16 and Good

by Clubhouse Treats

Desperate to lose his virginity, Trevor ends up meeting a 23-year-old woman at a bachelorette party. However, he doesn't tell her his real age. Meanwhile, Lynne is offended when Jaylynn chooses RK over her as a temporary roommate.

1. 16 and Good Script

Thank You, Heavenly

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 10

EPISODE 13

Air Date: December 1, 2024

"16 and Good"

Special Guest Stars: Larisa Oleynik as Denise, Kira Kosarin as Lynne

#TYH1013

SCENE 1

George Meyer High School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

KG, Rodney, and Denise are near the lockers.

KG: And then he said "Colin Powell is not openly black. Colin Powell is openly white. He just happens to be black."

Rodney snickers.

RODNEY: That's pretty funny.

KG: Really? A chortle? You can do better than that, Rod.

RODNEY: What the hell is a chortle?

DENISE: It's just another way to say "laugh."

RODNEY: I don't see what the problem is. It was a funny joke, I acknowledged it.

KG: It's not a big laugh, you know? I was just expecting more.

Trevor walks up to the guys looking irritated. Without saying anything, he opens his locker and aggressively puts some stuff away. He then starts mumbling to himself.

DENISE: Trevor, is everything okay?

TREVOR: What? It's going to be okay?!

DENISE: I...don't know how to respond to that.

TREVOR: Then say it's my fault! Say I failed my dick, I should have done something! I did...nothing!

Beat. A few kids look in the guys' direction, bewildered.

RODNEY: I'm starting to see why nobody sits with us at lunch.

KG: Trevor, could you calm down and walk us through whatever this is? Everyone's staring like you're on speed.

TREVOR: I had it all set up this weekend. I was finally going to get laid when my date cancelled on me at the last minute. And you know why she cancelled? Because she was with another guy!

KG: That's terrible, man. But look at it this way. You found out her true colors. You'll never have to worry about her again.

TREVOR: I don't give a shit about that. She could have dated that other guy after we had sex. At least give me mine before he gets his.

DENISE: Why are you assuming this girl's going to sleep with whatever guy she's with?

TREVOR: Does the text "bring the hats" mean anything to you?

DENISE: I guess that sounds like a sex thing. Is it?

TREVOR: Yes, what do you think it is, dress-up?!

RODNEY: Bro, seriously, take it easy before you get in trouble.

TREVOR: No, I will not take it easy. I'm 16, Rodney. I'm young, I'm horny, and I'm ready for my shot. But every time I get close, it doesn't happen.

DENISE: What happened to that other girl? The one that spits on you?

KG: The one that does what?!

TREVOR: She keeps ghosting me. Besides, when I threw out the idea months ago, she wasn't into it.

RODNEY: Trevor, trust me. Sex is overrated. It's three minutes and when you're done, it's like it didn't even happen.

TREVOR: You and Beth? You did it?!

RODNEY: Uh, yes, sir. Yes, we have.

KG: What was it like?

RODNEY: It was cool. We've done it a few times, but I still don't see what the big deal is.

TREVOR: Oh, I get it. She has no game, right?

RODNEY: I'm not giving you details.

TREVOR: Rodney, I want to live out sex through someone else. Tell me what you can.

RODNEY: You need a therapist, man.

Rodney walks away.

TREVOR: Guys, I don't want to be a virgin anymore. If this keeps up, I'm going to have to get a doll to do it with.

DENISE: Trevor, do you think that maybe if you put this energy into doing your homework, you would be better off?

TREVOR: Why are you interviewing me about homework? I want sex!

SCENE 2

The Hernandez Household

Interior Bathroom

Seattle, Washington

The next morning, Jaylynn blow dries her hair in the bathroom mirror, but she stops as she looks at the leak in her roof, right above the bathtub. It continues to drip.

JAYLYNN: Okay, this is really starting to piss me off. What am I gonna do?

Jaylynn looks at her phone and raises her eyebrow. She dials something and then puts the phone on speaker.

RK (V.O.): Hello?

JAYLYNN: Yeah, it's me. Listen, I need a favor.

RK (V.O.): Who is this? How did you get my number?

JAYLYNN: RK, quit playing around, you know who it is.

RK (V.O.): That's it, I'm calling the cops.

JAYLYNN: Bro, it's me, Jaylynn!

RK is heard laughing through the phone.

RK (V.O.): Why did you fall for that? You know I have caller ID, right?

JAYLYNN: Yeah, see, I'm going to be late for school because this leak is throwing me off, so if your bathroom is available-

RK (V.O.): Sure, sure, come on over.

JAYLYNN: Thank you.

RK (V.O.): Wait. I need you to do something for me.

JAYLYNN: What?

RK (V.O.): I want you to say it.

JAYLYNN: RK, I've said that a thousand times. I'm not saying it again.

RK (V.O.): You still want my facilities, right?

Jaylynn groans.

*imitating Flip Wilson's Geraldine character* JAYLYNN: The devil made me do it, honey!

RK laughs again.

RK (V.O.): You're funny, Jay. Alright, come over, I'll take care of you.

Jaylynn hangs up.

JAYLYNN: I knew I should've called Anja first.

SCENE 3

George Meyer High School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

KG, Rodney, and Denise are at the table.

KG: Guys, I think it's time we get Trevor a girlfriend.

RODNEY: Couldn't we just get him a prostitute and call it a day?

DENISE: Rodney, that's horrible.

RODNEY: I'm serious. Trevor always said that if you got it like that, why not pay for it? We'll be doing him a favor.

KG: That's not going to help. He needs someone to be with. A real relationship.

RODNEY: But what happens if that girl doesn't want to sleep with him? We should get our priorities straight so he doesn't complain for the rest of the year.

Trevor walks to the table.

TREVOR: Who's complaining for the year?

DENISE: Trevor, how would you feel about having a girlfriend?

TREVOR: I'm getting tired of you asking me questions. KG, check your girl for a wire.

DENISE: I'm not wearing a wire! We just think you're lonely and you could use a nice girl to hang out with.

TREVOR: I don't think that's what it is. I'm just ready to get it in.

RODNEY: Told ya.

KG: Look, Trevor, you can go around looking for sex, but it's meaningless if you don't care about the girl. At least if you're into her, it'll make it better when you're ready to do it.

TREVOR: So, you want me to have sex with a girl's emotions. I got it.

DENISE: You're almost there, but no.

KG: How about this? We'll go looking around for some girls we think are compatible, and if you want, you can take them out on some dates.

