I own nothing from Marvel or Spider-Man
Chapter 8: Two Mercs, One Mouth
Spider-Man arrived on the roof of the precinct, and saw Yuri waiting for him.
"So, what's up?"
"We received a strange letter," she answered. "It's addressed to you."
"To me?" Spidey asked as he took it and opened it up.
Inside was a phone, which instantly rang and the caller ID said "Number Blocked".
Reluctantly, Spidey answered and put it on speaker, "Hello?"
"Hello Spider-Man," A deep male voice responded. It sounded cold, calculating and professional. "Glad to see the police gave you my package."
"Who is this?" Spidey asked.
"Wrong question. You should be asking, "Can you stop the bombs I've planted"?"
"What?!" Spidey questioned. "What bombs?!"
The mystery caller didn't respond, then the phone showed a map of the city and three red triangles with exclamation points spread out at different locations.
"Tick-tock, better hustle," The mystery caller taunted before hanging up.
"Should I radio the bomb squad?" Yuri asked.
"There's not enough time," he answered. "The bombs aren't far and are close to each other."
Yuri nodded, "Go!"
Spidey swung away and headed toward the first location. Once he got to it, he immediately found the bomb, then threw it into the air with his webs!
'Hope this works...!' He then fired several web-balls at it, to try to contain the explosion. Thankfully, it worked!
"Phew!" he sighed in relief. "That was way too close." He did the same thing for the other two bombs, with 30 seconds to spare on the countdown.
Before he could start to feel good about it, the mystery caller spoke into his comms,
"Nice work with the bombs, but you lean into your throw too much. Hurts the accuracy."
"Is this some kind of sick game to you?" Spidey questioned with some fury in his voice.
"Games are for kids. I'm a professional, and I get paid like it."
"Guess your client wasted money," Spidey refuted.
"Sometimes information is worth more than money, and I've learned plenty from watching you. Oh, by the way, you can call me...Taskmaster. I'll be in touch." Then the line went dead.
"Dammit...!" Spidey cursed. "Just what I need; another stalker."
If he wanted to understand this guy, he needed information. So, he called Ned, "Hey Peter, what's up?"
"I just had some mystery man make me defuse three bombs," he responded. "But it was like he wanted to see how I'd do; like a test run."
"That's seriously fucked-up," Ned winced. "Did he give a name?"
"Yeah, search the name 'Taskmaster'."
"Taskmaster? Because he left you a task to complete?" Ned snickered.
"Ned, this isn't funny! Seriously, this could be bad! What if someone's life is in danger!" Spidey shouted.
"Dude, calm down! Did you give any indication that someone was in danger?"
"No, he just said he'd be in touch-"
"Well, there you go!" Ned retorted. "If he hasn't given any indication that anyone is in immediate danger, then don't stress over it."
"What he said, dummy," MJ's voice spoke out.
Peter sighed, "Okay...sorry. I guess I...wait, MJ?! Why are you on the phone?!"
"Don't worry about it," MJ answered.
"I've found something, well, two things, actually," Ned chimed in. "Anthony Masters, aka Taskmaster; former SHIELD Agent turned mercenary and assassin. He's on Interpol and SHIELD's Most Wanted lists."
"What was the second thing?" Peter asked.
"Well, thanks to Aaron, we know about a bunch of secret stuff that we didn't before," Ned started. "Including the Red Room..."
"That sick, but efficient program that made Natasha Romanoff into Black Widow," MJ elaborated. "What does that have to do with-"
"I'm getting to that," Ned cut her off. "Apparently, the Red Room had something called the "Taskmaster Protocol". All information about it is either classified or redacted."
"What are his powers, if he has any?" Peter asked.
"This is gonna sound far-fetched, but it says he has something called "Photo-Reflexive Memory"," Ned answered.
"That's actually a real thing, but it's very rare," MJ stated. "It allows a person to perfectly copy any fighting style, martial art, gymnastics move or technique that they see, and they only have to see it once."
"Well, that's interesting," Peter said.
Ned suddenly gasped, "Dude, what if this guy has researched the fighting styles of the Avengers?"
"Peter, this guy is quite possibly the most dangerous fighter you're ever gonna face," MJ said morbidly. "I don't think you can beat him."
"You might be right about that."
"Whoa, what happened to "Mr. I Have To Try"?" Ned questioned.
"Hang on, someone's at the door," MJ stated. After a couple seconds, she came back, "Peter...there's some guy in a red costume outside our door..."
"Red costume?"
"It looks similar to your suit, but more red and black than red and blue. And the eyes are mostly black with a little white."
"I'll be there soon!"
He hung up and put more acceleration into his swings.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Scene Change~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Listen, I don't mean any harm!" The mysterious costumed guy called from the other side of the door. "I'm here to give advice on a matter of life and death. Superhero honor! Although, I'm not actually a hero; I'm a bad guy who fucks up worst guys and gets paid for-"
Against her better judgement, MJ opened the door, "So, who the hell are you?"
