A/N: At long last, a Crash update! I don't think there is much left to this one, which would be great. I'd like to finish a few stories so I can write some new ones!

Crash

Chapter 13: Never Forget

1015 Local

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, VA

Harm swiped a hand over his face and tried unsuccessfully to swallow a yawn. He'd spent the weekend extending the deck behind the house, needing something physical to keep his mind off Mac and his current anger toward her. Pounding nails was satisfying, despite the stinging left over from smashing his fist into his bathroom mirror, which he replaced yesterday. After that was completed, he went on a punishing run, falling into bed after a quick shower. He didn't sleep well thus he found himself here on what was now a gloriously sunny Monday at 0530, his muscles sore and his brain foggy. He was terribly tired, but he knew if he begged off early, he still wouldn't sleep. He was still too keyed up, still furious with his wife, and indeed, he wondered if he'd ever sleep again. At least he could take heart in knowing Mac was likely not sleeping any better.

He supposed that wasn't fair. He knew he still loved his wife no matter how angry he was, and he should want her to be able to restore herself with slumber. With a deep sigh, he glanced up at the clock, utterly disappointed when he realized only fifteen minutes had passed since he had last read the time. He looked back down at his desk and contemplated the small pile of paperwork to the left of him, and the slightly smaller pile of mail from the last week. He hadn't opened but one or two items since last Monday, so he supposed he'd best start in on that.

Most of the items were the standard letters any lawyer received, but when he reached the bottom of the pile, his heart lurched in his chest. With a tremulous hand, he picked up the envelope and tore it open, not bothering to use his letter opener. His fingers fumbled as he tried to pull out the papers inside, but once finally successful, he smoothed them out on his desk.

Harm skimmed the words until he reached a most important date. His eyes stung as he ran a fingertip over the words and numbers. October 20th, 2004. His little girl would have been nearly one by then, and once again he grieved over all the missed milestones. Her first smile…her first solid food…her first word and first step. Meggie had deserved the chance to live, to breathe in the fresh air at his grandmother's farm, and to have the devotion of her loving mother and father.

Instead, she had passed before taking any breath, leaving her father devastated and her mother…Harm didn't know anymore.

No, that wasn't true…he knew she was devastated as well, but she had closed herself off, and Harm wondered if she would even go to court to see the man who had hurt the Rabb family so badly be punished for what he had done.

October 20th, 2004…

The day he prayed would be the day they would get justice for Meggie.

Harm was almost through his stack of paperwork when a knock on his door startled him. Force of habit had him calling out, "Enter," but when he saw who his visitor was, he wished he'd kept his mouth shut.

"Can I come in, Harm?" his wife asked tentatively, and her meek tone irritated him.

"I said enter, didn't I?" he answered churlishly, and it pleased him when Mac's eyes widened with uncertainly.

"Um, I didn't mean to bother you…" Her voice faded and she took a step back. He almost told her she was, indeed, bothering him, but when he noticed her pale face and the dark circles under her eyes, he relented.

With a deep sigh, he motioned her in. "No, you're not bothering me. What can I do for you?"

Mac closed the door behind her but failed to sit when he waved her toward the guest chairs in front of him.

"I won't stay long. I just wanted to apologize for Friday night. I, ah, I shouldn't have…"

"Kissed me?"

A blush crept up her cheeks as she looked away for a moment. "Yeah. I also—"

Harm leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms as he did so. "Did you enjoy it?"

"What?"

"Did. You. Enjoy. It?" he repeated, slowly and deliberately.

"No. I mean…"

"You did, didn't you," he continued smugly.

"Yes…" Mac's voice faded as she looked away from him, while Harm leaned forward and smirked. He was enjoying this.

Or maybe he wasn't. Being inwardly enraged wasn't how he would have preferred to spend the day. He did, however, still take some satisfaction as her blush faded away, leaving a sickly pallor behind. Harm stared at her for several heartbeats, wondering when she would make eye contact again. When it was clear she was not going to that anytime soon, he called her name.

"Yes?" She was now looking at a point beyond his left shoulder.

"Was there anything else? Mac? Look, I have a lot of work to do, so if that's it, just close the door behind you, okay?"

Mac didn't move, and it was all Harm could do not to shout at her. "Come on…I really have to get back to work." For a moment he thought she would actually turn tail and run, but then she shored herself up.

