Thank You, Heavenly
Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day
SEASON 10
EPISODE 14
Air Date: December 8, 2024
"U Remind Me"
Special Guest Stars: Shane Johnson as Officer Shanahan, Sung Kang as Officer Park
#TYH1014
SCENE 1
The Westboro Complex
Exterior Entrance
Seattle, Washington
One afternoon, Buster pours a bottle of Mountain Dew on the curb. He looks depressed. Diana walks up to him.
DIANA: You're thinking about Liam again?
BUSTER: I just can't shake it. He was so young, he had so much to give. Now, this is $2.50 I'll never get back.
DIANA: Well, just because he's dead, doesn't mean he stops living.
BUSTER: Huh? I thought the whole point of dying was so that you didn't have to live anymore.
DIANA: I mean that nobody will forget him. His songs, his interviews, his concerts. Millions of people are going to remember him.
BUSTER: Yeah, I guess. I just wish I could talk to you about it. But I can't.
DIANA: I'm here now, aren't I?
BUSTER: That doesn't count. You're dead. For all I know, you just pulled some voodoo on me and I'm going to end up in a freezing cave in two minutes.
DIANA: What do you think I am, a witch?
BUSTER: You could be. Who knows what you learned in the afterlife?
Beat.
BUSTER (CONT.): I miss you, Diana.
DIANA: I know. But you shouldn't. I deserved what happened to me.
BUSTER: I just think things could have been different. Maybe if you hadn't met Savanah, you-
DIANA: Buster, listen. I made my choice and I paid for it. You did what you had to do. It's okay.
BUSTER: No. It will never be okay.
SCENE 2
The Newman Condominium
Interior Bedroom
Seattle, Washington
Cut to Buster waking up in the middle of the night. He looks around the room, sighs, and gets out of bed. He then opens his drawer and takes out a picture of him and Diana eating beef patties at a restaurant. A tear comes down his eye.
SCENE 3
The Jennings Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
The next morning, Buster walks in.
BUSTER: RK, are you here?
RK comes out of the kitchen with a bowl of cereal.
RK: Yeah, it's my house. Unless my name's not on the lease. Is my name not on the lease? Oh my God, I have to ask KG, I could go to jail for this!
BUSTER: Ask him later. I wanted to talk to you about something.
RK: What is it?
BUSTER: Do you ever...I don't know...think about Diana?
RK: Why? That bitch tried to kill us.
BUSTER: I know, but before I went out with her, you did. And she really liked you.
RK: Yeah, she did. I used to like Ashley. You used to like Ashley, too. You see where I'm going?
BUSTER: Jaylynn likes Ashley and doesn't know it?
RK: What? No! I mean, everything passes. Diana was cool when we were together, but I'll never forgive her for what she did.
BUSTER: I wish I was like you. I keep having dreams about her and I don't know what to do.
RK: What kind of dreams?
BUSTER: The other night, we were holding hands on the beach. Then we sat down, I reached for a bottle of that Jamaican pineapple soda, and she told me to get my own.
RK: Ah, the good stuff. I think I might know what your problem is.
BUSTER: I have Stockholm syndrome?
RK: Probably, but I just think you're lonely. You loved Diana and you never really dated anyone after her.
BUSTER: That's not true. I went out with girls after her.
RK: Yeah, Ashley and Sanna were what? A cup of coffee? I also think you went out with Trina, right?
BUSTER: No, I never did. We were just friends. She was fine, though.
RK: Okay. What you need to do is find another Diana. Put yourself out there, be with a girl that you get. Someone that gets you. And if you both get each other, you'll be getting a lot of good days in the future, you get me?
BUSTER: Got it. I just have to start dating again. Look out, girls, Buster Newman is back on the market.
RK: Why did that make you sound like a 40-year-old man?
BUSTER: I don't know. We all sound like that.
RK: We do.
SCENE 4
Lucky Star Deli & Grocery
Exterior Entrance
Seattle, Washington
Sparky and Jaylynn walk with each other after school and laugh.
SPARKY AND JAYLYNN: Ariana Grande.
JAYLYNN (CONT.): The best.
Jaylynn looks confused as multiple signs are posted at the entrance of the corner store, courtesy of the Seattle Police Department.
JAYLYNN (CONT.): What the hell is going on?!
SPARKY: What is going on? Seriously, I'm lost.
JAYLYNN: Look at this. "Unlicensed sale of cannabis." "Condemned until further notice." "Hazardous to children and their future children." They shut down the corner store!
SPARKY: Oh yeah, Halley told me about this. A lot of corner stores that turned into smoke shops were selling weed illegally, so they're getting closed.
JAYLYNN: That's bullshit. Lucky Star Deli is like our home. A member of our family. Where else can we buy candy and cookies and...newspapers that shit on politicians?
SPARKY: I'm pretty sure there are other corner stores we can go to.
JAYLYNN: Great. We have to travel an extra ten minutes for a drink. Sparky, it's called "corner store." This is our corner.
SPARKY: You mean, the corner near our old elementary school? Ignoring the fact that there's a corner store near the school we go to now?
Beat.
JAYLYNN: I don't like 'em, they have nasty-ass croissants and shit.
SCENE 5
Ike's Ice Cream Emporium
Interior Booth
Seattle, Washington
The guys are all eating ice cream together.
JAYLYNN: So, I think if we band together, we can get the cops to reconsider and reopen the corner store.
WADE: I don't think there's much we can do in this case. If they're selling weed without a license, there's a good chance they're never reopening.
JAYLYNN: Wade, that's quitter talk. I thought you were a revolutionary. I thought you were about empowerment.
WADE: What does black empowerment have to do with corner store owners being incompetent?