TREVOR: So, if I date these girls, I'm definitely getting laid?

KG: Nobody said that.

TREVOR: Well, tell the girls that's a deal breaker. You gotta separate the champagne from the...ginger ale that they sell at the corner store for 75 cents.

SCENE 4

Craig Bartlett Junior High School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

Around the same time, Sparky, Buster, RK, and Jaylynn are also at lunch.

JAYLYNN: So, now, I have to get the leak fixed, which means my bathroom is off-limits. There's a lot of water damage up there.

BUSTER: How can water destroy a roof? It's water, it comes right off.

JAYLYNN: Because after many, many years of not doing any repairs, the material gets softer and crustier.

BUSTER: Oh, so it's like the paint chips here.

JAYLYNN: Exactly. Except in this case, someone's actually going to fix it.

BUSTER: So, how long will it take to fix it?

JAYLYNN: About two weeks. I don't know who to live with now.

Beat.

JAYLYNN (CONT.): Because, you know, I'll be without my bathroom so I have to move in with someone. I really have to think about who I want to stay with.

Beat.

RK: Do I...do I tell you that I don't want you at my house?

JAYLYNN: You're a dick.

RK: It's not me, it's KG. I know he's going to make it weird, tell you some lame jokes, probably going to give you some weed. And then it will throw off our dynamic.

JAYLYNN: But we hate each other.

RK: Exactly, which is why we need to keep things the way they are.

SPARKY: I would invite you, but I don't want you and Bitch Clock going at it.

JAYLYNN: Makes sense. I would leave after a day.

BUSTER: You could stay with me.

JAYLYNN: I would love to, but I don't trust your cat after last time.

BUSTER: Look, LPC didn't mean to attack you. It was a joke, he was razzing you!

JAYLYNN: Then he can razz someone else, I'm not going to jail for animal cruelty.

RK: You know what? F*** KG, you can stay.

JAYLYNN: You're serious?

RK: Of course. It's only two weeks. Besides, you might end up moving in with Wade and I don't think Adriana will like that.

JAYLYNN: I mean, we're cool now, but yeah. I don't need to play in that sandbox.

SCENE 5

The Fletcher Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

KG and Denise are on the couch together.

DENISE: So, I think I found someone for Trevor.

KG: On a scale of one to ten, how horny is she?

DENISE: Um...I don't know, a six?

KG: That's not good enough. We need to aim for eight or better.

DENISE: Nobody is like that. At least nobody that I know.

KG: What do you know about this girl?

DENISE: She's in my science class, she likes weed, and she has the same brain as Trevor.

KG: What do you mean?

DENISE: She told me Tito Jackson was decreased. I asked her if she meant he was deceased, and we argued about it for twenty minutes.

KG: Damn, that's classic Trevor. She's better than the one I found.

DENISE: What's wrong with her?

KG: Nothing, except she doesn't smoke and her brain isn't smooth. Trevor needs someone on his level.

DENISE: Well, how about this? He can go out with both girls and decide who's better.

KG: Alright. But it's not going to end here. I'm going to keep looking for other girls. I know how picky that boy is.

DENISE: It will be okay as long as he gets what he wants.

Beat.

KG: So, you wanna mess around?

DENISE: I don't know. Do you think you earned it?

KG: The question is, do you think you earned it?

KG starts to tickle Denise and she laughs, then they make out until they abruptly stop. They both look up and the camera pulls back to reveal an uncomfortable Rodney standing near them.

RODNEY: I'm guessing I was late for the whole matchmaker thing?

KG: You're damn right. Now, get out, it's nasty hour.

SCENE 6

Space Needle Diner

Interior Booth

Seattle, Washington

Jaylynn, Anja, and Lynne are eating cookie butter donuts.

JAYLYNN: I'm telling you, this is one of the greatest things God ever created. This donut.

LYNNE: Is there a way for me to get buried in these donuts when I die?

ANJA: Probably, but you know they're going to get moldy, right?

LYNNE: So am I. I'll eat them in the afterlife.

ANJA: Yeah, please stop listening to Melissa's ideas.

JAYLYNN: I would take these donuts to RK's place, but I know he's going to eat them. Well, either him or his dumbass cat like last time. Why do all my friends have shitty pets?

ANJA: Why would you need to go to RK's house?

JAYLYNN: Because he's my friend, Anj. Doy.

Beat.

ANJA: Look at my face. Do I like it when you're cute?

JAYLYNN: Not really.

ANJA: Then stop being cute. Tell me the real reason.

JAYLYNN: I have a leaky roof in the bathroom, so I have to get it fixed and RK's letting me stay with him.

LYNNE: Wait, you needed a roommate? You should have called me, I would love to have you over.

JAYLYNN: Really?

LYNNE: Yeah. What's weird about that?

JAYLYNN: I mean, uh...that's a big step.

LYNNE: I don't think so. We've been friends for months now.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, but you see, that's a commitment. And I don't think we're in that place.

LYNNE: I'm in that place, Jaylynn, I've always been in that place.

JAYLYNN: But RK...he agreed. I just want to be ready to be your roommate. It's not you, it's me.

LYNNE: Okay. Cool.

Beat.

ANJA: So, what are you guys' holiday plans?

LYNNE: Just to be clear, you like me, right?

JAYLYNN: Of course, I do.

LYNNE: I like you, too. I just want you to really like me.

JAYLYNN: You know I really like you.

LYNNE: Wouldn't kill you to say it once in a while, you know?

ANJA: Mommy, Daddy, please stop fighting.

Jaylynn and Lynne give Anja strange looks.

ANJA (CONT.): Oh, Jaylynn, you're the dad and Lynne, you're the mom. Just pointing that out.

SCENE 7

George Meyer High School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

The guys are at the lockers.

TREVOR: So, just to be clear, neither of these girls are kinky?

KG: If they are, they didn't tell us. The point is, we're keeping you in the game.

DENISE: And maybe you'll find someone that you really care about. You know, what's in their heart, not what's under their shirt.

TREVOR: I don't know, guys. I know what I'm looking for. This mind sex sounds cool, but it's not the real thing.

DENISE: Literally nobody's talking about mind sex.

TREVOR: You don't have to pretend, Denise, I get it. Hey Rodney, I have a question.

RODNEY: Am I going to hate this question?

TREVOR: I don't think so. When you and Beth get your freak on, how much PB&J do you eat?

Beat.

RODNEY: Good luck on your dates.

Rodney walks away from the guys. Trevor follows him.

