"I'm not doing it. I can't." Danny grumbled, not bothering to raise his head from the scratchy pillow. He wished the foam would open up and swallow him whole. Send him to some form of sweet oblivion that was far from any of this. It wasn't like Danny didn't want things to get better with the Winchesters. He would love to be able to settle down at night in Sam's arms again, or to finally be able to share a drink with Dean.
"You're being a little bitch." The deadpanned insult was followed by the soft thump of a different pillow bouncing off the back of Danny's head. The younger spirit couldn't help but chuckle, despite his hammering heart. He had to give it to Johnny, no matter what was happening, the older spirit always managed to lighten the mood. "Do you want your man, or not?"
Danny groaned at the question, forcing himself to roll onto his back. His gaze immediately settled on the stained popcorn ceiling, tracing the outlines of each blotch. It was a complicated question, and Danny really wished he didn't have an answer to it. He missed Sam so much in all that time, even after the first time the man left. He missed being surrounded by safety and care that the brothers gave him, a feeling different from the family he has now. They were human and hunters, they could understand him in ways no one could. Even if there were still massive differences.
"I don't know... I love Sam, I always will, but..." Danny trailed off, letting his eyes flutter close. He couldn't help feeling torn, like he was only added more of a mess to Sam's life. The Winchester had mourned him, had thought he died, and was still looking for his father. Who was Danny to step in and make it all worse? Maybe he shouldn't have even told the Winchesters he was still alive.
"But nothing!" Johnny cut in before Danny could finish his thoughts. Before Danny could even blink, Johnny was suddenly on top of him. The older spirit suddenly straddling him, firm hands pressing against Danny's shoulders. "You love him! I might not get the appeal, but it's obvious to everyone. So, get your happy ass into gear, and talk to Dean!"
Danny will refuse to admit that he had squealed when Johnny's face was suddenly a few inches away from his. His hand immediately jumping up to shove at the man, turning his gaze away. As much as Danny didn't want to have a one on one with Dean, he knew he had to. "Okay, Okay, I'll do it! Just get off me!" Danny whined, his tone more playful than annoyed.
Johnny's obnoxious laugh filled the air as the spirit pulled away, settling on a rickety chair to the side. Johnny waited until Danny finally pulled himself up to a seated position. Danny ran a hand through his hair with a groan, just knowing that no matter what, he wasn't getting away from this conversation. Johnny's laughter only seemed to grow louder as he watched the halfa.
"Then go get your man, man!"
The silence was palpable, Danny was struggling to just sit still. Dean didn't even seem like he wanted to look at Danny, yet the younger man felt like he had daggers staring into his skin. Sitting across from Dean in the Winchesters' motel room felt like a death sentence. Danny couldn't help feeling like he was only going to make things worse.
"Listen, Dean..." Danny started, adjusting to the fact that he hadn't spoken over the other man. He couldn't help but feel like every time he had an issue to discuss with the Winchester family, he kept getting caught off. Danny swallowed thickly, shifting in his seat slightly as he continued. "I'm not trying to make things hard between the two of you... but Sam wants to put some trust in me, so I'm hoping we can make things easier now."
Danny couldn't help feeling like he was in the hot seat as Dean just stared at him for a moment. A million and one thoughts rushing through Danny's mind, edging him to pull back. To try and explain what he was trying to say. But before Danny could explain, Dean suddenly spoke up.
"You lied to us."
Those simple words made Danny feel like his chest was collapsing in. He exhaled, dropping his gaze to the spotty motel carpet. His mind tried to stray from the topic for a moment, but Danny didn't let in. Instead, he straightened his posture, puffy out his chest as he spoke up in his own defense. No one else was going to explain it for Danny, so he had to do it for himself.
"I didn't want to, I really didn't..." Danny started to explain, letting his gaze drop slightly. It felt wrong to try and explain it to Dean, like he was crossing a line he shouldn't. But Danny couldn't handle the way Dean was staring at him with straight hatred. "Once I figured out who your father was... all I could think about was how it could get back to my parents. How you and Sam could suddenly start hating me, and some point I realized I probably would never see you guys again..."
