Chapter 7
It was later that evening when Santana and Quinn were lounging in her living room. Santana was working on cases and Quinn was reading Alice in Wonderland, again. They had talked until Santana was talked out. She agreed to let Quinn stay with her and watch her. She still felt a little nauseous, but she had taken to sipping on some ginger ale. Of course she knew that Quinn was watching her more than she was reading, but she was just glad for the quiet company tonight.
They were both so lost in thought and what they were doing that the knock on the door startled them both. Quinn quickly set down her book and patted Santana on the knee as she stood up from the couch. She crossed the room to the front door. Looking through the peephole, she saw Alex and Liv.
"It's your friends from the precinct," Quinn told her.
"Let them in," Santana replied as she straightened up what she was working on before tossing the file onto the coffee table.
Quinn could tell that Santana was a little on edge, but she didn't say anything. The last few days at her house had been quiet. Each of them quietly reflecting how they felt about the situation. Quinn giving her room to breathe and sort out what she wanted to do. She figured that she owed Santana a lot for helping her get her head on right after everything with Beth. This was a way for her to repay her, but there was more to it than that. They were friends, family, and gleeks together. When they both saw the results on the pregnancy tests, all three of them, Quinn resolved to move to New York before the end of the month. Santana would welcome her and was going to let her stay at her apartment even though it was small. Rachel hadn't been told yet and San knew that as soon as she was, Rachel would advocate for Quinn to take her guest room until she found a place of her own.
Alex and Liv slowly made their way into the apartment. They looked from Quinn to Santana and back again. They hadn't really met Quinn, but both of them knowing Santana's preference for blondes, wondered if there was more they didn't know.
"Have a seat," Santana told them.
Alex sat on the love seat across from her and looked down at the coffee table. She saw the case files and then a look of defiance in San's eyes. She wisely didn't say anything as she got a little more comfortable.
When Quinn and San realized that Liv was holding bags, she was escorted towards the kitchen. Quinn helped her set them down and then they both went back into the living room. Quinn could see that Alex and Santana were already at an impasse and decided that she was the one that was going to have to break the ice and get the evening moving forward. She sat down next to San as Liv sat down next to Alex.
"I think that I should introduce myself. I'm Quinn Fabray, Santana's best friend, and member of the Unholy Trinity. It's good to finally put some faces to the names that Rachel and San have been dropping," Quinn stated.
"Good to meet you," Alex stated.
"What brings you by?" Santana finally asked, realizing that she wasn't going to get out of whatever discussion was about to take place.
"Just wanted to check on you since I've been letting you work from home. I see that you've brought some cases home. Anything that I need to be worried about? Or, anything that I can help you with?" Alex questioned.
"Nope, I am good."
Liv just watched her. She saw the slight movements. She reaching for Quinn that she didn't want to be noticed. They way she leaned towards Quinn for protection and comfort. She could see how Santana was no longer comfortable in her own home. Quinn might be helping her cope, but she still had a long way to go before she would be really healed. Liv had seen it all. She knew it took time, but it still looked like Santana was fighting the knowledge of what happened.
"Still having nightmares?" Liv asked, not caring to sugar coat anything.
"Yes."
"Quinn being here with you helping?" Liv inquired.
"Yes."
"Have you called Huang?" Alex questioned.
"He hasn't told you I have, has he?" Santana countered.
"He wouldn't either way, doctor patient privilege and all that. So, have you?" Alex inquired.
"No, she hasn't, but she will. I promise you she will. Even if I have to do it for her," Quinn quickly answered before she turned to Santana and continue. "Don't San. You promised you'd talk to someone the other day."
"Fine, I'll call him tomorrow," San stated.
"Ladies, can I ask you a question?" Quinn started, not caring that San was now glaring at her.
"Sure," Alex stated.
"Is there a clinic nearby that I could go to? I haven't been feeling well and I don't want to wait for some appointment with a doctor. I know that I can get in and out of clinic quickly. I'll find something a little better later."
"Q..."
"San..."
Liv and Alex looked at each other and then back to the younger women. Liv watched how they were interacting. It was habit. She saw the way that Santana was trying to hide behind Quinn and she saw the way that Quinn was will to protect her even if it meant calling her out. There was a strange dynamic between them, but it worked. She could see how much Quinn cared for her in her eyes. And, that is when Liv realized that the question wasn't for Quinn but for Santana. She looked at her harder and then gasped.
"How long?" Liv asked.
"How long what?" Alex asked looking at them all.
"We don't know," Quinn stated.
"I've got some clinics you can go to. I'll text San the information. Go tomorrow and let me know."
"We will," Quinn answered.
"What's going on?" Alex asked.
"I'll explain it later," Liv told her.
"No."
"San?"
"Just tell her," Santana stated.
"Are you sure?" Liv asked.
"She's going to find out anyway. I haven't had a choice in any of this. Why should this news be any different?" Santana inquired as she stood up.
