Into the Infinite

by GlitterFix

A Heian Era story about Michizane Sugawara, a young slave who has a mysterious technique he doesn't quite understand and struggles to explain. He befriends an old priest and two girls living at a shrine that protects a mysterious and powerful cursed artifact: a jade carving of a four armed monster. An origin story for Tengen/Sukuna/Michizane Sugawara.

7. Forked Roads

Five Years Later

Time ticks by, day by day, and the world begins to change.

Momo Tengen emerged from the mine one day, healed, and ready to take on the cruel world they live in. She is elated, filled with hope for a bright future, with a plan to help sorcerers become the protectors of humanity.

Michizane Sugawara was the first member of the Jujutsu Society, something he is very proud of now. As the Jujutsu Society gets stronger, they're able to do a lot more to help ordinary people, if that means eliminating curses or if it means eliminating evil sorcerers.

Of course, having Sugawara as the first member is convenient because he is almost peerless and therefore, no fight is too big for them.

He has even convinced Fujiwara to join, although he's a bit reluctant. He joking behaves overly polite to Tengen like he is scared of her and whenever she gets annoyed with him, he asks her to please not step on him.

Tengen always says that if she ever stomps another human being to death again, it will certainly be him.

She has a student too, a girl named Narumi.

Sugawara met Narumi while he was travelling for political reasons and recognized right away that whatever Momo was, Narumi was also. Narumi was a war orphan, only fifteen and begging on street corners to feed her little brother, Tomo, who is ten.

They are keeping it a secret that Tengen is not the only one of her kind because people are still very nervous about that little incident where she started to turn into something that hasn't ever existed before but was very powerful. The idea of 'more Tengens' might rattle some sorcerers.

Tengen is for the moment so optimistic that the future will be better, and despite having a time when she nearly dehumanized herself, having Narumi at her side fills a place in her heart that has been empty for quite some time.

Michizane is so relieved that Momo is doing well and is grateful that Narumi has provided her a lifeline and a path forward as a human.

Tengen and Narumi are, with smiles and hope, unknowingly walking a doomed path, and before all is said and done, they will join into a combined horror. The idea is so far beyond what they might imagine that there isn't even an idea similar in any of their worst nightmares.

Michizane has given Tengen free reign to use Tanashiro's old castle for whatever needs the Jujutsu Society has. Tengen, Michizane, Narumi, and her little brother Tomo all live in the wing of the castle where Tanashiro used to live with his concubines. It's quite lively and none of them are alone as long as they stick together.

Perhaps it's not the life that they planned for or expected, but it's a life, and as adults who grew up as kids without parents, it's fulfilling in a way to be family to kids that are kind of lost in the world.

Sometimes, at night when the kids are asleep, Momo and Michizane sit on a long porch with peach wine, and they talk about everything. Their hopes, their dreams, their shared heartbreak.

Michizane still goes up to the mountains sometimes to look for…anything. He never even found a sliver of bone, and after five years, even if he found human remains, he wouldn't be able to tell if it was hers, even with Six Eyes. There are dark parts of his mind that still wonder how it was for Ayame: if she died quickly when she fell, if she froze to death, if she laid there unable to call for help, if the wolves got her while she was still alive.

Sometimes he's sure his mind is playing tricks on him because there aren't any other people like her out in the world, so he wonders if she was really as beautiful or as sweet or as wonderful as he remembers, or if his mind made it all up because he was just really sad about what happened.

Tengen has never really forgiven herself for what happened, and she only has the version of the story Michizane made up where Ayame didn't suffer, and she was put to rest properly. If she believed like Michizane that her body was left to predation and the elements and she might have had a very difficult end, her burden would have been unbearable.

On one of these late nights while they share peach wine and talk, Tengen asks Michizane about a matter that's quietly been going on behind the scenes for a while. She knows about it, and it's not a secret. It's something other people are talking about, but never them with each other.

"You're going to be married soon, right?"

Michizane shrugs. "I guess so."

"Do you like her?"

"Fumiko? She's fine, I guess."

Fumiko Katsuragi is Lord Katsuragi's sister, a girl from the territory immediately to their south. Tengen has met her one time, when she visited during what she later found out was a first courtship visit. Since Michizane can travel much faster on his own, he's been visiting Heian Kyo now and every few weeks.

Tengen doesn't like her, but she wonders if she'd think anyone was worthy of Michizane. In true big sister fashion, she tends to think he deserves whoever the best woman in the world is, and certainly Fumiko is not that. She's not bad or anything, she's just not special. Not like Ayame was special.

She doesn't want to express any kind of negativity because Michizane isn't marrying her because he's madly in love. He's marrying her because he has political obligations to an entire territory, and this is a way he can become stronger and provide them with perhaps slightly better lives.

Hearing him describe the person he would spend the rest of his life with as 'fine' like he was talking about a meal he was about to eat that was neither particularly good nor particularly bad makes Momo feel kind of depressed, but she basically understands his feelings.

Tengen says, "This isn't really my business. I guess I'm just curious. Have you told her about Ayame?"

"The last time I visited her. It felt really weird telling another girl about her, you know? Fumiko asked me if I loved her, and I guess, I was younger, I did. I did so much. I would just lay awake at night and think about the life we would have together if I could be free someday. Ayame only ever knew me as a slave, and for some reason, that makes me feel like shit sometimes."

"What did Fumiko say?"

"I think her feelings were hurt. She said she's only loved me, but I loved someone else, and she doesn't think that's fair. I wasn't going to lie. But I also didn't tell her the whole truth? I think she's self-conscious about how she looks, and to me at least, she looks normal? There's nothing wrong with her or anything. She's pretty enough. She asked if she was as pretty as Ayame and I told her no. The truth would have served no purpose."

Tengen says, "Are you sure this is why you want to do? You're a really enthusiastic guy, but you don't seem very excited about something that should make you really happy."

"It's fine. We are both going to give up some things to pursue our dreams because our dreams are really big. I bet it'll be fine once we're together. Doing all the married people stuff. You know. Eating breakfast and whatnot."

