"One dead duck, two dead ducks, three dead ducks… Shit! How come can you sleep like this?" asked Jace to his unconscious wife who sleep next to him. After their perfect and dreamy kiss, all that Clary did was blush and turned around refusing to see him eye to eye, she was embarrassed and she surely regretted kissing him. That was making Jace lose his head, they finally were on the same page and then she closed the book! How awful for him, but what hurt him the most was this little doubt: Why the heck did she regret it? "You, Clarissa Herondale Fairchild are a puzzle! What on earth goes trough that little redhead mind of yours, uh? Why do you prefer to act blindly at true love?" he whispered as a protest so he could make sure that the maids wouldn't hear him and think he was crazy!
Clary made a tired sound almost opening her eyes, but then the tiredness won over her and she fell asleep again, using Jace's chest as a pillow.
"Whatever, you're worth it" Jace sighed smiling, giving up to his anger and confusion. They had already taken the first step so why to rush? At least now he knew that she also felt something but didn't want to face it yet, it was enough for him all the way.
"Hello?" said Izzy at the phone sounding like she was having a lot of fun, while her brother died on the inside!
"Isabelle Sophia Lightwood Trueblood, could you explain me for the angel's sake where are you?" asked Alec about to explode because of her attitude.
"I'm at the Lewis's house!" she answered annoyed by his voice tone.
"Oh, right, perfect! You're flirting with your best friend's, who you lied to more than a year, brother while your pregnant mother cries her eyes out and I'm in process of having a heart attack!" he scolded her irresponsibility.
"With all respect, highness… You all drive me crazy! I wouldn't have left if you could just be true to yourselves one freaking second! I'm tired of you hiding your feelings, and lying and swallowing your hatred because you're brave enough to hate something but not brave enough to admit you hate it! You, mother and father are all the same, cut with the same scissor, made in the same factory and with the same material! And I can't stand it!" she yelled, Alec felt bad for Simon, when Izzy started the speech it was pretty scary.
"You're drunk, aren't you?" he said, he knew her far too well.
"Yes, but that doesn't mean anything!" she answered.
"Yes, it does. I'll be there in ten" he answered and hung the phone before she could reply something rude. He would have to beg Magnus a hundred times so he could stop his beauty dream and accept taking him to Becky's house, but it was nothing compared to what would be his reward if he did it.
"Where are you going, Alexander?" asked his father at his back.
"I'm going to pick up Isabelle from a friend's house, father" he answered, it was no use to lie to him, Robert could read his son as a book. And even worse if he was angry, this time, he was.
"Oh, right. My little pretty princess… as imprudent and reckless as her mother… You know what, Alexander? If your mother wanted to ruin my life and plans… she should've just told the Herondales all the truth… it wasn't really necessary to get pregnant on purpose making me postpone everything… but no, dear Maryse is much like me… when it comes to revenge… there's nothing she wouldn't do" he said, Alec started shivering but still felt mad about it, how could he say things like that about his own wife, the mother of his children?
"That's not true, father… she didn't do it on purpose, she has been pregnant for three months…" he reminded him.
"Exactly! And just when we get to the palace she decides to tell it to everyone! How curious…" Robert laughed sarcastically "I don't know what you may think. Son, but this sounds like betrayal to me…"Alec couldn't stand his words anymore and he kept what Izzy had said in his mind: you're brave enough to hate something but not brave enough to admit you hate it.
"You see? That was exactly why she didn't tell you in the first place! You're out of your mind, father! This little idea of yours has gone too far. I understand why you do this to the Herondales but this is your own family we're talking about… you mustn't think of us as your enemies, father" he tried to make him understand, but Robert was pretty difficult to convince.
"When you all pests show me that I can trust you, I'll see you as my family again. Remember that you're an important fact in all this matter, Alexander, don't forget who you are…" he said and walked to his room "ending" the conversation. There was something suspicious in what he had said but Alec was too tired to try to figure it out.
"Same to you, father… same to you…" Alec said low and went to Magnus's room.
