Chapter 11

The following weeks after Kakashi's blow up during the follow up meeting and then Sakura's discovery of his recurring nightmares last week were quiet and tense. They didn't leave the apartment once during the first week and the second week only consisted of going to work and going straight home the moment five o'clock hit.

Kakashi had refused to leave the building because he didn't want to deal with the chance of getting targeted and thus increasing Sakura's chance of getting hurt as a result.

Whenever she tried to argue and reason with him about not needing to worry about her, he would just snap at her and tell her to deal with it. He wouldn't even argue with her anymore and it frustrated her beyond belief that he was acting so out of sorts.

So, she often stayed in her room and worked on her daily reports, not that there was anything to report. She started the process of planning out future safety procedures for them since there was nothing else for her to do now.

She always kept her door wide open to watch for Kakashi since he always remained holed up in his office or bedroom. So if he left either, he'd have to walk right past her door and she always used that as her chance to check in on him.

Over the course of those couple of weeks, the air between the two was also very different. It felt different than it did before they were attacked. He was more quiet and frustrated, mainly with himself it seemed. Sakura could understand why he was feeling that way, but couldn't understand why he was behaving so oddly around her. Like he no longer wanted to be around her. Whenever she tried to speak to him about it, he'd just brush her off and blame work stress.

But she knew there was no work stress. She began to fear the worst. That he would want to remove her as his bodyguard. She immediately dismissed the thoughts when they became too painful to bear.

She didn't want to leave him.

Kakashi experienced his nightmares nearly every other night since her discovery. She managed to convince him to keep his door open and hers as well so she could hear him and come to his side when needed. The nights he didn't have nightmares, she still would check in on him and often found him tossing and turning in his bed.

Some nights, she heavily considered just laying down next him to guarantee that he'd remain safe from those terrible dreams, but Sakura never allowed herself to follow through. They were already pushing boundaries she's never pushed before with a client and she didn't want Kakashi to think she was some weirdo either. So she continued to remain seated next to him like she had been since the first night. She often stayed much longer than needed after he fell asleep. Not that she was worried about his nightmares coming back after she left, she just couldn't bring herself to leave. Sakura found comfort in watching him sleep, knowing that he was safe and sound next to her gave a sense of peace she couldn't describe.

It broke Sakura's heart to see him continuously be plagued with such bad dreams. He only talked a little bit with her about what the dreams were even about. He would just say people kept dying and that their blood would be on his hands. Kakashi would never say who though, but it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that it was most likely his father who was dying over and over. He probably felt guilty that he had survived while his father died.

It was nearly compulsive for him now to wash his hands multiple times a day. It seemed the accident had triggered this new symptom. There was no set schedule and was completely random when it happened. She tried to talk to him about the blood, but that was one thing he always remained tight lipped about. He did mention once that his hands always tingled before he sees the blood because he had abruptly left dinner to go wash them earlier that week.

So Sakura studied his hands and quickly picked up when he began to clench and fidget in a specific way that it indicated he was feeling that tingling sensation. It happened randomly like she knew. Work meetings, dinner, and their morning runs together where some of the times when the compulsion took over.

Instead of trying to get him to stop, she decided to help him.

-flashback to last night-

"Here, make sure you're putting some lotion on your hands a couple times a day since you need to wash them so often now." the bodyguard spoke passively as she sat a bottle of lotion on his desk that she had ordered for him.

Kakashi looked at her with a strange look as he eyed the bottle.

"Why?" he asked.

Sakura shot him an unamused look at that point.

"No one likes to shake hands with a CEO who has dry and cracked hands. I noticed all the washing is drying out your skin and this," she pointed to the lotion, "will help prevent that."

A few moments passed in silence before he spoke again, his voice barely above a whisper as he looked up to her.

"I thought you wanted to me stop washing my hands all the time?"

"I'm not going to nor can I force you to stop doing something you can't help but do. I'm trying to help you cope with it and deal with it in a healthy manner." she replied as she regarded him warmly, "You mentioned you'll stop once the blood is gone, right?

She watched him nod slightly in agreement and she smiled at him more.