Momo says, "I got curious about what it would be like to eat breakfast, and as it turns out, I don't think I like it very much."

"Seriously?!"

"I have no intention or marrying or anything like that. I just wanted to know."

"What was it like?"

"You haven't eaten breakfast yet?"

"No. I'm breakfastless."

Momo says, "There are more smells and tastes involved than I expected."

Michizane fills her cup with more wine, and she says, "What really gets me, is that we're fully-fledged adults now. We've seen the best and the worst things. Been through a lot. When I look back at Ayame in my mind now, I see…"

"A kid?"

"Yeah. If she had lived, she probably would have changed a lot. I don't think the world would have let her stay as she was. Maybe if you were there to protect her. I think this world would have eaten her alive. I wonder how long I will live, and how long I will forever be looking back and realizing how sad it is that she didn't get to grow with us."

A depressing topic indeed, but the only way they can move is forward, and so they do.

XXX

In Nara, Ayame has moved on too, as Sakura, because after five years, she still doesn't know much about who she used to be. There have been only a few clues that popped up, like one day when she picked up a flute and could play it like it had always been part of her life.

Her first year was actually quite difficult, because while most days were mostly okay, some days her injury caused her to have really strange and scary symptoms: headaches that caused her nose would bleed and she'd become dizzy and throw up, times when the right half of her face seemed frozen, instances when she would simply fall asleep in the middle of doing ordinary activities, inconsistent but unusual to severe forgetfulness.

Some days she'd play with the baby and have a really good day, other days, she'd be in so much pain that Kikyo would dose her with the opium serum they gave to soldiers before amputating their limbs.

She went through this while living in an existential crisis because she didn't know anything about herself, not even her name.

Tonight, it's raining hard, and a diplomatic delegation is expected to arrive in the morning, so Sakura is helping Kikyo Fujiwara prepare even though it's quite late.

"I hope they got soaked," Kikyo says.

"You seem kind of sour about this visit," she says.

Kikyo says, "Because I don't like the Katsuragi clan. My clan is quite close with them, so growing up, I had the great misfortune of having to visit with them now and then. Lord Katsuragi's mother Midori is vile. I think she may be the first person I ever wished death upon, and I have never stopped."

Sakura is sure that wherever she came from, her family wasn't rich, because it is always so strange and foreign to hear how these wealthy, powerful families operate internally and how they interact with each other.

"What makes her vile?"

"When I was younger and still living with my clan, we frequently had banquets and whatnot with the Katsuragi clan. Midori used to seat me next to her, and I thought this was because she liked me. One night she told me it was because I was plain in the face and sitting next to me flattered her even though I was much younger."

"That seems mean…"

Kikyo answers, "It's fine. I'm going to make her sit next to you."

"I'm attending?"

"Of course. You don't have to bother with anything and don't even need to talk to anyone. I just need you to dress up and make that woman feel withered and ordinary. Of course, you'll be a joy to everyone because you're just like that. Your presence is like medicine to men who were not loved by their mothers."

Sakura sometimes has no idea how to answer this very powerful, but also very petty and quite funny woman.

This reminds Kikyo of something she meant to check on much earlier in the day. "Have you seen my son lately?"

"Kenjaku had a very busy day today. He worked on his studies, played outside, had some training and play time with his father. He had dinner and a bath and has been in bed for a while."

Sakura didn't judge Kikyo for her distant relationship with Kenjaku because knowing how things were for her shed light on a lot of things. Kikyo didn't want to be a with a man and was forced to marry, and even though Kenji respects that, they had to produce a male heir or their marriage contract would require them to separate so he could marry another woman from her clan.

If that had happened, her family would have remarried her to someone less prominent who very likely would not have respected her wishes. That was the best case scenario.

Kenjaku was born to protect Kikyo from her family. No other reason. She loves him in her own way, but he is a literal physical embodiment of her free will being taken from her and so Sakura doesn't judge the situation.

The fact that Kenjaku is genuinely a somewhat odd child hasn't helped. He seems to always know where dead animals are, and he collects and plays with their corpses for some reason.

There's a general belief that whatever his technique is, it involves dead bodies, which has already led to whispers about his suitability as the Fujiwara heir. No one in the clan wants to introduce some dark, taboo corpse-related technique to the Ten Shadows bloodline.

Recently, Kenjaku surprised Kikyo by giving her a dead rat with the top of its head pinched off, and Kikyo has been avoiding him since then. He wasn't trying to insult her or be gross or anything, he found it very fascinating, and this was a great honor he wanted to share with her.

Ignoring this one little…habit, Kenjaku is a very sweet and bright child. Perfect, if they pretend he didn't hide a decomposing rabbit in his room, where he pulled out its insides out of curiosity and its rotting viscera soaked into the tatami mats and filled their entire wing with the smell of death.

Perfect, except for that one little thing.

A teensy little problem, really!

Kikyo says, "I always see you scurrying around trying to cover up what he's done. It doesn't bother you?"

Sakura answers, "Kenjaku doesn't hurt animals. He's not cruel or mean. He's just really curious about the nature of living things, and death. Is it really different than doctors that learn about humans from studying dead bodies?"

"There's a difference between a trained doctor and a little boy pulling the intestines out of dead mice."

"He's a sweet boy. If his technique gave him this…curiosity, it doesn't make him less caring or less deserving of love, does it?"

Kikyo isn't going to argue about whether her son is a monster with this woman, mainly because Sakura is the main one who looks after Kenjaku. Sakura isn't wrong that if his dark curiosity stems from his technique that it's not his fault, but that doesn't make it any less disgusting. The only relief they have at this point is that at age five, it's easier to communicate with him exactly how socially unacceptable this is.

The older woman is grateful that her son has experienced this sort of love, since she finds herself unable to provide it. There are times she wishes it was different, but life is complicated. Kenji and Sakura love him and he's happy with them, and somehow, everything is working.

Sakura is a strange character, and over time, Kikyo has become convinced that even though she is the kindest and softest person she has ever known, there is some unknown darkness about her.

