Mom made pancakes for breakfast, and she was unbelievably cheery on Sunday morning. I wanted to sob like a baby every time she looked at me with bright blue eyes. They were both oblivious to my nightmare creeping behind my eyes throughout the day and into the next. They both talked to me easily before it was time for school and work on Monday morning, Mom made eggs and bacon with toast and a fruit and a pot of coffee, of course. I was absolutely miserable because the natural course of my menstrual cycle woke me up two hours before my alarm and refused to allow me to go back to sleep, I was excited to the boys though; they'd unknowingly make my day better. I just had to force myself not to laugh as much. I rode with Mom to school; I waited for my trio of boys at the entrance doors. Jacob and Quil were the only ones that showed up, we walked to the library before our first class, and Quil looked absolutely horrible like he had caught the flu or something. Jacob looked like he got no sleep, and he was quiet, quiet as a mouse.

Quil tried to rest before the bell rang, he was easily agitated and snippy with me, even though I was calm and lightly happy to at least cheer him up a bit while going notes because of tests this week. He apologized for his sour mood before he left to the nurse's office during fourth period.

Quil had been sent home, I don't know where Jacob went and I sat at our lunch table alone, and I didn't eat a thing. The rest of the day dragged as my mind kept replaying my nightmare from Saturday night. When I got home I called their houses to check in on them. No one answered from all three houses. I hung up the phone and stared at it, waiting for it to ring.

Mom was busy upstairs looking over papers from her kindergarten class at La Push elementary school, grading most likely. She was going to be a while, and I was taking advantage of this time alone. I called their houses two more times, individually, there was something wrong. I could feel it in my gut, but I couldn't place it.

But I knew I was running out of time. It was a disturbing feeling to acknowledge that fact.

I didn't know how I felt about Mom being home. I… don't know how I feel about it, and I don't want to have that conversation because either way, I felt like it was going to break my heart. She didn't want to have that conversation either by the way she would always have something to take about, always moving.

I… I can just feel it. I want her to stay, I want them to figure it out. I want them to be happy… I want them to be happy even if they don't make each other happy anymore. I don't want them to fight, I hated it when they argued. They argued a lot during my childhood, it was scary when they weren't arguing. Holidays were rough with no extended family, and they argued then too, the only time we ever get along is when we all go on a road trip and/or vacation. Sometimes they got along better if they were… secretly (not that secret when Mom makes noise) sexually reconciling. There were more than enough stories for Bella and I to share about being traumatized from our parents in that way… well I had stories… to tell now. I don't think, if I ever get married, I don't think I'd do it with my own kids in the house.

I just…

I don't believe mom is staying for long. I don't want to get my hopes up that she was. She left, filed for divorce, and never called after that. And then he shows up with her… I don't trust her; I don't trust them…

Am I wrong for wanting to be cautious? Or was I just being a dramatic bystander?

I rolled onto my side, groaning, and curling in a fetal position with my navel building up pressure and was releasing it slowly. Breathing through my nose and focusing on the rain pouring down against the roof helped me to focus on something other than my cramps. I popped another Tylenol and half the glass of water I had taken with me to my room after dinner. I laid there for a while, I eventually went to sleep when the medicine finally started to kick in and provide temporary peace until I had to pop another one after breakfast.

…

"Wait, wait." I urged Mom from pulling out of the parking lot of the market in La Push when she had finished her homework the next day, and needed to buy something from the store for supper and lunches during the remaining week. My eyes found familiar figures walking across the street from the forest towards Quil's house, I recognized them immediately.

It was them. They looked perfectly fine. Strutting in cut of jeans and sneakers.

"Huh?" Mom asked, bewildered, and followed my gaze as I rushed to get my door open and get out of the car.

"Hey!" I shouted towards them, sprinting in their direction. "Jake! Quil!" They were the closet to me that I could see, "Embry!"

The three of them turned to me, stopping in unison and I watched their faces change when I caught up to them. Embry gave me the most hateful glare that instantly broke my heart, Quil looked absolutely freaked and I couldn't read Jacob. He gazed at me with the most reserved look that also broke my heart all over again. Jacob's breath hitched when the expression in his eyes brightened into awe before it was replaced all too quickly with that irritated gaze and he went unreadable again. Why were they looking at me like that?

"What is with the faces?"

"Go home, Celeste." Jacob instructed when he blinked back to reality, Embry and Quil were assessing him before they added into his instruction.

"Go back to mommy," Quil said with a snobby tone.

"Whoa, what?" I breathed feeling my face contour in unreadable emotions, I tried to pick them apart with my eyes, but their gazes hurt me down to my core.

Embry gave me that hateful glare again, "Go home, Celestia. Don't come looking for us."

"We can't be friends with you, anymore," Quil added.

"We don't want to be friends with you anymore." Jacob added in a firmly dead tone, my chest constricted in on itself and his eyes flashed with corresponding pain before he walked away with Embry and Quil following.

They don't want me anymore? They don't want to be my friends? My mind croaked in pain at my disbelieving questions as my body chilled and froze as I stood there watching them disappear into Quil's house.

"Celestia?" Mom asked grabbing my shoulder and turning me to the left to look at her. Her eyes went from confused to alarm, "What happened?" She looked over at the house and back to me grabbing both of my shoulders.

"They don't want to be my friends anymore." I said, my voice was in more disbelief than I felt, it sounds so stupid.

Mom looked back at the house, her face stiffening and her tone went firmer, she hesitated to walk over to the house. She wrapped her arm around my shoulders after another glance at my face, "Come on, cookie, let's get home."

Mom didn't mention the boys again, she let me escape to my room and provided me an alibi to be left alone when Dad came home from work a half hour late. I beat the crap out of my bed with my pillow as I sobbed from deep within my core as I blasted my radio to drown out my cries.

Edward took my sister away. I sobbed as I whacked my pillow against the mattress over and over, choking on sobs and my vision was consistently blurred.

I lost my best friends. I lost my friends that had taken me in on my first day of school at La Push. I lost Embry who was more sensitive—than Jacob and Quil—who was shy until he was comfortable enough to show his crack headed side. I lost Quil who never failed to boast about his looks and who he was, he always had the best jokes to brighten up any gloomy day. I lost Jacob who I couldn't deny that I had the deepest, secret crush on, there was too much about Jacob that made everything hurt so much worse. I lost my best friends; I lost the only boys in my life that I could relate on many different levels.

I ruined my pillow when it finally gave into my harsh whacks against my mattress, feathers flew everywhere. I felt like ripping my hair from my scalp and tearing my skin off with my own nails. I was never one to throw tantrums, especially emotionally hysterical tantrums. Before I could damage to myself and the things around me, I focused on the music playing from my stereo.

I was certain that this mental breakdown wasn't going to be my last one.

And I was certain that my trauma from the knowledge of vampires caused this more than the loss of my friends. I was certain that Edwards' crooked smile, sinister twisted facial features behind my eyes was laughing at my breakdown, like he was pleased that I was finally beginning to crack like a fragile Chinaware.

I got up from my position on the floor and changed my cd and put Metallica on. I skipped the songs until Fade to Black came on, I stood there looking at my stereo as the song began to play. The acoustic guitar and the electric guitar played, I turned the stereo up more and looked around my room. I restarted the song and listened to the guitar intro again.

I thought about Bella again. I thought about the day I was playing my music without headphones, and she listened with me, taking me by surprise and liking the song. It made me miss her but as I looked around my room my legs began to move, and I began to clean up the mess around me.

Everything was a freaking a mess but at least I could clean up my room, straightened up the things in this mess that was my life. Most of items I kept were Bella's from going into storage when we moved here, most of the things I had from childhood were in storage because of the size of my room.

My mind went quiet as I cleaned. I didn't want to think about what happened today, or what happened this weekend. I didn't want to deal with it right now.