Chapter 30: Not the same

The following day after Sayori confessed to Michael her secrets. Everyone gathered up at the club as normal or normal as it can be. Yuri and Natsuki entered first followed by Monika.

Monika: "Hey everyone."

Yuri: "H-hello Monika."

Natsuki: "Sup"

Monika: "Well look at you. You're looking better than ever."

Yuri: "Do I?"

Monika: "Yeah I mean look at you. You're almost your beautiful self again."

Yuri: "Y-you don't have to that nice to me."

Monika: "But still after what happened Saturday. I'm just glad that you're healing just fine."

Yuri: "Maybe so, but I …"

Monika: "Speaking of which. Were you nervous with everyone staring at you? I know you don't like attention, so I understand if today was a bit awkward for you."

Yuri: "It's quite alright. Some people were staring at me, but thankfully the teachers threaten to punish anyone if they aren't paying attention to the front."

Monika: "I see, well I'm glad to hear that. Best news I heard all day."

Yuri: "Thank you."

Monika: "Hmm?"

Yuri: "Is something the matter?"

Monika: "Hmm, let's see one, two. Where's Sayori?"

Natsuki: "Now that you mention it. It has been oddly quiet today."

Yuri: "Agreed, she's always so full of energy. I find it odd that she hasn't spoken up or yelled for that matter."

Monika: "Strange? She's usually here by now? Wonder what's wrong?" Her phone buzzes. "Oh, speak of the Devil. Hello?"

Sayori: "Hey Monika."

Monika: "Oh hey Sayori. Where are you? Club activities is just about to start."

Sayori: "Sorry I won't be able to come today."

Monika: "Really? What's wrong? You sound ill?"

Sayori: "In a way you could say that. I'll see you around next time. Sorry about all this."

Monika: "It's okay. If you're sick you're sick."

Sayori: "Thanks. Bye, see you soon."

Monika: "Y-yeah sure thing. I hope you get well." Sayori hangs up the phone first.

Natsuki: "Was that her?"

Monika: "Yeah"

Natsuki: "So is she coming?"

Monika: "She said she's ill and she won't be able to come over today."

Natsuki: "Probably got sick from the snow?"

Monika: "That's probably it. Well guess we're start with free time before we start sharing our poems again."

Natsuki: "Hey wait a minute?"

Monika: "What's wrong?"

Natsuki: "You didn't say your catch phrase."

Monika: "Catch phrase? I don't have a catch phrase.

Natsuki: "I'm pretty sure you do?"

Monika: "Well whatever. Let's just have our free time until then."

Natsuki: "Hmph! Fine."

The three of them spread out around the classroom. Monika took a seat on the teacher's desk looking at her phone while Natsuki goes to her usual spot to read Parfait Girls. While Yuri looks around to see them having the same sad expression.

Yuri: (I've never seen them this sad before. I guess they felt bad that our plans didn't break through to him. I'm sad too. The club isn't the same without everyone being here. I miss reading with Michael and hearing Sayori's cheerful laughs.) She grabs her book Me before you by Jojo Moyes. The same book her and Michael were reading together when he gave her chocolate. She attempted to open it up to read more of it, but instead closed it.

(I can't continue reading this without him. We started reading this together and I feel bad continuing without him.) She starts thinking back at all the awkward moments they had as they try to read together. The awkward silence they always had when speaking to each other, the chocolate incident, the weird touching of the shoulders. Remembering all that was more than enough to make her feel depressed. That now it was all over. She looks over to her side and all she could see was an empty seat. (I might as well rest myself.) She puts the book down and closes her eyes.

Monika: (Is she taking a nap? That's the first time I've seen her doing something else rather than reading. Man, today seems more depressing today. Things aren't the same without all five of us together. This is so depressing.) She rests her forehead on the teacher's desk.

Natsuki: (Wow never seen them this down before. Hate to admit it, but … it's no fun without those two idiots around. I mean yeah Michael doesn't really talk much and Sayori can be annoying at times, but still? Damn it, now I can't concentrate.) She lays her head against the wall and closes her eyes.

Throughout the rest of the day, they all spent club activities with no energy to do anything else, but read their poems and calling it a day. While everyone heads their separate ways Monika is seen walking through the empty halls lost in thought with a cloud on her head. Lost in the dark thoughts in her mind completely unaware of her surroundings. She failed to notice all around her and accidently bumped into someone.

Monika: "Oh sorry about that. I wasn't paying any attention."

Jason: "It's alright. You're not hurt, are you?"

Monika: "No I'm alright. Thank you for your concern. I'll be on my way." She continues walking.

Jason: (So that's her? The Queen of our school and the President of the Literature Club. Seems nice. Better get home to see if my dad is alright.) He continues with his walk. (Wonder why she seemed so sad? It's not like the Queen to be this distress. Wonder if things are going well for Michael?)

The next day after school was over. Despite not showing up to the club, but still having to attend classes. Michael can be seen walking down the stairs to the hallways leading to the exit. While every other students talks behind his back he kept his paste going ignoring all these people who know nothing about him.

*Thud!*

Papers scattering around the area.

Michael: "Oh sorry I wasn't paying. Are you ok?"

Todd: "I'm fine don't worry about it. Hm?"

Michael: "Here let me help with all your papers." He grabs the papers scattered around the floor. "Here you go. Sorry about that."

Todd: "It's fine. These papers were going to be in the incinerator anyways."

Michael: "Oh, I see. Well, I'll be taking my leave now. Excuse me." He continues his walk.

