Chapter 28- Orange Clouds Roll By

A week had dragged by since Shanan's world had been turned upside down. The revelation that she possessed a mysterious dojutsu, one whose abilities and limitations were still unknown to her, had left her reeling. But it was the news of Sasuke's departure that had truly shattered her. He had left the village and abandoned her and Naruto, all to train with Orochimaru – a decision he'd made for her sake.

The past week had been a blur of emotions, with hopelessness and despair clinging on to her. Smiling had become a chore that required more effort than she could muster. Tears, however, flowed easily, a constant reminder of the ache within.

Her visits to the hospital had become a solemn ritual. She would lay next to Naruto and wrap her arms around his still form. Holding him close and singing softly in his ear, hoping against hope that he'd hear her and wake up soon. In those moments, she felt a fragile sense of comfort, a fleeting peace that eluded her elsewhere.

As she held him close, she felt a pang of gratitude for his presence, his fighting spirit, and his love, even as he lay there, battered and bruised from trying to bring Sasuke back. The silence between them was comforting and peaceful. Offering space for her mind to drift, even as she stared at his peaceful face.

She couldn't help but think of Sasuke – of the boy she loved and the promises they'd made to one another.

But as her gaze wandered over Naruto's bruises, and heard the soft rasp of his breathing, her thoughts faltered. She felt a fresh wave of grief wash over her, and tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. Every time her mind strayed to Sasuke, the sight of Naruto's battered face brought her back, and she felt a surge of anger.

In the stillness of her apartment, Shanan sat on her bed with her back against the wall, her legs tucked under her. Neji sat silently next to her, his presence a comforting familiarity.

She stared blankly ahead, her eyes unfocused as she absently slid the locket Sasuke had given her back and forth along its chain. The gentle motion was soothing, but it didn't calm the turmoil inside her. Memories flooded her mind as she gazed into the distance, the images in the locket a bittersweet reminder of what they had shared...

On one side, Sasuke's smile greeted her. She remembered the moment it was taken and the way she'd teased him into laughing. It was a picture she treasured, a reminder of the fact that only she and Naruto really ever got to see the best side of him.

The other side of the locket held a different memory – the three of them together – a grinning Naruto with his arm slung casually around Sasuke's shoulders, while Sasuke's expression was a perfect blend of annoyance and amusement. She sat on the ground, oblivious to their antics, her face tilted upwards in a carefree laugh.

In her other hand, the note, hidden among the flowers Sasuke had left for her, already worn along the folded lines. She'd read the words so many times, yet they still felt like a fresh wound, aching with every glance.

Dear Shanan,

By the time you read this, I'll be gone. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. This was the most difficult decision I've ever had to make, but I'm doing it for you. Always for you. I've failed to protect you too many times, and I could never live with myself if anything happened to you because I was too weak to save you. Please don't change your mind about everything we've talked about. I promise that I'll never stop loving you.

Forever yours,

Sasuke

Her eyes remained fixed on the note, her mind lost in the words, when Neji's voice cut through her thoughts.

"Reading that thing again, were you? No doubt you have it memorized by now..."

Shanan's gaze drifted up, a hint of a smile on her lips. "Teasing me again, were you?" she replied, her tone light, but her eyes betraying the depth of her emotions.

Neji's expression softened, his eyes filled with compassion. "Well, I don't mean to make you feel bad, but you can't blame yourself," he said. "We all fought hard, and still couldn't bring him back. Because he wanted to leave. Despite that Curse Mark of his, he still had a choice. And he could have chosen to fight it every day, instead of giving in."

The words stung, but Shanan knew he was right. Sasuke's decision had been his own, and she couldn't change it, no matter how much she wished she could.

"But you know what really gets me?" he continued. "The entire time I was fighting against Naruto during the final round, I had this nagging, annoying thought in the back of my mind. 'If I win, I will face Shanan's wrath.'" He shook his head, a wry smile on his lips. "And that bothered me. Of course, I still did my best and fought my way, but I didn't have a choice but to fight the opponent I was assigned to, and I wanted to prove myself."