JAYLYNN: Because when you're empowered, you...get to have your Cowboy Pop at a decent price?
RK: I like that logic. Jaylynn, I'm fully on board with your mission to save Lucky Star. By all means necessary.
JAYLYNN: Hell yeah. I knew I could count on you, Jennings. Wade, I don't know about you right now, but what about you other two?
SPARKY: I'll consider it once it gets off the ground.
BUSTER: I want to, but I can't have a girlfriend and protest at the same time. I sweat too easily.
JAYLYNN: You have a girlfriend? Who?!
SPARKY: Yeah, this is news to me.
BUSTER: Oh no, I don't have a girlfriend yet. I'm looking for one. Someone that can replace Diana.
WADE: You want a One Direction fan with homicidal tendencies?
BUSTER: Not the second thing, only the first thing. She has to look good.
RK: A prerequisite.
BUSTER: Probably. And...and she has to be really nice. And she has to make me feel like I can be myself.
JAYLYNN: Why don't you build her in a lab with sugar, spice, and everything nice?
BUSTER: I can't do that, only Wade can. Can you?
WADE: I tried that years ago, I still haven't recovered from it.
JAYLYNN: I'm just saying you can't find the perfect girl. It has to happen. And if it does happen, don't be an idiot and let her go like I did.
BUSTER: Don't worry, Jaylynn, that's the beauty part. My perfect girl won't be lesbian!
Beat.
JAYLYNN: Okay? Look, just don't rush into anything. The girl you end up with might be nothing like you thought she would be.
BUSTER: I hear ya. I need girls that can challenge me. Yeah, girls that aren't like the girls I like. Girls that will beat me if I cross them.
SPARKY/RK/WADE/JAYLYNN: No.
BUSTER: What? If you cross someone, you're liable to receive a beatdown. It's only fair.
SCENE 6
The MacDougal Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
Bitch Clock and Sparky are on the couch.
BITCH CLOCK: So, the guy was looking at me and he was like, "What are you gonna do about it?" I'm like, "Come on, man, you know who I am? I'll f***ing kill you." He threw a punch and I did something about it. I didn't even try to kill him, just gave him a little chokey choke.
SPARKY: I sat down, asked if you could pass me the remote, and that's the first thing you decided to tell me?
BITCH CLOCK: What's the problem?
Buster walks in.
BUSTER: Hey guys.
SPARKY: The lady killer. How are you doing?
BITCH CLOCK: I'm doing good, how about you?
SPARKY: I was talking to Buster.
BITCH CLOCK: Him? He's no lady killer, you kidding me? Oh, you meant that he killed his girlfriend. Went psycho on her, right. Or maybe you mean the way that he kills girls' interest the minute he starts talking.
BUSTER: I'm really starting to hate you.
BITCH CLOCK: Good. The hatred just helps me get my paper longer.
SPARKY: Take a walk, Bitch Clock.
BITCH CLOCK: Okay. But only because I zone out whenever your friends come here.
Bitch Clock leaves the couch and walks out of the house.
SPARKY: So, what's going on?
BUSTER: I don't know. I was thinking about Jaylynn. What she said about finding the right girl?
SPARKY: You know Jaylynn is gay, right?
BUSTER: Ewww. Sparky, that's bad. Bad Sparky.
Buster pulls out a newspaper, rolls it up, and hits him on the head with it.
SPARKY: Where did you even get that from?!
BUSTER: Don't worry about it. I meant that she gave great advice. I need to let the girls come to me, not the other way around. So, you know what I did?
SPARKY: What?
BUSTER: I signed up for Saturday's Mix and Mingle Mega Mixer at the community center. Just a bunch of kids being there, getting to know each other, meeting new friends.
SPARKY: And you think you'll find your girl there?
BUSTER: Oh no, sir. Contrarily, I'm doing this to let the girls find me. Suavely. So, I can meet them this weekend, and get two or three phone numbers. At a minimum.
SPARKY: Sounds like a solid plan. Hopefully, you meet someone you really like.
BUSTER: I know I will. It's the community center. Do you know how many cute girls come to the community center? One time, I saw Anja walking out of poetry class, and it looked like Instagram in there.
SPARKY: Really?
BUSTER: No, just diet Instagram. But when the mixer comes, I know there's going to be some cuties.
SCENE 7
Ike's Ice Cream Emporium
Interior Booth
Seattle, Washington
RK and Jaylynn are having ice cream together.
JAYLYNN: Okay, so in order to save the corner store, what do we need?
RK: Well, first things first is a street team. A crack staff that can talk to the media so we don't have to.
JAYLYNN: Right, soldiers. But we can't just get anybody. They have to care about Lucky Star as much as we do.
RK: I don't know if we know anybody like that.
Trevor walks into the restaurant, scratches himself, and looks around. He sees RK and Jaylynn and walks up to them.
RK (CONT.): Oh no, he's here. And I made eye contact with him.
JAYLYNN: Who? Oh, never mind.
TREVOR: Hey guys. Do you know if I'm at Carl's Jr. right now?
JAYLYNN: No, you're at Ike's.
TREVOR: You've got Mike and Ike's?
JAYLYNN: You are at an ice cream place.
RK: Are you high right now, dummy?
TREVOR: Does it show? I'm trying to hide it from the cops. They're everywhere.
JAYLYNN: Why didn't you just smoke at home?
TREVOR: I wanted Carl's Jr., so I'm here at Carl's Jr. Why don't you ever listen to me?
Trevor sucks his teeth and walks out.
JAYLYNN: I don't think he's graduating. I really don't.
RK: Jay, this might be a horrible idea, but maybe we have our crack staff right there.
JAYLYNN: Trevor? You want that bum to join our protest?