When Sakura first came to stay with them, she wanted to write a letter thanking the brothel mistress for taking care of her. No matter how many times Kikyo explained that woman wasn't being nice, she was protecting her investment, Sakura insisted.

The messenger who took the letter came back and told them she'd died, and Kikyo learned she got some sort of burning rash that started at her crotch and then spread to her whole body until it festered, and she perished.

At the time Kikyo thought it was a fitting end for a woman who whored out vulnerable young girls.

Then a few months later, a gardener who thought she was only a nanny pushed her into a shed and tried to assault her because she was lovely, and he thought no one would care about a servant coming after another servant. Someone else saw and intervened before anything happened.

Kikyo fired him and sent him home so that the local law keepers could deal with him, but he was in a freak accident on the way home and somehow his hands got ripped off.

There were a number of smaller incidents, including one where Kikyo's sister cursed at Sakura over a misunderstanding that wasn't really relevant. What was relevant is that she lost her voice for a month.

It really seemed like when people purposefully harmed or attempted to harm Sakura that strange misfortune would find them, always somehow related to the nature of the offense.

Kikyo has wondered if they weren't able to find out how Sakura came to Nara because all the person or persons responsible were dead.

Sakura woke up every day as adorably naïve as a baby bird that just fell out of its nest, so the idea that she was somehow floating through the world cursing people with incredible misfortune was very funny, and Kikyo keeps it to herself because she doesn't think it's actually possible.

Kikyo focuses back on preparations, until they are interrupted by Kenji.

"It's late? Whatever you're doing, it doesn't matter. We should make Katsuragi sleep in the horse stable or the toilets, some place with lots of shit so he doesn't feel out of place," Kenji says.

Kikyo answers, "Everything has to be perfect. It is the only way to defeat my enemy."

"Are we killing Lady Midori? Whatever you want to do is fine with me, it's just not on the schedule."

Sakura thinks all the time about how these two people, strangely matched and not-in-love as they are, seem to go together somehow. But like they should be mischievous siblings, not lovers or anything like that.

"I don't want her to die. I want her to feel ugly. For a long time."

Kenji says, "Do as you wish to the mother. I don't think Daisuke cares, but the other one is coming. I forgot her name."

"Fumiko. Why include her in anything?" Kikyo asks.

"Michizane Sugawara is on the cusp of marrying her. I'm sure he would appreciate it if we were nice, Kikyo. You too, Sakura—none of your bullying and intimidation."

She blushes at the teasing, and says, "I'll be on my best behavior."

"Good girl."

Kenji asks, "I'll have someone watching Kenjaku, but can you both try to make sure he doesn't indulge his little curiosities while Katsuragi House is here?"

When they agree, he tells them goodnight and urges them to go to bed too. There isn't anyone in the Katsuragi clan worth losing sleep over, at least as far as he's concerned.

As for him and Sakura?

It's both complicated and not complicated at all. When he got home after the incident when he met Tengen and Sugawara, Sakura's face had apparently been swollen and when he returned it had gone down. This revealed she was actually much younger than he thought.

There were countless tall challenges ahead of her when she arrived, and none of them would be helped by being in a relationship with an older man that she felt obligated to.

Sakura's memory loss caused a difficult state of stress, where all her important human memories, like the love of her family, have been banished into an endless, abyssal pit. The pit was omniscient, omnipotent, and unyielding.

What was down there?

No one knew, and no matter how many times Sakura asked it to reveal its secrets, it remained unchanged.

At a rather desperately frustrated moment about two years after she came to them, she decided she would fast from meat and indulgent foods and pray for one thousand days, and if at the end of that thousand days, she hadn't remembered, she'd accept the void. Make peace with it, acknowledge that a part of her was missing forever and she would never get it back, and then turn fully to the future and live the live that she had now.

Kenji loved her with every drop of blood in his body, but he wanted her to enthusiastically choose him. That choice meant staying with him no matter what happened.

There are only eight days left, so he figures the gods didn't hear her after all. Or maybe they're just cruel.

He promoted her to concubine in the official capacity despite this patience because of several misunderstandings, including his father in law asking if Kenji would sell her to him, an unfortunate mess with a gardener, and some misunderstandings among the staff about her position.

Kenji thinks things between them are probably going to evolve very soon. They have strong feelings for one another, and they have a lot of fun together, often with Kenjaku, who she adores as if he is her own baby even though he's a little peculiar.

Kenji doesn't think that there is anything in the abyss that would allow her to leave Kenjaku behind, but who knows? It looks like no one will. Ever.

When morning comes, everything is abuzz, and the delegation arrives early, but Kikyo said Midori would schedule the trip so they'd arrive when nothing was ready so she could criticize Kikyo on her skills as a hostess. It happened exactly as she foretold, but they are prepared with a late breakfast as if they were expecting them to come through the door mid-morning and not in the evening.

Politics is annoying, and Fujiwara unfortunately has three neighbors: Sugawara to the northwest, Katsuragi to the southwest and south, and to the north it seems like there's someone new every other week. The fighting is bad up there, but mountains and a fear of the Sugawara-Fujiwara border keep the northern conflicts from spilling down further south.

He doesn't have to talk to the one to the north, Sugawara is surprisingly pleasant, and that just leaves Katsuragi, a lazy piece of shit in Fujiwara's estimation who definitely hoped that he and Michizane would annihilate each other and leave him the sole power in the central region of the island.

Katsuragi getting Michizane involved with his clan through marriage was sort of a dirty trick. Kenji wonders if he knows how close the Kamo and Katsuragi clans are, and that the Kamo clan used to command their own territory, but it was lost to the Tanashiro and Fujiwara clans.

They fully intend to get it back at some point.

Since the guests have been travelling, their day is mostly open so they can settle into their rooms, tour the castle grounds, rest, have a bath, and prepare for the dinner reception. The real meetings aren't happening until the next day, although he does his best to be a good host.

When walking down the hallway after breakfast, he hears a little commotion and finds Fumiko Katsuragi fussing with a slightly raised voice.

Fumiko is fussing at the servant who showed her to her room about a 'filthy, lice-ridden child' in her room, about some servant's child touching her bed.