Quinn was immediately on her feet and following her to the bedroom. She could hear Alex and Liv talking in hushed tones as she gathered San into her arms. She didn't know what to say. She was just trying to help. They needed to know how far along she was. It was still early. There were things that could be done. She didn't know if Santana would do them, but they needed to get her care.
"San?"
"What?"
"Don't alienate them."
"Why not? They aren't family. They don't know me. They don't know what it means to be a gleek or a member of the Unholy Trinity."
"Yeah, they are your family. They are your work family. They are the ones looking for the bastard that did this. They are the ones who are supporting you at work and keeping your identity a secret. Don't do this to them. This isn't their fault. I know you are hurting, but don't take it out on them. If you feel the need to lash out, do it to me. I can take it. I know how hard you hit. So, we can do this the hard way or you can control it. Take back your control. Talk to them and tell them what's going on. I'll deal with the fallout and help pick you back up, but you have to agree that they need to know, too," Quinn explained.
Santana hung her head. Quinn reached out and tipped it back up. She gave her a watery smile.
"I know that you didn't ask for this, but you've got all of us in your corner, San. Don't back down now. Stand up and fight back. I know you can. Take back control over your life. Start now and don't give up. You know that you've got me and Berry behind you. What would it hurt to have them, too?" Quinn asked her.
San didn't answer her. Instead, she did something that she rarely did. She showed emotion. She moved into Quinn and hugged her. They embraced for several minutes, until San got herself back together.
"Now, we're going to go back out there and talk to them. You can tell them as much as you want to. But, tomorrow, we're going to the clinic that Liv is giving me the information for. I'll pay the bill so it doesn't hit your insurance. Once the pregnancy is confirmed, then we'll talk options. Until then, we don't need to be stressing so much."
"You're right."
"I know I am. But, you need to tell me who Huang is? Why did they ask you about calling him? What can he do for you?" Quinn questioned.
"He's a former FBI agent and shrink that worked with Liv and Alex before. He's quit the FBI and now is working in counseling. He gave Alex his card when he found out that a DA was attacked. He's offering his services for free and he'll keep it all confidential. No one but Alex would know that I am seeing him."
"And you haven't called him yet because?"
"I don't ..."
"Don't what, San? Don't want to look weak? Going to see him won't make you weak. It just means that you are looking for help with something that you can't do on your own. There is nothing wrong with that. Even the best of us need someone outside the situation to speak to sometimes. I know I did. How do you think that Berry and I became such good friends. Sure, she had an invested interest in things, but when she didn't, her advice was very good and very helpful. She'll helped me through a lot in school. I am sure that she did the same for you, San. But this is bigger than us. You need someone that knows how to handle this. If he can, then let him," Quinn urged her.
"I'm broken."
"You're not broken, San. You're a little bent, but you haven't broken. Santana Diabla Lopez will never break. Just like Lucy Quinn Fabray hasn't."
"You'll go with me?" San asked.
"If you want me, I will," Quinn answered.
"Okay," Santana replied quietly.
"You ready to go back in there?"
"I guess," she said as she pulled away a little from Quinn.
They both stood there for a minute or two more. Quinn knew that San was gathering herself. She hadn't seen her this upset since the divorce, but she understood. She was willing to go at San's pace. This was her problem and honestly San was the only one who could conquer it. Everyone else would just have to sit back and wait for her to do it. They could support her, but they couldn't defeat the demons in San's head. The fact that San was willing to go see someone mean that she was admitting that there were demons. Quinn knew what that meant for her friend to admit. She knew how strong San liked to appear and how self-reliant she was. This was a big step and it was going to help her start making strides to heal.
Just before they re-entered the living room, San's phone beeped. Quinn looked at it for her. It was from Liv. She'd sent her the list of clinics to visit. When Quinn showed the list to San, she saw her Latina friend deflate more.
"Don't worry, San. I'll go with you. If you don't feel comfortable at a clinic, we'll call a real doctor."
"No, the clinic is fine. It is just all becoming too real. The more time that passes, the more complicated and more real everything becomes."
"Don't worry about any of that. At least, no right now. Let's just get through everything one day at a time. We'll attack it like it was a cheer," Quinn told her.
"A cheer, really?"
"Each element had to be broken down and learned before we could try the sequence as a whole. We need to work on small things and in the end, you'll see how we tackled this big ass cloud of doubt and uncertainty surrounding you. You'll see. Little by little we'll break it down and conquer it like we used to Sue's crazy cheers. And, instead of the Unholy Trinity, we're going to be the Lawless Five?"
"Sounds, good," Liv stated from the doorway. "Sorry. Didn't mean to eavesdrop. I was getting worried about you, San."
"Sorry."
"Don't apologize. You're allowed to be frightened, scared, and very antisocial. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
"Thanks, Liv."
"So, you want to go to a clinic?"
"Told you she figure it out," San said to Quinn, when they both knew that the words hadn't been said.
