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Produced in association with:

The WildeHopps Pirates

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(Pirate's) Disclaimer:

You're gonna try and sue a Pirate? *Laugh* Oye, Mates! Look here at this fool trying to stop us.

*More laughs & sounds of cutlasses being drawn*

Chapter 2 – Hell's Minion

Clawhauser watched from the front desk as the day shift started to wind down. More accurately, he watched the ZPD's two smallest mammals.

How any two could possibly be so in love with each other and not see it, he simply didn't know. And while it was utterly adorable and squealingly cute he wished that they would wise up and just get on with it. He was having trouble keeping his glee contained around them anyway and he wanted an invitation to their inevitable wedding. (The only thing that could possibly be more squeal worthy, was if it was Gazelle being in love) This waiting for them to finally realize that the other was secretly in love with them was going to give him a hernia from trying to hold in his excitement if it went on much longer, or so he concluded as he thought back over all that had happened since those two had met.

Judy and Nick had been working together now for nearly a year as partners, ever since Nick had graduated from the Academy last spring actually. There had been a number of quietly voiced concerns over Bogo's decision to not only back the fox's application to the academy but then later to allow the two smallest and newest officers of Precinct 1 to work together as partners. When asked about it, Bogo had snorted and dismissed the concerns, which had caused no end of muttering on what the hell the chief was thinking. Some had worried that the chief had broken under the stress of his job; Most were willing to give the two officers a chance, they'd deserved that much after the fiasco last year with former Mayors Lionheart and Bellwether but they were still green cops.

Hopps had certainly earned a reputation with the other officers she'd been partnered with while Nick had been at the academy, as a devoted and hardworking officer but while she was good, none of her partners had thought she was that good. Sure, she had potential but she was still a relatively new officer and so much smaller than any of them.

Bogo though, apparently thought differently, or possibly knew something no one else did. He had a reputation for not only his legendary scowl but his uncannily accurate hunches and intuition; which was part of the reason so many were shocked to see the near reversal of his thoughts regarding the Mammal Inclusion Initiative and allowing small mammals on the force.

When the concerns over the newest team had been brought up the second time, Bogo had decreed with his full scowl that the next officer to mention any concerns before the end of the month had better have an actual, substantial issue with their performance, not just concerns or that they'd be stuck on parking duty for the rest of the month too. That had shut up all the direct talk about the new partners but like any group of mammals, it couldn't stop the gossiping.

However, far before the end of the month, (actually, after little more than a week of the pair working together), the quiet discussions and gossip regarding Hopps and Wilde had shifted. It hadn't stopped but instead of muttering about the advisability of pairing them together, there was constant talk about how the two new officers who'd primarily been assigned to standard cruiser patrols had busted a street racing ring, 3 robberies, a smuggling operation and had apparently stumbled upon a lead that led to the precinct's largest drug bust since the Nighthowler Conspiracy. The bunny and fox duo not only seemed to be magnets for trouble but had shown a remarkable ability to handle nearly any situation they found themselves in, (Though the precinct had had to do a snap mobilization of the SWAT unit to rescue the two when a parking violation they were ticketing led them to discover the smuggling operation and they'd found themselves pinned down in what the SWAT unit commander had called 'A shoot out worthy of Billygoat the Kid and the Wild West" in the report afterwards)

By the time Bogo's decreed month of 'Annoy me at your own peril' ended, not a single officer was questioning his decision and the office gossip mill had turned to swapping stories of the two officer's adventures.

By the next month, the bunny and fox were still the center of the precinct's gossip but the rumors and mutterings had shifted to debate over just how well those two worked together. It was remarked upon that the few times they had to work with other partners, that while their performance was still above average, they simply didn't seem to be able to replicate that stellar performance with other partners. In addition, they seemed to spend nearly every available moment they could together, both in and out of work. Not even the occasional small arguments they had, came close to breaking apart their team, in fact, each one seemed to only result in the two working better together afterwards.

Clawhauser smirked, remembering how it wasn't a surprise to anyone when he, as the unofficial head of the station's gossip mill, had added a WildeHopps betting pool. Bogo had actually seemed amused at that, but that was probably because it was the policy that any office betting pools gave a percentage to the Police and Firefighters fund, along with the whole pool going to it if it went bust at the end of each month.

To say that every officer had bet on when the bunny and fox would finally wise up to what was apparent to everyone else and finally start dating would be inaccurate, because by the grace of the gods, the precincts two smallest officers hadn't found out about it. But nearly 7 months later (with the house taking the entire pot at the end of every month) and there hadn't been a winner. Most of the officers, with the notable exception of Bogo were ready to scream with frustration.

That frustration as fall turned to winter and the season progressed, was also starting to take on a more serious tone from those in the chain of command for those two officers. It was common knowledge that winter was mating season for many mammals, particularly canids, and that they, especially those without mates, tended to be more irritable and distracted during that time. (Wolford had become the stations inside joke about mating season irritability since he was currently the longest running bachelor on the force; though the betting pool on whether he would finally start looking for a mate this year wasn't nearly as popular as the WildeHopps pool) But whereas Wolford seemed to have mastered the knack for dealing with winter mating season and not letting it affect his work too much, Wilde hadn't. The fox's irritability and distraction had grown to the point where it was degrading his work, and in addition, degrading Hopps's performance as she became increasingly worried and distracted by her moody partner. Their performance was still adequate, they got the job done, but it was nowhere near their usual level. That and the one attempt to see if they would work better with different partners during the mating season had been a disaster of epic proportions.

