Gladiator

by Seyary-Minamoto

In a world where the Avatar wasn't found, the Fire Nation took over two nations and they strive to overcome the last one. Water Tribe warrior Sokka seeks to fight for his people's rights, but he's captured by his enemies. His life is no longer in his hands as he fights as a Gladiator, and his fate will eventually depend on the Fire Nation Princess, who needs him for her own ends...

332. Chapter 332: Unwilling enemies 2

Unwilling enemies

2

Those golden eyes proved to be a marvelous mystery. They took in everything in sight, but sometimes they would fixate upon a specific object, and the curiosity in them would remain an enigma for everyone around her…

She lay on her tummy, on that large bed. Her little head was turned to the side, and her eyes were locked onto her mother's, who had stretched across the bed, staring right back at her.

"I can't help but wonder what on earth you're thinking about," Azula said, with a slight smile.

Hotaru, of course, couldn't answer the question: a soft whimper, and an aimless movement of her hand, falling again upon the bedding, were as difficult to interpret as most things about the child were. Until she wept, which she surprisingly didn't do quite as often as Azula had expected her to, the baby would simply mystify her doting mother, whose hand trailed gently over her back, caressing the child that nestled beside her.

The first month had gone by in a blur. Her daughter was growing quite fast, as far as Azula was concerned: she seemed more aware of her surroundings, of the world she had been born into, with every passing day. Her eyes continued to be as gold as they ever had been, and her hair was dark, much like Azula's… and her skin tone resembled her father's far more than it did Azula's.

She was restless in amusing ways – she took to waving her legs and arms at times, as if she were testing the boundaries of motion now that she wasn't constrained by the limitations of her mother's womb. There was so much life, so much innocence in that small girl… and Azula couldn't help but be intrigued by her, far more deeply than she ever anticipated she would be.

"Are all babies like this?" she asked, absentmindedly – her hand reached her daughter's hand, and she smiled when Hotaru caught one of her fingers in her hand. "Hmm? Need something, do you? You just ate, though…"

"Considering who her father is, I wouldn't be surprised if she's hungry again," Song commented, sitting by Azula's desk, a book about childcare in her hands.

Azula chuckled, supporting her head with a hand, her elbow on the mattress. Hotaru now appeared to be intrigued by her mother's fingers, letting go of one to take the next one right away. Upon reaching her thumb, for some mysterious reason, a chortle left her lips.

"Oh? What's so funny about my thumb?" Azula chuckled, and Hotaru laughed again, as if to respond to Azula's laughter the same way. "You laugh a lot when you grab it, I've noticed… is it really round, compared to the others? Do you think round things are funny? Is that some sort of baby humor I'm no longer privy to, old and wizened as I am?"

Hotaru stuck her tongue out for a moment, and she wiggled her feet. Azula laughed again before desisting on her latest venture: try as though she might, simply setting down her daughter rather than holding her constantly didn't seem to be possible, not when she felt the unbearable urge to hug her for the simplest of reasons.

"I ask if all babies are like you…" Azula said, picking up Hotaru and sitting upright against the pillows. The baby nestled against her chest, letting out happy sounds upon being in her arms anew. "But I probably should be asking if all mothers are as utterly hopeless as I am. You sneeze and I think it's the cutest thing I've ever seen. You take a dump and I somehow find it adorable. My father was right to say parenthood was going to mess with my perception of things, wasn't he…?"

"I do think it's fairly common for mothers to be like this, yes," Song said, smiling at her from over her shoulder. "So I'm afraid this is a natural stage of the process. You're a little overwhelmed with affection for your little firefly."

"I suppose so," Azula said, smiling warmly at Hotaru. The baby let out a cheerful sound before propping her head to her chest. "Uh… huh. Are you looking to…? Yeah, I guess you really are your father's child."

Song laughed as Azula shook her head, sitting upright and allowing her daughter to take a second meal. She hadn't quite imagined that she would adapt to nursing her quite so quickly, but she had done it so often over the past month that the once-foreign notion now seemed completely instinctive these days, both for her and for her daughter. Her body, too, appeared to be producing more than enough nourishment for Hotaru, and Azula was perfectly willing to offer it whenever she required it. One day her daughter would be old enough to eat with chopsticks, to choose a favorite meal… but in order to help her reach that point in time, she had to ensure to provide her with all the energy and strength she could possibly grant her, whether through breastfeeding, cleaning her up or providing her with the perfect environment in which to rest calmly whenever the drowsiness arrived.

It was strange to look forward to the future just as much as she hoped for moments like these to last forever. She wanted to hold this child in her arms this way, for as long as possible… but she couldn't wait to see what kind of person Hotaru would grow up to become, too. Perhaps she'd develop a more ruthless character, like her own… perhaps she would be a jokester, like her father. And just so, there was a chance that she might not be like either of them… that she would simply be herself, freely and joyfully experiencing life in whatever ways she chose to.

She hadn't quite expected to know what she was doing upon becoming the mother of a newborn – she had always known that taking care of Rei, who had been mere months away from being of age, would have never been as demanding as looking after Hotaru –, and Song's guidance certainly had helped her find her bearings more often than not. But as terrified as she had been before, it was difficult to still feel so scared whenever Hotaru's large eyes glanced up into hers. The affection that surged within her never ceased to surprise her – her daughter seemed to awaken feelings and emotions within her heart that she had never known would be possible, having never even imagined that she'd experience a bond like this one.

"Found out anything interesting so far?" Azula asked Song, while still holding Hotaru to her chest.

"Hmm… that from the looks of it, you'll have to wait around a year, maybe less if you're lucky, to learn more about what's on Hotaru's mind, if you're so intrigued," Song said, with a weak grin. "Seems like that's around the time when babies start talking. Could happen sooner, of course… but don't be too upset if it doesn't."

"Oh, I won't be," Azula said, smiling at Hotaru. "She'll talk when she decides we're worthy of learning more about the workings of her clever mind…"

"That's one way to look at it," Song laughed, glancing back at the mother and child with a gentle grin. "As much as I know you're bound to disagree… motherhood does suit you a lot better than you ever thought it would."

"Does it, now?" Azula asked. "I don't know about that. It's probably just because I got lucky to have a good daughter. If she were the non-stop screaming and crying type, I would have already proven otherwise…"

"I suspect no child of yours would ever be the screaming and crying type, simply because you're constantly watching over them and giving them very little reason to cry at all," Song concluded. Azula chuckled and shook her head. "Either way, she's also supposed to start walking around that time… you should be careful about helping her exercise, too. Even something that sounds as simple as turning herself over in bed is a big milestone for a baby…"

"I feel like everything is," Azula whispered. "Mundanity suddenly becomes extraordinary when you have a child."

Song smiled and nodded, watching as Hotaru shifted in her mother's arms – it seemed she was full now, something that didn't take too long to happen, in general. Azula smiled kindly at her, brushing her light, thin hair gently with her thumb… then the child jolted slightly. Azula raised her eyebrows, placing a hand on Hotaru's chest.

"Did you eat too fast?" she asked. "Was that a…?"

It happened again, and Azula couldn't help but laugh at Hotaru's apparent confusion over her body's involuntary reactions too: the baby certainly couldn't be blamed for the strangeness to be found in developing a case of hiccups for the very first time in her life.

"I can't handle this. Even if she's just hiccupping, she's impossibly cute," Azula sighed, settling Hotaru on one arm as she rearranged her outfit as best she could. In that process, Hotaru managed to hiccup around three more times, and she looked around herself in utmost perplexity, as though believing someone else, somehow, was responsible for her strange bodily reaction.

Azula's soothing rocking didn't really chase away the hiccups, but it succeeded at distracting Hotaru: bouncing lightly in her mother's arms, Hotaru laughed and waved her hands out aimlessly, wiggling her feet as well while Azula held her warmly, pressing kisses to the top of her head.

"Babies were not adorable until you were born, yes. You should be very proud of how you've changed the world within a single month of being part of it, Hotaru," Azula sighed dramatically, hugging the baby closely and rubbing her back gently – her daughter continued to hiccup softly, but she hardly seemed bothered by it anymore, fully entertained in her mother's embrace.

That single month had gone by peacefully, even if Azula dreaded that nothing would be quite so easygoing and simple outside the presumed safety of her room. Thus far, Hotaru had been kept safely out of her father's reach, whether he meant her harm or not, and only Azula's closest friends had seen her directly – even Renkai, whom Azula would allow to see her daughter if he wished to, had seemingly decided to respect all boundaries and keep his distance from them, unwilling to confirm with his own eyes that the child was, naturally, not Zhao's. If any servants had tried to enter the room or take a look at Hotaru, Renkai and the guard with him by the door had turned them away successfully thus far.

Azula hadn't left the room at all as she recovered from the strain of giving birth. Her body had slowly regained a physique closer to the one she had long maintained across her teenage and adult years, if not as fit, only for the Princess to realize then that she had grown quite used to the volume of her pregnancy belly, and its absence seemed to feel off… though all her complicated feelings on the matter would dwindle into nothingness once she set eyes upon the product of such a long and complicated period of her life. Yet the hardships seemed so inconsequential as of late… a single smile from Hotaru served to convince her that everything she'd done, every effort she had put into fighting to bring her to life, had been worth it.

Such was the strange sense of normalcy of that last month that Mai and Ty Lee had been able to visit again a few times, without facing any trouble for it. Today, however, it was Rei who had gone out to see them: Azula's older daughter had been determined to make sure her younger sister would have everything she'd need to get by in the coming months, and when clothes started to look a little small for the baby, she had decided she'd go out to find more garments, larger ones that could easily be adjusted to the baby as she grew over time, unlike the initial clothing choices they'd picked for her.

Thus, Rei had gone shopping with Mai and Ty Lee on that morning, leaving Azula to wait patiently for her return with Song and Hotaru. It was a peaceful day, one more following a month of similar tranquility, where the main disturbance would be caused by Hotaru's crying, if she wept at all. As of late, she seemed to have realized that simply being restless and making noise could suffice to get the attention she required, if she needed any at all… just more reasons for Azula to believe her daughter had a gifted mind, or perhaps she was simply well-natured in essence, innocent and happy to be part of their world, so much so that even the confusing surprises she was experiencing for the first time wouldn't distress her terribly.

Sitting calmly on the bed, Azula wondered if she should simply doze off with her daughter in her arms. The baby seemed moments away from starting to nap, too, and everyone had advised her to make the most of every opportunity to catch up on rest. Hotaru's sleeping schedule was as chaotic as expected, and Azula had even been awake three hours before dawn on that day, reassuring her daughter calmly by rubbing her back with a hand while Hotaru appeared keen and eager to explore their world, at a most unreasonable hour.

But she wasn't doing anything of the sort right now – the hiccups appeared to subside, no longer hitting her quite so potently, and she seemed to be drifting off to another nap…

Azula would have joined her in it, if it weren't for the sudden knock on the bedroom's door.

The spell of peace and quiet Azula had been ready to indulge in came to an abrupt end.

Song reared up quickly too, and Azula frowned as she sat upright, glancing in her direction. At this point, their routine was practiced to perfection: Azula climbed off the bed with Hotaru in her arms, and she handed her daughter over to Song, who then marched into the bathroom, hiding with the child within it until Azula confirmed that whatever was at the door wouldn't be a hazard.

So far, nothing had been – and that hadn't stopped them from being cautious, regardless. It could very well be Rei, who might not have had enough money for the shopping trip, or even a meal, perhaps it was already lunchtime… but whatever it was, Azula would only confront it once Hotaru was hidden away from any prying eyes.

Song nodded promptly at Azula as she collected the drowsy and now confused Hotaru in her arms. She spoke reassuringly to her as she walked to the bathroom, and Azula waited until they were safely inside, with the door properly closed, before stepping forward to answer whoever had been knocking.

She breathed deeply, then she pulled the door open. She wasn't surprised to see Renkai on the other side… but the tension of his shoulders didn't bode well.

"Princess," he said, respectfully. "The Fire Lord has requested that you visit him, should you feel up for it."