Todd: (Michael Conner. The man related to him. The same man that everyone hates. Who now hates him. Perhaps she was right? The way he talked, the way helped out. It contradicts what his reputation is. Too bad no one else understands that. I wonder what Monika really thinks about him? Oh well it's none of business.) He continues his walk.

Michael: (I can't stop thinking about what Sayori told me. I've changed for the worst, but she kept on fighting for me. Am I that worth it? Am I worth anything? Sara told me that I'm worthless and that she was nice enough to take me in, but? I don't know anymore. Who am I now? I don't deserve to be in the club, but every time the school bell rings a part of me wants to go to the club. Why would I want to go back? I already wasted enough of their time. I bet they finally gave up on me. Just like what Sara said.

Can't blame them though. Everything they've done, they could've done something else rather than waste their time and effort cheering a loser like me. Monika is the Queen, why would she waste time on someone like me when she could easily find herself a real man. Natsuki, she could achieve a whole lot more with how she always speaks the truth. Speaking whatever's in her mind. Sayori, always so happy and willing to help. If it wasn't for me, she could've been up there. She could have been popular, but her knowing of me is what holds her back and Yuri.

A sweet girl like her can achieve anything if she puts her mind to it. She's smart and always have the best grades rivaling Monika and yet she spends her time helping someone like me rather than focusing on her future. Everything they've done for me was in vain. Someone who suffers ends up enjoying the suffering even if they want to escape that suffering. When I want death I coward. There's nothing I can do but suffer and complain. That's all I'm good for.)

As he walks outside to the entrance, he looks up at the winter sky. When he got close to the gate he stopped in place. He looks back at the school building as the snow begins to fall once again. (Can I really go back? Am I really welcome?) Without any more thought, he started walking back to school. He went up the stairs to where the club is located and stopped in front of the door. He slowly reaches for the handle but stopped himself.

(No, I shouldn't. I bet they're all having fun without me. Sayori must be lying? I just know it. If she meant it, then the club would already been closed. If that's the case, then I don't need to show up. It's better for me to leave now. They don't need me.)

He moves away from the door and turns away. He heads downstairs without looking back. As he walks down the stairs, he started to remember the painful memories. He remembers the injuries Yuri received when she spoke up. He remembers the tears and the fake smile Sayori had. He felt nothing, but guilt and felt that he has to stay away from them.

(None of this would have happened if I just said no. If only I declined that day, then none of them would have to share my burden. I'm nothing more, but a burden to them. A disease that infests their hearts.)

"You had the chance to say no, but instead you decided to join us even when you thought that we would turn our backs on you. You did it because you're not a selfish person. You did for our sake. To keep us happy."

(Am I really that important?) He looks behind himself to see nothing, but the smiles he witnessed in the club. Even after all the pain. They all kept their smiles. He slowly walks up the stairs and down the hallways back to the front of the clubroom.

"You're always welcome here, because you're our friend."

(Why am I feeling this way? Sara told me lots of things. Things that I should be listening to her and yet here I am. Why? Am I nothing but a person that lives in contradiction? Maybe?)

He looks away from the door but grabs the handle. He overhears the girls talking.

Monika: "Well seems like Sayori is still sick." She says with low energy.

Natsuki: "Still?"

Monika: "Yeah"

Michael: (She's sick? No that can't be true?)

Monika: "Alright let's have our free time before we share again."

Natsuki: "Why do we even do this anymore?" Both Yuri and Monika look to her in shock. "Why do this anymore? There's no point in all this anymore."

Yuri: "Why do you say that?"

Natsuki: "Are you for real? Look at yourselves. The both of you don't have much energy. This club isn't the same without Michael and Sayori. It's clear that the two of them don't want to be here anymore. For all we know Sayori is probably depressed that she couldn't even save her closest friend from that bitch." She fights the urge to cry but couldn't hold back the tears.

Michael: (Natsuki)

Monika: "Yeah you're right."

Yuri: "M-Monika?"

Monika: "She's right. We tried our best to help him, but we failed. There's' nothing else we can do." She takes a seat on one of the desks. "You know when I first thought about this club. I thought that this club would be awesome. A place where we could all express ourselves and feel happy about sharing our creativity, but instead it only drove us apart."

Yuri/Michael: "..."

Monika: "You're right Natsuki. What's the point if Michael and Sayori are gone?" *Sighs* "This club is nothing without those two. Maybe it was a bad idea to start this club?"

Michael: (Don't say that.) He fights the urge to hide his pain.

Yuri: "You're wrong Monika."

Monika/Michael: "Huh?"

Natsuki: "Y-Yuri?" Both her and Monika look up to Yuri surprised by her confident tone.

Yuri: "You're wrong about it all. Personally, I believe you made the right choice of starting this club. Even when we had our downsides, we always make the best of it. I have no regrets joining this club. I'm grateful to have met you all." Both Natsuki and Monika doesn't respond to her claims. Instead, looked to each other before looking up to Yuri again.

"Oh I'm …" Monika giggles a bit as Natsuki smirks.

Monika: "You're right. I'm grateful to have such great members and friends. Thank you, Yuri. For reminding that."

Yuri: "What are friends for?" Monika gets up off her seat.

Monika: "Okay everyone. Let's give it all we got. For the club and to our missing friends." She says with a bright smile.

Natsuki: "Damn right. What was I thinking?"

Yuri: "I'm surprise you could even think?"

Natsuki: "Hey!?" They all laugh as Michael leaves through the hallways clenching his fist.

Michael: (… You're right. You all are. Maybe there this Hope?)

End of Chapter 30