Wilde, well… Wilde had been assigned to an undercover sting operation, something he and Hopps had done a few times now and been highly successful at. But during the weapons deal the operation had gone pear shaped when one of the criminals had made a particularly rude comment regarding a trace scent on him that had started a fight. They'd still gotten the evidence they needed and even nabbed all the criminals involved before they could escape, but by the time Wilde's backup had arrived, half of the abandoned warehouse had been brought down and was on fire. (though escape was putting it lightly. The criminals had described their actions as 'fleeing the insane red demon that had commandeered their explosives' while giving confessions in a deal they'd pleaded for so long as it included a promise that they be locked away someplace far, far away from Wilde). Hopps on the other hand, had only nearly given Francie a heart attack in what was going down as Zootopia's most harrowing highway chase. (Apparently, the robbers had been so terrified of the brooding bunny officer that they'd thought taking insane risks in attempts to escape her was safer than surrendering.)

To say that they had been put back together after that despite their mediocre and lackluster performance together was accurate. (It was rumored that the officers who'd been scheduled to work with them the next day had gone and pleaded with Bogo to cancel the temporary change of partners and just let them stay together.)

Clawhauser watched as even as Nick and Judy talked with Wolford, someone they both liked and got along with, Nick, despite his obvious attempts to stay pleasant was nearly bristling. He'd positioned himself so that he was ever so subtly both next to Judy but also slightly between her and the other male while obviously trying hard not to snarl or growl. At one point, it looked like he might have actually started to but Judy reached over and poked him getting his attention and saying something to him with a stern expression. Nick's shoulders dropped a bit and he nodded before looking at Wolford and giving what Clawhauser assumed was an apology. While he was doing that Clawhauser watched as Judy snuck concerned glances at him that also betrayed an unmistakable worry and longing. She even started to reach out to take his paw before quickly stopping.

Clawhauser could even see from where he sat how she was twisting her paws behind her back and that every time she glanced at Nick her ears started to rise before she quickly dropped them back down along her back.

Judy edged a bit closer to him and Nick's tail started to curl around the back of her legs before he realized it and snapped the appendage away from her.

A twenty dollar bill appeared in front of Clawhauser and Grizzole muttered, "Day after Valentine's day. They might be too dense to figure it out but after seeing all the other couples that day, they'll jump each other out of sheer desperation."

Clawhauser nodded putting the money away and making a mark on the betting chart. "They'll make the cutest couple, don't you think?" Clawhauser said in a near sigh.

"I don't care what they're like afterwards, this..." he gestured at them, "This is just moronic. Someone should do the city a favor and lock them in a room and not let them out until they come to their senses and rut each other silly like they obviously want to. That and I want that prize money."

"Oh, oh, wait a second!" Clawhauser said excitedly, holding a paw up, "Watch this, this is always adorable."

Their conversation finished, Judy turned to head to the front doors but had to turn back when Nick continued to stare after the wolf as if making sure he was leaving and not following after Judy. She reached over and grabbed Nick's tie, pulling on it to get him to start following, which he did easily enough, though he seemed to have a hard time trying not to stare at her tail. He'd try to look away before inevitably finding himself staring at it with a look of want strong enough to break through his famous mask of indifference.

Grizzole shook his head. "Wolford said that he'd admitted to him that he's in love with her but that he won't try anything because he thinks that she doesn't like him in 'that way' and is sure it would ruin their friendship."

Clawhauser giggled still watching them leave through the main doors and said, "Love can make idiots out of anyone. But at least their cute adorable idiots."

"But how can she not see the signs?! He's barely holding himself back from challenging anyone who so much as looks at her admiringly."

"Country bunny," Clawhauser replied with a sigh as they left his view, "This is her first winter around predators. She knows that the single ones can get irritable but that's about it. She doesn't know why or what any of the signs mean."

"and no-ones tried explaining it to her?" Grizzole asked astonished.

"Rhinowitz tried," Clawhauser said feeling a little gloomy remembering the attempt, "She started explaining some of it, but the little bit she managed to tell Judy apparently made her realize that Nick's odd behavior is because he has feelings for someone; problem is our blind little bunny thinks that it's for another fox. She told Sasha to stop explaining, that she didn't want to know more, that it wasn't her business to mess around with his love life and then ran off. Francine apparently heard her crying in the bathroom afterwards."

"Gods, that is unbelievable." The bear muttered, before pulling out his wallet and placing another twenty in Clawhauser's paw. "Double my bet, Valentine's day will be the breaking point. Either they'll get together afterwards or it will kill them."

Clawhauser grinned and put the money with the rest and marked down the bet, but before he could reply the desk phone rang.

He hit the speaker button only to hear Bogo's unhappy voice come over the line saying, "Clawhauser, get your tail up here immediately!"

Clawhauser barely got out a 'Right away Chief', before Bogo ended the call.

"That didn't sound good," Grizzole said looking at the now concerned cheetah, "I thought Fangmeyer was helping you get in shape so you don't fail the physical fitness exam again."

Clawhauser looked glumly at the empty box of donuts like it was all their fault before nodding his head and getting up to go see Bogo.

A/N

Pirates as they loot Dinsey's lawyers office looking for the rights to Zootopia:

"WildeHopps! WildeHopps! WildeHopps! WildeHopps!"

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The Conspiracy Count Down: 72 hours