Servants frequently bring their children to work since many are women who have lost husbands to war or illness or abandonment, but they usually don't do chores. They mostly study and play outside.

When he pushes the door open with one finger, he finds Sakura, dressed like a servant with a bonnet tied over her hair, and Kenjaku, wearing the same clothes he wears if he's going to paint or do something messy.

Kenjaku is frozen in place, holding a feather duster, and is mildly dirty.

Kenji is not really confused about what is going on, because Sakura will sometimes help the servants do this or that. She is very humble and sincerely believes that doing household chores somehow personally enriches a person, in the same way she believes cooking meals with love makes them more nourishing when they have an actual chef downstairs.

Kenji doesn't mind this as it seems to improve morale, and Kenjaku is growing up to be very kind and thoughtful toward others and the work they do.

Fumiko points. "What if he has lice? He was touching my bed."

Kenji asks, "Son, do you have lice?"

Son? Son? Son?

"Nuh-uh. I'm helping! Ms. Risa wasn't feeling well, so we decided to help her so she could rest. I helped make three beds, and we swept floors and put flowers in the rooms, and I even got to help polish the big mirror. Look how shiny!"

He points to a bronze mirror, and Kenji says, "It is very shiny."

"I help carry the supplies too! They're actually really heavy! Feel!"

Kenjaku lugs a bucket filled with cleaning tools and liquids in glass bottles over, and Kenji lifts it and determines that actually yes, the boy is right. It's very heavy, especially considering that the people who have to lug these supplies around are women. He imagines they're probably aching by the end of the day. He makes a note to address this and gives his son a pat on the head.

"Can you believe Ms. Risa carries it all day? That's probably why her back was hurting."

He really is the best little boy ever, except for that one thing that he does.

"Actually, that is surprising. She must be really strong," he answers.

Fumiko is mortified because she knows the Fujiwara clan heir's name is Kenjaku. The whole reason she had come on this trip was to meet with and establish good rapport with the Fujiwara clan.

Kenji can tell she's so embarrassed she wants to crawl under the bed and die, and while he doesn't appreciate her little outburst, there's no reason to make a big deal about it. She's clearly very stressed out because this visit is a big deal for her.

"How about we not mention any of this?" he suggests.

"I—"

"It's fine. No harm done."

She nods, and after Sakura and Kenji leave, she goes into the room and shuts the door.

Fujiwara hears his son in the hallway talking to Sakura about getting some flowers and warming some hot rocks for Ms. Risa's back.

As a father, he is so proud of him. Kenji loves him so much he thinks he'll burst sometimes, and he thinks the whole world would be in love with what a darling he is if he didn't have that one little thing about him.

He knows Risa and many other staff think he is strange and creepy because of his little habit, but he is considerate of her and wants to take care of her.

This is becoming a rather sad trend in Kenjaku's life, where people are beginning to withdraw from him even though he's quite warm and friendly.

Anyway, he's sure Fumiko Katsuragi feels like an ass. A humorous little exchange, to be sure. That kind of behavior is either out of character for her or it's normal and Sugawara will check her for it the first time she does it in front of him. A former slave is likely to be much kinder and gentler to those who occupy a lower station in life, after all.

Inside of the room, Fumiko opens the wooden windows and wants to scream at the top of her lungs at how incredibly embarrassing all of that was. Why was the heir cleaning? Why did it upset her? That doesn't even make sense?

Fumiko just wants this visit to go well.

Everything is incredibly stressful for her at the moment, as she's preparing to make a very big transition in her life. Unless something horrible happens and things go wrong, she'll probably be married to Michizane Sugawara in three months.

Fumiko is just madly in love with him, and she can barely contain her feelings. She wasn't sure what to think of him at first. She heard he was handsome, but she had her reservations about marrying a former slave. Yet when they met, she just felt like she was falling, or floating, or drifting; the feeling of love was actually a bit indescribable.

Michizane was so handsome, and those eyes, those eyes, those eyes! She really hated that he covered them up so often, but if she didn't, she'd probably just spend the rest of her life staring into them.

And it's not just his looks. He's a charismatic and kind leader, incredibly intelligent, a good soul, and she's so incredibly excited about starting her life with him. There's the obvious perks of marriage—she wants that handsome man to do horrible things to her, after all—but she also yearns for freedom from her family.

Her mother Midori is somewhat of a demon to her, because while Midori was praised for her looks, and her brother Daisuke took after her making him a handsome man too, she inherited her looks from her father. She'd faced criticisms throughout her life that have led to a bundle of insecurities tangled together into one huge knot at the center of her sense of selt.

Fumiko had small eyes that were too far apart, thin lips, small breasts but big thighs, skin that was prone to acne, brown hair with a slight texture to it…these were her mother's criticisms, and they were many. After being raised to sincerely believe that good looks were a woman's best bet for achieving any kind of meaningful success, she is left wondering how someone like her is seemingly about to be very successful.

Michizane makes her feel pretty and encourages her to be her own person and have confidence to work past those insecurities, and getting to know him has changed her life in ways she never expected. She wants to be a better person who can help him accomplish all his goals.

She's counting down the days until she will stay with him forever.

Fumiko hopes to be someone more like Lady Kikyo, who is politically powerful, not for the sake of being powerful, but so she can assist him with his mission of helping the people in his territory.

Fumiko doesn't want to be like everyone thinks she's going to be, just a political marriage partner who has nothing to contribute to helping Michizane in any other way besides popping out an heir.

After a light lunch and a nap, the women in their traveling party have use of the women's bath for an hour so they can be freshly bathed at the reception, and once that is done, she returns to her room, only to be visited by her mother who wants to get ready with her.

Fumiko thought about how strange it would be in the near future where she can live a single day of her life without being reminded that her shape is disappointing and that there is nothing she can do to help herself.

When she told her mother that she wanted to do good things with her life, her mother said that she had to do something to make herself likeable since being cute wasn't an option.

Yet with her brother, who has all the benefits of being the firstborn, the leader of the clan, and the heir who controls the territory, their mother is quite different. Midori loves her son and seems disappointed in her daughter, as if having an unattractive daughter reflects poorly on her somehow.

