Disclaimer: I don't own a thing. A.N. I owe you all a thousand apologies. One, because this chapter took a very weird turn. I hope there'll still be a grin or two, but I've stopped arguing with the characters, no matter what they do. I learned from Chuck. ;D Two, this will be the last chapter for a while. I'm not sure how long, but a different pairing bunny bit hard enough to draw blood, so. I need to give in. I will be back, absolutely. Just not sure when.
It wasn't exactly the outlandish apology Crowley still hoped to gain from the witchy scare, but things had definitely escalated past the one kiss he'd claimed once the mistake had been cleared up. For a while, neither had thought at all, much to their reciprocal satisfaction.
But now Crowley's thoughts were straying, though still steeped in contentment. For one thing, Moose needed a bigger bed. Not that Crowley had anything against cuddling, but he would appreciate it being a choice rather than necessity.
For another... "Wait, you said your plan had to be trashed because mum warned me. But Dean wasn't here, so he doesn't know, does he? Or has he taken a leaf from my book and started bugging every room you could be reasonably expected to enter? Or directly on you?"
Sam huffed a laugh. "God no. If he did, I would have to move out. I won't guarantee the sanity of either of us, but Dean's not quite that far gone."
"Glad for you. But then, who's going to inform your brother of my mum's breach of client-witch etiquette?" Crowley raised an eyebrow.
"Rowena herself, possibly. In our line of work, we tend to get cursed..."
"Oh, I know, Moose. Good memories. You were so pretty," Crowley replied, getting a still somewhat gentle elbow jab in retaliation.
"Anyway, as useful as you've occasionally been, we need the option of consulting the actual professional of the family. Of course, that means that if she decides to say something, well, gagging her would make her intervention rather useless. All we need is for her to be annoyed with me, or you, or maybe even Dean. If she feels underappreciated and decides to gripe about how she warned you about my intentions, but does anyone listen to her? The later it happens, the worse Dean will take it, and we won't be able to convince him you haven't undermined the ritual."
"And if we do tell mum not to, we can be sure she'll mention it as soon as she gets a chance," Crowley sighed.
"Uh...wait. Not telling, but maybe explaining? I mean, I didn't give her too many details when I asked for the spell because, frankly, it wasn't any of her business. And because it might turn out to be useful more than once anyway. If she had the full facts, do you think..."
"That she would behave in order to ensure we got your brother's blessing?" It was Crowley's turn to laugh. "Moose, she's many things, but not a romantic. Orgies are more her style."
"Wow. I didn't know that was a hereditary trait." Sam smiled, and Crowley kissed the closest dimple, just because he could. He didn't even mind the tease, not when his lover looked so good.
"Don't we all learn a thing or two from our parents? I hope you're properly appreciative of my adhering to your standards."
"Oh, I am. More so because I didn't expect you to - not for this long, at least."
"With age comes wisdom. Quality over quantity. But - it does help that there's almost enough of you to make at least a couple people out of." Crowley lazily caressed his lover's chest.
Moose chuckled, but stopped when he realized that Crowley was observing him with a speculative air.
"Speaking of spells, could we be actually interested in a splitting one of some sort? For no more than a night, obviously. Or, well, more only if you decided you liked it. Depending on the one we use, we could still be exclusive and add a number of participants to the fun."
"Do you miss having a crowd in your bed that much?" And here it was - the start of a bitchface, ready to worsen.
"Hey, I decided it was worth giving that up for you. I'm not saying you absolutely have to, but if there's a way to not deny myself and stick to the rules, why not? Did you ever have more than one person in your bed at the same time?"
"What the hell do you take me for?" Sam replied, sputtering a bit. It was totally unfair that a grown man could still be classified as adorable.
"Someone who deserves to be worshipped by droves of people and assorted creatures," he retorted without missing a beat. Was meant to, really. But he knew better than to invite Lucifer in their bed, even by one-word allusions. "Their loss, my gain, so I'm the furthest from complaining. I'm just saying - don't knock things without trying them even once."
"Ugh."
"What now?"
"Just wondering why you went after me at all. Dean's the try anything once guy. And the threesome with twins guy. Maybe you'd be happier with him."
