Conjunction

11

Commissioned by Kenainath.

"And so, the prodigal son-in-law returns."

Ranma nodded politely to Cologne as they followed her and Shampoo into the back, leaving Shampoo's parents out front to wait tables. "Old ghoul. I'd say it's good to see you again, but I'd be lyin'."

"Hehehe! Of course," the old woman nodded, hopping along on her cane.

"Saotome, you bastard! I'll kill—"

"Mousse," Cologne cut him off mid-leap, pointing her cane threateningly at his chest. "Our customers will have duck soup tonight, if you continue. Now, come. There is much to discuss."

Mousse glared hatefully at Ranma from behind his thick glasses, but went along quietly. Soon enough, they found themselves in the back office—which was more of a safe room, given the thick walls, soundproofing, steel door, and arcane warding. Shampoo closed and barred the door behind them as Cologne sat down in the chair behind the desk. Mousse leaned against the wall in the corner of the room, while Shampoo offered the two chairs in front of the desk to their guests. Moon and Neptune sat at Ranma's urging as he stood behind them, and Shampoo perched herself on the edge of the desk.

Looking at the two senshi, Cologne smiled. "I am elder Cologne of the Joketsuzoku Amazons. And you are Sailor Moon and Sailor Neptune. I am curious as to what son-in-law is doing in such esteemed company."

"We're dating," Ranma answered immediately.

"You're two-timing—!"

Cologne sent a look at Mousse and the young man fell silent. Neptune sighed, shaking her head as she sent Ranma a fond, if exasperated look. "You could have phrased that with a little more tact, and some more detail."

"No point," he shrugged. "The ghoul gets it and Mousse was gonna get pissy no matter what I said."

"Is true," Shampoo nodded, only to chuckle and correct herself. "It's true. There is much enmity between Mousse and Ranma. Admittedly, some of it may be my fault."

"Ya think?" Ranma sniped, earning an annoyed look from Shampoo.

Moon reached up and laid her hand on top of Ranma's, where it rested on the back of her chair, giving it a squeeze. "We're dating," she repeated with a smile. "All of us, and some of my friends."

"And if I don't miss my guess, looking at your chi flows… The two of you are with child," Cologne hummed, and the blonde nodded. "I see. This is very serious, then."

"Look. Whatever you're planning, don't. Brainwashin' won't work, you can't kill 'em cause they're too strong and they can just bring themselves back, and if you go after their families…" A hard look fell over the martial artist's face. "Let's not find out."

"If only it were that simple, my boy," Cologne murmured, leaning back in her seat with a sigh. "It's become a matter of not just honor, but of face within the tribe. Shampoo failed to bring you back within a timely manner and was punished for it. A curse that, ironically, made her task that much more difficult, given your fear—"

"I ain't afraid," Ranma cut in with a glare.

Cologne smiled. "Of course not," she chuckled. "Regardless, the damage is done. The tribe will not allow her to be cured without fulfilling the task she was given."

"I seem ta recall she did that to herself, with that whole kiss of death thing."

Shampoo let out a quiet, frustrated sound. "I had no choice!"

"Why don't you tell us the whole story?" Neptune asked. "We've heard it from Ranma's perspective, but I for one would like to hear what you have to say about it."

The old woman nodded, shifting her attention to Shampoo. "Go on then, granddaughter."

Taking a breath, Shampoo began. "It was the day of the yearly tournament to determine the village champion—the strongest young warrior in the village. I had just won, when some foreigner and her pet panda began eating the feast prepared for the winner, to graciously share with the other competitors. I challenged her to a fight, as is our custom. I lost. Tribal law states that no warrior of the tribe may allow themselves to be beaten by an outsider, and if it happens, there are only two possible outcomes. If the outsider is female, the warrior must give them the Kiss of Death, and then kill them by any means necessary. If the outsider is male, the warrior must give them the Kiss of Marriage, and then do whatever it takes to bring them into the tribe and take them as a husband.