'You're nothing but a player, Jonathan Herondale… a motherfucking liar… how could you do this to me? How could you? After I gave you all of me! This is how you thank me? Who do you think you are?' Aline's thoughts tortured her, that night Jace would have his first night ceremony with his wife, everyone knew it and she wasn't the exception. But she couldn't take anymore, she grabbed the glass of water that was on her night stand and threw it right on the front wall of her bedroom, watching as something perfectly well done became nothing in less than a second, what a curious metaphor.
'What's left of you, Aline Penhallow? No dreams, no hopes, nobody trusts you, nobody supports you, nobody believes in you, your life is a mess and is completely empty. No love, no life… And you're just a plain and pitiful coward and quitter… You deserve this, because you were stupid enough to reject Jace when you had the chance to have him completely …' she couldn't get out of her mind, not even her desperate tears could wake her, not even the pain of her tired eyes, not even the sound of her bedspread breaking at the strength with which she pinched the soft fabric with fingernails.
'You know that they say that you don't know what you've got until you lose it… You lost him, little loser!' she let out a furious scream and started looking for something inside of one of the nightstand drawers crazily. When she finally found the bottle of painkillers, she held it for a minute in her shaky hands wondering what would happen if she did it.
"What do you have to lose anyways?" she said with a sad laughter and took all the pills letting the pain go away as a soft summer sunset does when the night falls, then becoming into nothing.
"Highnesses? We've prepared your bath…" said Annemarie out of the room. Jace managed to open one eye and he realized that his own body was all curled up with Clary's! And it would've been wonderful if it wasn't for…
"Maybe they're still sleeping, they must be exhausted!" said Camille giggling and that obviously woke his wife up.
"What the heck…?" Clary yelled getting away from him.
"Hey, hey, wait pumpkin! It was you who used me as a pillow I have nothing to deal with this!" he defended himself, Clary started to boil with anger.
"You expect me to believe that, you motherfucking pervert? First you kiss me without permission and now you use me as your teddy bear! You're so shameless, Jonathan Herondale! I couldn't hate you more!" she screamed getting out of the bed and entering the bathroom, but her complains weren't over "My first kiss was supposed to be tender and romantic with a stupidly handsome and loving young man! And an attempted rape is what I get! Claps for you, Mr. Herondale! You've finished ruining my dreams and hopes! You fucking took my first kiss away from me like you take everything else!" she began sounding terribly angry but then Jace detected tears in her voice. He decided to make their discussion something more private, he went to the door were two pale and very shocked maids waited to help them.
"The princess isn't feeling very well, could you wait a minute so we can fix this?" he asked nicely.
"Yes, your highness" they answered with a bow and left almost running. He closed the door again and went to the bathroom.
"Clarissa, let's talk this trough, ok?" he said rubbing his tired eyes, he could've said that what she told him hadn't hurt, but that would've been the greatest lie he had ever told.
"Go away!" said Clary sobbing. "And stop calling me Clarissa; you know I don't like it!"
"Oh, I know it? You should tell it to me over and over again because I can't really understand you, Clary!" he complained.
"What on earth are you talking about?" she asked.
"First you're mad because I'm not the loving husband you deserve to have, then you say that I'll never be enough for you and you make everything so I can never get close to you, then you demand me to practically kiss the floor where you step, then you hug me, you trust me, you tell me that you'll wait for me and now that I kiss you, you hate me again! What am I supposed to do, uh? What else do you want from me?" he finished making emphasis in the word "you" so she could understand that she was pretty selfish sometimes too.
"I don't know! You're confusing me, Jace!" she cried, Jace also felt annoyed.
"Then tell me what for the angel's sake must I do?" he was totally giving away his pride and offering his heart and soul to her, what else could she want? He heard her sighing and then she stood up and opened the door. Jace's anger went to hell while seeing her so shattered.
"Is this what you want?" she asked trying to stop the tears falling from her beautiful emerald eyes, those eyes that made Jace melt to her feet.
"What do you mean?" he said, Clary wiped her tears and continued.
"Do you want to make this work? Do you want to try to please me? Or you do it just because you can't handle the fact that one person in all Idris thinks you're not perfect? Tell me… are you doing all this because you want to or just because you have to?" he comprehend what was her question, but he couldn't confess his feelings like that.
"What about you?" he asked, he also wanted to know.
"I asked first" she said annoyed.