RK: Look, we need someone that benefits from the corner store being open. And who else would protest the shutdown of a smoke shop?
JAYLYNN: But he's underage.
RK: Nobody has to know that. We just need to tell him what to say and how to carry on our message. He'll be our mascot.
JAYLYNN: So, he's someone we can control?
RK: I don't like that word. Mascot is better. It's cute, it's cuddly. Bottom line, we need a spokesman.
JAYLYNN: Okay. You think you can get KG to talk to him?
RK: I think so. But we need to make this quick before they chop the corner store down for parts, or...or turn it into a shopping mall like some crappy 80s movie.
JAYLYNN: There was a movie where that happened?
RK: I'm pretty sure. It's the 80s, everyone was on coke, they didn't know what they were doing.
SCENE 8
Northgate Community Center
Exterior Entrance
Seattle, Washington
Buster pulls up to the community center. He adjusts the collar on his shirt and sprays some Binaca in his mouth.
BUSTER: Alright. Time to meet the new Miss Buster. No, the new Mrs. Buster? They both sound terrible!
BUSTER'S BRAIN (V.O.): Whatever you do, don't embarrass yourself. You're in junior high now.
BUSTER: I know that, genius. Which is why I've been doing research on pick up lines. What to say to girls, what not to say. That way, I'll be the boy they've been waiting for.
BUSTER'S BRAIN (V.O.): And what happens when you're not?
BUSTER: You're too negative, go make some more brain juice.
SCENE 9
Northgate Community Center
Interior Meeting Room
Seattle, Washington
Buster walks around with a glass of fruit punch nodding his head repeatedly, looking for girls to talk to. He sees one that catches his eye and struts over to her.
BUSTER: You come here often?
GIRL: No, not really.
BUSTER: Anyway, my name's Buster. But you're like Mike Tyson. Because you're knocking me out.
GIRL: Who's Mike Tyson?
BUSTER: You don't know Mike Tyson? The old guy that fought Jake Paul?
GIRL: Doesn't ring a bell.
BUSTER: Mike Tyson Mysteries? He bit a guy's ear off. And I want to do the same, except I'll bite on it, not off it.
The girl scoffs and throws her drink in Buster's face, then walks away from him.
BUSTER (CONT.): Why did she do that? We're not at the club.
SCENE 10
Northgate Community Center
Interior Meeting Room
Seattle, Washington
Buster is surrounded by girls as he stands in the middle of the circle the girls have formed.
BUSTER: Okay, girls, I'm glad you came to me after I yelled at the top of my lungs. I just needed a way to get your attention.
GIRL #2: For what?
BUSTER: For a live demonstration of my feats of strength. Right now, to get you going, I'm going to take a bottle of Mountain Dew, unopened, and bend it in half in less than a minute. It's one of the things I do best.
GIRL #3: There's no way you can do that, you're capping.
BUSTER: No, my name's Buster, but it's okay if you call me Captain. Okay, without any further ado, I give you...my feats of strength.
Buster stretches, picks up a two-liter bottle of Mountain Dew, and tries to bend it with all his might, but he's unable to. The girls quickly get bored and begin to leave as Buster is shown sweating profusely and panting.
BUSTER (CONT.): Somebody...please get me something. Some Gatorade...hey!
An older man walks up to Buster.
MAN: Excuse me, but I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave. This is the second time today you've yelled and there were already complaints.
BUSTER: No, you don't understand. I'm trying to find a girlfriend, I need to do the feats of strength! Huminoza Espinoza!
Buster tries to crack the bottle over his knee, but he inadvertently raises his knee at the same time, which causes the bottle to recoil into his forehead, and for him to fall backwards onto a table of snacks. This knocks him out cold.
SCENE 11
Northgate Community Center
Exterior Entrance
Seattle, Washington
Sparky and Buster sit by the curb as Buster pours out the same Mountain Dew bottle on it.
SPARKY: So, you thought that because it worked on Wizards of Waverly Place, it would work for you?
BUSTER: I was just trying something! I thought I would activate some hidden magic powers to bend the bottle.
SPARKY: How come you didn't just be yourself? Why try and hide behind gimmicks?
BUSTER: Gimmicks are sexy, Sparky. Girls love gimmicks. We're in junior high now, nobody wants to be bored. They want the razzle dazzle.
SPARKY: Then you were better off with a magic trick. Listen, Buster, any time you've dated a girl, you didn't need to get their attention with cheesy lines and weird stunts. You listened. You showed who you really were and girls loved it.
BUSTER: Then how come I don't have a girlfriend like the rest of you? Why can't I have what you guys have?
Beat.
SPARKY: I don't know. Maybe girls don't know what they're missing.
BUSTER: Or maybe it's me. I'm too old, I'm a has-been. I'm gross and senile.
SPARKY: You're in the sixth grade.
BUSTER: Exactly. Pretty soon, I'm going to go through puberty and start wondering where my pants are. I'm going to start hearing the crumpling of foil paper when there's no foil paper around me.
SPARKY: Buster, you know puberty doesn't work like that, right?
BUSTER: Please don't reassure me. I know what's coming.
SPARKY: Let me use the bathroom and then I'll take you home.
BUSTER: Sure.
Sparky plays with Buster's hair, then goes inside the community center. At that point, a girl around the same age walks up to Buster as he continues to pour the Mountain Dew on the curb.
NATALIE: Hey, are you sure you don't want to drink that?
BUSTER: Yeah. I'm paying tribute to Liam from One Direction. Every drop counts so he doesn't go thirsty up there.
NATALIE: I love One Direction. When I found out he died, I cried for ten minutes.
BUSTER: Really? I stayed in my room for three hours. I forgot to feed my cat, I was so emotional.
