"Jonathan, are you listening to me?!" Stephen hardly ever raised his voice with Jace, it was pretty clear that much people were always there to scream at him 24 hours a day, and he still didn't care enough; but recently, it was hard to deny that both Crown Princes seemed to be just out of the world, as if nothing but what was inside their tortured minds and hearts existed.

"Prince, his majesty has asked you something…" Hodge, as always, tried to make things easier… for everyone, yes, including him.

"I heard him loud and clear, more loudly I should say…" Jace got up from his seat and walked to the window, the day was beautiful, the first summer rays making their way through the thick clouds, the soft breeze blowing the leaves of the colorful trees; in other occasion, Jace would've smiled at such sight, but this time… he couldn't feel a thing.

"Then why on Earth are you acting like this?" his father was usually calm, he thought to himself and then corrected himself as well, he usually didn't give a damn about a thing but work, but lately he seemed to be angry and nervous about each thing that happened around them.

"Because I can…" was what he answered, not even trying to sound nice or pleased.

"No, you can't… and especially not with me, Mister… Hodge, you're dismissed" he was using his dictator voice, that meant that Jace was screwed.

"Yes, majesty…" Jace didn't need to turn to know what Hodge was doing, he showed a worried expression looked from him to his father, nodded as he replied, bowed and left… not knowing another home but the palace, he could anticipate every single one of everyone's moves… except for one person, no, not a person, but the person…. His heart ached as he thought of her, her smile, her sighs, the sound of her sweet laughter, the way the wind seemed to dance around her curls when they walked through his grandfather garden… and then the memories turned also into pain, seeing the anger on her angel face, the furious tears falling down his eyes, and his own feeling of emptiness, not being able to do a thing about it; the night when Clary had ended all, was the first night in many years that he had cried until falling asleep, but as each tear fell, the pain grew bigger, and it was so big by then… that he couldn't cry anymore.

"I thought that after being so permissive with you, your attitude would change, highness… but I'm starting to believe that being spoiled and rude is part of who you are…" really, again? Stephen was running out of reproach ideas or had those words turned into something daily?

"That sounds pretty real to me… but you know what part of whom I am is also? I'm your son, and curiously, you've never noticed about that…. Ironic, uh, father?" he didn't say that as loud as he had wanted to, but still created the same effect.

"Don't start with your childish accusations, we're trying to solve some serious problems here but your mind is focusing only in your own problems, as always… I've tried to ask you nicely but you're ending with my patience…" why was he so mad anyways? If he truly thought that Jace had always been such a mess, what did it still make him feel indignant?

"Well, then… do as you please with me, be honest once in your life, father… Give me what I deserve…" he challenged him, being sure that he'd hurt him some way and not minding at all; nothing could harm him more than what the person had already done.

"I've never laid a hand on you, and I'm not going to start today; but if you don't start taking your responsibilities more seriously I'll consider that… And look at me when I'm talking to you!" suddenly, Stephen was behind his son, grabbing him strongly by his shoulders and making him turn, and Jace saw a version of himself… a part of him that he knew existed, but didn't want to accept.

"Actually, looking at you is one of the biggest tortures I've ever had to face…"He forced his eyes not to go down, to held his father's glare, to let go of the feelings that had gathered inside his hearth since he could remember, and looking at him as he said so; Stephen's face softened for a while.

"If you behaved yourself sometime, seeing me wouldn't be a torture…" and it hurt that he didn't know the real reason why it was so hard for him.

"No, no that's not it… and if you truly knew me you'd know that, but you've never given yourself the chance to do so, have you? You didn't stop to see me for real before you hated me, exactly the way you did with mother… And why wouldn't you? I'm more her son than yours, and you don't notice! What's worse, you don't care…" a knot started to take shape on his throat, but he refused to give in, he didn't deserve his tears.

"Don't speak in between lines, Jonathan…" oh, so he didn't want to read in between lines either?

"All you say to me all the time, is that I make so many mistakes that I'm turning into one, that if I'm not one to you already; you never see how hard I try to be the person everyone expects me to be, when that's not even a bit of who I want to be! All the concept you have of me is that I'm a disaster, that I have no mending, and I know that's true but I've tried! But how can I succeed? You never even thought about being a father for me and yet I'm calling you that… but you're not, a father should be the man that loves his child more than anything… but what's love to you? All of you? If I fail at everything, shouldn't you consider yourself a bit guilty about that? Just a tiny bit?" he didn't know how he managed to take all of that out of his chest, and then he realized, Clary had been the apocalypse, she had been the gate for him to let out all of what was hidden, and now that she was gone… why should he try to keep anything inside?

