A/N: Yet another chapter. I wrote a lot of this years ago-while writing the "current" chapters, I'd get ideas for future parts. Finally I get to put them out there. Another note-I played fast and loose with court procedure, etc, so if those in the know find it woefully inaccurate, I apologize!
Crash
Chapter 15: One Sunny Day
October 20th dawned clear and bright, a beautiful Fall day though it was expected to be fairly cool. Harm wondered if the day was so lovely just to mock him, knowing he had to face the man whose actions had killed their Meggie. Or maybe it was a sign that all would go in their favor. He hoped that was the case, then chastised himself thinking so deeply on the weather. It was what it was, regardless of how his day went.
Harm dressed carefully, knowing he was wearing his uniform today as a kind of armor. He suspected Mac would do the same, and he hoped Mitchell Severson was at least a little intimidated by them. Of course, Mr. Severson would likely not care; living in Washington, he had surely seen many men and women in their military uniforms.
Once his appearance was satisfactory to him, he turned off the light in the bathroom and walked through his bedroom into the hall. He walked toward the stairs, but when he reached Meggie's room, he felt compelled to stop there. He pushed open the door and gazed around the sweet nursery. It would have been such a beautiful room for his little girl, and he tried to swallow the lump in his throat. "Meggie, sweetheart, we're going to win for you today, but could you send a little strength for us. Your mommy has to tell everything that happened to you and her, and she's struggling," he said to the silence in the room, at once feeling ridiculous for speaking out loud to his deceased daughter while he hoped she heard him in Heaven. He'd never been overly religious, but since Meggie had died, he'd been praying more often than all the years before. He was angry at God, there was no doubt, but he still prayed, for him, for Meggie, and most of all for Mac. Maybe one day those prayers would be answered, and even though he knew he'd never have Meggie back, maybe he'd have Mac.
Saying another silent prayer, he left Meggie's room, softly closing the door behind him, then made his way downstairs. Soon, he was driving toward the courthouse, his heart pounding in his chest, his knuckles white from gripping the steering wheel so hard. He hoped Mac hadn't changed her mind and would indeed be waiting for him on the courthouse steps, and prayed for that too, that Mac wouldn't once again leave him to deal with Meggie's loss alone.
"Mac!" She was here! Mac turned around as Harm bounded up the steps. She gave him a slight smile, and her pale face told him she was nervous too.
"Hello, Harm."
"Hi. You ready to go in?" There was no reason to linger out here.
"Ready enough," she replied, and he took her hand in his. She didn't pull away.
"Then let's." The walked a few steps, then Mac stopped them. "I thought your parents were coming?"
"They are. They flew in late last night and went straight to the hotel. They'll be meeting us here—oh, speaking of…"
Harm gave a little wave to his mother and stepfather. "Hey, Mom, Frank."
Mrs. Burnett pulled her son into a brief embrace, the reached for Mac. Mac allowed it, though Harm could see she was holding herself stiffly. Harm shook Frank's hand.
"Thanks for coming you guys."
"Of course," Frank answered. "I suppose we'd better get inside, huh?"
"Yes, I suppose so." He reached for Mac's hand again, and it was cold and even a little damp. He gave it a slight squeeze, and then the four of them headed inside.
Harm and his parents slid into the pew-like seats of the courtroom. This was one of the older rooms, and he admired the dark woodworking of the ceiling as well as the smooth wood of the stand. It reminded him of JAG, and he thought once again how he was glad they hadn't remodeled his place of business into to something sterile with searing fluorescent lights.
His mother broke him out of his thoughts then by asking him how Mac was and after thinking on a few seconds, he shrugged. "She's struggling, I know it, even though she would never admit it." He'd left Mac out in the hall with the DA to go over things again. She would come in when she was called to testify.
"No, that's not our Mac," she replied, and he had the urge to tell her that Mac was trying to not be theirs any longer. He kept his mouth shut, though, not wanting to start a discussion before the trial started. He'd been told the trial wouldn't last long; they'd likely have a verdict today, even, so there would be plenty of time to fill his mother in about his situation.
"No, it isn't, but I know she'll do fine on the stand. She'll go into marine mode, even though I have been worried."
His mother reached out and rubbed circles on his back, just as she did when he was a little boy and she was trying to get him to sleep. He found it comforting, though he supposed he was too old for such things.
"So am I, Harm. We'll just have to pray things go well here today."
"I already have. I just hope it's enough."
