"Don't you think you went a bit over the line with her?" spoke Maryse to Robert I hope that he would realize how much he had hurt Isabelle.
"That child needs discipline, Maryse. She has to know that when she behaves badly there are consequences… but still I blame myself for it, I've treated her like a princess since she was born, she doesn't know how the real world is, she doesn't know which is the path she must follow… but it's better late than never, I'll have to teach her what honor and will means" answered him with a furious tone, making his wife shiver to her bones; the baby kicked feeling his mother's tension.
"Yes, I know, my dear. But we also have to consider she has a point…" said her slowly, carefully so Robert wouldn't explode.
"Ok, what do you mean with that?" he turned to see her face to face, and she hated that; she hated to feel nothing but fear come over her every time his eyes meet hers, those eyes she had loved madly once.
"Honey, you know that Jonathan is like a brother to Alexander and Isabelle, and the thought that they could harm him someway… well, try to think about it… how would it feel if it was you who was in their place?" it was always the same discussion, but he was blinded with hatred and desire of revenge.
"I am in their place, darling. It's my own brother who I'm trying to get out of the way, the blood that runs through my veins. So what? If they're unfair and evil people then they deserve what they will get, and that's what our precious babies have to understand… no matter of much you love them, to the Herondales… love means nothing if it isn't only for themselves" answered him madly, Maryse felt tears gather up in her eyes, everyday spent with her husband was another piece of her broken heart fading away. She took a deep breath trying to calm down and say those words that she had been hiding for so long
"Haven't you thought that… maybe this isn't the best way to get what you want?" she asked shakily, terror spread all over her body while waiting for his response.
"You also, Maryse? For real? The love of my life is also trying to betray me!" he shouted loudly, she swallowed her tears and took his hands in hers trying to stop his rage.
"No, dear, of course not! I just thought that maybe there could be an easier way to do this… a less painful one... a way in which we won't be losing more than we will get" she explained herself, Robert got away to give her a death glare.
"No, there isn't, my love… Look at it this way… you want the best for your children, don't you? Then do as I say, woman! And don't you dare to question me, alright? You know nothing about anything so it's best for you to keep shut as you've always gladly done… it's the best way to stay out of problems, understood?" Robert smiled when he knew he had frightened her enough to leave her speechless.
"Yes…" she whispered with broken voice.
"Perfect" he went to the door and opened it "Oh and dear! … about your little question… there is no other way… it's the good or the easy way, and you know I'm no easy person…" he said finally and closed the door behind him. Maryse fell to the floor crying her eyes out in pure desperation, wondering where her loving husband had gone. When had he turned into that kind of monster? What would happen to her daughter and son? And the baby? How could he be so mean? What had made him hate everyone so much? Specially her…
Clary was extremely confused over her brother's note, what on earth did that last part mean? The word repeated inside her head over and over again during all the morning and she couldn't pay attention to what Professor Malik said, the doubt was driving her crazy. But she had a plan, there was only one person who could solve the puzzle for her, and even though she didn't even want to get close to her husband until she could think things through, she'd have to keep her pride in a box for hat day and take the courage to speak to him, she was willing to look for him as she took her books so she could go to the limo, but then Simon appeared.
"Hey, Fairchild! How's the hangover going, you little piece of drunken pumpkin!" he mocked her while running his hand over her red curls.
"I don't want to hear the words Tequila or Maia's little whore complex ever again in my life! Helen made those sound like hell to me!" she giggled as they went to the door.
"Well, you'll have to hear those a lot more tomorrow! Rehearsals are indeed important, darling" he answered making that foolish accent he always heard on his medieval like games.
"No, way! I'm Rapunzel, remember? I have to go back to the tower even though all I want to do is escape!" she reminded him, feeling surprised that he didn't remember that she was a legitimate resident of the palace, or rather the palace's prisoner.
"Yes, but you said that Amatis is finally behaving like an aunt and that she frees you from her stupid lessons on Tuesday; or where you lying to me, you freaking midget?" he said frightened, Clary scowled and then felt shock because she had forgotten, she really had wanted to talk to Jace that day, but considering that Jace was her husband and that she could only see Simon as often as an eclipse showed up…
"Right… I'll find a way to convince her to let me go… Now that she's the one who I have to beg on my knees for permission" those words hurt her somehow… she didn't like the thought of treating Amatis like if she was her mother. Simon took her hand as they walked through the hall, like reading her mind.
