Chapter 6: Bunch of Little Hazbins

The blade was held tightly and its victim lay motionless on the floor.

There was a blood curdling cry of anguish.

And a roar of white hot furry;

"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU ALL!"

-XXXX-

Satan was not a happy Sin.

Granted he was rarely ever happy seeing that he had to juggle running the day to day of Hell and having to interact with the 72 headaches that made up the noble Ars-Goetia families.

And ya know being angry as the embodiment of Wrath was kind 'a part of the job description, but he could be a happy guy damn it! He wanted to be happy but living in Hell made that a very hard thing to achieve; what with Heaven always dangling a sword over their heads, Hell being…well Hell, and the Morningstars.

Ooh, the Morningstars.

Thinking about those two always got his blood boiling. Ever since they were thrown into this pit they've caused nothing but trouble and complications. And if it wasn't for Lucifer defeating him and the other sins when he laid claim to Hell like it was his damn birthright he'd have let those two rot in the wastes of Pride.

Satan swore the only good thing that's ever came from the "King and Queen" was Charlie and it was like she sucked any and all of the good left in them and took it for herself. Like seriously, how do you get a kid like Charlie out of a self obsessed, lay-about twink and a flake that ditched her own family when she realized she could get what she wanted!

It didn't make sense!

Satan griped an arm of his iron thrown as he riled up his anger, smoke billowing out of his nostrils from his ever burning fury.

"Hey, hey! Calm down big man. You're makin' some unhappy vibes. The world is calm." Came the ever helpful (if somewhat annoying) voice of the Sin of Wrath's therapist, Yogirt. "Life is already rough n' tumble, there's not need to make it harder on yourself. Just take a deep breath."

Hell's stand-in-ruler forced his rage down and released his grip on his thrown. Slumping back, he followed his therapist's advice and took a deep breath, before calmly blowing out his nose.

The mini gale he breathed out blew some documents off his desk, but he put the lid back on his anger.

For now.

Yogirt flew into his vision, his white robe turning black, and asked, "Getting' all worked up again, got our good king on your mind?"

"Just got more on mah mind with that whole mess in Pride n' all," Satan growled in that accent he shared with a bunch of "Spaghetti Westerns" the humans made. "Ah swear that ring has gotten all kinds of screwy ever since the "King" went and closed himself off. Not that he did much anyway."

Huffing, the Sin's gaze returned to the demon standing in his office, dwarfed by just about everything in the room. It was one of many spies he sent into Pride to "keep an eye on things" as it where.

"Alright so tell me, what's goin' on in that pit? Why did every ring feel like a hellquake just blew on through?"

The demon, who was hidden under a hooded robe, replied, "Well my lord, from what we could gather an exceptionally powerful force had made landfall into Pentagram City, specifically in the district known as "Cannibal Town". Unfortunately we could not discern the source of such a powerful force before we had to extract lest we be…detected by King Lucifer."

Satan brought his steepled fingers to his snout as the mulled through the brief report. "So you mean to tell me, that for 12 whole days you couldn't find a lick of info on whatever caused that much of a ruckus?"

The spy bowed in subservience, hoping he didn't just incur his master's infamous wrath. "I-I'm afraid not my lord. Whatever it was, it had concealed its power well enough to prevent us from locating a trail of any kind. Besides, any further probing would have drawn King Lucifer's gaze."

The King of Wrath sighed in annoyance as he massaged his temples, just under his horns.

Great, another problem to add to his already mountainous workload. He needed to find out what the fuck was going on up there.

Some days he wished he could just ignore Hell's problems and just sleep through it all like Belphagor.

-XXXX-

The Bearer of the Red Crown had considered many things when she decided to uncover the secrets of Hell, she just never considered bringing Leshy here to see if his brand of chaos could counter balance the Happy Hotel.

That was never going to happen because those former gods were prohibited from ever leaving the compound under threat of torture, but I digress.

A couple of weeks had passed since Charlie just so happened to catch Angel and The Lamb in the midst of their conversation to offer a chance of "redemption".

Angel Dust was resistant at first, thinking the whole thing was just some dumb scam for the desperate and the stupid. Charlie tried her best to convince him otherwise saying that her hotel would; "Get you to Heaven because everyone deserves a second chance!"

The Infant God had to hold back a scoff at those words. Not every mortal was disserving of second chances let alone any kind of redemption.

