I spent the rest of the night lying on my back on the soft, comforting mattress, my hand resting over my face. The events of the monorail kept swirling through my mind, like a relentless parasite that wouldn't leave me alone.
My heart felt so heavy, as if a physical weight was pressing down on it, weighing me down and keeping me from getting up from the bed. I was unable to move, unable to shake off the memories that haunted me.
I screwed up.
What am I supposed to do now? Is that still worthy to go to school tomorrow?
Going to school would mean seeing Yukinoshita after the argument we had tonight. The ambiance is gonna be likely awkward or heavy. I don't wanna live that. I just don't feel like it.
The door of my bedroom abruptly opened.
"Onii-chan!" My little sister entered the room.
Her eyes held a very intense glare at me. Her fingers were clenched tightly around her phone.
What have I done again?
"What have you done?"
I asked myself the same question.
"Leave me alone... I need to rest."
"I know something happened with Yukino-san!"
I immediately looked at her. She knew something? How? Why? When?
"Who told you?"
"She wrote me herself." Komachi affirmed, showing the screen of her phone with the message :'Please tell him that I am sorry.'from Yukinoshita.
She even wrote her? She didn't have to. though... I had probably been harsher than I intended earlier for her to go through the effort to contact my sister.
"Nothing much happened between us. We just... a little argued but-"
"What was the topic of your argument?" Komachi cut me off.
My hand still resting on my face, I sighed. "None of your business."
But as expected, she only answered with a frown. Komachi leaned against the door of my room and put her phone in her pocket.
"You know what, Onii-chan? I'll stay here until you decide to tell me." She crossed her arms.
"Seriously?"
"Yes, even if that means sleeping all the night here!" Komachi was determined.
So I'm stuck here now?
Based on the expression on her face, she really does mean her words. And knowing her personality, she's the kind of girl who would really do something like that.
Komachi will pass her exams soon, I shouldn't let her waste her time here. She should be studying. Even though it's her own choice, she's just worried about someone she cares about.
I finally let out a defeated sigh.
"I think I screwed up."
"Not surprising. Elaborate."
"She was worried, she just wanted to know. But I lied, and ran away."
Those hints should be enough for her to understand what I mean. I know she's gonna remind me how much of an idiot I am now.
"Onii-chan..."
"..."
"They still don't know, do they?" She finally asked.
"...No."
"I knew you didn't tell them. Now, I get why Yui-san has been asking me so much about you."
Yuigahama was just as concerned?
Instead of asking me directly, she asked my sister. Because she knew I wouldn't tell her, she didn't expect me to be honest with her. Only Yukinoshita did, but when I see how it ended...
Though, she had always hoped that I'd be honest with her, that I would open up. But I completely failed her expectations. I never let myself make a choice based on my feelings because I was scared.
"You're truly an idiot, you know that?" Komachi walked toward my bed and sat down beside me. "And not only are you an idiot, you're also a coward."
Her words hit me profoundly.
A coward? Was I being a coward all this time?
I evaded telling the truth, driven by fear of the potential repercussions. I was afraid of the reactions and expressions that would surface in response to my words. With no other recourse, I resorted to lying and running away from the situation.
So, was I being a coward all this time? The answer is : Yes.
"Yukino-san hates lies, but she has always tolerated yours. You're taking advantage of her patience a bit too much, don't you think?"
I don't like the words she used to describe it, but I can't deny the truth in them.
"You're right."
"Finally, you admit it."
The dark shadows outside seeped through the windows and filled the room, casting a deep twilight. I didn't even bother to flick on the light switch. I lowered my hand from my face and silently observed as my younger sister settled herself on the edge of my bed.
"Are you aware of how long you've got left?" Komachi said, her eyes meeting mine.
"I know."
"So you better tell them soon, or I'll do it myself. And I don't care if you agree with this or not. I can't stand them telling me how worried they are about you and me not revealing everything."
"You didn't?"
She's been hiding it as well... I can't tell if this was the right thing to do or not. In a way, she also lied to cover me.
"You're the one who should tell them."
Hiratsuka-sensei told me the same thing. Both of them had the possibility to reveal everything to Yukinoshita and Yuigahama, but they didn't, thinking it's my job to do that.
I get it, but how shall I say it? I don't know. I never knew. I thought more about how not to tell it than how to tell it.
"How?"