Fumiko dresses, pins her hair up, and does her makeup while her mother does the same, offering her quaint criticisms of the castle, the accommodations, the hospitality, and so forth. And, of course her daughter.

Her mother, even at her age, still has thick, smooth brown hair and green eyes, and almost always wears elaborate green kimonos to events like this, since her name means green. It's very much a theme for Midori, to the point that other people will avoid the color because her green kimonos will always be lavish, vibrantly colored and embellished with gold thread.

The kimono Lady Midori is wearing to this dinner is intensely colored, shades of turquoise, and blue, green, with a gold floral pattern. She has hairsticks embellished with feathers from an exotic bird that came from a distant land on the continent, a peacock. A merchant brought a few to Heian Kyo and the Katsuragi clan was keeping them in their tea garden.

Fumiko's outfit was considerably less 'loud,' a lavender kimono with a floral pattern painted on and a yellow belt. It was still very beautiful, but…

"If you're plain in the face, it's foolish to wear fancy things. It'll make it seem like you're trying to compensate for your looks with your robes," she reminds her daughter, as Fumiko surveys how differently they are going to be dressed.

Midori is the matron of the clan, and a widow, so if anything, conventional wisdom would dictate that she have a more muted ensemble, especially since her daughter was the one making a debut of sorts with the Fujiwara clan.

Fumiko knew her mother always made everything about herself, but it was humiliating for her to steal even this moment from her. Sometimes she wondered if her mother was mentally ill and wasn't capable of understanding how inappropriate and terrible her behavior was.

"You look like you're mad about something," Midori says as she slides a hairstick into her hair.

"It's nothing."

"Your face says otherwise. That pout really doesn't help you at all."

Fumiko says, "If I have a daughter someday, I'm never going to make her feel like she's ugly."

Midori answers, "If you have a daughter, she will hopefully take after Sugawara. He's such a beautiful man, isn't he? Or maybe she'll take after me. That would be something, wouldn't it? But with any luck, you'll only have sons."

"Was becoming mother to a daughter really so terrible?" she asks.

"When you get pregnant, hopefully in the next year, you're never going to hear your husband say he hopes the baby is a girl. You will know every day that he wants a son, and then when the day finally comes, and you experience the worst pain a human being can know, there is a moment where you either get to show off to your husband that you've given him the son he wanted, or you will be disappointed. That's just how the world is. Men are celebrated for merely existing while we have to do something to make ourselves valuable if we want the sun to shine on us."

When she sees her daughter's mortified expression, she adds, "Don't be like that. Don't forget that I am also a woman. Every mother disappointed she has given birth to a daughter is only echoing the sentiment of her own birth."

When it's time for the reception, they run into Daisuke Katsuragi and Kenji Fujiwara in the hallway, as they've just come from having a little drink before dinner.

Kenji is a little surprised at Midori, dressed like some sort of unmarried imperial princess with those bird feathers while her daughter is dressed like some lower-ranked noble. In a culture where many things were communicated through dress, their outfits seemed to reflect the weird gossip that came out about the Katsuragi clan.

Daisuke seems a little embarrassed as well, but he doesn't say anything. To Kenji, this really all seems like Lady Midori would rather humiliate her daughter than be viewed as 'less' than her. Kikyo calls this woman one of the most naturally evil people she has ever met, and he thinks maybe she wasn't exaggerating. Fumiko is being introduced to nobles who have the closest alliance with her future husband. The whole reason they brought her on this trip was to make this introduction.

Fumiko looks upset, like she's ready to burst into tears right there, although they don't know this is due to the combined weight of her outfit, her mother explaining how disappointing it was to have her, her insistence that her future children would be cute if they took after their father, and so forth.

Daisuke and Kenji are wearing dark blue and black hakama sets, decidedly simpler and muted attire and yet somehow still suitable for a dinner at which a widowed grandmother will be wearing peacock feathers stuck all around her head.

Daisuke says, "Look at my little sister. She's beautiful, right?"

Kenji nods. "Indeed. You know what, actually? Miss Katsuragi, come with me."

"Where?"

"It's a secret. Lord Katsuragi, go on with Lady Midori," Kenji answers, saying the lord's title in a mocking tone as a sign of casual but benign disrespect.

"As you wish, Lord Fujiwara," Daisuke Katsuragi answers, equally as irreverently.

Daisuke shrugs and continues on to the dining hall with his mother.

Once seated, he leans over and whispers, "Please don't be mean to Fumiko in front of these people. Lady Kikyo will tell everyone.

Kikyo's plan is to humiliate Midori by making her sit next to a very polished Sakura, but in that scenario, Kenji thinks that Fumiko will be collateral damage. He has spent a lot of time talking to women over the past few years and has learned a lot about their inner workings, so he thinks that he has a better idea. He decides that he, as a man, will meddle in the affairs and social aggressions of the women, something quite rare for a man to do.

He brings Fumiko to Sakura's bedroom, and tells her to go inside, then brings Sakura out into the hallway, where he says, "I need you to do me a favor and skip the dinner tonight. I'll talk to Kikyo. But, can you put your kimono on Fumiko Katsuragi? Make her look as pretty as possible. Fix her hair up and tie her obi like when you do it in a flower, whatever you can do in about twenty minutes. Tell her the kimono is a gift from Fujiwara House. I'll get you a new one. If you can do something strange and extravagant with her hair, even better."

"You don't have to do that, but okay!"

Sakura, who didn't want to be part of the vengeance plan in the first place, is relieved. She's also a bit confused about why Kenji is interested in how this woman is fashioned for dinner.

Fumiko meanwhile has no idea who this person is, but it only takes a couple of minutes to come up with a guess she thinks is probably correct. It's a beautiful young woman living in the personal wing of the lord, in a room filled with the finest things imaginable.

"You're a concubine?"

"Mhmm. My name is Sakura. We're switching outfits, if that's okay."

