AN: TW: Mention of suicide at the beginning.
Chapter 28
Guard duty down at the prison was one of the most boring posts one could be assigned to at the Palace, Adalstienn thought. There were dangerous criminals locked up there, that was true, but automated security measures alone were more than enough to keep anyone inside. Still, guards were needed to keep an eye on the prisoners, and make sure it didn't devolve into a colony prison.
The empty wing, however, was the quietest of them all. It only had one inmate: Prince Loki. Food was usually served by the guards, except for the Prince. A servant from the kitchen would bring him his meals every day, by order of the Queen, who also supervised the Prince's diet.
Whichever the case, soon he overheard among the tavern's gossiping one evening, that the kitchen servants were quite worried, for each day the Prince looked more emaciated. They had passed that intelligence on to the Queen's handmaids, but the Queen said it was the expected thing given the Prince's predicament, and a possible after effect of the poison used against him.
The general sentiment in Asgard was ambivalent. On one hand the populace would always rely on Odin's judgment, and his word was law, but servants and guards had seen what Prince Loki had done along Prince Thor, Lady Sif and the noble Warriors Three. And while the youngest prince lain in bed, burning with fever, word spread among the palace staff and the soldiers about what had happened with Malekith; thus the servants prayed, so that Loki's life would be spared. Then, out of the blue, the Allfather declared his youngest son a traitor and forbade his name to be spoken ever again.
But the will of the Allfather wasn't to be questioned, and so all servants and guards obeyed and accepted that it wasn't their place to have an opinion on the matter. However, Adalstienn guessed that few of his companions saw with good eyes what the Allfather did to his own son. The charges were solid, according to Asgardian law, but his acts to repel the invasion should have acted as mitigating facts. He once commented such thoughts in passing and his captain scolded him severely, advising him that insubordination wouldn't be tolerated.
Even after being told off, Adalstienn didn't see it as fair, no matter what his captain would say. At least the other Prince hadn't left his brother alone, visiting him every day.
But the declining health of the youngest Prince had made the kitchen servants grow concerned, so they had taken to supervise with worry whether if any change or addition to the menu would improve the Prince's health. Every time Adalstienn saw a servant come back for the tray of empty dishes and the used cutlery, he would heard them ask the Prince if the meal was to his liking, and each time he would answer that it had been delicious.
This was everyday life in prison, and today it would be no different. He saw one of the girl servants marching along the corridor, tray in hand. Ylfa was her name, if he remembered well. He had seen her several times in the gardens, but had not yet gathered the courage to go beyond a polite greeting.
She saluted him and his companion with a smile that quickly disappeared to concentrate on her task at hand.
Her shriek made his heart jump to his throat.
Both guards rushed to the cell, from which Ylfa ran away, covering her face, sobbing and screaming.
What they saw inside didn't surprise him, when he calmly reflected on the gruesome scene days later. The Prince had shown signs of a serious illness, whichever it was; even though he had been branded a criminal, the shame of wasting away in bed must have been too much for him to bear.
Thus he had died the closest thing there was to a warrior's death. Later, Adalstienn's captain investigated the scene, discovering that the Prince had stolen one piece of cutlery from one of his meals, sharpened it, and gotten a crude yet extremely effective blade.
The Queen received the news quite badly. She didn't allow anyone to touch her son's corpse, for only she would shroud him and prepare him for the funeral rites. For the first time since any Asgardian could remember, the Queen's voice was heard above that of the Allfather's: Her son wouldn't sleep in a cold mound next to the sea like a criminal, he would have a proper funeral and his spirit would travel to the Beyond, where it belonged.
And so they prepared a boat fit for a Prince, putting around his corpse many of the things he cherished in life.
In the meantime Thor, along with his companions, came back from a diplomatic mission after a fortnight in other Realms, just in time for the funeral.
Flames devoured the vessel as it slowly sailed towards the Astral Sea, as grief seemed to consume both Mother and Older Brother.