"However you feel like, idiot." She said, glancing at the window. "Anyway, their reactions will be the same no matter what."
"They will be hurt."
Komachi nodded. "But they will be even more hurt if you keep it hidden until it's too late."
There's no escaping it now; I need to confront the situation head-on. The path that lies ahead remains uncertain, yet confrontation seems unavoidable.
Komachi checked the time on her phone.
"It's already 9pm, did you take them?"
Ah, I almost forgot.
"No, luckily you're here to remind me." I sat up.
"Don't move, I'll get them for you. You said you needed rest, didn't you?" Komachi got up.
"I'm glad to have a cute little sister to take care of me." I smiled.
"Huh, always. But since my big bro's condition is pathetic, this is like a new job for me. However, I won't pretend that I don't appreciate it. Oh, that'll score a lot of Komachi points!" She said, walking away from my bedroom.
I remember wondering if I should go to school tomorrow. I think my mind is made up, I will go.
The first step I needed to take was to apologize to Yukinoshita for my earlier rudeness. It was the absolute least I could do to make amends for being so unkind. She had always been so patient with me, but instead of reciprocating, I had coldly rejected her and dismissed her concerns.
I couldn't just brush it aside any longer; an apology was well overdue.
There's also the fact I'll be in her home with Yuigahama and Isshiki. Maybe I'll reveal it there? Though, would it be the right moment?
No, I couldn't bother Isshiki now. She's already juggling her grandfather's affairs; adding my own problems on top of that would only worsen the atmosphere. It wouldn't be fair to burden her with my troubles when she has enough to deal with as it is.
"..."
This won't be easy...
Yesterday's outing was fun. Thanks to that, I managed to lighten the heavy ambiance that had lingered within the club for too long.
Since Hikki's sudden absence last week, things have been so tense between the three of us. His determination to keep all his burdens and problems to himself is unhealthy. Yukinon and I have been so worried about him and even today, his reasons for doing so remain unknown to us.
Yukinon somehow agreed with Hikki to not push the matter, but I didn't. I knew I would not manage to get something out of him if I tried. This... This is not something I am in the position to do. Only Yukinon can manage that. Deep down, I know it.
And that pains me. That pains me to know that only Yukinon has this effect on him, but not me. Even if I always know it, I can't get used to live with it every day. I try, but it's hard.
So, all I could do was contact Komachi-chan and get information from her. But I didn't learn much. Maybe she isn't aware of what Hikki is going through, or she might do but doesn't want to tell me either.
Honestly, both of these options scare me. Whether it is the first or the second option, it means that what Hikki is hiding may be much bigger than we can imagine.
There was also Iroha-chan's matter. I really feel bad for what is happening to her and her family. They're losing a precious member, after all. Iroha-chan just wants to be able to spend as much time as possible with her grandpa before he passes away... And we're here to help her doing so.
I hope what Hikki has done is really working, because if we fail Hanoru's birthday it'll be over.
But, I believe that everything will be fine for them. Iroha-chan loves him very much. She'll show him that he hasn't to feel guilty. Yet, I don't know what she had planned to offer him for his birthday, but I trust her for this.
Huh, my mind isn't resting a lot recently.
"Are you okay, Yui?" Yumiko suddenly called me out.
"A-Ah, yes I'm okay."
"You sure? You looked absent earlier."
"I was just thinking about the request the Service Club is currently doing. But nothing much to worry about, really. So, it's okay." I reassured.
Yumiko took my words and didn't question the sincerity in them. I feel grateful she hasn't tried to push it any further.
I glanced again at Hikki's seat in the classroom but something was off.
I realized he had just disappeared. I'm pretty sure he was sitting there like one minute ago but now he isn't anymore.
He probably went to the usual spot where he habitually waits for me. I don't know how long he's gone but I shouldn't make him wait any longer.
"I'm gonna leave guys, see you tomorrow." I said, as I prepared to leave.
"See you." Yumiko answered.
"Take care, and good luck with the request." Hayato said.
"Bye bye! " Tobe waved.
After everyone said goodbye, I walked out of the classroom and looked around.
Of course, Hikki wouldn't wait me here. I really don't get why he always need to be so far from the classroom to wait.
Anyway, I made my way to the spot he should be.
I arrived, but there was no sign of his presence there.
How... Did he directly go to the clubroom?