"Wade Wilson, but call me Deadpool," He then held up a bag. "I brought lunch. Fantastic tacos and chimichangas! And yes, there's vegetarian ones for you, plus extra since you're eating for two."
"Why?" MJ asked.
"Why not?" Deadpool questioned. "Who doesn't love Mexican food?"
"No, I mean why are you here?"
Deadpool looked in both directions, making "turning" sounds as he did, then leaned close to her and whispered,
"It concerns Taskmaster stalking your boyfriend-slash-baby-daddy."
MJ's eyes widened and she stepped back.
Taking that as an invitation, Deadpool walked in and sat on the couch.
"Nice place!"
"Thanks," MJ felt a bit apprehensive, especially since her guest had twin katanas strapped to his back and a pistol strapped to each of his thighs.
"Don't get your panties in a twist, I'm not gonna use these on you," he told her. "And look, your dogs seem to trust me."
"Mostly, but they're being cautious. Which means you're still dangerous."
"Only to every mother-fucker out there that's my enemy or a contract," he refuted. "So, chill."
At that moment, Peter, still in his Spidey disguise, arrived.
"All right, stay where you are!" he shouted.
"PETER, MY MAN!" Deadpool cheered.
"...Peter who?" Spidey tried to play dumb, even though he stammered a bit.
"You know, one of the keys to making lies sound convincing is to not sound nervous."
"He already knows we're together," MJ mentioned.
"But if it makes you feel better," Deadpool removed the sheath-strap from his back and his guns from their holsters and placed them in a corner. "There, totally unarmed."
"Knife on your ankle," MJ pointed out.
"Oh, sorry," he removed it. "Now, I'm here about Taskmaster."
"What do you know about him?" Peter asked.
"Most dangerous mercenary in the world, besides your truly. Perfect mimic, able to copy your moves after seeing them-"
"Yeah, we already know that!" Peter interrupted. "Anything new?"
Deadpool groaned and sat back on the couch, "Chill the fuck out, kid! Seriously, you'll make yourself prematurely gray if you worry so much!"
He dug through the bag and handed MJ some of the veggie tacos.
"Oh, thanks," she said before she started eating. "I was starting to get hungry."
"Wait, we still don't even know your name," Peter mentioned as he removed his costume.
"Well, your girlfriend does, but for your convenience; Wade Wilson, AKA Deadpool."
They fist-bumped, and Peter asked, "Deadpool? Isn't that like...a game where people bet on someone dying?"
"Fucking A, you've heard of it!" Wade cheered. "But yes, that's how I got my name. In fact, do you kids like love stories?"
"Yeah, why?" Peter asked in response.
"As long they're not overly sappy or cliché," MJ answered, even though her mouth was full.
Deadpool pulled out a Blu-Ray/DVD case from seemingly out of nowhere,
"Then check this out!"
It had a close-up picture of his masked face and his name as the title.
MJ nearly choked from this WTF moment,
"How the fuck do you have your own movie?!"
Deadpool turned to someone only he could see: that means YOU, loyal readers,
"The wonderful, breathtakingly convoluted world known as...The Fourth-Wall Break."
"Who are you talking to?" Peter asked as both he and MJ looked at him like he was crazy.
"Nevermind." He put the Blu-Ray in and pressed "Play". (A/N: I couldn't think of a better way for Deadpool to explain his origin story! XD)
They laughed at the opening credits with people's names changed to hilarious adjectives and "Angel of the Morning" playing.
"Some Douchebag's Film", "Starring God's Perfect Idiot" then it showed a magazine cover with Ryan Reynolds, "A Hot Chick", "A British Villain" then it showed a Green Lantern picture falling out of some guy's wallet (Which Peter and MJ got the connection with Ryan Reynolds and Lantern), "The Comic Relief", "A Moody Teen", then the first shot of Deadpool himself, but the young couple laughed so hard at him T-Bagging the guy that they didn't even notice "A CGI Character"!
"Oh it gets better!" Wade assured them.
And it did! After "A Gratuitous Cameo", the camera panned around to show Deadpool giving a guy a wedgie through the window of the wrecking car!
"What the hell?!" Peter questioned.
MJ just chuckled.
"Produced by Asshats", "Written by the Real Heroes Here", "Directed by an Overpaid Tool" then a crayon drawing of him decapitating a bad guy with a speech-bubble "Hi, I'm Deadpool".
Then to him sitting in a taxi.
"So, does Ryan Reynolds play you?" MJ asked.
"Yes he does, couldn't have picked anyone else!" Wade answered, cooing with excitement.
Peter cringed a bit at the fight in the SUV and fight on the highway, cause apparently Deadpool was not shy about killing.
