DISCLAIMER: Obviously I don't own any of the characters in Harry Potter or anything belonging to Harry Potter World, it belongs to the only and only creator J.K

Entry Twenty-Two

January 22, 2001

Today I woke up with a hangover, my eyeballs were completely dry, like rubbing sandpaper together. Thanks to the being dehydrated, my head is throbbing. Suki had given me a hangover potion, and I was told I can't take my potions until this evening. Thoe on the other hand is still upset with me. I woke up to an empty bed, so I know he is upset with me.

Now is the part where I start to feel sorry for myself and even sorrier for the state, I was in. You know, at least I didn't do anything ridiculous or have a break down. I just got drunk and passed out. I took a long hot shower because my face was greasy. I got ready, put on some black trouser and black blouse, at least I was decent. Pinned my hair back, so it just fell to my waist. When I am here, I feel obligated to dress decent, or I won't hear the end of it for Narcissa. The first person I saw was Draco because he came into my room while I was brushing my hair out sitting at my vanity, he stood at my door, leaning against it with a smirk on his face that I wanted to slap. He said, "Well looks who is awake, didn't know we were back to our old habits of downing bottles of wine." Urgh, he's so annoying. I didn't reply to him, I just glared at him as he walked into the room and sat down on the chair next to my vanity. I asked him if could help him with something, he said no, he just came to see how I was doing and how pissed Theo was this morning that he was dumping out the wine in the cellar.

I groaned and he said his mom had to calm him down and talk to him. They were in the dining room having breakfast. Then he had the audacity to laugh in my face, I told him to get out. He said he had somethings he wanted to discuss with me. I told him I didn't want to hear him talk, but he continued to talk anyway. Sometimes he can be in a pain in the ass. I asked him what he wanted to discuss with me, he said he had been with Theo when they were told that the "resistances" were back at it again and that I had a undetectable trace on me that is why George Weasley showed up in Italy. Their plan was to whisk me away. I asked for what, it's not like I can do anything, and I am as useless as they come. Apparently, I was supposed to be a bargaining chip for them once they captured me. He said Theo was already pissed when he came back last night and was even more pissed when he came back to drunk me. I asked well, what is the plan now, to keep me locked up, might as well throw me in the damn dungeon and toss the key away. Draco that shithead, goes and says no we are not uncivilized, you will be locked up in your room here at the manor and when you go home, in your bedroom. I rolled my eyes to him, and said Well I'm already a caged bird, what differences is it going to make now.

Then there was a knock at the door again, this time it was Narcissa who came into the room and found Draco and I, and she said to come down to the dining room. Urgh, that's where the shit show began. I had gone down to the dining room, where I walked in and Theo and Lucius were seated. I sat in my usual seat I always sat, which is the left side of the dining table, two seats down, from the head of the dining table. Draco can in after me sat across from me because Theo was sitting at the right of Lucius. It was quiet and so I drank a cup of water and broke the silences by saying, just give it to me, so I don't have this impending doom feeling take over. Lucius replied with, don't be so dramatic Ash. I scoffed and said Well isn't it the reason I was told to come down, looking straight at Theo. That was when Theo opened his mouth and said, "Ashlynn Nott, you will be staying here at the Manor for the time being. I have business that I have to tend too, and it will be on and off for a while. I prefer you to be here, then being alone at our home." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and asked why as calmly as I could. Narcissa had put her hand on top of mine, and said, "Dear we think it would be best for you to be here where you will be safe."

I could feel the tingling from the top of my head and the tension in my neck, and asked if I had a say in the matter since it was pertaining to me. Theo spoke up and said, "In this situation, no. You don't have a say. The wine cellar is off limits, there are charms in place, you aren't allowed to go in there, here at the Manor and our manor." My eye twitched and glared at him. I never felt so much anger toward my husband, I've been upset with him, but never this much anger. I picked up my plate and slammed it back down on the table and it broke. I startled Narcissa with my outburst, and asked my dear husband since when is he ordering me around and making decisions for me. That's where the shouting match began between Theo and I. In the mist of our chaotic argument, Lucius, Draco and Narcissa ate their breakfast. All I kept hearing was its for your safety, its for your own good, it's because I don't want anything to happen to you, you must listen to me, the kicker was, you have to do as your told, I am your husband. That resulted in me pushing my chair back hard that it tumbled over, and Theo got up as well. I walked around the dining table, and slapped him across the face, hard enough my palm and fingers stung. The dining room was quiet enough you could hear the echo of the slap. Theo stood stun looking at me, and I told him, since you want to throw orders around, then I order you to stay at the manor, don't come back here since this is all for my safety. I did not know that I was unsafe in my own fucking home. Theo tried to grab my hand, but I pulled away from and told him not to touch me and went back to my room.

I knew this was going to happen, I knew the magnitude of my situation. I am a prideful woman, what am I supposed to do. I was powerful, I could take care of myself, but now I was a hollow shell of my former self. No longer capable, no longer useful, no longer powerful, no longer independent. As these thoughts came spiraling down, I shattered everything breakable in my room, I had even taken off my wedding rings and threw them against the wall. All that anger turned to hurt, and all that hurt turned sadness. I sat on the floor in the middle of my room, sitting amount shattered ceramic and glass, torn pages from my books, I had cuts on my hands from the broken pieces of glass and ceramic on the floor, bloody handprints around me, smeared blood on my cheeks from wiping my tears away. I was a complete mess.

Theo came into the room, picked me up and sat me on the bed. With a wave of his wand the cuts on my hand healed and the mess in the room went back to their original state.

I had no more energy to fight or be angry at him, so he picked me up and carried me to the sofa, and sat me on his lap, while I cried. He kept apologizing over and over, saying he didn't want it to be this way, but after what happened in Italy and the thought of being taken away, it was to much for him to handle. I cried even harder, I cried for my uselessness and putting my husband in a panic state. Theo said he didn't want to leave knowing I was angry with him and without us reconciling. I don't know how long we stayed there on the sofa, Theo said he had to leave for a couple of days. He also said I can't go out of the manor alone and when Draco isn't with him or on his missions, I must be with Draco or Lucius if I am going to leave the manor. I just nodded my head and I leaned against him and fell asleep.

I woke up to him gone and I was laying in bed. So here I am, yet again being babysat. It's a fuck my life moment.

Mrs. Nott