Did he feel the need to come to Yukinon with the intention of talking to her alone? Did he have something important to discuss with her?
No, stop with those kind of thoughts, Yui. This is not the right time. And he might have gone to bathroom, so...
Yeah, there is no reason to overthink it.
I walked through the corridors of the building, glancing at the windows, the weather was cloudy today. The snow that had fallen yesterday stayed.
The door of the clubroom got closer and closer until it appeared in front of me. I placed my hand on the handle of the door as my mind was already imagining the best 'Yahallo' I would do in a few seconds.
"Yaha-" I stopped, seeing that the sight before me was... unusual. "H-Hikki, you're not sitting at your usual seat..?"
"Ahem, Yo." He only said.
"Good afternoon, Yuigahama-san." Yukinon stood up and grabbed two cups to pour them with the tea.
What did I just see?
I stood here, in front of the door staring at them.
I feel like I interrupted something between them. Yukino seemed to be smiling at him, and that puzzled me. It was clear that Hikki had come to the clubroom to speak to her, and sitting there together indicated something important was at hand.
The way their gazes were fixed on each other conveyed a sense of deep understanding and connection, an expression that I could only describe as...
I couldn't quite grasp it, but there was undeniable intimacy between them.
Maybe, I'm reading too much into it, but deep down, I believe I may be onto something. With each step I take towards the truth, my heart tightens in my chest. I didn't want to admit it to myself, as much as it hurt to realize the possibility, but I couldn't ignore the mounting evidence before me.
...
Pov : Yukino Yukinoshita
...
Ring!
The shrill sound of the bell tore me away from the thoughts that had consumed me since the previous night.
I was preoccupied with memories of the argument in the monorail, Nee-san's late-night visit, and the revelation of my feelings for Hikigaya-kun, all of which kept my mind in turmoil. It was difficult to concentrate on anything else when my thoughts were entangled in such a tumultuous state.
Now, I had to go to the clubroom and meet him and Yuigahama-san.
I gathered my things and stood up.
When I left the classroom, the rhythm of my heart speeded up. The idea of facing Hikigaya-kun is something I look forward to. But despite the fact I tell myself that I have to do it, I can't help but stress.
Now that I am aware of my own feelings, it becomes even harder to think straight.
I got the key to the clubroom in the teachers' room, each step towards my destination only accentuated the speed of my heartbeat. I fear that we won't manage to maintain a proper ambiance in the clubroom, if things turn out to go this way, it'll even affect the whole meeting at my place.
Opening the door, I took the sight of the empty room. I knew I had a few minutes to prepare the tea and myself mentally for when Hikigaya-kun arrives.
"Yukinoshita." A male voice suddenly emerged from behind me.
I tensed and turned around.
It was him - Hikigaya-kun, and he had arrived even sooner than I had anticipated. He stood before me, and the mere presence of him was enough to send my pulse into overdrive.
"You scared me..."
"A-Ah, excuse me for that." He apologized.
"S-Shall we?"
"Yeah..."
We entered the clubroom together.
To my surprise, Hikigaya-kun seemed calm and composed. I was expecting him to arrive in a detached and distant manner, shying away from any interaction with me. But instead, he's the first I see here.
I placed my bag next to my seat and began to prepare the tea.
"Yuigahama-san isn't with you?"
"She's with her friends, I left before her."
Normally, he would wait for her, but today he didn't. I kept staring at the cups; the thought that he might have come specifically to see me alone danced through my thoughts as we stayed there in silence, neither of us sure of how to start the conversation.
I hesitated to bring up what happened yesterday or not. He seems calm, I'm afraid that if I talk about it, he would get angry. I know that his sister, Komachi-san had seen my message.
Did he forgive me?
The sound of a chair being moved and put down echoed through the room. I turned around, and my eyes slightly widened.
"...The tea will be ready in a few minutes.." I said.
Hikigaya-kun had moved his chair from his usual spot to next to mine, on my left. The same place he had taken the day he... confessed that he wanted something genuine.
That means... He might want to talk to me about something important.
I took my seat in front of him. If I am right, then this place should fit better for this situation.
My fingers fidgeted nervously under the table as we just looked at each other in silence.
Hikigaya-kun then took a deep breath and finally spoke.
"There was something I wanted to tell you."
I was right.
"About yesterday..."