Her stomach sank. What a mighty urge she felt to say no… to say she didn't, to say she wanted nothing to do with whatever Ozai needed of her. She couldn't even school her face into neutrality this time, as a dreadful shiver coursed through her body.

A thought seemed to knock on her mind's door too… as a persistent, repetitive battering ram might. A thought she didn't want to acknowledge, but it returned to strike at her with more violence each time as she continued to reject it…

Refusal would mean consequences. The child she sought to protect would be the first to face them, along with her dragon.

This was it. The moment she had dreaded had arrived.

Her false freedom had been rescinded.

"I… I will ready myself, then," she said. Renkai nodded before bowing towards her. "I'll be there shortly."

The guard closed the door again, and Azula's chest seemed to hollow out over the perspective of what she would soon face. She shivered and covered her face with her hands, breathing deeply as best she could while her wretched fears fastened a knot over her throat, one that seemed poised to suffocate her even before she reached Ozai's doorstep.

Song would be safe. She would keep Hotaru safe. The bathroom wouldn't suffice for it, though.

Azula marched to the bathroom door, knocking lightly before pushing it open. Song was within, rocking a confused Hotaru, and the two of them glanced at Azula as soon as she showed up.

"Who was it?" Song asked – her tone wasn't urgent, for she, naturally, expected this to be an innocuous matter, like many they had faced throughout the past month… until she read Azula's expression properly. "Wait… Azula?"

"The month is… it's up, isn't it?" Azula said, with a tight, fake grin. "My father's summoned me."

Song's lips parted. A soft denial spilled from her lips as Azula stepped forward, collecting Hotaru and pressing her to her chest.

"Y-you… you said you're still recovering, right?" Song said. "I mean, yeah, you could make the walk to his study, but surely we can argue that…"

"I… said I'd be there," Azula said, breathing deeply and glancing at Song with unease. "You and Hotaru will hide safely underground until I come back. Alright?"

"I… what?" Song gasped, eyes widening. "Azula, that's not… you can't go see him. You know what he's going to do, what he's going to expect of you…"

"And you know what's going to happen if I refuse. Especially if I refuse too many times," Azula said, her grip around Hotaru tightening. "You know I've done everything I have for the past months to ensure that Hotaru could survive… this is yet another thing I have to do to that end, Song. I… I don't want to, any more than you want me to, but…"

"The tunnels… how do we know Hotaru will be comfortable there?" Song asked, shaking her head.

"Take her cradle," Azula suggested, walking towards the smallest basket where Hotaru nestled on occasion, namely when Azula's meals arrived and the baby was too awake to be kept resting in her larger cribs. "Take it with you, rock her to sleep, soothe her as best you can. If you want, I can try to soothe her already myself…"

"If she so much as starts crying, and anyone thinks to look into it…" Song said, shaking her head. Azula breathed deeply.

"That's why I'm asking you to see to it that she falls asleep," she said. "It's… it's bound to be safer. I don't know how long this will take… I hope not too long. But even if that's the case…"

"He's going to… Azula, we should just run. We should just go, now, and…"

"You know why we can't," Azula said, and Song winced as she covered her mouth with a hand. "You know we won't get far even if we try, not even if we go through the tunnels. I… I'll handle him as best I can, alright? I've done it before… a lot of times, as of late. Even more times, in the past. I don't know if his latest kindness has been a façade, but I will try to keep him as calm as he has been lately. If I succeed… then we may have a little more time still to figure out a way to break Xin Long free. But for now…"

Song gritted her teeth before sighing and nodding. She marched towards the baby's basket, set by Azula's bed, and the Princess sighed in relief at her friend's compliance. Hotaru, though, remained as perplexed as she had been before – she hardly looked drowsy anymore, no doubt affected by the change of the atmosphere now that Azula and Song were as tense as they could be.

"Hey… hey now, don't look at me like that," Azula said, with what she hoped would be a reassuring grin. "No need to be so scared. You're going to be with Aunt Song for a little bit, alright? She'll look after you, and I'll be back very soon. Make sure not to start walking or talking until I come back, though… I don't want to miss it, okay?"

As ever, Hotaru remained clueless over her mother's words, and Azula laughed softly before kissing her brow – as dreaded as the circumstances might be, the child truly represented the purest light in this dark Palace.

"I love you. Wait quietly and don't cause Song much trouble, okay?" Azula whispered, pressing more kisses upon her forehead as Song returned, basket in one hand, an unlit lamp in another one.

"I'll carry her down in it… I'll just hold her after we're in there, I suppose," Song sighed, shaking her head. "Might be she'll be the one comforting me, though. Azula, just… don't do anything you'll regret."

"I wish I could promise that," Azula whispered. Song winced at her sincerity. "I… I don't know what awaits me now. I just know I'll do everything I can to protect all of you. That's all I can do anymore."

Song sighed before setting down the basket and lamp: she moved in for a hug, careful not to crush Hotaru, but still tight enough to convey how deeply she needed Azula to return safely.

"We… we'll wait. Hotaru and I… we'll wait quietly in there. Just… make sure not to take too long, okay?"

"If it were up to me, I wouldn't even leave in the first place," Azula sighed, pulling back before helping Song take Hotaru into her arms once more.

She wasn't ready to go just yet, though: a visit to her closet helped her assemble a decent outfit she changed into quickly. Then, another quick attempt to placate the hair she had been notoriously careless with over the past month, so distracted with Hotaru as of late that the very thought of worrying over it had simply faded from her mind.

A glance in the mirror revealed a different woman today than the one who had last bothered looking in that mirror. Than the young one who had first looked in it, upon being assigned this room once her father became Fire Lord. Than the fierce one who had been ready to fight at all costs for the acknowledgement she had never obtained… than the reckless one who had indulged in far too many escapades with the man she loved, one of them in this very room that had been terribly risky. That very same woman had nearly crumbled, mere weeks later, upon fearing she'd lose him forever…

And now she seemingly had. She still carried him with her everywhere she might go, with their souls as entwined as they ever had been… but she had lost everything, for a time. She had been broken, torn down from the sky when she had been soaring as high as she could rise… and now this was all that was left. A woman who recognized her features in that mirror, who found her body had indeed changed in many ways, who could only hope there was more gracefulness in her countenance and demeanor than she could find in herself. Right now, she simply felt dejected, tired… defeated, perhaps. The spark of life that had burned brightly in her eyes had long faded from view, leaving her to only find it without her awareness, whenever others helped her forget herself and her woes.

No one would help her reclaim it now, though. Not when the Fire Lord was summoning her.

Song sat by the foot of the bed with the newly drowsy Hotaru in her arms. Azula stepped forward to the trapdoor under the new, still blank rug – whatever plans Song had for it, they'd have to fulfill them in the future. The Princess reeled it back, and with a punch, her blue flames unlocked the secret passageway under her room. To this moment, the sight of blue fire tickled her with familiarity, with a strange manner of comfort… she rejoiced in that glimpse of them even if she knew the circumstances were far from ideal.

"Okay… stay hidden inside. I'll come back and knock, same way as after the war meeting," Azula told her. "If anyone tries to open the trapdoor without doing that, take Hotaru and just… run? The tunnels are quite large, you should be able to shake off any pursuit if you do…"

"And after the threat is gone, I'll come back for you and Rei," Song said, frowning. "And Rei… she should be back soon, shouldn't she?"

"Beats me how long the shopping outing might take," Azula said, with a grimace. "Let's hope she'll return once we're both here. But for now…"

Song sighed and nodded: Azula helped her by setting the lantern and basket inside the tunnel, and she offered her friend another hug before sending her underground.

"I'll be back soon," she said. Song breathed tensely and nodded.

"I hope so," she responded, holding Hotaru up for her mother to speak to, next.

Azula smiled sadly at her child: Hotaru blinked groggily, happily sated after her last meal, ever failing to understand the complicated circumstances in which she had been brought to life. One day, perhaps, she'd know about everything her mother had to do to save her, to keep her alive… but she was only a baby for now, and Azula pressed a gentle kiss to her brow.

"Be good to Aunt Song, okay? Sleep and relax… and I'll be right back with you shortly. I love you."

Her voice seemed frayed as she spoke the words – as much as Ozai's behavior had changed recently, Azula wasn't as wishful as to believe he couldn't turn violent and cruel again if he saw fit to do so. Even when this wasn't bound to be a lethal encounter, a part of her never failed to warn her that it could be. That with the blink of an eye, her father could change from a stoic man, listening to reason, to a completely irrational embodiment of relentless rage, burning everything in his path as he sought some manner of misplaced catharsis.

She held Song's gaze as she closed the trapdoor. A light wave, a silent wish for each other's safety… and then Song was underground, hidden with Hotaru, while Azula rose to her feet, trying to hold back her body's reactions as she marched to the door.

Renkai didn't accompany her to Ozai's study, for his fellow guard did. Azula was grateful for it, fearful that the other guard might have chosen to inspect her room if he had found himself alone for long. Renkai didn't need to ask what Azula needed of him: he had ensured to stay behind, and with him in place, Song and Hotaru would be better defended if anything nefarious were to happen.

Her feet weighed like lead as she approached her father's study in silence. An urge to turn around and run away again nearly overcame her… but the thought of what Ozai would do if she acted out ensured that she would keep going. Her breath caught as she stopped by the door… then, the guard standing outside it stepped into the study to announce her arrival. She closed her eyes, stilling herself with deep breaths, before entering the room as was expected of her.

Ozai dismissed the guard. Azula instinctively dared resonate – she wasn't surprised when she sensed the dark, foreboding presence of corrupt fire, right by a corner of the room. She glanced towards him somewhat boldly, but she said nothing as she stopped right before Ozai's desk, bowing her torso forward in reverent respect.

"Azula," Ozai spoke. He didn't rise to his feet respectfully this time, and his gaze certainly studied her intently. "I'm pleased that you could answer my summons. Lady Wen has assured me that you've been recovering, but confirming as much personally makes it easier to believe her words."

Azula smiled tensely as she nodded in his direction. Ozai breathed deeply, extending a hand towards one of the two available chairs across him.

"Do sit, if you would," he said.

"Of course," Azula whispered, following his command. "I… I'm grateful for your concern, Father. My recovery has been successful so far."

"Good," Ozai said, once Azula was sitting as comfortably as could be upon that chair, though true comfort was unattainable as long as she sat near her father, with his morbid assassin nearby. "The child? Has she improved? Preterm children are quite delicate, as far as I've heard…"

"She's had a few complicated days, but… we're making positive progress so far. I can't say for certain if she's completely out of danger yet…" Azula said, trying not to tense up as she lied boldly to her father once more. "But Lady Wen has assured me that she will keep a close watch on Hotaru to ensure that she heals and grows safely."

"As she should. That midwife is surprisingly capable, I'll say. Perhaps more than her aunts were," Ozai said, offhandedly. "At any rate… I'll extend my personal congratulations now on a successful delivery. Your pregnancy certainly wasn't the smoothest, I would presume the child's early birth happened because of that reason… but that you and the child survived the ordeal is a good sign. That you can sit here now is also a good sign, goes without saying…"

"Indeed," Azula said – she didn't want to come off as too wary as they spoke… but her father hadn't summoned her just for chit-chat. He had a purpose in doing so, and while she evidently appreciated finding him still as compliant and permissive with her as he had been over the last months, she kept waiting for warning signs to make an appearance at any moment... and naturally, they did.

"And because you have made it this far without issue, I…" Ozai said, breathing deeply before finally making up his mind to speak directly. "I fear I must share that the situation the Fire Nation is facing is not promising."

Even if she didn't want to show any weaknesses, not to her father, Azula couldn't help but do so right now. Her gut clenched, her shoulders tensed, and she eyed him warily, no matter how hard she tried to suppress her reactions.

"Your advice was helpful," Ozai said. Azula's stomach twisted unto itself, as good as tormenting her upon hearing those dreaded words. "But I'm afraid I… I need more of it."

"More?" Azula repeated, frowning.

"I… need your counsel. Your advice. Your gifted mind," Ozai said, closing his eyes, his voice contrite, his semblance remorseful.