NATALIE: I know. And everyone just pretends it didn't happen. This is probably how my grandparents felt when the Beatles died.
BUSTER: I thought some of them were still alive.
NATALIE: No, I think that's the Rolling Stones. Anyway, my name is Natalie. It's great to meet you.
BUSTER: It's great to meet you, too. I'm Buster.
NATALIE: Oh yeah, you were the one that got knocked out at the mixer.
BUSTER: You saw that?
NATALIE: No, but my friend did. I left early because I was nervous and I didn't know what to say to anybody. I just wanted to meet someone nice.
BUSTER: So did I. Now, I don't know what to do.
BUSTER'S BRAIN (V.O.): A pretty girl is giving you the time of day. Execute!
BUSTER: Will you shut up? I don't want to talk to you!
NATALIE: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were having the spins. Should I call someone?
BUSTER: Huh? No, it's okay. I was thinking that since we both wanted to make a new friend, how about we make each other the new friend?
NATALIE: Really? Because I can be really awkward sometimes.
BUSTER: Well, some people think I'm stupid. It balances out.
NATALIE: Alright. I guess this is my number.
Natalie gives Buster her number on a piece of paper.
NATALIE (CONT.): I hope I get to hear from you soon.
BUSTER: I don't think that's gonna be a problem.
Buster and Natalie smile at each other.
NATALIE: Okay. Bye.
BUSTER: Bye.
Natalie speed walks away. At the same time, Sparky walks out of the center.
SPARKY: You know they have a class on how to murder people? Who approved that?
BUSTER: The same person that approved me meeting a cute girl.
SPARKY: What?
BUSTER: Sparky, it was crazy. It was like God looked down on me and said, "I got you, kid." This girl and I were talking and she gave me her number. See?
Buster gives Sparky the piece of paper.
SPARKY: She just...gave this to you? Where is she?
BUSTER: She's gone. But now, I have her number so I can talk to her. She's a 1D fan, too, can you believe that?
SPARKY: I guess I can. You don't have a concussion, do you?
BUSTER: Of course not. Come on, let's go. I want to start texting her ASAP.
SPARKY: Sure.
Buster takes back the piece of paper, then gets in the car with Sparky. Sparky looks at Buster with concern momentarily, then gets inside.
SCENE 12
The Jennings Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
RK lets Jaylynn and Trevor in.
RK: Come in, guys.
TREVOR: I think I know what's going on here. You two are going to kill me because I took KG's weed without asking!
JAYLYNN: Why would we go to all this trouble to kill you?
TREVOR: I don't know, you're deranged.
RK: Hey buddy, please focus for a minute. As you know, the Lucky Star Deli & Grocery was closed down by the authorities due to selling weed unlicensed.
TREVOR: I know. It was terrible. I even yelled at my mom when she called me because I had just heard the news.
JAYLYNN: What we're doing is we're planning a protest so they can reopen the store, but we need someone that can speak for us.
RK: That's right. A poster boy, a mascot. That's where you come in, Trevor.
TREVOR: Okay. What do I have to do?
JAYLYNN: All you have to do is represent us publicly. The police won't take us seriously, but whenever teenagers talk about changing the world, everyone goes crazy.
TREVOR: It's true. We're the future of this country.
JAYLYNN: And that scares the hell out of us, but in this case, we don't have a choice.
TREVOR: So, I'm just reading things you guys write for me, batting my eyes, talking in a sexy voice?
RK: You don't need to do those last two things, but yes. You're going to be the face of our protest. Can you handle that?
TREVOR: I think so. I love weed, and everyone respects me for my leadership skills. At work, they always put me in stock because they don't trust me anywhere else. Let those losers handle the register.
Beat.
JAYLYNN: RK, are you sure you don't want someone else for this?
RK: Trust me. I know what I'm doing.
TREVOR: Yeah, he knows what he's doing. Let her know, RK!
Trevor puts up his hand for a high-five, and RK responds by gingerly rubbing the back of his hand on Trevor's pant leg.
RK: I don't know where that hand's been.
SCENE 13
("Kiss You" by One Direction plays in the background)
A montage is shown of Buster and Natalie's time together. They do things like go to Golden Krust and eat beef patties, listen to One Direction albums together, and ride a tandem bike through the park. At one point, while out getting ice cream, Natalie kisses Buster, which makes him blush. He then kisses her back, which leads to blushing from her. Natalie then playfully sticks her ice cream cone in Buster's face, which makes him chase after her.
At one point, Buster and Natalie stumble upon a homeless man. Believing he's dead, they start to poke him. He immediately wakes up and it's revealed that he's naked as his blanket falls off and he scolds them. The two are horrified and run away, but the homeless man tosses a baseball bat at them in a failed attempt to kill them.
On another occasion, they take turns riding each other around in little shopping carts at the grocery store. This continues until a security guard comes up to them and tells them to open their pockets, believing they've stolen something. The two look at each other with confusion, start crying, and the security guard is immediately reprimanded by employees and customers. Outside the store, the two start laughing, happy that their plan to make the security guard look foolish was a success.
SCENE 14
Craig Bartlett Junior High School
Interior Lunchroom
Seattle, Washington
The kids are at lunch together.
BUSTER: I'm telling you guys, Natalie is something else. She told this joke yesterday, it almost made me die.
JAYLYNN: What was the joke?
BUSTER: Oh, you wouldn't get it. But it was great, I can't lie.
RK: It was probably a shitty joke that makes no sense.
JAYLYNN: I know, right?
SPARKY: So, you and Natalie are like Siamese twins now. I can't even get a hold of you.
BUSTER: I'm sorry. I just really like being around a girl again. She might be the new Diana.
JAYLYNN: Really? That's huge. Wait, is she going to try killing us all?