"I'm sensing that you're mixing things up and blaming it on me, what exactly happened with Clarissa?" God, no one on the entire world could be so blind! So uninterested, so heartless…

"You, you happened! Grandfather and Phoebe happened! Your lover happened! Mother happened! The lies happened! This stupid throne and crown happened! But I never did! No one ever saw me like Jace, all you saw was the heir of a curse… and you tried to turn me into what you are! And because of that… I'm nothing…" but it wasn't him who turned away, it was Stephen, because those words said no more than the truth.

"I've explained you more times than I can remember, that this life wasn't easy…" now he was the hurt one? What right did he have to be?

"This isn't a life, father! This isn't real, this isn't correct, this isn't fair! And that's the only thing I've always wanted but no one has ever tried to give me… and when I was starting to make it come true… it all comes back and takes it away from me…" Jace could feel the burn of those words, how the blood rushing through his veins turned into fire, burning himself down with his own actions.

"What could I've done?" now, that was the question that summed up all of his life.

"Being a man, not this sick, foolish version of a king and husband you think you are… You try so hard to cover up your mistakes that you end up making them even more evident! And you made me believe I was one of them… I know it's too late to ask for your loving, father, but at least you could say out loud that you know that someone has taken it away from me and that I'm dying because of it…. Or maybe you could've said it to me before…" Jace sighed, swallowing all desire to disappear into tears.

"There's many things I've wanted to say to you, be more specific…" he ran a hand through his hair, a hint that the conversation was about to be over.

"That love was never meant to be granted to us… at all…" and that, was part of the curse for Jace.

As for Clary, she wasn't feeling better either. Though Simon and her other friends wouldn't stop calling, secretly and for a short time of course, she only answered a few times; the questions were always the same: are you okay? Can we do something for you? Should we tell somebody? Does your mother know? …well, that last one only from Kirk, and the replies repeated the same way: yes, no, no … and for the last one: is that what you're going to ask?

She just couldn't believe that something like that had happened to her, who never thought she'd be able to love somebody that much, especially if that somebody was Jace Herondale… the things she had said after he had met him ran through her mind constantly, over and over again it was: I'll never love that motherfucker, ever in my life… she should've listened to herself, anyways, in this world you're always alone and you can't trust anyone; and the first part of that teaching became much more literal, she didn't want to see anyone because they'd start asking questions, when she wasn't at the Academy she just locked herself inside the bedroom, being afraid of seeing Jace and getting weak all over again, that if she was not weak already… all life had been drained from herself, she felt tired, hopeless… and every time she told herself that things would get better, she started crying, 'How? How exactly is it going to get better? Don't you know how much you love him? Wake up, life wasn't meant to be happy and perfect… this is the life you have now… and you have to hang on' but she didn't know how to hang on, all she was doing was avoiding the situation, avoiding people, but what she couldn't hide was her pain. Why did it have to be him? Why did that happen to her? Why did she have to fall in love with him when he felt nothing? She needed answers, but there was nobody around to give them to her, not even music that is a shelter to us all, all the songs she listened to just seemed to reproduce all what she kept on the inside:

'My heart is broken; sweet sleep, my dark angel. Deliver us, from sorrows hold, over my heart.'

And the worse thing was that she had to keep pretending that everything was alright, that nothing had happened, because if someone found out it would be the end for everyone, the rumors would start, the Queen would go mad and send her to the gallows, and believe me, for her that was a real possibility. So, on the interview they'd have the next day with Michael Wayland, as Izzy and Alec had had before, she'd have to lie and swallow all of her feelings once again, what else could she do?

"Highness… a call from Mr. Lewis, you have five minutes, that's all I can offer" whispered Amatis from the door, lately, she was much nicer with her, as her role of "governess of madness" had been taken away from her by her royal majesty. She walked over to her slowly, head down she didn't have enough energy to keep it up.

"Thanks, I won't take long" she promised, trying to smile, but her cheeks were hardened because of her drying tears.

"Clary, your parents won't stop asking me about you and I'm running out of ideas, and I know that's very hard to believe considering I'm such a genius… really, pumpkin, you need to talk to them." Once again, he said what she already knew, but she knew things would get ugly if Jocelyn or Jonathan took part in what was happening, they'd never forgive Jace, and deep inside her she couldn't bear the thought of someone hurting him, even if that meant protecting the selfish son of a bitch against her own blood.

"I can't right now, Simon… I'm meant to be getting ready for tomorrow's interview, I don't have time, and I myself don't know how to explain this clearly either… My head's not working these days…" that excuse was really small for all the things she felt.

"…Gosh, and they're still asking you to fake smiles and lie to everyone? I told you a thousand times that those people were evil, Clary… but I know your mind isn't able to process an "I told you so" anymore… and I'm sorry I add more problems to your list, but it's your own family we're talking about, you cannot cover up the Herondales forever, nobody can, and not even you should try it…" now, that was something new to hear.

"Well, tell me what can I do? The thought of getting an idea of how to end with this would be the next love of my life!" oh, if only she could love an idea more than the stupid Crown Prince!

"Recalling how many times you've actually listened to me, Clarissa Adele, I should really start considering to shut the hell up when I'm with you and just nod like a trained monkey or something… and this may sound crazy and impossible for you and I know you're not going to do it and you'll hate me forever…!" had she left him that traumatized, for real?

"Get to the point, four eyes!" still, she giggled for a while, feeling better for just seconds.

"Clary, why should you hide it anymore? Isn't royalty's duty to be honest and protective with their people? If you know something's wrong, it's because it had to happened and it has to be finished, you cannot let them do whatever they please with people and still tell everyone that they're the perfect descendants of Angel Raziel, and I know I'm no Saint to put them on evidence, but… I'm afraid they'll continue to hurt you, that they'll end you… for the Lord Sake's, pumpkin, you're inside far too many hearts to let them kill you, on the inside of course…" and as he explained so, she realized, that she had been blaming only the main character of the novel for the disaster; if Jace was the way he was, it was because he had been taught to be so, and nobody dared to say the horrible things that happened inside the palace because they were afraid… but she wasn't part of the palace and its people, that was absolutely clear.

"Ok, that sounds fair but… How on Earth I do that?" she just needed a discrete way of proceeding.

"Tell everyone you won't be their puppet anymore; let them know you're done with it… It'll hurt, pumpkin, but it's your broken heart versus the rest of your life… they already took so much from you, but they have no right to take it all…" No right to take it all, of course not, she had already suffered so much, what else did they want?

"You're right, you've always been… this ends tomorrow, Simon, I won't keep it up…" she assured him; still knowing the tears won't stop falling, but the pain would turn into anger, and the scars on her heart would become another layer of it, becoming stronger.

But what she surely knew was that Jace would always be there to flay those layers, the next day, as Clary had promised, was when she'll put limits on the Herondales doing about her life; she hadn't been able to sleep or eat while thinking about it, it was an insane idea, but she couldn't stand the fact that they were harming her that much. A feeling of deep anger blurring all of her common sense, the line was about to be crosses, and she was willing to cross it, why shouldn't she? Jace had done it before, only God knows how many times…

"Highness, the Prince is waiting for you inside your transport…" Hodge appeared at her room's door, they never talked much, once she had thought that Hodge was for Jace what Amatis was for her, so obviously he spent more time with him; how cruel, the angel from her dreams played with so many people, and yet… he was loved honestly.

"Tell him I have made some changes, we'll be going separate ways, Hodge, thank you anyways…"in her entire life she had sounded so emotionless to herself, there was no hint of all what she held inside in what she said… that, must've been good.

"Yes, princess…" he bowed and quickly left.

"If her highness allows me, I think this changes you've made are pretty radical… and I don't mean to be bothersome, but I think I'd understand and help better if I knew what happened…" and that was why she hadn't spoken to anyone but her friends about the happening that had destroyed all of her recently built confidence, like Amatis, they'll pressure her to talk; still, after that day, they'd sure have found out something.

"All you need to know you'll know, Amatis… that's what you've taught me anyways…" she got up from her bed and walked to the mirror, Magnus had done some miracles for her to look, not perfect, but better than what she usually looked; her eyes didn't glow the way they used to, and if the light of the room hadn't shone on her body, it could've been easily mistaken by just a skeleton, she sighed. "Let's end with this, the faster the better…" she passed her by, not allowing her to say one more word.

When she got to the studio, things happened really quickly, Jace entered the room a bit later than her, she could sense his eyes focusing tirelessly on her, like begging for her to look back at him, but she couldn't… a choice had been made and she couldn't take a step back just like that, it wasn't exactly revenge what she was doing, not for her, it was more like freeing a tiny bit of her heart from that permanent sorrow she couldn't forget about. Michael greeted them, her smile never showed as he had hoped, they took their places, the assistants placed the microphones were they had to be, Jace's breath became slower, and though she had hoped for him to say something, she knew that nothing real would come out from that mouth the adored.