"Also, this is me narrating," Wade commented.
"You're probably thinking; "My boyfriend said this was a superhero movie, but that guy in the red suit just turned that other guy into a fucking kabab". Well I may be super, but *chuckle* I am no hero. And yeah, technically this IS a murder. But some of the best love stories start out with a murder. And that's exactly what this is; a love story. And to tell it right, I gotta take you back to long before I squeeze this ass into red spandex."
"Uh...ew," MJ said with a grimace.
Still, the young couple really enjoyed the movie; especially the comedy and love story! The events showed Wade was a wisecracking merc, yes, but he had a big heart. Meeting Vanessa, and taking her on an actual date instead of just doing what her job as a hooker entailed. THEN came the sex...a whole year of it, until they said "I love you", and he asked her to marry him!
MJ laughed hysterically, "You proposed with a Ring-Pop?!"
Peter laughed as well, but thought it was cute. Unfortunately, the happy occasion was ruined when Wade was diagnosed with cancer.
"What?!" Peter and MJ questioned in disbelief.
"The tragedy behind the comedy," Deadpool commented with a sad whisper.
The bridge scene with Francis, Colossus, Nega-Sonic Teenage Warhead...
"That's a long-ass name," MJ commented.
"But it is super cool!" Peter added.
"I know, right?!" Deadpool agreed.
Wade leaves Vanessa for the program the creeper recruiter told him about, with the narration, "The worst part about cancer isn't what it does to you. It's what it does to the people you love."
"Ain't that the truth?" MJ stated, sadly.
When Wade meets Francis, he calls himself "Ajax", which Wade later reveals that he got from the dish soap, which made them laugh.
But then, Wade's mutation activated and he turned into a walking tumor.
"Oh, god!" MJ and Peter cried in horror.
Wade escaped, got beat by Ajax, but survived the warehouse fire and steel rod through the chest.
"So, you have a regenerative healing factor that essentially makes you unkillable?" MJ asked.
"Basically," Deadpool answered. "But the healing attached to the cancer cells in my body, so I technically still have it, but it won't progress any further."
"And it's also why you look like the inside of other people's assholes," MJ commented.
"I didn't need to know that..." Peter muttered.
Deadpool actually lifted up his mask to show his face, "Well, if you looked like Ryan Reynolds crossed with a Shar Pei, you'd understand."
"You don't look that bad," Peter said.
MJ shrugged, "I've seen worse."
"Good to know. Back to the movie!"
Wade finds Vanessa, but decides to stay away from her because of his face. He talks to Weasel, he makes the plan to find Francis and comes up with his name, then the montage of him hunting for Francis by going after his associates. It was hilarious!
But then Peter pointed out something, "Hey, two of the names on the Dead Pool Board are actually dead."
"Ned Beatty and Arnold Palmer were still kickin' when the movie got made," Wade told him. "In fact, another name that was supposed to be on there was Amy Winehouse."
MJ winced at that news, "Oh, that would've been very bad taste since she did die."
"Oh, you don't know the half of it," Wade added. "There was gonna be this running gag throughout the movie where Amy would keep having these near-death experiences, but miraculously keeps surviving. Until the end of the movie where she would get runover by a double-decker bus. Sadly, but also thankfully, that whole thing was cut."
"Yeah, that would've been too dark, even for me," MJ commented.
Then Vanessa gets kidnapped, so Deadpool gets Nega-Sonic and Colossus to help, and the hilarious scene of Dopinder saying he had his romantic-rival tied up in the trunk. Peter and MJ ended up laughing at that part, especially with Deadpool pretending to scold Dopinder but actually saying he was proud of him.
The whole fight by the war-ship, and Colossus mostly getting his ass kicked by Angel-Dust since he was too much of a gentleman.
MJ cheered when Vanessa stabbed Francis, showing she was no damsel! All three of them couldn't stop themselves from singing along to "You're the Inspiration".
Soon, it was the end of the movie.
"She still loves you despite what you look like," Peter stated. "That is true love, amazing."
"Yeah...tell me about it," Deadpool said, sounding genuinely happy.
"Are you still together?" MJ asked.
"Fuckin' A," Wade responded.
"Is there a post-credit scene?" Peter asked.
Wade fast-forwarded to the end of the credits, and...
MJ laughed hysterically, "This is from Ferris Bueller's Day Off!"
"One of the earliest post-credit scenes in movies!" Wade exclaimed. "First ever one being in The Silencers."
MJ groaned a bit in pain.
"You all right?" Peter asked.
"I'm fine," she assured him as she rubbed her breasts, "Just sore around here."
"So, now that you know about me; let's talk about Taskmaster," Wade stated. "Since he's copied so many styles and moves, plus the fact that he's a veteran at fighting, he can predict what you're gonna do next."
