Chapter 57: Pain to the Heart
Sara: "Michael … Oh Michael." She giggles. "You hurt me you know that? You can't hide yourself forever. You can't lie to me or your friends anymore. Deep down you will always love me. You will always lust for me. I am your addiction you can't deny it anymore. You will always think of me when you're with them. No matter how hard you try to forget, you'll always think of me, you will always want me. I am your pleasure."
?: "You can't escape big brother."
Michael: "Gasp!" He wakes up immediately. Heavy breathing as he stares at his twitching hand. "…" He looks to his side to see Sayori on the futon as she sleeps peacefully on a Saturday morning. Looking at his phone for time, 6:57 am. Not wanting to go back to sleep, he decided to wash up in the bathroom.
(These nightmares of mine are getting worse. To hear her voice again ties knots in my heart strings. My guts feeling ill and my breathing heavy. What do I do in this situation, why now? I've been with her for years, I guess it takes time to get over a breakup, a toxic one at that. For now, it's best I get some fresh air alone. I don't want to burden Sayori with every problem I have.)
He leaves for town alone. (It's a good thing I don't have to worry too much about slipping since winter is over. Wonder where I should go?) He takes the bus to town. (Seems whenever I'm down I always head to town? Not much options I suppose.) He walks around the busy streets and does whatever comes his way. Not knowing what he wants or where to go he went wherever the wind took him.
After a long walk around, he decided to sit at a nearby bench to relax his good foot. The warm breeze, and the calming skies. He took it all as a relaxing day. That is until he felt a vibration in his pocket. (A text?) He opens the message to see …
"Where did you go! Don't run away MC!" – Sayori.
(Oh lord.) He texts her back.
"Wait right there I will be there in no time!" – Sayori.
(I said I'm fine.) He texts her again.
Monika: "Oh Michael you're here too?" He looks away from his phone to see a pretty face.
Michael: "Oh hey Monika."
Monika: "Are you here alone?"
Michael: "Yeah"
Monika: *Sigh* "Michael you can't go around all by yourself honestly." She sits next to him.
Michael: "I know, it's just … I need space."
Monika: "Did you and Sayori get into a fight?"
Michael: "No, nothing like that."
Monika: "Is something wrong?"
Michael: "A little, but I don't want to talk about it." He sends Sayori a text again.
Monika: "Well if you need anything you can always talk to me or the others."
Michael: "I know."
Monika: "So what have you been up to?"
Michael: "Just needed air. I didn't have a destination in mind, so I just walked around until I got tired."
Monika: "I see now." She hears the buzzing of his phone. "Sayori?"
Michael: "Sayori"
Monika: "Probably worried about you?"
Michael: "When is she never?"
Monika: "Fair point, but that's what friends are for or in your case family." He looks to her. "The two of you are like siblings. She's just worried about her brother."
Michael: "I guess so." He continues texting her.
Monika: "Do have any other plans for today?"
Michael: "No"
Monika: "Well … if you don't mind?" (My heart won't stop pounding.) "Do you want to come over to my place?"
Michael: "What?"
Monika: (Oh god what did I just say?) "I mean …" Regaining composure. "Sorry, what I mean is do you want to hang out together at my place? You don't have to if you don't want to."
Michael: "Uh well, I mean won't your parents be upset for a boy to come over?"
Monika: "It's fine my parents are out of town and won't be back until tomorrow. To be honest with you it's quite lonely there and everyone seems busy."
Michael: "Well …"
Monika: "If you like we can invite Sayori over too?"
Michael: "Well let me ask." He messages her again.
Monika: "Well?"
Michael: "She said it's for the best if it's just us two and for you to take care of me until I get home."
Monika: "Oh really? Well, she won't have to worry. I'll make sure you get home in one piece."
Michael: "Thanks, I'll be counting on you." She smiles to him after he said that and blushes.
Later at Monika's house, looking around at his surroundings, a sweet scent in the air. Thinking back to all of the big houses he passed by. The neighborhood where all the higher class lives. Seeing Monika's two-story house, the same as many others, a wide width. Sitting quietly on a cushion for a seat. One thought in his head.
Michael: (Kill me.) Being overwhelmed by the tour he had earlier when he entered her house. The living room, long hallways, the diner, the bathrooms, the rooms for guests, the rooms for their collections and hobbies, so … many … steps. One wrong turn can get you lost, but what made him very uncomfortable was the fact that he was in a girl's room. So clean, so fresh, so organized. (Please teach Sayori this, but for the love of God … How is her room the size of my house!?)
He looks around her room to see a bookshelf, a trophy case filled with gold and medals, a desk where she does her work, a laptop, a big screen TV, a bed covered in red sheets, a pathway that leads to a balcony, a walk-in closet, and a small table with the cushions as seating's. (This is so awkward. All this in one room, everything that I own had to be in separate rooms.)
Monika: "I'm back with the drinks." His heart skips beats when he heard her enter. "Here's some orange juice like you asked for."
Michael: "Uh, thanks." He takes the cup and drinks it. (This is so weird. I know I've been in Sayori's room, but this, this is different. That sweet smell of coconut. Ga! This is insane!)
Monika: "Are you quite alright?"
Michael: "W-wha?"
Monika: "You look stressed? Something on your mind?"
Michael: "No, I'm fine. It's just … being in a girl's room, alone, and no parents or siblings around. It's a bit uncomfortable. Sorry."
Monika: "It's quite alright. I know you won't do anything without consent. I'm just happy that we get to hang out."
Michael: "Yes you're right. Well then, what should we talk about?"
She smiles to herself and the two of them shared stories with each other. He would share stories when him and Sayori were young and Monika would also tell him about what her and Sayori did. How things went in the club before he joined. How they met, how they handled the club activities, what they would do as a club before sharing their poems was a thing and so on. However, she did not tell him the full story, only bits and pieces.
Monika: "Oh that reminds me. I still have this you gave me." She shows him the deck he gave her.
Michael: "You still have the deck I gave you?" He looks over his old deck.
Monika: "Of course I do. I could never throw away anything you gave me."
Michael: "Glad to hear it. Too bad I didn't bring my deck with me. Maybe we could've Dueled a bit?"
Monika: "Well there's always next time, beside I like talking to you."
Michael: "R-really?"
Monika: "Yeah, talking to you always puts me at ease." She whispers to herself while Michael looks on confused. Looking out the window.
Michael: "It's getting dark. I should be heading home now."
Monika: "Yeah, you're right. I'll take you home."
Michael: "You don't have to do that. I'll make it home on my own."
Monika: "No you shouldn't. I promised Sayori I would take care of you."
Michael: "Yeah, but then how will you get home?"
Monika: "Well …"
Michael: "If you dropped me home then you'll have to walk back on your own."
Monika: "I uh … well you have a point."
Michael: "I'll be fine on my own. Until then I'll see you next time."
Monika: "Yeah okay, but at least let me walk you to the front gate?"
Michael: "Can't argue with that."
Monika: "Good" She smiles. Guiding him to the front gate. "I hope you make it home safely. It's getting real ugly right now." She looks up at the grey sky.
Michael: "I will, don't worry."
Monika: "That's what makes me worry." He looks to her.
Michael: "Sorry"
Monika: "About what?"
Michael: "Sorry for making you worry about me."
Monika: "What?"
Michael: "To be honest with you. I've always felt bad about everything that happened. About how much I wasted all your time and effort."
Monika: "What are you?"
Michael: "Lately I've been having nightmares, nightmares about my past."
Monika: "…" (Do they still haunt him?)
Michael: "I know I've changed, but deep down I still feel like my old self."
Monika: (No …) "Why?"
Michael: "Huh?"
Monika: "Why do you feel like that?"
Michael: "Don't know. I guess I just feel guilty about all this. The fact that Sayori almost lost her life, Yuri getting hurt, the club fighting amongst yourselves. I just felt guilty that all of you worry about a guy like me. A guy who did nothing but cry, who let himself get hurt, who wanted to die. I just felt like a burden to you all."
Monika: "Don't you dare say that."
Michael: "Eh?"
Monika: "I don't want you to ever think that way about yourself. You could never be a burden." She starts remembering all the students who talked bad about him. "You are someone we care for someone I care for." (Someone me and Yuri love. What do I say? What do I do?) "Don't ever think like that. For you, you are someone I …"
Michael: "Monika?"
Monika: "… I …" She looks him straight in the eye. "I respect you."
Michael: "You what?" Without noticing, Monika runs up to and hugs him. "Monika?"
Monika: "… Sorry, it's just … I'm hurt you would say that."
Michael: "… I see, sorry." He hugs her back.
Monika: (What do I do now. I now know it to be true. I love him and I hate it when he talks down about himself. I love you and so does Yuri. I like you both, but the two of you … the two of them work so well together, but I don't want to lose him. He's all I have after Zack leaves.)
Unknown to the two of them.
Driver: "Sir what shall we do?"
Zackary: "… Let's leave them be. Take me to the new restaurant that opened up."
Driver: "Yes sir." The car leaves the area.
While they leave, both Monika and Michael break from the hug.
Monika: "Sorry about what I said."
Michael: "It's ok. Thanks for the support."
Monika: "You're welcome. You should get going now?"
Michael: "Right, I'll see you at the club, ok?"
Monika: "I hope to see your next poem." He gives her the thumbs up as he leaves. (I love you, but I also love Yuri as a friend. What should I do?)
On his way home. Walking down the streets, getting close to his house as the daytime settles and the nighttime rises. Stopping in place.
Michael: "What do you want this time?" He gives off an intense glare.
Johnny: "Guess you have good hearing?" Coming to the light from the light post.
Michael: "I get ambushed a lot. After a while I just got used to being more aware of my surroundings. Now tell me what the hell do you want?" He looks at him with a serious expression.
Johnny: "I'm not planning to fight you despite me telling you that I would when we meet again, but I have better things to do."
Michael: "So why are you here?"
Johnny: "Who knows. Convenience maybe?"
Michael: "Bullshit, you've been following me for a long time."
Johnny: "Can't get passed you, can I? Well, I can't really tell you the reason, but I will give you a heads up."
Michael: "A heads ups?"
Johnny: "There's someone looking for you."
Michael: "Who?"
Johnny: "Can't tell you."
Michael: "Then why are you telling me this?"
Johnny: "Don't know."
Michael: "You're not making sense? Are you just trying to act all mysterious like those characters in stories?"
Johnny: "No, I don't know why I'm doing any of this, but that's all I got to say to you Connor."
Michael: "Whatever, just leave me be." He continues his walk home. "But thanks."
Johnny: (Better tell her now.) He sends Sara a message. (Why did I warn him? Why am I feeling this way towards someone I hate? Best not to think about it. I have my own goals to accomplish.) He leaves to the opposite side from Michael.
Monday January 18. A meeting is being held at the Council's office.
Zackary: "Alright with all that settled now. I would finally like to hear what each of your clubs are planning to do for the Festival." His members doesn't say a word. "Come on you guys. I gave you all the weekend to decide and plan. Don't keep me in the dark." He pouts.
Patty: "Well if you would like to know. Me and the Arts and Crafts Club have decided to host a gaming tournament."
Zackary: "Really now?"
Patty: "I know it sounds weird considering we're not a gaming club, but I thought we could do something new outside our comfort zone."
Zackary: "Well I'm glad to hear that."
Wyatt: "Me and the Kendo Team will be hosting an eating contest." He says proudly.
Leo: "Pff! I hope no one barfs."
Wyatt: "Ga ha, ha, ha, ha! Well, I hope that doesn't occur cause I ain't cleaning the soccer field when that happens."
Leo: "Why you."
Zackary: "What about you Leo?"
Leo: "Well …" He smirks. "Me and the Soccer Team have decided to host a café."
Wyatt: "A café?"
Leo: "Not just any café, a café with a genius gimmick."
Wyatt: "And that is?"
Leo: "The girls will be in maid uniforms and the boys will be in suits."
Wyatt: "That sounds like something the Anime Club would do?"
Leo: "That's because we made an agreement with each other. This Festival the Soccer Team and the Anime Club will be hosting the best café the school will ever see together."
Wyatt: "Oh god." He face palms.
Zackary: "Interesting, two clubs forming an alliance. Make sure to save me a seat." He smiles.
Leo: "You got it." He gives him the thumbs up.
Zackary: "What about you Todd? What will the Debate Club be doing?"
Todd: "We haven't decided yet. We're still debating on what we could do." Leo snickers in the background.
Zackary: "I see well it's in the name after all. Can't do anything about it."
Todd: "When we decide I'll let you know immediately."
Zackary: "Looking forward to it and what about you Monika? What will the Literature Club be doing?"
Leo: "Bet your club decided to skip this time? Don't want that embarrassing thing to happen again?"
Wyatt: "Or have you not decided yet? Last time it took you weeks to decide on what to do."
Patty: "Wow you guys are mean."
Monika: "It's fine."
Patty: "Yeah, but …"
Monika: "I'll have you know that we have already made our decision last Friday and we have decided to host another Poetry Performance."
Patty/Wyatt/Leo: "What!?"
Zackary: "Really now?" His cousin nods to him. "Interesting."
Leo: "You can't be serious? The same thing? So boring."
Todd: "I watch your tongue if I were you. The Anime Club did the café thing last year, so I wouldn't talk. Plus need I bring up that incident again?"
Leo: "Tsk! Whatever." He folds his arms annoyed at his comment while Zackary polishes his glasses.
Zackary: "Well now, since you all have made plans. I look forward to seeing all of your clubs in action. This meeting is dismissed. I hope you all work hard and I will see you next time."
All Council Members: "Yes sir!" With the meeting done and time still remaining before school is over. All members left the office, all except for Monika who remained in her seat.
Zackary: "Not going to leave yet?"
Monika: "No not yet. Why am I a distraction to you?"
Zackary: "Eh a little."
Monika: "Hey!" He chuckles.
Zackary: "So Moni, you sure about all this? About the Festival?"
Monika: "I am. I told my members that they have the choice whether we should or should not. To my surprise they all agreed."
Zackary: "That's good to hear. Sounds to me you have great members."
Monika: "I know and I'm grateful they joined me."
Zackary: "Something on your mind?"
Monika: "No it's just … tell me do you know anything about love triangles?"
Zackary: "In what way?"
Monika: "Well … let's say there's two girls who are in love with a boy. That boy gave those two girls hope and warmth despite everything they all went through. The hardships, the trials, all that. Say the first girl, Girl A had a crush on the boy, but then later on Girl B had feelings for him now."
Zackary: "Okay?"
Monika: "Now let's say the two girls are close friends and Girl B really wants the guy, but at the same time doesn't want to hurt Girl A. What should she do?"
Zackary: "You asked a difficult question." He takes off his glasses and rubs his brown hair.
Monika: "I know, but anything you have to offer is good enough."
Zackary: "Well if you want to know then it's a tragedy."
Monika: "Tragedy?"
Zackary: "Love triangles are the worst thing a human being could ever go through. Stuck in the middle, unable to decide, unable to keep it all together, unable to bear the burden. No matter how hard you try or think about it. In the end someone's going to get hurt and then the whole party will get hurt. The bottled-up emotions, the hopeful wishes, the needs and all that. You can try to fix it, but it will just lead to more pain and despair.
Whether the boy chooses or you talk things out with the other girl. You'll all get hurt in some way. There's no escape from that, but there is a possibility that things will turn out for the best, but that's a rare occurrence."
Monika: "I see."
Zackary: "Sorry if that sounded depressing?"
Monika: "No, no it's quite alright. Thanks for answering my question."
Zackary: "Anytime, but why did you bring it up?"
Monika: "I … I know some people going through that right now. I just wanted to know your opinion before I give them an answer."
Zackary: "I see." He thinks back to Saturday when he saw Monika hugging Michael. "Just a couple more days left." He says to himself.
Monika: "What was that?"
Zackary: "Nothing, the bell is going to ring soon. You should probably get going or you'll be late for your club meeting."
Monika: "Right, see you later Zack."
Zackary: "Take care." He waves to her as she leaves the office.
Monika: (Two weeks is all I have. Two weeks until he's gone and we start the polls.) She thinks to herself as she walks down the halls. (Seemed like yesterday when we faced each other in our second year. After we both joined the Student Council together along with Todd. The three of us would work hard since our previous President did nothing. The mess our school was in, the corruption of students and staff.)
She looks through a window to see the plaza.
[Angels Fall by Breaking Benjamin]
(I remember it all. When the previous President made his announcement about us holding an election to replace him as he was about to graduate. Zack took the initiative and Todd would follow. The two of them would give out fliers, give out speeches, and so on. As for me, I did nothing. I had no interest in becoming President, but my mother who found out pressured me into joining.
I tried to tell her that I had no interest, but she ignored me saying that this was the perfect opportunity to beat Zack and aunty. In the end I did what she asked hoping that if I did win, she would praise me. Something that I always wanted. The only time she praised me was when she met Todd, but I wanted more, so I did what she asked despite me being against it at first.
Despite the three of us going against each other, we all had the same ideals. To make this school better. It was then the three of us gained our titles. The Queen, The King, The Emperor. I worked so hard to gain enough of the majority vote, but in the end Zack won. I lost by one vote. I was glad that he won, but at the same time broken. When mom found out, she slapped me and told me how much of a loser I was for losing.
I told her I got second place, but she just ended up saying that I'm just the first loser. It's not all bad though. If I had won, I would never have met them. I would have never met … Why couldn't I be like them. Why couldn't I just be a normal girl without a care in the world. Instead, I have strict parents who do nothing but look down on me in disappointment. Who never appreciates my achievements after I worked so hard to gain it.
I just want to be like them. No pressure, no responsibility, and a family who cares for me rather than spend all of their time working. I just want it to end. I want to be with you. Why can't I have that?)
After the bell rang ending today's classes. Walking down the halls alone. Only hearing rumors spread, the hate, the jealousy, the disdain. Yuri walks with her eyes lifeless. Depressed, hated, and lack of confidence. She continues her walk with her head held low and her bangs covering her purple eyes.
Yuri: (Freak, that is what I am. A disgusting human trash that doesn't deserve to be in the club. The very same club I embarrassed. Why couldn't they just kick me out? It's my fault we didn't get any new members. It's my fault we couldn't do anything sooner. The club is better off without me. It's for the best if I just don't show up to the Festival.
Monika … Sayori … Natsuki … Michael. I'm sorry if I'm not good enough, but …) She opens the door to the club.
(I'm sure you'll all do well without me.)
[End of Song]
End of Chapter 57