"I gave her the Kiss of Death and she and her panda fled the village. I chased them to Japan and we fought many times. She was too good, however. It took too long and I was recalled—I also needed to go report that the girl was cursed to turn into a boy. Upon returning to the village, I was shamed before everyone. Forced to undergo retraining. Then, I was thrown into the springs and cursed for my failure. I returned with grandmother and it was determined that what we thought was a girl who had fallen into the Spring of Drowned Man was the opposite. The Kiss of Death was annulled, but I still had to carry out the Kiss of Marriage."

"Now tell 'em about the brainwashing."

Shampoo sighed and nodded. "Yes. Brainwashing, poison, blackmail, murder—all means are permitted. I had already been punished once. The next punishment for failure would be banishment, if not death. I was afraid. Coming to Japan was also… different. The rules and laws here are nothing like they are in the village. I wanted to complete my mission and leave this strange land as quickly as possible."

Taking a breath, she met Ranma's eyes and said, "I apologize. I know it's too little, too late. If I could have done things differently, I would have."

Ranma looked away with a frown, but eventually nodded. Moon, meanwhile, looked to the frustrated man in the corner of the room. "So what's your part in all of this?"

"I grew up in the village with Shampoo. I've loved her since I was three. I've done everything I can to prove my worth to be allowed to marry her, but she has rejected every attempt. I thought she was simply testing me. Forcing me to find more and more extreme ways of proving my dedication. And then Saotome came along." Shaking his head, he continued, "The Joketsuzoku tribe are… what's the word? They're controlled by women."

"A matriarchy?" Neptune asked to confirm, and Cologne nodded. She chuckled quietly. "I kind of thought she was joking. Sounds wonderful."

""It's not,"" the two men in the room countered at the same time.

Mousse looked at Ranma and raised an eyebrow. The pigtailed martial artist explained, "I've seen how you treat the guys in your tribe. Mousse is an asshole," the man in question flipped Ranma off in response, "but you don't treat him like a person most of the time, and that's here in Japan. Why the hell would I agree to marry you, if that's what I have to look forward to? If that's what my kids would have to look forward to? You're not gonna brainwash me into just rolling over and taking it, and you have to realize that anyone who tries is gonna get fed their own teeth."

"It's how we've always done things," Shampoo murmured, looking to her grandmother questioningly.

The old woman shook her head. "I can't say I agree with the tribal council on every decision. But I am but one of many voices, and the majority enjoy things how they are."

Mousse cleared his throat and Cologne raised an eyebrow, but motioned for him to continue. "Women have certain rights within the tribe that men do not. One of those is to be a warrior of the tribe. The other is to challenge someone for marriage. In that way, an outsider male has more than one born to the tribe. Saotome fought Shampoo and won, and," here, he made an annoyed face as he admitted, "whether he wants to or not, he has earned her hand in marriage. On the other hand, even if I challenged Saotome and Shampoo both and won, I would have no standing by tribal law to marry Shampoo. I've only persisted so far in challenging Saotome in the hopes that beating him will impress her enough to finally convince her I'm worthy—"

"It won't," Shampoo shook her head.

Mousse winced. "Nn."

"Alright, so how do we fix this? What would it take to convince you to not come after us in the future?"

Considering the bluenette senshi's question, Cologne hummed. "There are very few conditions where such an outcome is even possible. Firstly, if son-in-law were to die."

"Ain't happenin.'"

The elder Amazon nodded. "Of course. But it is a viable option, as far as the village elders are concerned."

"There an option where they go the way of the dodo instead?"

The old woman grinned at Ranma's question. "Of course. It would have to come from within the tribe—and from a woman. Otherwise it would be seen as either an attack on the village or some upstart male not knowing his place. However, if a woman of the appropriate standing were to challenge one or more elder and win… village law is clear on what happens next."

Nodding, Neptune asked, "What other options are there?"

"Voluntary exile. If Shampoo were to accept it, she could leave the tribe and would be free to live her life as she saw fit. I imagine she wouldn't accept it, unless she had something better…"

"Mm. I could accept exile." Shampoo nodded, her red eyes settling on Ranma, "Only for you, airen."

"Not—"

"Wait!" Moon cut him off, turning in her seat to send him a pleading look. Ranma rolled his eyes and nodded. Smiling, Moon, turned back to Shampoo. "How do you feel about other girls?"

"Competition or obstacles," Shampoo shook her head. "And obstacles—"

"Are for killin,'" Ranma finished, and Shampoo looked sheepish, but nodded.