All of which nearly saw Azula throwing up on her father's desk out of the jumbled, confused emotions that emerged inside her.

He needed her now, did he? Naturally… for no one knew his enemy as well as she did. He humbled himself before her now, he honeyed her by treating her with respect and kindness… both of which were as conditioned now as they were in the past: he needed her to be a perfect tool, the means to an end, the solution to the predicament his impulsive, destructive choices had landed them on.

He wanted her to help him defeat Sokka.

A visceral fury bloomed inside her. A mad, wild urge to stand up, to spit on his face, to yell at him and show she was no longer afraid… that she no longer believed in him, that she no longer meant to do his bidding. That she would never again make the choices she had on that damnable war meeting, that she would stand by Sokka's side when he finally arrived and together… together, they would defeat him. Together, they would avenge themselves from every horrific nightmare and punishment he had inflicted upon them…

But all that fury was meaningless. All her rightful anger at being a pawn in her father's designs was useless, in the end… for she had made a choice to come back to the Fire Nation when she shouldn't have. She had meant to shield her nation from her father's worst, to protect them as best she could… only to wind up helpless once she mindlessly underestimated the man sitting across her now. Or perhaps she had simply overestimated herself, instead?

Ozai had hostages to this day. He'd have them forever, for as long as he sat on that throne. Only on the day he was dethroned, on whatever capacity, would Azula be free…

She wasn't free now. She couldn't act on her rage. She couldn't allow a reckless thirst for revenge to control her. She couldn't simply stand up and speak her mind… for if she did, she'd doom everyone she loved. She'd doom her friends, her family… her daughters.

So she closed her eyes, breathing deeply and meeting Ozai's expectant gaze.

"What would you have me do?" she said, her voice grave and mournful. Ozai's brow drew together.

"I would have you make a choice, here and now," he said. "I… I understand there's a severe conflict of interests involved. Whatever I say or do anymore may be… it may be insufficient. The mistakes I've made when it comes to you could have convinced you by now that I… that you'd be better off if I were gone."

The words shot a sudden blast of vertigo through her body. A mad, impulsive reaction deep in her soul reared its head, ready to reject that possibility… even if, on a rational level, it was what she should want. It was, so why would she feel a stupid, mindless, overwhelming need to protect her father, to reassure him that she could never want that for him…?

She was pathetic. She made no sense, she didn't understand her own damn heart anymore, treacherous and foolish as it was…

"That being said… it is not just me in danger," Ozai continued – he couldn't judge Azula's silences, couldn't hope to understand whatever was going through her head right now. "Numerous Fire Nation soldiers have been lost… civilians surely have been collateral damage to his conquest, too."

"There's really no telling what the kill count has been? On either side?" Azula asked, fist tightened over her lap. Ozai shook his head.

"There isn't. I'm afraid we cannot judge the situation properly, especially when the cities that have been struck are as distant as Omashu and Ba Sing Se happen to be," Ozai said, breathing deeply. "But no war has been won without bloodshed, and I do not believe the Gladiator has miraculously found ways to take over cities without incurring in massacres of our people. If he continues to march on, unopposed… the common folk will be the first to suffer the consequences."

"Not if your forces can prevent them from taking anything else," Azula said, feeling childish upon saying the words – as if Ozai's troops could possibly contest Sokka's, should all talk about his extraordinary allies prove true…

"That remains to be seen," Ozai admitted, shifting in his seat, frowning with discomfort. "Ultimately, Azula… as I said, what I meant to do was offer you a choice."

Her chest tightened: a choice. Her father's grand way to resolve all matters by cornering whoever he was dealing with. She had tried to break free numerous times, much like Sokka always seemed to when he had been here, when he had to face Ozai himself…

But if something had become abundantly, disturbingly clear over the past year, it was that she wasn't as strong as the man she loved, no matter if Sokka would refuse to accept that.

"What kind of choice?" Azula asked. Ozai breathed deeply.

"I cannot presume to understand my enemy any better than you could. I have underestimated him countless times and on every occasion he rears his head and comes back with an even greater vengeance than I could anticipate. He is relentless, dangerous, cunning and deadly. I suspect… he may have learned much of that from you."

"I… I doubt it," Azula said. Ozai's eyebrows twitched. "I'm sorry, I just… I only recognized his potential, but it was his own all along. It's… it's why I chose him to be my Gladiator. Though I… I never imagined it would come to this."

"None of us could have. A non-bender from the Southern Water Tribe, of all places," Ozai said, without restraining his disdain. "It feels like a joke. That the Hundred Year War our forefathers took such pride in could result in our defeat… because of him? It's difficult to fathom, and yet that appears to be the fate we're likely to face if I don't acknowledge the magnitude of the threat he poses to our war effort.

"Therefore… the choice I offer you is the following: aid me in these battles. Offer me your intellect, your wisdom… and I will reward you for it with restoration of your titles, with leadership in the battlefield, with anything you may request and require in order to fulfill this duty. Help me ensure the Fire Nation retains its integrity and doesn't collapse under the relentless tide of the enemy's forces… or don't. If you choose against aiding me, you'll be expected to stay in the Palace, raising and caring after your daughter while I handle the war effort however I must."

"And I would know nothing of the war or how it's unfolding if I chose the second alternative, would I?" Azula asked.

"You wouldn't need to know," Ozai said, curtly. Azula sighed and nodded. "If you have nothing to provide or if you are unwilling to do so… then I'm afraid the safest choice I can offer you, as well as myself, is this. Stay in your rooms, if you wish… involve yourself with none of it. I can very well find support elsewhere."

"Can you?" Azula asked – she seemed confused at that notion, and Ozai's stomach sank because of it. As distant as they were, she knew he would be alone without her. Now that so many people he relied on were gone… Azula was the only connection he had left. The only lasting one… the only heir he could still count on, regardless of their numerous mutual disappointments.

He couldn't find true help elsewhere. Otherwise, he would have chosen that over asking her, of all people, to salvage his precarious situation in a war that, merely a year ago, appeared to be only a few battles away from being fully won by his armies.

"Either way, the choice is yours," Ozai declared. "If I must say it outright… I intend to inflict no consequences upon you, should you decide not to aid me. Nevertheless…"

"I suppose you worry that I might… wish to collude with the enemy," Azula said closing her eyes. Ozai frowned. "You did call this a conflict of interests…"

"It might have been the wrong term. Perhaps it was the right one, however," Ozai said. "I'm starkly aware of who my foe is. I have not forgotten the road that has brought us here. I still remember all too clearly how you fought for him, to the point of willingly braving an inferno in order to reach him. You may tell me now that you no longer answer to him… but the woman who crumbled before me when I revealed the information I received pertaining his false death certainly appeared to remain latched to him. As damning as his latest choices in rebellion may be… I struggle to accept that you could well and truly turn your back on him."

Most of all, he couldn't fathom that she would do so in order to prioritize and privilege him. That she would choose him, her father, over the Gladiator, her lover… that seemed unlikely, as good as impossible. He didn't wish to say the words out loud, knowing her answer to his questions was bound to be one he'd want to reject…

She sat across him, eyes darkened, brow furrowed. Even though her hair had been composed to a fault, it seemed too disorderly for her former standards. Her luxurious clothes didn't match her humble expression and bearing, all of which seemed to imply an attempt to project the strength she felt herself lacking. She seemed graceful… much like her mother had been. How easy it was to see their resemblance as of late…

"Therefore… I do find myself fearing, yes, that you might turn against me in the end," Ozai said, unwilling to hold her gaze.

"Would I be here now, if that were my intent?"

Ozai frowned, raising his gaze towards his daughter. She shivered… she struggled to let the words out, tense and strained as she appeared to be.

"What do you mean?" Ozai said.

"I mean… I had a choice long ago. I could have stayed with him… he certainly tried to convince me to do so," Azula said, her heart tightening upon speaking such words to her father, of all people. Unsurprisingly, he seemed irate upon hearing that. "It was my choice to return to the Fire Nation. To return to you. Even back then… I never chose him over the Fire Nation."

Her conclusion froze over her father's fury. He frowned, lowering his head… processing Azula's latest statement. She had never chosen him over the Fire Nation? Simply by choosing to be with that man at all when she did, she had effectively done so…

But had she? He met her gaze, finding a remorseful, uncertain woman sitting across him. Had she truly been so gullible, so innocent as to believe that their love affair would change the Gladiator? That it would chase away his resentment towards the Fire Nation? Had she never indulged in thoughts of treason, of turning against her rightful ruler, her father…?

It seemed so unlikely, but there was no evidence to the opposite. He couldn't simply assume otherwise. He had no choice, especially now… for there would be no winning this war without her.

"I… I see," he said, placating his need to ask numerous questions regarding Azula's shocking statement. The way she'd worded it… it certainly didn't seem as though she lacked regrets when it came to the choices she'd made. Even then, however…

Even then, her loyalty still appeared to answer to him.

Ozai swallowed hard and nodded.

"Either way, the choice is yours. I… I make no demands. I simply expect that you'll understand that… that I need your aid. That the Fire Nation does."

He made no demands, of course… but even if he tried to phrase things so carefully, so cautiously, Azula's heart churned with awareness of the truth. Her father surely already understood who her child's father was… he could hold everything in her life for ransom, even if he wasn't openly hostile about it now. A single choice that displeased him, a single mistake on her part, any signs of rebellion, and he'd strike. She would never be safe around him… her children wouldn't be, either.

She had suspected she would be faced by this choice once her father summoned her again. It was, yet again, a test of her loyalty: any wrong steps and she'd pay for it tenfold. Even if that wasn't her father's deliberate intent, the truth was that any mood swings on his part could be catastrophic for what precarious balance he had tried to find between himself and his daughter. She couldn't take any greater risks than she already had…

Even when she knew that agreeing to cooperate with Ozai would entail consequences too painful to fathom.

She had betrayed Sokka once as it was. Marrying Zhao, no matter how coerced and forced she had been, amounted to betrayal. Joining forces with her father, even if just by advising him… could she advise him and sabotage his war effort in the process? Could she lead him astray… and cause the deaths of thousands of soldiers, perhaps, who knew if civilians too? As much as she wanted to trust Sokka, his choice in allies was anything but reassuring. Even if he did his best to keep the White Lotus from hurting or killing people without necessity, it was entirely likely that they'd refuse to heed his demands…

He had joined forces with Jeong Jeong and Iroh, people Azula had been determined not to forgive, ever. It almost felt equivalent for her to stand by her father's side… though it was worse, she knew, on many fronts. Iroh's madness, his dastardly choice to forsake all moderation in his intent to punish her, had caused no shortage of harm… but hadn't Ozai himself been the one who had committed the crimes personally? Where Jeong Jeong had attempted to murder Sokka, Ozai had retaliated by sending his killer to do away with countless White Lotus agents. Ozai was the leader of the Fire Nation, the current overlord of the war… he was everything Sokka had despised since his youth, and upon enduring so many of her father's crimes directly, his hatred for him had only increased.

Perhaps it wasn't equivalent at all… but forsaking her father was impossible. Not out of any true loyalty… but out of fear. He controlled everyone, everything, through fear… even her.

Her stomach churned painfully – a voice seemed to scream inside her, demanding she didn't do this. She couldn't be such a fool, she couldn't take such a risk… she had to understand how damning it would be to throw her lot in with her father. Not even Sokka could save her if she offered further aid to her father…

But hadn't she already done it? Hadn't she already condemned the Northern Water Tribe, and now she had no choice but to cling to Sokka's strength, to believe he would succeed at stopping her father, for she couldn't hope to put a stop to her father's violent conquest of the North Pole?

She had betrayed Sokka multiple times already. The chance to fight by his side was long gone by now. Perhaps it would have never paid off… perhaps, if she had stayed with him, her father's forces would have annihilated them along with Sokka's tribe, just as Azula had expected him to. By now, though… she had chosen to save herself, to protect her child, to do terrible things she never would have wanted to. Sokka might not find it unforgivable simply because he couldn't seem to have the sense to blame her for so many things that were her fault…

Would that be the case this time? Azula truly doubted it.

