Sam found himself once again, standing in a motel shower, ice cold water battering along his back and head. Fighting back tears, and all the emotions that gnawed at him since that day. Emotions he couldn't seem to release. Tugging, and scraping away at him with every passing minute. The consistent reminder that he lost the love of his life.

There wasn't a funeral, no body was found. A twisted sense of faith to send another fuck you into his life. He hadn't spoken to Pandora or Charles since everything happened. He couldn't bring himself to face them, to tell them that he failed. He got Danny killed. The hunter life, or not, Danny wouldn't have... died in the gruesome way he did if Sam never nestled himself into his life.

He had gotten a text message from Charles the day after Danny was declared dead, when the brothers were already on the road. The message was a simple time, date, and location. Every signed pointed to a memorial taking place at their hunter bar rest stop. The thought of going was enough to spiral Sam's thoughts, so he didn't. Instead he focused on the hunt, finding his dad, and finally getting his hands on the bastard that took everything away from him.

His mother.

His normal childhood.

His dad.

Danny.

A silent tear slid down his cheek at the reminder of Danny. Thoughts swirling of just how much Danny must have suffered. Every time he had a nightmare. Every time he focused on the imagines he could swear he saw Danny's eyes filtering through emotions. Saw a struggled vibrating below his still body. Every single thing he could remember pointed to Danny being awake, alive, for his last moments.

All the way to the point when Dean dragged him away.

All that pain Danny suffered was because of him, and he can't take that back. He can't see him again, tell him how he felt, how none of this was supposed to happen. Right now he should either be riding the high or the low of getting accepted into the full ride. Instead, he was shacked up in a rundown motel with his brother, hunting down every big and nasty out there until they find his dad.

Which he could only hope would have the answers he needed.

A part of him, a small voice, in the back of his mind tried to talk him out of it. Told him Danny would be hurt to see the way Sam fell back into the life he didn't want just because of his death. Reminded him of the stories Danny has told him, about supernatural creatures who weren't a threat to humans. Who just wanted to live their life, and only faced possible death by hunter after a stupid mistake.

Or a real monster that wondered into their home.

Another part, a much softer one, tried to reason with him. There was no body, there was no sign that Danny was even there aside from the soft scorch mark of a body on the ceiling. Danny could have gotten away, he was hell of a hunter on a bad day. He could have found a Hail Mary and gotten out of there when Sam left. He was awake, and reactive in those last few moments, so whose to say he hadn't?

But Sam knew.

He knew that no one could survive that. Knew that the large cut he saw, the fire, would be enough to take out the best hunter. It didn't matter a skill set, it was inhumanely impossible to survive a situation like that. Not without immediate medically help after that, and even then it would still be one hell of an uphill battle.

Danny was gone, and he needed to accept that. It was a harder thing to do than to say.

"I know what happened to your boyfriend. He must have died screaming. Even now he's burning."

The demon's distorted voice still rattled in his brain as he tried to push the thoughts back. The last hunt rattled him, more than he'd like to admit. Dean bounced back better than Sam expect after almost going down in that plane. His fear of flying made the start of tracking down the demon a little harder than it needed to be. But the moment things got real, the moment the ticking clock got closer to the inevitable downfall of everyone on board.

Dean got his head in the game.

The beat it, of course they did. However, the demons words still lingered in his mind. He wished he could believe Dean's words, his attempt at reassurance. It was a demon after all, they were known to do what they needed to get anything they wanted.

"Sam, these things, they read minds. They lie. That's all it is."

The thought, the image of Danny down there somewhere... Still burning and in pain because of him was a drowning one. He wish he knew that the other man found peace in the end of it all. That Sam's past wasn't haunting him even to the afterlife.

The thought alone couldn't bring him comfort, but his bother beside him in the impala did. His brother who has been putting up with his hellbent revenge, his attitude, and still tried his best to be as supportive after everything. Even if they barely spoke about it, outside of brief mention, Sam knew he wasn't the only one hurting.

Dean knew Danny, they got to know him well enough when Sam was still in high school. They tried to help him survive through everything that had happened to him then. Sam got to know him better in college, but that didn't diminish the bond Dean and Danny had. They were all mourning the lost.

"I will. She'll come after me."

"All right, you know what? That's it." It was expected when Dean pulled the car to the side of the rode. Since Sam's nightmares have been getting worse, Dean kept mentioning that they needed to talk about it. He wasn't wrong, but Sam didn't feel like he could. "This is about Danny, isn't it?"

"You think that's your dirty little secret, that you killed him somehow?" Sam couldn't bring himself to look at his older brother. Eyes focused on the expanse before him, even when he knew Dean was staring straight at him. "Sam, this has got to stop, man. I mean, the nightmares and calling his name out in the middle of the night, It's gonna kill you."

"Now listen to me, this isn't your fault. If you want to blame something, blame the thing that killed her." Dean said, not leaving much room for Sam to get a word in. Not that the younger wanted to. "Or, hell, why don't you take a swing at me? I mean I'm the one that dragged you away from him in the first place."

That's what snapped Sam's attention to him, immediately he met his brother's eyes. Even through the pain, and the emotions, the thought of blame Dean never came across his mind. It wasn't his fault, never could Dean had known what would happen. "I don't blame you."

"Well, you shouldn't blame yourself." Dean countered. "Because there's nothing you could've done."

"I could have warned him."

"About what? You didn't know it was gonna happen. He was a hunter Sam, he knew the dangers in the world." Dean's voice raised just a small amount, but his words were barely pushing it's way into Sam's mind. "And, besides, all of this isn't a secret. I know all about it, it's not going to work for Mary anyways."

"No you don't." The words felt like sandpaper as they left his throat.

"I don't what?" Dean asked after a short pause, frustration slowly shifting to confusion.

"You don't know all about it." Sam answered, meeting his eyes again. "I haven't told you everything."

"What are you talking about?"

"It wouldn't really be a secret if I told you, would it?"

Sam hadn't expected Dean to relent and let him do this. He was glad he did. Even if they had barely made it out alive. Even if Dean came to his rescue just as the secret came out. Saved them when the plan didn't work. Still managing to crack a joke at the end, as if all of it wasn't out there. Like they didn't almost died once again.

Sam thought Dean had heard, figured it was obvious. Then they were on the road again, and the statement popped up.

"Hey Sam, now that this is all over, I want you to tell me what the secret was."

Sam paused, he'd expect Dean to know after what Mary said. He hadn't, probably to focus on saving his life to focus on the spirit was spouting on about. Or only Sam had been the one able to hear it. Regardless, Sam knew his answer.

"Look... you're my brother, and I'd die for you." Sam spoke, relief flooding his system know that his secret was still safe. "But there's somethings I need to keep to myself." Dean's face made it clear he expected Sam to spill the beans.

The relief was short-lived the moment he looked out the window, his eyes immediately trained on the figure before him. There Danny stood, in the same clothes he had the night he died. Sam's eyes stayed trained on blue ones, his gaze followed him as the impala moved along the road. His blood felt like ice as emotions flooded back to him.

His throat tightened as those eyes filled with pain never left him. He's body tensed, and every fiber of his being screamed to get out of the car. To to him. That was until a wooden post blocked his view for just a split second, then he was gone. Like he was never there, which he wasn't. He couldn't be.

It wasn't Danny.