DISCLAIMER: Obviously I don't own any of the characters in Harry Potter or anything belonging to Harry Potter World, it belongs to the only and only creator J.K. Rowling.
~~AM~~
Entry Fourteen
January 14, 2001
Today was another day of on and off sleeping. Our lovely Miffy is writing for me still, as I lay here listening to the quill scratching against the page. No one has asked me what happen. I don't even really remember what happened. But I am thankful Blaise or Pansy haven't begun any questioning. I have a feeling Draco may have said something to them, so that is the reason no one is saying anything about it. I don't even want to talk about it. I think I scared the shit out of them. I haven't had an episode that bad, and I wonder why I have been doing well all this time when I was home by myself. Maybe it's because I was in the comfort of my own home to deal with something like this. At least the view is beautiful when I'm propped up. There is a raging snow storm right now, as I look out, all I see is white, I don't know if its clouds or snow, but its really coming down. The fireplace has a raging fire going and I want to sit in the chair next to the fireplace and read a book, but I don't feel like getting up.
I got my potions on time like clockwork, its either Blaise or Pansy who brings it to me. Draco came by again this afternoon, he helped me to the sofa and I sat with him in silence. That was when he asked me if I wanted to go back to Malfoy Manor with him. He said Narcissa had asked him to inform me I was welcome to stay there. I just told him no, maybe next time. I said that Theo told me to stay with Blaise and Pansy until he comes to get me to go home. Draco said he understood and pulled out several tomes from his pocket and gave them to me. I set them aside and said I'll look at them later. Draco helped me back to the bed after awhile and I fell back asleep.
I woke up several hours later again and propped myself up and read some more. Pansy came into my room carrying a tray of potions and a bowl of broth and water. I took the potions and drank both the broth and water all. She had informed me the healer was going to be coming tomorrow to do a follow up on me. I thanked her for all her help and she smiled and said what are family for, I just smiled at her and sighed. She asked me if I missed my husband, and I told her yes with my raspy voice. I still have a raspy voice but my throat was not raw anymore and my insides weren't hurting. Every now and then there would be a throbbing sensation, but it would go away. I'm still sore, when I would get up to walk to the bathroom, I could feel it in my muscles more then down in my bones. I made myself get up and walk to the bathroom or to the sofa. Miffy would help me change night gowns, I brought a lot of them. I wore my pajama pants and sweaters a lot more then my usual silky nightgowns.
I don't know if I am taking potions that keeps my mind blank, because I haven't really been feeling depressed or obsessing over my husbands absent. I guess that is something I can ask the healer tomorrow. I wouldn't be surprise if I am on something. I feel like I'm I a void, like blanket covering everything. I am wondering when all those feelings and emotions are going to come flooding back and hitting me like a ton of rocks weighing everything down again. I have some self awareness of that which I am trying not to question it when I'm awake and more alert. I have some dreamless sleeping draught waiting for me to take. Tomorrow I'll more answers regarding what is going on with me. Until then, goodnight.
Mrs. Nott