This time, in making this choice, she'd become his enemy once more, for the first time since their initial encounter in the South Pole.

She shuddered at the thought. She felt her entire being resist the notion – she believed in him. Her heart was with him. She agreed with what he was doing, on a fundamental level… for he had a chance to end this war. It had to end, a new world had to be born and he was the ideal person to begin that process…

But she couldn't join him.

She couldn't build that world with him.

However questionable some of his choices had been, it didn't change that he was right. That his determination and drive to end the war at all costs were not misplaced. But however that came about… her lot had been cast long before this conversation. She had chosen it upon deciding to protect the Fire Nation from her father's wrath… upon allowing him to use her nation as a hostage against her, which effectively had turned her into his hostage, too. She wasn't free to make any choices, never had been… for speaking her mind now would mean everything she had worked for, across the ten months of struggle she had faced, would go to waste.

Hotaru had to survive. Rei had to survive. Song had to survive.

As long as they did… whatever happened to her would be unimportant. Going down in history as a treacherous monster would be meaningless… as long as those who mattered survived, as long as Sokka succeeded, the world would be set right once more. That was all that mattered…

She gritted her teeth, and she raised her gaze to meet her father's. Ozai frowned warily, no doubt looking for weakness, unsure of what to expect from her: the words she spoke to him next would have come easily a decade ago… but right now, they were the most painful ones she had ever dared give voice to:

"I will stand by the Fire Nation, as I always have. I will stand by your side… as I always will. Whatever you require of me… I will be certain to provide it. It's my role as… as Princess. I won't fail you."

He seemed genuinely surprised by her compliance… it almost angered her that he would be. How could he expect her to trust his alleged willingness to give her freedom to choose not to help? How could he believe she'd ever be deceived by his false kindness again? He lied without remorse, not only to her but to himself, upon pretending that he would never bring her or her loved ones any harm if she refused him…

But perhaps his confusion came from the realization that, in the end, he hadn't been alone. That, at this stage of the war, he still had one ally he could count on. That she had chosen him…

He couldn't believe that she had chosen him over the man she loved, could he?

"I… I am grateful," Ozai said: it was almost possible to believe him. Almost. "As I said, I… I'm in a complicated position at the moment. The Fire Nation is, at large. A new catastrophe struck while you were preparing to give birth, and it's no small matter. It could have a severe impact on the choices we've made to hold our ground… and as much as I have attempted to lessen the damage, there's not much to be done once you've been outplayed by the enemy."

"Outplayed… how?" Azula asked, dubitative. Ozai breathed deeply.

"I'm afraid the solution we sought in the Northern Air Temple crossed the Gladiator's mind as well," he said. Azula tensed up, shoulders squared. "Five airships were successfully prepared with the new weapon, loaded with the necessary ammunition… the sixth, however, was sabotaged by the Gladiator and his forces."

"He… he went to the Northern Air Temple. He… did he recruit the Mechanist?" Azula asked – well, if that was the case, at least one of her terrible mistakes had already been amended. As ever, Sokka was reliable that way…

"It appears so. Him, his entire group, too," Ozai said, with a frustrated sigh. "He has abandoned the Air Temple by now, and he ensured to set the gas reserves within the mountain on fire before leaving. We've lost the supply of volatile gas provided by that location."

Azula gritted her teeth, fists tightened: how could she be so proud of him, and so terrified at the same time? How could she want to rejoice while wanting to scream in anguish just as much?

"He immobilized and left numerous soldiers restrained in the Air Temple. They have been rescued by now," Ozai said. Azula raised an eyebrow.

"He… didn't simply kill them, then," she confirmed. Ozai nodded slowly. "So… he's not rushing out to deal carnage mindlessly after all…"

"There's no telling if that is or isn't the case in other locations," Ozai said, frowning. "The testimony by the soldiers we retrieved indicates that the Gladiator was operating with a smaller group this time rather than a full army. They saw him accompanied by the Avatar and a waterbender… as well as a group of firebenders."

Azula frowned. Ozai met her gaze significantly, and her heart jolted and dropped at the same time.

"You don't mean…?"

"I do not know. None of the soldiers in the location could confirm their identities, as your former guards are hardly recognizable without their uniforms," Ozai said, almost bitterly. "Nevertheless, it stands to reason that around ten firebenders working alongside the Gladiator may just be the men who were complicit with him in his escape. I suppose it's possible that, regardless of your intent, they simply returned to the Gladiator's location after some time passed…"

"If that were the case… I would imagine Governor Tiang would have informed us of it before his capture, unless they've become that difficult to recognize. Nonetheless, he did meet them personally in the past…" Azula said, breathing deeply and shaking her head. "But I would sooner expect this suspicion to be correct than for him to have made new firebending allies inexplicably."

"His forces only grow in number and quality, apparently," Ozai said, rubbing his brow with his fingertips. "Everything is in his favor."

"Everything?" Azula asked, raising her eyebrows.

"He will be headed to the Northern Water Tribe next," Ozai said, leaning back. "Our forces may be strong, but they might fail to hold him off once he arrives. He'll know of our efforts to strengthen our remaining bastions in the Colonies, too. He's going to learn of every single move we made up until the day of his attack in the Northern Air Temple…"

"Wait, how would he know any of this for certain?" Azula asked, eyeing her father with confusion – was he about to accuse her of somehow, miraculously, sending crucial information to Sokka? She wouldn't be surprised if he did, but while she had certainly communicated with him, she hadn't told him any of those things…

Ozai's defeated sigh, however, preceded his next, catastrophic revelation:

"Because War Minister Qin is his prisoner."

Azula's stomach sank. Her face surely paled, too.

"He had been in the Northern Air Temple personally," Ozai continued, bitterly. "I demanded that he oversaw the installation of the new weapons system in the airships… and because I did, he was exposed and within the Gladiator's reach once he made his appearance in the temple."

"He's… he wasn't among the people you retrieved, then," Azula concluded, eyeing Ozai warily. "Is there any information about where they took him?"

"In all likelihood, Ba Sing Se," Ozai said. "They flew in the general direction of the city, and it seems reasonable for that to be their goal considering its proximity to the Northern Air Temple."

"So… it will be impossible to retrieve him," Azula concluded. Ozai shrugged.

"There's no point to even trying," he said. Azula frowned. "It's quite clear that the Gladiator already has what he wants."

"A hostage?"

"Qin is a worthless hostage," Ozai said. Azula shuddered – as much as she didn't care for the man, hearing her father dismiss his importance so easily reminded her starkly of his casual statement, so long ago, about how he'd have Zuko killed if it weren't too bothersome… "I know the man far too well, he won't have held his own. No doubt he will offer the Gladiator every kernel of information necessary to save his life. He has never been a discreet man… and he would be certain to prioritize his survival above his loyalty. I'm afraid it's not in his nature to deceive anyone or to withhold information if he believes it will secure him a more comfortable cell."

"But then…" Azula said, frowning as her eyes drifted down to her father's desk. "If he talks…"

"Once he talks, rather," Ozai said, shaking his head. "There's no doubt on my mind that he would break far more easily than a twig under the weight of a komodo rhino."

Azula closed her eyes. She breathed… and she released that breath.

The last smidge of hope she had clung to seemed to escape along with the air.

"Then… it means that everything War Minister Qin knows, he'll know now, too," Azula said, closing her eyes. Ozai breathed deeply and nodded.

"I'm afraid so."

He'd know countless things for certain, then… he wouldn't have to rely on off-handed gossip, for now he had the personal account of War Minister Qin, providing him with every bit of information he could have needed to discover the truth about Azula's current situation. How much did Qin even know about her conditions? Would he be able to share information that conveyed to Sokka that she had adopted Rei, to name one thing…?

Sokka might be with her guards, too. That revelation should have come as no surprise, either… but if Qin knew more than Azula realized, he might just give away that Song was with her too, without even knowing he had. If Rui Shi was with him… she shivered at the thought. It was the only upside to this situation, of course…

For if he had told Sokka everything, it meant her lover, her true husband, already understood the extent of her betrayal. No, not regarding Zhao… regarding the war. Regarding how she had as good as steered Ozai to the Northern Air Temple, and above all, to the Northern Water Tribe.

Her heart, her stomach, all her innards twisted on themselves as she felt a worming, unpleasant feeling trickling inside her. She wanted to throw up… to bury herself underground and never return to life above the surface, perhaps. She wanted anything but to exist in this reality… in a world where she would have disappointed Sokka entirely.

How many times had she promised him that she'd be fine? How often had she told him she could take the pressure, the pain, the cruelty her father might inflict upon her? How had she said all those words… only to wind up proving his fears right, and her assumptions entirely misplaced?

She had been weak. She hadn't found a way to stay afloat, to survive the madness her father had unleashed upon her. And now Sokka knew just to what extent she had failed to stay true to her word: she had failed him. She hadn't been strong enough to stand her ground… she had condemned hundreds, thousands, all be it to save herself. He loved her unconditionally…? He shouldn't, if he truly did. He shouldn't… for how could he ever love someone who made the terrible mistakes she had? How could he ever allow himself to feel affection towards the woman who had broken her every promise, who had become as good as a husk of her former self…? How could he still love her at all, when she wasn't worthy of those feelings and surely would never become worthy of them again?

She gritted her teeth, breathing deeply: it didn't matter, then, if she made the choice to help her father now. Not only was it likely that Sokka would succeed at stopping them, for he already had… but he'd know everything already. He was aware of what she'd done, of the harm she'd brought to the world. Now, more than ever, she grew convinced that what she experienced during Hotaru's birth had been some manner of hallucination to cope with the pain: if he had already captured War Minister Qin by then, there was no way Sokka could have ever decided to privilege his love for her over the horrors she could be responsible for. Otherwise… he'd be a fool. An utter fool. No one with sense could ever justify the sins she had committed…

She breathed deeply and raised her head towards her father again: he had been watching her the whole time, making no sounds, withholding his thoughts until she was done processing what he'd told her. She gritted her teeth painfully before daring speak again.

"Then… all our plans and strategies so far are likely to fail. War Minister Qin will… he'll have doomed all the operations he knew about. Which means… we have to do something else to stop him."

"We do," Ozai said – that she'd speak of stopping the Gladiator surprised him, if pleasantly. "I cannot say for sure that it makes any sense to call back the fleet in the North Pole. If anything, I fear we have no choice but to commit to that assault as soon as possible. The Gladiator captured three of our airships, it's to be assumed that they have functioning weapons systems… he can use them, along with hot-air balloons, to travel to the Northern Water Tribe with a considerable group of allies, the Avatar among them, and win the battle if our forces show even a sliver of weakness. I intend to send word to Zhao to begin an all-out operation to charge into the Northern Water Tribe now… no matter if it's the dark period, still. They will be at a disadvantage, but I can only hope our five weaponized airships will serve their purpose and turn the battle's tides in our favor."

Azula remained quiet, eyeing Ozai with uncertainty. He breathed deeply.

"Do you propose another course of action?"

"I… no. I can't… can't really think of anything else that could be done right away. I…" Azula said, closing her eyes and leaning into the chair's backrest. "I may need more time to think, but for now, this seems to be the better course of action. Still… we'd need to think about the actual, specific problems we're facing and finding a solution for them. Doing that would help in making your position more manageable."

"Well… we require a solution for weaponizing the airships," Ozai said, with a shrug. Azula breathed deeply.

"There have to be other sources of volatile gas. Do you have the blueprints for the weapon? Could it be built and installed, or…?"

"We do have the blueprints, but constructing the system ourselves would be complicated," Ozai said. "The factory is entirely unusable. It's not impossible to send word to other factories to request their assistance, but I can't say for sure that they would be able to respond at such short notice."