No one spoke a word about it, but not too long after everything was said and done, the Queen went to visit her sister in Vanaheim, taking all her handmaids with her.
It would be a long stay.
xxxxXX-0-XXxxxx
The meeting had gone for longer than he would have liked, but his attendance was required. Besides, Pepper would have his head on a pike had he skipped that one; not that he would have done it on purpose, but she made sure to make her plans known should he had any ideas.
However, the only thing running around Tony Stark's mind, as he rode the lift down to the lobby, was how Fury was now speedrunning his Avengers initiative, ever since that incident at Puente Antiguo. The list of eligible people was meager, at best. Who would have thought, that those with "extraordinary" abilities were mostly people who either shunned society or had to be locked away?
The cold air woke him up when he stepped outside. It was late at night and it was January, he remembered; New Year had gone by a week prior, but the party he threw seemed to have happened a century ago.
His car was running, with Happy standing at attention to open the door for him. Hogan's placid expression at seeing Tony changed in the blink of an eye when he saw something behind his boss. Him drawing his gun and Tony ducking happened at the same time.
"I mean no harm, please!" Tony heard a familiar voice behind him.
The millionaire looked behind him.
"Loki?"
Of all the people to have snuck into his headquarters, Loki was the last person he expected to see. Tony laughed, signaling Happy to lower his weapon.
"Where have you been, you scoundrel?" he laughed.
The Asgardian was genuinely happy to see him. Though elegantly dressed, his face seemed haggard, almost emaciated.
"You didn't kill any of my guards, did you?" the millionaire joked.
Loki shook his head, smiling weakly.
"Come," Tony signaled, his tiredness forgotten. "The one about to blow your brains up is Happy Hogan, the head of security and my personal bodyguard," he patted a disgruntled Happy in the shoulder who, nevertheless, opened the car's door as if nothing had happened. "Don't be too hard on yourself, he's a magician. You know, invisibility and all those things," he turned to Loki. "Don't mind him, he never smiles. You look paler than usual, I have a scotch in my car that will cheer you up. Come on!"
The car started moving smoothly. When he sat down, Loki felt his temples about to burst, his eyes heavy with tiredness. He accepted the glass of whiskey Tony offered, taking a sip almost immediately; he was tempted to down it in one gulp, but he suspected that would have been considered rude.
"So, what happened up there? Did you win?"
The story came out slowly. As Loki recounted their battles, Tony listened in respectful silence, but when he reached the part where he had been thrown into prison, the millionaire scoffed, but didn't say a word until Loki finished talking.
"What a load of bullshit," he sneered, taking a gulp from his glass. "And here I thought that Shakespeare was full of it with his plays. You sure you don't want to stop and eat something? I know a mom-and-pop joint that is open all hours of the day, they serve the best burgers on the West Coast."
"I need to lay low," Loki explained, his head resting back on his seat, empty glass on his hand. "I'm not sure if I could use my Norwood persona this time. I made sure they wouldn't search for me, but I'd rather be prudent."
"Yeah, well," Tony chuckled mirthlessly, the tone of the conversation shifted completely. "Odin is not the only one you have to worry about. You got all the guys at SHIELD with their panties in a twist after your number at my ranch."
Loki groaned, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Together with his brother they had prepared, as a counter measure against their data harvesting, a programmed virus that would activate as soon as the transportation ended and the bridge was closed. The last thing they wanted was having human governments being able to visit Asgard whenever they pleased, so they bobby-trapped the device. And the last thing Loki imagined happening to him was going back as a fugitive.
"I loved the shit out of it," Stark cackled. "You should have seen Fury's and Romanoff's faces! And that little message on every screen, like the calling card of a gentleman thief. It's been ages since I saw such a good prank," still giggling, he kept sipping his scotch. "You know, Fury is forming a group of people after all the mess that went on at Puente Antiguo. They rejected me before but now they come knocking on my door. I'm still thinking about it."
"A group for what?"
"To protect Earth. Turns out that knowing aliens aren't as friendly as you and your brother has ruffled some feathers at Security Councils all over the world. It's not like I'm gonna be under them or anything, but it's good that they have me on the loop for when some party needs some fireworks," he raised a hand and started counting with his fingers. "Romanoff is there, the sharpshooter they brainwashed and you had to wake up is there, my friend Rodney, who else? Oh yeah, Steve Rogers. That guy went close and personal with the Tesseract back in the forties, and I suppose Fury will add some more freaks to the show if needed. Anyway, you need money? Your trust fund is safe, by the way, but you can't touch it if you want to go incognito. I can lend you some cash out of my pocket, though."
"If it wouldn't be much of a nuisance," Loki said, nursing his headache. "I would only need enough to find a place to stay for a few days until I can-"
"I'm not letting an alien at large in Los Angeles at night," Tony interrupted him. "Your Dr. Foster won't be around this time to take you to the hospital."
"Where is she?"
"You wouldn't believe it, but after those white robes treated her like an outcast, now they welcome her with open arms. Something about always having been sure she was onto something or such bullcrap. Now they are kissing her feet for her to go to their universities and investigate there, and I think she's enjoying it."
"Good," he smiled, imagining Jane in a proper laboratory... and bringing her own inventions over because the manufactured machines weren't to her liking. "Where are we going?"
"Home. JARVIS, prepare the third room at the East wing, you know, the one with the balcony," he turned to Loki. "Do you miss seeing the horizon? Of course you do, what am I asking? That room has a nice view and lots of privacy."
"Why are you doing this?"
"I liked how you stuck it to SHIELD," then he wagged a finger. "I don't like many people, so consider yourself fortunate. Also I'd rather have you on my side, you know?"
When they arrived at the house, the luxurious interior didn't disappoint Loki. After thanking Tony, he went straight to his private bathroom to take a shower and then to bed, to have a dreamless, though restless sleep.
xxxxXX-0-XXxxxx
It was late in the morning when he finally woke up. Lazily turning his head on the pillow, he saw a bright, blue sky through the big windows. He remained there for a while, without a thought in his head, just gazing at the sky.
At least there had been no nightmares this time.
It kept happening since he broke Odin's seal. He couldn't remember anything the following morning, but his sleep was always restless and he would always wake up with the feeling of having gone through a terrifying ordeal.
It was worsened by the fact that, for the first time in his life, he felt completely lost. A part of himself was tempted with running away to some place outside the Yggdrasil system and live there in peace. Then he remembered himself that, as things where, Asgard didn't stand much of a chance if Malekith came back with reinforcements, and he knew the Dark Elf wouldn't stop at Nine Realms.
The thought of the worlds he knew being plunged into darkness and all their inhabitants being enslaved or, worse, exterminated, made him wince. He remembered Tony mentioning that Fury was gathering a group of special people to protect themselves against exterior threats. No Midgardian army could stand against the Dark Elves and whatever they had allied themselves with.
He felt so tired, and yet he had to do something.
A monster protected nothing, created nothing, died for nothing.
He got out of bed, eventually. After dressing up, he went downstairs; JARVIS informed him that Stark was in his basement and had asked not to be disturbed, but that he was free to roam the premises. Then he drew Loki's attention to a cellphone sitting on one of the coffee tables.
"You left your cellphone at Mr. Stark's ranch, sir," the artificial voice said. "I took the liberty of updating its software and charging the battery, as Mr. Stark implied that you might want to make some phone calls to any of your friends, since your line is secured."
Loki had a plethora of reasons not to do it, but he felt mentally exhausted to expose them, so he pocketed the cell without another word. The first thing he did after a generous and much needed breakfast, was going outside and spend the morning either walking through the gardens or sitting at the cliffs, enjoying the sound of the crashing waves.
At midday he came back to the house, where JARVIS welcomed him once again before showing him several diagrams depicting some statistics; several of them were underlined in red.
"Sir, if I may," the AI started. "Though your physiology is different from that of earthlings, my sensors have noticed a significant variation in your vital signs since your last visit to Earth. The production of certain hormones has become abnormally low, whereas others have spiked, and you seem to suffer from undernourishment. This, paired with your heart rate, pupil dilation, restless sleep pattern, neural activity and overall behavior could lead to a diagnosis of early stages of depression."
"What does a robot know of that?" he snapped, laughing bitterly.
"According to your own story, you have undergone a prolonged and involuntary period of physical and social isolation. Your vital signs match the symptoms referred by those who had similar experiences."
Loki was about to lash out a second time, but a voice interrupted him.
"I wouldn't argue with him if I were you," Tony said as he climbed the stairs from the basement. The arc reactor could be seen glowing through his black t-shirt. "His diagnoses are sometimes way better than those of doctors."
JARVIS served lunch; Tony was the only one talking over it, mostly about what had happened those past three months with SHIELD. At one point he asked Loki something, but the Asgardian realized at that moment he hadn't been paying any attention.
"See what I mean?" said Tony. "You are zoning out more than you should."
"My apologies, I-"
"Nah, save them," Tony waved his hand. "But you are starting to worry me."
"How do you...?" Loki started, as if finding the right words was too difficult. "What do you do when you do things exactly as you should, and still you lose?"
"Never messed up before?"
"No, no, it's not that. It's far worse. I've had many, many setbacks in my life, but I got back on my feet, dusted myself and kept going on. Imagine if you had your own existence turned upside down, but you do as it's required of you, even if you are no longer duty bound to it, while risking your life in the process. And it's still meaningless, as if your whole existence had been predestined."
Tony looked at him for a moment, in silence. Then he asked him:
"You know I was held as hostage, right?"
"I didn't mean to trivialize..."
"No, no, just follow me here. I was a hostage, right?"
"Yes."
"What did the newspapers say about other hostages?"
"They didn't say a thing," Loki answered.
"Of course they didn't," Tony smiled wryly. "A billionaire who manufactures weapons and gives them headline after headline is a valuable asset. A genius surgeon capable of saving the life of a man who should have been dead already?" he tapped at the reactor on his chest. "Not so much. Some terrorists wanted me to build them one of my missiles, so they abducted me and threw me in a cave. They had also captured Ho Yinsen, one of the best surgeons ever, and told him to save my life. I had shrapnel that couldn't be removed near my heart, so he carved this hole in my chest and used a electromagnet plugged to a car battery to keep it away. We became friends, and he told me he wanted to see his family when we could escape."
He sighed.
"We had a plan, but when everything was set into motion he grabbed a gun, told me he would save me time and darted ahead. I found him at the cave's entrance, riddled with bullets. Turns out that was his plan all along, and that his family was dead. When I came back you already know what I did, to try and set things right, and all because a dying man told me not to waste my life.
"What I mean with all this yapping is that sometimes we think we are doing the right thing and we still mess up. I thought I was doing fine all my life just selling weapons and not caring, just because no one else did it and I didn't want to be the only loser with a conscience. Then I got all that thrown to my face and there I was, trying to keep that doctor breathing, as if saving that one person would make up for the many that my weapons vaporized over the years, but there are things that we cannot control. I'm still making up for not being able to save that one life. I will probably keep doing it as long as I breathe, and let me tell you something: It's hard. The hardest, most ungrateful thing I've ever done. But I keep going on because now I couldn't live with myself if I didn't."
Loki didn't expect those words from Tony. The human had given him much to think about that evening, which he spent alone. Stark had a date with Pepper that night that he had postponed far too many times.
At one point, he took his cellphone, holding it in his hand. He had assured himself he didn't want Jane to be involved, but he knew it was just an excuse. There was a doubt in his heart and a weight that had started to feel almost unbearable.
"JARVIS," he said aloud. "Where is Doctor Foster?"