Angel stated he wasn't interested, but the ever bubbly personality that was the pale woman persisted with all kinds of buzz words that flew right over the spider's head. Unimpressed, he told her to her face that everyone thought her "little dream" was a joke and argued that nobody in their right mind would want to try for redemption.

He was a lot more crass with his wording, but the point stands.

It wasn't until Charlie mentioned that food and boarding would be provided to hotel guests for free did she finally get his attention. Angel was still leery, what with redemption being an unproven dream in Hell and all, until The Lamb mentioned that he wouldn't have to give his landlord another "favor" to have the privilege of a roof over his head for another month.

Was it blatant manipulation? Yes, but with how genuinely naive Charlie was with others who wouldn't take advantage of it? Besides, Angel needed help and Charlie was offering.

The down side to this, however, was the hotel's manager and head of security.

Ever since she pulled that stunt on Charlie, The Lamb had been subjected to Vaggie's constant glaring. Whenever they were in the same room Vaggie always kept the cult leader in view.

Was it annoying? Yes. Did the glares wear down on her patience? Most defiantly.

Yet, despite the sinner's distrustful staring, The Lamb continued to make frequent visits to the hotel. Charlie was very welcoming and happy to see the Infant God at the Happy Hotel, likely believing that she was thinking about giving "redemption" a try.

Fat chance! The Lamb was the one who determined who would be eligible for redemption, not some starry eyed girl with only a dream, a rundown hotel, and a couple of flying goat butlers.

Oh right the goat butlers.

Yes, much to The Lamb's shock Charlie had a couple of demon butlers that resembled goats. Red furred and with a voracious sweet tooth, they were by Charlie's side at all times. Their names were Razzle and Dazzle and they were just the most darling little things. The Lamb often found herself cooing over the two when they were in the same room.

Even better was when she found out they spoke Bleat! Granted they had very heavy accents and their dialect was off, but nothing she couldn't correct down the line.

Charlie was surprised to see the Infant God having full blown conversations with the two. Apparently no one, not even her, could understand them.

Currently she was regaling the two brothers with how she slew Leshy the first time and ate his heart.

"…and then I swooped down from the tangled vines growing in his blasphemous temple, jamming my mighty sword down into one of his eyes! The beast screamed and thrashed trying to get me off, but I held true and stabbed the blade in even further!" The Lamb stood before the demon goats as she told her story with her sword in her hand, flourishing it dramatically to help visualize her tale.

Razzle and Dazzle sat a safe distance away as they listened and watched, completely enraptured by the god's story. Dazzle munched on a big paper bucket of "popcorn" held in his claws while Razzle nibbled on a large "doughnut" with a half finished box of them by his side. They sat on the floor in awe and excitement eyes never once looking away from the storyteller.

The Lamb was ecstatic; I'd been way too long since she did this!

"Then with a mighty heave of his body, the monster that the Bishop of Chaos had become threw me into the air and opened wide his maw in a desperate gambit to finish me!" she threw her arms up for dramatic flair, "But at the last moment, just before I would have been swallowed whole, I spun midair to right myself. With an explosive curse I threw my body to the front of the beast and plunged my sword into his neck, cutting through the monster as I fell."

The Lamb raised her sword in a reverse grip and swiftly pulled it down, helping illustrate the moment.

"The monster Bishop screamed and wailed as his divine ichor spilled forth like a tidal wave, spilling all over the chamber before the beast heaved over on its side," the Infant God's sword then changed into her large clawed gauntlets, giving them a flex, "It was then I walked up to the dying beast to stare into his infernal eyes. And I tore him apart piece by piece. Soon enough there was little left of the monster's head, only mounds of torn and ruined flesh and his still bearing heart."

The Crown shifted to a facsimile of a beating heart.

"Victory over the first Bishop of the Old Faith was mine and my road to my revenge had finally started."

The Lamb ended her story there and took a bow from the two enthusiastically clapping demonic goat servants.

"Wow! That was cool!" bleated Razzle, voice like a soothing crackling fire.

"Yeah! Big sis Charlie's stories are never that cool!" Dazzle piped in with his squeaky dialect.

The Lamb smiled at their praise, "Thank you boys. I'll admit it has been a long while since I've been able to tell a story like that."

As Razzle and Dazzle showered the hotel's guest with praise, Charlie and Vaggie stood in the in the lobby with wide, confused expressions.

"I…did not know people could talk to them." Vaggie stated.

"Neither did I. I always thought they couldn't speak and just made funny goat noises," came Charlie's reply, "I'm gonna have to ask to dad about this…eventually."