TREVOR: Come on, at least answer my question!

KG: You know, maybe there's a reason Trevor's never had a girlfriend.

DENISE: There are many reasons. But maybe we're wrong and he'll surprise us.

SCENE 8

("Touch" by Nick Jonas plays in the background)

A montage is shown of Trevor's dates with the girls KG and Denise set up for him. At one point, Trevor is on a date and starts describing something that's visually graphic, but KG is seen at a nearby table holding up a sign that reads "Don't Talk About It." Trevor is smoking with another girl in front of a restaurant, but he gets upset when she tries to take some of his weed and is shown ranting and raving.

Other dates feature Trevor eating Cheetos loudly at the movies, trying to fight off a potential robber at the park and getting knocked out simultaneously with his date, attempting to be seductive by eating a chocolate-covered strawberry and choking, and competing with his date in a bike race.

The same robber from before reappears, but Trevor immediately gets off the bike and runs away. This leads to the robber taking Trevor's bike, and chasing down Trevor's date while she pedals away from him.

SCENE 9

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

RK and Jaylynn are on the couch together watching TV.

RK: So, you're going to have to stay here longer?

JAYLYNN: Unfortunately. Those idiots could have told me my roof needed more repairs. Now, I have to spend more money on a job they're probably not even doing. Probably using my neighbors' Wi-Fi and leaving soda cans up there.

RK: I know. Whatever happened to craftsmanship? The American way?

JAYLYNN: I'm pretty sure it never existed. That's just what they tell you so you stand for the pledge of allegiance.

Wade walks in.

WADE: Oh, hey Jaylynn. I thought you were hanging out with Lynne tonight.

JAYLYNN: She said she was busy. It's weird because I asked her what she was busy with, she said "Shut up, Marisol" and hung up.

WADE: Marisol?

JAYLYNN: It's a Degrassi thing, I know it is. But if you and RK had something planned, don't let me stand in the way.

RK: Yeah, Wade. Cop a squat, watch some Corky with us.

WADE: I guess it wouldn't hurt to hang out as a triumvirate. Are there any Doritos?

RK: Stocked up in the pantry.

WADE: Yes! This is what Saturday nights are supposed to be!

Wade runs into the kitchen. KG comes downstairs.

KG: Alright, you little buggers, don't wait up for me. I'll be with the fellas smoking, getting loose, having general merriment that guys like me have.

RK: Okay.

JAYLYNN: Uh huh.

Beat.

KG: What's your deal, Jaylynn?

JAYLYNN: What?

KG: No, don't give me that look, you know what you're doing. See, when RK made the call to have you here, I didn't say no. I was cool about it. I might have my own stuff going on right now, but I was happy that you were a guest in our home. But you reject my hospitality, so I ask you...what's your deal?

Beat.

JAYLYNN: Dude, are you okay? You need some water or something?

KG: No, I don't need any damn water!

RK walks up to KG.

RK: KG, easy, easy. What's wrong? You're going to get your clothes all musty with the energy you're exerting.

KG: It's just that we used to be cool, man. Now, every time I see her, she has that weird puss on.

RK: You know how it is. When you were cool with her, she was in the fourth grade. Happy-go-lucky, a rascal. Now, she's in the sixth grade, and she's moody. It happens.

KG: Please, I was never that moody when I was her age.

RK: You once yelled at me that we ran out of Junior Mints...and you don't even eat them.

KG: I was playing an angry father in the school play. It was method.

RK: You lost that role.

KG: Whatever. I have to go smoke the night away. If you-

KG looks to the side and sees Wade eating from a party size bag of Doritos.

WADE: I'm sorry, were these yours?

KG: My house is a hotel for sixth graders now. Why?!

KG throws up his hands and leaves the house.

JAYLYNN: Is KG depressed or something?

RK: You know how it is when you're in tenth grade, you get moody. It happens.

WADE: I'm definitely not looking forward to my body being ravaged by puberty.

SCENE 10

Wendy's

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

KG, Rodney, and Trevor leave Wendy's and burp repeatedly. All three of them are under the influence of marijuana, stoned beyond belief.

KG: Dude, that was a meal, man. That meal was stupid.

RODNEY: Word to, homie, that food was slamming. Dumb crazy.

TREVOR: Nah, nah, bust this. That food? It was crazy, dope, def, fly, dope dumb doogie!

The guys scream and high-five each other, then repeat the sequence.

TREVOR (CONT.): Why can't it be that easy to touch a girl? Guys, I want to get violated.

KG: Pause.

RODNEY: Yeah, left swipe that, doggie.

TREVOR: Bro, no one says that anymore. What year did you come from, 2015?

RODNEY: What year did I come from? What year did you come from, white boy?

TREVOR: I came from a year where they cared about pussy, son! You need to let these women know that you won't...give...up because you're a stallion when you ride them! You gotta get the wind behind your back, partner! Take whatever they're giving you and go out in a blaze if you have to! Otherwise, you might as well be dead inside.

RODNEY: What are you saying, kid? I'm dead inside?

TREVOR: I didn't say that, young whippersnapper. I'll tell your mama you're dead inside.

RODNEY: Don't you ever call me a whippersnapper!

Rodney grabs Trevor and the two wrestle awkwardly on the ground while grumbling incomprehensibly. KG picks them both up.

KG: Guys, guys, you're blowing my high. We have this amazing night, we had amazing food, we can't be stopped, and you're trying to stop it.

Beat.

TREVOR: I didn't want to stop it, man.

RODNEY: Me neither. But you called me bad names.

TREVOR: You make fun of my self-esteem!

Trevor starts crying.

TREVOR (CONT.): How come you don't want me, man?

Rodney hugs him.

RODNEY: I want you. I want everything about you.

TREVOR: You like me, and you want me?

RODNEY: Pause, B.

KG: Ah, bring it in!

KG joins the hug, and some girls look bewildered as they walk out with their food and see the situation unfold.

SCENE 11

The Adonis Lounge

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

The guys walk past a strip club and see a sign posted that says "Bachelorette Party Tonight."

TREVOR: Guys, what are my eyes seeing right now?

RODNEY: What's wrong, Trev?

TREVOR: Look. Here at this club. A bachelorette party.

KG: Who cares about guys getting lap dances? I don't wanna see that.

TREVOR: You care about the girls in there, bro. The strippers. There are probably girl-on-girl strippers and all that.

RODNEY: At a bachelorette party?

TREVOR: Yeah. You know, in some areas, they call it a rachelorette party. Because girls get naughty and ratchet.