"Don't be silly, now, Moose. I may be a bit of a narcissist, but I don't want someone who already has my exact mindset. Where's the fun in that? Might as well use my own two hands. Persuading you is at least half the fun. Maybe even a little bit more."
"Well then, I shouldn't make it too easy, right?" Sam grinned at him.
"Of course. I don't need you meek, Moose. Hell, if you started going along with everything I said, it'd definitely be time for another appointment with my mother – my bet would be on a curse. And an especially nasty one, at that."
"And we've circled back to Rowena," Sam sighed. "I wish I could simply ask a different witch, but..."
"Many of them are borrowing our powers in the first place. And the naturals usually know better than to try and antagonize us, so have no idea what might affect us or not. We're half-colleagues, why would they start something when they're at most a coven? They'd eventually be outmatched," Crowley concluded for him.
"So how's she still around after killing a number of demons?" Moose raised an eyebrow.
"Beats me, actually. She's very good at staying alive, but I don't know all her spells yet."
"Yet? You planning to?" Sam sounded amused.
"She's using me. It's only fair I reciprocate, isn't it? Besides, what's the point of even having parents if they don't pass on their knowledge? I'm not keeping her around for the pleasure of being annoyed," Crowley replied.
And here it was, Moose's laugh. Much better. Happiness became him.
"Speaking of annoyance - she thought I'd retaliate against you. Wanted to see it, actually," he groaned.
"Then we have no choice, do we?"
Crowley frowned. "What do you mean?"
"We need to give her all the details of our relationship, and my motives. Or at least enough details to make her beg us to shut up."
"You think we can squick her into seeing things our way?"
"We might even get everything I'd hoped from her. If ordering her will be counterproductive, and you think asking her compliance will not work, threats might. I'm betting that this will work much better than menacing her with physical harm ever could.
"You want the option to consult her at need, but if this works, I'll be hiring you as a consultant. I was well aware that you were clever, Moose, but I didn't expect your talents to be applicable in the 'scaring people into submission' department. Especially not without having to go on a rampage and showing off your... considerable assets at the same time. I'm truly impressed." Crowley might have gone starry-eyed, even.
"Hiring? Why, do you think I wouldn't help if the...entity warranted it?"
"Let's say you would. Why should I leave you without a proper recompense? I'm not, and I've never been, exploitative. I'm not saying it'd necessarily be for money. It's not like my subjects are rewarded in dollars, either. But I'm sure we could find an option that everyone would be happy with."
"Interesting," Moose purred. "Do we want to handle Rowena right now, or do you need to gather your strength before facing her?"
"No time like the present. You do need a shower first, though. And - you're not coming round in your usual clothes."
"Not fancy enough for you? I guess I could put the Fed suit on..." Sam shrugged.
"Oh no, you're on the wrong track, Moose. Let me have a peek at your closet, and if I can't find anything suitable, I guess I'll have to whip it up."
"If it's really necessary." His lover didn't sound too enthused about that option.
"What, afraid I'll find your brother hiding in it? Pretty sure there are enough in the bunker for Squirrel to enjoy its natural habitat."
That startled a laugh out of Sam. "Don't let Dean hear you."
"You didn't disagree," Crowley couldn't help but point out.
"We're busy," Moose sternly reminded him. " Getting ready, then Rowena...and actually, you need a shower more than I do."
"Yep, but I have powers, and if I follow you to the showers, we're just going to start again. And if we can make my mother behave, well, I can't wait."
No more argument came, and ten minutes later his lover padded back into his room.
"I actually considered creating something more outrageous for you, but you're lucky, Moose. I exercised some restraint and made my selection instead."
"I'm...actually not sure these fit me anymore." Sam bit his lower lip. Crowley exercised some self-control, even if not kissing him again was hard.
"Trust my professional skills, they do." Just barely, which was exactly what they needed. Painted-on jeans and his purple dog shirt. Lucky that the Bunker had made Moose – probably both brothers, actually – less ruthless in tossing things away.
Crowley took his hand and moments later they appeared directly inside Rowena's chambers. She startled, "Try knocking, Fergus! You had no idea what I could be doing!"