"No, no. In a relationship," Moon clarified. "Could you share with like, a dozen other girls, if the alternative is not having him at all? Because that's what me and my friends are going to do. We're gonna share him with each other."

Shampoo considered it for a moment before asking, "And who would be the legal wife? That is a thing here in Japan, is it not?"

Neptune and Moon exchanged a look before both answered, ""It's complicated.""

"I don't know."

The two senshi shared an entire silent conversation at that, before Neptune stood. "Mousse, could I speak with you for a moment? In private?"

Looking confused, the man nodded and led her from the room, out of the restaurant, to the back lot. "What did you wish to discuss?"

"Moon can lift your curse. She's already done so for Ranma and Ryoga, and she could do it for you and Shampoo." Pointing to his thick glasses, she added, "She could also fix your sight. Is that something you would want?"

Warily, the man nodded. "I would. The question is, at what cost?"

"Two things. First, stop fighting Ranma."

The Chinese man frowned. "Acceptable. And the second?"

Neptune studied him for a few moments as she thought. Eventually, a smile pulled at her lips as she decided how to word what she wanted to say.

Well, I can't say I haven't learned anything from Haruka…

"You're going about it all wrong, you know?"

"What?" he asked, confused.

"Chasing Shampoo. Tell me something. Suppose you have two yen. One of those you worked hard for, one of them you were given by a friend. Which is worth more?"

Looking even more confused, Mousse shook his head. "They're worth the same."

"Wrong. But you're a man. You're looking at it logically. Both are worth one yen, so they both spend the same, right?" she asked, and the man nodded. "Don't think of it like that. Tell me which you feel is worth more, to you? Which holds more meaning to you? The one you worked for, or the one someone just gave you?"

"The one I worked for."

"Right!" Neptune nodded. "Right now, you've given Shampoo a yen every day, but she doesn't appreciate them, because you just gave them to her. She came to expect you to give her yen. It's something you've always done and, as far as she knows, something you're always going to do. She can always count on you for it. Right now, she's chasing after Ranma, because she really wants his yen… and he won't give it to her. Even worse, lots of other girls want his yen, which must mean that his yen is even more valuable. Because he won't give it to her, because she keeps working to get it, because lots of other girls want it, to her his one yen seems like it's worth way more than it actually is, all things being equal. In this metaphor, the yen in question is your love and attention."

"But, that," Mousse murmured, shaking his head slowly as a look of slowly dawning comprehension settled on his face. "Oh."

"Yeah. And because she's chasing after Ranma, you reminding her of what you've given her means nothing. Actually, I bet she's treated you with scorn for it? Probably along the lines of, 'I never asked for it?'"

"Yes…"

"Mhmm. Because it was always there, so she came to expect it."

Mousse leaned back against the wall of the restaurant, before slowly sliding down until he was sitting on the ground. "So then what am I supposed to do?"

"Well… that depends on what you want," Neptune shrugged. "Do you want to keep going on as things are, knowing that nothing you do will ever be good enough? Being treated like crap, when all you've ever done is for her? Wasting your life pining after a woman who refuses to return your feelings?" Mousse shook his head and she asked, "Can you accept that you might never have her return your love the way you want?"

"No, but I don't see that I have a choice."

"Well, you do. You could keep going and maybe, one day, she might settle for you. But you'll never be the guy she chased after. You'll never be the one she wanted. She'll resent you for it, probably find ways to punish you for it, even if you've never been anything but good to her."

Balling up his fist, Mousse smacked the ground beside him, his jaw flexing and his teeth audibly grinding. "So even if I win, I lose."

"If you go that route, yeah," Neptune nodded. "Sorry."

"What can I do, then?"

Neptune smiled. "Stop giving her attention, love, support—basically all the things you've been giving her. Ideally, leave. Go somewhere else. When you stop giving it, she'll eventually realize how much she actually needs it and might try to get it back." Humming, she asked, "Is there any girl she has some kind of rivalry with, who isn't interested in Ranma? Someone she hates?"

"There are a few, back in the village. But I don't want to go back to… that."

"And outside the village?"

Mousse thought it over for a moment, before shrugged. "The sisters, Pink and Link, perhaps."