"Hey, you're not replacing her, ok? It's just that now that you don't live in her house anymore means that you need another kind of allowance… one that's very shitty and very hard to get but still it would be worse to get nothing…" he said smiling, Clary chuckled a bit and gave him a hug.
"Damn, why do you know me so well?" she tried to complain but she was more than pleased with it; Simon was like the symbol of her past life, he didn't see her as the Crown Princess, he saw her as the little girl he had met 13 years ago, his best friend, his annoying and short pumpkin, his Clary Fairchild.
"If I didn't know you well I assure you that no one would want to have that kind of annoying responsibility!" Clary laughed again and hit him softly.
"I'll be there, I promise" she was excited to hear the guys play again, how much batter would've they gotten since the last time she listened to them? Well, for what Maia had said… Simon's voice was getting much better; the miracles that aging sometimes does for us are truly a blessing.
"Oh, I'm sure of that. You know that I'll hate you for the rest of my days if you don't show up!" he said giving her a kiss on her forehead and then walking to the door.
"Look who's talking! Simon "I'll be there in ten minutes" Lewis!" she reminded him.
"That's my name, baby! Don't waste it!" he answered from the door, Clary smiled. As soon as Simon went away, she felt a sharp pain on her chest. She missed him of course but that wasn't the reason to feel such emptiness, but she couldn't stop thinking about how her life took a sudden change. Now it wasn't Jocelyn who kept her locked in her room, it was Amatis; now she couldn't go to Simon's house every Monday and go back home feeling a bit deaf because of how terrible they played, she had to go back to the palace and listen to those foolish lessons eight times each one! Now … it wasn't Simon who she ran to ask for help, she had to see Jace.
And those thoughts were kept on her mind when she got to the palace; as she had gone to the limo a bit later than usually; her husband had decided to leave without her. She wasn't surprised to eat lunch alone, she often did it. She missed hearing Luke ask her about what she had done in class, or tasting Jocelyn's love in every meal, or feeling her kiss on her cheek when she went up to her room to do homework. But luckily, it was time to call them! Luke must've been home by then, she took her cell phone out quickly, and when she was sure that the maids wouldn't hear her, she dialed her house's number.
"Hello?" answered Jocelyn, Clary smiled to herself.
"Yes, this is your daughter and future Queen speaking!" she answered.
"I was already wondering what was taking you so long, little brat!" her mother replied happily.
"Sorry… I got to the palace a bit later today…" she didn't expect lowering her voice tone, if the situation would've been different she would've said "home".
"Oh, honey. Is something wrong?" a hearing her mother's voice, Clary broke down; in the first time since she had became princess… she started crying. She had told herself that she had to be strong, that her life wouldn't end just by the fact of getting married to someone who she didn't love and that she had to change everything she had once planned to do; but still her hidden feelings won over her, she was confused, scared, lonely and homesick; the question was: how not to cry?
"I don't know what I'm doing, mama… I was once so sure about everything in my life and now I just… I know nothing anymore! I don't even know what is going on with me… The worst part is that here in the palace I have nobody to talk with, Simon has been acting so strange these days, Maia and Helen only call me to talk about their own problems and… everyone expects me to be perfect and I just don't know what to do! I'm still 17, for the angel's sake! I'm practically a kid, I can't handle this… it's too much pressure" the tears fell down to her cheeks as raindrops do on a window, blurring her eyes and also her mind. Jocelyn sighed and her daughter detected the pain when she talked back.
"My poor baby; I wish I could be there with you to support you, but I can't, sweetie… Look, Clary, the fact that your life turned upside down doesn't mean it was for ruining it, not at all! Maybe this was a sign that your path to follow was different from the one you had pictured. You've always been a brave and very mature girl, you're a fighter for nature, sweetheart, I know you can get over this! And don't let small things like that make you feel down, I know it's hard, but it just had to happen, darling! I'm sure that solutions come when you less expect them to, you just have to wait, give yourself some time; Try not to pressure you to know everything in just one second, like you said you're still a kid, it's normal for you to feel like that at your age, and even though your situation is quite more complicated, we've all went through that and gotten out of it, so if I have no doubts about you … why should you have them?" Clary took a deep breath while analyzing her words; she had so much faith in her when she didn't even know where she was stepping on.
"I guess … I am afraid about losing myself…" she confessed.
"Don't worry about that, I'll be always here for you to remind you who you are… because you may not know right now, but I have always known" she assured her, Clary smiled again, it was so relieving to talk to her mother, getting all her worries and concerns out of her heart and watching them get solved in less than a minute.
"I'm not really sure about wanting to know yet…" she giggled and so did her mother.
"It's ok, take all the time you need. And, Clary, you're not alone … We may be a little far from you but you can always call me when you're feeling down, I'm your mother, if I'm not here to support and take care of you then what is my duty in this world?"
"I know, mom… Sorry, I didn't mean to say that… I just haven't adjusted myself to the palace yet… And well, can I ask you something?" if Jocelyn said she wanted to help; Damn, she would have to help!
"Anything you want to… but let me clarify this… does it have anything to do with … pregnancy or stuff like that?" Clary felt embarrassment gather up inside her.
"No, of course not, mother! If that's what has been bothering you, well … take it easy, I'm still a virgin! "She almost shouted, Jocelyn answered nervously.
"Alright, I understood… it was just a doubt… as a mother you have many worries… But you shouldn't experience that feeling now! Not even in five years! I don't care what Imogen or Celine say! They're not getting my baby girl…" Clary shut her before hearing the last part of that sentence which she had been trying to avoid for the entire weekend.
"Can we go back to my dramas, please?" she said annoyed.
"Right, sorry. I panicked… continue" she allowed her, Clary sighed.
"Well, here's the thing … I want to know how does it feel when you like someone, like for real… when you cannot take him out of your head and it hurts you to see him sad and … and, God, you see him as the most perfect man in all the world and you'd wish you weren't such a mess so he could love you as much as you do … but you're not sure about anything and it freaks you out to make a mistake or to give yourself to him if he doesn't feel the same, and you're so worried about everything all the time because you know nothing and you want to know but a part of you tells you that you know but you don't want to face it!" she recovered her breath "Does that make sense? I mean I want to know if I'm actually feeling it or denying it or I'm just mixing everything in a big, ugly and uneatable salad!" Jocelyn took her time to answer.
"If you ask me, darling… I'd say you have just answered yourself…" she replied, leaving Clary shocked. What the heck did she meant?
"What?! But, mom! I'm absolutely clueless! Just what do you think you heard? Because I didn't really say anything that actually made sense to me!" she said angrily, Jocelyn chuckled.
"Oh, baby! You're looking for love inside your head when you should look inside your heart! Love is not a certainty, sweetie, it's the opposite… It's to have so many questions and fears, it's running right into the unknown shivering to your bones because you are not sure of what you'll find there, but you do it because you know that person is worth it, you know that you'll do anything for him… and when you're sure about how much you love him, you'll get over those fears and do the impossible for having him by your side… but it's up to you to decide to look for him, dear…" Clary was speechless, again.
"Ok, that's a bit easier to understand…" she said "Thanks, mom… I think I feel better now"
"Great, it was a pleasure to talk to her highness" said her mother happily.
"I wish I could hear those words more often. I love you mom" she said smiling.
"I love you too, my pretty princess. And remember to call me any time you need me, ok?" Jocelyn said sounding very serious.
"Sure! Bye, mom!" and she hang up. For what she had understood, she had to make sure that she felt something for Jace, and how to do that? She had to look for him right away! She thanked the maids for the lunch quickly and ran to the main hall, walking firmly to get to Jace's room, with her heart in one hand and her courage in the other, but just when she was at the door about to knock, someone stood behind her.
"Looking for someone or you just wanted to get inside my room like a meddlesome little mouse?" asked Jace behind her, her legs shook as she turned around and smiled at him, he wasn't as glad to see her as she was.
"No, I actually did want to talk to you…" Jace's eyes opened widely and then he relaxed his expression.
"You want to tell me what the only difference between the devil and me is again? I'm not in the mood…" he said passing beside her to go to his bedroom, he looked tired and disappointed. Clary grabbed him by his wrist. Jace turned to see her, feeling surprised; Clary looked like begging him for something.
"I just…" she looked down, trying to hide the appeal showing in her eyes, and also trying to find an excuse to talk to him, when she remembered she actually had one. She took a little piece of paper from her pocket and showed it to him "I need a translation" she said joyful.
"Do I have some kind of Google face or something?" he said annoyed.