I was afraid of bringing the topic up, but he did it by himself.
"I didn't mean to be so rude to you. The ambiance got heavy, and I tried to find a way out of it. So... If I hurt you that night, I am sincerely sorry." He explained, bowing slightly.
That's... I don't know what to say.
My heart swelled with warmth as he apologized to me. His voice was steady and measured, tinged with the simultaneous undercurrents of maturity and guilt. His words touched me, their weight carrying a sense of genuine remorse and sincerity.
"I... I apologize too."
"For?" He raised an eyebrow.
"I disregarded our agreement."
He leaned back and scratched his hair. "I don't blame you for that. I understand why you acted this way. It was all my fault."
"So, you admit it."
"I've been lying far too much to you and Yuigahama. I wanna stop running away. That's why... I must be truthful, especially with you," he said, his fists slowly clenching.
Especially with me..? What does that mean? Be clearer, idiot. Or I'll feel my cheeks heating up for no reason again...
A gentle smile tugged at the corners of my lips, and my facial features visibly relaxed. The tension that had been building in my shoulders slowly dissipated, replaced by a newfound lightness in my mood
"D-Don't get the wrong idea, the last part of your sentence won't help you being forgiven more easily by me."
"Then, may you forgive me, Yukinoshita?"
"It's already done..."
Hikigaya-kun sighed in relief.
"That was quick."
"Yes, I can take decisions in a short amount of time. Unfortunately for you, your brain seems as slow as fish's when it comes to that."
"You've got a point."
"Always." I pulled a strand of hair behind my ear.
We found ourselves locked in each other's gaze, and ended up chuckling at our little banter.
The door of the clubroom suddenly opened.
"Yaha... H-Hikki, you're not sitting at your usual seat..?" Yuigahama-san entered the room.
"Ahem, Yo." Hikigaya-kun answered.
Now that I think about it, the tea should be ready by now.
"Good afternoon, Yuigahama-san." I greeted and stood up.
I picked the cups and poured them with the hot tea.
"Is something wrong, Yuigahama?" he aksed.
"No, no. It's okay, I was just a little bit surprised for nothing." Yuigahama-san said, taking her seat next to mine.
I served the cup of tea to Yuigahama-san and Hikigaya-kun and returned in my seat.
"So, we just have to wait for Iroha-chan now?"
"Yes, she should be coming soon." I answered.
Speaking of her, I don't think she knows where I live. We'll have to organize some things before parting and meeting at my place.
I didn't plan to go directly there with them. I preferred letting them go to their houses and change into more comfortable clothes since we're going to cook. I wouldn't like them to stain their school uniforms.
Soon after that, Isshiki-san came.
We quickly exchanged formalities and agreed to skip club and meet at my place.
Outside the school gate, before we went our separate ways, I called out to Isshiki-san.
"Isshiki-san, I should give you my address before we part."
"Ah, yes. I would have asked Senpai anyway, but if I can get it now, I won't mind."
I showed my phone with the address on the screen for her to save it.
One, two, three, and... Now I realize that there will be someone without an apron. It's only in this moment I notice it...
I looked at the apron I kept for myself. The soft purple fabric and the pink pocket with a black cat's face are just as charming as when I first bought it. The small paw print on the chest adds a playful touch, though it's a bit faded now.
Memories resurfaced in my mind. The day I bought it. And, the reason... I still can't believe that the me of this day could be so easily convinced by a boy saying, 'It looks great on you.' when I just intended to buy it for someone else.
Because of him... I bought it for myself instead.
I checked one last time if all the necessary tools were here. We hadn't chosen what cake we were going to cook, but I suppose that it'll likely be something simple.
Why not chocolate cake, for example?
I glanced at the time on my phone; the others should be arriving soon.
Ring!
They're here.
I went to press the button to let them come in. Then I opened the door of my home.
"Good evening, it seems you're all here."
"Yeah, we waited each other in the lobby of the apartment. I hope we didn't make you wait too long." Isshiki-san explained.
"Please, come inside." I said, stepping aside to let everyone enter.
Isshiki-san stepped in first, then the others followed.
"Yahallo!"
"Yo."
They took off their shoes and coats, disposing of them in the entrance. I gestured for them to follow me into the kitchen, as I led the way.
"I have all the essential supplies and utensils ready. For the cake, I'm thinking of keeping it simple yet delicious. A chocolate cake sounds like a great idea. What do you think?"
