To my dear and annoying older brother:
I hate you so much, Jonathan! If it wasn't for you and mom I wouldn't be here locked up like a desperate little bird that wants to fly away, it has been just four weeks and I already want to leave! This place is nothing but a cage, I can't do this, and I can't do that! I even have to ask permission to breathe! (Well, not actually) Amatis is nothing like an aunt, she sometimes is so strict with me that it is so difficult to even think that she and Luke are related somehow; King Stephen hardly talks to me and I'm the one who married his only son, he always looks like he doesn't give a damn about anything! Queen Celine is kind of cold with me, like she's waiting for me to do something wrong and tell everyone they have made a terrible mistake by marrying their "little angel" with a plebeian, and for the Raziel's sake! Prince Robert? That man scares me to death! He's always yelling at his son and Princess Maryse doesn't say a thing just because she wants to be friendly. And don't make me talk about Jace! He's such a little motherfucker; can you believe that he treated our friends like rats just because they didn't have a formal invitation to his aunt and uncle's party? I hate him so much that sometimes what runs through my body isn't blood but pure and very thick anger and hatred! I can't believe that people can be born so cruel and unfair! It's kind of ironical, don't you think? He'll be the king of Idris and he's beyond all bearing! What a good husband you chose for me, thank you very much! I mean, when have you heard about someone who hates ducks? Well, I don't really blame him for that, I was studying Idris's history with Amatis and guess what! The madness is a family thing! King William also hated ducks! But if I have to stop complaining, I'll talk you about Alec, my new cousin, you may know him as Prince Alexander, he's the cutest thing ever! He's so kind and charming and friendly, he's one of my few friends in the palace, and I still can't understand how he can be Jace's cousin! Alec is so heartwarming and Jace… well… he's a lice! That's it! He's always asking me if I'm okay, he often eats dinner with us and sometimes, when we don't have royal stuff to attend, we spend the whole afternoon locked in the library, you always told me I was a book worm, remember? So, don't worry, nothing's too bad if you see it from the bright side. Oh! And also have I told you about my personal stylist? I LOVE HIM! Magnus is like so crazy and spontaneous and… God, he's a genius! I wish you could see the things he does with me (Not THAT things, you pervert! I know what you're thinking, you're my brother!) I bet you wouldn't recognize me if I would meet you after a "date" with him, he's awesome! And yes, maybe Simon's a little jealous, if you're wondering about him, he says that he's fine and that he misses me badly but still he's acting a little weird, I'll ask what's going trough is geek mind later; About the Queen Mother, she's such an example of a woman! She's kind, she's sweet, she's very respectful and she adores me! She even told me to call her "grandma" Really! We drink tea every afternoon while she shows me pictures of Jace, Alec and Isabelle when they were children, well Izzy has always been gorgeous! But I swear to God that the princes have changed so much! But my husband was such a cute little baby, I wonder what happened to him? Maybe having too much pride doesn't destroy only your soul but your looks too! Still he has to be so freaking "handsome", but you can't compare an eighteen year old jerk with a beautiful and blonde little baby. Well, the guys are desperate to know something about you! How long are you staying in Germany? Oh! Maia told me that you should visit Becky in Switzerland, she has this smoking hot housemate, you should meet her! I do not doubt about your flirting techniques but next month it will be four years since you left home and I haven't heard about a sister in law yet! Not to pressure you but… the biological clock doesn't stop and your younger sister is already married, mom wants grandchildren though she doesn't accept it, and I myself want to see that you've found happiness with someone else. I love you, bro; I just want the best for you, as you helped me choose what was best for me, I'm not saying that I regret this, it's just difficult but I'll do it for you all so I don't let you down. Anyways, you should visit my own and private hell sometime! Please come back home soon, ok? Just one day, I won't tell mom if you don't want me to! It'll be our secret! But if they catch you red-handed, it's not my fault!
I wish you were here so my hand wouldn't hurt from writing so much, I miss you!
Kisses and hugs from us.
Your little sister, Clary. Now Crown Princess of all Idris (absolutely unbelievable!)
Clary took that little time she had on her own to write something to one of the few people she could really trust in, she received many postcards from her brother but he didn't say much and she needed someone to comfort her, Simon wasn't calling anymore, Maia sent messages almost once a week, the band was busy with their studies and plans and Clary didn't have a single idea of what could they be doing! She felt lonely sometimes, though Queen Imogen and Alec were always there if she needed to talk, it wasn't the same than talking with someone she meet since she was born. Her mother and Luke called when they had time but Clary didn't say much to them because she didn't want to get them worried. Maybe she was just depressed of what had happened in the party, that girl Aline was so rude and made her feel so out of place, she wasn't Jace's love interest before, that was true, but she had no right to say something like that! Was that the fate she had chosen? Being questioned and fooled by everyone, was that really the life she deserved?
"Hey, carrot! The press conference is about to start! What the hell are you still doing here?" and Jace had the courage to act as stupid as always after the way he embarrassed her, they didn't talk much in those weeks, Clary didn't want to and Jace didn't even try to do it.
"What on earth are you talking about?" She put the letter in an envelope and put the address of her brother's temporal residence on it.
"Our first press conference as a couple, wake up, redhead! I told my uncle to tell you!" he even sounded angry.
"Ok, I don't know if that much hair dye you use is damaging your brain but if you haven't noticed… your uncle wouldn't talk to me even if his life depended on it" she would've wished to smile while saying that thing about his hair, but she was sad. Sad, confused and mad.
"But he was the one who arranged it; he was supposed to tell you! You're saying that everyone here knew it except from you?" Clary rolled her eyes at his ignorance.
"Well, there's much thing that everyone knows here except from me, I don't belong here, Jace, remember?" she raised her dress to walk to the door but he stopped her.
"What do you mean?" and know he was concerned? By Raziel, that guy was bipolar!
"I wasn't born in the palace; it's obvious I can't know everything that has happened here!" and he let go of her shoulder.
"That's because you're not paying attention to your classes, what kind of nonsense goes through your head when Amatis teaches you, ah?"
"Oh, you know… the normal things, I sometimes make plans to kill you, other times I think about posting your nude baby pictures on the newspapers..." she approached to meet her eyes with his "but most of the time… I think of ways of getting away from here" and she got out of the studio to meet Magnus so he could help her quickly for the press conference she just had found out about.
'What a cry baby, Clarissa!' that was what Jace thought when Clary left the room; he also thought that the situation was uncomfortable and awful but she was just overreacting! What was his grandfather thinking when he decided to commit him to such an immature and weak girl? If she wasn't made to bear with the palace and its rules, why the heck did she accept? That was the question he always had on his head, why would she stand the fact of being married to him if she hated him so much? It was nonsense in much ways, and she managed to confuse everything for him! Just when he thought he was doing right, she got mad, and when he was trying to make her feel down she seemed to enjoy it!
What a weirdo! Jace had never understood girls very much, in fact! He admired Alec's ability to hear Izzy's complaints over and over again, it was always the same and he never got tired! It must've been just because she was his sister; Jace wondered what it would have been if he had a sister, he would probably be a terrible older brother! He thought about Clary's brother, maybe the guy just ran away from his house because he couldn't stand her anymore, He couldn't imagine of living his whole life next to a girl like that, poor bastard. But still, he felt bad for her, he thought that the hatred would end when they would finally understand that there was no turning back from a marriage, but marriage only made things worse! And then Aline came to the party and treated him like if they were still dating… man, girls were such a science! And talking about the Queen of Rome, his phone rang.
"Hey, Goldilocks! Ready for the social suicide?" said Aline sounding happy about his misery, so selfish!
"Do you even have to ask?" he was too annoyed to try to be gentle.
"Think about his, it will just be for an hour and then in three days you'll be taking a wonderful vacation!" Jace started to get scared.
"Are you a stalker or what? Who told you I was traveling to England?" he asked, Aline was acting strange lately, like she wanted to own him.
"I have my contacts, dear. I was thinking about something…" that just made him shiver, since when did she call him "dear"?
"And what exactly is that?" he was forced to look around to make sure that no one was watching him, if anyone told his father that he was still talking to another woman that wasn't his wife, he would be sent to the guillotine for sure, not only by his father but also by Clary!
"Well… no, I won't tell you! You're terrible keeping secrets!" she laughed.
"Aline Penhallow, since when don't you trust me?" he also smiled; Aline was a good friend though.
"Sine you married another one, Jace. But it's ok…" Jace sighed annoyed.
"Don't blame me for that! I told you to marry me, didn't I?" he reminded her.
"Yes, I know! It's ok, don't worry… but still, I have my own ways to go… you all should be ready" Aline changed from being cute, to be frightening to be suspicious. He would definitely never try to understand women ever again!
Of course everyone had their own plans, and Robert wasn't the exception. You couldn't possibly imagine the power of a broken heart, he never got the love of his father, he was used by his mother so they could stay in the palace, his father's wife hated him badly but still loved his own children, and his brother… he was the worst of all! It was him who got everything on his hand and he didn't have to move a finger, Robert had begged so much to his father before he died and what did he answer? "The thirst of power will blind your heart, son. Let things flow has they have to …" and that was it! But he wouldn't stay with crossed arms; everything was calculated carefully and planned exactly.
The Lightwoods came back just when the Herondales think they had it all, but they were about to lose everything, of course they had to start little by little, Alec would first strengthen his relationship with his cousin to ensure the confidence and make Jace tell all the secrets that the parliament wouldn't let him know, then he would become the princess's best friend so she would be on his side, and when Alexander had done all that they would just need to prove that the prince wasn't capable of ruling Idris, his son would claim the throne as the older and rightful heir and there was no way anyone could refuse. There was obstacles for sure, but nothing was impossible when you tried hard.
"Darling, the press conference will start soon, why aren't you there yet?" asked Maryse entering their room.
"How did you call me?" he sounded cold at Maryse's ears, she sometimes wondered where was the man she once loved?
"I'm sorry, highness. But I must insist that you should be supporting your nephew right now".
"Right, support him when I'm trying to show everyone what kind of pest he is… I've always loved your intelligence, Maryse" he turned to kiss his wife on her cheek, but his kisses just hurt now, like a great and painful lie.
"You really have to do this?" she asked trying not to cry. "They're just kids…"
"Kids who need to learn that you can't be sure about anything in life, I'm trying to teach them a lesson".
"By betraying your own family? You know that the Kings could have kicked us out of the palace right after your father died, but they didn't… why would you do this to them?" Maryse was terribly scared about her own husband, she was scared that he could do something to her son; luckily Isabelle wasn't at the palace to see that terrible tragedy.
"Because they made my life miserable at every moment! I was born to be the king! But Stephen had to be it just because I was nothing but a bastard son! I'm giving Alexander the chance to have something I could never even dream about! You should be happy, woman!" she breathed heavily and answered with tears gathering in her eyes.
"Please don't do something you can regret, please stop this before it's too late… don't make me run away from you" those word had been hidden inside her mind for so long that it was almost impossible to say them out loud.
"Oh, dear. Don't worry about that… you can never get away from me!" he approached and pressed his lips hardly against to hers, Maryse had stood so much things because of her children and that time it wouldn't be the exception, even if she had to pretend that she still loved Robert as she once did. Her life was a constant nightmare.
Suddenly Clary was sitting next to Jace with the entire population of Idris watching, they were all there except for Maryse and Robert and they couldn't start the conference without them, and that was just making her nervous, she wanted to end things quickly so she didn't even have a chance to make a mistake.
"Don't talk unless you're told to" said her husband, she scowled and answered.
"Oh, please! The people are here to hear my wonderful voice of course! What do you think, dumbass? It's my first task as a princess, it's obvious that they're going to focus on me!" she reminded him, he giggles.
"Why would they focus on you when they have an insanely handsome crown prince to admire?" he waved at the audience and a few girls screamed like crazy.
"Because they're tired of dealing with a knucklehead!" she said with a fake smile, she begged to see a familiar face between all those people, but still her hopes were low. She had never felt so lonely and she was surrounded by every single person of Alicante.
"What do you mean? They haven't talked with you yet!" Jace's sweet sarcasm didn't sound so pretty for her.
"Just shut up before I declare myself a widow in public!" her loneliness was replaced with anger and confusion, Jace sometimes gave her advices but then he turned to what she thought was his real self and bothered her so much.
"And how the heck are you going to do that?" he asked smiling; she looked at him with a devilish stare.
"I'll just tell you that if you don't shut that dummy blonde guy mouth of yours, you probably won't have any heirs" she looked down to the part of Jace that she meant and chuckled, he just blushed and turned to talk to Alec.
"She frightens me…" he whispered to his cousin, Alec laughed too.
"You're a shame, Jonathan Herondale! Such a cute creature frightens you?" Clary smiled at Alec's commentary.
"You're calling cute to a demonic gnome!" Clary hit Jace's ribs strongly "And that was probably sumo wrestler in a past life".
"Please forgive us, we had some business to attend" said Robert entering the room next to Maryse, he had some troubles with his suit and Maryse was trying to fix her hair.
"Oh, we all know what means" said Clary a little uncomfortable.
"We do?" asked Jace confused.
"Of course! You think they were playing chess or something?"
"Maybe, who knows?" he answered.
"You should know… or do you still believe in the stork?" Clary was sometimes shocked about Jace's vision of the world.
"I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't have a good relationship with birds" ok, that was just stupid.
"Your last name is Heron-dale, genius!" Jace decided to stop the fight when the cameras started filming them
"You mean our last name, dear" he kissed her hand, she also smiled when she realized they were about to begin. When he let go of her hand she rubbed in on her dress to avoid the feeling of Jace touching her.
"I mean your last name and my curse" she whispered, and then King Stephen stood up from his seat and began talking.
"Dear citizens, brothers from Idris and children of the angel. We're glad to have this little place to talk with you about some matter of our country that we think you deserve and need to know about, please, if you have any question feel free to say it and we'll answer it. First, I would like to start by the princess's activities for the next weeks and months…" but Clary wouldn't listen to his words, Stephen could be so hypocrite sometimes, in the palace he was so cold and serious with everyone but when he was surrounded by his subjects he acted like he was totally happy with his family and specially with his brother, yeah sure, even the most credible person in the entire world would have guessed that Robert and Stephen hated each other for obvious reasons, and it wasn't like Alec's father did something to stop all the play, the story that repeated over and over again, that was what bothered Clary the most, lies! Lies were everywhere! They were supposed to take care of the country and they weren't even honest between themselves, and now she was part of it, pretending that she could get along with a husband she didn't want and pretending she was joyful with a life that she hadn't planned, she felt at the beginning that she could've changed something from the inside of the palace, but with her first days as the crown princess she figured that it wouldn't happen, it would be dangerous to try to say anything. The royal family might be divided into two groups and she might have belonged to one, but still… they were terribly threatening and creative when it came to revenge, except from Alec, he was the only person inside her golden cage that she could actually call "child of the angel".
"Princess?" Celine's voice woke her up from her thoughts.
"Yes?" she tried to smile tenderly but she had already ruined part of the happening.
"You heard what your tasks are going to be, right? What do you think about them? Do you have anything to say?" Clary froze at the moment.
"Uh, right… I… think that…" she began to babble. 'Oh, please! Speak, Clarissa! Don't panic, don't panic! DON'T DO IT, YOU FOOL! Oh God, you're blushing… and now you're sweating! Just say something! Anything! C'mon! Are you molt or what? Oh, you're such a disaster… wait, stop thinking and say something!' she looked at the crowd and she stopped breathing for a moment.
"I think that she's completely pleased with her tasks, dear aunt. His majesty has left her speechless with excitement" and once again she was saved by Alec, God, she owe him so much things! The public clapped and she couldn't understand why.
"Our princess is so nice that she's even afraid to talk" said Imogen with a giggle; a reporter raised her hand to ask a question. 'Not to me, please! Ask all the questions you want but don't make me answer them! I can't lie…'
"Highness is it true that you're completely pleased with your new life?" she said. 'Shit, what did I do to deserve this? Oh, right! I got married by convenience!'
"I am, actually. There's many nice and caring people and the palace and I'm always being watched and taken care of… including their majesties and highnesses, you can be sure that we have the best rulers in all the galaxy" they all smiled pleased but she didn't, she had began by saying the truth but at the moment she saw those ice like eyes, she had to give the reporters a reason to stay silent before they could say that her marriage was nothing but a stupid and unnecessary arrangement.
"And how's the married life treating you, princess?" someone said, she couldn't identify who. 'This is just perfect! Now they're asking me about the L'Oreal lover!'
"I must admit it was a big change, but nothing is impossible… and thanks to the prince's… uh, special attitude with me… it will be really easy to get used to it…" where was all that coming from? Since when did she talk with words she didn't feel? If her mother would've been there she would've guessed that she was lying from just seeing her eyes.
"Will you begin to feel superior at the eyes of your people as everyone else in the monarchy does? Because that's what we all think! " and that was out of place, who on earth would ask something like that? The public began to whisper and let out shocked noises.
"What kind of insolence is this?" said Robert sounding furious. Then Clary understood it was time for her to talk with the truth.
"I understand your concerns about where I come from and where I'm standing now, I wouldn't blame you if you think that my social status will change me. It's going to happen, it's actually changing me right now… If you all know, I was born in a humble and troublesome home, I haven't seen my father or brother in four years, I have a stepfather, and I recently found out that my adored grandfather made a promise that I… have wondered so much if I could actually do it, but now I'm standing here in front of you and yes! I admit it, I'm going to change because now I have the power to correct the things I've seen since I was born and others haven't done anything to fix them, I'm part Idris too, I'm not superior in any way and I'm sure there's much more prepared people than me who must be also helping the country and they can't… what I'll try to do is to give chances to people who can't get them, and I'm going to make my new family understand their nation… I'm not more important than you are, but I'll give you the importance you deserve… and that's a promise I made in name of the angel and I'm not going to break it" sometimes it's better to speak with the heart than with the mind, she would have some troubles for what she had said of course, but she wasn't afraid of that, what was worrying her is that she would lose her essence at the eyes of her country.
"No more questions" said the surprised reporter, even Queen Imogen seemed to be frozen too.
"What a speech, which movie did you get that from?" whispered Jace.
"From one you surely have never seen… it's called Reality" answered Clary, she felt like she had been set free for just seconds and being locked again.
"I haven't seen that one actually, but you should know why we never say those things in public…"
"And why wouldn't you tell them what they want to hear?"
"So they won't lose hope in us, you see? If you tell them you're all set for yourself and not worry about anything, they won't listen to you ever again. If you give them small details they will want to know more at that will keep them attached to you, but if you get excited with words they won't except nothing more from you that a mistake so they can throw you to the lions. Too much talk and no actions don't make them happy, Clarissa… use your head" That was the first time she thought she said something smart and he had to ruin it, but he was somehow right, he had more experience and he knew how it felt to be watched by everyone.
"But I don't want them to think that I don't give a damn about them!" she complained.
"If you didn't care about your country… would you be here feeling the pressure running through your veins? Would you have a marriage that looks more like a disaster? Would you remain quiet to keep them safe from their own leaders? Would you try to be happy with someone you don't know at all? …" she didn't answer. "That's exactly the same things I feel, don't you think you're the only one…" was that even possible? Did Jace Herondale have a heart?
Simon's days went from anger to depression. He couldn't stand talking with Clary and hearing her say that her life was awful, he felt that he could've stopped Clary's misery somehow, he couldn't help of wondering what would have happened if he had told her his real feelings. His mother was terribly worried when she saw him shedding tears while watching Clary with her new husband.
"Oh, darling. I don't know what else could I say when you already have heard everything" she sat next to her son and stoked his cheek.
"She deserves a better life, mom! A life that only I could've given her!" he cried.
"We can't know that, Simon. When it comes to feelings you can never be sure about anything…" she had her own experiences, she could somehow know how being heartbroken felt like.
"Just look at her! Does she seem happy to you?" he talked desperately.
"She chose to sacrifice her own happiness for the sake of her loved ones; do you think I'm blind? I'm sad about her too, Simon. But she had two options and she decided what was better, I'm sure…"
"Better for who, mother?" Simon thought that absolutely nobody understood him.
"For her people… Idris needs someone who knows the insides of it to guide the people, you should be proud of her! I'm actually very disappointed that you're only thinking about yourself!"
"But I love her… how can you tell me not to be so… shattered with this? How do you see your loved one and accept the pain she's feeling without doing anything?"
"Honey, please…" she was trying to make him understand, but a painful heart has its own rules and words.
"How can you tell me to let it go and forget about her? Why did I have to even meet her then? Why did I have to fall in love with her? Why did I have to know her so well? Why did I have to do all those things if I was going to lose her anyways?" her mother just hugged him and told him one final thing hoping that he could comprehend what was truly happening.
"That was what was supposed to happen" Simon had never been a stubborn person, but this just showed how hurt he was.
"But it shouldn't happen to me! To us! Why did she have to love me in a different way? Why do I have to suffer this?"
"Because, it doesn't matter what kind of love it is… A great love comes with a great pain"
To be continued…
Dreamer.
PD: keep that final phrase in your minds ;)