"I'll go in a minute, Harm, but first I wanted to see if you, um, got it."

"Got what?"

"This." Mac held up an envelope he hadn't noticed she had in her hand. He recognized it, however. It was the same envelope he had opened earlier this morning.

"I did," he answered with just a slight hesitation. An awkward silence filled the air between them for long seconds until Mac spoke again.

"Will you…are you going to go?"

The question shocked Harm and he stood up. "Am I going? Why the hell wouldn't I be going?! This is for Meggie! Just because you—"

"Because I…Harm, no, I know you'd…" Her shoulders slumped. "I'm sorry."

That she had actually asked him if he would be going to that bastard's trial renewed the rage he had felt Friday night after returning to his empty house, her taste still on his lips. "Look, Mac, just because you can forget our daughter ever existed doesn't mean I can't. Just because you don't think about her doesn't mean I don't think about her every hour, every minute!"

Mac had turned nearly gray at his words, but he kept going. "Maybe you can just brush Meggie aside, but I'm going to see this thing through. She deserves at least one parent who cares. One parent who grieves for her. You won't even say her name! Her name is Meggie, Mac. Meghan O'Hara Rabb."

Harm paused and drew himself up. He took a deep breath, pleased when he saw Mac practically cowering in front of him. Funny, he'd always thought of her as the strong one, the one who wouldn't leave anyone behind, but he'd been so wrong. She was weak. She had left him alone with his memories of Meggie, the little girl who'd never had a chance to live. She had selfishly left him alone and broken and bereft. She wasn't the person he'd thought he had married.

Maybe it was time to end what had become this sham of a marriage. She had claimed to love him still as she'd broken his heart, telling him he deserved to be with someone who would give him a child. She told him he only wanted her because of Meggie, and no matter how many times he'd told her that wasn't the case, she kept accusing him of it. What was it she had said? She couldn't love enough for both of them? Well, if she loved him as she said, why hadn't she held him all the times he had cried for their daughter? She could have stayed long enough for him to smile again. He shouldn't have wasted his time trying to comfort her, and he shouldn't waste any more time on her altogether.

He would sign the divorce papers.

"Look, Mac. You're right. We should get divorced." He ignored her little gasp as he opened his top drawer, finding it empty.

"They're not in there." Obviously.

Harm drew his hand back, his glaring eyes widening at Mac as he reached for his second drawer."

"They're not there either.

"Then where are they?" he snapped, impatient for her answer.

"They're in my office. You shoved them under the door after I got back. Unsigned."

Harm nodded. "I did, didn't I. I guess I'll be needing them back then."

"I guess…"

"Yeah, so could you…" He motioned toward the door with walking fingers while Mac stared at him. She had made no move to leave, and Harm rolled his eyes. He would have thought she'd have jumped at the chance to get him to sign. "Mac?"

"Oh…oh...I'll, I'll go get them." She stepped back and reached behind her for the doorknob. "I'll be right back."

"Great."

With that, Mac backed out of his office.

It turned out it was more than an hour later when Mac finally returned with a short rap on his door. Not waiting for him to respond, she stepped inside and tossed the papers in front of him. She immediately turned around but before she stepped back out into the bullpen, she turned back and fixed him with a hardened stare.

"Four hundred sixty-nine days, twenty-three hours, fourteen minutes, and fifty-eight seconds."

"What?"

"Four hundred sixty-nine days, three hours, seventeen minutes, and fourteen seconds." Mac took a small step toward him. "Four hundred sixty-nine days, one hour, nineteen minutes, and eleven seconds."

"Mac, what are you talking about?"

"It's been four hundred sixty-nine days, twenty-three hours, twenty minutes, and two seconds since I found out she was gone."

"Oh…"

"Four hundred sixty-nine days, three hours, twenty-one minutes, and three seconds since she was born. Four hundred sixty-nine days, one hour, and twenty-two minutes exactly since I last held her in my arms."

Harm thought he was going to be sick.

"And it's been four hundred sixty-one days, twenty-one minutes and thirty-three seconds since I walked away from her grave. I feel every second that passes by, so don't tell me I don't think of her."

Mac walked out then, the door falling shut behind her.

And Harm could only sit there, frozen by what she had just revealed. Of course she would think of her. Of course, she would feel every miserable second since her daughter had died inside of her.

Harm covered his face and cried.

End Chapter 13