"Grandpa always loved chocolate cakes."
"Then let's go with this."
It seems like everyone's ready to get started.
I stood at the center of the kitchen, directing my friends to their respective duties. There were only three aprons for four, so we agreed that Hikigaya-kun wouldn't wear one.
I observed as Yuigahama-san and Hikigaya-kun gathered the supplies and tools we'll need, while Isshiki-san took charge of keeping the kitchen clean and organized.
Meanwhile, I measured out the dry ingredients and poured them into a large mixing bowl.
Initially, we mixed the dry ingredients such as flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, and salt in the large bowl. Once combined, we moved on to the wet ingredients, mixing in melted butter, eggs, and sugar until well blended.
During the process, I spotted Yuigahama-san handling the ingredients in a strange manner that I could not recognize.
"Yuigahama-san."
"Y-Yes?"
"Please, could you keep some distance with everything edible you see here?"
"Good idea." Hikigaya-kun retorted.
"But-"
"It's for Isshiki-san's grandfather's sake. Would you?" I said, with a fake reassuring smile.
"I-I see..." She let go of the ingredients.
I turned back my attention to what's at hand and continued to add the liquid ingredients: eggs, milk, and butter. I carefully poured each ingredient into the mixture, stirring slowly to ensure they were thoroughly combined.
Hikigaya-kun, standing beside me, grabbed a wooden spoon and began stirring the mixture vigorously. I glanced at him, satisfied with his assistance.
"I'm not the best at it, so tell me if I do something wrong."
"You're doing well, yet." I said with a gentle smile.
He continued.
I noticed that he's been throwing a few glances towards me, or maybe it's just my imagination?
"This apron you're wearing, I feel like I've seen it somewhere." He asked.
"You believe? You might have, who knows."
Yes you have, idiot.
As the ingredients combined, the batter took on a smooth, rich texture. I checked the consistency of the mixture, making sure it was perfect for baking.
Once satisfied, I carefully poured it into the greased cake pan, smoothing it out and making sure the mixture was evenly distributed. Hikigaya-kun preheated the oven, while Isshiki-san assisted Yuigahama-san in washing the dirty equipment.
"How does it look?" I asked.
"Good enough, no one would have done better than you did."
I smiled softly as we waited for the oven to reach the right temperature.
"Let's put the cake in," I said.
As I placed my hands on the cake pan in intent to take it, Hikigaya-kun snacked it at the same time, thinking that I was asking him to put the cake in the oven.
Both of our hands accidentally touched, his warm touch covering mine for an instant before he quickly drew away. The unexpected contact sent a jolt through my heart, its beats quickening at the sudden physical proximity.
"A-Ah sorry, I thought I was supposed to-"
"N-No, it's not your fault. I should have been more clear in my words..."
We awkwardly looked away from each other, both of us feeling the warmth spreading across our cheeks. I could feel the blush rising in my face, no matter how much I tried to hide it. I stole a quick glance in his direction and noticed that his cheeks were equally tinted with redness. The sight of him blushing as well only added to my own flustered state.
"Please put it in..."
"Sure..."
Hikigaya-kun carefully placed the cake pan inside the preheated oven and set the timer. We waited patiently for the cake to bake, the sweet aroma filling the kitchen.
Such a scene really needed to happen... Every time I tried to look back at him, I would always meet his gaze and then just avert mine.
My gaze instinctively lowered to my hands, which were now covered in a layer of flour and other cake-baking substances. I grimaced slightly at the mess, knowing that it would take some effort to wash off.
Then, I discreetly peeked at Hikigaya-kun's, they needed to be washed off too. Now I realize that it is mostly because of me...
"Woa... We're finally done cooking the chocolate cake. Knowing that Yukino-senpai was in charge, I'm confident about the fact that the cake is gonna be delicious!" Isshiki-san spoke up.
"Thank you, but everyone participated. So, if your grandfather likes it, it'll be thanks to you all." I explained. "Youtoo, Yuigahama-san." I glanced at her.
"Y-Yukinon... You're so kind!" Yuigahama-san exclaimed, wrapping her arms around me as if she were about to cry in joy from my words.
"Yuigahama-san... Space.."
But she didn't listen to me.
"Isshiki-san, how is doing the gift?" I asked.