"Have you met them before?" Neptune asked, and Mousse nodded. "Did they hate you?"

"No?"

The aqua haired senshi's grin was malicious. "Well. Why not take a trip back to China? Just happen to visit their village and spend some time with them. Make sure to find a way to slip in how Shampoo would rather date some outsider than her childhood friend…"

"Why would I do that?" the man asked, confused.

"Two reasons," Neptune held up one finger. "First, and most important: to get over her. Move on. Try dating someone else. Maybe you'll find someone who loves you for who you are and appreciates everything you do for them. Secondly," she held up a second finger, "once she learns about it, she's going to be super jealous. Because right now, she has you on the shelf. You're the backup guy. The one who always made it clear he was interested, so she never had to work for it. If this thing with Ranma doesn't work out, you'll be there. If someone else takes you off of her shelf, that's going to piss her off. Make her feel threatened. Some women are weird like that. The more girls chasing after a guy, the more he's worth. If you're not with someone, you're not worth anything. But the moment you're with someone, suddenly, your yen is worth more than it was before, because now she has to work for it. Now there's competition for it."

Dropping onto the ground beside Mousse, the senshi sighed. "I was in a similar situation, recently. My girlfriend didn't appreciate me. She had me and wasn't satisfied. She wanted more. Always more and more. So, in order to make her appreciate what she had, I had to leave. And being with Ranma and the rest of my friends goes a long way towards helping me get past her. I'll never forget her, and I'll always have a place in my heart for her, but… I had to lose her to win my self-respect back."

Mousse sighed, reaching up and pulling off his glasses, to rub at his eyes. "It gets better with time?"

"Yeah." Neptune smiled, reaching out and patting his knee. "It helps to have friends. People who actually care. It seems like you don't have many of those, especially at home. So your only option is to leave and make new friends."

The door closed behind Mousse and Neptune, and Moon turned her attention to Cologne and Shampoo. Clapping her hands together, she beamed a bright smile. "So~! Shampoo! What would you say having your curse cured?"

Shampoo perked up. "You can do that?"

"Yup. She cured me an' Ryoga already."

The plum haired girl studied them for a moment before asking, "What will it cost me?"

Moon smiled. "No more dirty tricks. No brainwashing, no poison, no murder, no kidnapping, no fighting. And no trying to drag Ranma off to China!"

Frowning, Shampoo asked, "And what about pursuing him?"

"That's something we can work out later," Moon shrugged. "You'd have to be willing to accept the deal and we'd need to get to know you better first. And everyone would have to agree to it."

"This leaves me at a disadvantage—"

"It keeps you from being punched so hard your body explodes." Shampoo's mouth fell open at that as her brain momentarily struggled to put the threat together with Moon's cute face and public persona of being an inspiring, heroic, happy-go-lucky ditz. Moon's smile slipped as she shook her head. "That's the thing people forget, you know. We're 'warriors of love and justice.' Warriors. We've fought. We've had to kill people before. We don't like doing it… but that doesn't mean we can't, or won't. Especially when someone just comes right out and says they're planning to brainwash, kidnap, or kill us, attack our families, and other nasty stuff. We've dealt with enough of that kind of thing that at this point, we're just going to take you at your word and act accordingly. If you're not willing to be civil and play by the rules, then why should we? Why shouldn't we strike first?"

Crossing her hands in her lap and crossing one leg over the other, Moon shifted her gaze from Shampoo to Cologne. "We would really, really prefer to be friends. To find some way we can all come out happy here, or if not happy, then come to a compromise where everyone is equally unhappy. So, how do we do that? What would it take to satisfy everyone?"

The old woman chuckled quietly where she sat. "I have been asking myself that for several years now, when the only person we truly had to contend with was son-in-law himself. Would that I were younger, I would challenge the Joketsuzoku council myself. As it stands, I am considered too soft. Bah! Wisdom and temperance were hard won, and the others would do well to learn those lessons themselves."

Ranma perked up at that. "You mean it?"

"Hm?" Cologne raised an eyebrow, turning her gaze to Ranma. "Mean what?"

"If you were younger, you'd take over, and get the village off of Shampoo's back, so she'll stop feeling like she needs to hound me?"

"Yes. However, using the springs to rejuvenate oneself is prohibited," Cologne shook her head.

Ranma grinned. "Who said anything about the springs? Nah. There's another way. Magic mushrooms that change your age. I know where to find 'em."

Cologne blinked, sitting forward in her seat. "Truly? I had heard about the incident with yourself and Hibiki being reduced to children. I had assumed it was an uncontrolled change…"

"Nah. It worked fine, we just didn't know what we had," Ranma shrugged. "We know how it works now."

The old woman cackled and Shampoo paled, shivering where she sat. "Ai ya!"

"Very well!" Cologne agreed, settling back in her seat with an ear to ear grin. "Very well, son-in-law. Do this for me, and one other favor, and I will return to the Joketsuzoku and take care of everything there. I'll have the Kiss of Marriage annulled—"

"Grandmother!"

"Hush, child," Cologne glared at her many-times great granddaughter. "I'll have the kiss annulled and allow Shampoo to do as she wishes. I'll grant her the freedom to stay out of the village indefinitely. If she wishes to pursue you, that is between you, not a village matter. No one else from the village will bother you."

"Ranma would already be giving you your youth back. What else do you want?" Moon asked, confused.

Cologne shook her head. "I am not in a position to ask right now. After my youth is restored, I will make the request. I only ask that you hear me out, when the time comes."

Moon turned met Ranma's eyes. "Couldn't hurt to listen, could it?"

"Oh, it definitely could," Ranma grumbled. "But if it means I don't gotta deal with this crap anymore, then fine."

The door opened behind them and Neptune entered, followed by Mousse. "Got everything worked out?" the older senshi asked, and Moon nodded.

"I think so," the blonde grinned, standing.

"Great. Would you heal him before we go?" Neptune asked, gesturing towards Mousse.

"Sure," Moon agreed. One flash of light later, those who weren't prepared for it were left blinking spots out of their eyes, while Mousse himself pulled his glasses off.

The former duck boy bowed at the waist. "Thank you!"

"No problem. Remember, no more fighting," Moon smiled, and Mousse nodded. "Let's go home!"

Ranma nodded, before sending a stern look Shampoo's way. "Don't follow. We'll be back later."

"Shampoo, see our guests out," Cologne instructed, and the plum haired girl nodded, going along with the group. Once the door was closed, the old woman looked to Mousse. "What did she say?"

The man crossed his arms over his chest, considering for a moment. Finally, he said, "Some things I couldn't hear from someone within the tribe."

"Hoh?"

"Mm," Mousse nodded. Meeting the elder's eyes, he declared. "I'm leaving."

"Is that so, boy?"

"Yes."

"You won't be welcome in the tribe's lands, you know. What about your parents? Where will you go?"

Frowning, Mousse asked, "Do you actually care?"

The old crone's look softened. "Yes. Had things been different, you would have been my son-in-law."

"I was thinking of returning to China. Yakusai is close to the Joketsuzoku but not within their lands, and they may have use for someone with my skills. It's close enough that my parents could visit. I plan to take some time to… think about my life and where I want to go from here, and if I want Shampoo to be a part of it, going forward."

"Ah," the elder nodded. "I see. Yes, some time for self-reflection will do you good. I'll be returning to the village shortly myself. Would you wait just a bit and do an old woman the favor of acting as her traveling companion?"

"Of course."

And on a nearby roof…

"So? What's the play?" Neptune asked as the trio left the noodle shop and took to the rooftops, only to pause when Ranma didn't go anywhere.

"I need to take care of this now," he sighed. "You two need to go home. Be noisy about it."

"What do you mean?" Moon asked, and Ranma sent her a grin.

"Let your power out a bit. It'll wash out everything else around. I'll be hidin' anyway, but that'll screw with any magical tracking anyone is using."

Neptune nodded. "We can do that. Are you sure you don't need help?"

Ranma shook his head and took off towards his home. "Nah. Shinnosuke is… a special case. Guy's got amnesia or something, but he's happy where he is. And uh, I'm not sure about introducing you to Ryugenzawa. The place is kind of weird. But I should be able to get there, get what we need, and get back in time to catch some shuteye before school tomorrow."

"Well, if you're sure?" Neptune asked, and Ranma nodded.

"Okay! We'll see you later!" Moon beamed a smile, before leaning in and kissing Ranma. Neptune quickly did likewise. Ranma felt it when they began releasing more magic and disappeared, breaking off to find a road and hopefully grab a ride on top of a truck to take him most of the way.

"So~," Usa leered at Hotaru. "What're we gonna do tonight?"

Hotaru giggled. "The same thing we do every date night! Try to outlast sensei~."

The girls shared a laugh as they walked home. School had just let out and they both knew Ranma wouldn't be home for a couple of hours, so they had some time to kill until then.

"But sensei did look kind of tired today," Hotaru mused, humming in thought. "Maybe we'll just take it easy and have a nice, relaxing night together."

"Is that really the plan?" Usa asked, curious. "I mean, I don't mind that kind of thing, but… Usagi's been kinda hogging him lately, so I wanna do something fun."

"She's not hogging him," Hotaru rolled her eyes. "It's not a carnival ride or something, silly! And we haven't set up any real official schedule, so if we want time with Ranma, we have to actually say something."

"Yeah, but, it just seems kinda rude to butt in on someone else's date, you know?"

"Mm. True. Alone time is nice too," Hotaru nodded in agreement. "Why don't we go somewhere fun? The amusement park, maybe?"

"Sounds good," Usa agreed easily.

"You should think up something you want to do for your own date night."

"Hmm… Well, if I had more money, I'd suggest paintball—"

"Let's do that, then!" Hotaru beamed a smile. "We can ask the others to join in and all go together, one night. It'll be great."

Usa scoffed. "You think Minako is gonna go for that?"

"Then we just have to make it interesting for her," Hotaru wagged her eyebrows.

"I prefer punishment games, myself."

The pair blinked, Hotaru looking to Usa in confusion, who shook her head. Their question as to who had spoken was answered a moment later, when an arm landed on each of their shoulders, a girl appearing between them. She wore a school uniform similar to the one Usa and Hotaru wore, with a jacket over it, a spiked black choker, and black hair ornaments.

"Oh hey, it's Daddy Issues Moon," Usa smirked.

The redhead turned a flat look on the slightly younger pinkette. "If that isn't the pot calling the kettle black…"

"I know, it's why I can say it," the pinkette rolled her eyes.

"Hello!" Hotaru chirped, sending the older the a smile. "How are you, Usa-chan?"

"Ugh. So sweet it hurts," the elder Usa groaned quietly, earning a giggle from Hotaru. "Fine, Hotaru. How's school?"

"It's school," Usa pointed out, to which the older girl chuckled. "Why are you here?"

"What? I can't just come by to say hi? Maybe make some friends in this time? You and I are a lot alike, you know," she poked Usa's cheek. "I'm stuck here too, and if I succeed, I can't go back."

"I'd love to be your friend, Usa-chan."

The pair of Usas looked at Hotaru, before looking to each other. "This isn't gonna work."

"Yeah, it'll get confusing fast," the younger nodded. "I was here first, so…"

"Fine. I suck at names as much as mom does, though."

"Same."

The pair turned to Hotaru, who pointed to herself. "Me?"

"Who else?"

Hotaru hummed for a moment, before grinning. "Nope."

"No?" the elder of the two asked.

"Why not?!" the younger demanded.

"Because you're both Usa," Hotaru smiled, before leaning in and pecking the redhead on the lips, followed by the pinkette.

The redhead sighed. "Can't argue with her when she does that."

"Right?" the pinkette grumbled.

"Hehe. Success!" Hotaru cheered. "So, want to hang out?"

"Actually, had something in mind," the redhead grinned. "Today's Saturday, which means it's training day for your sensei. I wanna 'kidnap' you two, then when he loses, do lewd things to you."

"Oooh, sounds fun," younger Usa hummed.

"Only if we get to do them to you, too," Hotaru offered.

The redhead smiled, squeezing Hotaru tighter. "I wouldn't have it any other way. So, we're good?" When the duo nodded, she grinned. "Great. Let's go! I know just the place!" She began pulling the two girls away, before adding, "Oh, and I'll need your panties for this to work."

""Eh?!""

"Uehehehe~!"