BUSTER: No, she's chill. I'm trying to figure out if she likes college football.
SPARKY: Why?
BUSTER: Because if she's a fan, we can go to the national championship game together. Then I can say "I'm taking Nattie...to the natty."
Beat. RK cackles.
RK: That's a good one.
JAYLYNN: I don't get it. Does Natalie have Instagram or something?
BUSTER: No, she stays away from social media. It's too distracting for her.
RK: Okay, so what about pictures? You got some pictures?
BUSTER: Why, so you can ogle her, you sicko?
SPARKY: I think he just wants to see what Natalie looks like.
BUSTER: Oh. That's okay.
Buster goes to his phone and scrolls, then groans.
SPARKY: What's wrong?
BUSTER: The Wi-Fi sucks in this school, there's no reception.
JAYLYNN: The Wi-Fi's stopping you from looking at your pictures?
BUSTER: Apparently. This thing is moving slower than a turtle in slow-motion.
Buster continues to mess around with the phone, then groans again.
BUSTER (CONT.): Okay, this isn't going to work. Let me go to the bathroom and see if I get service.
Buster leaves the table and then the cafeteria.
JAYLYNN: Hey Sparky, have you seen Natalie?
SPARKY: Not at all. Just what Buster's told me about her.
RK: What about a phone call? Buster's never put her on the phone?
SPARKY: No. Why would he do that?
JAYLYNN: So, you know that she exists? She's a living, breathing person with blood and guts?
SPARKY: Jaylynn, what are you getting at?
RK: Look, I hate to pull the nipple from the baby bottle, but I think Buster might be faking a girlfriend.
SPARKY: What? You're out of your mind.
JAYLYNN: Are we? I mean, Buster's been pretty lonely lately. And he's had an imaginary friend before.
SPARKY: So, Buster is so desperate and sad, he's decided to lie about meeting a girl and talking to them all the time?
RK: It wouldn't be the weirdest thing he's done. Besides, it's an activity. Gives him a reason to get up in the morning.
SPARKY: I can't believe this. Can't you guys have some faith that Buster found someone he really likes?
JAYLYNN: We want to, but people have faith in God. That doesn't mean you can see him.
SPARKY: I don't know. It's all just a coincidence. Buster would never make up something like that.
Buster returns to the table.
BUSTER: Sorry guys. My phone's really pissing me off, so I can't show you any pics of Natalie.
JAYLYNN: That's okay.
RK: Another time then.
RK gives Sparky a curious look.
SPARKY: Don't you guys have a protest to worry about?
JAYLYNN: We're at school.
SPARKY: I guess that's two things that supposedly don't exist.
BUSTER: What's going on?
SPARKY: Nothing.
SCENE 15
Seattle Police Department
Interior Lobby
Seattle, Washington
Officer Shanahan and Officer Park are talking over the coffee.
OFFICER SHANAHAN: So, am I the asshole? Just because my sister's a bad mom, doesn't make me a bad uncle.
OFFICER PARK: Maybe next time your sister tells you not to give her son ice cream, don't give him ice cream.
OFFICER SHANAHAN: Dude, you don't get it. I'm the funcle. I serve a purpose. It's not my fault she treats the boy like he's at Coyote Ridge.
RK clears his throat. The cops turn around and see him with Jaylynn.
RK: Look, I hate to interrupt whatever this is, but we have important things to discuss.
OFFICER PARK: I guarantee whatever you have to say isn't worth our time.
OFFICER SHANAHAN: Yeah, move it along, Jennings. Your family's caused enough problems for us.
JAYLYNN: So, are you guys trying to be bad cops, or you're really just bad cops?
OFFICER SHANAHAN: I don't know what you're talking about.
JAYLYNN: Shocker. Anyway, we want you guys to reconsider what you did to the Lucky Star corner store.
OFFICER PARK: You mean, that hole-in-the-wall deli that was selling weed without a license? That's what you came here for?
RK: Yes. It was unjust, it was barbaric, and it was a violation of the store's constitutional rights.
OFFICER SHANAHAN: Why do I feel like you're one of those people that use words you don't know the meaning of?
OFFICER PARK: Listen, kids, a lot of store owners have been taking advantage of the law for months now. If they don't want to do things by the book, we have the right to take away their business.
JAYLYNN: And you don't think they deserve a second chance? The Lucky Star has been around for years.
RK: Yeah, we have roots there.
OFFICER SHANAHAN: One of my friends got jumped there and almost killed.
RK: Maybe he deserved it.
OFFICER PARK: Alright, this discussion is pointless. If you guys want to go around town promoting weed licenses, go ahead. But that store's not opening up any time soon.
OFFICER SHANAHAN: Testify.
The cops toast their coffee cups and sip them in unison.
RK: Alright. We tried talking. We gave you one chance to change your mind.
JAYLYNN: But you didn't, so now, you've forced our hand.
OFFICER PARK: You know, we can arrest you just for threatening us, right?
RK: It's not a threat. No threats. Threats are a part of life. But you have to look at the situation behind the threats.
OFFICER SHANAHAN: So, you're admitting to making a threat?
RK: I literally just said I'm not doing that.
JAYLYNN: Yeah, I'm starting to think you're just bad cops. Come on, RK.
RK and Jaylynn leave the police station.
OFFICER PARK: They're very weird kids. But on some level, I'm a fan of them.
OFFICER SHANAHAN: Yeah, I appreciate their moxie.
OFFICER PARK: Breaking out the word-of-the-day calendar again, Jeff?
OFFICER SHANAHAN: Had to.
SCENE 16
The Newman Condominium
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
Buster gets off the phone as Sparky walks in.
SPARKY: Hey Buster.
BUSTER: What's up? Your timing is perfect. I just got off the phone with Natalie.