"Oh, c'mon, Goldilocks! Apart from Izzy and Alec you're the only one here that speaks like 8 languages… it won't take you even a second, it's just one word!" she asked him with her best adorable look, so he couldn't say no.
"You really are such a … give that to me!" he took the paper from her hands "Well, most of it is in English… so I don't really get your point…" Clary scowled.
"At the end, Smarty-pants!" she answered.
"I'm coming" he said, Clary raised an eyebrow.
"What?"
"It says I'm coming… Erchomai" he answered; It was like a lighting the sensation she had, so sudden but still from far it looked beautiful, Clary felt her heart rush and gave him a huge surprised smile.
"That's for real?" she asked excited.
"No, not really, I just like to see how red your face gets when you're excited… Yes, it does! Don't question my wonderful abilities, Clarissa…" he gave the card back to her and Clary let out an insanely happy squeal jumping up and down.
"Oh, by the angel! Thank you so much!" Clary approached Jace to give him two tender kisses on each cheek. Then she turned around and went to her room jumping like a little rabbit.
Jace wasn't walking anymore, he was flying trough the white and soft clouds above in the sky. He entered to Alec's room feeling a little dumb because of the happiness.
"My dear cousins, isn't life beautiful?" he said almost jumping to the bed between an angry Isabelle and her tired –of- listening -to –her- winning brother.
"Beautiful, my ass! I would rather be a motherfucking plant instead of living another day as the daughter of a psycho!" luckily Jace was too lost in his own thoughts to realize what she had said.
"By Raziel… I tell you that this is the best that has ever happened to me! I never thought that I could be so happy with something so little and practically meaningless, but it was so right and spontaneous… it was perfect!" he sighed joyful; Alec and Isabelle looked at each other concerned.
"Have you been smoking weed, you damn match head?" Izzy hit him with a pillow, Jace just laughed.
"No, my darling Isabelle! I've been using a much more powerful and addictive drug!" he smiled.
"My God, he's going to end in rehab…" whispered Alec.
"I'M IN LOVE, YOU FOOLS! I'M INSANELY, IRREVOCABLY, TERRIBLE AND WONDERFULY IN LOVE!" screamed Jace while his cousin's jaws fell to the floor.
"My, my… what makes you say this?" asked Izzy trying to hide her own joy.
"She kissed me, and it was awesome!" he replied, not being able to feel anything but his rushed heartbeat.
"What? Like for real? Was it a French kiss?" she asked quickly.
"Hell no! It was right here" his finger pointed to his cheeks.
"Wow, now that's a kiss…" said Alec as sarcastic and cold as always.
"Oh, shut up, Alexander! If you and Magnus practically eat each other and call that a kiss, well that's your case! Are you looking at him? He's so freaking cute and happy!" said Izzy hugging Jace by his shoulders.
"You know who's also cute?" said Jace playful.
"No, who?" said Izzy following his game.
"Clary is!" he answered and they both laughed like teenage girls on a slumber party.
"You guys make me feel even gay-er than I already am…" said Alec disgusted, while the two freaks still squealed.
"That's great, Alec!" said Jace not caring about his complains.
"So… now you're sure she feels the same?" asked Izzy.
"Well, kind of… I'm just sure that I'm so fucking glad to be married to her! Because if I wasn't… I would propose to her right now!" he assured them.
"Woah, woah… hold your horses! So you're saying that you love her like you love dyeing your hair but you have no clue about if she feels the same?" asked Alec.
"I'm naturally blonde, you jerk!" Jace is Jace all the way.
"Yes, yes and ducks are devilish creatures, highness! Whatever, the thing is… does Clary love you?" that was how a part of Jace's heavenly feeling went to hell.
"Let's say that she could be starting to like me…" Izzy clapped happily "… as a person" his cousins snorted disillusioned.
"Guess that's better than nothing…" Isabelle tried to make it better.
"But you know what? I don't care! She can have all the time she needs and wants! I know that sooner or later she'll find out that… I'm not the kind of person she thinks I am… and when she finally sees that my heart as been hers from the beginning she'll come running to me! You all unfaithful motherfuckers will be speechless!" he assured them firmly.
"Okay, okay… we understood… just don't let her hurt you if…" Izzy shook her head like telling him 'shut up, stupid; it's enough, support him!'
"If…?" asked Jace.
"If she bites you when she kisses you… I don't know how girls work but Magnus is a freaking animal when…" they both complained before Alec could finish talking.
"Too much information, bro…" said Izzy hitting him on his arm.
"Hey, hey! I'm trying to teach you something important here! You brats don't know anything about sexual education and someone has to be sure that you know everything about it! Mr. I'm sexy and I know it has already been given the obligation to procreate an heir and I'm not even sure about if he knows how babies are born!" he took Jace by his arm and rubbed his head, ruining his perfect blonde locks.
"And how can you know that, Alexander?" he asked annoyed.
"I have a sister and a pregnant mother, you don't know how hard life can be around girls!" Alec laughed while Izzy hit him. Jace smiled to himself, it was just like the old times; The three of them playing, joking to no end, almost bruising each other, but still taking care of each one as siblings, not princes form two different families that actually should've been one, at that moment they were just Izzy, Alec and Jace.
When Clary got to her room she grabbed her phone and dialed Simon's number. She fell on the bed and laughed stupidly like thirteen year olds do when their happy about something.
"… God, Maia! Helen's microphone is killing me! Do something about that infernal sound!" he protested and then answered "Hey, pumpkin! Aren't you supposed to be with Amatis solving the mystery about why did King William hated ducks so much?" joked Simon.
"And shouldn't you be composing another cheesy song for the band? Yes, we all have responsibilities, Simon! But I thought you should know a little something I've just found out!" she replied.
"Oh, you finally realized that your husband's a freak? Thank God for that!" Clary scowled.
"The opposite, my friend. You remember my brother's puzzle message I told you about?" she asked.
"Yeah, it was something like Elmo-knows-where-you-live or something".
"Erchomai, yes, well it turns out that my husband is actually good when it comes to languages…"
"But not when it comes to women or behaving humanly" Simon ended, Clary didn't listen to him.
"And guess what does it mean!" she said smiling.
"I don't know maybe… get divorced? Your brother has always been an enigma for me, you know that!" he complained.
"It means I'm coming" she said excited, Simon took his time.
"Ok… I remind you that we've heard that in only one kind of anime… and it's not something that a brother should say to a sister if we're not talking about incest physical relationships…" he said.
"No, you knucklehead! It means that my brother is coming back!" Clary hadn't felt so complete in years, her brother was an important part of her and when he left, he had left her broken and sad, but he was finally coming home!
"Are you sure? I wouldn't trust Prince Goldilocks so much, Clary…" there he goes again; Simon, always so sweet and dumb and jealous Simon.
"Oh c'mon! Jace knows how important is Jonathan to me… he wouldn't lie about something like that!" she told him feeling bothered by his attitude.
"You see? That's what I've been trying to tell you! Since that fucking first night ceremony all you've said is Jace is like this or Jace does that, Jace, Jace, Jace! I'm tired of it! If you hate him so much why don't you just stop talking about him all the time? If I didn't know you better I'd say that…"
"You'd say what?" Clary wouldn't handle his scolding much longer.
"No, never mind… it's stupid… you're smarter than that…"
"You'd say that I'm falling in love with him? That's what you thought, wasn't it?" she threatened him, he sighed.
"No, Clary… I just…" he tried to explain himself but Clary was also angry about his attitude.
"You know what? I'm also tired of your Mr. Knows it all comments, instead of supporting and helping me solve my doubts you've created an even bigger mess! If you think that I'm so stupid because I love him then your concept of best friend is completely wrong. You should be more than understanding with this! I'm also a person, Simon, I can feel stuff and I can love and I'm free to love anyone I want to! And that, my friend, is none of your freaking business so if you could just leave your nonsense and irritating jealousy aside for only one minute of your whole pathetic life and listen to me before judging me, I would appreciate that!" Simon sighed and then answered.
"No, Clary. I don't think you're stupid for loving someone… I think you're stupid because you don't realize that the only person who has loved you since the moment he saw you and would do anything for you is right in front of your nose" he didn't seem angry anymore, he sounded … sad?
"And who the hell is that?" she asked.
"I don't know! Maybe your shitty best friend who knows absolutely nothing about you and has no right to tell you nothing! Maybe the selfish and unnecessary jealous freak that has shared everything with you! Maybe… the only fool whose heart you've always had on your hands and now you've just broken".
To be continued…
Dreamer.