A/N: And another chapter. Originally this was going to be in chapter 13 as well, but that one got too long! I'm kinda meh about this chapter—it's pretty much filler.

Crash

Chapter 14: When the Sun Goes Down

Nearly two weeks had passed since Mac last visited his office, and Harm was still gutted over what she had revealed to him.

God, what would it be like to know down to the last second how much time had passed since her baby had died? The sheer torture! Harm couldn't begin to fathom it. He could only cry over it at night in his bed as he refused to break down in his office again.

But why had Mac kept all that inside? Why wouldn't she let him share in her grief? Was it trust? He knew she thought he only wanted her because of Meggie. Was that it? And if it was, how could he convince her of the truth?

In the growing dark of his office, Harm sat with his head buried in his hands. These thoughts had clawed at him mercilessly since Mac had left his office. He knew he needed to apologize to her, but what could he say that hadn't already said? Somehow, a simple sorry didn't seem enough.

When it became too dark in his office to work without the light on, he knew it was time to go. It wasn't quite 1700 yet, but his work was completed and there were no cases pending. Admiral Chegwidden had been keeping his duties light because of the upcoming trial to his relief, and honestly, he just plain wanted to go home. Gathering up his cover and briefcase, he turned toward his window. There was just one more nightly ritual to complete…

At exactly 1654, just like every night for the last two weeks, a solitary feminine form left the building and walked across the parking lot to her cherry red corvette. She reached into her bag for her keys, then curse as they slipped through her fingers and fell to the ground. She'd done that nightly for the last three days, and Harm knew her unusual clumsiness was due to the trial. The closer it came to October 20th, the weaker she looked. It was as if she was folding in on herself, her spine no longer strong enough to support her.

This worried Harm. Mac was to testify, and she didn't appear to have the strength.

Once again Harm berated himself for accusing her of not caring enough about Meggie to attend the trial, when of course she would have to tell the court how it felt to have her baby taken from her by a drunken Mitchell Severson, III.

Harm continued to watch Mac, alarmed when she still couldn't seem to pick up her keys. They dropped from her hand twice as she tried to retrieve them, and then she appeared to give up. She squatted down, her hands over her face, and Harm knew what he needed to do. Leaving his office at a dead run, he bypassed the elevator in favor of the stairs, bursting out of the building in time to stop Mac from getting into her car.

"Mac!" he called, trying not to sound desperate. He must have startled her, because once again, her keys flew out of her hands as she whipped around.

Harm slowed his pace and gingerly approached her. "Mac," he repeated, gently this time. "Can we go somewhere…and talk?"

Harm looked up as Mac entered the small café. He'd been half afraid she wouldn't show, considering he had been here for seven minutes without any sign of her. He stood as she approached, then guided her into her seat.

"Can I get you anything?" Chocolate croissant?" He smiled at her, remembering how much she had enjoyed them when they used to meet here after work. It was halfway between the house and the office, and as it happened, it was equidistant between home and her apartment. It was perfect.

Mac shook her head. "Just a water."

"Mac," he sighed. "At least have some tea. My treat."

"You don't have to…" He gave her a pointed look. "Okay. I'll have the…the usual."

"Milk and honey?"

"Yeah." She glanced up at him. "Thanks."

"Anytime."

He patted her on the shoulder before he walked to the counter and placed their order. Before long, he was setting her steaming beverage in front of her. He sat down with his own mug of tea, not knowing quite where to start with her. After a few awkward moments of silence, he blurted out, "I haven't signed them."

Mac wrapped her hands around her cup, keeping her eyes downcast. "I know." She took a deep breath. "Will you?"

"I don't know."

"Okay."

Just okay? Her one-word answer surprised him, but then again, since she'd returned from Naples, the divorce had barely been discussed since. Once he had the papers in hand again, he expected her to come for them within the next day. That hadn't happened and he had begun to wonder if she was waiting for him to make the first move…but that didn't seem likely. She had always been the one pushing for the divorce, and she'd obviously expected he would just sign them when he had been first served. He hadn't of course, so she'd then started calling and emailing him with increasing frequency. He ignored her at first and when that wasn't enough, he only answered with a firm, simple "no." Eventually, his lack of a satisfactory response had culminated one afternoon into an all-out argument one in her chambers.

As the clock approached four that day, she flung insults at him, horrible, awful things, and despite his initial efforts to remain stoic, he eventually could not stop himself from yelling right back. By the end of it, they were both crying, and for once Harm didn't even think about his colleagues or staff seeing him in such a state. He took the stairs down to his floor, violently pushed open the doors to the bullpen, gathered his things from his office, then sped home, ignoring any and all posted speed limits. Once he'd entered his house, he had proceeded to get blind drunk, so much so that had had to call in the next day, and then the day after that.

When he finally returned, he'd learned Mac had been temporarily assigned to Naples. She did not communicate with him during her absence, and he had let himself believe that maybe, just maybe, she was coming to her senses. It was a good thing she had been sent to Italy. Time away would be give her space to realize what she was doing, what she was throwing away.

He had let himself believe that until she had shown up in his office after three months away, once again demanding the divorce. It seemed odd though welcome she hadn't mentioned it much since.

Hope had begun anew.

Perhaps she was finally changing her mind, finally accepting how he felt about her. He loved her fiercely, baby or no.

"Harm?"

Mac's voice brought him back to the present, and he knew he needed to tell her why he wanted to speak to her before she up and left. He reached out and laid his hand on her wrist. "I didn't bring you hear to discuss the divorce."

"Then why—"

His words came out in a rush. "Because I want to apologize. I shouldn't have said…what I said…when you came to my office. I know you think about Meggie. And of course, you would go to the trial. I—I didn't even think of you having to testify, and I'm sorry about that too."

