Chapter Eight

Aria

Likely because I had been drinking, I wasn't surprised by the fact that I woke up the next morning before the sun had even come out to spread light across my bedroom. For a moment, I just curled into my side and rubbed my eyes as I tried to will the sleepiness away but nothing did quite the job like realizing that I had fallen asleep the night before with a man sprawled across my floor beside me.

With widened eyes, I sprang upright in bed and peered over the edge of my bed to find the space now empty, nothing more than a folded blanket with a pillow rested on top. It was strange to me that both relief and concern spread over me at the sight—I'd imagine that this was how people felt after hooking up with someone who left before they woke up. I just had to do a little more convincing myself into believing that the concern that I felt had more to do with the idea of him sharing what we had talked about last night with someone more than if he made it home safe. I wasn't even that drunk, I don't know why I shared any of that with someone that I don't even trust and now I had to live with the worry that he would bring it up in conversation to entertain other people.

With a groan, I stood up from my bed and trudged my way into the bathroom to shower and get ready for the day even though I had hours before I had to be anywhere. When I came back into my bedroom, dressing myself in a silk tank top and shorts for now, I caught sight of my phone lighting up.

With furrowed brows, I walked over to my bedside table, picking up my phone and raising a brow when I read the message from a contact that I certainly did not remember saving—Paul Lahote.

"Thanks for letting me stay the night." The text said. Then, as I opened the message, two more came through.

"This is Paul by the way."

"Also, why don't you have a passcode on your phone?"

Rolling my eyes, I chose not to respond. I didn't ask for the direct line of conversation between the two of us anyway and I didn't give him permission to access my phone. I think a typical woman my age would be frustrated with the invasion of privacy but there was nothing on my phone that I wouldn't want for my younger siblings to see. That was the reason that I didn't have the passcode in the first place. If for some reason I wasn't with him, I had taught Noah how to call Ben on my phone, it also just helped to give the kid a phone when he was bored while I was busy with other things.

With the decision made to not acknowledge my phone for now, I left my room and headed down the stairs to the kitchen to have some coffee but when I rounded the corner of the living room to see the orange light of the dining room on, I considered quietly turning back around to go back to my room. Based on how early in the morning it was, I could only imagine that dad was awake. I braved it out though, walking into the space and finding him sitting at the dining table by himself with a cup of coffee in his hands.

"You're up early." He commented as he watched me walk past him into the kitchen space to grab a mug and pour myself coffee from what was left of what he had already made.

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep anymore." I acknowledged and then hesitantly joined him at the table seating myself a chair away from him while he watched me from the head of the table. "Why are you up this early?" I asked.

The man gave me a half smile and sighed, shrugging his shoulders. "I haven't always been the best sleeper." He admitted. "Too many things on my mind I guess. At least now, I don't spend my hours awake at night wondering about you guys."

At his comment about us, I looked away from him and down at my coffee mug for a moment until I finally lifted it to my lips and took a few sips. When I set it down, I found myself unable to find my conversational filter. "You say things like that but I have a hard time believing it." I said truthfully.

"You have a hard time believing that I care about my own children?" He questioned but he didn't sound upset with me for saying it. When my eyes lifted again to meet his, he was watching me with something akin to both understanding and hurt.

"Well, yeah. You were never there." I insisted, feeling the hurt myself, which squeezed at my throat and threatening to climb out of it in the form of a sob.

As I watched him, he nodded in acknowledgement, dropping his deep brown eyes momentarily as he seemed to search for the right thing to say. "I understand why you feel that way. I-I know that it isn't the right excuse to say—and I don't want for you to think that I'm excusing what happened in any way but truthfully, I was young and I didn't know what the right thing to do was when it came to the situation between me and your mother."

