It had been a good day, Izzy said to herself. Everyone had fun, laughed and ate a lot, Jace and Clary had gotten over whatever had happened to them and Simon's band caught much attention between the hundreds of assistants; yes, a perfectly nice day, it had to end as well as it had started. It was past midnight when the guys decided to leave and she was walking Simon to the palace's gate, both of them smiling.
"That definitely was the best birthday Clary ever had, I guess I'll have to thank your cousin later…" he said happily even though he'd never admit it.
"That if your tongue doesn't refuse and jumps out of your mouth" Isabelle giggled and he did as well.
"Well it'll have to be back some day! I'm a singer anyways, and a terrific one!" was his "conclusion", his girlfriend approached and looked at him steadily, making his bones feel like plain water, Izzy's stare was like looking at a sky full of stars, so dark and yet so beautiful that it melts your heart.
"You're also a terrific best friend, brother … and boyfriend" she gave him a little kiss "I haven't felt this calm and happy for months, I guess I can only feel safe and real when you're around…" Izzy told him and caressed his cheek.
"Thank you for that but, I know that my girlfriend Isabelle Sophia is the strongest and most beautiful girl on the world, you never needed anyone to be so…" Simon's words provoked for guiltiness to build up inside Isabelle's chest, what she didn't really need was for somebody else to remind her everything that was not true about her.
"No, I'm not really that special, you should know that by now…" in other situation and if her expression had shown another feeling than worriedness, Simon has been a bit hurt because of such response.
"Hey, as my cheesy best friend foolishly said, I'm not talking about the Lightwood princess, ok? I'm talking about the true Isabelle, that one who's always there for those who need her, the one who has a warm heart that would do anything for whom she cares about, the one who's always funny, sweet, kind and lovely… I'm talking about my Isabelle, the girl I love…" there was just no hesitation on his voice, not a bit of worry or embarrassment; but Izzy's heart simply broke in two.
"What?" wasn't what he had expected but also the only thing she could reply.
"I said that I love you, for real…" it wasn't time for his joking, Izzy assured herself, but he just couldn't say that…
" No… no, don't say that again, no, I can't…" she began breathing heavily.
"Why not?" Simon took both of her hands lovingly, trying to calm her.
"Because… you don't know who you've fallen in love with…" she was crying, what did that mean?
"Of course I do, if I didn't I wouldn't have said a thing; what's wrong, Izzy?"
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry but… I can't do this" she walked away from him without a word. What the hell had that been? Was it too soon? Probably not, and shouldn't she be happy about it? What was happening to her lately that she was so unsure about everything? Something was awfully wrong inside that palace, but not even those who were inside of it knew how big of a deal it was…
"There is a reason why I'm a painter, not a dancer, not an actress, not a writer… a painter! Does no one in this place understand that?!" Clary had an annoying block, writing a speech shouldn't be so difficult, but when it came to impressing Queen Celine, it was one hell of a task! She didn't know if their relationship had improved or gotten worse, but definitely something changed inside of her mother in law since the last time they talked ; still her last work as a student in Queen Celine's "How to be a perfect princess military school" was still waiting to be done, the delay was somehow understandable… Vacation, then fights, drama, sicknesses, discovering better untold truths, finding ways back into love, more drama, her schedule had been really crowded! Still, she couldn't get away from it with those pitiful excuses… She just needed a tiny bit of inspiration to explain all that she had lived while being the next Queen Consort of Idris, but how to get that?
"They get crazier and crazier every time! I understand mom's menopause, but dad's andropause?! That's more hormonal instability than I can take!" a very wrathful Jace came into the room walking from one side to the other, Clary made her chair turn so she could face him and crossed her arms.
"You don't knock, you don't call… what exactly makes you think you can come in here unannounced whenever you want to?" she said with sneer.
"I … I thought we had gotten over this!" he replied annoyed and sighed. Clary giggled unable to keep up with her show.
"We did, I just happen to love your "You give me hell" look…" his wife smiled lovingly.
