No Secret
The snow leopard had his head on his crossed arms while the smiling little panda played with her toys across the table. Staring at him, she tilted her head. "Why do you look like that?"
"Like what?" Tai Lung grunted.
"Like you're always angry?" She said.
"Must be my heritage."
"Tai Lung," Tigress grunted from the kitchen. "No subtle insults around Lei Lei." Tai Lung rolled his eyes and gave a long huff of air that made the panda giggle. Tigress worked at Mr. Ping's shop to help with the food. Though she didn't need to, she still felt sorry for the starvation incident. The goose told her again and again that she didn't need to repay him like this, but the stubborn tiger wouldn't have it.
Of course, it did help that working there allowed her to try new cooking ideas, which Mr. Ping wasn't always excited about. Three burnt noodles, five WAAAY too spicy tofu dishes, and two boiled onions that made good broth were the results of her experimentation. But she learned and adapted quickly, sometimes much quicker than Po who was helping his dad as well. Mr. Ping smirked as he watched the two working in his kitchen.
"Are you sure you're not a little jealous?" the goose teased.
"Whaaaaat no," Po scoffed while the tiger quietly tittered. "I'm just... helping you out. You know, more father-son time."
"Then why aren't you with Li Shan?"
"You know what I mean, Dad."
Mr. Ping laughed. He couldn't stay mad. Two free workers eager to help? What more could a person ask for? His eye turned to the snow leopard boredly watching the small panda in the shop.
"Eh, Tigress? Tell me again why you're letting him watch innocent little Lei Lei."
The tiger rose her eyebrow, "Because I'm right here. And you're one to talk."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"From what Po has told us, you've left him in more... questionable company," Tigress smirked.
"What questionable company?"
"Just some... very strange female cooks."
"Oh you mean Mama Yun's brothel?" Mr. Ping argued.
Tigress's and Po's eyes dropped open. The panda nearly dropped the plate he held. "Wait, you know who Mama Yun is?" Po exclaimed.
"Of course, I do. You don't smell like perfume and incense when cooking, Po."
"Then why didn't you say anything!"
"Well... uhh... I... uh..." Mr. Ping stumbled, waving away the question with his wing. "It's nothing really."
"Wait," Li Shan spoke up from the back, "Isn't Yun friends with Ms. Ai? That woman you've been getting letters from."
"WHAT?!"
"LI SHAN!"
"Sorry, sorry," The older panda retreated to his station.
"Well, that explains why she keeps asking about you," Po sighed. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I... didn't know how you would react," Mr. Ping grinned.
The panda groaned, getting some flour on his face. "I feel so... betrayed."
"Now you know how I felt," Tigress added. The panda rolled his eyes at her smirk.
"Well since that's out of the bag," Po sighed.
"Good. Now back to you. Why are you letting him babysit?"
"I'm not, Mr. Ping. And Tai Lung is... different. He's... aimless right now. And his only source of entertainment seems to be your son and me, so we're stuck with him. Besides, I can see Lei Lei right in front of me," Tigress said.
"So? Po was always in front of me and ate half the kitchen." The serious stare on the goose showed her he wasn't exaggerating.
"But he turned out... well... I'm sure that Lei Lei will be fine," Tigress replied.
"I'm right here, you know," Po muttered.
Tai Lung boredly stared at the little panda girl playing with her dolls. Or action figures. Whatever Po called them. "Tai Tai?"
"Hm? What did you call me?"
"Tai Tai?"
"My name is Tai Lung," The snow leopard corrected.
"That's what I said."
"No, it's... ugh," Tai Lung groaned.
"Why do you always look so angry and mean?"
"Because I am angry and mean."
"Why?"
"Because... things don't go my way," Tai Lung grumbled.
"Like what?"
The snow leopard glanced over his shoulder towards the kitchen. Po and Tigress were arguing with the goose about some cooking-related issues. "You see Po?" Tai Lung whispered.
"Mhm?"
"I was supposed to have his job and protect the village."
"But you do that, don't you?"
"No, his job is better."
"Hm?"
"He gets unlimited power and strength beyond your little imagination," Tai Lung smirked, gently petting Lei Lei on the head.