Sakura is wearing the most beautiful kimono Fumiko ever seen in her life, a light green ensemble with gold thread forming tree branches, with the silhouettes of little birds. There's a pink belt and Sakura has little gold leaves pinned in her hair. The kimono also has butterfly sleeves, something only a virgin would normally be wearing, so she wonders why a concubine wouldn't be having sex with her partner, but that's completely beside the point.

The concubine is lovely, with her green eyes and pink hair, almost unbelievably so.

Her kimono is too fancy for a girl like Fumiko, according to her mother, and it is also green, a color she's never worn once in her life.

Sakura is very sweet to her as they go through this chaotic, fast change. Silk rustles, hair is unpinned and pinned back up, fabric is everywhere—there is simply no understating how much fabric is involved in two full formal kimonos with butterfly sleeves. There's so much fabric they are heavy to wear and even putting them on is an art unto itself.

"I think people with brown hair look really good in green. It kind of reminds me…the forest maybe? Like something fresh and wild and pure," Sakura says.

She's just really, really nice?

While Sakura is fixing the front of her hair, Fumiko realizes that it's the same person who was in her room earlier cleaning with Kenjaku, and she just didn't immediately recognized her because her hair was covered earlier.

"I yelled at you earlier. Sorry. I'm so sorry. You're being nice to me, and I was horrible earlier."

"It's fine. It was just a misunderstanding. No reason to worry about it now. That was earlier and this now. If we let what already happened bother us, it won't help anyone. I'm sure I'd be tired and cranky after a long trip too."

This is Sakura's magic, the ability to apply grace to any situation, no matter what it is.

Sakura disappears after Fumiko's hair a lot more elaborate, and returns with a bouquet of pink flowers from the hallway. "My hair is pink, so these wouldn't show up. But your hair is darker, so we can do this instead and it's going to be great."

With the delicate, lovely pink blossoms pinned in her hair, and a little greener from actual leaves tucked into her brown hair, the beautiful light green kimono with its pink belt tied in an elaborate flower-like bow, Fumiko feels…different.

Pretty.

She wishes Michizane was there to see her like this.

Fumiko wants to linger in front of the tall bronze mirror in Sakura's room and just look at herself, but she's late for dinner, and after a surprise splash of perfume, and some lip stain, Sakura whisks her back down the hall in her undergarment to the door that separates their wing from the rest of the castle and tells Fumiko the right way to get back to the dining hall.

Fumiko is fashionably late, as all of the guests are already seated.

Her mother seems surprised and then perceptibly angry as Fumiko takes her seat beside her. Is her mother mad she's wearing green? Or about the fact she wasn't the only one with elaborately ornamented hair? That she didn't get to control every aspect of everything?

It's actually kind of exhilarating, but she knows she's going to be in trouble later. Her mother did not take challenges or loss of control well, and there would be hell to pay later. Fumiko already knew her mother was going to mock her for being an ugly girl in a pretty kimono, tell her how terrible she looked, and so forth.

Kikyo is just as pleased with this outcome; using Midori's daughter to make her feel old and withered is probably even sweeter than using a stranger to do it.

The dinner goes well, and Fumiko has a surprisingly nice time. It's a relief, since she'd been so nervous.

Kenji is pleased with the outcome, as he didn't want a guest in his home, especially one about to marry his closest political ally, to have a bad time. He also just genuinely felt bad for her because it was not a secret that Midori was mean to her.

Besides, Kikyo married him and separated herself from the goals and influences of her clan, which somewhat defeated their reason for sending her to him. Because that happened, he knew if Fumiko settled in with Sugawara and became principally loyal to him, she wouldn't allow her family to have influence over Sugawara.

After dinner, Sakura goes to find Sakura and thank her for everything and ends up getting dragged out into the garden by Sakura and Kikyo. They drink peach wine sent over as a gift from Sugawara and spend hours just talking and laughing and drinking.

It's possibly the best night of Fumiko's life, giggling under the stars with her hair full of flowers. They talk about politics, and kimonos, and fashion, and family, and all sorts of things, all without anyone ever putting her down or making her feel like she's not worthy of her place in life.

She learns all about Sakura and her difficult and strange journey, about her memory loss and head injury and the nearly thousand days she has been fasting from indulgent food and praying in hopes of remembering anything.

That all seems really sad, because she's such a kind person.

When Fumiko heads inside to her room, she spends almost an hour sitting in front of the mirror before she takes her hair down, dresses for bed, and extinguishes the lamps.

It's when she's floating somewhere between sleep and consciousness that she remembers something that has been far from her mind.

Didn't Michizane say the girl he loved before had pink hair? Ayame? That was her name.

She decided she'd tell Kikyo and Sakura in the morning, because even though she had passed away, there couldn't be that many women with pink hair. It might be a clue about where Sakura came from or something like that.

And then, she kept thinking.

Sakura? Pink hair.

Ayame? Pink hair.

Sakura? Green eyes.

Ayame? Green eyes.

Sakura? About twenty.

Ayame? Would be about twenty if she was still alive.

Sakura? One of the clues they've found is that she knows shrine rituals.

Ayame? Shrine maiden

Sakura? Something bad happened to her in the winter before Tanashiro died.

Ayame? Something bad happened to her in the winter before Tanashiro died.

Fumiko was really the first person besides Tengen that Michizane had really talked to about Ayame, and one thing that he said was that she just had this very sweet presence, which was exactly the same thing that Fumiko felt.

And unlike Tengen, Fumiko knows that the only thing in Ayame's grave is her flute. There was no body. Michizane never found her remains.

What if Ayame Tengen didn't die, when she fell off the mountain, but instead hit her head and lost her memories, and some horrible people probably dragged her to Nara to sell her? That would explain the absence of Ayame's remains and the presence of Sakura in this city.

Sakura prayed for almost one thousand days to learn what her real name is, and Fumiko jumps out of her bed to go tell her right then and there that she might know, but as she reaches for the door, reality catches up with her.

Ayame Tengen is Michizane's first love, and she is, unquestionably, the most beautiful woman that Fumiko has ever met. It's not just that. She's wonderful. As a whole person.

Ayame is like Michizane: lovely inside and out.

Even in her mind, she imagines that she is a third party, hearing a story about a slave and shrine maiden who fall in love, and are separated by tragedy, only to find each other years later and live happily ever after.

That would be a really great story, and Michizane and Ayame are good people who deserve that.

Fumiko realizes that if she tells Ayame her name, tells her where she came from, tells her that she has her first love and her sister who would be overjoyed to see her again, she would be turning her own fairytale into a tragedy.

It's not like he would choose her.

Ayame is the first love; Fumiko is just a potential arranged marriage partner.

If she tells, her life will fall apart, and she will remain with her family until a different arrangement is made for her. And certainly, that person won't be Michizane Sugawara.

Michizane is her first love, so shouldn't that count for something?

Fumiko thinks is probably some sort of a miracle that this hasn't already been discovered, because Fujiwara and Sugawara are close allies. They have visited each other, so it must have been some sort of strange happenstance that Michizane and Ayame didn't already meet.

Then she lays in her bed and decides it's all a big coincidence. A misunderstanding. The fact it hasn't been figured out is proof that it's not real. Surely, Michizane has already crossed paths with Sakura and since they don't know each other, it didn't matter.

Fumiko convinces herself she was wrong and all of that was just thinking crazy, and then falls asleep, content to believe she just had too much wine.

When morning comes, she pretends none of her thoughts ever happened and turns her attention to the day's activity, a shopping trip for the women while the men argue about roads.

That's exciting.

There's a big fuss after breakfast; Midori is being difficult, probably still pouting about the dinner the evening before, or maybe because her daughter experienced joy without her permission.

Kikyo is left annoyed in a small tearoom where Lady Midori left her coin purse on a table, and instead of assuming she misplaced it, had already accused the servants of stealing it.

As she stares at the offending silk purse, she's had enough of that woman, and it is still very early.

Hearing the pitter-patter of little feet, she realizes Kenjaku has escaped from his keeper and is free in the house.

"Good morning, Mama."

"Hello, Son. Are you well today?"

"Mhmm!"

"And behaving?"

He doesn't answer this question, and she says, "Well, are you behaving?"

"I don't wanna tell any lies."

Kikyo says, "That is fair, and I respect that. As for me, I don't like the person who owns this purse. Can you find me a dead animal that will fit inside of this purse?"

"Anything for you, Mama. There's a dead snake under bushes by the stables. It smells bad. We can put the head in there," he cheerfully answers, delighted this his usually distant mother is doing his favorite activity with him.

"Perfect."

She gives Kenjaku the purse, and he runs outside and returns it a mere two minutes later, out of breath.

Kikyo grins mischievously before placing it back on the table. As she marches her son down the hall to wash his hands, she passes Midori in the hall just as she remembers she might have left the purse in the tearoom.

Midori collects the purse, decides it feels as heavy as she remembers, and prepares for her shopping trip.

While they are out, going from shop to shop in Nara's merchant district, they peruse fine silks and jewelry, and various goods traded from afar. Since Sugawara has begun trade with the continent, there are goods from overseas in Nara that don't exist in Heian Kyo due to the alliance between Sugawara and Fujiwara. Heian Kyo is no longer the only place where a meaningful amount of foreign goods are traded.

Midori throws her nose up at most of it, because Heian Kyo thinks itself the shining star of the island, and admitting Nara is rising feels insulting to her. So she doesn't open the coin purse.

Over time, the rotting smell soaks through the silk, and they occasionally get whiffs of the smell of death.

Midori keeps complaining that the city stinks, but their traveling group becomes acutely aware that the smell seems to be coming from her.

When Midori finally sees something she can't say no to, she opens the coin purse, reaches inside for a string of gold coins, and instead grabs a rotten snake head, which practically collapses in her hand, covering it in stinky ooze.

As a benefit, the snake head was also covered in ants.

The shopkeeper doesn't care who the hell they are, when Midori threw the snake head, screaming, and unleashed that awful smell, he threw the entire party out, cursing at them.

She is left screaming, horrified, stinking of death, and humiliated, and that is perfect, wonderful, a lovely outcome for an unlovely person.

Midori is left complaining in the carriage about how her daughter humiliated her the night before but refuses to elaborate on how, and then about how some horrible witch must have put the snake in her purse in order to curse her.

She's in a wretched mood when they arrive back at the castle, and sulks back to her room.

The women are scheduled to eat dinner separately on the second night, a much less formal event that Midori does not bother attending. Kikyo also decides to skip and leaves the others.

Sakura and Fumiko got along so well the night before that she assumed they'd have a good time together.

Instead, she takes custody of Kenjaku from his aunt who has been watching him.

"The ants were a nice touch. Thank you."

He gives her a wide smile.

"Do you want to have dinner with me tonight? Just you and me."

Kenjaku can't remember a time this has ever happened, and it makes him so happy because he has so many things he wants to talk about with his mother. And Kikyo, who has largely avoided him, discovers he's actually quite a joy to be around. He has all these little mannerisms that he has copied from his father, and it's cute.

Yes, except for that one thing, Kenjaku is a good son.

She resolves that she will try to spend more time with him.

The rest of the visit goes splendidly; they hide a dead rat in Midori's room, and another in her luggage as she's packing to leave.

Meanwhile, after their night drinking in the garden, Sakura noticed that Fumiko was really avoiding her.

Before they depart on the final day, Sakura approaches Fumiko in the garden, thinking she may have inadvertently offended her. As far as she knows, there is no reason for her to become so chilly so suddenly.

Sakura asks, "Since you're leaving, I just wanted to apologize if I did something that caused you discomfort. It was not my intention. I am very happy that we got to meet, and I'm very excited for your future. I've heard Lord Sugawara is a wonderful man, and I hope you're very you're very happy together."

Fumiko answers, "You didn't do anything to offend me. I'm just…there are a lot of challenges in my life right now and I am just a bit distracted, that's all. I'm glad that we met as well. I hope you're happy here with Lord Fujiwara."

But then, her suspiciousness and curiosities overwhelm her, and she wants to know for sure if the question haunting her mind is just madness or if she's actually stumbled on some great secret.

"Do you by any chance play the flute?" she asks.