KG: What, you wanna go inside? We're underage, mister. If we get caught, we'll be in big trouble.

TREVOR: Ah, you're scared? Your widdle brother's gonna beat you?

KG: No, Denise, man. She's got paws on her, you don't know.

RODNEY: Yeah, and Beth...sh-she'll be apolectic, you know?

TREVOR: Whatever, man. I'm ready to die for some pussy. Let's crash the rachelorette, sing it with me! Crash the rachelorette! Crash the rachelorette!

KG/RODNEY/TREVOR: Crash the rachelorette! Crash the rachelorette!

SCENE 12

The Adonis Lounge

Seattle, Washington

("Hella Good" by No Doubt plays over the club's loudspeakers)

As expected, the Adonis Lounge is filled with male strippers and predominantly female customers, though there are a couple guys in attendance for the entertainment. KG and Rodney look bewildered.

RODNEY: Hugh Hefner died for this shit, huh?

KG: I know. Just a bunch of wankers showing their wankers.

TREVOR: Guys, don't focus on anything floppy. Focus on me, the rachelorette party.

KG: Hey, how did we get in? There's no security?

RODNEY: The security probably got shot or something.

KG: Cool. Okay, let's go introduce Trev to these ladies.

Cut to a bunch of girls popping balloons off a naked man with a toothpick. As each balloon is popped, the girls cheer louder.

GIRL: Okay, a couple more balloons, and you are so touching my cooter.

MALE STRIPPER: Well, get ready to say happy birthday.

KG: Happy birthday!

The girls and the male stripper all turn their attention to the boys.

KG (CONT.): We're the entertainment. We don't strip down, but we're cool with Magic Mike and them.

RODNEY: Dude, shut up. I don't want them dressing us up in weird outfits.

KG: That's not going to happen. We're with Magic Mike and them.

Trevor turns his attention to one of the ladies on her phone, sitting away from the party crowd. He walks over to her.

TREVOR: I know what you're thinking. Stranger Things, I get it all the time.

BRENDA: Excuse me?

TREVOR: Nah, nah, see, that kid from Stranger Things that died? I was his stunt double. Some people see me in the street and they're like, "Eddie!" and I have to tell them I'm not Eddie. Eddie's dead. Forever.

Beat. Brenda starts laughing.

BRENDA: I'm guessing you're part of the entertainment.

TREVOR: Not really. I just came here to entertain you.

BRENDA: That's cute. You look a little young to be here. How old are you?

TREVOR (V.O.): Don't tell her you're 16.

Beat.

TREVOR (CONT.): Oh yeah, you asked me a question. I'm 20. 20 and a couple inches.

BRENDA: Cool. I'm 23, and my name is Brenda.

TREVOR: I'm 20, and my name is Trevor.

Trevor and Brenda shake hands.

TREVOR (CONT.): I would love to see what else that hand does.

Brenda starts laughing again and playfully pushes Trevor.

TREVOR (V.O.) (CONT.): I'm making a hot girl laugh. I'm God!

SCENE 13

The Adonis Lounge

Seattle, Washington

("Chunky" by Bruno Mars plays over the club's loudspeakers)

Trevor and Brenda continue talking as KG and Rodney watch them.

RODNEY: Hey. I have a question.

KG: What?

RODNEY: Why are we here?

KG: We're here to support Trevor so he can bag one of these broads.

RODNEY: Oh. I think one of those guys wants to buy me a drink.

KG: You're not cheap, though.

RODNEY: I know. At least buy me some snacks on the side, broke boy.

Cut to Trevor and Brenda.

BRENDA: So, you're saying that if we all died tomorrow, you would be okay with that?

TREVOR: Of course. See, we're all here to do work, to do the things we do. But if I died, knowing that I could tell you how cool I am with dying, that would make my year.

BRENDA: I wouldn't mind seeing you at the wedding tomorrow.

TREVOR: I know, but I don't go to weddings with strangers. It's dangerous.

BRENDA: I get it. Why don't we trade numbers and we can talk more about dying?

TREVOR: Sure.

Trevor pulls out his phone alongside Brenda. KG and Rodney are stunned.

KG: Rodney, he's getting the number. He's gettin' it.

RODNEY: Wow, I wouldn't know since I'm looking right at them.

Cut back to Trevor and Brenda.

TREVOR: Awesome. I'll text you tonight.

BRENDA: Okay. You have to leave?

TREVOR: I do. But before I go, you want to know something?

BRENDA: What?

Trevor leans in and kisses Brenda.

TREVOR: I like parties.

Trevor giggles, taps Brenda on her leg, and runs out of the strip club. KG and Rodney chase after him as Brenda fans herself.

SCENE 14

The Adonis Lounge

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

Trevor falls on the ground and the boys pick him up.

TREVOR: Guys, that was amazing. I met someone crazy, she's got it going on.

KG: We saw. The question now is, are you going to tap it?

TREVOR: I don't know. I gotta build up some trust in her, and then when the time comes, I'll let loose.

RODNEY: Ewww. Don't make a mess, man, you gotta clean up afterwards.

TREVOR: I have a vacuum.

RODNEY: Dope.

Trevor and Rodney high-five.

SCENE 15

George Meyer High School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

KG and the guys are talking near the lockers.

TREVOR: So, we were talking all weekend. Brenda's more than a woman, she's like...a woman that you could have conversations with. Speak to about life.

RODNEY: So, just a regular person?

TREVOR: No, a woman. She challenges me.

DENISE: Everybody in the world challenges you. What's the difference?

TREVOR: The difference is that Brenda...is a...

KG: Woman. She's a woman that does womanly things. We know. We also know your real age. Does she?

TREVOR: Nah, she thinks I'm 20. I have a story, and I'm standing by that story.

DENISE: You never told her you're in high school?!

TREVOR: Why would I blow my chances like that? I have her number, Denise. Do you?

DENISE: No.

TREVOR: Exactly, because I don't blow my chances.

RODNEY: You know, at some point, you have to tell her, right?

TREVOR: I don't think I have to, you know? If she finds out I lied, she'll never talk to me again. Plus, I'll never get the drawers.

DENISE: That's entrapment. What, you're going to wait to have sex with her and then tell her that she slept with a tenth grader?

TREVOR: It doesn't have to be like that. When the time is right to tell her, I'll tell her.

KG: When?

TREVOR: When I feel like it. I swear, you guys are dumber than I am today.

RODNEY: Wanna bet?