"We want to make sure," Quinn replied.
"How many tests have you taken?"
"Three," San answered.
"And?"
"All positive," Quinn supplied.
"I'll call Melinda."
"I don't want anyone else to know," Santana stated.
"She'll be working with the lab to help process your kit from the hospital, Lopez. She can come by, get what she needs, and be on her way. She'll keep it confidential and she'll run everything herself."
"San, do it. You know her. You trust her. And, she'll keep it off the books," Quinn stated.
"Call her," San relented.
"You're gonna have to tell Alex," Liv told her.
"I know."
"Like now. Go do that. I'll call Melinda. Quinn can go with you. Everything will be okay, San. We'll get the bastard. That's my problem. Alex will get him convicted. That's her problem. You just got to take care of you for once. And, I can see that Quinn here and your Broadway friend will both be here to support you. I know that you want to do so much and get involved as much as you can. And, Alex and I will let you where you can. The healing and the coping are up to you. This is just part of it."
"Okay, then, what else do I have to do?" San asked her.
"First you have to accept that you were attacked and violated. Then, you have to resolve that just because you are a victim, your life isn't over. Next, you try to find somehow to deal with the pain, nightmares and everything else. The biggest thing you have to remember is that part one is the hardest. Parts two and three don't have a definitive timeline. It is up to you and the support group in which you surround yourself with. And, don't forget that Alex will give you off anytime that you need. She'll even cover for you."
"I know."
"We are doing everything in our power to keep your name out of it. Fin and I are the only ones working the case. It's hard because we don't have a lot to go on. We've established a timeline, San. We've combed for evidence. We're waiting on the kit to processed completely. I'm sure that we have enough on this guy. He's not going to get away with it. I need you to take care of you, Santana. You know what survivors go through. You know the heartache and the mental anguish. You've seen it first hand. Alex is doing everything to keep the speculation of bias off the case. She's gonna nail him, San. You just have to let us do what we have to do and you have to deal with yourself. You are strong. You know what the process is going to be. You can do this."
"I know. I get it. I do. It's all too much..."
"I know that, but I need you to be that pigheaded, fiery Latina that walked into the 1-6 and demanded to talk to me because I was the commanding officer. Can you do that? Can you bring her back and fight back?" Liv asked her.
"I'll see if I can find her," San replied.
"You do that."
"I'll help you, Bitch," Quinn said with a smile on her face, hoping the levity would lighten the mood.
"Tubbers..."
"What?"
"Nothing. Come on. Let's go talk to Alex. I am sure she's freaking out about us all being gone," Santana said as she turned to go back into the other room.
Liv and Quinn stayed back for a minute. Watching her leave, they waited until she was out of earshot. Quinn could tell that Liv had more questions, as did she. She admired Liv and what she stood for. She was just waiting to see what the detective had to say.
"She's gonna need you," Liv started.
"I know."
"What about Little Miss Broadway?"
"Berry? No worries there. As soon as she knows what's going on, she'll be on San like white on rice. She won't have a chance to shake her. And, honestly, she needs it. Berry has been there for her since the divorce. I maybe her best friend, but there is still a distance between us. She put her walls back up and I'm doing my damnedest to break them back down. I know Berry is helping, too, but Santana is prickly like a cactus on good days. With the attack..."
"She's gonna be worse?"
"Yes."
"At least you know that."
"I do. I really do. It is going to be worse than when she was outed in high school."
"What about the baby?" Liv asked her.
"I don't know. I know that she's very Catholic when she wants to be. We've talked about it...some, but I honestly don't know how she feels about it. That is why I want to take her to a doctor. I want to make sure that she's actually pregnant and it isn't her body doing strange shit because of the attack, you know?"
"I get it."
"Thank you for calling Berry that night," Quinn stated.
"She was still listed as her emergency contact. We needed someone to be there for her. We weren't sure how she was going to react to us. And, in all honesty, if Rachel hadn't shown up, I am sure that San would be spiraling worse than she is now."
"I know she would be," Quinn replied.
"Tubbers, quit talking about me and bring Benson back to her wife so we can go get food!"
"Tubbers?" Liv asked quietly.
"I had a kid in high school."
"Ah."
"Gave her up to Berry's bio Mom. Lots of drama. Not sure why Berry forgave me for that, but she loves Beth like she was her real little sister and I love her for that. Beth got a good home, here in New York, and I got to be high school kid. Thankfully, Shelby lets me see her and spend time with her. Beth knows who I am, but she knows that Shelby is her real mother."
"So, you'll be able to help through it if she is..."
"I'm moving here. So, yeah, I'll be here for her. Pregnant or not, I'm going to be by her side until she kicks me out," Quinn stated.
"I wish all my victims had someone like you in their corner."
"The world wouldn't know what to do with more than one of me. Trust me. I'm just as bad as San is, if not worse, sometimes," Quinn replied.