"Well… with any luck, the five airships with weapons would work, provided Zhao uses them properly," Azula said, shaking her head. "But we would have to think beyond the battle in the north. Also beyond the airships, we… we need so much more in order to take a stand against him. He knows too much about our resources, he understands the way we think, he…"

"You understand the way he thinks, too," Ozai said, frowning. Azula tensed up. "Your advice was spot-on when it came to the Northern Air Temple. Had we taken action any sooner, had we been more cautious, we could have handled the matter far more deftly than we did… but you didn't lead us astray. I don't expect you did with the advice for the Northern Water Tribe, either. We simply need… more. Your insight on him is not enough to guarantee our victory, and I've brought you here so we can unravel how to take a proper stand against him. New weapons would be ideal…"

"Weapons he can't anticipate," Azula said, folding her arms over her chest. "The airships… he'd know to expect those, and the weapons the Mechanist designed for them, now that he captured War Minister Qin and took the Mechanist as his ally."

"So, we need… the work of another mind like that of the Mechanist?" Ozai asked. Azula frowned.

"There may be someone. It's someone I know about, although I've never spoken with him directly," Azula said. "I did with… with his sponsor, though. We got along well."

"Did you?" Ozai said – even now, he couldn't seem to hide his displeasure at reminders of Azula's career as a sponsor. "Who is this sponsor?"

"Goro," Azula said. Ozai frowned. "He's a nobleman, though one I'm sure you haven't seen much of…"

"I remember him. The… scholar," Ozai said, with a dismissive sneer. "He sponsored a gladiator?"

"The Mad Alchemist," Azula said. Ozai raised his eyebrows. "His main strength, which made him the top-ranked non-bender until… until my gladiator surpassed him, was his creativity with his weapons. He'd build weapons, systems, machines of sorts… for instance, he had a contraption called the multi-blade. It served as a manner of wall of sharp blades that he could launch at any foes, then he reeled them back into the machine he rode into the Arena…"

Ozai blinked blankly as Azula attempted to explain. She sighed, lowering her head.

"I don't know if that vehicle could have any actual usefulness in battle, but he had a strange firebending-inspired weapon. A tsungi-horn through which he could release plums of fire," Azula said. Ozai frowned, though he seemed intrigued now. "That makes me think he should have access to volatile gas of some nature, since that appeared to be the fuel that powered that device."

"I… I see," Ozai said, hands interlinked as he set his elbows on the armrests of his seat.

"He may have created other weapons I didn't get to see on the day of that fight, so… I suppose it's possible to reach out to Goro and ask if his friend is still building unconventional weapons," Azula said, with a shrug. "I know it's not much of a solution so far, but…"

"It might be a better one than you think it is," Ozai said. "Though that will hinge on whatever this Mad Alchemist may be capable of. Then… this is our prospect to replace the Mechanist's services."

"It's my idea, at least. There might be better suited individuals elsewhere," Azula said, shrugging. "I can't presume to know all important inventors in the world, so…"

"Then that sorts out one vacancy… we need to fulfill another one, too," Ozai said. Azula grimaced.

"The War Minister won't be likely to come back, I'm sure," she said. "Surely you have ideas on who could replace him, don't you?"

"I do," Ozai said, staring at her intently. "She's sitting across me right now."

Azula froze on the spot. Her lips parted, and a violent urge to refuse the job nearly overtook her… nearly. At this point, resisting the fate she had condemned herself to, long ago, was an exercise in futility.

"That… that doesn't sound doable," Azula said, earnestly. Ozai's eyebrows twitched. "I don't mean I'm unwilling, only… after everything that's happened, I don't think your council would accept me in such a role as easily as that. Even if you demand it, I… I can't imagine them offering me the respect they should, if I were to become War Minister."

"I suppose it's but one more consequence of my failings as of late," Ozai said. Azula swallowed hard, resisting the urge to nod vehemently. "Had I restrained myself at all, perhaps they might… but it makes no matter. They may yet return to their senses as I have, once you occupy your rightful seat at my side on the next meeting."

Azula shivered upon hearing that. Her rightful seat… at his right hand? Was Ozai truly hoping to turn over a new leaf, pretending to bring everything back to the way it used to be? Was that his intent?

"That being said, you are not mistaken about the need for another to occupy the role of War Minister. Someone else should fill that position for the time being, I suppose," Ozai said. "Someone you could control, perhaps… or someone with insight and wisdom of his own, that you would consider reliable enough to work with us."

"So… I'd be the one to choose the War Minister?" Azula asked: she knew her father was alone, but the extent of his isolation hadn't dawned on her until now. Ozai nodded.

"It would be your role, were the circumstances any different," Ozai said. "It stands to reason that you choose someone you can vouch for to fill that post for the time being, if nothing else."

"I… I see," Azula swallowed hard, nodding in his direction. "Then… I'll try to think of someone."

"That being said… make certain that it isn't a slave," Ozai said, curtly. Azula flinched.

"In case it's necessary for me to say so, I don't believe the Mad Alchemist is one," she said. Ozai hummed.

"Hopefully you'll be right about that," he said. "Find someone who is genuinely loyal to the Fire Nation. I won't stand for anything less."

"Someone who wouldn't yield every secret to the enemy if he were captured?" Azula asked. Ozai hummed.

"That would be ideal," he said. "Though idyllic, too. I can't think of many people who would be as resilient as that."

"Perhaps not. Either way… I take it you'd also prefer that it were a man?" Azula asked. Ozai nodded. "Very well. And… highborn?"

"Preferably," Ozai said, eyeing Azula warily. "Though I'd be surprised to hear of any highborn man who earned your respect enough to be a candidate for this position…"

"Well… there may be one. But he might not appear to be the best candidate, from your point of view," Azula said, returning her father's cautious stare. "I do believe he would be competent enough for the job, however. I suppose I'd need to know if he's willing to do it, first… but he has always been an overachiever. He's fought for years to earn recognition… he might have changed over the course of the last year, I don't know, but I imagine he would find this offer appealing, at least."

"Then… please reach out to Goro and this War Minister prospect," Ozai said, with a nod. Azula nodded back. "It won't solve all our problems, but it will be a start. Whatever choices we make going forward, the Gladiator should not learn of them. It will be up to us to exploit the chances to take him and his forces by surprise through unexpected resources that he might not be able to predict or anticipate."

"Very well," Azula said, breathing deeply. "As for the north… you're certain that committing is our only option, I take it?"

"Relinquishing our siege would mean wasting ten years of warfare," Ozai said, shaking his head. "Backing down now would allow the Gladiator to obtain a fleet with which he will be certain to hound our doorstep before we know it, as you well pointed out months ago. We cannot wait idly for him to continue taking the initiative: if we strike as soon as we are able, we may keep him from taking control of the battlefield, and of the many battlefields yet to come. Without ships, he cannot transport his army to the Fire Nation. He won't be able to build airships for months, if not years, even with the Mechanist's help. Scrapping together sufficient material to build any would be near impossible for him without the systems of refineries and factories to produce every part…"

"Right," Azula said, breathing deeply. "But it's a considerable risk, nonetheless. The situation they will face during the siege may just be different if three captured airships show up suddenly to destabilize the Fire Nation's order, especially when those captured airships are bound to be weaponized. They should be informed so they know what to expect… shouldn't they?"

"Well…" Ozai said, tightening his lips as his scowl turned towards the horizon. "You're not mistaken, informing them would be appropriate. Unfortunately, however… I cannot say whether this information will have a positive or negative impact on the troops, considering how the commanding officer might react to them."

Azula frowned. She certainly shared Ozai's unease upon hearing those words.

"Have you been in contact with him?" Azula asked.

"Only for official and professional reports," Ozai said. Azula nodded. "His answers have been appropriate, at the very least. I certainly hoped that a return to the frontlines would help matters, but I'm afraid Zhao is a more complicated man than that. Considering his volatile reactions, the way he acted when I last spoke to him… I question that he will know better than to lose his mind recklessly to his resentment towards the Gladiator."

"Is that so?" Azula said, tightening her grip around herself, feeling an unwanted chill rushing down her back.

"He may feel more motivated to bring us victory… just as he may rush into battle blindly, all be it to claim some manner of revenge," Ozai said, with a shrug. "I don't believe any of us can truly remain level-headed when facing that… that man. That being said, Zhao's spiral has been particularly worrisome. His behavior at the end of it… it's hard to believe my old friend could become so profoundly incoherent."

"Well… I have the feeling that he'd ensure to remind you that he hasn't become any of that by choice," Azula said, with a sad grin. "He blames me quite strongly for most of his madness… you too, I suspect, if just to some extent."

"He certainly does," Ozai said, with resignation.

"I cannot even say that he's mistaken to feel as he does," Azula said, breathing deeply. "But unfortunately, it makes it impossible for me to reason with him. If I warned him, told him exactly how to defend himself from Sokka, should the worst occur… he wouldn't heed any of my words. He'd sooner believe I'm trying to get him killed with anything I advise."

"He would. And I don't think things would fare any better if the information came from me, at this stage," Ozai said, shaking his head. "I will communicate the risks, you're not wrong to say I should… but I dread that, with the feats he already has to his name, the Gladiator will have easy pickings if Zhao mismanages the situation, as he's bound to, all because of the perceived slights he believes all of us committed against him."

"I won't pretend I'm blameless. I have some responsibility for pushing him into becoming the man he is now," Azula said. "I don't expect anything I did or said helped matters much, but even so…"

"Do not blame yourself. Not when it comes to Zhao," Ozai said, shaking his head. "He knew why I chose him. He knew I wanted it to be him so he could, primarily, serve as my Crown Prince. But I also trusted him with you. I thought, if someone would know better than to take advantage of that position, it would be the man who had been my comrade in arms since our youth. I won't pretend I'm blameless either, both in my assumptions as well as my expectations and demands from him… but the madness he allowed himself to sink into was his own. I warned him personally… if you were attempting to drive a wedge between him and I, as he was so convinced you were, his choices and actions were the ones that ensured your alleged scheme would be successful."

"I never… I never intended that," Azula said, eyeing him remorsefully. Ozai breathed deeply.

"I believe you. And I do because I know you… I know Zhao," Ozai said, shaking his head. "And I know exactly what kind of stubborn fool he can become when his pride has been slighted. In the end… he is no better than me on that front."

"You've focused on what matters, though," Azula said. "Upon facing the threats we're facing, you wanted a solution. You didn't settle for simply digging up old hurts and grudges…"

"I started out by doing so," Ozai admitted. Azula sighed.

"And you stopped. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here now," she said, plain and bluntly. Ozai nodded.

"If only Zhao could have sufficient sense as to realize his mistake…" he said, shaking his head. "Part of me hopes he will calm down while on the warfront, but another part of me is convinced that won't happen. Arranging your legal separation is bound to be a nightmare of its own."

"I suppose so," Azula said – there was no hope for her circumstances, no chance that she'd be able to marry Sokka afterwards, not after everything she'd done, not after she'd condemned herself as she had… but even so, freedom from Zhao would be most welcome. "Have you yet decided if he would remain your heir, if this separation does go through?"

Ozai frowned, eyeing her with uncertainty and suspicion. Azula tensed up under his scrutiny.

"Is that what you want?" he asked. Azula's lips parted.

"I… what I want doesn't matter, does it?" she asked, dubiously. Ozai let out a humorless laugh.

"You will be standing by me as we fight this war… and you expect to do so without being my heir?"

Her foolish, treacherous heart shouldn't have jolted. No warmth should have spread inside her, for it was wrong, misplaced, he was only manipulating her… but he was terribly successful at it, if so.

"I do not know if a full ceremony would be in the cards this time," Ozai said, breathing deeply. "But I did tell you that I would restore your titles and standing, even when it comes to this. Once Zhao returns, and all arrangements are made… yes, I would have you retake your position as Crown Princess. Provided you believe you're up for the task."

"I…" Azula started, but she stopped talking quickly. Ozai hummed.

"I suppose it'll have to be something to ponder. Your circumstances are different than they used to be. You have a daughter to look after now, after all."

His acknowledgment still couldn't reassure Azula. Nothing would, at this point… but the weakness she still felt for her father, a weakness she truly wished she could discard, brought her foolish mind to wonder if this could be a road back to a past she had thought she'd need to relinquish forever. Standing by her father's side had been her lifelong dream as a child… a dream that had shattered and burned down over time as she opened her eyes to the horrors Ozai was capable of, as she grew to cherish everything the world could offer, everything her father wanted to destroy.