His gaze turned serious, his eyes locking onto Shanan's. "But Sasuke – he knew Naruto would go after him. He expected to fight him. He had to have expected it, and he still left. He still chose to put Naruto in the hospital instead of throwing in the towel and returning home. And if there's anything I know about you, Shanan, it's that Naruto is your most precious… well, I suppose 'baby' is the word you'd use," he said, a hint of amusement dancing on his lips. "As weird as I might have once thought that was, I've grown accustomed to the nature of your affection. You shower him with a motherly love in a way I've never even witnessed from– " He paused, searching for the right words. "From birth mothers…"

Shanan smiled softly at that.

"I know that you're struggling with how to feel right now. You're torn between missing Sasuke like you'd like to, and being more angry with him than you've ever been at anyone." Neji's eyes seemed to bore into hers, as if seeing right through to her soul. "That's why you keep reading that thing," he said, nodding towards the note still clutched in her hand. "You're trying to push that anger from your mind. But you can't hide it from me. I know exactly what that looks like…"

Her eyes never left Neji's face as he spoke, his words cutting through her defenses like a knife. She felt her emotions unraveling, thread by thread, as he laid bare the truth she'd been trying to avoid. "Dammit, Neji… Why'd you say all that?" she whispered, her voice cracking as she spoke. Tears spilled down her cheeks as she struggled to hold back a sob.

"Because I want to help you, Shanan," he said. "And you tend to be a very idealistic person. I do like that about you, so I let you have it most of the time. But Sasuke put the rest of us in danger, knowing that most of the Jonin were away and that us Genin would be sent after him. He's too smart to be able to feign ignorance." Neji's brow furrowed. "Him saying that he's doing all of this for you just infuriates me! Because all I see is a selfish brat that couldn't control himself. He might think he left for you, but he's lying to himself. And, well… I don't want you to fall for that."

She looked away, a small, appreciative smile despite her tears. "Hmm… Always so subtle, Neji. Maybe things would be easier if he didn't kiss me before leaving… but, probably not."

"Kissed you?" Neji's face contorted. "That's disgusting, Shanan!"

"What?" she asked, incredulous. "I'm not disgusting!"

Neji's expression remained unchanged. "That's gotta be like watching your mom and dad kiss."

Shanan's eyes narrowed. "What is wrong with you?"

"I would just really like to burn that image out of my head," he said. "But please, go on."

"Anyway…" she said. "I'll save you the details, but… you're right. I am really…" She paused, her words faltering as her eyes began to well up again. "I'm really struggling to imagine that the same person that loved me so much is the same person that…" Her voice broke, and tears began to fall unrelenting as she struggled to say the words. "That hurt Naruto the way he did…"

Neji's expression softened as he looked at her. "Shanan… it's never easy when someone betrays us, especially when that someone was… the someone that we cherished and hoped to have a future with. Not that I know the feeling at all. But what I mean is – it's understandable for you to be sad about being angry, and feeling guilty about that sadness." He nodded, his eyes understanding. "You know better than anyone how complex human emotions are. Of course, you're not immune to that complexity. And you never will be."

She wiped away her tears, feeling a surge of frustration. "It's much easier helping other people navigate their emotions," she said. "I don't really know how to show myself empathy. I'm not sure anyone can…"

"Trust me, Shanan. I know exactly what you mean."

Shanan hurried through the streets, her feet carrying her toward the hospital to see Naruto. She was running late, having gotten caught up in her own thoughts and emotions after her conversation with Neji.

Her mind was a jumble of what-ifs and maybes, as she wished she could turn back the clock to the day Sasuke had asked her to be his girlfriend. She would have done things differently, she thought, if only she had known what the future held.