SCENE 16

Bang Bang Chicken

Interior Booth

Seattle, Washington

("Better" by Khalid plays over the restaurant's loudspeakers)

Trevor and Brenda converse over a meal of chicken tenders and curly fries.

BRENDA: You know, I haven't had chicken tenders since middle school?

TREVOR: Really? You're depriving yourself, tendies are the greatest snack in the world. Ask Dirty Dom.

BRENDA: You mean, that hobo that asks little kids to wash his stomach?

TREVOR: No, that's Dirty Tom. Dirty Dom like Dominik Mysterio. You know, from WWE?

BRENDA: Oh, a wrestler. See, I don't watch wrestling. I had a brother that loved it.

TREVOR: What happened to him?

BRENDA: He moved to Vegas and became a stripper. I guess him and Dirty Tom have something in common.

TREVOR: Maybe he could move back to Seattle and start working at the lounge. That would be crazy, right?

BRENDA: I don't want to think about girls popping balloons off my brother's ass. I have enough nightmares.

Trevor laughs.

TREVOR: You know, that's why I like you, Brenda. You're so real. A lot of girls play characters, but you? You are a character.

BRENDA: Thanks. I think it's you. You just let me have fun. I need that in my life.

TREVOR: Why? What's going on?

BRENDA: Nothing, it's just that I'm getting over this guy Glenn. I knew him since high school, I wanted to have kids with him. But that's over.

TREVOR: Well, thanks for telling me. Do I need to kick his ass?

BRENDA: No, trust me. You don't need to worry about him.

TREVOR: Okay. Because you don't need an asshole in your life. You need someone nice, you need someone funny, you need...

Beat.

TREVOR (CONT.): You need someone that's honest.

BRENDA: What do you mean?

TREVOR: Look, Brenda, I lied to you. I really wasn't a stunt double on Stranger Things. I was fraudulent.

BRENDA: Oh, really?

TREVOR: Yeah. I'm ashamed. Also, I'm not 20, I'm 16, so double shame.

BRENDA: Wait, you're 16?!

TREVOR: Yeah. I didn't want to tell you the truth and then you would kick me in the jim jams or mace me. Whatever girls your age do when they hate guys.

BRENDA: Well, I guess...thank you for telling me?

TREVOR: You're welcome. Look, I know I'm too young and I don't want you to end up on a list, so I'll go home.

Trevor gets out of the booth and begins to walk away.

BRENDA: Wait, Trevor, stop! I don't want you to leave.

TREVOR: Huh? But what about my age? And the lie about Stranger Things?

BRENDA: I don't care that you weren't on Stranger Things. I don't even know if that show's still on. And yeah, you're in high school, but you're a great guy. I want to keep seeing you.

TREVOR: Are you sure? Because if you do, you're going to have to go around the neighborhood and tell people you're a pervert.

BRENDA: The age of consent is 16 in this state. If we were in New York and you were 18, nobody would give a shit.

TREVOR: You know what? You're right.

BRENDA: Besides, I still feel like a kid. That's all it is, right? Just two kids who like each other?

Brenda rubs Trevor's shoulder and he shudders.

TREVOR: Yeah, I love being a nasty kid.

BRENDA: You're silly. Sit back down, I wanna hear more about this Dirty Dom.

TREVOR: Okay, sure. So, he's Rey Mysterio's son, right? But it turns out Rey Mysterio is a deadbeat that never took care of him. He even went to prison.

BRENDA: Wait, Rey Mysterio went to prison or Dirty Dom?

TREVOR: Dirty Dom. He stabbed someone on Christmas, got the blood oozing all over the place. Then he licked the knife. That's why they call him Dirty Dom.

SCENE 17

George Meyer High School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

The next day, the kids are eating lunch.

KG: So, Trevor, did you spill the beans to Brenda?

TREVOR: I sure did.

Trevor snickers, then cackles in a way similar to Stevie Wonder on "Sir Duke."

DENISE: He didn't tell her.

RODNEY: You lying bastard.

TREVOR: I did tell her. And unlike you guys, Brenda's evolved. She's open-minded, she's an independent woman. In other words, she's a woman that doesn't depend on anybody.

DENISE: Thanks for the English lesson.

KG: Trevor, what the hell are you talking about?

TREVOR: I told Brenda about my age and she was cool with it. In fact, she respected me for telling her. I'm a hero to her now.

DENISE: You gotta be kidding me. She's okay with dating a 16-year-old?

TREVOR: Apparently. Besides, I'm not like other 16-year-olds.

RODNEY: We know that, but is this chick insane? She's going to go to jail for this!

KG: Well, technically, she won't. The age of consent is 16 here. Unless Brenda's a teacher, she's not doing anything illegal.

TREVOR: See? We're in the clear. Brenda and I get to continue our love story and nobody gets hurt.

DENISE: Trevor, you have to stop this. Even if it's legal, it's still gross. What does she want from you anyway?

TREVOR: Me. She wants me. Is it so hard for you guys to understand that older women love younger men?

RODNEY: We just think she might be taking you for a ride, man. You don't want to get taken advantage of by some pedophile.

KG: Technically, Brenda's an ephebophile, not a pedophile. If she was a pedophile, she would be into boys my brother's age. Trevor would have to be under 15 for it to be pedophilia.

Beat.

KG (CONT.): What? I don't like this any more than you guys, but we need to get the facts right.

TREVOR: You know what? All three of you are pissing me off. I finally found a girl I really like. Someone that's real, someone that doesn't just attack me with her saliva, and you guys can't even be supportive.

DENISE: We want you to be happy, we just don't want you to get hurt.

TREVOR: I see what's going on. You're just jealous.

KG: Of what?!

TREVOR: Of Brenda. Whenever guys start dating someone, everyone wants to be with them. They call it the scent. Now, I have the scent, and all of you guys wanna bone me. It's science.

RODNEY: You think because we're concerned, we all want to sleep with you?!

TREVOR: Yes. I literally just said that. Guys, stop thinking down there and start thinking up here!

DENISE: Trevor, I'm going to strangle you.

TREVOR: No, you're not. You're never going to touch me. Only Brenda gets the right. Get out of the gutter, you tramps.

Trevor points to all three of the guys and leaves the table.

KG: I miss when he was sexually frustrated.

RODNEY: That's a weird thing to say.

KG: It's the right thing to say.

DENISE: Guys, we need to do something. If Trevor keeps seeing Brenda, who knows what she might do to him?