"Hello everyone, and as always thank you for watching. Today, I'll ask you to welcome the future Kings of our beautiful Idris, Crown Prince Jonathan and Crown Princess Clarissa Herondale…" the audience clapped and cheered for them, if only they knew that they admired a lie, so unfair.

"Thank you all, a pleasure, Michael…" Jace spoke with his "on public" voice, that voice that nobody could resist, and she asked herself how come could she anticipate every move he made.

"It's our honor to have you here, highnesses…" he kindly replied with a smile, Clary's eyes left the floor for the first time since she had gotten there she tried to smile once again.

'Just for one last time, Clary, be strong… at least, end with it…' she tried to look to all of her people's faces, so excited, so happy about something they didn't know at all. "Thank you, I feel very pleased to be here…" she tried to use an expression that sounded at least a bit believable.

"And there's much things you should be pleased about, highness, as we all know there's only a month left for you eighteenth birthday, and we're very excited about it" the crowd seemed to love her, or who they thought she was.

"Well… I had forgotten about it honestly…" all the people laughed along with them "You know, Michael, when you take part of such an important position, one cannot always think about himself…" Clary's eyes met Jace's for a moment, then she continued "… or herself of course."

"I agree, highness… you seem to have learnt about your responsibilities very well, and so fast!" such a flatterer.

"I do what I can, but you must know that the palace is a place where you always must give all of you in order to do things the way there's supposed to be… and I tell you this is no easy duty…" her voice tinged with hidden fury.

"Understandable, my lady, very understandable… What do you think about this, prince?" as Clary had done, Michael also saw Jace's uneasy but silent response to what she had said.

"I think that… the princess has explained very well what it's like to be part of the royalty, but that's just what we must do, we always have to make sacrifices and take difficult decisions to guarantee the peace of our nation… and if we're not willing to give some things up then… we're not where we're meant to be…" so strange, to hear him hesitate. Give some things up he said, what had he given up? He had continued with his Don John life while she gave all of her existence to him and he was the one who talked about sacrifice?!

"It seems to me that their highnesses are very aware of what's to come for them… and, if I may say so, the support between a couple is always an important fact of it, and this fact must be essential when talking about you both… how's marriage treated you?" he smiled, the people became uncomfortably silent after his question. That was the sign that Clary had been waiting for.

"Marriage is… must be one of the best experience every man and woman should have, Michael… for me, it has been great to get to share my life with someone else, although things get complicated sometimes…" and that was it, no more pretending, no more lying.

"The problems are always there, the thing is that… you cannot always see them, because what may seem good and normal to some people are not to other people; I think we can all agree that his highness and me… are different, a lot different in much of the attitudes and actions that make us who we are… and that's why we… we have been forced to…" her heart stopped at that second, like asking her one more time if she was sure about it, Jace's stare pierced trough every layer… but she turned her back at her heart and let her sorrow speak after so long of keeping it shut "… think about divorce…" her voice became lower, but enough for everyone to listen and start whispering things and gasping.

"That's a very serious matter. Is it true, highness?" Michael sure had thought of saying many things, but those things he wasn't able to say so. But what shocked her most was what her husband replied.

"That's true…" suddenly, his hand was over hers, holding it tightly, but not as if he had wanted to hurt her, just as if he needed some strength he didn't have. "It's very true, and I'm not going to lie… our lives have become more difficult than we thought they would be, we've been forced to do and think about so much for our age, and I know that isn't an excuse, especially for us… but I do believe that we're better together than alone, and I know that my wife thinks that as well, as long as we're together… we'll be able, not to avoid what gets in the way, but to make it easier to handle" their eyes were finally able to meet, her heart said: 'I wish that wasn't true…'

"Now I'm relieved of hearing that! All of us, aren't we?" The crowd clapped and cheered again, but the world was gone for Clary, no one could be that good of an actor… but he couldn't feel that way either… or could he?

The interview ended faster that she had expected it to, and for the rest of it, she didn't open her mouth for a second, she drew herself as far as she could from Jace and drown inside her own confused and twisted thoughts, things didn't get easier and she felt emptier each time she repeated his words. When they were finally done, she didn't turn to see him or replied when he called her name, she just ran away in tears and fear, feeling so lost…

"Highness, please don't run…" it surprised her that Amatis could continue with her duties knowing she felt so bad, but she didn't listen, she wanted to get as far away from him as possible, she run to the palace's gates breathless and opened the main door herself with the strength she didn't know she had and the energy she really lacked at that moment, suddenly she was waking trough the endless halls, her mind warning her that someone was coming after her, and later those sounds became real and noticeable along with her sobs.

"Clarissa, for the angel's sake, hear me! "He grabbed her by her wrist, making her turn, her heart shrank at the thought of those gorgeous eyes telling something that wasn't true, she didn't believe it… but what could she believe in?

"Let go of me… you once told me I was imprudent but it's really you who doesn't have a clue of what he's saying! When will you stop lying, Jonathan? When will you have a bit of shame to accept that something's wrong?!" she could hardly talk with the fury of her cried.

"And when will you stop being so hardheaded and listen to me? You really think that I was lying when I said that? How could I ever deny the fact that you are what's most important to me?" he had never seemed so desperate before, as if he needed her forgiveness to continue living.

"Stop it; I'm tired of your bullshit! You cannot call love to those sick thoughts of yours! You know that what has happened up until now wasn't real for a second!" his touch felt like hot wax on her skin, it hurt at the beginning but later it was somehow pleasant.

"What's love to you then? If giving my heart, soul, thoughts, past, future and hopes to you isn't love, what is it, then? Tell me!" those tears he tried so hard to hold inside his eyes were killing her, she knew that it hurt for her more than for him.

"I loved you though you stole all the life I had, I loved you though I was always alone when you weren't there, I loved you though everyone was trying to change who I am, I loved you though all the people who loved you hated me, I loved you though I was losing all of me, I loved you though you didn't love me… I loved you endlessly and with all I had… but you don't see how hard it was for me, you just take everything as if it was yours!" she tried to hit him with her hands, but she forgot how strong and fast he was, her weak attempts of harming him became the most painful embrace she had ever experienced.

"Clary, I never wanted to take those things away from you… I wanted to give you all of me but if I didn't do enough, I'm terribly sorry… just let me explain, I know I have no excuse for causing those awful things but I have no life if you're not in it…" he spoke with his lips next to her forehead, placing gently kisses at every chance he had, Clary felt as if her soul was melting into tears.

"You have no life at all, Jonathan Herondale… you have no heart…" she had taken a lot of hard decisions during those almost eight months of her life, but getting away from his arms, the beat of his breaking heart, the familiar warmth and affection that she could only find with him, was too much to let go of.

"Princess, are you alright?" asked Camille when her maids saw her entering the room, breathing huskily, her cheeks showing more tears and pain than color itself, she wasn't trying to hide her sobs anymore, why to try? They'd end up knowing anyways. She leaned against the hall, feeling as all the strength she had left faded; she had been running through the halls like a prisoner, trying ironically to escape from the jail that had become home for her.

"… She looks sick…maybe we should… doctor" she only caught glimpses of what Annemarie said, she raised her gaze up to them, scared, her thoughts were becoming all she heard 'I can't, not anymore… it's too painful…'

"Highness … at me… feeling ok?" Camille was holding her by the shoulders, but she felt no touch, just how her beats became slower; she blinked several times to clear her view, but every time her eyes opened, they looked like a fresh painting being stained with water. She tried to speak, but she was too tired for her voice to come out, her legs became weak as she grabbed her hand as tightly as she could.

"… Fever, she cannot be on her feet… to take… the nursery…" she only felt one slight touch of a hand on her forehead, but lost the feeling on her legs.

"What's happening?!" suddenly a tall, fancy dressed figure appeared inside the room, his voice showing panic as he approached to help her. She wanted to tell Magnus something, anything, he was one of the few people that did understand her; he had loved and lost also. After he was standing in front of her a sharp pain punched her on her stomach which managed to bring her down completely, she knew she had fell to the floor but she felt nothing, nothing more than floating in the air like dust. "Hear …, be alright, ok? … Don't… sleep!" Magnus said; she tried to giggle. 'Not to sleep? But I'm exhausted, of everything… I might as well sleep forever' the pain spread through her entire body, and just when her eyes were about to give up totally, the golden aura of an angel managed to catch her attention. But after him, all she saw was darkness, and on the insides she begged for some light to appear.

It was kind of surprising how her eyes opened again all by themselves, her body still hurt and it felt heavier than usual, as if she had been smashed by the air pressure or something, she tried to move a hand but stopped when she felt something cold and plastic like was laying on top of her arm, she recognized the room painted of white, healing runes everywhere with the intension of calming any illness that someone could feel, but in a moment like that they seemed pretty useless for her. A slim, graceful figure was at the window looking out, her pale blue eyes looking as if she was expecting something or someone…

"What happened?" her voice came out softer than she had expected. Amatis turned to meet her stare, showing an unpleased expression, definitely not what one is used to see being so sick.

"You starved yourself for almost a week; that was what happened…" she got up from the couch and sat on the edge of the bed, something somehow improper of her, but when Clary was able to see her clearly, she seemed worried for real. "Say hello to your new best friend serum, you've become really close since yesterday…" she pointed at the tube injected to her left wrist.

"Oh… so that's why I felt so disgusting while I was out…" she tried to chuckle a bit, but damn it felt as if her belly had been burnt with acid, which was probably what had happened but using more medical terms.

"I'm pretty sure that's not all of it…" she crossed her arms to her chest; Clary sighed.

"I feel like a vampire swallowing holy water every time I mention what happened… please just don't make me say it again…" it even hurt trying to cry.

"Your references to feelings are special, aren't they? But I'm forced to make you speak about it, highness… all of the fuss you created yesterday, divorce is a word that has never been mentioned by the monarchy of Idris, not ever…" still, she had to admit that her reaction was calmer than it should've been or usually was.

"I think I've made very clear that I'm the disaster of the Herondale Family… actually if I wouldn't have a name that's probably how everyone would call me… but I'm still too almost dead to destroy my self-esteem more than her majesty does already…" she looked away from Amatis' curios face.

"I know it's hard for you, it has always been but now it has become even more difficult and I'm not quite getting why would that be, highness? I'm trying to help you but you run away like a rebel without a cause… I'm not trying to deprive you from privacy but… if this problem has become so big to make you unintentionally commit something close to a suicide… you should speak about it with someone…" her tone was the one her mother used when she was a child, when she was afraid of the dark, after her and Valentine fought, when her brother had left home; try to make her comprehend the reasons and calm her at the same time.

"I just… can't seem to find myself anymore… I sincerely thought I was better than this… that I could… do this, you know? Do it my own way and do it right. But every step I take is a mistake, and they keep telling me to be the best of who I am, but I'm not what they say I must be and I don't want to be because… something inside here is wrong, Amatis, I don't know yet what it is completely… I've only got clues about it, but I feel like I take step back every time I uncover the truth rather than going forward… and believe it or not I've tried to be a good princess… but they're asking me to be someone I'm not… to forget that I'm worth something, and that I can make a change… they don't want a change…" after such "unintentional something close to a suicide" like that, it was almost a deception for her to be able to cry again, over the same damn thing.

"The law is hard but it is the law… the system cannot be changed overnight, Highness…" this time, she was the one who looked down, hiding a memory that had just crossed her mind at that second, Clary read that trough her uneasy expression.

"But to put the law over a person's life, Lady Amatis? …. If what they do can be called law, to me they're just their whims… doing anything they want to without caring for others, because they're sure nobody will say "no" to them…"Amatis stood up from the bed, becoming uncomfortable because of the turn the conversation had taken.

"It's not always like that… you heard what the Prince said… sometimes they must do sacrifices for the good … of the majority…"it was weird on her to hesitate with words, or rather… feelings as if those were hard to say.

"And let that one, meaningless heart be broken, right?" something inside Clary's mind was becoming clear, like when you clean a car window after a rainy day.

"When you have a country on your hands, you cannot forget about all those dreams to pursue only yours…" now she was the one crying, and it also hurt Clary, but she needed to understand what was it like what she had lived so it didn't happen to her.

"It doesn't have to be that way. You could've been happy, made him happy so he could make better choices… But none of you dared to do something about it…" she couldn't believe she was saying so.

"What could have we done? His life was written already, I was just an obstacle on his way that had to be eliminated…" she had heard something like that before. '… it couldn't be anymore, and we went our separate ways… but I never blamed him or myself for it… he had his priorities and I had mine… maybe we just weren't meant to be, still I don't regret it… he'll always be the great love of my life'

"And you had to watch King Stephen get married and have a son with somebody else? Never being happy again?" she also cried her eyes out, she wouldn't bear to have her heart shattered in such way and still stay there to see how other people burnt its tiny pieces into ashes, trying to keep on living.

"You see, highness… the first love makes you grow, but the last completes you… Could I have lived without that part of myself? I couldn't even think about it… with time I understood that… It was better to have him that way, that not having him at all…"

To be continued…

Dreamer.

Sorry for updating up until now, but school and stuff! Leave your comments, love ya! :D