As she walked, her thoughts turned to Jiraiya, and her anger simmered. She still couldn't forgive him for taking Naruto to that outpost town without even discussing it with her. Moreover, his actions had put Naruto in harm's way, allowing Itachi to get close, and ultimately contributing to Sasuke's departure.

It was no wonder she struggled to trust adults – except for Kakashi and Guy Sensei.

Once she entered the room, she was surprised to see Jiraiya, of all people, perched on the windowsill, while Kakashi stood in the center of the room. Their conversation came to an abrupt halt as they noticed her arrival. Their sudden silence hadn't gone unnoticed, and she felt a sense of unease wash over her.

She walked over to stand next to Kakashi, trying to break the tension. "You guys don't have to stop your conversation just because I'm here," she said.

Kakashi looked at her with a guilty expression, before quickly glancing back at Jiraiya. "We can finish our conversation later, Master Jiraiya," he said.

Shanan's eyes darted between the two, sensing that she had indeed interrupted something important. "I'm sorry, guys, I really didn't mean to interrupt," she said. "I was running late and wasn't expecting anyone else to be here."

"It's alright, Shanan," Kakashi said gently. "He only arrived just a few moments before you did, so we hadn't really had the chance to talk anyway."

Her brow furrowed, her eyes narrowing as she looked at Kakashi. Something about his expression, a faint flicker in his eyes, told her without a doubt that he was hiding something. "You're lying to me?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. Her gaze held his, searching for any sign of truth. The hurt and disappointment etched on her face were unmistakable.

His eyes darted away for a moment before returning to hers and Shanan's expression remained unwavering, her eyes boring into his as she continued to hold eye contact.

"What are you guys talking about in Naruto's room?" she asked.

The silence stretched out, Kakashi's guilty expression deepening.

Jiraiya, sensing the tension, intervened. "Naruto's situation demands careful consideration," he said. "We've been discussing his future."

Shanan's eyes widened, her face a mask of controlled emotion as she turned to look at him. "Discussing his future? Without me?" she asked. "Without asking my permission? Again? Why?" she demanded. "So that you can put him in danger like you did last time? So you can teach him to be disrespectful and pervy to women, like a good father figure should?"

"Shanan…" Kakashi said gently.

But her eyes flashed with a deep sense of hurt as her head snapped back to face him, her gaze piercing his very soul. His attempt to placate her felt like a betrayal, an endorsement of Jiraiya's actions that cut her deeply.

Kakashi flinched, his eyes dropping at the weight of her disapproval.

"Why wouldn't you at least include me, Kakashi?" she asked, her words trembling. "I thought you understood. You're the one who asked me to take care of him. You made him my responsibility… and now…" Her voice broke, overcome with a mix of sadness and anger. "And now you want to take him from me?" she whispered. "I'd have no one, Kakashi. You're always too busy, so I'd have no one." Her words hung in the air, a desperate plea, as she searched his face for any sign of understanding. "Are you really okay with that?"

Kakashi kept his gaze averted, his eyes welling up with tears that he refused to let fall. Her words had struck a chord, and he couldn't bear to meet her gaze.

Her gaze lingered on him for a moment before she turned back to Jiraiya. "How can you think you have any right to decide what's best for him?" she asked. "When you didn't show up to feed him or teach him how to bathe himself. You didn't warn him that drinking spoiled milk could make him sick. You didn't see his little face…" Her eyes welled up with tears, and she paused, taking a deep breath as she struggled to compose herself. "You didn't see his sweet little face light up when someone finally didn't run away from him… Who are you to him, to make these decisions? And where were you, if you cared so much?"

The room fell silent, Shanan's admonition hanging in the air, daring them to challenge her.

Jiraiya's gaze faltered, darting from Shanan to Naruto and then down at the ground. "I… you're right, Shanan," he said. "I wasn't there for him, and you were. Even at your young age, you took care of him in the way so many of us adults failed to do." He looked up at her, his eyes filled with a deep gratitude. "Thank you for taking care of my student's kid when his teacher and his own student were unable to," he said. "But Naruto is in direct danger. The Akatsuki is hunting Jinchuriki, and he's their top target. Though their reasons remain unclear, with your permission, I'd like to train him so that he can protect himself."