"I'm surprised that Lambchops can speak goat so fluently," drawled Angel's voice.

To them, the conversation going on next to the rundown check in desk was a collection of "Baa, baa, baa" over and over again.

Eventually The Lamb pats the two brothers on the head and ushered them back to their duties with the promise of another story at a later date. Once done she made her way over to the lobby where the two employees and their one resident presided.

"Ah, cute boys. Been a while since I've regaled someone with that story," the Infant God said as she approached.

Angel Dust looked up from his lying down position on the couch, his long legs dangling off one end, and asked, "Geez, ya done there fuzzy? Swear I was about to lose my mind with the constant 'baa this' and 'baa that'!"

The Lamb, in all her grace, sheepishly scratched her cheek in embarrassment. "Sorry all. Kind of lost myself in the story telling."

"So you guys could actually understand each other?" asked the hotel owner.

"Of course, why wouldn't I?"

"You were just going 'baa' the whole time," the hotel manager/security guard stated.

The cult leader climbed onto the couch and sat next to Angel Dust's head as the spider scrolled through something call "Voxstigram" on his hellphone. "Well we were speaking in Bleat, Vaggie, I don't see the issue. Although with their ascents it was hard to understand them sometimes." She playfully flicked the long part of his hair.

Charlie and Vaggie looked at The Lamb oddly, obviously with more questions.

"There's a whole language called 'Bleat'?"

"They have accents?"

Before the conversation could go anywhere, Angel put away his hellphone in his chest fluff and sat up on the couch with a stretch. Two arms going high and the other two pushing t his back "Whelp, I'm gonna go out!"

Vaggie's attention swiftly turned to him, "Hey whoa, what do you think you're doing?"

"Relax, Vagina, I'm just meetin' up with an old buddy of mine," he stood up, "Nothin' wrong with havin' friends outside this place is there?"

The grey skinned sinner bit her lower lip in rising anger at Angel's teasing smile. The poor girl had learned very quickly that the Happy Hotel's only resident had a knack for getting on her nerves and the past week had been an endurance test for her patience.

"No there isn't anything wrong with that per se," Charlie replied before Vaggie could, "We just want you to remember that your trying to redeem yourself so that means you can't just go crazy out there…"

Charlie trailed off rubbing her hands as she poorly reinstated one of the rules for staying at the hotel, i.e. not indulging in sin of any kind.

But before she could go on any further, the spider demon waved off her concerns, "Like I said toots, I'm just gonna meet up with a friend. What could possibly go wrong? Anyway, I'm off. Don't have too much lesbian play time while I'm gone~!"

With that the sinner walked out the door and closed it behind him leaving the hotel one spider demon short.

Vaggie just crossed her arms and shook her head. "That guy I swear," she said with a snort.

Her girlfriend placed a hand on her shoulder, "Hon, come on, he's our first guest at the hotel, we need to give him a chance."

"Charlie, he's been here for two weeks and I've already found three bags of drugs in his room!"

"He's just starting," the hotel owner tried to defend, "I'm sure he'll get better the longer he's here."

"Yeah, cause he is here to get redeemed and not just here for the free room and food." The moth sinner gave The Lamb still on the couch a sideways glance. The cult leader ignored her as she was busy on her "crownphone", keeping up to date on the goings on and thoughts of her cult. Her brows furrowed at what she read.

Before the argument could go any further Dazzle flew over holding a wall clock and presented it to the couple.

"Time!" he bleated, pointing to the clock face.

Charlie read the time and her eyes widened. "Oh shit, the interview!" she exclaimed griping her hair and then ran off into her office.

Vaggie own eyes rolled in their sockets, "Ugh, right. The interview. Tell me again why we have to make an interview with Katie Killjoy of all demons?"

Her girlfriend then walked out of her office carrying a stack of papers in her hands. "Razzle! Dazzle! Can you guys get the limo ready? Thanks! Because News 666 has the broadest audience in Pentagram City and she said that she was open to the idea of hosting me on their network!"

"But it's Katie Killjoy," the sinner tried to stress, "She only hosts people for interviews so she could publicly humiliate them."

"It'll be fine babe. Because I know exactly how to get everyone to listen!"

Unnoticed, The Lamb just rolled her eyes from her spot.

"…You're going to sing to them aren't you?"

And the sun shined in the lobby, "Yep!"

Vaggie could only face palm and sigh.

"Not like that you're not."

