him… but only when he can put her between himself and me," Sokka declared, firmly. "And he won't get away with doing that if I get there first. Basic physics: I'll move too fast for her to intercept me. See?"
"That's… probably the right idea," Aang said, uneasy. "But… what's going to happen later? If you defeat Ozai, t-then…"
"Can she forgive me for it? Would she forgive me for it?" Sokka said, with a dismissive scoff. "I have no fucking clue. I don't know… anything anymore. I've been clinging hopelessly to the belief that she would choose the right thing instead of standing by her nightmare of a father, and she took that faith and burned it in front of my eyes, just like that. She'll be safe in Yu Dao. I'll call our forces to attack the Fire Nation now, to mount our invasion, and we'll do what needs to be done. After that… maybe I'll pay her a visit at last. And then I'm sure we'll give each other hell to pay for everything we've done… but that's something I'd much rather put out of my mind for now. All I really need, right now… is for us to get ready. I want that messenger to go to Ba Sing Se and tell them to convey my orders everywhere. We're moving out. The end of this war is right around the corner. It's been long overdue… and I refuse to hold back anything just to make sure her feelings won't be hurt once her piece of shit of a father gets the death he deserves."
Zuko snarled. Sokka scowled before the Prince raised a hand.
"Don't get mad at me when I say this…" Zuko said, and Sokka glared at him, disturbed by that opening line already. "But I should be the one to do it."
"What?" Sokka scoffed. Zuko swallowed hard.
"Let me do it, Sokka: let me kill my father."
Aang and Katara couldn't have felt more out of place in a conversation as grim and dark as this one. Zuko spoke with unexpected clarity, with a heart far less muddled than Sokka's… while the Gladiator stared at him as though he had a leave of his senses. Zuko gritted his teeth.
"I'm not against his death. I could never be. What he's done to this world can't be forgiven… what he's done to his own family can't be, either," Zuko said. "But… I want to be the one to do it."
"Why?" Sokka snarled. "I know you have reasons to want him dead, Zuko, but…"
"You'll understand one day, maybe. Not right now. I can't explain right now," Zuko said, fists tight. "Let's just say… it feels like it's my destiny to end him."
"It's your destiny to kill your own father?" Aang asked. Zuko eyed him skeptically.
"The kind of father we're talking about here is one that earns sufficient hatred to convince all his family, and all four nations, really, to want him dead," Zuko said. "I'm not talking about a dad like Hakoda, or like Arnook, or like my uncle, even: my father is the cause, the source of this madness. Without him, the Fire Nation's military effort will crumble. They'll lose their center long enough to be defeated. He needs to go, Aang. I'm not asking you to do it, I'm not asking you to like it, I'm just asking you, and Sokka, to not stand in my way as I finish him off."
Sokka snarled… but he lowered his head. That wasn't what he had expected Zuko to request. Even so… Azula was his true priority. If Zuko wanted a big triumph, he could very well take that one. Provided Ozai was dead in the end… Sokka would be satisfied. Perhaps he'd take it upon his hands to hack away at Ozai's corpse once he was already dead, or tear down his every possession, set his room on fire… he'd find catharsis over the bastard's death, one way or another. His bloodlust would be sated eventually.
His heart's agony, on the other hand, would continue to grow and worsen, unless Azula's next choices were any less disturbing than the last had been.
She mattered more. Revenge on Ozai had always been a secondary matter compared to Azula's safety.
"Fine," Sokka said, startling Zuko. Aang and Katara glanced at him in surprise as well. "He's yours. I'll let you deal the final blow."
"Good, then," Zuko sighed, nodding in relief.
If Azula continued to follow Ozai, whether out of conviction, fear, loyalty or not knowing any way out, their father's death would anguish her just as much as Sokka's might have. Zuko would not grieve for the bastard once he exhaled his last breath… but Azula would.
And she would never forgive her true husband if he were the one to wield the blade that cut across Ozai's neck, or sank into his heart.
She wouldn't forgive Zuko if he did it, either… but he could live with that. He could endure her resentment, her hatred… he could carry it with him and know he had spared her from resenting the one man who had loved her with utmost devotion. The man who saw red right now, outraged by what he no doubt saw as her betrayals against everything their love had ever stood for…
All hopes that their relationship would survive hinged on ensuring that neither she nor Sokka committed more terrible choices that would render them genuinely unforgivable for each other. This way, he would block Sokka from making one of them. Whatever his reasons to accept Zuko's demand, he had accepted it indeed… and that was enough for now.
"Then… then we're leaving soon," Katara said, frowning. Aang winced.
"Kino won't be too happy to hear that," he mumbled. Katara nodded.
"It was going to happen eventually. He'll be able to come back to her after it's over, I… I hope," Katara said. "But we're going to the Fire Nation, then. We're…"
"We're ending this war," Sokka said again: his voice didn't sound triumphant as he said those words… instead, he sounded defeated. Exhausted. Overwhelmed.
His only solace, the only thread of hope to which he clung had suddenly faded from his horizon. Every belief that there would be a brighter future ahead for him beyond the end of the war had tumbled and fallen to pieces now. All he could do to fight for said future was to forego Yu Dao for the time being… so that, once he finally reached that city after the war's end, he would confront Azula. However long it took, however hard it might be, they would decide how to move forward… if they could move forward, to begin with.
How could he love someone so fiercely, and resent her quite as strongly as he did right now? The knife she had stabbed into his back hurt more painfully than the cut Rhone had left across it… he should have enough experience at being betrayed by the people who were dearest to him. He should have learned better than to believe blindly in someone, after everything Rhone had been capable of…
Azula's moribund body in his arms, the corruption consuming her.
Azula's screams from the sponsors' balcony, as he stood moments away from his death in the inferno he meant to unleash in the Royal Dome.
Azula's tearful face as that ship sped away from the South Pole, pulling them apart…
It hadn't been forever, in the end. It wouldn't be. Once Ozai was out of the way, Azula would have no one to answer to. Once the Fire Nation lost its leader, Sokka would face her anew… and he would give her the choices she kept claiming had been denied to her. He would offer her every choice she might have wanted to hear… and then it'd be up to her to determine what her next move would be.
But even if she wanted nothing more to do with him, even if she never forgave him, this world would be free. This war would end. The Fire Lord's life would be extinguished. Sokka would never compromise any of these facts… for he intended to make Ozai pay for everything he had dared do. For making him lose his center… for taking away the woman he loved, for that was how this felt. She was slipping out of his reach because of him… but he would catch her again. He would see her again.
Whatever happened by then, he'd worry about it later: for now, he gathered his courage and his certainties. He would spread the messages to the rest of his troops, in Ba Sing Se, in Gaoling, in Omashu, in the central Earth Kingdom…
In a few weeks' time, the Gladiator Army would move out to strike at the heart of the Fire Nation.