He paused a moment, hoping she would say something to interrupt his rambling. When she didn't, he said the only thing he could thing that came to his mind. "Have you talked to the DA yet?"

"I have," she answered, ignoring his apology. "I'm ready, I think."

"Good, and don't worry. You'll have me and my parents there to support you when you testify."

Her head whipped up. "Your parents?"

"Well, yes," he replied, confused at her reaction. "You didn't think they wouldn't come for this, did you?"

"I-I didn't…" Her surprise faded into anger. "You haven't told them about the divorce?!"

"No."

"But—"

"Mac…no, I haven't told them about it, but they know we're having problems. They still want to support you. Look, I'll talk to them after the trial, tell them you think you want a divorce, but not before that. I can't focus on anything else right now."

Mac glared him for several heartbeats until her shoulders drooped in resignation. "Okay."

"Okay," he echoed. "Now, the other reason I wanted to talk to you tonight…I've been worried about you."

"Why?" she asked defensively.

"Because, Mac. I know you. You aren't eating, and you're definitely not sleeping."

"So? I've never slept well," she answered, defiant now, but all Harm could think about was how she'd slept so deeply in his arms, back when life held such promise in the form of the baby growing within her.

Harm let out a puff of air. "Damn, I'm handling this all wrong. My point, Mac, is…I just want you to know I care. No matter what is going on with us, I care, and I wish you'd let me…"

Love you.

"Let you what?"

"Support you…be there for you…and I'd like us to go to court together."

"Harm, I'm going to be there. I promise."

"No, I want us to walk into that courthouse together. I need you, Mac." He leaned over and gripped her hand tightly. "I need support too, and I need it from someone who knows exactly what I'm going through."

Mac's eyes had grown wet as he spoke, and now a single tear slipped down her cheek. Harm brushed it aside with his thumb, then cupped her cheek. To his surprise, he felt her subtly leaning into his touch.

Unfortunately, the moment didn't last. A group of college-aged kids came in speaking loudly, breaking the spell around them. She immediately leaned away from him and pulled her hand back, her eyes shuttering as she swiped at her cheeks.

"I'm sorry, hon." He hadn't meant to make her cry, and he regretted his actions if they would once again drive her away.

"No, I…Harm, I should go."

Dammit.

"Of course…but what about…"

"I'll wait for you outside at the courthouse, and we can go in then."

But he wanted more than that. "Let me pick you up. Your apartment is on the way."

Mac shook her head. "I don't think…I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not?"

"Because, Harm. We're still…"

"We're still what, Mac? I told you, this is about supporting each other, not about…about us." He refused to say divorce anymore tonight.

Mac shook her head. "No. I-I can't…"

"But—"

"No!" She spoke loudly enough that the college kids stopped talking and looked in their direction, and Harm knew he'd lost this battle.

"Alright, alright." He held up his hands in surrender. "But you'll wait for me before you go in?"

"Yes, I will."

"Promise?"

"Yes," she replied with exasperation.

"Okay, then. Thank you." His lips turned up in a barely-there smile. She returned it, though her smile was just a bit less than his. She then raised her forgotten mug of tea to her lips, grimacing as she tasted it.

"Ugh, it's cold."

Harm stood quickly, not wanting to give her time to refuse him. "I'll get you a new one." He began to walk away but then he turned back to her after only a couple of steps. "Mac, please, let me get you something to eat."

Mac shook her head for about the hundredth time that evening. "I have food at home."

"But will you eat it?" he asked with one raised eyebrow.

Her lips started to form into a "yes," but then she shrugged. "Probably not."

"Then let me get you that croissant. Please."

She blinked at him, and then finally, much to Harm's relief, she acquiesced. Happily, he returned to the counter to order her more tea and her favorite treat.

"I can make it to my car by myself, Harm," Mac said, protesting when he offered to escort her to her vehicle. She had been late to the café as she'd had to circle around, finally finding a parking spot two blocks from their destination.

"Come on, Mac. Let me be a gentleman." Stubborn woman. He would have done this even if they weren't married. As much as he'd resented his stepfather growing up, the man had taught him to be chivalrous.

"If I say no, you're going to follow me anyway, aren't you," she replied ruefully. Harm nodded and she rolled her eyes. "Alright, then. Suit yourself."

"I will," he answered and offered her his arm. She hesitated a moment and Harm almost withdrew it, but then she surprised by wrapping her hand around it. Together, they made their way down the street, and Harm but loath to let the evening end. All too soon, much to his chagrin, they were at her 'vette, and he tried to think of something to say so she wouldn't leave.

"My offer still stands," he finally said, and she gazed at him in consternation.

"What offer?"

"The offer to pick you up."

Mac sighed heavily. "No, Harm. I appreciate the offer, but I can't."

"You mean you won't."

"It's just too much."

"Nothing's too much for my wi—"

"Harm, don't." Her eyes had filled with tears again.

"But…okay," he answered in resignation. He'd have to be content with her at least waiting for him before going into the courthouse.

He opened her car door for her, but before she could get into her vehicle he impulsively pulled her close. Wrapping his arms around her tense body, he waited for her to push him away. Instead, to his shock, she relaxed, her arms slowly rising to hold him as well. He increased his hold and rested his chin on her hair, stroking her back gently.

"It's all going to be okay," he whispered.

"Will it?" she answered woefully.

"Yes, it will." That was the only outcome he would accept.

Harm allowed himself another moment to hold her, then let her go to slide into her front seat. He closed the door and the engine roared to life. She pulled away and though he doubted she could see him, he waved as she drove off into the night.

"Oh, Mac," he whispered to the starless sky.

End Chapter 14