The couple looked over to The Lamb who now stood on the couch beckoning Charlie, "Come here."

A little confused the hotel owner walked over to the cult leader and stood in front of her. Her girlfriend keeping ever close an eye to make sure Charlie was safe.

The Lamb said nothing as she licked a thumb and parted a stray hair back into place. Next she turned the red clad woman around and untied her extremely long hair wherein she willed the Red Crown into a comb and began to straighten it out and remove any knots that had formed. When satisfied, the Infant God retied her hair and, with a subtle use of a little divine ichor, made sure it would stay together.

"There, now you more presentable to advertize you're project."

Charlie blinked and pulled a small makeup mirror out of her suit pocket and inspected herself. Sure enough her long blonde locks were straightened out and not a single follicle was out of place. Her bangs had also been redone and now had much more flow and added fluffiness. To put it simply, her hair was perfect. "Uhh, wow. That really wasn't necessary, but thank you Ms. Lamb. Umm, why?" she asked trying her best not to sound ungrateful.

"Well this seemed like an important event for you and I thought it prudent that I make sure you're looking your absolute best," The Lamb replied, "When making an announcement or speaking to a large crowd, initial presentation is much more important than usual. In this case you are not representing yourself; you are representing your idea. You are the face of your project."

The pale woman seemed to consider her words. "Huh. I'll be sure to keep that in mind."

The cult leader waved her off, "Yes, yes, now shoo. You have an interview as you put it and its always better to arrive where you need to be early."

That stung the two women into action.

"Oh yes, right! Thanks again. Uh, what are you going to do then?"

"Worry not, Charlie. I have some things to check up on. I'll be gone for a while so no need to bother yourself with me. I do hope everything goes well for the both of you, however."

Vaggie rolled her eye, "With who we're going to meet with I doubt so. Thanks anyway."

With that all three of them walked out of the old hotel's entry doors. The Lamb waved a good bye as Charlie and Vaggie climbed into the waiting metal wagon thing called a "limo" and sped off.

The Lamb huffed as she turned to the porta-gram in the hotel courtyard.

She let out a sigh, "Time to see what the fuss is about now."

Those five drove her up the wall some days.

-XXXX-

The true god of the Lands of the Old Faith (new name pending) briskly walked down the path to the community place of her home compound with a stern expression.

The siblings had gotten into another argument that was looking to devolve into a fight, again.

The Lamb wanted so desperately just let Ku'Lute deal with them, but she had made it perfectly clear to everyone that they were her responsibility and no one else's.

So that meant that every time one of them needed something specific or had a request she would handle it personally.

And every time they would get into arguments or fights she was the one to break them up and administer punishment whenever necessary.

They weren't isolated in the compound mind, just a standing order that stated that The Lamb would handle them. They could walk around and freely converse with her followers like any other and had to pull their weight just the same as everyone else.

They lived as her followers lived, and she would gladly remind them if they ever forgot that.

"What was once mortal was now godly and what was once godly was now mortal," as Due once elegantly put it.

The racket they were stirring up had drawn a crowd around them as their arguments often did. The cult leader saw some in the crowd looked worried and some amused, there were even a few of them passed around bets. As she approached the arguing voices got louder and upon noticing her several of her followers bowed and parted allowing her to witness the growing shitstorm that was being kicked up.

"THAT'S WHAT YOU GET! WHEN I SAY CAN HANDLE IT, I MEAN I CAN HANDLE IT!" screeched Leshy as he shook his fist at a light post by their table.

Standing to the right of the table was Kallamar, covered in what looked to be the remains of a pumpkin stew from the outdoor kitchen. "With how many times your spoon hit the table you obviously couldn't! I wanted to help you because your repeated attempts were getting annoying you blind, overgrown bush!"

Leshy responded by turning more left and shouting, "IT'S A CONDITION YOU JELLY SKINNED CRYBABY!"

No sooner a mighty fight began between the two! It was a slap fight, but a mighty slap fight indeed!

The Lamb watched the devolving situation with half lidded eyes. She turned her head to look at the other two.

"This is my lunch you gluttonous toad! You already got two servings you can get another one on your own!" yelled her former boss, Narinder, as he held a delicious fish feast away from his sister as he held her at bay with a foot.

The four eyed frog, Heket, reached over with grabby hands trying to get to the black cat's prized dish, left cheek squished in by his foot.

"…..Give…..Hungry…Pest….!" she murmured "loudly" in return.