She didn't talk about it yet, so I was wondering if she had finished it already.
"Yeah, it's ready. Though, I won't tell you what it is today. You'll discover tomorrow with Grandpa!"
"I'm impatient to see it, Iroha-chan!"
I see. Then we'll see tomorrow how it goes.
I hope, Isshiki-san and Hanoru-san's relationship will be fixed.
I glanced at Hikigaya-kun once more, now able to look him in the eyes. He seemed to be searching for something in his pockets, something he couldn't seem to find.
"Would you need something, Hikigaya-kun?"
"No, nothing."
His expression changed, from a flustered one to a serious one. I couldn't tell the reason for the sudden change.
It was subtle, but I could catch it. He was trying to keep a cool composition. However, I could discern a fleeting shift in his facial features, betraying a hint of unease.
Once Yuigahama let go of me and returned near Isshiki-san, I approached him.
"Are you sure everything's okay?" I asked, tugging at his sleeve.
"I... I forgot about something very important. I should leave."
"What? Why? The cake is not totally done yet."
I wasn't quite sure what was on Hikigaya-kun's mind at that moment, but when he mentioned his desire to leave, a wave of disappointment washed over me. I found myself reluctant to let him go.
"Stay a little longer, at least until the cake is completely made."
"...Fine." He finally accepted.
I let go of his sleeve as a quiet sigh of relief escaped my lips.
Ding!
The cake was baked
"Let me handle it, guys!" Yuigahama volunteered to take the cake out of the oven.
I and Hikigaya-kun looked at each other hesitantly until he shrugged.
"Alright, but be careful." I allowed.
"Thanks, Yukinon!"
Yuigahama-san slipped on four protective gloves and opened the oven door with care. As she did so, a wave of warm air cascaded over her face, causing her to instinctively wave her hand in front of her face.
"Wow, it's hot."
She delicately grabbed the cake pan and pulled it out of the oven to place it on the table.
"Done, wasn't that hard."
"Let's hope it didn't get damaged by your care."
"Hey, I didn't even touch the cake, Yukinon!"
We all gathered around the cake, admiring our handiwork.
The cake had risen perfectly, with a golden brown top and a rich, chocolaty aroma that filled the kitchen. The center had caved just a little bit, creating a small depression that gave the cake a rustic, homemade look. It was still steaming slightly, indicating that it had just finished baking.
"I would consider it a success. I can already smell the tantalizing aroma of the chocolate!" Isshiki-san gave her impressions.
"I agree, the look and odor are perfect. Right, Yukinon?"
"It seems so. We all worked well today." I said, smiling at them.
It seems everyone is satisfied with the result.
Everyone removed their aprons and tossed them aside. We needed to wash our hands now. One by one, we used the sink to clean up the mess that had lingered.
I checked the time and realized it was getting very late. We took an entire hour to prepare the chocolate cake.
"Ah... I just noticed it was already over 8pm. I didn't feel how much time had passed."
It seems I am not the only one who checked the time.
"Oh, you're right, Iroha-chan."
"Guess, we should go."
"What about the aprons?"
"Don't worry about it, I'll take care of them." I said.
"Okay, let's get ready, Yui-senpai, Senpai."
Isshiki-san and Yuigahama-san proceeded to the front door, busying themselves with donning their shoes and coats. I watched as Hikigaya-kun, who had been lingering a bit, followed suit.
I gazed at the kitchen, and let out a quiet sigh. The aprons and kitchen tables will need a big clean up. Taking care of everything alone will take me hours.
Yuigahama-san saw me, and glanced at Hikigaya-kun as if an idea popped into her mind.
"Hikki, why don't you stay a little longer to help Yukinon clean up the remnants mess in the kitchen?" She oddly suggested.
"Huh? Why me?"
"Because I can't, my mom just texted me that Sable's got a problem!" She justified herself.
"But I also need to get home..."
"Don't try to make us believe you've got anything to do right now." Isshiki-san joined in.
She threw a glance at Yuigahama-san with a knowing smile.
What's going on with those two suddenly?
"I wouldn't like to bother Hikigaya-kun with that..."
"You'll save a lot of time with his help, think about it, Yukinon."
"T-That's true.."
...Alright, just to save time, right?
I turned my gaze towards him, our eyes locking in a silent connection. "Would it be possible for you to stay a little longer..?" I felt a subtle warmth creep across my cheeks as I vocalized my request.