Shanan's gaze drifted to Kakashi as her expression shifted from anger to worry. He met her eyes, his gaze softening, and nodded gently – a confirmation of Jiraiya's words. She looked away, her eyes falling on Naruto's sleeping form, and her tears began to flow freely.

Kakash's gaze followed hers, his hands slipping into his pockets, and together they gazed at Naruto.

"I'm sorry I put so much on you when you were still so young," Kakashi said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. "I don't wanna make excuses and say that I'm a product of my village, so I won't. But I don't think I could've asked anyone better to be his mother…"

Shanan's tears fell harder, but she didn't look away from Naruto as she drank in the sight of him. Kakashi's words hung in the air, a sincere acknowledgment of the weight she had carried, and the love she had given to Naruto. His hand instinctively went to her shoulder, offering what little comfort he could as his own tears fell silently into his mask.

"I know it's not fair that he needs to leave you for a while," he whispered. "But he'll be alright. And he'll come back so much stronger than if he stays." His grip on her shoulder tightened. "It's not lost on me that you'd be losing both of them to legendary Sannin. Or that you'd feel like you had no one." He paused, taking a deep breath. "But… if it's any consolation, I'll still be here. And once things die down a bit, I'll help you train for the next Chunin exams if you want me to. We'll spend time together, I promise."

Her sobs slowed, her eyes locked onto Kakashi's, searching for reassurance.

"The time will go by quickly and he'll be back before you know it," he assured.

She nodded gently, looking back at Naruto. "I'm sorry, Master Jiraiya," she said softly. "I shouldn't have said those things to you."

"No need to apologize to a cranky old jerk like me," he said with a chuckle. But then his expression turned serious, and he spoke sincerely. "I'll watch out for the kid, you have my word."

She nodded again, a small smile on her lips despite her tears. "He'll be excited to go with you and learn new things and see new places," she said.

"It's not going to be right away," he told her. "I have some business to attend to at the moment. But in a few months or so, I'll return for him, and we'll get started. So, you have some time at least."

She wiped her tears and stepped away from Kakashi, moving closer to Naruto. She looked down at him, her eyes filled with love and concern. "Don't just look out for him or let him do whatever he wants. He is still just a kid after all... Take good care of him too," she said. "Make sure he eats more than just ramen and that he bathes regularly. Don't just camp. Stop at inns and restaurants. And libraries too." She looked up at Jiraiya, hope and trust shining through her tears. "Tell him to read books and to practice writing his characters. His handwriting still needs work and he wants to be Hokage someday, so he has to be ready for all aspects – including paperwork. Please, remind him everyday that I love him very much and don't be afraid to tell him that I told you to do these things so he listens to you."

Jiraiya nodded gently, his eyes filled with understanding.

Shanan wiped away her tears once more, then climbed into the bed beside Naruto. She gazed at his whiskered face, her tears falling sideways into her hair.

"I'll leave you alone now," Jiraiya said softly. "Spend some time with him, Shanan. You deserve it."

Kakashi watched Shanan and Naruto, guilt and regret still lingering within him. He realized he'd underestimated the weight of responsibility she'd taken on, and the selflessness with which she'd shouldered it. But as he gazed at her now, singing softly to Naruto as she cradled him close, stroking his hair with a gentle devotion, Kakashi's chest swelled with a deep and abiding pride. He'd known for a long time that he'd made the right decision in entrusting Naruto's care to her. She had given him a love and a home that he never would have known otherwise. He would respect her role in Naruto's life more and appreciate the sacrifices she had made.

Finally, Kakashi turned to exit the room, leaving them to their quiet moment together. The soft sound of Shanan's singing faded into the distance as he closed the door behind him.