"I asked second" he replied, typical from them.
"I don't know… but there's no use to try anything if it won't lead anywhere… so I want to know" she answered more calmly, then Jace realized it was a serious question but he didn't really know if he had to tell her the truth, what would she think? What if she didn't feel the same? She said she needed time! He couldn't say it… not like that.
"Look, Clary. I don't meant to…" he was about to say when someone else knocked the door. 'When these people stop being so imprudent will be when pigs fly!' He thought rolling his eyes and went to the door.
"I'm sorry, highness. But I have to comment you that you both have an important meeting with the Queen Mother today and you must not be late" said Amatis clearly looking disappointed and angry at him, looks like his hopes weren't the only crushed ones that morning.
"Yes, lady Amatis, we'll be out in a second" he answered looking down, as if he was having one of those flashbacks where his father scolded him for acting as a child and not a prince, he still wondered how could he scold him for acting like a child at nine years old?
"Of course, my lord" she said and left with a bow, Jace closed the door and leaned back against it running a hand trough his blonde messy locks, Clary sighed.
"Maybe we should just … stop trying… we will never get anywhere if we cannot even own our lives and selves…" she said going back to the bathroom. Jace felt like something inside him broke into pieces, that couldn't be the end of it, but it hurt as if it was. 'And how do you ask a lover to give up his feelings?'
"That unpleasing night yesterday" said Imogen clearly looking angry, Clary forced herself to look away as six pairs of accusing eyes looked at her, that didn't include Jace of course… he was far away from what happened in the room. And about the Lightwoods, Alec looked somehow tired, nervous and unpleased; And Izzy was just struggling to hide her fatigue and not to fall asleep on her brother's shoulder, obviously she had a hangover.
"Yes, majesty, I'm so very sorry… I panicked…" Clary tried to defend herself though she knew it was useless, her sweet new grandma had never been so mad at her. She also felt like dying on the inside, not because she hated Jace for "stealing" her first kiss, but because she had loved it so much! And she was so embarrassed for reacting like she had done it, she had wanted to kiss him over and over again, but she was scared that he didn't feel the same.
"Oh, princess … what a useless excuse…" said Robert laughing sarcastically, she detected something like satisfaction in his voice. "You know why royalty needs princesses and queens, don't you?" he asked surrounding the chair were she and her husband were sitting.
"If you think that women's only duty is to have children then you're more than wrong…" she replied angrily, she knew she had made a mistake, but those thoughts of him were just racist.
"And more than that, highness… is supporting and helping their husbands in any way that it's needed, you've failed your duty, princess…" but Robert was looking at Maryse, she seemed to be embarrassed and hurt while she gently rubbed her growing. What happened to everybody that day?
"I know I have, but you can't just expect me to give myself to someone I've just met and married… If you could just give me some more time, majesty… I could…" she started to beg when Stephen sighed and replied for his mother.
"Time… is the last thing that we have highness…"he said finally destroying Clary's pride"But I must admit that I understand how you feel" he finished leaving everyone shocked, even Jace looked at him worried.
"Excuse me?" said Celine next to him.
"Majesty, we were both also children in the past… we must consider that they must be feeling pressured… so I propose a suggestion which I think we will all agree" said her father in law almost smiling.
"And what is that, dear son?" asked Imogen curiously.
"No more sharing bed for their highnesses until the crown princess turns 18… I think it's the fairest and by then they both should be ready and perfectly comfortable with each other, don't you think?" Clary wanted to jump and scream in excitement but she kept her happiness to herself so she could watch carefully all the expressions in the room.
"Sounds like a good idea, majesty" finally said Maryse trying to smile, but she couldn't. Clary understood it perfectly; nobody would've dared to smile if Robert's eyes used their best death glare.
"You mean it, father?" said Jace, Clary had never heard him so surprised and yet hopeful.
"Talk to him properly, highness" Celine reminded him, Clary was a bit annoyed by that.
"It's ok, Celine. Yes, I do, son… You've both have been so busy and uncomfortable with your marriage, you need and deserve some time to think things through…" he said somehow happy.
"Thank you so much" Clary would've wanted to keep that to herself, but she was too slow for her impulses.
"You're welcome, princess" he answered with a smile.