RODNEY: That's exactly what he wants. We can't stop him from seeing her because then, he'll just get closer to her.

DENISE: So, what? We're just going to sit here and let it happen?

RODNEY: Yes. If we try and interfere, Trevor's just going to hate us.

DENISE: Well, I can't just pretend this is normal. Danielle always told me that when she was in high school, older guys would come in their cars, pick up her friends, and once they got what they wanted, her friends were scarred for life.

KG: Maybe Trevor will get bored with Brenda after a while. If they're not having sex, he won't want to be with her.

DENISE: Maybe. But this happens all the time. If the genders were flipped, we would all want Brenda in jail.

RODNEY: But if it happens all the time, and guys always do it, why aren't they in jail?

DENISE: Because America sucks, Rodney. What else is there to say?

SCENE 18

David Zuckerman Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

Lynne and her friends are at lunch.

MELISSA: Hey guys, I've been thinking. I want you to start calling me Missy.

ALIYA: Why?

MELISSA: It's a cute nickname, and all you guys do is call me Mel. I wasted so much time being called that.

FARRAZHAN: Sorry Missy. We'll do better.

MELISSA: Don't call me that until I'm ready for you to call me that!

Beat.

FARRAZHAN: Lower your voice before we get kicked out of here again.

ALIYA: Lynne, is everything okay? You're not eating.

LYNNE: It's Jaylynn. For some reason, she didn't want to stay with me while her house is being repaired. I don't get it.

MELISSA: Jaylynn's a geek. Always has been.

LYNNE: How?

MELISSA: What?

LYNNE: How is she a geek? What makes her geeky? Tell me.

MELISSA: I dunno. She's just dayroom, a dweeb. Who would want to live with someone like that? Or talk to them?

FARRAZHAN: Yeah. Who would?

ALIYA: Why don't you talk to Jaylynn about it?

LYNNE: I tried and she kept dodging me. I don't know if she's committed to this like I am.

FARRAZHAN: What do you mean?

LYNNE: I mean, maybe I was in over my head when we started being friends. I just have a lot to offer, you know? And Jaylynn, she just...she just disregarded my feelings. I just want her to respect me as a friend.

MELISSA: You poor baby. Here's what you do. You go to Jaylynn, you punch her in the face, and you threaten her. You say "Hey! Move in with me or I'm coming back here tomorrow. And if you still don't want to move in, I'll come back every day to kick your ass until you say yes."

LYNNE: What if I kill her?

MELISSA: Then she dies. It's a win-win for everybody.

ALIYA: You're sick, Mel.

MELISSA: Alright, you can call me Missy now.

ALIYA: You're sick, Missy.

MELISSA: Yeah. That's way better.

SCENE 19

Zippy Mart

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

Denise walks to her car with bags from the grocery store and opens the trunk. She starts to put the bags in her car when she notices something from her side view. Across the street from the grocery store, Brenda is talking to a guy that is presumably her ex-boyfriend. Denise watches as Brenda and the guy hug, then share a passionate kiss. Denise is enraged.

DENISE: You piece of shit.

SCENE 20

George Meyer High School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

Denise takes books out of her locker as KG and Rodney stand near her.

KG: So, you're 100% sure it was Brenda?

DENISE: Yes, it was. It's the same girl I saw in Trevor's pictures. I just don't know who the guy was.

RODNEY: It was her ex-boyfriend, probably. Trevor told me they just broke up a while ago.

DENISE: Then that's what's going on. Brenda's just using Trevor to have fun until she gets back together with that guy.

KG: Wait, maybe there's another explanation.

DENISE: KG, there isn't. That girl's a creep and it's time Trevor knows that.

RODNEY: Maybe he doesn't need to know that. Trevor sleeps with Brenda, they stop talking, Brenda goes back to her ex and Trevor's not a virgin anymore. Everybody wins.

DENISE: Or maybe Trevor's falling for Brenda and we need to warn him before he gets his heart broken.

RODNEY: Nah, Trevor's a dog. He's been waiting for this for years. The minute they hook up, we won't even remember that girl exists.

Trevor twirls his way towards the guys, then goes to his locker.

TREVOR: How are you doing, guys? I know I look good today, but see with your eyes, not your hands.

RODNEY: We don't want to have sex with you!

TREVOR: Sure, Jan.

KG: So, what was with the ballet moves just now?

TREVOR: It's love, KG. Love for another human being.

KG: Oh boy.

DENISE: So, that's what's going on, huh? You and Brenda are hot and heavy?

Trevor begins to blush and giggles.

TREVOR: Denise, stop it. You're embarrassing me. Out of respect for my girlfriend, I'm not going to tarnish her name.

RODNEY: Did you sleep with her or not?

TREVOR: Nah, I haven't hit yet. But very, very soon, I will, and when I do, it's going to be magical.

KG: And then what? On to the next girl?

TREVOR: What? No way. Brenda's amazing. I might even marry her after I graduate high school.

RODNEY: Uh...what was that sentence?

DENISE: Trevor, listen to me. You can't marry Brenda, she's not the right girl for you.

TREVOR: I swear, I love how jealous you guys are. Tell you what. Since none of you have met Brenda, how about we all have dinner tonight? Then you'll get to see her the way I do.

RODNEY: I'm down, but where do we have it?

TREVOR: How about we do it at my place? I'll cook pasta primavera.

DENISE: You don't know how to cook. Let's order takeout and do it at my place.

TREVOR: That sounds amazing. I'll let Brenda know ASAP. Thanks guys, you won't regret it.

Trevor leaves the hallway.

KG: This is going to be one of the worst dinners of all-time.

DENISE: No, it won't. Because I'm exposing Brenda for being a creep. I just have to try and get her comfortable, then lure her into a confession.

RODNEY: How are you going to do it? Pretend to be a gal pal?

DENISE: Exactly. I'm going to gain her trust, make her confess a couple things. Then more confessions. By the time she's done talking, Trevor will want nothing to do with her.

KG: You should probably give her some wine so she'll be out of it. Matter of fact, let's all drink tonight.

DENISE: We're too young.

KG: Our friend is dating a 23-year-old bum and that's what you're worried about?!

SCENE 21

The Jennings Household

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

RK opens the door to reveal Lynne. They both have blank stares on their faces.

LYNNE: Um...hey.

RK: What's up?

Beat.

LYNNE: Have we ever talked before? One-on-one, nobody else around?

RK: I really don't think so. I mean, I talk to your sister sometimes.

LYNNE: Yeah. And you know, we're both friends with Jaylynn.