"Okay, so I'll be there to help you with it until it's all washed away You're not alone, Kakashi. You have me."

-end flashback-

The only times she ever really saw him now was when they ate together or went into work and even then he was quiet and irritable. He still ran with her most mornings, a habit he picked up after their fun race those two weeks ago, but he was silent and never indulged in the conversations they once had. They had fallen out of the comfortable routine they established and she missed it she realized.

Sakura realized she missed him terribly.

This wasn't the Kakashi she had learned to know and like.

It was Friday night and Sakura had been sitting on the couch for the last few hours trying to read the book she pulled from Kakashi's library earlier in the week, but kept finding herself getting distracted with her thoughts.

'Why is he acting so weird? Especially when it's just him and I… He's not even acting differently with Shikamaru and Tenzo! It's driving me crazy! This isn't like him, something else has to be up. He knows he can open up to me!'

Snapping the book shut, she threw it next to her and got up and marched to his office were she knew he was working right now. She didn't knock before she threw open the door, she watched as he jerked up from being hunched over his desk as he read whatever was on his computer screen.

"What the hell is this about?" he snapped as she marched to stand in front of his desk.

"Get up, we're leaving." she replied, purposely ignoring his question.

Kakashi stiffened at her words as he sat up straight.

"Is something wrong?" his tone edging with concern.

Sakura just shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Everything is fine, but you're obviously not. I don't know what's gotten to you to make you hide away like this and to feel like you can't talk to me. You need to pull that stick out of your ass or something. Come on, we're going out. Let's go grab a bite to eat or something."

His expression went from concerned to one of utter disbelief.

"Absolutely not!" he shot back, giving her a dirty look.

Sakura groaned at his refusal. She didn't really come prepared when the idea spang into her a few moments ago. She half regretted her impulsiveness at the moment.

"Then I at least demand an explanation." she told him as she dropped her arms back down to her side and raised a pink brow.

Kakashi's own silver brow rose at her sudden turn of direction as he continued to sit there.

"Explanation about what exactly?" he asked with a hint of sarcasm.

"Why are you acting like this? Why are you hiding away? You're refusing to do anything you normally would do. It feels like you're avoiding me now too. You can't even be in the same room as me for any period of time now! What did I do wrong? Is this because I know about your nightmares?"

"It's none of your business." he bit out at her as he formed a small frown and furrowed his brow, "And, I'm not avoiding you. The nightmares have nothing to do with this either."

Sakura bit back another irritated groan. He was being curt and elusive again and it drove her insane. Where had the laid back and open Kakashi she had gotten to know over the last two months? He had always spoke his mind with her.

"Sadly, your business is my business. You are obviously avoiding me. Now, fess up. Please? I'm not asking you this as your bodyguard, but as someone who cares. What's causing you to act this way? You've always been honest and open with me. What's different now for you to stop being this way with me? I want to fix whatever it is that has come between us." she spoke more sternly as she took another step towards his desk.

She watched as Kakashi's shoulders suddenly slumped and a long sigh leave him after she finished talking, surprised that he seemed to have relented so quickly to her questioning. He reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose before he slowly turned and stood up and walked around his desk to stand next to her. She looked up and found his mismatch eyes were filled with a deep sadness.

"Okay. I'm acting differently because I'm scared." he admitted softly.

"Wh-what? What are you scared of?" Sakura asked next, completely perplexed at his sudden change of behavior.

'Just how frightened could he be to completely shut himself off like this? What happened during the attack that triggered such a response from him?'

Kakashi closed his eyes then and took a deep breath as it seemed he was struggling to find the right words to say to her. She felt herself grow anxious as he finally opened up.

"I'm scared of getting hurt… again."

Sakura felt her heart squeeze at the pain that registered in his voice. The amount of pain he had most definitely felt, both physically and mentally, from his accident back in July had obviously left a deep cut in him.

"But that's wh-"

"But I'm more scared of the idea of you getting hurt." he quickly added as he interrupted her. When he reopened his eyes, the sadness had been replaced with an unwavering determination, "I can't fathom the idea of losing you now, Sakura. Seeing how you got hurt protecting me, I can't have that. I don't think I could deal with losing you in the same way I lost my father."