That mentality hadn't changed. She still believed, still knew, that her father was on the wrong side of the war. That the best thing he could have done, upon taking control of the Fire Nation, was to withdraw his troops and end the conflict… a choice he never would have taken into consideration. As far as he was concerned, his victory was as good as assured once he had succeeded his father on the throne: all he had to do was bide his time and exploit the comet… and yet it hadn't been as simple as that.

Now, whatever she did would only prolong the inevitable. Helping the Fire Nation lose with dignity was the only hope left for her father's war effort. She had no idea how Sokka had gathered such troops, let alone how he had found the guards again – perhaps they had sought him out upon learning of his conquest of Ba Sing Se? –, but if he carried on this way… there would be no stopping him. He would truly become a force so relentless and potent that no barriers or shields could possibly hide her father away from his wrath…

And in all her terrible mistakes, all the foolish choices she had made, Azula had long condemned herself to stand beside him as he lost this war. She knew she should be standing by Sokka's side now… not by her father's. They should have done this together… they should have rallied troops side by side, fought against the Fire Nation army to defeat her father's legions…

They hadn't, though, because of her choices. As painful as it might be, as unwilling as she felt to acknowledge that dreaded truth… he was her enemy now. Sokka was her enemy.

"At any rate… I thank you for your aid and your counsel," Ozai said, bowing his head in her direction. "Reach out to the people you've mentioned, meet with them… if they are prepared to fill the voids left by the Mechanist and War Minister Qin, please ensure to bring them into our service. As for yourself… ask your midwife, as she is your chief health advisor at the moment, to let you know when you may begin a regime of training to regain your full fitness as a bender."

"I…" Azula blinked once, staring at her father in confusion. "You believe I might need to fight?"

"Should worst come to worst, our best, most prodigious firebender in millennia cannot be caught unprepared," Ozai said, eyeing her earnestly. "It might not be necessary for you to join any battlefields, I'd prefer it if you didn't… but should it come to that, I want you to be ready."

"I… I understand. I suppose it might still take a few more weeks, maybe, but…" Azula said, eyeing her father with unease. Ozai nodded.

"If that's the case, so be it. Begin lightly, your body is still healing from far too much that has ailed it over the past year. Take it easy, pace yourself with training, understand your body's needs completely. This, as well as recruiting these people, shall be your focus for the time being. I will be in touch should anything else happen in the coming days."

"Of course," Azula said, nodding, shivering – training again. That wasn't a directive she had expected at all. She hadn't thought she'd ever train properly anew, frankly… the notion only overwhelmed her further, but she did her best not to show it openly.

She rose to her feet and met her father's gaze one more time. He had to sense the distance still… he had to resent it, to feel a need to bridge it impulsively, forcefully. Even so, he didn't show it. He stood up as well, nodding his head carefully in her direction.

"Go on, then. I'm sure Hotaru will be waiting for you," Ozai said. Azula breathed deeply and nodded.

"Thank you for this opportunity. I understand how difficult this must be for you… how uncertain you may feel over entrusting this kind of responsibility to me once again," Azula said, lowering her gaze as she bowed her full torso towards him. "I will endeavor to make the right choices to secure the Fire Nation's advancement and the protection of our people."

"Please… please do," Ozai said, nodding. "Have a good day."

That she hadn't said anything specific about him, about her loyalty being his and his alone, might have displeased him. Even so, Azula wouldn't wait to confirm whatever his feelings on the matter might be. She turned, marching to the door, and she left her father's study.

Her heart drummed in her throat, sending unwanted messages all across her body – the terrible choices she had been making haunted her, likely to follow her to her funerary pyre. It was almost too easy to fall into old habits, to let herself be part of whatever her father wanted her involvement in… but her awareness of the true darkness of the Fire Nation wouldn't be as easily dismissed as it had been in her youth. No longer could she turn a blind eye on the consequences of her father's choices, no longer could she pretend that the Fire Nation's campaign of conquest was justified and righteous… it never had been. She had been too submerged in her father's world, in his beliefs, to understand it all along. But the truth was clear, plain before her by now: this was when Ozai needed her the most… at a point where the Fire Nation's defeat was the course of action Azula would wish to commit to.

Her loyalty didn't blind her anymore. Her concern for her people's wellbeing was at the forefront of her mind... she had to protect them. Gaining power again, even if only a smidge of it, would provide her with opportunities to do so. But as for the war itself… the very notion that they could possibly win it seemed to be a childish whim, unlikely to be fulfilled at all.

For she knew her enemy all too well. She knew him more intimately than anyone else did. She knew his potential… she understood his determination, his drive and perseverance. She had wanted to make him a daunting, terrifying gladiator, someone who would intimidate others with his reputation alone, and he had outdone her expectations by becoming one of the most admired warriors in the whole world…

Her efforts to make him fulfill his potential had backfired, then, on herself. Now, she was the one who would face this fully-realized version of Sokka, the leader of armies, unifier of rebels, scourge of the Fire Nation. If only she weren't forced to fight against him rather than by his side, where she truly belonged… in a twisted sort of way, she had bolstered his strengths as best she could, turning him into the most terrifying enemy she could ever expect to face.

Renkai and his fellow guard welcomed her back with a nod – the captain, hidden behind his helmet as he was, still appeared to loosen up his tension once he saw her returning safe and sound. She nodded in his direction, hoping not to appear too downcast, and Renkai opened the door for her…

She expected to enter an empty room, rather than to come across a deeply confused Rei, with several shopping bags on the floor around her, at the center of the room. The younger woman turned to the door with a start, and Azula's eyes widened as they met hers.

"Rei… you're back already," Azula said, and Rei smiled in relief at the sight of her.

"I just returned about ten minutes ago," she said, with an awkward grin. "I was a little confused, but… you're here now. Good. Though…"

Azula stepped closer, waiting until the door clicked and closed behind her before answering Rei's unasked question by approaching the trapdoor and knocking on it lightly. Rei knelt too, helping her wordlessly, watching as the plum of blue flames poured into the mechanism, providing Song a way back into the room.

"Oh… both of you are back," Song said, smiling in relief – Hotaru nestled in her arms, sleeping soundly. "And you're okay? Azula…?"

Azula breathed out in relief, nodding and confirming they were safe. It made sense that they would be, not only because of the safety measures they resorted to, but because her father's assassin had been in the study, too. Pinpointing the unsettling man's location at least helped her prevent unnecessary anguish when she had to leave her daughters and her friend by themselves.

"Are you alright? Did she give you any trouble?" Azula asked, helping Song by stepping into the tunnel, taking Hotaru into her embrace. Song smiled and shook her head.

"Slept like… like the baby she is, I suppose is what I should say," she laughed softly as she exited the tunnel, bringing the empty basket with her. "We'd have to set up a few more preparations for hiding in the tunnel in the future, though. We should have food and water handy in case we need to stay longer than expected, should you need to leave this way more often…"

"Right," Azula said – Rei helped Song in closing the trapdoor after her and rolling the rug back into position.

The Princess held her sleeping daughter, her heart churning as her eyes detailed the young child. Inevitably, she wondered if everything good about herself had been nourishing Hotaru for as long as she had carried her inside… if perhaps all her better traits, her better self, had been taken fully by her child. She certainly hoped to have given her none of her worse, darker sides… so that Hotaru could become the legacy of betterment, of righteousness Azula could never hope to embody anymore.

"Okay… okay. We're back on the surface, and… wow, guess the others went wild with buying things, huh?" Song told Rei, who giggled and shrugged.

"It was a lot, but I could carry it here without trouble," Rei said. "I was just surprised when I returned and found there was no one around, though. What happened?"

"Well…" Song said, turning towards Azula.

The Princess had walked away, hugging her daughter closely, approaching her more comfortable crib, sitting right by her bed. No one spoke as the Princess pressed a gentle kiss to the top of Hotaru's head before carefully laying her down on the soft, small mattress. The child writhed slightly, shifting until she found a comfortable position, her head turned to the side. Within instants, she was breathing slowly and smoothly… and Azula let out a heightened sigh before turning towards her closest allies.

"The Fire Lord summoned her," Song told Rei then. The younger woman froze on the spot, eyes widening with fear.

"W-what… why? What did he want?" she asked Azula, nervously. "Are you… are you in trouble?"

"I… not with him, I suppose," Azula said, shaking her head as she stepped away from her daughter's crib.

She breathed deeply, arms folded over her chest in an unusual, insecure and self-protective stance. Both Rei and Song followed her with their gazes, unsure of whether to press on, or to give her space instead.

"What did he want from you?" Song asked again. "Is it about Hotaru, or…?"

"No," Azula admitted, shaking her head. "It's… it's about Sokka, of course. About… about his war effort."

"Does he think you're in touch with him?" Song asked. "Or does he want you to tell him how to fight against Sokka, somehow? Can't figure him out by himself, can he?"

"No, he can't," Azula said, curtly. Song frowned – it had been a guess, a bitter one… and Azula's response revealed she had been spot-on. "And it doesn't help that… that Sokka is making dangerous moves in response to his. He has more information than my father ever wanted him to have… he's taken War Minister Qin as his prisoner, recruited the Mechanist, taken airships for his own use…"

"Heh…" Song smiled. Azula tensed up as she glanced at her friend – of course she'd think it was a good thing… she wasn't even wrong to. How she wished she could be as hopeful, as supportive of Sokka's efforts as Song could be… "Serves them right. And he called you to tell you about that?"

"He called me… to confirm where my loyalties would lie in the face of the impending battle against Sokka's forces, actually," Azula said, gritting her teeth and marching towards the open window. The drapes hung at its sides… and for the first time in a long period, Azula wanted nothing but to close them, to hide away from the world and pretend she was anywhere but here.

"Of course," Song rolled her eyes, shaking her head. "I suppose he's sorry, isn't he? For all the horrible things he did to you, because ultimately, it's because of all those things that Sokka is doing any of what he's doing. If he hadn't been such a spineless bastard…"

"But he was," Azula cut her off, surprising Song. "And as much as you may believe it serves him right… it's not as simple as that, Song."

"What… what's not so simple as that?" Song asked, raising an eyebrow. "Did he threaten Hotaru? Rei?"

"He didn't have to," Azula said, closing her eyes. Song's brow furrowed.

"What? Wait, but then did he, or didn't he?"

"He doesn't have to say the words outright, damn it," Azula huffed, shaking her head and pacing inside the room. "He hasn't had to for months now. I can't do anything that so much as goes against him, or he'll take it out on all of you when it suits him. I don't have a choice, I stopped having one ever since he captured Xin Long, and I don't have one now, no matter how meek and kind and humble he is when he asks me to help bail him out of the mess of his own making."

Silence followed. A tense, unpleasant silence accompanied by the slow dawning of awareness in Song's mind… as Azula's statements finally seemed to coalesce into something she didn't want to accept. Her behavior, the withdrawn, downcast demeanor, reminded her far too starkly of Azula's emotional state during the day Zhao had attacked her… She breathed heavily, shaking her head.

"What, exactly, is going on?" Song said. "He wants you to cooperate with him and his war effort, and… and what, you're going to do it? Azula… this is exactly why we kept talking about getting out of here, damn it. This is why we had to leave! If this is how things are, we'll have to start making moves to escape as soon as possible, because this is…!"

"I'm not escaping," Azula said, bitterly. Song huffed.

"Like hell you're not," she said. Azula rolled her eyes.

"The two of you can go if you believe it's for the best. I wouldn't blame you, if you did," Azula said, staring at them sternly. "I would rather you weren't complicit with my sins, too, so if you truly believe standing on this side of the war is unacceptable… know that I agree, that I sympathize, and that I'll do whatever is necessary to bring the two of you to safety elsewhere. Probably… probably with Hotaru, too. But…"

"Bullshit," Song said, shaking her head. Azula sighed, burying her face in her hands – she certainly didn't need another argument of this nature… it reminded her far too much of her fight with Sokka, right after their escape upon his defeat of Combustion Man. "You're not going to send us away, or leave Hotaru to us, when you clearly want to look after her yourself. She's your child! You're her entire world…!"