Yep, they were all siblings alright.

The Lamb looked around for the last sibling of the bunch and found that Shamura must have wondered off meaning this argument had gone off for too long.

Sighing to herself the Infant God reach up and prepared to get them all in line, again.

Before the fight could escalate The Lamb's axe suddenly flew into the table splitting it in two. Leshy was thrown forward with a yelp as Kallamar let out an undignified shriek while Narinder lost his balance and fell onto the destroyed table, his lunch lost to the floor. The only one unscathed by the sudden destruction was Heket who remained sitting on her seat with wide shocked eyes.

Now that she had their attention, The Lamb strode forward gracefully past the crowd. Behind her a few sour faced followers deposited gold into the hands of some very pleased looking followers.

"Now, what seems to have been the trouble this time, hmm?" she asked as she gripped the handle of her axe and effortlessly pried it from the ruined table, "Did you all forget that fights inside the compound are strictly prohibited, outside of the ones that I organize myself? Or did another one of your petty arguments end up disrupting everyone's day, despite me repeatedly telling you that I have no tolerance for such things?"

Her companion melted and returned back to her wooly head as she looked to the nervously shuffling gaggle of siblings that caused this mess. Kallamar averted his eyes respectfully to the floor, Leshy crossed his arms and turned his head away, and Heket looked at anything that wasn't the cult leader and tapped her fingers together. Narinder, however, kept his three eyes locked to The Lamb's, almost in challenge, as he frowned.

"Is it so hard to keep yourselves in check? Was I not gracious enough to let you roam about in my compound, among my followers, and given the opportunity to live peacefully?"

The former god of death snorted. "Is living in the same place with you such a gracious thing Lamb? You are only so powerful because of that crown upon your head!" he scoffed in a voice that was such a contrast to the One Who Waits.

The True God's smile was empty, "And you can thank your siblings for that, as well as your liberation."

"This sham of a cult is hardly any form of liberation!" That got the crowd around them to jeer at the cat as his siblings cringed at the mention of their roles in The Lamb's ascendancy.

The cult leader raised a hand and the jeering stopped. "What is a sham and what isn't is not for you to decide Narinder. It is mine alone as I could just so easily make your lives all the more…uncomfortable in a whim." The three who had remained silent during the exchange flinched at the threat while Narinder wisely kept his mouth shut. "But I am a benevolent god and refrain from doing so."

"Instead all of you are going to clean this mess and while you're at it the community place could do a little sprucing up as well, so chop, chop!" The Lamb clapped her hands with a wide smile as the crowd of followers dispersed.

All of the perpetrators groaned at the new chore given to them and started by cleaning up the mess they were responsible for.

"Oh, I despise doing such menial tasks," Kallamar complained to himself, only to cringe when the cult leader overheard him.

"And just for that all of you are going to work together to build a new table to replace the one that you got destroyed. I want it done before tomorrow's new dawn~!"

Narinder facepalmed and Heket looked up and sighed.

Kallamar cringed at his siblings' angry stares before shrieking as Leshy dumped a half filled bowl of soup over his head.

The Lamb walked away from the bickering with a satisfied smile knowing full well that there wouldn't be any further incidents today.

Funnily enough out of all of them Kallamar was the most integrated into her cult, doctrines and all.

He not only participated in sermons and other rituals, but he also vehemently worked with Gaste as a healer and medical researcher. Being the former Bishop of Plague and Pestilence he knew health better than anyone.

Also he was a huge germaphobe, who would have guessed.

Yet, despite all his participation, despite all his help; The Lamb knew why he did it.

He feared her.

They all feared her.

This was just his way to try and placate her so that she wouldn't have reason to draw his blood again.

It was good, the constant threat of unimaginable suffering kept him in line. It's not like she would ever forgive him.

She would NEVER forgive any of them. Not after what they did to her.

The True God shook her head. None of that was important right now.

Time to find Shamura.

The Infant God took the opportunity to admire her cult as she searched. Her followers had grown to a level of independence where she didn't need to specifically plan out what goes where and how this should be done. Of course she always had them in the back of her mind.

Say what you will of how she didn't need to be so active as she always was, but followers were still followers and they had a knack for getting themselves into all kinds of trouble.

If it wasn't a group of pilgrims getting lost in the Darkwood needing rescue then it was someone getting high off of menticide mushrooms from Dr. Sozonius' research stash. And if it wasn't Plimbo scamming some goods off some poor fool who then complained to her then it was a mob trying to burn some poor sap on a pyre.

She loved them all she really, really did, but there was a good reason why she was such a mother hen.

That and other reasons.

Anyway after about 20 minutes of wandering around and asking her worshipers about Shamura's whereabouts, The Lamb was directed behind her temple. There she found the capless spider standing at the very edge of her grove, still and silent.

The cult leader was careful as she approached, her eyes hawkishly locked on them in case they stepped on to the flowers.

When she was at Shamura's side they spoke, "I hear them….voices, so fearful, pleading, just over there. Do you see them, Allocer?"

Ah. We're were doing this today.

The Lamb put on a fake smile and looked to where Shamura was pointing at the center of the grove.

"See what, my dear bishop? What is it you hear?"

The former Bishop of War slowly lowered their arm and stared, "The voices of pain and fear….they pleaded, yet….gone. We sent them away after slitting a throat. Driven by fear….My Whiteness, wasn't the fear supposed to subside? The regret?"

The Infant God gently took Shamura's hand causing them to look straight at her. The spider's four eyes stared blankly, confused, as if they were looking right though The Lamb. "Such things are best left to the past. Come my Bishop; let us return you to your chambers. There is much to oversee with the prophecy having been foiled."

The True God of the lands guided Shamura, who offered no resistance, away from the grove after sparing one last look to the monument that lay in the middle.

-XXXX-

In Charlie's opinion today was a mess of sudden tonal shifts and it kept throwing her for a loop.

First was the mess with the interview and Katie Killjoy, then the talk with Angel Dust in the limo, the call she left her mother for what seemed like the hundredth time now, and then finally the sudden appearance of the Radio Demon offering his help for the hotel.

Oh! And the musical number can't forget about the musical number!

So yeah. Tonal shifts.

The Princess of Hell really wished Ms. Lamb was here right now because she needed some advice.

Funny how despite knowing that nice lamb sinner for a little over two weeks, Ms. Lamb had been a constant source of advice and knowledge. Often times when Charlie was trying to figure out what would work as a good redeeming exercise the sinner would offer an idea or two. Well really what she'd really do was give Charlie a scenario for her to think on. It was help in a very hands off kinda way and she didn't mind of course, the fact Charlie was getting any help at all was fantastic!

Vaggie was nervous about the other sinner though, but she was like that with a few people….okay she was defiantly like that with everybody. She told the Princess that Ms. Lamb wasn't being completely straight and that she couldn't be trusted.

And, yeah there was some concern.

A sinner didn't have the kind of power like she had displayed without "holding a few chains" as it where, but nothing about Ms. Lamb indicated that she was an up and coming overlord. And Charlie prided herself on being able to really understand her people; it's the whole reason why she dreamed of redeeming sinners after all!

And speak of the devil (heh); the blonde hotel owner's musings where interrupted when the entryway doors opened to reveal, who else, but Ms. Lamb!

The lamb sinner looked around taking in the new décor that Alastor was gracious enough to provide as she approached common area in the lobby where everyone was.

"I see you've done some renovations while I've been gone and in such a small time frame," she stated, "I clearly missed something."

"Ms. Lamb, hi!" the Princess greeted happily.

"Charlie, I trust that everything went well with the interview? I see some new faces."

Charlie and her girlfriend looked at each other in uncertainty. Riiight, she would ask about that. The hotel owner ducked her head as she started to explain, "Well you see-"

"Oh it went well! Charlie and that broadcasting bitch Killjoy threw hands!" Only to be interrupted by Angel Dust from his spot on the couch. "Here, I'll tag ya a video."

Oh God, it was recorded!

Ms. Lamb looked at him confused before she reached up and grasped her weird hat. It shifted smoothly into the shape of a hellphone and she stared at the screen.

"I see," was all she said after a moment.

The Lamb gave Charlie a pointed look, who nervously avoided eye contact. Golly that stare she was giving her was just as bad as her mother's.

Thankfully though the new maid, Niffty, came to the rescue.

The new hotel maid got right into the poor woman's face. Charlie observed that Ms. Lamb stood only a couple inches taller than Niffty, not counting the hat. "Hi! I'm Nifty you're new. Are you a bad boy? Nope you're just some lady! Do you know any bad boys?! Wow, you smell like trees, but you're so clean! How'd you do it? What's your method? Tell me your secrets! TELL ME!"

The maid started to shake her victim vigorously, but luckily for the accosted lamb sinner, Niffty was plucked off the ground by Alastor and placed away from Ms. Lamb.

"Now, now my dear, that's no way to treat someone who only just arrived to the hotel," the Radio Demon chastised, "Apologies, Niffty gets a little excited when meeting new faces. Allow me to introduce myself, I'm the new facility manager here at this dear hotel I go by Alastor the Radio Demon. You may have heard one of my broadcasts over the radio."

His introduction was smooth and coupled with the grainy radio effect that accompanied his voice came off as prim and proper with just a little bit of preening. Charlie honestly expected the Overlord to embellish himself more.

Ms. Lamb looked at the red suited sinner with a confused head tilt and asked, "What's a radio?"

The hellborne princess swore that Alastor's right eye twitched ever so slightly and his perpetual smile seemed just a little bit more forced. She had to stop herself from chuckling.

"Why radio is only the best form of entertainment around my lady! You won't find any form of media better."

"Oh, it that what those moving picture boxes are called?"

Any and all amusement vanished from Al's smile, "…..No."

"That aside, I see you're already acquainted with Hell's dearest princess and her companions. Are you perhaps also a hotel resident?"

The lamb sinner shook her head, "No I'm not. Charlie here was just kind enough to allow me to come and go for visits. I'm taking the opportunity to get a better understanding of her goal here before I commit to anything."

It was true. While she opened this hotel with the goal to redeem and get sinners to Heaven she wouldn't turn anyone away. And while Charlie was a bit disappointed that Ms. Lamb wasn't here as a resident she had been nothing but respectful. And in Hell that is a commodity.

"Ah, I see. Dipping your toe to test the waters before jumping in, perfectly understandable," Alastor then gestured widely, "As you can see the hotel's gone through a little bit of an improvement, all of course provided by yours truly."

Ms. Lamb nodded, "I can certainly say it looks much better than it once was, but tell me how did you manage it in such a short time?"

"Oh its quite simple my lady, all it was…"

The conversation trailed on as the two casually spoke to each other. Off to the side stood Vaggie and Charlie who could only watch the unfolding scene before them in utter bewilderment.

"What is happening right now?" Vaggie asked.

"I think Ms. Lamb and the Radio Demon are having a respectful conversation, in Hell," the princess replied.

"I feel like this happens with that lamb lady a lot."

"Yeah it does doesn't it."

The couple tuned back into the conversation.

"….and let me tell you it has certainly been a convenient help over the years. But enough of that for now let's get you acquainted with the last of the hotel staff. Husker, my good fellow, why don't you introduce yourself to this fine lady!"

Husk, who had been ignoring everyone in the lobby and drinking his cheep booze from the bar up until now, turned and growled back, "Ugh, what now you puffed up red fr-YOU!?"

Ms. Lamb pointed to herself, "Me?"

Charlie and Vaggie asked, "Her?"

Angel smirked and pointed at Alastor, "Him?"

Then Niffty, "NIFFTY!"

The alcoholic cat demon pointed a claw at the lamb sinner, "You're that bitch that drank my bar's entire supply!"

Ms. Lamb raised an eyebrow, "You're going to have to narrow that down."

"You came in and threw a block of gold on my bar asking for my expensive shit, with you drank like this!" He held up the bottle of cheep booze he was nursing from.

The accused put a hand on her chin and thought for a moment, "Still going to have to narrow that down more."

Husk's face deadpanned, "You ripped my door off its hinges after getting drunk off your ass?"

It was then she snapped her fingers as a smile graced her face. "Ah now I remember. You're that grumpy cat who looked like he was waiting for divine providence to come and strike him down. I see nothing has happened to improve your mood any."

Charlie butted in with a question for the bartender, "You know Ms. Lamb?"

He shrugged, "Not really. She came in one night after the extermination and asked for the strongest drink I had. Well she didn't talks so she pointed to it, but when I called her out on the price she threw a gold brick on my bar counter. Didn't really need to ask questions after that."

Alastor nodded in understanding, "So that's why you were so upset when I called upon you. You took all that gold and gambled it all away I'd wager." His smile was teasing and vindictive.

"Go stuff it up your ass," Husk replied and then shoved another bottle in his mouth while flipping Alastor the bird. He proceeded to ignore everyone again.

The Overlord mealy looked amused before returning his attention back to the rest of the group. "My, my what an interesting day this has become! I can already tell, my dear princess that this project of yours is shaping up to be quite the source of entertainment."