A small gasp left the bodyguard at this information. Sakura felt a thousand questions hit her at once and suddenly felt light headed. Why is he saying this? Why is he suddenly this concerned about her? It was a simple cut to her cheek, it's not like she had been shot. Is this why he's being hiding? Because she got hurt?

"Kakashi… It-it's… it's my job to protect you. You know that! If I get hurt, or whatever, that's just something we both have to deal with." she spoke quietly as she internally fought the blush that was coming to her cheeks.

Kakashi closed his eyes and shook his head lightly at her before he opened them again.

"I know it's your job, but it's something I'm not willing to deal with anymore."

She felt another wave of lightheadedness wash over her before she shook her head as if it would help sort her scrambled thoughts. She needed to remain focused and sure footed right now. She had to get to the bottom of this.

"Why are you suddenly saying this? Aren't you more concerned about yourself?! It's you they're after, not me. I'm just a bodyguard, Kakashi! I knew what I was getting myself into when I entered into this assignment. I knew of the dangers and so did you before you hired me!" she desperately tried to reason with him.

Kakashi suddenly turned away from her and began a slow pace back and forth in front of his desk, running his fingers roughly through the unruly silver hair before he shoved them into his pockets. He was visibly struggling with whatever was bothering him and it only made her more concern. What wasn't he saying?

"If me getting hurt is bothering you this much, why not just replace me? Find another bodyg-"

"No! Absolutely not. I'm not going to replace you, Sakura." he shot out before she could finish her sentence, "I could never replace you."

Sakura instinctively took a half a step back at how loud he had gotten with her. She grew irrationally angry with how he was handling the situation then.

"Why not?! Obviously I'm causing you more trouble than what I'm worth. You've been avoiding me! It seems quite obvious that you just don't want to be around me! Wouldn't it be easier for you to just replace me?" she yelled.

"I do want to be around you! I want to be around you all the damn time, Sakura!" he yelled back as he faced her again.

"Then tell me why!" she shouted before she switched and spoke more quietly, nearly pleading to him at this point, "Please… Just tell me, Kakashi."

"That was before I got to know you, Sakura. I can't do that now, I can't replace you." he finally spoke after a few tense minutes, "Not after I finally realized…"

He trailed off before finishing whatever he was going to say. He pulled his hands back out of his pockets and rubbed his face in frustration. Sakura felt dizzy. Confused. She didn't prepare herself to be dealing with this kind of situation right now. She couldn't move an inch, frozen in her spot, as she watched him pace for a few more seconds before stopping right in front of her again.

"Not after you realized what?" she finally whispered, unsure of what he was going to say next.

Kakashi looked down at her and sighed. He looked utterly exhausted now.

"Before I realized I had feelings for you." he whispered back.

Sakura felt a shaky breath leave her then.

'Oh, god. This can't be happening right now.'

Kakashi watched cautiously as Sakura fully processed what he had said. He felt every bit anxious that any man could possibly feel in a moment like this. He couldn't understand why he was as mad as he was until it dawned on him that it was all because he cared about Sakura and her well being. He was desperately in love with her, but she didn't need to know the extent of his feelings right now. There were much bigger fish to fry currently.

Since that realization, he had tried like hell to keep a distance from her in hopes that, that might help with this this problem and it only proved more difficult. It got even worse when she discovered his recurring nightmares and often sat with him on his bed while he dozed back off.

He wanted to be near her at all times. He wanted to hold her, touch her, and kiss her. But he forced himself to stay in his office or in his room whenever possible. The only relief he got was when they shared meals or their runs, but even then, he forced himself to stay quiet and leave the moment they were done.

He felt like a damn child with how he had treated this.

"You have… feelings? Romantic feelings?" she asked when she seemed to have finally found her voice again.

Kakashi looked back up to her and struggled to pinpoint whatever emotions she was experiencing. Was it anger? Fear? Disbelief? Happiness? Did she feel the same back by chance? All he could manage to do in that moment was give her a simple nod to say yes.

"Kakashi… This, this is a dangerous game you're playing." she spoke quietly as she stood rooted in place as she began to fidget with her hands.