"And he can be her world too… once you take her to him," Azula said, firmly. Song's jaw dropped. "Song… you knew. You knew all along that I meant for Hotaru to wind up with him, she's not safe here, she never will be, and…"

"She will be safe, damn it, once Sokka saves the world and stops this war," Song growled. "And the right thing to do would be for you to hold onto your daughter until that moment comes, not for you to stand against Sokka and fight him when we both know that's the last thing you want to do!"

Azula grimaced, turning her face away as Song stepped up firmly – where she'd found the courage to stand up to someone taller than her, someone who was a figure of authority, a literal royal, she didn't know. But right now, nothing could convince the healer to stand down when the Princess had committed to an unsettling collision course through a self-defeating destiny.

"There's got to be something you can do other than simply rolling over and letting your father get away with whatever he wants to do," Song hissed. "Tell me you have a plan, an actual plan, something doable, and I'll stand by you. But if you say the whole point is for you to keep serving as a shield for the rest of us…!"

"If I did, so what?" Azula said, firmly. Song huffed. "You're only looking at the immediate future, aren't you? You're thinking you can't stand the idea of letting me join forces with my father because that means I'll be fighting against Sokka… it's a revolting, disturbing notion that I would never commit to, if I had a choice. But you have to realize why I don't: we don't have a true plan, a way to escape that would allow all four of us to reach safety without putting countless other people in danger in the process…!"

"I've told you before that he's going to use the entire Fire Nation as hostages to secure your compliance, Azula," Song said, shaking her head. "And I don't understand why you're letting him."

"I'm not going to. Not forever," Azula said, lowering her gaze.

"Right… because once Sokka wins, it'll all be over," Song said, staring at her skeptically. "Because, once he comes back for you, he'll find you aided Ozai and he'll be cross, heartbroken even, because even though he's joining forces with people you despise, he's doing it to end this war and save you. And don't you even dare believe he's not trying to save you, because you and I both know that you were one of his greatest priorities, if not the greatest altogether. You matter more to him than just about anything else, he's not doing this just to take advantage of the strength and knowledge he gained while being your ally! He's coming for you. He wants to save you, you and Hotaru! And you're planning on greeting him by standing by your father's side just to keep the rest of us safe from his wrath? I mean, Sokka's not stupid, he'd understand what you're doing and why you're doing it…! But curses, you can't fight alongside your father. You're not even fully recovered yet, it's only been a month…! Tell him that. Tell him I don't approve of you involving yourself in these matters…!"

"I already gave him my answer," Azula said, curtly. Song froze. "And I'm not going to ask you to approve of it. I don't believe you should, even. It's far better if you don't. But you'll be safe… you, Rei, Mai and Ty Lee, Xin Long, and Hotaru. As much as you hate it…"

"You're not doing the same thing to me. You're not going to send us away the way you sent Sokka," Song said, shaking her head stubbornly. Azula sighed, covering her face with her hands. "You've said a million times that it was the wrong choice, and you're just going to do it again? Seriously?"

"Song, I'm already doomed!" Azula said, her voice ringing with despair. Song almost flinched at the sound of it. "I didn't… didn't just agree to help my father today because I want to protect all of you, I did it because there's no way out for me! Because I already messed up badly enough, more than enough times, to condemn myself regardless of the outcome of Sokka's war effort!"

Song frowned. Azula's chest heaved as her heartbroken eyes bore into her friend's own.

"If my father wins… and I sincerely doubt that he will, then I can protect the rest of you still, if I stand with him," she said. "If he loses… then everyone will be free. Sokka… he'll be the one protecting all of you instead of me, in that case. The world will be better… because it will be the world he and I wanted to build. It'll be the world Hotaru deserves to live in, to grow up in, the world we always hoped could be possible. But I… I have no place in that world. Not anymore."

"That's absurd," Song said, eyes wide with chagrin. "Azula, what the hell are you talking about? You think Sokka is going to imprison you, or allow his White Lotus allies to do anything wrong to you, because you sided with Ozai? Because if you do…!"

"I would deserve it."

Song froze again. Azula closed her eyes, taking a step back, turning slightly as she lowered her gaze to the floor.

"It's not… not only what I told my father today. It's not only the work he may demand I do, the choices he asks me to make, in the coming days," Azula said. "It's… it's the fact that I stopped being an innocent victim, if I ever was one, on the very moment I helped my father react to Sokka's conquest. When I gave him an answer, when I gave him advice during that war meeting? Song… from that moment onwards, I've been aware of the fact that I've done something unforgivable. I can only pray, hope that Sokka will be so much stronger, so much faster and resilient than I can predict, than my father can respond to… but that doesn't change the reality of my choices."

"And what reality is that?" Song asked, her voice ringing with concern and frustration alike. "What exactly are you talking about?"

"My life… it means a lot to you. To Rei. To Hotaru," Azula whispered, closing her eyes. "And what about the lives that have been lost because of my choices? What about the death toll that will come about in the Northern Water Tribe, all because I told my father to strike there, next?"

Song's eyes widened. Azula dared meet her gaze again, recognizing that Song finally was understanding her grievances, her constraints… her dark fate.

"The Northern Air Temple… Sokka arrived shortly after my father's forces did, and he saved the refugees there," Azula said. Song gritted her teeth, shutting her eyes tightly. "I… I don't know, maybe he can do that in the north, too. But I… I already condemned them. He knows I did, too, because… because he captured War Minister Qin. My father says that man won't shut his mouth about any information he believes he can use to save himself… he'll tell Sokka everything he can to that end. And that includes… that includes my involvement. It includes what I told my father… how I read through Sokka's likely choices and pointed my father in the right direction to counter them."

"This… he's not stupid. He'd know you're not doing this because you want to…" Song said, though her voice was frayed with insecurity regardless.

"It doesn't matter, though," Azula said, with a tight-lipped, ironic grin. "If he were here? If he were in my place, he'd be reckless and bold and wise enough to find a way to resist properly. He'd be brave where I can only be spineless and terrified of the consequences of any manner of disobedience. The first time I openly defied my father, I let myself believe I could grow to do it again, and again, until I finally could defy him the way I had to… and when it mattered most, I tried and he broke me. He shattered me into this mess I've barely managed to compose myself from. Sokka? He… he'd have known what to do. He knows exactly what it's like to be broken… and he survived. He endured. He outlasted his pain long enough to fight back one day, and that's exactly what he's doing now. But even so… my mistakes, my actions, have launched him on this war path when I knew, when I've always known, that he doesn't want this. That there were few things he hated as much as he hated being forced to kill. And because of everything… how many times has he shattered his own soul by killing people? How many times will he look at Fire Nation soldiers and see the faces of those who used to admire him, of friends he once treasured? How many of them will he have to kill before this is over?

"And it's my fault that he'll have to do it in the north. It's my fault, there's no way around it. Right now… all I can do is stand by my father, not as a loyalist of the Fire Lord, but as someone who intends to protect the people of the Fire Nation even when the war's victory is clearly skewed in Sokka's favor. Some allies of his… they won't care who they kill, they'll even be thrilled to murder innocents just on the hope of taking revenge for all the civilians the Fire Nation forces killed without remorse. The only thing I can do anymore… is to ensure to protect those people from the butchers on the other side of the war. But I can't win this war myself… I know it's impossible. I don't believe there are any hopes that the Fire Nation would ever recover from these blows… that it would ever reclaim control of the cities it lost. My last act of service for my people is this… while I ensure that you, Rei and Hotaru have a future beyond this place. A future that will hopefully lead all of you to someone who… who's much stronger than me. Someone who can actually protect you in ways I can't."

"Well, I know he's someone who will refuse to let you go. Someone who will make sure to protect you as well as everyone else you care about," Song said, bitterly, glaring at Azula with affront again. The Princess clenched up. "And what the hell does that mean, a last act of service? You really do expect Sokka will stand by idly and do nothing as his people try to have you trialed and imprisoned or even killed for the crimes that are supposedly yours?"

Azula breathed deeply and shook her head. Song shrugged.

"If you don't, then…"

"It's not about him," Azula said. Song frowned. "It's… it's not going to be a matter of a trial afterwards or anything of the sort. If I stand by my father's side… it means that when he falls, so will I."

Song's brow drew together. This time, even the quiet Rei seemed unable to hold back a reaction to Azula's words.

"What?" she said, trembling as she stepped closer, joining the others. "W-what does that mean? What do you…? N-no. No. You're not saying you're… y-you're going to die?"

Azula's unwillingness to answer the question only seemed to anger Song further. Her outrage increased… until there was no bottling it up anymore.

"Over my dead body," she hissed. Azula shook her head. "I mean it, I…! None of us will allow that to happen! You can't possibly believe…!"

"My life… is not worth more than those I've condemned with my choices," Azula said, firmly. Song huffed. "I'm not just talking about the ones who are bound to die next… I'm talking about the ones who already did, and for whom I couldn't do anything! My old staff, my palanquin bearers… where are they? I don't know! How many are alive? How many are slaves? How many people have had to face nefarious, dreadful, unfair consequences over actions that didn't deserve any punishment to begin with, but that they were the ones to pay for with their very lives?"

"All of which is your father's fault, not yours…!"

"It's mine because of my carelessness!" Azula rebuffed. "If I hadn't been as chaotic, as reckless as I was, you'd still have Rui Shi! I might still have Sokka, even! But because I messed up, and I kept messing up afterwards, thousands are going to die on Sokka's war effort, on either side of the war! I… I am not worth this. I am not. I don't care how blind he is to the truth, I could never deserve to live while so many others die!"

Song stared at her in chagrin. The words echoed in her heart… words she had heard in another voice, long ago, in a very different place. They were the words of a man who had been relieved to never have to kill again…

"You sound just like him," Song said, trembling. Azula frowned. "When… when he was free from the Amateur Arena. You know it better than I do… he believed he wasn't worthy of his survival when he'd only achieved it after killing so many others. But he was forced by a cruel bastard to do what he did…"

"And he would have never wound up in the hands of that cruel bastard if it weren't for me," Azula added. Song scoffed.

"Maybe. And yet you didn't force the cruel bastard to do what he did, you didn't force Sokka to kill anyone, you actually freed him from that burden and gave him the chance to become the man he is now. Had he had his wish? Sokka would be dead… he would have died on that first fight. None of us would be here now without him. You wouldn't be who you are… the world would have no hope of finding freedom from the Fire Nation's reach. The fact… the fact that you're echoing his thoughts, his beliefs, is unnerving. Because you knew… you knew how valuable he was. Nobody understood it as well as you did. You encouraged him to find more things of value in his life, you inspired him to find a purpose, and now you're backing down on yours? Now you… you want to die? I mean… sure, I kind of guessed it. The way you talk, the way you always seem to think the rest of us should escape while you stay behind… the letter you wrote for Sokka, the one where you said you thought you'd fail to live with the burdens of your mistakes? This is what you meant, right? Have you really just… thought you'd die, for all this time?"

"Song…" Azula said, staring at her friend with unease. Her eyes were tearful… Azula's heart was painful. "From… from the moment Xin Long was captured, I've been convinced of only one thing: nothing will end, and none of you will truly be free, until I'm gone."

Her immediate reaction was to shake her head. To refuse to accept a possibility as dark, as brutal, as cruel as the one the Princess was presenting to her… and Song was far from the only one who felt that way.

"No," Rei said, eyes wide with disbelief. "N-no, you can't… that can't… no. You can't die. I can't… w-why would this be the only path forward? Y-you can't…"

"I know how defeated this sounds… I know how wrong it must feel," Azula said, looking at Rei mournfully. "But all the good I may have done for you, for anyone, can't rule out the awful choices I've made. Choices that… that condemned countless people who don't deserve the fate I've forced on them. Whether it's my fault or not… my role in this matter cannot be underplayed and dismissed. I've… I've made mistakes I can't take back, and it's not as simple as something that can be stopped by just repenting in this case. For all this time, I…"

"You've thought you don't deserve to be alive when your life has caused grief and disgraces for so many others," Song concluded, her voice charged with powerful emotions Azula wasn't sure she'd heard from her before. "I bet… I bet you're terrified, aren't you? You don't want to see him again. You think… you think he won't want to see you, don't you? You think, when he knows about the choices you've made and the mistakes, and the pain you've inflicted on others unintentionally, he'll think you're unforgivable. That's what's going on, isn't it?"