"Wow! Like what?!"
"Well, that power can let him punch through walls, command villages to stop fighting, go up against the mightiest warriors and villains. And it will get him all the attention and glory that you could ever think of. Or at least... that's what the legends told me," The snow leopard murmured. After discovering the truth of the Dragon scroll, nothing about the Dragon Warrior title made sense, but he still held onto something. Exactly what, he didn't know.
The little panda tilted her head, blinking her big blue eyes. "What's gory?"
"Glory. Fame, praise, it's... it's when you do something amazing and everyone tells you it's amazing. They clap and cheer for what you do. It's a special feeling of happiness and pride," Tai Lung explained.
"Oh," Lei Lei's enthusiasm fell, and she returned to her dolls. Tai Lung's head jerked back at the change in tone. "Master Tigess already has that."
"What? No, she doesn't."
"Yeah she does. She punches walls, stops people fighting, and everyone says she's amazing."
"The Dragon Warrior title is different."
"How?"
"It's... It's..." Tai Lung blinked and stared into nothingness. The sounds of the shop faded away slightly. A string knotted two vastly different things in his head. His mouth slightly dropped. "Huh." He slowly got up. "I'll be right back."
"Okay, bye Mr. Tai Tai."
"It's... never mind," Tai Lung walked out of the shop without the cooking trio noticing.
Po dipped the ladle into the pot and pulled out the concoction, letting Tigress and Mr. Ping sample it. "Well?"
"A little... hmmm. It's good. It's good," Mr. Ping smiled.
"Could use some pepper."
"No!" The goose quacked at the tiger. "You are banned from spicy things." The roll of Tigress's eyes caused her to find Lei Lei playing by herself.
"Where's Tai Lung?"
"Huh? He was here a moment ago," Po said.
"Good riddance. My customers start to leave when he's around."
"Mr. Ping," Tigress said sternly, "Try to be a little forgiving and nice."
"I never said I was a nice person. Hmm. I still don't trust him."
"Po?"
"I'm not getting involved with that," Po muttered, tending to the pot.
The snow leopard's feet trudged up familiar stony steps, working by muscle memory. Opening the Hall of Heroes, he looked up at the mystical golden dragon guarding the sacred scroll by its teeth. He clenched and relaxed his fist, sighing into the cold jade room.
He couldn't voice what kept him there. The crippling silence of the hall, the weight on his shoulders and heart, or the fact he couldn't move or say anything at the moment. He just couldn't.
No, he wouldn't.
He sighed and sat in front of the Moon Pool, still staring at the dragon above. The cold jade floor against his fur did little to steal his gaze away.
"Hmm, I didn't expect to see you here," said a voice. Tai Lung didn't bother to turn his head. He heard the little padded footsteps standing next to him. "What are you doing here?"
Tai Lung took a deep breath and shut his eyes. "Can I ask a favor of you... Master Shifu?"
Shifu blinked and narrowed his eyes. His former student hardly called him Master anymore. "It depends."
"May I... see the Dragon Warrior scroll?"
"Why?"
"I... I want to see something. And... tell you something," Tai Lung somberly said. His ears were down, his whole body weighed to the ground. Shifu hadn't seen him like this before. Logic and experience would've told him not to give him the scroll. Shifu looked up at the golden dragon.
The secret of the scroll wasn't secret now. By this time, Po had shown the scroll to hundreds of villagers. What more could Tai Lung get out of it?
Against his better judgment, Shifu took the scroll from the dragon's mouth. He hesitantly gave the scroll case to Tai Lung. The snow leopard opened the scroll, looking at the golden reflection staring back at him. He sighed, letting his body gravitate further to the ground. "When I first got my hands on the scroll, I thought I could finally... attain my purpose." He gave a small chuckle. "I felt my mind break when I saw the blank page. I even thought there may be a hidden message or-"
"There isn't," Shifu answered swiftly. Tai Lung looked at the red panda. "Trust me, I've tried. After Po defeated you, I tried my best to find any secret message. Water, fire, acidic substances. Nothing worked. It really is blank."
