DISCLAIMER: Obviously I don't own any of the characters in Harry Potter or anything belonging to Harry Potter World, it belongs to the only and only creator J.K. Rowling.
~~AM~~
Entry Thirty-Three
February 02, 2001
I had an eventful day today, well kind of eventful. Lucuis pulled me aside this morning because he wanted to talk to me. So I spoke with him, and he was asking about what happen the other day. I told him I was an emotional mess, seeing Theo and Draco on the table and healers working on them. I was in distress, it's when I'm emotional, my magic takes control and what happened happens. Lucius just nodded his head. I asked Lucuis if I could ask him a question, he said I could. I asked him, do you think I'm weird? Luciu. s looked at me and said, I find you peculiar. There is nothing wrong with being peculiar. I just smiled and said yeah, I guess being a weirdo isn't anything to be ashamed off.
Lucuis gave me several new tomes regarding runes translations and blood magic. I thanked him and took the tomes to my room. I spent the day reading the new tomes and took notes. I think I've always been weird, I don't know why I am all of a sudden worried about how I am. Since I was young, I have always been different, even with my siblings, they were similar, with their magic and personality. But for me, it was different, I was free spirited. Like a wild horse who couldn't be tamed.
I miss my old home. I miss the desert, I miss the mesas, the smell of the earth when after it rains, I miss seeing my animals, and most of all I miss my family. I miss my mother's cooking and comfort. I miss my father's stern words and protective hugs. I miss my sister's laughter and know it all attitude. I my brothers' jokes and loving embraces. I was the youngest, so I was always treated like a precious flower in their palms. I was always loved by everyone around me. But why did it have to end the way it did, with them gone and me, left alone in a world I knew nothing about. Sure, I learned as I lived here with the Malfoys and then now with Theo. Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if I was home with my family if my family wasn't taken away from me. I watch Dumbledor die before my eyes, but it did not fill the void I felt in my heart. It didn't bring back my family. I caught and killed order members, still it did not fill the emptiness I felt. It didn't reconnect the line between me and my family. It was like standing in darkness, grasping at nothing.
I guess the grief will always be there especially when I think about home. My mother and father were my home, the brought home wherever they went. Now my reality is here with my husband. My husband is my home now, the comfort he gives me, his patients with my silliness, his gentleness even though I know there are times he wants to ring my neck but continues to hold me in the palm of his hands like a delicate flower. He makes me happy, he brings calmness and loving sense of home. His love and adoration have begun to fill that emptiness I felt in my heart. I know my parents would of loved him, he would of got along with my siblings. I am grateful and honored to be his wife. In these crazy times, I am happy Theodore Nott choose me to be his wife and life partner. I hope there will come a time when we can have a family together, until then, I will try my best to bring the same feelings he brings me.
Grateful and Loved Mrs. Nott