The thought of being here alone with him, all by ourselves, sent my mind into a slight frenzy. My eyes remained fixed on his, unwavering and filled with an intimate pleading.
"O-Okay, I'll stay..." He answered, scratching his hair and looking away.
"Well, now shall we?" Yuigahama turned to Isshiki-san.
"Yes, let's go, Yui-senpai."
They quickly left us alone in the apartment.
"S-So, shall we get started?"
"Y-Yeah." He walked past me towards the kitchen.
I followed him into the kitchen and took a deep breath.
Everything is going to be alright, Yukino. There is no reason to be this tense around him here. So, please slow down a little bit, heart of mine.
Of course, it wouldn't listen to me. Unfortunately, I cannot control the rhythm of my heartbeats. It's beating so fast I can't even manipulate the tools properly.
We stood shoulder to shoulder in front of the sink, running the water and working together to wash the mixing bowl we had used earlier.
The kitchen was quiet, only the sound of running water and the occasional clatter of dishes breaking the silence.
"That's the last ones." Hikigaya-kun handed me the last dishes, which I took, our fingers brushing for a millisecond.
"We're done. There are just the aprons to put into the washing machine now." I said, wiping my hands.
As I dried my hands with a kitchen towel, the memory of his touch resurfaced in my mind. The way his warmth covered me, even if it were for a second, I could still feel the sensation of his skin against mine, causing a pang of longing to well up inside me.
I feel extremely embarrassed and ashamed at having this kind of thought, but I just can't help it.
When our fingers brushed once more a few seconds ago, I felt like a shiver down my spine.
No matter how many times I try to push those thoughts away, having his presence near me makes my mind involuntarily recall these moments.
When I noticed that my hands were finally dried, I turned around in his direction. He was standing in front of me, waiting for another instruction or maybe my permission to leave.
My eyes darted down onto his shirt, a small detail caught my attention.
"There is a stain of chocolate on your shirt, Hikigaya-kun."
He looked down at himself.
"Ah, I didn't see it. Thanks for saying." He said, moving his hand toward the stained area, but I stopped him.
"Wait, I'll take care of it for you." I grabbed a material and drampened it with water and soap.
"I can do this alone." He continued.
I grasped his hand with my left hand and pulled it away.
His eyes widened slightly.
"I insist." I leaned closer to him, and placed my other hand holding the material on the stained area.
The chocolate stain was next to his collar, on the right.
"But-"
"Did you not hear what I said? Let me clean it for you, I made you stay longer than planned. That's the smallest act of repayment I can do for you."
I put on a light squeeze on his hand, holding it in place, away from the area I was working on.
I focused intently on the stain, gently rubbing the damp cloth in a circular motion over the chocolate spot. The stain began to slowly fade, but it was proving to be stubborn, refusing to come off completely. I increased the pressure ever so slightly, determined to remove the offending mark from his shirt.
My eyes seemed to have a mind of their own, constantly flickering back and forth between the stubborn stain on his shirt and the exposed area of his collarbone.
His deep green shirt had a low, open collar, revealing the entirety of his throat and the smooth, pale expanse of his collarbone.
I couldn't tell what was wrong with my mind right now, but in that instant, I couldn't deny that the sight of his bare skin above his shirt collar was kind of captivating.
I continued to clean the stain, acutely aware of how close I was to him. It was the first time I had ever been this near to such an intimate view of his physical being. My heart pounded in my chest, its tempo quickening with every deliberate movement of my fingers upon his shirt.
Something's definitely wrong with me...
Despite my best efforts, I felt my concentration slipping further as I became more aware of his body under the thin fabric of his shirt. The heat from his skin, the faint scent of his cologne, it was all too distracting.
His body slightly tensed at my touch, feeling more of the sensation of his collarbone against my fingers. I can tell there is nothing underneath that clothing...
W-Why am I starting to have such thoughts?
I tried my best to maintain a calm and steady hand while my mind was going wild. I became aware of a subtle, yet distinct beat beneath my touch. I could almost feel the rapid beating of his heart through the fabric, mirroring the erratic rhythm of mine.
He gulped, the motion of his Adam's apple capturing my attention for a brief moment, and my hand paused in its scrubbing motion on his shirt, as if suddenly unable to continue with the task at hand.