Sakura nods. "I do, actually. I don't remember learning it, but for some reason, it's something I didn't forget. One day, I picked one up and I just knew what to do. It was so strange."

There's just no way that there were two pink-haired, green eyed girls the same age, who had close ties to a shrine, who had the same personality, who both played the flute, who both had something absolutely terrible happen to them five years ago, in the winter.

There's not room for doubt in Fumiko's mind anymore.

This is definitely Ayame Tengen.

Ayame fasted and prayed for one thousand days for the gods to tell her what her real name is, and here she is.

She could say it.

It would take almost no effort. A single breath.

But why should it be her duty to say it? Was she sent on some sort of divine mission to answer this woman's prayers?

That single breath would cost Fumiko her entire future, and yet she knew that if their roles were switched, Sakura would do it for her, no matter the cost. There is a voice in the back of her mind that tells her that alone proves she's the one who deserves to live happily ever after.

Sakura stares at her, a little perplexed, and then her eyes widen. "Do you…do you know something about me?"

"N-No, of course not."

She didn't say it with enough conviction that it sounded believable even to Sakura.

"Please!"

There is a weight in the space between them that causes Sakura to unravel because how did she know she could play the flute? Was that why she'd become distant? Because she knew something?

Sakura's eyes immediately water, and she says, "Please, if there's something. Anything. Even if it's something small. I'll do anything. Please. Please. You knew I could play. Is there anything else?"

"I said I didn't know. I'm not lying to you. How can you think I would be that cruel to you? To know everything you're going through and not tell you if I had anything to tell you at all?" she answers.

This lie is more confident, and while Sakura is usually quick to believe whatever others might say, guessing she played the flute was too much for her naivete to simply excuse.

Fumiko isn't cruel. If she could tell Sakura her name and that she had people who loved her, a sister and Michizane, without her entire life imploding, she would.

She thinks that none of it is fair.

As things are, she has Kenji Fujiwara eating out of her hand, waiting for her to commit herself to him. They love each other. If she tells Sakura who she is, she'll be faced with the 'misfortune' of having two handsome, powerful lords who love her wholly, and Fumiko will end up with nothing.

Fujiwara and Sugawara know each other, and this information will inevitably be discovered some other way. It's perhaps a miracle it hasn't been figured out by someone else before now.

But if that happened in a couple of years, when she's married, and Sakura is with Fujiwara, and perhaps she's even had a child with Sugawara, then it wouldn't be so bad. There is a point in the future when the truth won't change the future at all.

She doesn't think he would leave her if they had a child, or that Sakura would leave Fujiwara once they begin their relationship in earnest.

Fumiko reasons that if she just waits and lets it happen some other way, they'll both be happy and they will both be loved, but if she reveals the truth, Sakura would have to choose and Fumiko wouldn't have any choice at all.

If she stays quiet, both the men and both of women will be loved.

If she speaks, two people will be broken.

It's the right thing to do, staying quiet.

Sakura reaches out for her hands, and holding Fumiko's hands in hers, pleads again.

"Please. Please. Please."

"No, I don't know anything. I have to get ready to leave."

Unlike the trapper, the merchant, the doctor, the brothel mistress, and the gardener, Fumiko is from a sorcery clan. She senses the exact moment that it happens to her. For the slightest instant, she sees a flash in her mind, of a torii gate surrounded in skulls. Her soul practically shakes in pure terror, as she jerks her hands back.

"What did you just do to me?" she asks.

"What?"

Fumiko physically pushes her back, and she stumbled. "What did you just do to me? I felt it. You did something to me. Your hands."

Sakura answers, "I didn't do anything."

"That was a technique. I'm not stupid. I'm from a sorcery clan, I know what I know! That was scary, and it was powerful. Tell me what you just did to me!"

Kenjaku is digging in the bushes nearby, definitely not for a dead bird a cat buried, but just for fun. He sees someone yelling at Sakura and he doesn't like it. No one would dare, first of all, because she holds an esteemed position in their family and even Kenjaku understands that. And second, Sakura is the nice one, and it's wrong for anyone to be mean to her.

He thinks about going inside to get help but then remembers his fun adventure with his mom. It really seems like all the other people in the world don't enjoy the things that he enjoys.

Kenjaku digs up a half-eaten, partially decomposed bird, walks over to where Fumiko is yelling at Sakura because she's actually very scared about what just happened. Whatever happened to her, it was terrifyingly powerful, and it frightened her.

Sakura has absolutely no idea what is going on and finds this whole situation confusing. It really seems like Fumiko somehow knows something about her, and while she was pleading to find out what that might be, Fumiko started yelling at her and accusing her of doing sorcery on her.

She doesn't have enough cursed energy to do any sorcery, much less anything that would actually hurt or frighten someone.

Fumiko sees Kenjaku suddenly enter her field of vision, and he stomps over to her like a soldier on a mission and takes one of her hands. She's not really sure what's happening, but she doesn't want to fuss about the heir again.

Kenjaku puts the dead bird in her hand and very firmly says, "Don't yell at my friend or something bad will happen."

The threat is that he will get a grownup to come help if she doesn't stop, but this is not how the messaging was received. She screams, drops the bird, and runs inside.

Sakura realizes that Kenjaku has learned he can use his hobby to terrorize other people, and she's not really sure what to make of that. "That wasn't nice."

"Don't worry. I'll protect you, Mama, Papa, and everyone. Even if I'm not nice sometimes."

"Let's go wash your hands. And don't threaten grownups. It's actually very rude."

Kenjaku doesn't really care if it's rude or not.

Inside, Fumiko cleans up, her heart still racing.

She had no idea what happened to her, but she doesn't want to talk about the argument in the garden with anyone else. The Fujiwara family is incredibly loyal to one another, and they will turn on her if they think she's purposefully withholding information that would help Sakura. Even the little boy was fierce about his father's concubine.

Even worse, if things sour between them enough, they might tell Michizane about it, and that conversation might lead to the accidental discovery of Ayame Tengen, in which case she'd be outed as a liar and lose everything.

Whatever it was, it couldn't be that bad, right?