5

Chapter 601 Eric's Even Worse Night

"

Eric was dealing with major heartbreak. Not only was Jax not getting his parts handled by the real life blonde hunk Jax, he'd been banned for life from TM and taken a beating. Life was just not fair when you were a little different.

Damn. He should never have given into his sexual impulses and he would have been just fine. In retrospect he could see the error of his ways, but at the time, he was sure he would be able to pull it off. Of all the people who had to discover him, why did it have to be Tig? When he looked up and saw him, he'd nearly shit himself. That bastard had given him a beating when he'd tried to walk into the clubhouse on another ill-advised impulse.

He shut his eyes imagining if it had been Jax. Jax would have seen his naked, sweat slicked, firm, slightly muscular body and immediately been overcome with lust. He would have joined him in the backseat and he would have given Jax Teller, the real living breathing blonde embodiment of sex, the best blow job of his life. Even if Jax had given him a beating, he would have enjoyed every pain filled second of it because he was up for a little pain with his pleasure especially if it was coming from human Jax.

Now, he was bruised, battered and sore as hell. And he had another problem worse than the beating he'd taken.

There were only two options left to him and neither was pleasant. It was a no-brainer to choose the lesser of the two horrible options. He got out of Jax and gingerly walked up to Carl's door and knocked. The lights were on in the house, so he was confident he was home. He hoped that bitch Margaret wasn't with him.

He rang the doorbell hoping that Carl would be in a rare good mood. That man really needed to consider using coke or heroin. Either would be an improvement over non-medicated Carl.

Carl opened the door and eyed Eric with a distinct lack of enthusiasm.

"What do you want?" Carl demanded.

"I really need to talk to you."

Carl sighed heavily and stood aside so Eric could enter. They walked into his study and each took seats on either side of his desk. Carl took a sip of his Scotch as he waited for Eric to speak.

Eric had rehearsed what he was going to say choosing between the story most likely to get him what he wanted depending on Carl's mood.

"I went to a country western bar out of town. It was full of rednecks and they don't like my kind."

"Your kind?"

"Gay."

Eric prided himself on his butch masculine image. It was what helped him make the big bucks when he did gay porn. It had been the surprise twist in many of his films. He'd fooled a lot of women too and not just that pathetic Tara Knowles—now dead yes!

"OK," Carl said not bothering to hide his boredom.

"I went to the men's room and a couple of guys jumped me, dragged me out into the alley and assaulted me. They put a car inside me."

"Inside where?"

"Where do you think? It hurts to sit,"

"So this gang of red necks sees you and immediately decides to shove a car up your ass?"

"There's a lot of homophobic people in country and western bars," Eric said sadly.

Carl steepled his fingers and thought over Eric's story.

"Who just happen to carry around toy cars?"

"I can't second guess crazy."

"Eric, did you put the car up your own ass and tell me that story to gain my sympathy?"

"No, of course not," Eric insisted feebly. He could see the skepticism on Carl's face. "Look at me. I got beat up."

"You got beat up, but the car reads more like a solo sex act gone wrong. I heard a lot about them when I was a resident in ER. Straight or gay, people were always putting things where they weren't meant to go."

"That's not what happened," Eric protested.

"OK, so you were the victim of toy car carrying homophobes who attacked you. Why didn't you call the cops? You're a crime victim. Even better, you're a victim of a hate crime."

Eric flushed uncomfortably. He wasn't ashamed of what he'd done. He just didn't like to admit that he'd been so stupid that he'd forgotten to tie a string around the car.

"OK. I made a tiny mistake and it's stuck. Could you get it out?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't like asses. Any asses including my own. Can't understand why people are so excited by the look of an ass. That thing shits. What's so sexy about that?"

"Come on, Carl," Eric pleaded. "I'm sure you have some tool that you could use to pluck it right out."

"Still not going on a treasure hunt in your ass," Carl said. He took a sip of Scotch. Eric was sure that Carl was enjoying this whole situation. Sadistic bastard.

"You're a doctor."

"Even more reason not to scavenger hunt in your ass. Who the hell knows how far that thing is up your ass? It could be so far, you'll need surgery to get it out. And even if I had a passionate desire to probe your ass, I don't have the equipment. You're going to need to go to the ER. Try telling them the country western bar story. Just tell them you got knocked out and don't remember the name of the bar or the descriptions of the guys. Someone roughed you up, go with that."

"Tig at TM," Eric said sullenly, "beat me up."

"No point going to the cops over that. They won't do a damned thing."

"Can't you at least take a look?" Eric's voice had risen to a whine.

"Hell no," Carl said getting to his feet. "If I'm wanted to look at asses, I'd have been a proctologist. Now that's a shitty job," Carl smiled at his joke.

Eric took the hint, got to his feet and left. Now, he had no choice but to go to St. Thomas because he couldn't leave Jax up his ass much longer.

Life sucks.

"

Author's Note: This is also based on a movie. A guy did the car thing in one of the Jackass movies. I think it was the first one or the second near the end. It was really funny mostly due to the doctor's horrified reaction.

Poor Eric. He loves Ford Fiesta cars and Jax Teller, but it seems that he is destined to never get his hands on the real flesh and blood version of Jax.