"Well, then… nothing more to say… you're all dismissed" said Imogen unpleased but still a bit more calmed than before. They all stood up and made a bow to leave.
"Don't make him regret that, highness" said Robert to hear ear but just when she finally gave up at her rage and decided to reply he was already gone. In fact, the only ones who had stayed in the room were Jace, Imogen, her and worried Alec that tried to help his unconscious sister.
"Is my darling alright?" asked Imogen confused.
"Yes, grandma, of course! She's perfectly fine!" said Alec with a suspicious smile, and then his wrap around Izzy's arm failed and she fell to the floor hitting herself hardly, the three of them run to help her.
"You children have many things to explain…" said their grandma angrily.
After two hours of hearing his grandmother's infinite scolding, Jace went back to his own room willing to stay there and drown in his misery until his father called him for another stupid reunion with the parliament and his hateful uncle. He couldn't do more than hating everyone that day, his world was upside down! His lovable grandmother that adored him suddenly couldn't even see him eye to eye just because he didn't bedded Clary, Clary on the other hand couldn't see him because he had kissed her, his mother was completely angry just to make Imogen think he agreed with her when she was the first one that had told him that she wasn't ok with that whole situation, his uncle suddenly cared about every single thing that involved him and his wife, their cousins were left in mute, his aunt was scared to her bones because of who knew why and she agreed with his father and his father was being nice and understandable with him! What was happening? Yes, he definitely needed some rest, but fate wasn't willing to give it to him. His phone rang crazily on his nightstand showing the name of Sebastian.
"If you're calling to mock me… I'm not in the mood" he said, his friend sighed annoyed.
"Of course not, you idiot! I'm calling because you've practically killed my cousin!" Sebastian said far too quickly for being a lie.
"What are you talking about?" Jace asked confused.
"Aline is now locked in a freaking hospital room because she had a painkiller overdose yesterday! Why knows why but the last thing that she told to her mother last night was: He has taken my heart away. What did you tell her, you jerk? What did you do to her?" Jace couldn't believe what he was hearing, even when he had nothing to deal with the problem, he hurt everyone around.
"I didn't do anything, I swear! The last time I talked to her was in England, I haven't seen her since then" he tried to defend himself, but it was useless.
"You know what, highness? I always knew you were a motherfucker, but not enough to make a girl want to commit suicide…" he replied and hung the phone. Jace knew what he had to do, but he was so tired of everything, still he decided to go.
"I can't believe this! You're such a selfish person, Jonathan! Didn't you have enough of ruining my plans yesterday?" complained Clary in the limo while they were headed to the hospital. When Jace had asked the driver to take him there, he answered that Clary had decided to go visit Simon as it was her day off, but then Jace said it was an emergency, and now Clary wouldn't stop winning.
"Enough, Clarissa! I've had enough!" he almost exploded "All that I've heard since we woke up this morning is how stupid, cruel, immature and detestable I am; so if you could just have a heart for a second and lend me a little second of peace, I would appreciate that" with that tiny comment of his Clary's mouth and mind were shut for the rest of the trip. And she was still speechless when they got to Aline's room.
"I guess I'll just say hello and that's it" she said opening the door. Aline was sitting on the bed, staring at the window, they tried not to pay much attention to the hundreds of cables connected to her body.
"Uh, Aline?" said Jace, she turned her head a bit, not enough to see them both.
"Get her out of here" she demanded, Clary was shocked.
"I just came to see how are you feeling…" she tried to say calmly, but Aline's furious and yet painful words made her shiver.
"None of your business" she turned her head again to the window.
"Could you at least tell me why you hate me so much?" Clary really wanted to know, and she was far too angry that day to try to be nice with anyone if anyone wasn't being nice to her.
"Why do I…?" Aline said laughing "You wouldn't understand, little redhead… you'll never known what does it mean to lose everything you've always loved" she answered coldly.
"Oh, you really think so?" Clary felt indignant, it was her who had given up her entire world, dreams and life for her stupid ex boyfriend and she thought she didn't know what it meant to feel empty?
"Yes, I do, princess" she replied bothered, almost screaming "So, if you could just stop destroying my life I would consider not wishing you were in hell"
"Ok, hear me, missy! Is not my fault that this little movie like romance didn't go as you expected it, but I should remind you that it was you who rejected Goldilocks not me…!"
"Clary!" Jace stopped her before she could say anything more "Just leave, she's not feeling alright. You can go to Simon's now…" Clary snorted upset and whispered something like 'You two are so perfect for each other', that only made him feel even worse. He approached Aline and sat next to her. "Could you tell me what the heck you were thinking?"
"Do you know who Romeo's first love was?" she asked as her eyes filled with tears.
"What?" he asked "Aline, I don't…"
"Romeo's first love wasn't really Juliet… it was Rosaline, and by the angel… he adored her, but by a stupid mistake of hers… she lost him forever. If she had just realized how much she loved him, maybe nobody would've died in that story…" she said sadly and then she looked right into his eyes, Jace also wanted to cry but not for the same reasons "Why… did you change so fast, Romeo? What did I do so wrong that made you get away from me?" Aline sobbed.
"Aline, I don't want you to blame yourself for this…" Jace said honestly "I don't want you to be hurt, I don't deserve your tears… and this is just so complicated"
"I don't understand…" she continued, as he had said nothing "What do you love about her so much? What makes you think only about her night and day? Why can't you just see that there's a lot more than just her" he tried to wipe her tears, but still she cried as if there was no tomorrow.
"Believe me, I don't understand it either" he sighed "Maybe if I did I could make this easier for everyone… but I can't, listen to me… it wasn't my choice, it just happened"
"If it was like you say… why you couldn't just happen to love me?" she asked him.
"Because your heart is only given once, Aline. And you have no say at all when it happens…"
"I'm just so confused, Jace" she gave him a sad smile.
"About what?" he asked being surprised at how much he cared about making her feel better, maybe it was guilt, she had almost killed herself over nothing! How could he not feel guilty? How could she not hate him? How could everyone not hate him?
"About my entire life. Now, I don't know what I want anymore, I don't know what to think.. My heart as been smashed like a potato, my body has more chemicals than blood itself, my parents hate me and now you pity me… I'm done…" she said, Jace didn0t notice when did her tears stopped.
"So… this isn't just because of me?" he asked and even to him that sounded a bit selfish.
"Well, you're an important fact of my depression but… I'm sure that someday I'll get over you, I just… needed to take those words out of my chest" she confessed.
"Is there anything I can do to help?"
"Tell me…" she said leaving Jace in blank.
"What exactly?" Jace kind of felt relieved that she was feeling better but he started wondering if she had finally lost her head.
"How does it feel when you fall in love?" she asked looking at the window.
"It feels… kind of worrying, you know?" he began "Suddenly you don't know what's going on with you… everything you see, do, hear, touch or smell remind you of her… you start comparing every sensation you have with the sensation that you have when you're with her. You question yourself to no end, things like: Am I smart enough for her? Am I cute enough for her? Am I as stupid as she thinks I am?..." Aline laughed at that "or maybe things like: Will she ever notice me? Will I ever be enough for her? Will I ever get to make her happy as she deserves to be? … I don't know you just stop owning yourself. It's like you're a prisoner, you give up all your pride, your life, your hopes and give all you have to her… and even though she doesn't want them or she destroys it, you still want to be only hers. It's so stupid and illogical and embarrassing, but you're still there… dying for her and she might not ever know. And it's even worse when you fall too quickly for her…"
"So… the worst thing that can happen to you is to give someone your heart?" she asked resting her head on his shoulder.
"You learn fast, Miss Penhallow" contested Jace playfully.
"Nah, I have just experienced it before" and then came the guilt again "Now I'm sure that you're really in love with her…"
"How do you know?" he looked at her dull dark eyes.
"You've never said such ridiculous and marvelous things before" she said giggling.
"Damn, you know me" he said joining her laughter.
"I hope she makes you happy someday though" she said sounding honest.
"Really? And what about all that hatred you have?" he reminded her.
"I'll have to finish with it before it finishes with me…" she said getting away from him and laying on the bed.
"I also hope you find your beautiful curse, Aline. I really do…" he told her while he held her hand. 'So none of us will have their hearts broken again' he thought.
To be continued…
Dreamer.