RK: Right, right. So, you still like Sparky, huh?

LYNNE: What? Who told you that?

RK: I mean, we all know. It's cute.

LYNNE: Has he said anything about me?

RK: Not that I know of.

LYNNE: You think he might want to talk to me if you mention me?

Beat.

RK: Jaylynn, please come down here.

Jaylynn walks downstairs.

JAYLYNN: Lynne, what are you doing here?

RK: Having a first. But I wasn't ready for this, so we'll pick this up some other time.

LYNNE: Sure, sure. Enjoy whatever TV show you're going to watch.

Beat.

RK: Am I a stereotype now? Yeah, I think I am.

RK hangs his head down in shame as he walks upstairs.

JAYLYNN: So, what brings you here?

LYNNE: I don't know. The weather. The fact that the year is almost over. You not wanting to live with me.

JAYLYNN: Ugh, again with this?

LYNNE: Yes, again. We're friends, Jaylynn. I stuck out my hand, and you slapped it away.

JAYLYNN: It's not like that.

LYNNE: Seems like it. I just wanted you to respect me. Okay? I-I wanted you to see me and see that I could hold you down for a couple weeks, I can.

Lynne starts tearing up.

JAYLYNN: Are you crying?

LYNNE: No, the weather just makes me emotional. Forget about it.

JAYLYNN: No, no, don't forget about it. Remember it.

LYNNE: What?

JAYLYNN: I don't know. But, Lynne, you have to understand something. I was scared.

LYNNE: Scared? Of what, me?

JAYLYNN: Of everything. It's like one day, we're trying to kill each other over money and the next day? Boom, we're friends. It all happened so fast and I felt like we needed to slow down.

LYNNE: Look, if you want to slow down, then fine. Let's take it slow. But this is where we're at. We introduced each other to our friends. They know what we're about.

JAYLYNN: I know. And living together is a big deal when you're friends.

LYNNE: You're not moving in, you're just staying over.

JAYLYNN: Of course, of course. But then people start asking when you're going to wear matching friendship bracelets, go on vacation together. Then they start thinking I'm replacing Anja with you.

LYNNE: No, never. We're the Three Musketeers.

JAYLYNN: It's what people think, Lynne. Enough people hate me.

LYNNE: Who hates you? Gilcania?

JAYLYNN: Not just her, them.

LYNNE: Them?

JAYLYNN: You know.

LYNNE: I don't know what's happening anymore.

JAYLYNN: Look, I'm sorry for being cold with you. I just didn't know what being your roommate looked like. It freaked me out.

LYNNE: I understand. Sometimes, I wonder how we even became friends. I mean, it's us.

JAYLYNN: It's us.

LYNNE: But then I stop wondering because we realized...we don't have a reason to hate each other anymore.

JAYLYNN: Yeah. Besides, could you imagine us hating each other for, like, ten years?

LYNNE: I know, who would want to see that?

JAYLYNN: Right?

Jaylynn and Lynne laugh, then hug.

LYNNE: You're staying here, aren't you?

JAYLYNN: I am. But we can try it in the future. When I'm in that place.

LYNNE: When you're in that place.

RK looks bewildered as he watches Jaylynn and Lynne's conversation from the staircase. He slowly walks backwards up the steps, trying to avoid being seen or heard.

SCENE 22

The Fletcher Household

Interior Dining Room

Seattle, Washington

That night, Denise and KG prepare the Chinese food in the dining room while Rodney can be seen in the background looking out the window in the living room.

KG: I really wish you got Tex Mex instead. Nobody eats Chinese anymore.

DENISE: I told you that the place was closed. Besides, the food's not important. This is about Trevor.

KG: You know what? I'll just order Taco Bell. You can donate my food to some starving African kids.

SCENE 23

The Fletcher Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Rodney continues to look through the window and sees Brenda's car pull up to the house.

RODNEY: Brianna Peck is here!

KG and Denise walk into the living room.

KG: We agreed to call her that?

RODNEY: Seems appropriate. You think Trevor's the first high school boy she's played like this?

DENISE: Okay, there's no wine, so when the time's right, we can just tell Trevor the truth.

KG: I really wanted to get through this dinner somehow. I left my weed at home.

DENISE: You'll be okay.

SCENE 24

The Fletcher Household

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

Trevor and Brenda walk up to the door.

BRENDA: I'm going to be honest, I'm a little nervous. What if your friends hate me?

TREVOR: Relax, they won't hate you. They're nice people. But I have to warn you that if they start looking at me and licking their lips, don't mind it. I just have the scent.

BRENDA: The scent? You mean, you smell like honey or something?

TREVOR: Probably. I don't want to get inside their minds.

SCENE 25

The Fletcher Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Trevor and Brenda walk in and get hugged by KG, Rodney, and Denise.

DENISE: How are you guys doing? You're the Brenda that Trevor's in love with.

BRENDA: In love?

TREVOR: She means that in a spiritual way. Very religious kind of thing.

Trevor gives Denise a death glare.

KG: Don't look at my girl like that, I'll kill you.

TREVOR: Make me.

KG: What?

TREVOR: I don't know. So, what are we eating tonight?

RODNEY: Chinese.

TREVOR: Ewww. Chinese food is so...old-school. What about some Five Guys or something?

DENISE: You guys can either eat what I ordered or get your own food. I really don't care.

KG: Trev, you want to get in on this Taco Bell?

TREVOR: Sure. Wait, I'm the guest, I should probably ask your girlfriend for permission. Denise, would it be okay if-

DENISE: What did I just say?

TREVOR: Yeah, I'm in.

SCENE 26

The Fletcher Household

Interior Dining Room

Seattle, Washington

Everyone's at the table eating their dinner of choice.

RODNEY: Wait, what's your punchline?

KG: Well, I put on my Groucho Marx and I say...*clears throat as he goes into a Groucho Marx impression*..."I'll tell you like this here. Last night, I shot Donald Trump in my pajamas. How Donald Trump got in my pajamas, I'll never know."

TREVOR: Why would Trump be wearing your pajamas?

KG: Dude, that's the joke. That's literally the entire joke, I swear...

DENISE: KG, KG. Pick your battles, it's not worth it.

KG: No. Nobody understands my material anymore, I'm sick.

DENISE: Anyway, Brenda, I wanted to ask you. What made you interested in Trevor?

BRENDA: What didn't make me interested? He's funny, he tells great stories, he's smart.

Rodney's face goes into weird contortions as he hears Brenda's last statement.