A picture of Jane floated in front of him, along with insignias of official organizations.
"Dr. Jane Foster is currently employed by SHIELD as a consultant to the Investigations Division and as a lecturer at the Shield Academy of Science and Technology, one of the three branches of the organisation's training centre. Today is her last day of winter break, although it's Friday, and according to her schedule, she still has three days before she has to return to her post."
He unlocked his phone, opened the chat application and remained there, looking at the last words they interchanged, months ago. It was an inconsequential conversation that she ended with a 'bye!' and a smiley. He scrolled up: more exchanges in the same tone, with some photographs in between of daily modern appliances and him asking her if they were adequate and how to use them.
Taking a deep breath, he wrote a simple message: 'Hi, I'm here. I'm safe. How are you?'
Putting the phone aside, he requested JARVIS to screen a movie for him. Asgardians had tried their hands at filming stories once, but it was a short lived fad, as they found live theater plays far more enjoyable. He chose a light comedy from the previous century, anything to lighten his current somber mood.
His phone buzzed before the opening credits had finished. Jane had answered with her characteristic enthusiasm, which made him smile broadly, probably for the first time since he returned to Asgard. He wrote back 'Can I video call you?'.
A few moments went away, then the signal of her writing appeared, then disappeared, and this looped for almost a minute before she finally answered asking him to wait.
JARVIS had paused the movie, offering him to show the videocall instead when Dr. Foster would be ready.
Five minutes went away, then ten. She called, finally; Loki felt a weight lifting off his shoulders when he saw her smiling face.
She seemed to be in a working environment, judging by the background. Jane's voice trembled a bit when she greeted him; he had to swallow first to speak to master his own voice. She appeared to be in a small office, away from her coworkers, something he was thankful for; he also secretly thanked his luck at her wearing headphones.
He told her just enough: That Asgard was safe for now, that Odin had thrown him into prison for breaking several articles of their law (she didn't hide her indignation at that), and that he was trying to lay low for a while, so his current whereabouts had to remain a secret. Then he reassured her that Stark had taken him in and that he was safe.
But his explanations didn't seem to convince her.
"You look so thin," she said. "Are you feeling well?"
He assured her he did, that it was just the side effects of him traveling between worlds without the Bifrost's help.
When he asked Jane about herself, she told him that SHIELD was adamant about replicating the Einstein-Rosen Bridge and they kept experimenting with the Tesseract.
"You know, they are pretty angry at you for erasing all the hard drives from the computers, and part of me is too, but I trust you did it for a reason."
"I wasn't going to let them have access to Asgard," he explained. "Had it been only you three I would have left that portal accessible. I only hope they are more careful this time."
"The safety measures are even more strict this time. I also have Darcy with me, and I didn't know I would be saying it, but she has been a blessing."
"Where is Erik?"
"He's back at Culvert. He said he had enough of aliens for a lifetime," she chuckled. "But he's doing all right. How long are you going to be there?"
"A few days. I trust on you being discreet about this matter."
"Well," she made an apologetic gesture. "Darcy knows. Who do you think found this empty room for me to call you and is now standing guard at the door?"
"What excuse did she give?"
Her cheeks reddened.
"I think she pulled out a story about the plumbing at my apartment being leaky, and that the maintenance guy needed me to take a look at something. Since our workplace is secret and he's a civilian he can't see anything of what we are doing."
"She's a fast thinker."
"That's why she's been a blessing. What are you going to do now?"
That question gave him pause. He opted for an easy route.
"This past half year has been quite rough. I need to rest."
"Good," she grew serious. "Probably I won't be able to see you. SHIELD has us under very close scrutiny," there was a loud knock on the door that made her jump and turn her head. When she looked back at him she smiled apologetically. "Time's up. Will message you later."
She cut the call. JARVIS resumed the movie but not before commenting on Loki's health:
"I would suggest to keep in touch with Dr. Foster, sir, as your interaction with her seems to have momentarily alleviated your symptoms."
Loki didn't snap at JARVIS that time; instead he asked him for a cup of tea. Then he sat back and enjoyed the movie, even chuckled at some of the lines.
It was well past sundown when the movie ended. Loki got up to stretch his legs and, as he strode along the ample living room, he asked JARVIS:
"What can you tell me about sorcerers and magicians in Midgard?"
xxxxXX-0-XXxxxx
He went to bed tired, but in a slightly better mood than the previous night. He had spent what remained of that evening searching for information with JARVIS about all the famous magicians known to Midgardians. Since it was a field of knowledge on which Tony was completely uninterested in, the AI had to access several banks of information it had never visited before, slowing down the search around 0.001% of the normal time, as an apologetic JARVIS explained to Loki.
Directing the search towards the figure of the Sorcerer Supreme, Loki could barely find anything useful, except for a few names and locations that were vaguely familiar, but nothing aside old stories and mentions of local legends from some parts of Central Asia.
JARVIS apologized for the lack of information, offering as an excuse that, since those who follow the mystical arts tended to be extremely secretive, they prevented any data about them from being shared in any internet server or data bank.
Loki still had an ace up his sleeve. Each time he had been in Midgard he had made sure to contact all occultist organizations he had access to. Most were either a scam for the desperate, or a cover for the wealthy and depraved to engage in their vices; but there were a few who were true practitioners of the mystical arts. He found one in what now was called Norway, a coven of seers and witches; another in Florence, when he lived there as a married man; and another in London where he had lived as a lawyer. The one in Norway had degenerated into something unrecognisable in the last century, having survived intact for a thousand years, and the one in Italy had turned into a network of herbalist shops which relied entirely in the curative properties of natural products. There was still hope for the English coven.
He lain in bed awake for a long while, thinking about all the venues he had before him. He needed to get stronger before Malekith could strike again. His defenses could still stand, but he needed to know what manner of entity was trying to control him. Asgard's library hosted most of the knowledge from the Nine Realms, but he knew that Midgard was a wild card, as its relationship with magic was a particular one.
Slowly, he drifted into sleep.
A rush of vertigo washed over him before he saw himself in a familiar room.
"Isn't it a bit rude to invade other people's dreams?" he asked aloud. "You humans use cellphones now, you know."
"My apologies," the Sorcerer Supreme answered, materializing before him. "You will have to excuse this old lady for not trusting modern communication devices. Speaking of manners," she tapped her fan against her hand playfully, as a shadow of a smile curved her lips. "Your kind has the tendency of barging into our planet more times than you would admit."
"I'm not supposed to be here, and believe me when I say that this is the least desired scenario for me."
She frowned in surprise.
"What happened?"
"Must I recount everything by word?"
The Sorcerer shook her head, closing her eyes. Loki didn't offer any resistance, yet her prodding was gentle, as a hand slowly browsing among delicate crystal ware pieces. One by one he offered his memories for her to look at, from the moment they left Midgard to his humiliating defeat at Malekith's hands, and then him imprisonment. However, he left out many pieces of information. It was unwise to reveal all your cards, especially in a moment of vulnerability.
"I need to get stronger," Loki said after she had finished. "And for that I need to remain in this planet, for Malekith comes for the Nine Realms, and he's not alone."
The Ancient One turned her gaze from him, as if in thought.
"It's serious," she said at last, turning to him again. "But nothing we can't remedy. You must travel to our main sanctuary as soon as you can."
"Why?"
"You seek help that only us can provide, and you will need a secure environment where to practice... and where to lower your defenses against Asgard's ever-watching eyes."
Loki said nothing. He only wanted to be left alone, but he couldn't abuse Tony's hospitality forever to avoid SHIELD.
"Where are you?" he finally asked.
"We are in the Himalayan mountain range. Do not worry, you will remember our coordinates when you wake up. We will be waiting for you, Loki of Asgard, but please, come as fast as you can."