SPARKY: You just got off the phone with Natalie? Right before I came in?
BUSTER: Yeah. What a world, huh?
SPARKY: Yup, Earth is something else. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about Natalie.
BUSTER: Really? What about her?
SPARKY: Well, it's obvious you two really like each other and you're a lot happier now. So me and the guys would love to meet her.
BUSTER: Damn, really? That sucks.
SPARKY: Why?
BUSTER: Natalie's not really the hangout type. I told her I wanted her to meet you guys, but she wasn't into it.
SPARKY: She wasn't into it.
BUSTER: Nope. I just have to convince her some more. Everybody knows I'm a master convincer.
SPARKY: One of the best in the business. Alright, I'll be on my way. Hey, what's Natalie's last name?
BUSTER: Coleman, why?
SPARKY: Nothing. Your girlfriend's name is Natalie Coleman. That much we know.
BUSTER: You're acting kinda weird, man. Are you having a stroke?
SPARKY: No, I'm not having a stroke!
Beat.
BUSTER: Do you understand what I'm saying to you right now?
SCENE 17
The MacDougal Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
Sparky is in the living room with RK, Wade, and Jaylynn.
SPARKY: He's making it up. He's making the whole thing up and he's acting like it's normal. Natalie Coleman? Who does that sound like to you?
WADE: I'm guessing it's a portmanteau of Natalie Portman and Natalie Cole?
SPARKY: Bingo. It's so obvious what's going on here.
RK: So, what do we do now that we know Buster's faking it? Smack him until he breaks down and admits it?
SPARKY: No, we can't do that. We have to make Buster feel comfortable enough to tell us on his own.
JAYLYNN: What if Buster's hallucinating Natalie? Like his mind created a girlfriend for him to have and only he can see her?
WADE: Wait a minute. Just like on Empire with Andre?
SPARKY: Oh no, the DuBois family's trying to take us out through Buster!
JAYLYNN: What?
SPARKY: I'm sorry, I got paranoid there. But whatever's going on here, we can't make Buster feel bad. Maybe this is what he needs to get over Diana.
WADE: We can't sit around and support mania. We have to help Buster before it gets worse.
SPARKY: And do what? Put him in a psych ward? He hasn't been this happy since they brought back Oreo Cakesters.
RK: I still think we should smack him. It doesn't have to be hard, just enough that he looks at us and wonders what we're on.
RK's phone vibrates and he takes it out.
RK (CONT.): Hell yeah, that's what I'm talking about?
SPARKY: What happened?
RK: Jaylynn, Trevor, and I are going to be guests on Let's Talk About It. The show accepted our story!
JAYLYNN: Holy shit, we're going to be in prime time!
RK: Never before seen, baby.
WADE: So, what are you guys going to talk about on the show?
RK: We're just going to make a case for why the Lucky Star should reopen. And Trevor is going to make that case on our behalf.
JAYLYNN: Yeah, he's our mascot.
SPARKY: Why would you want Trevor involved in your protest?
RK: Because he doesn't challenge us. He does what we say when we say it.
WADE: Well, I guess any grassroots campaign needs a puppet or a fall guy.
JAYLYNN: You know, it wouldn't kill you to support us.
WADE: If I watch you guys on TV, will that be enough?
JAYLYNN: It could go a long way.
WADE: Then I'll watch.
JAYLYNN: Good.
WADE: Great.
RK: Fantastic.
SPARKY: I guess Buster's off the table now.
RK: Why are you bringing up Buster? Did something bad happen to him?!
Sparky groans.
SCENE 18
Seattle Community Access Network Headquarters (Let's Talk About It)
Interior Soundstage
Seattle, Washington
("Hip Hop" by Mos Def plays in the background)
"Let's Talk About It" host Gerald Stevenson comes on stage and waves to the audience as they go crazy for him.
GERALD STEVENSON: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another edition of Let's Talk About It. I'm your host, Gerald Stevenson. First up tonight: Three Seattle youths who are protesting the condemnation of a local bodega. They are Ryan Kennedy Jennings, Jaylynn Hernandez, and Trevor Mitchell. Let's bring them on out.
(A live version of "Hip Hop" is performed by the house band)
RK, Jaylynn, and Trevor walk on stage and wave to the audience. Trevor's eyes are wide and he looks almost like a deer in headlights as he takes his seat.
GERALD STEVENSON: Well, it's nice to see you guys here tonight. Jaylynn, I believe you were here not too long ago?
JAYLYNN: Yup. I was here with my best friend and my best friend's sister for the whole...Instagram gelatin thing?
GERALD STEVENSON: Yes, that was a memorable night. But I see you've brought some new friends to the show.
RK: That's right, Gerry. RK Jennings, activist in training.
GERALD STEVENSON: And this activism is about your favorite corner store being shut down prematurely.
RK: Is it? I wouldn't know. Why don't I turn it over to my partner Trevor?
JAYLYNN: Yeah, go Trev.
Beat.
RK: Six minutes, Trevito, you're on.
RK cackles. Beat.
JAYLYNN: Trevor, the cameras are on you, what's going on?
TREVOR: Do you like hot dogs?! We've got hot dogs! Do you like-
RK: Hang on, hang on, folks. Quick timeout. I need a word with our spokesman. Jaylynn, banter with Gerald a little.
JAYLYNN: No problem.
RK pulls Trevor off-stage.
JAYLYNN (CONT.): Hey, do you have that game where you have to sing a song a certain way? Because I would kill it.
GERALD STEVENSON: No, that's Jimmy Fallon's thing.
JAYLYNN: Oh yeah.
GERALD STEVENSON: Yeah, we tried something similar and the cease and desist letter made it clear we should never try it again.
