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Chapter 609 Whatever It Takes
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Steve's words played over and over in Tara's head like a catchy song on the radio only it wasn't fun to hear. It wasn't the part about being sorry he'd saved her that haunted her; it was the part about her being in love with Jax.
When she returned to Charming, she thought she and Jax could pick up where they left off. He'd quickly changed her mind about that when he rejected her. She'd been OK with that because she wasn't sure she was still in love with him. She hoped they could find the love they shared again, but was enough of a realist to know it might not happen.
After he'd told her they had no future, she'd moved on. Jax had been more of a fantasy to hold onto when things were bad anyway. She hadn't felt that crushing heartbreak she'd experienced when she left town and the love of her life. She was confident she could find another love of her life.
She'd never felt a love like she'd had for Jax, but she was pragmatic enough to know that was because she just hadn't met the right man for her. One day she'd meet the man she was supposed to be with. She just wanted that day to be soon. How much longer was she going to have to wait? It had already been years.
Everything was perfectly OK until Jax got shot in the ass and she'd saved his life. It wasn't her fault. He was still a hot, sexy man and she felt desire stir inside her. Only a woman made of cold hard steel could have not been a little aroused at the sight of Jax's ass. She didn't treat men in her medical practice and, while in med school, she'd tended some attractive patients but she'd always been able to keep her feelings professional.
After that incident, she'd convinced herself it was a one time event until the memory of touching Jax so intimately began haunting her, spinning around and around in her head because she wanted to touch him again, not as a doctor but as a lover. And she wanted him to touch her.
When she and Jax had been together, he'd had a long lanky teen body. During the ten years she'd been gone, he'd grown the body of a man and it was sexy as hell. It wasn't love and had nothing to do with their past. He was a sexy man and it was natural to have sexual feelings about a man that hot. Her fingers itched to stroke that hard muscled flesh and explore him. It was perfectly natural. She'd had sexual feelings for men before and it had nothing to do with love. It was lust. Pure and simple.
When she and Jax were together, he had been controlled by Gemma. She knew he would never take her side over his precious overbearing bitch mother. He was also reckless, hot tempered and impulsive, but the man he'd grown into was mature and in control.
She'd spent time in the clubhouse and seen him with Scarlett. He treated her so well. The crow-eaters told her they weren't allowed to touch Jax because Scarlett was his old lady and if they did they would be kicked out of the clubhouse. She'd always had to fight them off. How many cat fights had she been in over crow-eaters touching Jax? A dozen? Maybe more. Scarlett hadn't had to fight for Jax like she had. Was this new attitude with crow-eaters part of his maturity or was it because he was with Scarlett?
There was the way he looked at her. She was pretty sure Jax never looked at her the way he looked at Scarlett with light in his eyes and his mouth already tilting into a smile when he caught a glimpse of her.
The biggest change was the way he'd grown balls and stood up to Gemma. He had actually banned Gemma from the clubhouse. She never thought she'd see the day when he would stand up to his horrible domineering bitch mother, but he'd done it and it was due to Scarlett.
She wasn't in love with high school Jax. That was over. They weren't those same people anymore. She was in love with the man he was now the man he'd grown and become during those ten years away. She'd fallen in love with him over the many times she'd gone to the clubhouse. It wasn't planned; it just happened. It wasn't her fault.
Steve was right when he accused her of using him as a place holder for Jax. She encouraged him to patch SAMCRO because that would make him more like Jax. All he could ever be was a pale imitation of the man she now loved. And he'd revealed himself to be another hateful loser she'd been unwise enough to date.
Steve said Jax was too smart to ever be with her. That was his bitterness speaking she was sure. Still, Scarlett was stiff competition. Scarlett was prettier than she would ever be. She also had charm and Jax appeared completely under her spell. She was a neo-natal surgeon so that made her smarter than Scarlett and she had a shared past with Jax. She wasn't sure that was enough to pry Jax away from Scarlett.
When she became friends with Scarlett, she had no interest in Jax. She enjoyed being her friend. She still liked being her friend, but she knew, she'd toss the friendship aside in a heartbeat.
She loved Jax and would do anything to get him back even if getting him back was only for one night.
Dear God what a night it would be!
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Turns out Tara fell back in love with Jax and Steve was bitter but right. Also as of 6/27, the notifications appear to be down again. Every day I submit emails to support, don't know if it helps but I have to try. They were down and then they fixed them but now they are broken again. The view/visitor counters were broken again but they managed to fix them after a few days.