I don't understand all those strange feelings and sensations twisting within me.
"Are you done..?" He suddenly spoke up, bringing my attention back to the near totally faded stain.
"A-Almost..."
I realized at the same time that my other hand was still grasping his, I let go of it and used my free hand to hold his shirt more firmly in place to facilitate the task.
But with the way I held it, I unconsciously made it worse.
Some of my fingers were literally brushing against his skin, every times one of my fingers grazed against his throat, it sent shiver down his spine. I was suddenly conscious of the fact that it would take nothing more than a simple movement of my finger to slide it beneath the fabric of his shirt
The mere awareness of the fact such a small movement of my finger could lead to a deeper and more intimate contact with his skin was almost unbearably distracting.
What is that feeling?
Temptation?
No, it can't be...
I would never feel this way in such a moment...
As much as I tried to deny it, deep down everything in this context made it possible.
I was finally done wiping away the stain. I looked up at him, meeting a flushed face and intense gaze. From the heat I feel on my own face, I wouldn't be surprised if my face looked as flushed as him.
"I-I'm done..." I said, slowly letting go of his shirt, my fingers feeling one last time the sensation of his skin.
His breath was quick, abnormally quick.
"A-Aight..."
"Hikigaya-kun..?"
"Yukinoshita... I..."
He struggled to speak as if the pace of his breath wasn't allowing to do so.
"I wanna tell you I'm..."
"Hey, slow down. Your breath is agitated.." I said as I approached him and placed my hand on his torso, feeling the ragged beats of his heart.
The irregular intensity of his heartbeat was seriously starting to worry me.
He suddenly gripped my wrist tightly, as if trying to pull it away.
"Y-You don't understand, I-!" He stopped in the middle of his sentence.
"Hikigaya-kun..?"
The weight of his body against my hand felt strangely different.
It became heavier and heavier, and it kept increasing until I finally realized that his body was falling.
Paf!
Utter shock and disbelief flooded my senses as I stared in wide-eyed astonishment: Hikigaya-kun had suddenly collapsed, his frame falling forward like a lifeless log. He was unconscious, his body now limp and unresponsive.
My mouth involuntarily formed an "o" shape, and my hands reflexively moved to cover it as I struggled to process the unbelievable scene unfolding before my eyes.
"Hikigaya-kun!"
I bent down towards his body and put my hands on his shoulders, shaking him.
"Hey, Hikigaya-kun can you hear me?"
No answer resulted.
"Hikigaya-kun, please say something, do something!"
My heart pounded heavily in my chest. I didn't know what was going on as waves of panic washed over me.
When I realized that it was useless to try to call him out, I directly tried to prevent the panic from taking the best of me.
My instinct took over, and I immediately proceeded to apply the first aid techniques.
I adjusted him on the floor, ensuring he was in a stable position. I then checked his vital signs.
The best would be to call the emergencies as fast as possible.
Taking my phone, I tapped the 119.
I was still unable to digest everything that had happened in such a short amount of time.
From the moment I was cleaning his shirt that felt like hours to the moment I watched him collapse onto the ground that had happened in less than one second.
My heart kept pounding extremely fast, and my voice sounded panicked as I talked to the emergencies on the phone. They explained to me every necessary procedure while they'll be coming to my apartment to take him.
Once they finally arrived, they placed Hikigaya-kun's body on a stretcher and transported him to their ambulance van.
I stood nearby, my mind still proceeding with what was taking place right in front of my apartment. I stared at the unconscious body of a loved one, tears welling in my eyes.
I absolutely had no idea what got him.
All I could do was pray for him. Hope he will wake up soon and be able to talk to me about what happened to him.
By the way, I wrote to all of his close friends and to his sister about the incident.
"We're taking him to the hospital..." One of the people from the emergencies gave me the address of the hospital he was about to be sent.
It was the same as Hanoru-san's.
I silently watched as the paramedics closed the doors of the ambulance, shutting out the outside world and enclosing him within its confines. My heart ached as the sound of the engine came to life, signaling the vehicle's departure.
Without even realizing it, I continued to stand there, rooted to the spot, as the ambulance slowly drove away, disappearing into the distance. I felt a sense of helplessness as I watched the ambulance drive away, taking him further and further from me.
He was gone...
And I didn't know when I would be able to see him again...