SCENE 19
Seattle Community Access Network Headquarters (Let's Talk About It)
Interior Backstage Area
Seattle, Washington
RK and Trevor are backstage.
RK: What the hell are you doing, man?! You're blowing our chances!
TREVOR: I'm sorry. Live TV freaks me out. That's why I never go to sporting events.
RK: Why?
TREVOR: So I won't get caught on camera. Come on, bro, use your noodle.
RK: No, you use your noodle, you can of chowder! Look, a lot is riding on this. People are tuning in right now, they're going to make whatever we say go viral. Then those foodbutt cops will see it, and it will leave them no choice but to reopen the corner store.
Trevor snickers.
TREVOR: Foodbutt.
RK: It's not funny! I had a feeling this would happen, so here are some carefully crafted, color-coded cue cards. They're pocket-sized so they have a snug fit. If I mention a color, you pull out the card with said color and say exactly what is on the card. Don't deviate from it in any way.
TREVOR: So, you mention the color yellow, and I start reading from the yellow card?
RK: Exactly.
TREVOR: But what if you mention a color just because? How will I know it's part of the bit?
RK: It will all be part of the bit. Why would I just randomly talk about colors on a late night talk show?
TREVOR: I don't know, you're deranged.
RK: Just read the damn cards!
SCENE 20
Seattle Community Access Network Headquarters (Let's Talk About It)
Interior Soundstage
Seattle, Washington
Back on stage, Trevor looks through the cue cards.
RK: So, Jaylynn has really been the brains of the operation.
JAYLYNN: Nah, I wouldn't say that. RK's really been my right hand in all this.
RK: See how modest she is? What a modest redhead.
Trevor panics and immediately pulls out a red card.
TREVOR: "The Lucky Star Deli and Grocery is very important in our city. Old people buy lottery tickets, kids play with the drinks, and nobody has to worry about buying things at non-repu table prices."
RK: What the hell is he doing? And it's reputable!
JAYLYNN: RK, what's going on?
RK: Hell. Because we're all in it.
GERALD STEVENSON: I did some research into Lucky Star. It turns out that marijuana was being sold without a proper license.
JAYLYNN: I mean, people are going to say what they want. But that store needs a second chance.
RK: Yeah, we're fighting for the green light right now. The green light.
Trevor pulls out a green card.
TREVOR: "No store owner should be forced to lose everything because of a mistake. You're all a mistake."
Beat.
TREVOR (CONT.): Wait, no, I'm sorry. "We're all a mistake."
RK: Trying to get this interview was a mistake.
AUDIENCE MEMBER (O.S.): Why are you reading cue cards like a bimbo?
TREVOR: I'm not a bimbo, you're a bimbo! And your grandma's a bimbo!
AUDIENCE MEMBER (O.S.): At least I can read at a fourth grade level.
TREVOR: Spoken like a bimbo's grandson. "Haha, your grandma's a bimbo. Haha, your grandma's a bimbo, Bower."
AUDIENCE MEMBER (O.S.): Who's Bower? Get off the stage, dumbass!
TREVOR: You have the audacity to call me out on live TV? You wanna go?
AUDIENCE MEMBER (O.S.): I'll snap your neck, I'm built like a machine, holmes.
TREVOR: Then prove it, jefe.
AUDIENCE MEMBER (O.S.): Who are you calling a jefe?!
The audience member runs up to the stage, pushes over security and immediately gets tackled by Trevor. The crowd goes nuts as Trevor and the audience member brawl while Gerald and the security try to separate the two. At one point, Gerald grabs Trevor and he gets back slapped hard enough to be briefly suspended in mid-air before landing harshly on the floor. Several audience members go after Trevor and it turns into a full-on melee, shaky cameras and all. Cut to RK and Jaylynn watching in the corner.
JAYLYNN: So, Trevor's out, and we're going to picket outside the corner store tomorrow.
RK: Cool.
RK and Jaylynn exit the stage while the melee continues.
SCENE 21
The MacDougal Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
Sparky and Bitch Clock are on the couch.
BITCH CLOCK: So, she tells me she wants nothing to do with me and blocks me on Instagram. A week ago, we were hugging, kissing, and talking dirty. Now, I know what you're thinking. You're probably like "That's anti-Semitic." But it's not. I had one problem with one Jewish girl this one time. That's all it is.
SPARKY: Seriously, are you trying to get a rise out of me?
BITCH CLOCK: What are you talking about?
Sparky groans and takes the remote from the coffee table, then turns on the TV. Buster walks in.
BUSTER: Hey Sparky.
SPARKY: What's up, man?
BITCH CLOCK: How's your Canadian girlfriend?
BUSTER: What?
BITCH CLOCK: You know, Georgina Glass. That's her fake name, right? Since you guys love ripping off TV shows.
BUSTER: You don't have to drink all the time, you know.
BITCH CLOCK: I'm not even buzzed. Sparky told me all about the chick you invented because you're still in love with that murderer.
Sparky elbows Bitch Clock.
BITCH CLOCK (CONT.): What? I thought we were on the same page.
BUSTER: Sparky, you think I made Natalie up?
SPARKY: In the beginning, I didn't. But some of the details don't make sense to me.
BITCH CLOCK: You know what? I'm just going to go to the attic. Maybe call Jim and tell him why you shouldn't fall for a girl after sex.
Bitch Clock leaves the couch and goes upstairs.
BUSTER: You know, I came here because I wanted to know if you were ready to meet Natalie, but I guess not. Why would you want to meet a girl you don't believe in?
SPARKY: Buster, I was supporting you. I saw how happy you were. But RK and Jaylynn thought things were sketchy, and then they became sketchier.
BUSTER: Sketchy how?