Patricia Rabb pulled her son down and she kissed his forehead. "It will be." Harm rested his head against hers for several moments, but then his eyes were drawn to the doors. He was surprised to see Harriet and Bud, followed closely by the admiral and Sturgis. He swallowed yet another lump in his throat, his eyes growing wet as he watched his friends file into the pew behind him. Admiral Chegwidden sat directly behind him and rested his hand on Harm's shoulder.
"How are you doing, Harm?"
"I'm okay, sir. Thank you for coming."
"You're welcome, son."
Harm turned in his seat to take in his coworkers and friends. "And thank you all for coming too."
"Of course," Harriet replied. "We're here for you, sir. "
"Thank you," he answered, his voice shaky. He truly had wonderful friends.
Harm would have said more to them, but the DA and the defendant with his lawyer had filed into the courtroom. The trial was starting, and Harm took in a deep breath. He'd missed Mitchell Severson, III's arrival and as he took in the sight of the young man, bile rose in his throat. This was the first time he'd seem him "in the flesh" so to speak, and he was surprised at how young the man looked. He clenched his fists in his lap, and soon felt his mother's hand cover his. "It will be okay, sweetheart," she told him, echoing the words he'd told Mac two nights ago.
"Will it?"
His mother squeezed his hands. "It has to be."
Harm was in tears by the time Mac stepped down from the stand. She'd stayed calm, but even she couldn't stop her own tears from flowing. Harm knew everyone in the room had been affected by Mac's testimony. Harriet was sniffling behind him as Mac sat down next to him, and Harm wrapped his arm around her shoulders. He offered her his handkerchief, thanking the lord he had brought two, and she dabbed at her eyes with it. She allowed him to hold her for just a moment more, then sat up, shifting so there was plenty of space between them. He had no doubt that part of it was due to her being in uniform as well, and of course there were to be no public displays of affection while wearing them. That didn't stop him from taking her hand in his.
As expected, the trial was short. Mr. Severson had said his peace, expressing his remorse to the Rabbs that his actions had hurt them. Harm, however, was not ready to forgive, and he sat stoically as the young man rambled on. He glanced over at Mac, and he could see she was likely feeling the same. He thanked the heavens when the younger man left the stand.
After that, there were a few more words from each lawyer, and they were all dismissed to await the verdict and sentencing. Harm turned to help Mac stand but she had already risen, and before he could even say anything, she was rushing down the aisle, once again leaving him behind. This time, however, he was not going stand for it. After briefly speaking to his parents and friends, he went after Mac, hoping she hadn't driven off on her own to await the verdict. He needed her, and he knew deep in his heart she needed him.
Harm finally found Mac in a little alcove at the end of the hall two floors up from the courtrooms. She was huddled in the corner, arms crossed over her chest as she gazed out the window. He touched her shoulder, and he could feel her shy away. How he wished she would let him comfort her, but even as he sat by her in the courtroom, her hand in his, she'd held herself apart.
"Hey, Mac? Did you want to come with Mom and Frank and me to grab some coffee? Mac?"
"What? Oh. Um, you go ahead…I wouldn't want to intrude…I'll just stay here until things start up again."
"Mac…you wouldn't be intruding. My mother's the one who suggested asking anyway."
"Oh…your mom…um, tell her…tell her I appreciate the offer, but I'd rather just stay here. I'll see you all downstairs." She turned away from him, and it occurred to him he'd made a colossal blunder.
"Mac, I—"
"They're waiting for you…you'd better go."
"Mac, no…I didn't mean…well, I want you to come too. I don't want you to be alone…and regardless of what's going on with us, we're in this together, remember? For Meggie. I just meant to tell you my parents wanted you with us too."
Harm caught her wince as he mentioned their daughter, and he wished once again she would talk about their baby. Truly talk about her. Holding it all inside was going to kill her.
"Mac? Please?" He held his hand out to her and held his breath as she raised her hand in kind, but then she pulled it back and crossed her arms again.
"I-I left my coat downstairs."
"Take mine."
"I couldn't."
Harm shrugged out of his trench coat and draped it over her shoulders. "There, problem solved."
"No, I…"
"Mac, honey…please. Come with me. Please." He held his hand out to her again, and after several silent moments, she took it. She only held it briefly, but she still followed him, and to his relief, she allowed him to put his arm around her narrow shoulders. Together, they walked the long hall to where his parents waited, and Mac soon found herself in the loving embrace of his mother.
Harm released his breath as the judge read the sentence. Mr. Mitchell Severson was to serve eighteen months in prison, followed by five years' probation. He would not be allowed any alcohol or other mind-altering substances again. He had more than one DUI and if he got another one, he would be going to prison for a long time. It seemed wrong that this time, he'd only be serving a short sentence, and he'd likely get out in less than a year anyway. It was such a small amount of time to make up for all the time they would be missing out with Meggie. Harm tried to comfort himself with the fact that at least he'd spend some time behind bars. It would have to be enough, he thought, as he was drawn with Mac into his parents' embrace.
Harm gazed around the room, his eyes searching out Mac. He found her still sitting in the corner in what had been her favorite plush chair, where she'd withdrawn to after mingling only briefly. Harriet and his mother had put together a little lunch, and unfortunately, he suspected Mac hadn't touched any of it.
He watched her for several minutes, saw her sink more into herself each time one of their friends stopped to talk, and it broke his heart. He could tell she felt out of place, as if she didn't feel welcome here with everything that went down between them. He wished he could convince her that their friends weren't upset with her. They cared deeply for her and that hadn't changed with their marital problems. They understood more than she knew.
After a few more minutes, he felt his mother's arm wrap around him. She had a mug of tea in her other hand, and by the look of it, he could tell it was for Mac.
"How are you doing, honey?" she asked as she rubbed his back. Harm shrugged.
"Okay…glad it's over…wish he'd have gotten worse…"
"I know, sweetheart. We all do…even though we knew it would likely turn out this way…you always hope, though."
"Yeah…" The two stood in silence for a few heartbeats before Harm spoke again.
"I'm still worried, though."
"About…"
"Mac…Mom, she's not dealing with any of this. She won't talk about it, won't reach out to any of our friends…Harriet has been great…she's made sure Mac knows she's always available to talk…makes sure to bring by dinner a couple of times a week and stays to make sure Mac eats it…Mom, if anyone can understand What it's like to lose a child, she does. Mac, though…she's convinced she shouldn't burden Harriet with this since our…since M-Meggie…" Harm choked on the words and his mother drew him down so she could kiss his temple.
"I know, son. I know. We're just going to have keep trying to convince her otherwise."
Harm pinched his lips together. It was obvious he and Mac were separated, but it was true he hadn't told his parents about her desire for a divorce. He had been hoping she'd change her mind before he had to tell them anything. He suddenly couldn't hold it in any longer.
"Mac wants a divorce."
The words were blurted out, almost shocking Harm. He hadn't meant it to come out that way, but it was a relief to have it out in the open.
"Oh, son…why?"
"She thinks it isn't fair to keep me when she doesn't plan on ever getting pregnant again…and most of all, she thinks I don't love her."
"How could she…"
"She's leaving," Harm interrupted.
"I know— "
"No, she's leaving. Mom, I need to—"
"Go, son. Stop her. I'll bring her tea by in a moment."
Harm nodded and rushed over to where Mac stood, slipping on her coat. "Mac…where are you going?"
"Home…I've, uh…I should let you guys…" She swallowed hard. "I should give you guys some privacy. Thanks for letting me, um, stay…"
"Mac…don't go. You haven't eaten anything yet; you need to, and I don't think you should be alone right now.
Mac's eyes widened. "You don't…why?"
"Mac…because I love—"
"Harm, don't. Not here." She looked pained and Harm was tired of hearing those words time after time.
"Okay, but I can still worry about you, so please…please stay. Be with your family."
"Harm, they're not—"
"Mac, sweetheart…at least have a cup of tea before you go. My mom is getting some for you. He waved Trish over.
Mac's eyes darted back and forth between Harm and his mother as the older woman approached, a new mug of tea in her hand, telling Mac to please stay as well. For a long moment Harm thought their entreaties were in vain, but then Mac held out her hand to accept the steaming mug.
"Okay…thank you, Mrs. Burnett."
Harm saw tears well up in his mother's eyes. Mac had called her Trish since she and Harm announced their pregnancy and marriage.
"Mac, sweetheart…it's Trish…you know that. We're family."
"Harm hasn't told you—"
"No, honey…he did…but you're always going to be family, Sarah." Trish took the tea from Mac's hands and set it on the little table by the door while Harm slid her coat down over her arms and removed it. His mother then wrapped her arms around her daughter-in-law as Harm looked on, noticing how Mac clung to his mother. How he wanted her to cling to him…but maybe if Mac could see how much his family loved her…she'd realize that he loved her in a way that couldn't even compare.
End Chapter 15