Tai Lung sat perfectly still, vaguely staring at the bookshelves of scrolls. "When I finally understood that it was blank, I felt Oogway laughing at me. I was so angry. All that work and effort for... what? It made no sense." He looked back at the scroll's glossy surface. He saw that face. The face that Lei Lei said always looked angry and mean. He made a small smile.
Now it didn't look so mean.
"Po said something when we first fought after I attained the scroll. He said there was no secret ingredient. It's just you." He paused and sighed, "It makes me think, though. If that's the case, what makes me any different from Tigress, from Po, from any Kung Fu Warrior? Half the people in the village know Qi, they know some Kung Fu, and they know how to find inner peace because of Po. I thought the Dragon Warrior title would give me this incredible power. I thought it would give me what I wanted," Tai Lung stared at his former master and sighed, feeling a stinging pain trickle up. "But aside from your admiration and even if that power was real, I would get the same thing any warrior would get. Praise and people saying I'm awesome."
"Awesome?" Shifu echoed, disbelieving that the snow leopard would use Po's favorite word.
"I thought the Dragon Warrior scroll would make things different. Would make me different. But... now? What is it that makes me different?"
His eyes met Shifu's. They had been in this situation before when Tai Lung was younger. Whenever the young snow leopard was lost, Shifu would comfort him with something he knew or some idea that he understood by heart.
But the red panda didn't have anything like that this time. He simply stared at the man he once called son and sighed, "I don't know."
"You... don't?"
"I thought I knew what was good for all of you, especially Po. But training Po made me see I didn't know everything." The red panda turned and started to walk away.
"So there's no hope?" Tai Lung asked.
Shifu looked back over his shoulder and smirked, "I never said that. Po managed to find the secret because he had to accept the one person he hated more than anyone else: Himself. Once you've done that... there is no limit to what you can do... or who you can be."
Tai Lung stared back at the red panda until Shifu left. The snow leopard gazed at the golden scroll.
There is no secret ingredient. It's just you.
Tai Lung's eyes widened. For a moment, the room felt like it was spinning. He covered his face with his hand. His other hand dropped the scroll with a loud clatter.
"Heh, heheh, Hahahahahaha, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He laughed. He brought his head up and looked at the dragon staring at him with its own horrible grin. "I get it now. 40 years later and I get it now. Definitely late to the party." He smiled, "Better late than never."*
He eventually returned to the shop and saw the panda still playing with her dolls, though a little bored with them. The cooking trio were still arguing about something when he sat next to the little girl. "Yay! Mr. Tai Tai's back!" Lei Lei smiled.
"It's not... ugh... Yes, I am," Tai Lung sighed in defeat.
"Where'd you go?"
"Just... had to learn a very big lesson."
"Like what?"
Tai Lung smiled grandly as he looked at Po, Mr. Ping, and Tigress all talking over each other as they tried to fix a dish. "I learned to be myself."
"What's that mean?"
"Ah, I think you'll learn when you grow up. Or hopefully, you already know how to," Tai Ling smirked, petting her head. "Mind if I play with your dolls?"
"YAY!"
"I'm telling you," Tigress growled, "It needs more salt!"
"Would you stop! It's enough!" Po grunted.
"Alright, alright! I don't need three cooks in the kitchen! And I don't need a young cook doing her experiments in here!" Mr. Ping complained. Tigress's eyes widened. "What? You think I didn't know that's why you were here? Just tell me next time, eh? Last time people didn't tell me the truth, they went and became Dragon Warrior!"
"Dad, not the time!"
Tigress shook her head but smiled, "Yes, Mr. Ping." Then she looked at the tables. "Oh, Tai Lung's back."
"And... he looks like he's enjoying himself with Lei Lei? That's new," Po mentioned.
"Hmm, it is," Tigress murmured. The joyful smile on the snow leopard's face was alien to everyone. No one had seen that joy in a while, least of all Tai Lung.
But Tai Lung didn't care. For the first time in a while, he was enjoying being himself.
Continued...
A/N: I feel like this phrase can never be used in Kung Fu Panda fandom for... obvious reasons. Don't ask me what it means. Shhhhh.