"I think that the right thing to do would have been to fight for us if you really cared." I said, pulling my knees to my chest in my chair and wrapping my arms around them to hug myself so that this uncomfortable conversation could be just a tad bit bearable. "Mom said that you were always gone when you were together and then you left us to go away with her and she was… she was horrible. It was like she didn't even want to be a mother sometimes. I… I hated her. "

"You have no idea how hard I tried to fight for your mother—for you and your brothers too." He insisted evenly. "Something… happened to your mother, a little after she had Ben. She was hurt by someone and I think that she blamed me for that. I think that she felt like it would have never happened if she hadn't met me and moved here with me. It became an impossible situation Aria, she didn't feel safe here, she didn't trust me and that distrust extended to everyone here. I could see that it affected you and Ben and I couldn't sand seeing you guys like that, two children locked inside of the house, watching all of the other kids play. I felt like the right thing to do was to let you all go because I love you but it's been hard. Hearing you say that you hate her… that's hard too because I think that's all my fault. The woman that she was before… you would have loved her."

Hearing all of this from my father's perspective was a lot to take in. I believed him of course, because it made sense. My mother being suddenly paranoid and mistrusting of everyone here at the reservation and us being secluded. It even made sense to me based on the way that he spoke of her that she seemed to have nothing good to say about her father while he spoke so highly of her. The only thing that I was curious about now was what exactly had happened to my mother in the first place. Before I could ask though, he was speaking again.

"I'm so sorry Aria." He said, his tone taking on true hurt. "I'm sorry that I wasn't there. I'm sorry that you felt unloved. I'm sorry that you had to be the one to find her." He said and when I noticed that tears seemed to be rising in his eyes, I found my own eyes growing wet as well. To keep myself from letting out a horrible sob, I looked away from him and toward the wall. "I can't change the past, I can only do my best to be there for you guys now."

"What about Noah?" I asked suddenly, trying to think of anything to keep me from breaking down. "How did Noah come to be?"

The question seemed to surprise the man, and he leaned back into his chair, his hands flattening on the table. I could tell by his focus on the wooden table that he was also trying to hold himself together too, his Adam's apple bobbing before he spoke again. "There was a moment that she started to change. I think that being away from here was making her feel better and so she started reaching out to me again. I loved her Aria, it was hard to stay away but I felt that I couldn't push too hard on being around because it made her nervous. I think that when she got pregnant again and he came out looking so much like me it triggered everything all over again. Which was devastating for me because I felt that I was so close to having a family again. I know that you've been worried about what people think of you here but…I'm basically living proof that us Lark's are strong. I've lived here ever since she's been gone and gotten all of the looks of sympathy, concern, been the topic of gossip plenty of times and I'm still here."

As horrible as it may have sounded, hearing him say that was the first time that I had considered that my father may have been negatively impacted by the loss of us. After mom left him, the first thing that came to my mind was that he let us leave and even though I was a child at the time, it felt ridiculous now to not even have considered a new perspective after all of this time.

"I'm sorry that I've been so… standoffish with you." I stated, only now feeling like I could finally open up to the man that sat with me.

Immediately, dad was shaking his head. "You have every right to be. I considered that you may have been uncomfortable being here with me. I also considered that you may have been somewhat upset with me for both, not having been there all of this time and for taking the boys. You have to understand why I took the boys, right? It's not fair that you had to give up your life to be their guardian. If I would have known that things were the way that they were… I would have fought for you guys much earlier."

"You couldn't have known." I said, shaking my head. "I was the one that was dodging all of your calls and I made sure that Ben didn't say a word about our situation. Maybe I'm the reason that we all suffered for no reason."

Instead of accepting that as an answer, he shook his head again, this time leaning forward and stealing one of my hands away from my coffee mug to take it into his, squeezing it and making me realize that it was a gesture that I actually found comforting. "We can both blame ourselves as much as we want but I don't think it's going to change what already happened. Can we just agree to a clean slate? Agree to learn how to trust one another?"

"I can agree to that." I said, smiling softly at him as I squeezed his hand back in return.

As I walked home from the bakery tonight, I was suddenly quite pleased by the idea that Ben was seemingly growing out of his clothes day by day because it meant that I benefited by earning nice pieces of oversized clothing, such as the green Carhartt jacket that he got earlier this month that now protected me from the chill in the air. I never thought I would be the sibling receiving hand-me-downs but I couldn't pass on the article of clothes, especially after seeing how well they went with my pair of green converse.

For seemingly the first time in weeks, I didn't end up running into Sam, Jared, or Paul while working my shift which left me strangely curious as to what they were up to. I didn't know why I particularly cared considering that I typically dreaded seeing Paul walk through the door of the establishment but I was able to convince myself that it was because I was itching to know if he had told anyone about the night that he spent at my house. Based on my conversation with Emily today, I could assume that he didn't and even though I somehow managed to escape a scolding from Paul about leaving in the middle of the night, Emily took over in that department, noting that I could have gotten seriously hurt.

At this point, I was beginning to wonder if there was some sort of silent serial killer on the loose in the area considering how worried everyone seemed to be about something happening to me in a place where there seemed to be no crime.

"I sincerely wish that you didn't insist on walking everywhere you go." I heard from beside me, turning my head and seeing Paul in the driver's seat of his truck that he had slowed to my pace.

"I'm genuinely becoming concerned that you're stalking me." I said as I walked beside his truck. I felt like the reasonable reaction to seeing him should have been annoyance but that feeling never came. Still, I folded my arms across my chest to feign irritation because I didn't like that I was slowly growing curious of this man or that he was slowly beginning to invade my thoughts.

"You certainly would make it easy." He commented, leaning over to pop the door open just like the first time that we ended up in this exact predicament. "I was actually on my way to pick you up. Get in." He stated as if those words were the most normal words either one of us could have said to the other.

"You were on your way to pick me up? Why?" I asked, my stride stopping as I turned my body to face him in my state of surprise.

"You said that you want to get to see the cities around the area. I'm taking you to Port Angeles." He said and as if on cue after watching my brows lift in surprise, he continued on. "I was thinking that it could be a thank you of sorts. For not making me walk home in the cold last night." He explained even though pretty much every time I saw this man, he seemed to be underdressed for the weather, such as now where he sat in a fitted black, short sleeve shirt.

I watched him hesitantly as I gripped the strap of my bag. Instantly, I was running over a million excuses. He shouldn't feel obligated to drive me around to thank me. I would be late for dinner if I left with him. Ben had been acting weird lately and I felt like it had something to do with me not being home as much between work and making friends here. Considering that he was still asleep when I'd left for work earlier this morning, I still needed to talk to him and figure out what happened last night.

"You can't just put your own life on hold because your brothers are having to adapt to new experiences, Aria. It's not fair to you." Paul's words from last night played over again in my head.

It was with that thought and the sound of a car honking as it had to slow to a stop behind Paul's truck that I made the quick decision to get into the passenger seat of his car, closing the door and bucking me seatbelt. Once I set my bag on the floor beside my feet and he began to drive again, I looked over at him. "I don't really believe you." I said after a moment of driving in silence.

In response, the quiet man glanced over at me with a raised brow before turning his attention back on the road again. I truly didn't understand this man. He had gone out of his way to do this and he couldn't as much as try and find conversation with me?

"I don't believe that you are doing this as a thank you." I explained.

"I was going into Port Angeles anyway. You were so willing to go with Jared that I figured that it wouldn't hurt to ask. I guess as it turns out, Jared was the thing that you were interested in, not the city." He said, the last of his words coming out more clipped than his first as his hands lightly trembled on the steering wheel. I suddenly worried that I'd made a mistake getting myself into this situation but it was too late to do anything about it now as we passed a sign indicating us that we were now leaving La Push.

"Why were you heading into Port Angeles?" I asked, choosing not to play into his words. I knew that it would only lead us further into awkward territory.

"I just needed a break." He said shortly, as he focused his complete attention on the road. From where I sat, he looked so tense that I couldn't help but to believe him. It made me run my thoughts over the previous night to try and remember if he was just as tense but with alcohol clouding my judgement at the time, I couldn't remember now.

"Is something going on?" I asked, shifting in my seat just a little so that I could show him that I was listening. He in turn, continued to keep his eyes away from mine.

"I don't think most people enjoy talking about things while they're trying to get a break from them." He said flatly.

Paul was frustrating. Likely one of the most frustrating people that I had ever been around. He he was hot and cold with me constantly and after the night that we had, I felt completely exposed to him while I'd realized that I knew next to nothing about him at all.

I refused to give Paul the satisfaction of begging him for an answer, so instead, I leaned into my seat, turning my attention out of the window as endless numbers of trees eventually gave way to small establishments. We had driving for so long in silence that the sound of his voice again caught me by surprise.

"You're being quiet." He said after a while, stating the obvious to me.

"I'm thinking." I said even though I was reluctant to say anything at all to him. Still, I stood my ground by not looking away from my window.

"About?"

When I turned to narrow my eyes at him in my frustration, I could see that he had now taken to given me the time of day by glancing over at me. I hated that I let him get to me but he just knew under my skin. "About why it is that you hate me but then go out of your way to do things like this." I said, gesturing to the car and the city around us.

"I don't hate you." He said defensively and it felt like the first time since I've met him that he sounded as though there was any emotion behind any of his actions. He furrowed his brows as his grip tightened on the steering wheel and after a moment, he finally let out a sigh and glanced from the highway, over to me, then back at the highway. "I'm not good at this. Opening up and all of that."

"You don't say." I said incredulously.

"Smart ass." He said, smirking softly to himself. All that I could do was watch the man in disbelief. Was he suddenly the Paul that was in a good mood? The Paul from the night before? "You never texted me back this morning." He said suddenly, likely trying to change the topic of conversation.

Honestly, if it meant that I didn't have to spend the rest of the evening in discomfort, I was more than willing to distract us from fighting. "I was too busy trying to wrap my mind around the idea that you took it upon yourself to see if you could get into my phone."

"Well, I could considering that there wasn't a passcode. You know, you'd expect at least one or two scandalous pictures on someone's phone-,"

"Stop it!" I said, unable to keep in the gasp that left me or the blush that warmed my cheeks. He apparently couldn't keep himself from chuckling. "Did you really go into my phone for that?"

"Well, not for that but since you were snoring I figured that I had some time." He said with a smirk, his frame visibly growing less tense as I rolled my eyes.

"I do not snore." I scoffed, trying not to laugh. "And I'm glad that you didn't find anything, you're a perv."

In this rare moment of laughter with Paul, I didn't even notice that we had pulled into a parking spot until he cut the engine of the truck. Curiously, I looked out of the window to see where we were at and found that he'd brought us to an Italian restaurant. "I thought that we were going to walk around the city?" I questioned, watching as he got out of the car. Eager to hear his response, I followed after, getting out of the passenger seat and closing the door behind myself.

"I'm hungry." He said simply, leading me up to the entrance and opening the door for me. It was only now that I was realizing that this was the first time that I'd seen this man in jeans. While he still wasn't quite dressed for the weather, he looked nice. With another roll of my eyes, I followed him to the host. "Reservation for Lahote." Paul said, causing for my brows to furrow in confusion.

It wasn't until we were seated at a table for two in the lowly lit restaurant that I had a terrifying realization that made my palms sweat slightly as I watched Paul flip through a menu. "Paul, this place seems kind of expensive." I commented, glancing down at the menu that I'd yet to touch.

"You don't have to worry about the price of it. I'm paying." He said, glancing up at me. It was exactly the response that I was afraid of.

"It's just that this… it kind of feels like it's a date or something." I said, the hesitation obvious in my tone of voice.

"It can be an 'or something' if that makes you feel more comfortable." He said, setting down his menu as we watched me as if he was suddenly unsure of his own actions. I don't know why but his response made me feel bad. Like I was rejecting him even though I had never been asked on this date to begin with.