He felt awful that he was causing her to react so nervously.

"Do you think I don't know that? I didn't plan on this happening, you know. You're my bodyguard for fucks' sake yet here I am, throwing a wrench into this and making your life harder!"

Sakura looked away from him for a moment, her face scrunched up in thought.

"How are you making my life harder by admitting this?" she asked when she looked back up to him, breaking the deafening silence that had briefly fallen between them.

Kakashi looked at her, confused by the question. He figured the answer was quite obvious.

"Don't you think this is weird? I just told you I have feelings. Romantic feelings towards you. You probably think I'm some weird pervert now. Aren't you mad? Doesn't this complicate things?"

She looked completely unamused with him at this point as she shot him a dirty look and now he was worried that he actually did manage to piss her off.

"I'm not mad. It only makes my life harder if you let it, which by the way, only makes your life harder as a direct result." she deadpanned.

'She's taking this way better than I thought. I figured she'd bite my head off the moment I even hinted at having feelings for her…'

"Why are you taking this so lightly?" he asked while he furrowed his brow.

Sakura just shrugged with a half smile. Her face flushed with a blush that nearly matched her hair color at that point.

"Who said I didn't feel the same back?" she mumbled as she avoided eye contact.

Kakashi felt like he had just been slapped across the face at her words. He cocked his head to the side as he looked at her more clearly.

'She didn't just say that, did she?'

"W-wait, what? You have…? Sakura? Do you feel the same?" he struggled to get the words out in a semi-coherent way.

Sakura shifted her weight to one side and looked off to the side, suddenly looking shy with her own admission. The blush on her cheeks only deepened as she chewed her bottom lip. He was so taken aback by her admission to admire how beautiful she looked then. She was wearing a fitted white long sleeve and a pair of black leggings, her long pink hair pulled into a ponytail and what little make up she wore had been removed.

"I wouldn't be lying if I said I've missed you these last two weeks… I kept quiet because I didn't want you to think I was some weirdo either." she said before she suddenly pointed at him, "Plus, didn't you think it was weird that I was so willing to remain by your side when you had your nightmares? I didn't do that because I was trying to be a good bodyguard, Kakashi. I did it because I care for you and I want to make sure your safe and that you don't suffer in silence!"

"You do care… You, you have feelings for me." he whispered in disbelief.

He had not expected this when he realized he wanted her. He never fathomed the thought that she could possibly feel the same towards him. He dismissed it instantly. It all made perfect sense though. The comments that confused him were her thinly veiled attempts to tell him that she cared. They were beyond the realm of weird she had told him the first night she discovered his nightmares.

That was her telling him that her staying was her own choice, not a work related choice. Her trying to talk to him and get him to open up about his dreams and need to wash away blood that wasn't her doing her job. That was purely Sakura and her need to comfort and be an actual support system for him.

He suddenly felt stupid for how blinded and oblivious he had been.

"That's why I barged in here just now! I couldn't stand you distancing yourself from me any longer. Life's not the same without you anymore, Kakashi! I need you in it!" she suddenly blurted out.

Kakashi's body moved before he realized what he was even doing. He took the couple steps that separated Sakura from him and reached up, cupping her face in his hands and leaned down and captured her into a deep kiss.

Sakura tensed up under his hold briefly before relaxing and returning the kiss with equal energy as he felt her small hands slide up his chest and rest on his shoulders. He felt a soft sigh leave them both as they indulged in the intensity of it all. He felt all the pent up stress and anxiety he had been experiencing these last few weeks melt away instantly.

The next second Kakashi felt Sakura push him back, forcing him to break away from the kiss and let go of his hold of her. As he opened his eyes, he instantly saw the incoming hand and the sound it made when her hand connected with his left cheek. The sting of the slap shot through his head as he quickly reached up to try and soothe the burning sensation it left behind.

Kakashi opened his eyes back up for a second time and saw Sakura looking at him with surprise clearly written on her face and suddenly he realized his mistake.

"I'm so sorry." he quickly began apologizing as he ran his hands over his face in both embarrassment and to continue soothing the cheek she had slapped, "That was a mistake!"