KG: Rodney, are you okay?

RODNEY: I, um...just had trouble swallowing my drink. I almost spit it out. I'm good now.

DENISE: I'm just curious because of the age difference. He's a high school sophomore, you're a college graduate. That doesn't bother you?

BRENDA: Not really. We're not doing anything against the law. And I've never met anyone like him before.

KG: I guess that's why you said "F*** all that" and got sloppy with your ex.

Beat.

TREVOR: What?!

BRENDA: You don't know what you're talking about.

DENISE: He knows what he's talking about. We all know. I caught you making out with your old boyfriend yesterday. Who knows? You're probably setting Trevor up to die and he doesn't even know it.

TREVOR: You're trying to kill me?!

RODNEY: You're damn right she is. It's okay, Trev, we're here for you.

TREVOR: Brenda, what are they talking about? You're kissing other guys, making plans to assassinate me?

BRENDA: I'm not trying to kill you! But...I did have a moment with Glenn yesterday.

DENISE: Moment, more like an experience.

BRENDA: Shut up.

DENISE: Don't tell me to shut up, this is my house and I fed you. You're just upset you got caught.

TREVOR: So, this whole time, I was thinking you were this amazing girl and you're still not over your ex?

BRENDA: We were working things out. It's complicated.

TREVOR: No. It's not. I bet you were never going to tell me, were you?

Beat.

TREVOR (CONT.): Were you?

BRENDA: I think maybe it's healthy if we forget this happened.

TREVOR: Healthy for who?! Why the f*** would I ever trust someone who would leave me holding my cock like this?!

BRENDA: I didn't want to hurt you.

TREVOR: You already did. Get out of Denise's house.

DENISE: You heard him. Be gone.

KG: Scoot.

RODNEY: If you don't get out of my friend's face in the next five seconds, I'm making a citizen's arrest.

Brenda sighs and gets up from her chair.

BRENDA: I'm sorry, Trevor. I hope one day, you'll understand.

Brenda tries to kiss Trevor on the cheek, but he backs away. She looks confused as she leaves the dining room and then the house, being stared at with daggers by KG, Denise, and Rodney.

SCENE 27

The Fletcher Household

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

KG, Denise, and Rodney stand by the bathroom door with concern.

KG: Trevor, please come out of the bathroom. We just want you to be okay.

TREVOR (V.O.): I'll never be okay. I want to die. I'm dying tonight, someone please make sure I'm dead.

DENISE: We're not doing that. Trevor, you're a great guy. You deserve way better than Brenda.

RODNEY: She's right. No matter what, you're always going to be in Glenn's shadow. The way I see it, Brenda did you a favor.

TREVOR (V.O.): I really liked her, man. I thought she was the one.

RODNEY: I know, but she didn't prove herself to you. And you know how crazy guys are over girls. One day, Glenn comes to your house, puts bullets in you, and when the police ask Brenda about it, she'll be like "Duh, I don't know. I ain't tell him to do none of that."

KG: He makes sense. And let's not forget, she has a college degree. You think she would be able to bring you around her friends without them clowning you? Asking you who your favorite character from Bluey is?

Beat.

TREVOR (V.O.): I didn't even get to see what it looked like.

DENISE: You will...get to see it? Just believe in yourself and you can do it.

TREVOR (V.O.): You really think I can get laid if I put my mind to it?

KG: You know it, buddy. You know it.

Trevor opens the door in a dramatic fashion and walks out of the bathroom.

TREVOR: I can do it. If your friends believe that you can lose your virginity, anything's possible.

RODNEY: That's the spirit!

TREVOR: Guys, I'm sorry for accusing you of being attracted to me. I just really liked being with someone. It was way better than not being with someone, you know?

DENISE: We understand. Just promise us that you'll stay away from any girls with a high school diploma. You know, until you get one.

KG: Especially those with boyfriends that won't take a hint.

TREVOR: You got it. I guess there's only one thing left to do.

KG: What's that?

TREVOR: Smoke my troubles away. Who's got the trees?

Beat.

KG: We could run to my place and get mine.

TREVOR: No, I don't want to put you out. Could we go to the smoke shop?

RODNEY: Any time, pal.

The guys go downstairs.

SCENE 28

The Fletcher Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

The guys walk out of the house. Trevor returns, disappears from the screen, then walks out of the dining room with the remaining takeout.

TREVOR: Gotta eat something.

Trevor leaves the house. Cut to black.

("Sideline Story" by J. Cole plays over the end credits)

POST-CREDITS GAG

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

KG and Jaylynn are on the couch.

KG: I just don't get why you have a problem with me.

JAYLYNN: Huh? I never had a problem with you.

KG: So, why do you treat me like I have a load in my pants whenever you see me? We used to be friends.

JAYLYNN: I don't know. I respect you because you're RK's brother, but you're so old. And I have my own friends.

KG: Well, I guess I'm still cool enough for you to steal my Flip Wilson impression, right?

JAYLYNN: What are you talking about?

*imitating Flip Wilson's Geraldine character* KG: It was the devil that made you steal my impression, honey.

JAYLYNN: Oh my God, that was you the whole time? I just heard RK do it and when I picked it up, he kept telling me to do it all the time.

KG: Yeah, because he heard it from me. I made him piss his pants with that impression and you get all the credit.

JAYLYNN: I'm sorry, bro. You know what? As a favor to you, I want you to give me some advice like you do with RK.

KG: Well, I've been known to be a great consigliere in times of crisis. What's the problem?

JAYLYNN: The girl Jasmine that I like? She and her girlfriend Piper have this Instagram picture of them eating sugar cookies together. And the caption reads "You're my sugar." I know she posted that to get my attention. Do I respond to it or just ignore it?

KG: Ignore it. Always ignore that shit, they want you to go crazy over what they do.

JAYLYNN: Always?

KG: Always. Now, Jaylynn, when I was in the sixth grade, some girls thought that I was a sexy guy.

JAYLYNN: I'm out.

Jaylynn gets up from the couch and walks upstairs.

KG: Where are you going? I had a story to tell.

JAYLYNN: RK told me to dip out if you tell stories about how great you are, or how horny you used to be. Thanks for the advice, though.

Jaylynn continues to walk upstairs. KG has a smile on his face and adjusts his collar.

KG: That's how you handle kids. Bada bing, bada boom. You treat 'em like dogs, they'll respect you for it.

KG trips and falls on the floor.

KG (O.S.) (CONT.): I'm still taking the W here.

Cut to black.

©2024 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS