Chapter 31: My letter to you

After overhearing the girls talk. Michael left school grounds to head to Sayori's place. He wasn't sure what to say to her after their last talk, but he knew that he had to go talk to her, to see her, to make things right. After a long walk thinking about what to say to her, he finally arrived at her place. He ranged the doorbell and waited for a response. He rang the bell again until someone answered. Just when he was about to knock this time, he heard a click and the door slowly opened.

Sayori: "MC? What are you doing here?"

Michael: "I came to check up on you. I heard that you didn't show up at the club." He says as he looks at her messy appearance. Her wild messy hair, tired eyes, wearing nothing but her pajamas, but what caught his attention the most were her lifeless blue eyes. The very same as his own.

Sayori: "Why should I? You won our Duel and I'm keeping my promise of leaving the club."

Michael: "If you're leaving the club then how come you didn't resign?"

Sayori: "Well I thought about it and thought that maybe I could let the others keep the club and I would just stay out of it. Kinda how you're doing it. It's not like anyone cares that I'm there or not."

Michael: "Do you mind if I come in?"

Sayori: "Do as you like." She lets him in and he looks around the place.

Michael: "It's been a while since I've seen your house."

Sayori: "Yeah, you used to come here a lot whenever I didn't show up at your place. I remembered when I got sick and you came here knowing that you'll get sick too."

Michael: "I only came because I got worried about you. I still remembered how you always hated taking your meds and that I had to do something to get you to take them."

Sayori: "Yeah, I remember. I asked you if you could dance for me. You looked silly since you didn't know how to but seeing you now. It seems you got a lot better at it than ever." She smiles a little.

Michael: (Her depression got worse. She isn't her usual self. She doesn't have her usual energy. More like she's all out of juice.) "Do you mind if we talk in your room?"

Sayori: "Sure" They both head upstairs to her room. On their way, Michael looked around to see some old photos of her and her parents together. When he saw how happy they looked, he felt sad that he didn't have that family life as she did. "It's been too long since we were both in here together." She puts up a fake smile again.

Michael: "Yeah, but it seems not much had changed here?" He looks around her room. (Even today it's still messy as ever.)

Sayori: "You know if you visited more often than my room wouldn't be this messy. Heh, heh."

Michael: "Yeah, but then I would be the one to clean it up for you. I still remember stepping on one of your Legos during one of my visits."

Sayori: "Yeah sorry about that." He notices something on her bed.

Michael: "I see you still have that cow plush I gave you a long time ago?"

Sayori: "Of course. After all you wasted almost all your money to get it for me when you, me, and our parents went to the amusement park."

Michael: "Yeah, I still say that game was rigged." He holds up the plush.

Sayori: "Maybe it was." They both stood in front of each other in silence.

Michael: "Remember when we were kids we used to go play out in the rain?"

Sayori: "I remember. We got all muddy and because of that I ended up accidentally tripping on top of you and my mom got a little upset."

Michael: "She sure did."

Sayori: "I still remember what she said. You two are too young now get up and take a warm shower! I still don't understand why she was mad about me on top of you?"

Michael: "Uh well … neither do I?" (Its better for her not to know. It's nice to see her happy when we talk about the past. Despite the ups and downs we had.)

Sayori: "How's your sister doing?" The room became silent after she asked that question.

Michael: "..."

Sayori: "Sorry I didn't mean to ask that."

Michael: "Don't know."

Sayori: "What?"

Michael: "I don't know how she's doing. She never writes, but then again do I really want to talk to her?"

Sayori: "That's understandable." (She was an awful person after all. Always bullying me and making MC's life miserable.)

Michael: "Why do you bring her up?"

Sayori: "Just thought I should? Is she really gone from our lives?"

Michael: "I hope so. I don't ever want to see her again. Just thinking about her makes me mad." He clenches his hands.

Sayori: "Even though she always bullied me, I always enjoyed the time we spent together." He looks at her. "Why? Why can't things go back to the way they were?"

Michael: "Huh?"

Sayori: "Why can't things be the way they were?"

Michael: "What do you mean?"

Sayori: "Everything. If I didn't tell you my secret, if I didn't run out that day, if I just minded my own business then none of this would have happened."

Michael: "Sayori?"

Sayori: "Because of me you probably wouldn't have suffered more? If I kept my mouth shut, then you probably wouldn't have to waste your time and effort to check up on me when I should be the one to worry about you. Heh, heh. Guess this is my punishment. I should have been there for you when you were down, but here I am crying about the rain clouds over my head. How pathetic is that? I'm depressed just for not seeing you anymore, but here you are who had to suffer being abused by your dad and girlfriend.

What kinda person am I to complain about depression when your hurt physically? This is it huh? This is my punishment. The world wanted you to see me like this so you could see how much of a selfish person I am. I just wanted to see you again. Is that so hard to ask? Why? Why do I have to feel this way? Why does my heart feel like it's splitting in half. It hurts. It hurts way too much."

Tears start to roll down her face. "Everything I did was to make sure you were taken care of. I wanted the others to like you, but in the end, I ended up hurting myself. Every time I see you hanging out with the others. My heart aches. Why does it do that? Why must my heart hurt so much whenever I see you talking with the others? Maybe it's a sign that I'm a selfish person. I wanted you all to myself and to forget about the others, but I couldn't. I wonder what choice I should make. Should I have you to myself or just let you go? Maybe Michelle's right about me? Maybe I am a loser and I should do the world a favor and end myself?"

Michael: "Stop talking that way Sayori."

Sayori: *Sniff* "I'm sorry that you have to see this." *Sniff*

Michael: "No its alright. You listened to me with what I had to say. It's only fair that I do the same for you, but I just wanted you to know that … there are people who care about you."

Sayori: "But why? Why care for someone like me? A selfish person."

Michael: "You're not a selfish person. Michelle is wrong about you. The club members care …"

Sayori: "It's alright MC. You don't have to force yourself."

Michael: "..."

Sayori: "You don't have to cheer me up. I'm the one who should cheer you up. You've suffered more than me."

Michael: "No I …"

Sayori: "Thanks for coming to check up on me. Sorry to waste your time, but please leave me alone."

Michael: "Sayori?" (No, I can't just let it end here, but what can I say to her? Do I tell her I love her, or do I tell her she's my dearest friend? No, I have no right to say any of this to her. I'm the reason she's suffering. She deserves better, but still?) "No, I shouldn't leave you like this?"

Sayori: "Please MC. I just want to be alone."

Michael: "Sayori"

Sayori: "Just go!"

Michael: "... Very well, I'll be taking my leave."

Sayori: "Thank you." She wipes away her tears.

Michael: "I'll see you around school."

Sayori: "Yeah see you later." She waves to him before he leaves her room and exits outside.

[Like Suicide by Seether]

Before he left her house, he looked behind himself. He looked at the peaceful house she lived in and remembers the laughs he used to share with her. He soon looked away and left for home. When he arrived home, he headed straight to his room and he punches the wall as hard as he can.

Michael: "Damn it! Why couldn't I just tell her how much I cared for her!? I really am worthless! I can't do anything right! Not even for my closet friend! The one who cared for me in my darkest hour! I took her for granite and now this my punishment! It's me who should suffer not her! Please let there be sign of Hope for her! Anything will do even if it costs me my life!"

He leans against the wall and slowly slides down on it to the point he started sitting on the ground. He remained there for a while depressed at himself and would soon get up to head to bed. "Please ease my pain. Old friend." He starts drinking his bottle of alcohol hoping to ease the pain before taking out his gun again. Once more playing Russian Roulette.

*Clank*

"... Another day to suffer huh? Worthless trash."

The next day after school was over. Michael spent all day lost in thought unaware of his surroundings. The only time he was focused was during lunch as he searches for Sayori. He started to worry if she even showed up or is still at home. It didn't help as he wasn't sure if her parents are around or if they're in a business trip. Not wanting to bother them, nor remembering their phone numbers. He just kept to himself not sure what to do. Not knowing what path to take. All he could do is just be helpless.

(Damn it why did I leave her alone? I should have … No, I have no right to. I can't even save myself. How can I save someone else?) He tried texting her all day, but she never responded. He only got more worried at the thought that she could've taken her own life. Flashes of her started to appear in front of his eyes. Her dead corpse hanging with soulless eyes.

"Why did you leave me behind? I thought you cared. Instead, you walked out on me. Just like your dad."

"…"

"You lied to me. You promised that you would always be there for me, but you ran away when I needed you. Why?"

"I …"

"You're right. You're just like your dad. You left me behind, you hurt me, you lied to me, you broke my heart. Are you happy? You set me up for failure."

"I …" Before he could respond the image of Sayori faded as a new one shows up. A small, young Michael who ran to where Sayori's hung corpse was.

"You failed her. You failed her!" He raises his voice before facing his older self. "Why did you leave her alone? Why didn't you protect her like you were supposed to? Why did you let her die! This is your fault! You murderer!"

"I …"

He tried to ignore it, but the negative thoughts wouldn't allow him. The voice of himself yelling at him that it's his fault left him traumatized. Every step he took caused the voice to be louder that it felt like his ears were ringing. The pain in his heart growing worse. While walking through the hallways he felt a vibration on his phone. He took it out of his pocket and at long last Sayori responded, but it wasn't what he was hoping for as his heart stops beating.

[Song Ends]

Sayori: "To my dearest friend Michael Conner, MC. I know what I'm going to do is dumb, but I felt it was necessary to let you know now and hope you understand. I'm not strong like you and I could never be like that. You spent your entire life fighting against mean people who looked at you as a demon all for your dad's deeds. You could have ended your life and no one would know until it was too late, but you kept on going.

This is something I'm jealous of. I wish I could fight against the rain clouds. That would be cool to punch those fluffy dark clouds, but I can't. I can't take any of this anymore. I just can't handle this life anymore. It's too painful for me to handle. I want to be honest with you. I've secretly have feelings for you. I was in love with you ever since you protected me from Michelle. I always knew deep down that if I told you sooner then who knows what would have happened.

I know that you don't feel the same, but I always hoped you did. I don't want to be forgotten. I don't want to be in the darkness alone and forgotten while everyone continues to have fun without me. I'm sorry I failed you. When I found out that you were suffering it felt like an arrow shot me in the heart. I couldn't believe you suffered from that and kept that a secret from me. Guess I really was a bad friend.

Everything I did was to make sure your happy again, but after seeing you taken away from me from Sara. I now know that there is no hope. I'm sorry that I couldn't be there for you and only thought of myself. You deserve far better than a useless friend like me. Even though I don't want to be forgotten. I feel it's better for you to forget about me.

In the end I'm just a distant memory. Please tell the others I'm sorry for making them all worried about me and for being such an annoyance to them. I hope you all do well without me. I love you. I love my parents. I love the Literature Club and I love all the fun we had together. This is goodbye. Thank you all for making my final moments enjoyable."

The lunch bell rings as the students go to classes, all except for Michael as he stood alone outside in the cold. Unable to move after reading Sayori's final message to him. Their goodbyes, their last talk, their last moments.

Michael: "No …" He starts shaking his phone with a tear running down his face. "... It's not over. I won't let it end like this."

[Never Too Late by Three Days Grace]

With no hesitation he ran out of school grounds and rushed all the way to Sayori's house. With no time to spare he ran as fast as he could not letting anyone or anything get in his way. Despite how tired he started to get he didn't stop. He ignored what his body wanted and pushed himself passed his limits.

(I can't let my closest friend end it here. I won't allow it. I need to get it. I need it to convince her. I need to head home as soon as possible.) While he rushes home, Sayori is seen going to the old shed grabbing her dad's rope that he used to use to tie things up around the car. During that time Michael made it home and quickly went to his room. He immediately went to his drawers to grab his gun and ran downstairs out to the front door.

During the meantime, Sayori is tying up the rope into a noose and setting it up in her room. While she does this Michael is seen running almost out of breath, but desperately trying to get to her house. Sayori seen slowly getting up on the stool.

Meanwhile, Michael finally made it to her house. He banged on the door. "Sayori!" She could not hear him and instead got the noose in her hands tugging it. Michael tried to think of a way to get in. He couldn't open the door without a key and started panicking, until it hit him.

"The spare key." He went to the small garden she has in front of her house and saw a fake rock hidden within the real ones. He picked it up and turned it around revealing a key under it.

He rushed back to the front door and unlocked it. "Sayori!" He sees no one around and rushes upstairs and knocked on her bedroom door. "Sayori open up!" She ignores his plead and puts the noose around her neck. Michael tried to open the door, but it was locked.

"Sayori!" With no hesitation he bashed through the door. Knocking it down. When he hit the ground, he immediately got up and saw Sayori just about ready to kick the stool away from her. The both of them stopped what they were doing and looked into each other's eyes. "Sayori"

Sayori: "MC, what are you doing here?"

[Song Ends]

End of Chapter 31