SPARKY: You met this girl right after I went to the bathroom and she left right before I came back. She has no social media, no pictures, I never see you on the phone with her, and her last name sounds like two famous Natalies in one. None of that seems weird to you?
Beat.
BUSTER: Oh my God. Sparky, you're right. Natalie's not real.
SPARKY: I figured that, but don't worry. I'll keep your secret from the guys.
BUSTER: Natalie's not real because she's Diana reincarnated!
SPARKY: Come again?
BUSTER: Think about it. She mysteriously showed up when you weren't around. She loves One Direction, beef patties, and pulling pranks. I can barely prove she exists, she doesn't like being seen or heard from. It all makes sense. Natalie's a ghost and only I can interact with her.
SPARKY: Buster, I think you misinterpreted what I said.
BUSTER: No, I interpreted it. You guys recognized she was Diana before I did. No wonder I like her so much. I know what I have to do.
Beat.
SPARKY: What...do you have to do?
BUSTER: I have to break up with her. Cut the cord, tell her I want nothing to do with her. If I don't, it's only a matter of time before she meets you guys and starts planning something.
SPARKY: If that's what you have to do, I can't be in the way.
BUSTER: I wouldn't want you to. Thanks Sparky. You helped me see it's time to let Diana go. For good.
Buster salutes Sparky and runs out of the house.
SPARKY: What the f*** just happened?
SCENE 22
Lucky Star Deli & Grocery
Exterior Entrance
Seattle, Washington
RK and Jaylynn walk towards the corner store holding signs. RK's sign reads "Free Lucky Star" and Jaylynn's sign reads "Freedom or Death."
RK: Don't you think our signs are too similar?
JAYLYNN: Not really. You're demanding something and I'm giving an ultimatum. What's the problem?
RK: Eh, I'll roll with it. Did you memorize the chant?
JAYLYNN: I tried, but I don't get it. What does this have to do with black nationalism?
RK: Jaylynn, we're carrying on the message of freedom. The mission: Black nationalism. The messengers: You and me. The movement: Corner Store Watch. The oath: Freedom or death.
JAYLYNN: RK, neither of us are black.
RK: But we still support the mission, right?
Jaylynn looks over and sees that the corner store is reopened.
JAYLYNN: What the hell?
RK: What?
JAYLYNN: The Lucky Star's open again. We did it, we brought it back!
RK: Hell yeah!
RK and Jaylynn high-five and begin dancing. They then run into the corner store.
SCENE 23
Lucky Star Deli & Grocery
Seattle, Washington
RK and Jaylynn go up to the front of the store.
ROCCO: What can I get you kids?
RK: Rocco, we want nothing special today. Just a tiny bit of gratitude and that's it.
ROCCO: What are you talking about?
JAYLYNN: He acts like he doesn't know.
RK: Smart.
JAYLYNN: It's okay, Rocco. You don't have to pretend around us. We know the corner store is open again because of us.
ROCCO: What did you guys do?
RK: What didn't we do? We went around getting our petition signed. We spoke to the police, we showed up on Let's Talk About It. We did everything we could to free the Lucky Star...for you.
ROCCO: Guys, all I had to do was get my license approved. I've been talking to the cops about it for weeks.
JAYLYNN: Because we vouched for this place?
ROCCO: I have no idea what you guys did. Wait a minute, what are those signs? What freedom are you trying to get?
Beat.
RK: The freedom of Cowboy Pop?
SCENE 24
Lucky Star Deli & Grocery
Exterior Entrance
Seattle, Washington
RK and Jaylynn walk out of the corner store in defeat.
JAYLYNN: I can't believe this. We did everything we could to save this place and not even a thank you?
RK: That's the breaks, Jay. Money talks, not protesting. It's like Michael Jackson said.
Beat.
JAYLYNN: Michael Jackson said what?
RK: What do you think? The line. He said, "If you want to make a world a better place/Take a look at your wallet and pull out a Franklin face."
JAYLYNN: Michael Jackson never said that.
RK: It's the unreleased version. I have it on my computer, you can listen to it later.
SCENE 25
Northgate Community Center
Exterior Entrance
Seattle, Washington
Buster and Natalie sit at the steps of the community center.
BUSTER: Look, it's not you. Well, it is you, but it's the you that I never thought would come back.
NATALIE: Buster, I have no idea what you're talking about.
BUSTER: I know it's you, Diana. Sparky told me everything.
NATALIE: Diana? Who's Diana?!
BUSTER: You don't have to lie, Diana. It's embarrassing.
NATALIE: I'm not lying because my name is Natalie!
BUSTER: Yes. That's good, that's your cover. But Diana, listen to me. I always felt weird knowing you did what you did. How could I care about someone who would try and kill my friends? But you already told me you felt bad about it, and I accepted it.
NATALIE: Okay.
BUSTER: Now, you're back, and it's great that you found another girl's soul to take over, but it will never work. My friends will never forgive you for what happened. Your friends will never forgive you.
NATALIE: Sure. Listen, Buster, I-
BUSTER: No. It's okay. You don't have to explain yourself. I have to let you go. I can't sit around and act like this is normal.
NATALIE: So, I can go now?
BUSTER: You have to. Whoever this poor girl is that you took over, you should give her back her soul before it's too late.
NATALIE: Alright.
Natalie gets up from the steps and walks away from the center.
NATALIE (CONT.): F***ing weirdo.
BUSTER: Maybe next time, I'll find a girl that doesn't remind me of Diana.
BUSTER'S BRAIN (V.O.): What if you don't?
BUSTER: What if I do? You're always so negative. "What if I don't?" Go away.
Cut to black.
("Dreamworld" by Big Time Rush plays over the end credits)
©2024 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS