Standing on the Ledge

A/N: this scene has mentions of self-harm. Reader discretion advised

"Po, I want to ask you something," Tigress said one day at Mr. Ping's shop. The others were busily eating while this happened. Tai Lung argued with Monkey about some topic the panda no longer had any interest in. Shifu whispered with Mr. Ping and Li Shan about some bet or wager. He did hear his name a couple of times. Were they talking about him? He shook his head.

Right, he was talking with Tigress right now. "I'm sorry, what was that?"

"I wanted to ask something. Lately, you've been staring at the Peach Tree a lot."

"Huh? What makes you say that?"

"Well, it's just... there's only one thing over there," Tigress explained. Po couldn't control his body from his sudden shaking. Tigress's eyes widened. Her friend's nervous eye darts and gritted teeth frightened her. His hand shook as he struggled to fake a cough.

"Oh just stuff. Don't worry about it. It's nothing."

"Po, what's wrong?"

"I... I don't want to talk about it."

"Po, wait," Tigress quickly grabbed the panda's arm, preventing him from moving without toppling the plate of food in his hand. "I... I didn't mean to upset you."

"What's wrong?" Viper asked, calling everyone's attention to Po. Now he couldn't escape. Po and Tigress shared a glance. The feline stared worriedly at him, though she could see the sweat forming on his forehead. What could cause this kind of reaction? Po shut his eyes.

"I... can't. Not right now. It's just... a lot."

"Po, please. We're your friends and family. I-We just want to make sure you're okay," Tigress said calmly.

"And if you don't want us to worry, you might want to come clean," Tai Lung said with a small smirk.

"Twisting my arm isn't going to work, you rejected has-been! Not with this!" Po shouted.

Tai Lung's eyes couldn't have been any wider. Never in Po's life had he insulted someone like that. Po hotly glared the snow leopard down and gnash his teeth. The panda looked at the shocked and worried faces around him. He sighed.

What was the point of hiding?

He sat down and stared at a semi-empty plate before him. Their eyes quietly stayed on him, waiting for something to come out. "Tigress... asked why I keep looking at the Peach Tree lately."

"What happened there to make you react like this?" Crane asked.

The tiger next to Po rested her hand on his. The panda shut his eyes. His voice was raspy and broken, the others could barely hear. "It... doesn't happen anymore, but... before I became the Dragon Warrior, I really didn't like myself. But... around that time... I dealt with a lot of... sad stuff. And I... I couldn't see through it, sometimes." He looked up at the Jade Palace in the distance, frowning. "I must have looked at that building a thousand times but... I never thought I would get there. But then, Oogway picked me. For a moment, I thought things would change but... I was the same old me. The same person that... didn't want to exist... or live."

He heard Viper gasp and felt Tigress's grip tighten on his hand. "Getting to the Jade Palace," He continued, "I figured I could really change who I was... or find a way to stop bothering everyone with my existence. But I couldn't. I went to the Peach Tree. I didn't know anything about it, but... for a moment, looking over that cliff, I thought I could end it all. I thought about jumping," He had the audacity to chuckle through the tears streaming down his face. "After Master Shifu kicked me down the stairs, I realized that my 'Po luck' wouldn't let that happen. But at that moment on the cliff... I couldn't jump. I couldn't do that to my dad and part of me knew that I couldn't do that to you guys. I decided that... I would shoot two apples with one arrow. If I die trying to be the Dragon Warrior, then I would have died doing something I love."

"But-" Shifu had to clear the emotions choking his throat. "If you were there to... why did you run when Tai Lung escaped?"

"It became too real all of a sudden. I... was afraid. I couldn't do it." Po shut his eyes. A heavy weight on his body suddenly lifted and he breathed. It broke into a hitch. The old pain was unearthed, released from his grasp. He didn't have to carry it to his grave anymore. But guilt suddenly swirled into his mind. "I'm so sorry, guys. I... I didn't want to worry you like this. I just... I couldn't do it. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He buried his head into his arms barely registering Tigress's embrace as he cried. Tears fell down his cheeks while Mr. Ping, Li Shan, and Viper joined his side. His tear-blurry eyes couldn't see them, but he could feel them. The comforting smell of Mr. Ping's feathers, the gentle hiss of Viper near his left leg. Tigress never left her spot. She tightly hugged him from above as best she could. He assumed all of them were hugging him right now. "I'm... sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you like this... but..."

"Oh son," Mr. Ping sniffled. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was... scared, Dad. I just... I didn't want you to worry. And I didn't want to seem ungrateful. You're an amazing Dad and none of this was your fault. But..." He couldn't find the words. Not right now. Too many emotions.

"Po," Tigress spoke with the care of an aged parent. "Never apologize for telling us what worries you. Or what scares you."

"We're here because of you, Po," Shifu said standing next to Tigress and Tai Lung. "Whether you believe it or not, we're here because you exist. For that, we will always be grateful to you."

The panda's red stained eyes sniffled as he saw everyone around him with a warm smile. He shut his eyes for a second and cried with a kind of sad laughter. He stretched his arms around as many of them as he could, "Thank you, guys. Thank you."

Po felt incredibly much better after that. Though he often showed others how to believe in themselves, he knew now that he could lean on others when he was weak.

Time passed slowly after that. Po noticed that the others were more 'tolerant' around him. He knew they'd try their best to not treat him too differently, but it showed: Longer times spent with him, longer walks or activities with him. He was always doing something that involved the others and rarely had time to himself. Something he was beginning to miss. He couldn't quite figure out why, but he noticed they were happier with him around. Genuinely happier. It gave him a sense of peace that he didn't know he needed.

Later, Shifu steeped the tea in his room, staring grimly at the murky water. The big panda came into his room and gave a short bow. "You wanted to see me, Master Shifu?"

"Please, Po. Sit."

The ursine warrior sat at the low table that held two full teacups. "Master Shifu, if this is about what I said a week ago, I-"

"It is, but... not in the way you think," Shifu replied. The red panda passed a scroll over to the large bear. The scroll looked old and yet familiar.

Po narrowed his eyes. "Is this one of the scrolls we found under the Hall of Heroes? The one about the Dragon Warrior before Master Oogway?" Shifu nodded. Po unfurled the scroll and scanned through it. His eyes slowly widened while his mouth dropped. "Is... is this real?" He asked. Shifu nodded. "It's... it's thought for thought what I was thinking about when I was at the Peach Tree that night."

"That's what I was afraid of. I'm not sure why or who wrote those scrolls, but I am glad they did. Maybe something to prevent the next Dragon Warrior from experiencing similar trials," Shifu sighed. "Po. I can not apologize enough for putting you through so much needless pain. And the Furious Five's actions towards you were only a mirror of mine." He took a breath. "And now... with the truth out, I'm starting to realize the pain I put on you isn't particular."

"Master?"

The red panda stood up and slowly paced over to the wall where a poster of Master Oogway stood. The tortoise wore a large smile waving at some unknown person. At times, Shifu thought he was waving to him from the Spirit Realm. "I thought I could be the greatest teacher in all of China after Master Oogway told me I was destined to train the Dragon Warrior. He told me this a year before Tai Lung showed up at my door. I... raised Tai Lung improperly and I placed all my expectations, joys, hopes, and fears into him. But... he wasn't the one. I was... so ashamed of myself, that... I swore to myself I wouldn't train someone like that again. I was afraid."

"And that's when Tigress came?"

"Yes," Shifu turned back to the table and sat down. The steam from his teacup slithered into the air before disappearing. Shifu closed his eyes and took a deep sigh, if only painful memories could leave the same way. "I was... hurt, pained, jaded. I never really realized that... I shared Tai Lung's anger and hatred."

"For who?"

"The world. Life. Fate. The Universe," Shifu bowed his head. "Even for Master Oogway."

"I guess I didn't help."

"Actually, you forced me to see the problem for myself. I tried to make Tai Lung exactly like me and I somewhat succeeded. That's the problem. Honestly, the way Tai Lung reacted is probably the same way I would react. That's why I was frustrated even with Master Oogway, but... I couldn't admit that to myself."

"And Tigress?" Po asked, squinting his eyes.

An air of defeat circled around Shifu, "I often wonder how she's not doing worse than I thought. I wasn't confident that I could make her into the warrior she needed to be. But... it wasn't until she became a part of the Furious Five that I realized I was making the same mistake with her that I made with Tai Lung. I was trying to make her into me."

A noise exited his lips that Po interpreted as a laugh. "With you, I find that I have to completely throw myself out of the equation. That's why when you first came, it felt like a... violent murder of everything I held dear."

"Wow, thanks for making me feel better," Po muttered.

"But... I needed it. If I didn't go through that, I would've spent the rest of my days trying to make you and everyone into something they weren't," Shifu chuckled, "You said that I was the greatest Kung Fu teacher in all of China. If that's the case, then China is in great danger."

"Master Shifu, don't doubt your skills. Besides, I'm not the easiest person to teach. Ms. Qin spent five years teaching me how to make those action figures."

Shifu's bushy eyebrows rose. "Five years?!"

"Hey, I'm a late bloomer, okay?" Po huffed. "The point is my... issues shouldn't make you doubt yourself."

"But it has. And in light of everything, it's only confirmed my previous thoughts."

"Which are?"

"I'm... backing away from the responsibilities of the Jade Palace. I want you to take over being in charge of the Jade Palace and training. Think of this as my way of atoning for how I treated you, though it doesn't even scratch the surface."

"Absolutely no way."

"Po."

"Master Shifu, you messed up. It's okay. I mess up all the time."

"Your accidents don't cause lasting trauma."

"You sure? Because it seemed to do that with you when I was chosen."

Shifu opened his mouth but found no words to disprove the panda. He shook his head. "That's beside the point."

"We still need you, Master Shifu. Please. You made some mistakes. We all have. But we can't run from our mistakes. It's what happens afterwards that makes the difference. You taught me that," Po smiled.

Shifu smiled back, "Then I have taught you well."

"Now, why don't we finish this tea?" Po grinned. "Is this jasmine?"

"The finest." The two pandas sipped their tea while two pairs of pointed ears listened from the master's window. The striped feline nodded at the spotted one and the two left before they were noticed. Crossing their arms much like their foster father, they stared into the ground.

"What now?" Tai Lung asked.

Tigress gave a great sigh, "I don't know. Even if Master Shifu stays here, we-I have much to change. Well, at least I can change for the better."

"Watch it, Kitten," Tai Lung smirked. "But what about Po?"

"He'll be fine. With us around to help him, he'll be okay," Tigress smiled, "I know it."

Continued...