"No… I mean, you're not wrong but that's not everything, damn it," Azula said, pleadingly. "It's not just Sokka. It's not just the people I've wronged, the people who had bright expectations of me and I betrayed them, it's not…"

"No, but all of them together just give you further reason to deceive yourself into thinking you're better off dead," Song said, harsh and spitefully. Azula flinched. "You… you learned so much, and so little at the same time. I just told you that every single thing you're saying, all the beliefs you're clinging to, are the exact same train of thought that Sokka was tormented by after he left the Amateur League…!"

"That's not… it's not the same thing, he was a slave, damn it, I'm a Princess, my position could never be compared to the horrors he…"

"You're a prisoner!" Song lashed out, and Azula stopped short on finishing that sentence. "That's what you truly are! And the truth is that Ozai has succeeded at breaking you, at destroying everything you hoped to be, everything you once stood for, if he has genuinely convinced you that you're worthless!"

Azula gritted her teeth, her previous words lost in the wake of Song's outburst. Her friend's chest heaved as she shook her head in utter disbelief.

"You're out of your mind… if you expect anyone who loves you to be alright with this outcome. I know I'm not. I know Rei is not. None of your friends could ever stand by and watch you throw yourself into the fire, knowing it's going to end you, and do nothing to stop you!" Song exclaimed. "And if you somehow have deluded yourself into thinking that Sokka won't feel the same way, well, you've definitely been away from him for too long! Even if you are right? Even if somehow, which I cannot quite wrap my head around, you happened to be right? Sokka wouldn't give a damn! Sokka would break reality if that's what it takes, turn this world on its head somehow, if that's what he needs to do to save you! He's a rebellious asshole, isn't he? He's constantly doing exactly what you don't want him to do! So…! So I hope he wins! I hope he destroys your father, I hope he defeats everyone in his way so he can reach you, and just as you beg him to finish you off, he proves you wrong by showing you that this world needs you! That he needs you! That you've never been a waste and never could be one…"

Azula gritted her teeth, tears surging in her eyes as she covered her face in her hands. Song gazed at her with a hint of remorse… and yet her outrage continued to be the guiding force in her heart, her fists still trembling with the unbearable feelings of betrayal and anger that dwelled in her chest.

"For all this time… for all this time I've thought I could finally be the one to protect someone else rather than being the one protected," Song said, shaking her head. "For all this time I thought I could help you… I did everything in my power, and it's not a lot, but I still did, to help you stay afloat in this misery. Every single time you smiled, every time you laughed, I thought… I thought it meant you'd look forward to the future. To smiling and laughing with him again… but you don't think you deserve it. You seriously convinced yourself that the one fate you deserve is to die? You really don't think there's a future for you beyond… beyond this war?"

"I… I've pictured that future," Azula said. Song frowned. "I did, once. R-right before I… before I tried to drink that thing Mai made for me. I couldn't drink it… and the image of what that future might look like hasn't really left. But… the way towards it is broken, Song. If I'd done nothing… if I'd never helped my father, if my life wasn't somehow being held in higher regards than those of countless others, I…"

"Your life is being held in the same regards as that of everyone else," Song said, sternly. "They don't deserve to die… neither do you. The true source of all this pain, suffering and violence is Ozai, it's his forefathers, it's the Fire Nation's race for conquest. You? You're the one who did her best to break out of it and then you worked hard to make life better for everyone you came across. Whether you say you did it for selfish reasons or selfless ones, it makes no matter at this point: you don't deserve the fate you've convinced yourself that you do. But you… you just don't want to see it, do you? You just… you just want to keep thinking this is all that there can be for you, right? You think that death would be preferable to… to facing whatever consequences there may be once the world is free? What if there's no consequences? What if…?"

"That wouldn't be fair," Azula said, shaking her head. Song barked out a dishonest laugh.

"No? Well, a lot of things aren't fair," Song said, scowling. "It's not fair that I had to lose my father, that I had to lose my home, that my mother had to be dragged away from me, that I only got this far because of a gladiator who, fortunately enough, happened to hide near me in a stall in the slave market! It's not fair that you would have to marry someone you never could have loved, that you've had to sacrifice your very soul in order to ensure your daughter could survive, that you could bring her into the world safely…! It's not fair for Hotaru to grow without a mother! It wouldn't be fair for Rei either, she's only had you for a few months and you're her whole world! And you think… you think it's not fair to those who are victims of your father's?! Well, good to know, because you are one too! So, this whole thing isn't any fairer for you than it is for literally anyone else!

"And this argument that your life isn't worth more than those of other people…!" Song said, with a bark of disbelieving, outraged laugher. "You're utterly mad if you truly believe that, if you died, the war would end. That the fighting would stop. Your father? If Sokka happened to wind up so depressed about you being dead that he can barely move an inch anymore, Ozai would kill him! He would destroy everything Sokka has been working towards if Sokka so much as lowers his guard for two seconds! And how do you know, too, that Sokka will just go completely unresponsive if you happen to die? How do you assume his choice won't be to charge into battle mindlessly, in a suicidal spree, because he won't even think straight about who he's killing because you'll already be gone? What on earth could make you think that your death means the death toll will stop?! It won't! Nothing will until your father stops waging this damn war, and even then…! Even then, there's bound to be violence, and even then there will be people in pain, people in anguish, people fighting each other for what they're owed, to get even after years and years of warfare…! We don't need a martyr! We don't need a tragic figure to revere and send candles for, Azula: we need a leader! The world does! And…!"

"And Sokka is that leader."

Song froze, her eyes wide in horror at Azula's statement. It was something so simple… something so correct that she couldn't deny it. And yet…

Azula seemed defeated. Helpless. As if she couldn't fight back anymore, even in all her stubbornness. She gritted her teeth and gazed at Song remorsefully.

"I'm not… not what the world needs," she said. "Maybe I could have been… maybe I even was, once. But I'm not anymore. I stopped being that person a long time ago. I understand what you're saying… you're probably right about a lot of it, too. But… my role can't change. The part I have to play can't be helped anymore. My mistakes have led me here… and I will probably make more of those, going forward, too. I can't turn my back on the Fire Nation… I have to do whatever I can to protect my people from my father and from the White Lotus. If I have to become a treacherous monster to do that… well, I'm sorry to say I already have."

Song shook her head, her face contorted with displeasure. She had never seemed so upset, so outraged before… even if she had felt that way, she had toned it down out of fear in the past. Now, she was as honest as could be, wearing her heart on her sleeve, a heart as battered and broken as Azula's own… and her friend's words were breaking it further. Words she couldn't accept… words she refused to accept.

"Fuck this," she hissed.

With a last shake of her head, she stormed to the door. She yanked it open, offering no answers to the guards beyond it – who certainly had heard their raised voices, but who hopefully had understood none of what they spoke of – before slamming the door closed behind herself.

Never had Azula expected to have an argument of this nature with Song. Her whole body shuddered involuntarily as she closed her eyes, knowing her choices were hurting her friend… just as they were hurting herself. Song's explosive reaction made sense… if Sokka were here, the two of them would have argued back against everything she'd said, just like that. Rui Shi, too…

Oh, how she missed them. She couldn't even tell Song about the suspicions that Rui Shi might be with Sokka's forces… there had been no time, no opportunity throughout that clash. Things had been so much simpler when the four of them had been together… when they hadn't been torn apart by circumstance, forced to take upon unthinkable ventures to reach each other once more.

Fear that she might have driven Song away for good didn't truly register in her mind, though, for there was no time for that, either. Azula raised her gaze to find Rei had stepped closer to her, eyes wide and tearful.

"I…" Azula said, shivering as she turned to her adoptive daughter. "I understand if you're upset too. If you… if you want to leave now, if you want to go with her, I…"

"You were always… always planning you'd die?" Rei asked. Azula's heart, so battered already, seemed to break further at the sight of those tears in her daughter's eyes. "F-from… from so early, you always thought you…?"

"It's not like I… I mean, there's a possibility, I suppose, that Song is right and that this won't have to be my outcome," Azula said, nervous, uneasy, restraining the urge to hold Rei to reassure her further. "I just… I've done my best for you, and I know I could do more still. I'd love to, too, but Rei, I…"

"N-no. No, you don't… you don't know what you mean to me. You don't know what you mean to all of us," Rei said, sobbing as tears finally broke free, spilling down her cheeks. "Y-you don't understand that… that Song and I don't want to live in a world without you."

Azula would have responded, but those words felt like a punch to the gut. Rei's shoulders shivered with sobs as she shook her head, covering her face with her hands. Tears spilled through her fingers, dripping on the floor…

The Princess stepped forward, not knowing if her attempt to offer her daughter solace would work or fail. Not knowing if it would be outrageous for her to even try… for her to cry, too, once she wrapped her arms around Rei's body.

But Rei didn't push her away. She didn't yell. She didn't lose her temper… she simply clung to Azula, firm and tightly, sobbing loudly, holding onto her as though to never let go. As though wordlessly saying that, if she truly had to die, Rei would gladly follow. Whatever fate awaited her, Rei wouldn't know what to do if she was gone. As strong as she had become over the past months, as much as it had helped her to finally have someone on her side, it felt like all of it would crumble if Azula was ripped away from her without further explanation, without rhyme or reason…

She needed her. And Azula didn't seem to understand that. She didn't understand how many people felt the same way Rei did. Ozai had broken her to such an extent that she truly believed herself expendable, meaningless… anything but extraordinary.

Whether or not anyone could convince her of the opposite anymore, Rei didn't know. All she needed to do was show Azula, somehow, that she was needed. That she was loved. That she was free to reach for a greater fate, a more beautiful destiny, than the one her father had forced on her. All she could do… was believe in Sokka's success, as Song did, so that once he finally arrived he would prove to be the greatest man Rei had ever met, seeing through Azula's choices, understanding them, loving her regardless of her mistakes… taking care of her, and of Hotaru as well. They could be a family. They had every right to be one…

She had to convince her. She had to convince her mother that there was something worth fighting for. Something worth living for…

But for now, Rei was weak. For now, Rei was unable to utter a proper word as she simply crumbled in her mother's arms. Azula gritted her teeth, hugging her back, trying to reassure her by rubbing her back gently… but she had known, all along, that her choice would never sit well with them. That her ultimate intentions, the fate she had long accepted, would be unbearable for her closest friends. And how could she blame them? Had any of them said similar words to her, she would be as outraged as they were, keen on doing whatever it took to remove all of what threatened her friend…

But there appeared to be nothing Azula could do to defy this destiny… nothing Song or Rei could do to put a stop to it either. Whether she liked it or not, whether she agreed with his course of action and ultimate purpose… Sokka was her enemy indeed.

Her heart churned at the thought of the next time they encountered each other. Of the awareness that they would stand on opposite sides of the war. Of the suspicion that their next encounter wouldn't be a triumphant moment of freedom but a devastating collision. Whether he held back, whether he didn't… so much rode on this war. So much rode on the battles that had yet to be waged. And because she knew he was right… because she understood his position, she knew he had to win. She, then, would have to lose. The world would change by the time that happened… and whether it changed for the better or the worse, she wouldn't be there to see it. By then, as per the words of a woman who might have been wiser than Azula knew… she would be submerged in darkness, for good. Bright lights might seek her out… but she refused to let that darkness use her as a vessel to snuff them out. Perhaps, in the end… she wasn't meant to reach for that light at all. Perhaps, in the end… she truly was fated to lose everything so the world could move forward, at last.

They would never thank her for it. Those who resented her would never change their minds… those who loved her would be sorrowful, grieving the outcome they had never wanted. But a wretched part of her heart was convinced that the future she had idealized and visualized wasn't possible anymore… and that all she could do anymore was fall deeper into that darkness and use it, all of it, to ensure that those she loved could live in that bright future… a future in a world without her.