Peter winced, "So, how do you beat him?"
"Mix-it up," Wade answered. "Don't do what you would usually do when you fight. Do what the Joker does; be unpredictable."
"Be unpredictable..." Peter trailed off.
"That's actually not a bad idea," MJ said. "Usually, Peter, as Spidey, tries to avoid close combat and uses clever tricks... but maybe you should try something up close and personal. And if we're talking unpredictable, remember what Aaron did to fight Kraven?"
"Turned it into a dance-fight with "Let's Go Crazy"!" Wade cheered/laughed. "Fucking genius!"
"So you're saying I should do that same thing?" Peter asked.
"Not exactly," MJ replied. "But something along the same lines. Something random, something that Taskmaster wouldn't expect."
"This is gonna take some real thinking," Peter said.
"Thankfully, knowing Tasky the way I do; it'll be a while before he fights you," Wade assured him.
"How do you know?"
"I just do, okay?" Wade retorted. "Christ, you're still young, enjoy it! Don't get all paranoid; that's how you turn into Daredevil or the Punisher!"
"Oh, dear god..." Peter muttered.
"I think he means don't worry so much," MJ said. "I've told you the same thing."
"See? Our ladies keep us grounded," Wade said.
"Can't argue with that," Peter said as he kissed her.
Wade put his mask back on and stood up, "Well, Dopinder's gonna be here soon, so I gotta go."
"Thanks for the help," Peter stated.
"You're weird, crude and pretty raunchy," MJ commented. "But you're a decent guy."
Wade gasped, "What in the ass? That wasn't snarky; I'm proud." As he grabbed his weapons, "So, if you kids ever need help with something, or if you just plain miss me, which, HA, who could blame you?! Here's my card!"
He placed a gold card on the coffee table that had a number, and the same logo as the one on his belt buckle.
"Thanks, I'll be sure to keep in touch," Peter said.
"On that note...BAMF!" Deadpool disappeared in a flash of orange! (A/N: Had to include his Teleportation Belt since it wasn't in the movies! XD)
"...What a weirdo," MJ stated. "And that's saying something because I live with you, Peter."
Peter scoffed/laughed, "I think I'm more mentally stable than him!"
"I was only kidding!" MJ laughed. "But he seems like a fun guy."
"Like his movie didn't give that away," Peter joked. "He has a good heart, though."
"Yeah, that's true," said MJ. "So...you got any ideas on how to deal with Taskmaster?"
"Some, but I'm more of a "make a plan as I go" kind of guy," he answered.
"Yeah, that seems to work for you," she agreed. "By the way, with the amount of protein I've eaten lately; I know that this kid of ours is not a vegetarian."
Peter got a dreamy look in his eyes as he rubbed her still flat stomach,
"This kid of ours..."
"I know...every time I say it, I can barely believe it," she said.
Peter then hugged her, gently yet firmly and kissed her forehead,
"I know we talked about it before, but...is it okay if I say that I'm scared?"
"You dork, of course it is," she flicked him playfully in the head. "And I'm glad you're telling me that, because I am terrified."
Peter chuckled as he held her a little tighter.
"I guess this is what every parent feels, huh?" he asked.
"It' just...we already have college to go through, and you being a superhero," her eyes started to water. "And I have the utmost confidence in you handling yourself, but there's always the slim chance that you won't make it. And that leave me to raise this little one by myself, which I don't think I can. I'm really, really scared, Peter~!"
By her last sentence, she was full on crying, prompting Peter to bring her head to his shoulder.
"Shh...it's gonna be okay, Michelle," Peter whispered, even though he was feeling a bit like crying, too. "We'll work it out, somehow...I promise. As said in Star Wars; keep your mind focused on the present, not the future."
MJ chuckled a bit, "Thanks nerd."
"Always," Peter said with a smile.
I hope I did Deadpool well enough for the millions of fans out there.
So, I know they had Taskmaster in the MCU, I even mention it in this chapter. But, that version only worked for the plot of Black Widow's movie. In terms of doing the actual character justice; it didn't. I didn't hate it like many people do, cause, like I said; it worked for the movie.
Rest assured though, we will see Taskmaster again in the future. As well as Deadpool!
Also, to reviewer Elaygrimm on Ao3: thank you so much for your support! America Chavez will appear in the future. Same with She-Hulk once I watch her series and learn more about her. AIM and M.O.D.O.K. will also be in the future. Moon Knight...probably won't appear. He's in Egypt and his whole mental situation makes things a little complicated. Marc Spector and Steven Grant both think they're free of Konshu, but they don't know about Jake Lockley and that he still serves Konshu. And Robbie Reyes is even more complicated. After his last appearance in Season 4 of Agents of SHIELD, he went to Hell and took a version of the Darkhold with him. And we haven't heard anything about him since.
Anyway, everyone read and review, please!