Chapter two

Threshold

At Anna's request, they stayed off the highway.

"Take this next left," Anna said.

"Yes, I remember," Elsa said with a smile.

This couldn't have been more surreal for her. Here she was in the town she grew up in, Anna sitting next to her, going down all the old streets she remembered from what felt like a lifetime ago. With her new life a coast away, the old tics and rhythms of her old life had quickly begun to seep out from the cellar she had confined them to. A sign for their old favorite pizza parlor caught her eye, drawing out an old memory of the two of them pleading their parents to stop there. She quickly forced this out of her mind. One old memory would quickly dredge up other memories, followed by pain, followed by self-loathing, and there would be plenty of all of those things once they got back to the house.

Anna fidgeted in her seat, looking unsure of what to say. Elsa certainly was. They had maintained semi-regular texts back and forth, but the last time they'd spoken was when she called Anna for her birthday, back in March. They had far more substantial conversations in their immediate future. Her car was no suitable place for such talk, but then what should they talk about?

She sent out a feeler. "It's…good to see you again, Anna," she said.

Anna smiled faintly. "Good to see you too," she said. "You're looking well."

"You too," Elsa said. "Except for-"

She clamped her jaw shut. Don't bring that up, you goddamn idiot!

Anna chuckled dryly. "Yeah, it's not great, is it?" she said, touching her scar lightly with her finger and wincing.

"Sorry," Elsa said.

"It's fine," Anna said. "The doctor said it should heal in a month or two."

"That's good, then," Elsa said. In her mind, she scrolled back up through their texting history. "So how's the job hunt going?"

Anna tensed up. "It's…fine," she said in a strained voice.

"Ok," Elsa said hurriedly. She didn't understand why this question would elicit a stronger response than the previous, but she had no inclination to dig deeper on it. "So, uh, anyway, are you still playing tennis?"

Anna seized upon the track change. "No," she said. "Started messing up my arm. The doc said to either change my swing or stop altogether."

Elsa gave a half smile. "Not a hard choice, then," she said.

Anna shook her head. "Now I just need to find a new hobby for my afternoons."

"You used to rollerblade, right?" Elsa asked.

Anna raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, when I was twelve."

"Well, you were pretty good at it," Elsa said. "I'm sure you could shake the rust off in no time."

"I'm sure I'd shake something off," Anna answered.

A memory of Anna from a decade ago bubbled to the surface, sprawling flat on her face. Elsa winced. Then she remembered Anna's scar, and grimaced.

"No, you're right," she said quickly. "It'd be a bad idea, especially right now. I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Anna said. "I'll think of something to do. Maybe I'll try jogging, Mom was telling me I should…"

She trailed off. Starting to sniffle, she dug a nearly dried tissue out of her pocket.

Elsa cursed herself. Barely two minutes of talking, and we're back here. Nice job taking her mind off of it.

Elsa reached out and put her hand on Anna's shoulder. "It's okay," she said.

Anna nodded, then sniffed again. Both of them once again fell silent.

A few minutes later, Elsa turned a corner and noted the street sign. "Almost there, right?" she asked.

Anna nodded.

Elsa spotted a familiar blue house, but noted a surprising lack of lawn ornaments. "Did Mr. Stevens move out?" she asked.

"Yeah," Anna said. "He retired, moved down to Florida."

"Well, that's a shame," Elsa said.

That means he's still closer than you've been.

Soon the old culdesac pulled into view. Elsa instinctively reached for the car ceiling, before reminding herself that she'd taken down the garage door opener long ago.

Anna sat upright. "I'll get the door," she said.

"Thanks," Elsa said. She pulled into the driveway, slowed to a crawl, then unlocked the doors. Anna hopped out of the car and dashed over to the keypad.

As she punched in the code, Elsa noted the numbers she hit. It seemed the code, at least, had not changed in her absence.

The door trundled open, and Anna ducked inside. Elsa began to roll forward, considered things, then put the car in park. She had a suspicion she'd have another recollection once she saw it, and she had a feeling she wouldn't want the car to be moving when she did.

That didn't stop her from trying to avoid it, however. As the garage door opened, she looked around at everything – the tools on the wall, the lawnmower in the corner, the attic door up on the ceiling – before her eyes drifted over to it.

The door.

That door.

"We'll still see you time to time, right?"

Elsa stopped on the bottom step. She looked back through the door, where Anna stood. "Of course," she said. "On Thanksgiving, and Christmas – stuff like that."

She knew without even looking at Anna's face that this wouldn't be nearly enough to chase away her sadness. "That's all?" she asked. "Won't you get some vacation time?"

"After a while, yeah," Elsa said. "I'll probably want to wait a while before I start pulling from it, though. Need to show that I'm a hard worker."

She lowered her wheeled suitcase to the ground. The rest was already in the car; this was her final trip out, and the implications of that had started to weigh on both of them.

"You'll be plenty busy too," Elsa reminded her. "Even your freshman year took up a lot of your time - you'll be even busier once you head back there."

"But I'll just be a couple hours away," Anna said sullenly. "Why did you even look for a job in California to begin with?"

Her voice wrenched at Elsa's heart. "It…just had the best opportunities, that's all."

Anna was on the verge of tears. "Be honest," she said. "Did I do something? Do you not want to be near me anymore?"

"What? No, not at all," Elsa said hurriedly. "I love you, Anna, don't ever doubt that."

"Then why are you doing this?" Anna asked.

Elsa opened her mouth and got ready to lie. She had fabricated a story for just this occasion, after all. But standing here, seeing Anna on the verge of tears, she couldn't bring herself to do it.

Fine, go ahead and tell her. She deserves to know why you're leaving her alone.

Elsa let go of her suitcase handle. The case toppled to the ground behind her as she started to walk back towards the door. Anna clearly hadn't expected this, judging by the surprise on her face. And if she thought she was surprised now…

"It's because there's something wrong with me," Elsa said. She began to climb the short stairs leading up to the door.

"What do you mean?" Anna asked. "There's nothing-"

Elsa reached the top stair, put her hand on the doorframe, and gave her a look.

The look.

Anna's eyes widened. She must've seen that look before from Hans, or Kris, if he had been bold enough. Either way, it was plain to see that she understood what it meant.

"…Elsa?" she said in a tiny voice.

Elsa nodded. "It's exactly how it looks," she said sadly.

Anna took a half-step back. Elsa wouldn't have blamed her for bolting.

Elsa offered a faint smile now. "I'll try to fix it," she said. "Fix…myself. There's so many fish in the sea. I'm sure to find one who I can…" She struggled for the right word. "…Well, I'm sure I'll find one, anyway. When that happens, I'll happily introduce you to her. In person."

She began to turn away. "Goodbye, Anna," she said.

Anna grabbed her wrist.

Elsa looked at her. Her eyes were a swirling maelstrom, emotions rising and falling within them.

Mere seconds after announcing her intentions, Elsa already felt regretful. But she'd expected that. What she couldn't predict was what Anna might say next. "Anna?"

Anna pulled her into a hug.

Elsa raised her arms in surprise. Then, she hugged Anna back. Anna clutched her tightly, so she figured it was okay to do the same in return.

Even now, her body hungered for more. She longed to kiss Anna, just this once. She'd be exiting her life now - wouldn't it be okay to get a tiny sliver of what she wanted, for the road?

But no, it would be a bad idea. Anna didn't deserve to have this moment sullied just to sate her physical desire. Just as she had for the better part of a decade now, Elsa held herself back.

So the moment remained untainted, and eventually it passed. Elsa hadn't taken a step forward, so as the hug dissipated she descended those three short steps once more. She bent down to pick up her suitcase again.

"Elsa!" Anna called from the door.

Elsa looked back. Anna hadn't taken a step either. Her face was still swirling with confusion, and she was struggling to think of what to say.

"…I love you, Elsa," she said after a while.

Elsa smiled. "I love you too, Anna," she said. Reluctantly, she turned away. "I'll see you around."

Elsa blinked. Her memory dissipated, and she looked up.

The garage door was wide open, of course. Anna sat on those fated steps, waiting patiently for her. Elsa drove on in.

Well, here I am, back after all this time. And that means that sooner or later, she's going to ask me if I did what I said I was going to.

Well, maybe not. Perhaps the answer was so patently obvious, she wouldn't even bother to ask.

Elsa pulled to a stop, then popped open the trunk. Anna closed the garage door behind her, then rushed to the back of the car to help with her luggage.

As Elsa exited the car and approached the trunk, she smiled. Anna had, of course, set her eyes on the largest bag she could find, and was now tugging on it. "Let me give you a hand," she said, pulling out a smaller suitcase that was on top of it.

"Man, you brought a lot of stuff," Anna noted as she finally hoisted her target bag from the trunk.

"Sure did," Elsa said. "Everything I need for the long haul."

Anna looked at her apprehensively. "And…just how long of a haul are we talking?"

"We'll play that by ear," Elsa said cautiously. "See how it feels. For now, though, I've gotten approval to do remote work for at least a month."

Anna gasped. "A…a month?" she repeated.

Elsa cursed herself for immediately low-balling the number. "At least a month. I can get more time super easy, don't-"

Anna hugged her. "That's great news!" she exclaimed. She picked up the bag as if it were full of feathers, then bounded over to the door.

Elsa was surprised. One month was enough to produce that effect? How short had she expected her to stay? What, did she think she would just…

Yes, of course that's what she thought. It's the only logical conclusion she could come to, based on all your previous actions.

Elsa followed her sister's path, guiltily hanging her head and wheeling the suitcase behind her.

Whatever. What was past was past. She was here now, and she planned to stay as long as she was needed.

She walked up to the stairs, then stopped and looked up. Anna had passed through the door and was now holding it open for her. She looked, for all the world, exactly the same as she had those four years ago.

Elsa took a deep breath and climbed the stairs. She put her hand on the door to signal Anna to move on, and she did. Then, she strode through.

The foyer was just the same as ever. The same paintings hung on the wall, never quite straight, and the same shoes cluttered the shoe stand, unaware that two thirds of their owners would not be returning. Beyond these lay the staircase, which Anna now assaulted, determinedly hauling the huge bag up them one by one. Same old Anna.

And unfortunately, I'm still just the same, too.