But it wasn't a mistake in his eyes. It didn't feel like a mistake. It felt right. Kissing her felt so natural. He had kissed enough women in his life to know that this was different.

"Who the hell gave you permission to kiss me?!" she yelled at him, "Because I sure as hell didn't!"

Taking a half a step towards her, he was relieved when she didn't try to move away. He lifted his arm to reach out for her, but second guessed himself and clenched his hand lightly before he dropped it back to his side.

"I'm so sorry, Sakura. I, I… I didn't mean to… I was just… I, I don't know. I'm sorry." he tried to relay just how much he regretted acting without thinking.

Sakura threw her hands up in the air and made an exasperated sound. He cringed then as it was quite clear he pissed her off this time.

"You have some nerve, you know that? You can't just assume I wanted to kiss you just because I said I wanted you too!" she shouted again, "Boundaries, Kakashi! Boundaries!"

"But you did want to kiss me, right?" he dared asking with a slight smug smile, hoping to lighten the mood with his playful comment.

"Yes, but that's not the point!" she shot back, "A little warning could've been nice!"

Before getting a chance to reply, Sakura turned and stormed out of his office as fast as she entered it.

"No! Sakura, wait!" he called out to her and tried following after her, "Come back! Let me explain myself!"

"Leave me alone! I need to think right now!" he heard her yell before the sound of her door closing echoed in the hallway.

Kakashi stood in the doorway of his office staring down at her door for a moment before he turned and walked back to his desk and sat down in his chair with a loud groan.

'What were you thinking, you damn idiot! Now she for sure thinks you're a pervert!'

Reaching up, he continued to soothe the spot where she slapped him. He noted to never pissed her off like that again. She definitely had a good arm.

'But she said she had feelings too… But she slapped me? That was most definitely due to the kiss. Jesus, this is a huge mess.' he internally groaned as he dropped his head against the hardwood of his desk.

Sakura paced all around her room lost in her racing thoughts. She did not think that impulsively storming into Kakashi's office would result in them both revealing they had feelings for the other. It did answer every single one of her questions, but man, was it unexpected.

'Oh my god, he said he had feelings for me! Then I tell him I have feelings too!? What the hell is wrong with you, Sakura!? This is bad, this is so bad! You're his bodyguard! He's your boss!'

She had never admitted to herself until then that what she felt could possibly be romantic towards him. She knew he was a good looking, no, a down right gorgeous man, but to say she wanted him romantically? It completely flew over her head.

It was obvious though. She scolded herself for not noticing her own feelings sooner, let alone his. All their playful banter, dinners, and talks. They bonded, but somewhere along the line that bond crossed a line into romance. She had never enjoyed being around a client more than she did with Kakashi.

What had she done to even make him develop feelings? Her gut dropped as memories of the past flooded her.

'Please don't tell me this is a repeat of what happened at Sacred Heart. I can't… I can't go through that again. Please tell me he's different.'

She walked into her closet and grabbed some pajamas and hastily ripped off her clothes and threw on the sleepwear. Making her way to her bed, Sakura literally threw herself down onto the soft surface with a huff. Eventually she crawled under the blankets and reached over and turned off the nightstand light and let the darkness consume the room. She stared up into the darkness and let her thoughts over take her.

She knew she wouldn't sleep anytime soon.

'What am I going to do… I don't want to leave this assignment, but can I really let this happen? Is he only saying this to get in my pants? Can I really trust him? I can't let myself get taken advantage of again… I'm just so damned confused.'

A/N: This is officially my longest chapter to date for UWS! Y'all should've seen the 44389 revisions this went through over the last two weeks. xD This is by far my most favorite chapter because it's so very THEM. What did you guys think? Sakura slapped the crap outta Kakashi at the end! Will she decide to be with him?

Please leave a review, you guys are my biggest motivators and source of inspiration! I love your thoughts and opinions! If you haven't, hit follow because there are many ideas for this story I still need to get out!

Thank as always to Taytay95 for being a BOSS and editing and rereading this chapter 85 times as I deleted so much and added so much REPEATEDLY. Go check out her own KakaSaku stories! She's been updating again for her story To Love A Life!

Okay, off to begin chapter 12!