"It is my palace, mother. And you'd requested to be present when I would make my point to Moose," he replied, with a smirk. Sam was ignoring her, and staring at him with a more besotted look than he'd ever worn in public.
She snorted. "A love spell? Really? I mean, I guess that having him kneeling at your feet in the throne hall could be nice, but do you really think it will be enough of a punishment? Or that it'll teach him a lesson?"
Sam laughed. Loudly. "One, I'm not enough of an exhibitionist to ever play with him for all to see. Two. a spell? Really? And I thought my dad believed I couldn't do anything right, but at least he didn't assume I couldn't get anyone to like me without magic."
"Explain, Fergus." Oh, so now she was ignoring Moose, too. As if that had ever worked for anyone.
"Moose and I had already entered into a very pleasant arrangement. Not that it was your business. But you know how Squirrel can get. Trust issues. Very sad. That's where you were supposed to come in – if you could simply have provided what was asked of you."
"If Dean ever suspects that you let Crowley know," Moose emphasized his name, and Crowley didn't even try to resist. He interrupted his lover with a deep kiss. A glance showed him his mum's grimace.
"If Dean does, he'll never trust your magic, and well. If Dean keeps objecting, I'll have no choice. We'll have to move our tryst to downstairs. We might get lost more often...you know, being distracted," Sam concluded, as if no interruption had ever happened.
"You can't be serious," Rowena spat.
"About going behind Dean's back and making sure he thinks I've stopped when I'm doing something I know he won't appreciate? Rowena, I don't know where you've been, but it wouldn't be the first time," Moose admitted. Usually he would be ashamed about the subject, but now he seemed to enjoy...cornering her, Crowley would bet. Knowing you had the cards to make someone bow to your desires.
"I can give you a few names if you need it confirmed, mum. Ruby was downright chatty, even if never about what mattered. Who wouldn't be proud of ensnaring this, huh?"
He caressed his lover's chest.
"About hiding down here." Her eyes darted around, making clear where she meant.
"Maybe. Sometimes." Moose grinned. "Definitely downstairs, but I assume we'll find the right room at least most of the time. Not sure it'll be much better for you, though. We can get loud."
"Oh, you boys can enjoy yourselves. I have my ways around that. Surely you don't think I would be that helpless." Rowena was back to her mocking self. It really was her job to be as annoying as possible, wasn't it?
"Of course not, mum. But you see, you might find it pointless this time," Crowley said.
"Trust me, Fergus, it'd be very necessary. I'm the last person to object to some healthy entertainment, but I don't need the soundtrack." Aaand we had her.
"Don't you? Can I remind you that you asked to be present for it?" he smirked.
"Well, I didn't know the exact way you would choose to make your point. Move it to the right environment, and I'll take my measures."
"Please, mother, I would never stop you from sharing my joys. If we go, and you don't want to hear it right now, that's your privilege. You'll just hear about it later, in full, painstaking detail. And trust me, if anyone can make me downright lyrical, it's Moose. There will be so much to tell you."
"Oh come on, Fergus, this would be..."
"Mother, need I remind you that as long as you're my guest, you're in hell?" he cut in. It was a bit of a risk, true. Either Moose would get what he wanted, or his mum would move out once and for all. Personally, Crowley considered it a win-win. He tugged Sam to him and kissed him again, pawing his lover a little just because he could.
If Rowena really knew him, she would have called his bluff. A bit of a show once, with Moose supporting him, sure. Long-term? He wasn't certain who would be squicked first.
Instead, she sighed and asked: "What do you want to stick to the privacy you've enjoyed until now?"
"The spell Moose asked you for already," Crowley replied, "plus the assurance that Squirrel will never, ever learn that I was aware of it. You utter a word, you'll be more acquainted with my activities than you've ever wished."
"Really, Fergus? You want to be in his power?"
"Well, he enjoys it, actually. It's pretty common for people with demanding, high-tiered jobs, I thought you'd know," said Moose, with the widest grin ever.
"Plus, I trust him. You know, mother, you should really try it once or twice. You might find it a welcome change."
"It'll be your funeral. Just don't come begging for my help later," she capitulated.
Crowley laughed. "I've survived bedding him this long. I suspect both the universe and Moose will cut me some slack for a little longer."