Danny paused, his heart hammering, and thoughts racing through his head. There was so much he could say, so many ways he felt like he could try and turn Dean around. Yet, Danny couldn't bring himself to say half of it. A lot of the words swirling through his mind felt like a lie. An excuse. Not the reason why Danny did what he did. He didn't feel like his lying was excusable, but he wanted Dean to somewhat understand.
"So all I wanted was to enjoy my time with you guys. Both of you, you and Sam, helped me more than I can payback back then... but I never felt truly safe. Not to be completely myself. I wanted to tell you guys, I've talked about it to the few people who knew about my secret, but I couldn't tell you. Even after Sam and I reconnected."
There was a beat of silence. Dean's gaze seeming to burn holes into his skin. Danny wasn't sure what to make of it. Dean's eyes seemed so cold, so hard, so disregarding. Danny just wanted to be swallowed up by this horrible motel bed. It seemed like a running theme for the past couple months of Danny's life. He always wanted to hide, to be invisible, so slide under the radar. Right now, he knew he couldn't. Not right now.
"My parents... they stared at anything with ectoplasm in it's DNA with a pure hatred. Every time I thought about telling Sam about me, I thought about seeing that look in his eyes. Seeing hatred and disgust, and that would break me more than anything else. Even just the thought of you looking at me like Dean, like you are now... I felt like living a lie was easier."
The words tumbled from Danny's lips, his heart hammering, and his core seeming to shrink in out itself. Danny let the words hanged, toward about what else would leave him. He didn't want to make things hard, but he knew Dean needed to be met with the same stubbornness and hard-headedness that he gave out. It was a long shot, but this... this was something Danny was willing to fight for. Even if he didn't realize it until this moment.
Dean was quiet for a long moment, and Danny couldn't help thinking that this was the longest Dean has gone with saying a word in his presence. That thought would have pulled a chuckle from him if the atmosphere didn't feel tense enough to suffocate everyone in the room. Danny swallowed, forcing himself to meet Dean's gaze. the cold, harsh calculating look almost made Danny look away. But he needed to stand his ground. If not for Dean, then for himself.
"I know your hiding something, Danny. I raised a younger brother, I know that look." Dean spoke, his tone hard and gruff, as he seemed to stare into Danny's soul. He couldn't help feeling horrible, because Danny knew he was. This wasn't the full story about how much the other half of his life bled into his human half. But the idea of confessing he was king felt like a death sentence. "But... Sammy wants to trust you. I might not like it, not until I know everything, but I'll be civil, I guess."
The tense in Danny's chest seemed to magically loosen as Dean's response came to an end. It was clear that things weren't completely smoothed over, but Dean was willing to try. That made Danny feel like he could breathe so much easier. A soft exhale leaving him as a good bit of the tense in his muscles released. He knew things weren't going to be perfect, but it felt bearable.
"I... I don't want to lie to you, Dean. Not anymore. I am hiding something, but it's not as bad as you might think. It's largely for my safety, but this. Me being a halfa? It's the most it gets about me being not human. I'm still me, the same boy you met back when I was in high school."
Danny didn't mean to confirm the fact that he was hiding something, that it was true. He didn't want Dean to distrust him anymore than he already did. Yet, the words spilled from Danny's lips before he even realized it. He didn't want to lie to Dean, not outright, not again. His mind flashed back to the few times that Danny and Sam had caught each other in a lie. Reminding himself about what they used to say to each other.
"You don't have to tell me, but don't lie to me."
It felt too real in this moment. Dean seemed like he needed a reason to trust Danny. And the best thing the younger man could think to offer was by telling him that he was hiding something. Danny would never hope for ill will on the Winchesters, but he couldn't blame them for thinking it. Even if it made his heart ache just hearing and seeing it.
"Fine." Dean spoke after a long moment, shrugging his shoulders as he stood from his seat. Danny was surprised by the rush of relief that washed through him at the nonchalant and seemingly relaxed reaction. "I don't trust you, but... we can make this work."
Those words felt like a blessing from the pope himself. Danny couldn't help breaking out into an honest smile. When Dean's own lips perked up into a much smaller smile, Danny couldn't help feeling like they were actually making progress. Maybe, just maybe, Danny could find himself feeling happy again one day.