Charlie could only smile awkwardly, "Thanks?" She didn't expect her day to go like this either.

It was around this moment that a wall in the lobby was blown in. The sound of a loud engine and a war horn called from outside.

Everyone looked out the hotel's new hole to see a large floating war zeppelin with a face baring down on them. A myriad of weapons sprung forth, all aimed at the hotel.

Leaning out of one of the machine's window was a black and yellow snake sinner with a top hat. His snake hood was covered in red eyes and he called out with a scratchy voice as he rolled his S's.

You know what he looked like that guy Angel was fighting with during the intervie-oh god damn it.

"Hah! Well, well, well. Look who's harboring the sssstriped freak! We meet yet again, Alastor!" the snake guy exclaimed.

Everyone gathered outside with varying degrees of interest.

Seeing as he was specifically addressed, Alastor cocked his head and asked, "Do I know you?"

That question seemed to blow some of the wind out of the snake guy's sails as his face took on a look of disbelief with a twitchy eye. Quickly he recovered and darted back through the window as his voice was carried by a loudspeaker on the airship. "Oh yes you do! And this time I have the element of SSSURPRISE!" It was then a large intimidating mechanical laser cannon extended from the belly of the ship.

It began to ominously charge as the snake added, "Ahahaha! I'm ssso evil!"

Despite the danger no one seemed at all worried at the charging weapon of mass destruction.

Alastor, however, simply snapped his fingers and a large flaming ring opened up underneath the zeppelin and formed a portal, to which giant inky black tentacles shot out and began tearing the ship apart.

The snake guy's terrified screaming could be heard over the speaker system of the ship before Alastor clenched his fist causing the tentacles to crush the now ruined airship and causing it to explode.

Everyone just stood in silence.

-XXXX-

Alastor stood there grinning menacingly at his latest victim, it was nice to flex you're power everyone and a while, especially after so much time.

The rest of the hotel staff (plus one tenant, plus one guest) were standing behind him no doubt in his mind with expressions of shock and surprise, minus little Niffty of course. He so did love to put on a show or two for his business partners.

The Overlord let them stew in the moment a little longer before breaking the tension. "…Well I'm starved! Who wants some Jambalaya?" he asked as he started walking back to the hotel, his darling Niffty was the first to follow his lead while his new acquaintances took just a little longer.

As exciting as this day had turned out to be, the Radio Demon was more than ready to put it behind him. "My mother once showed me a wonderful recipe for Jambalaya. In fact, it nearly killed her! Hahaha! You can say the kick was right out of Hell! Ohoho, I'm on a role! Yes, sir! This is the start of some real changes down here!"

He stopped his gait for a moment, allowing everyone else to head in before him and looked to the bright neon sign of the hotel above him. His smile stretched as he willed his magic through the architect's nightmare of a building and made a small change.

Once done Alastor looked upon his handy work being very pleased with himself.

What was once the foolishly named beacon of light down in Hell that was the "Happy Hotel" was now rebranded to the far more appropriate "Hazbin Hotel".

Yep, if he was a lesser creature he'd pat himself on the back for that one.

"The game is set! Now…."

"Stay tuned. Hahaha-"

"Who are you talking too?"

The Overlord looked down to the Niffty sized guest of the hotel, who looked back at him in confusion with a raised eyebrow.

Hmm, this one was going to be trouble.

-XXXX-

In the newly formed crater where his airship was destroyed, Sir Pentious clawed his way out of the smoking hole panting, covered in cuts, and tired.

A the mouth of the crater was one of his Egg Bois with #23 painted on his back. This one was Craig if he remembered correctly.

"Now will you shoot me with your ray gun?" his stupid minion asked innocently.

Sir Pentious could only respond by collapsing from exhaustion with a tired groan as his Egg Boi waited for an answer.

Then he heard the sound of feet stopping in front of him. Fearing it was that bastard Alastor again, he looked up only to see a grey hand stretched out in an offer for assistants. Looking past that he saw a kind smile attacked to the limb and a hat with a red eye like his own.

"Need a little help?"

Finally we get things rolling!

Bet some of ya didn't expect The Lamb to treat Narinder like that did ya? Idk

And now everyone's favorite himbo and adorable little lamb/cult leader/god have finally met. I'd love to see you guys guess how things between them are gonna be.

Anyhoo, I leave you all with this and I hope you enjoyed. Please let me know what you guys think.

And remember to leave a review and to like, comment, and subscribe!

I'm so damn funny