Under his heavy gaze, I felt exposed. Heat warmed my cheeks again and in order to have anything else to stare at other than into his eyes, I immediately blinked and turned my attention down to the menu that rested not he table in front of me.

I suddenly felt hyperaware of everything. I wasn't dressed appropriately for a date, I was wearing jeans and a tank top beneath a green jacket and I had literally just left work. I didn't even know what the right topics of conversation were for a date or seen any signs that Paul would have even brought me out on one considering that boys were never a topic of conversation between my mother and I. I didn't have the time to date when I was dealing with my brothers.

With a sigh, Paul set down his menu and leaned back in his chair, shaking his head. "I messed it up." He concluded and I immediately shook my head struggling with doing my best to not hurt his feelings while also trying not to panic. I had all of the control right now but I had no idea what to do with it.

"No, you didn't! I just…" I paused uncertain of what words to use. "Normally people ask people on dates."

"You would have said no." He debated and he was correct. Considering our interactions, I never thought that I would be sitting across from him at a nice restaurant like this.

"Only because people normally ask people that they actually like out on dates. Did Emily tell you to do this?" I asked, feeling like I was getting whiplash from this man by this point.

"I do like you. Emily has nothing to do with this." He said, furrowing his brows. "We should just go back to La Push. This was a stupid idea." He said, immediately pushing his chair back. The trembling from the car earlier was back in an instant, most prevalent in his arms. Before he could lift himself from his seat I rushed out to grab his hand, causing for his eyes to drop to our connected hands and his trembling to immediately stop before he glanced up to meet my eyes. For a second, it seemed like we were the only two in the establishment, me holding onto his warm hand trying to keep him from leaving.

"It's not a stupid idea." I insisted as he watched me, clearly much more guarded than he was when this date began. "Really! I want to do this."

I felt like I had completely destroyed the mood by the point. In an attempt to seem convincing, I finally let go of his hand and picked up my menu to quickly glance over the options that we had. "The eggplant parmesan sounds really nice." I offered. "What do you think that you'll have?"

"I don't really know, I don't think I'm all that hungry anymore."

"Paul, Please."

Because he was no longer insisting on leaving, I allowed for the silence that fell over us for a moment to be just that. It continued on until our waiter came over, taking our drink orders, followed by our food order and once our menus were gone, Paul's eyes settled on me again and I did my best to seem eager for this experience by giving him a small smile.

"I really do wish that I was more like Jared." Paul said, seemingly out of the blue. Jared being the topic of conversation now worried me because that tension was back in Paul, I could see it in how rigid he looked from across the table. "He's charming. Everyone likes's him. You like him. I'm sure he wouldn't find himself in a position like this."

"I like Jared as a person, Paul. As a friend." I explained. "I think that I would be equally as stunned if he randomly brought me to a restaurant and told me that it was a date too."

"Well, at least you like him at all." He countered.

"I like you…sometimes." I added, despite my attempts at deescalation. "I like you when you're not glaring at me across rooms or giving me the cold shoulder."

"I'm not good at emotions." He said for the second time tonight. "I'm not good at explaining myself."

"Well, I have no clue what's going on inside of your head if you don't tell me anything." I insisted, then I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed softly. "I don't feel like it's fair for me to be the target of your anger every time you're feeling something that you don't want to talk about."

"I know." He said shortly, turning his gaze away from the table to look across the room.

"I'm not good at this either. Getting close to someone scares me too." I admitted. "I haven't exactly been on any dates before."

"Never?" He asked curiously, turning his attention back to me.

"I've spent all of my time worrying over my little brothers. I guess that I kind of grew to be okay with the idea that I could be happy alone if it meant that my brothers went on to live great lives."

"I figured that I would be alone too." Paul admitted. "I come with too much baggage for someone to want to put up with."

"If you have too much baggage then, I'm right there with you." I said, smiling softly at the thought that he was finally opening up to me about something.

A/n: I feel like this was my most eventful chapter yet lol. Anyway, thank you guys for the love on this story. Please continue to favorite, follow, and leave reviews!