It was hard for Danny to say goodbye to the brothers once again. As much as he would have liked to follow them on their journey to find their father, Danny knew when he needed to step back. Even if it was hard for him. Neither of the brothers completely trusted him, and Danny needed to work on earning their trust again. Trying to push himself into whatever adventures they had planned was only going to look bad on him.
That's why Danny found himself wallowing back in his motel room. He could easily go back to the Zone, hide away there with his phone until one of the brothers call. But he missed being in the human world, existing among the rest of the living. It was moment like this that Danny couldn't blame the other ghosts from doing the same thing.
Part of Danny really wanted to reach out and call Manson or Foley. To get back into contact with his best friends, the only people in his life he felt like he could be truly himself with. Even when he hid things from them, when he trapped his reality inside himself, Danny couldn't help missing them. There was just something that comforted him different when it came two the two.
His core seemed to ache at just the thought of them. Despite that, Danny found himself struggling to pick up the phone. Even just the idea of showing up on their door steps the way he had for the Winchesters... it was different. Danny wasn't sure if the two of them had moved on with their lives. If Tucker had a partner he was living with, or if Sam had moved in with her girlfriend. Or even if the two of them were still together.
There were too many what ifs, just how things might be in their lives. It made Danny feel too bad to try and dial one of them up. Despite that, Danny found himself staring at the login page for their online chat service. Fingers hovering over the keyboards to type in his old long in. He didn't want to bring this back into their lives, he wanted them to live happy and normal lives.
Yet the pain in his chest, the tightness paired with the stinging in the back of his eyes seemed to be drawing his fingers into typing in that old, familiar login. Danny felt horrible at just thinking about it. He didn't want to stress anyone out, but Danny needed his friends. His human friends that understood him in a way a lot of people didn't. The idea of even thinking about hitting up Jazz felt like breaking a law.
Danny exhaled sharply as the keys clicked beneath his fingers. They wouldn't join in the call, Danny just had a feeling they wouldn't. Why would they? It's been so long, and this was how the three of them use to connected. Even as Danny logged in and looked at his friend list, both Sam and Tucker haven't been active in so long. Long enough that said they quit this site the moment Danny supposed died.
Despite that, Danny found himself clicking into the group chat. His finger hovering over the video call function on the chat, debating around clicking it or not. Danny felt tears pooling in his eyes, threatening to fall over at the drop of a pin. He swallowed thickly, letting his finger drop heavily onto the key. The click of it sounded like yet another death sentence, but Danny couldn't help giving in.
Even as he stared at the video of his own face, heard the familiar ringing tone that filled the silence of the motel. He didn't think he could do this, part of him thought to click out. To just go into his settings and delete the account completely. He couldn't do this, he truly couldn't. His heart and core ached with each chime of the sound, his chest feeling tighter and tighter.
He didn't even realize when the tears started to streak down his cheeks. It's only been a couple of seconds, yet Danny felt like it was a lifetime. He choke sound left the back of his throat, his gaze dropping to his lap as he let his head thump harshly against the desk. Who was he kidding? He was alone now, there was no one in this space for him.
Danny still tried to cling to the hope of having a community. A community outside of just the Zone, an anchor in both of the lives he lived. To have his best friends beside him like he once had. For once, he felt like he didn't cherish what had before. Before the accident, not just the portal one, but the one with same. Danny felt like he didn't give as much as took with his friends.
But the moment the ringing suddenly stopped, Danny's eyes immediately jumped to the screen of his laptop. His heart hammering as he watched not just one, but two green dots appear. He felt himself crumble, surprisingly hopeful eyes glued to the video screen as the pixels rearranged on screen. Two separate images filled up before Danny's gaze.
Two people that Danny was certain looked as equally shocked and relieved as he did. His lungs seemed to stop functioning completely, his gaze flipping between brown eyes and amethyst eyes. But it was a sight that Danny recognized, even with slightly more aged expressions behind them. All Danny could think about was how good it felt to see them again. To be in a video chat like this once again. And as a voice broke the stun silence, Danny couldn't stopped the choked sob that forced its way out of his throat.
"Danny!?"