"It's incredibly hot, isn't it?" Jace, unlike her, was very good at keeping up a show, especially when it was about his unrealistic good looks.
"It's deathly hot…" she rolled her eyes happily "Anyways, I heard something about your father's uncomfortable process of aging… what's wrong now?" how was it that all of their problems had something to deal with Jace's parents?
"We were trying to hold a calm and mature conversation for once, and then my father said something my mother didn't like and they started shouting at each other and blaming themselves for everything that's wrong in their lives, including me of course… I simply lost it when mother said that…" he didn't get to finish the sentence, Clary also felt that pain.
"Said what?" she stood up, trying hard not to step on her dress, and hugged him from behind.
"She said that… if he was so miserable about his own existence… not her or me should've ever been part of it…" that sounded like something Celine had kept for herself far too long, and in an enraged attack she let go of it… on that side, it was comprehensible; but to insinuate that Jace had something to deal with that was different!
"I cannot believe she said so but… you know it's not true, Jace… you can be all you want to, but you're not a mistake; whatever madness your parents suffer has nothing to deal with you…" this time he did turn and hugged her back.
"I know… I'm just … getting tired of it, that's it… I'm tired of always being at the middle but never knowing a thing, at least I could learn what 's truly the problem and help them but… this place is like the FBI, only the most "powerful" ones have access to such information…" then, a little memory showed up inside Clary's mind, like the soft ringing of a bell; even though it appeared slowly, it hit her hard and she felt as if that reminder had punched her on the chest.
"Actually I… kind of know a part of the story…" she told him in low voice, Jace stayed still for a while; making the pain of guiltiness grow stronger.
"Why haven't you told me?" she looked down at his trembling wife that was still holding tight onto him, as if she were about to fall into pieces.
"Because… we were still mad at each other when I found out, it wasn't a pretty thing to discovered but… I do think you deserve to know… I just don't know how to say it" Jace sat on the bed and took a deep breath.
"Say what you need, I'll handle it" he didn't look like so, Clary sat next to him and took his hand.
"You see when I almost died because of depression… oh right, you weren't… did you know?" what a sudden change of topic.
"Yes, I took you with the doctor…" Jace snorted.
"I knew it was you! I mean, no one's hair here is as annoyingly bright as yours… "Her husband smiled to her, clearly recognizing that she was beating around the bush. "Ok, ok… When I was able to wake up, Amatis and I had this really serious conversation about what was happening between you and me… and somehow she seemed to understand how I felt, about loving a prince with all of the "tough- life" package included… that was when I realized that… she…" but the words wouldn't come out of her throat, he had such an insufferable life already, and she had also caused him so much pain before, how could she add more weight on his shoulders?
"Amatis… was my father's lover?" he looked so puzzled, as if another piece of his building confidence had been torn apart.
"Yes… I couldn't believe it myself either, I'm so sorry" and it was true, it ached for her as well.
"It makes sense somehow… I always knew there was something between them, but I never imagined it was like this… and she stayed? Feeling so betrayed, so alone… watching as he moved on, and she kept on the same page, she stayed? How stupid from her…" Clary caressed his blond locks and answered.
"Hey, she loved him… maybe she still does… how could she let go of it? If I had been on her place, I wouldn't have done it either, I would've tried, but that seems a bit impossible for me" Jace kissed her cheek.
"Also for me…" he looked down, sighing.
"Oh, really?" she asked with an indignant chuckle.
"Of course, I would never replace you, not for a crown, not for what my insane mother could say… He messed up and made them both suffer their entire lives; I'd rather cut my fingers one by one with my fencing sword than hurting you even a bit… No country or duty is worth more than you, call me selfish, idiot and whimsical but you're not only the Queen of Idris but of my heart; I'd leave everything if that means I'll have the chance to follow you around like a fool for the rest of my life…" 'How could I ever think this cheesy angel doesn't love me?'
"Well it was their decision… things happen for a reason, Jace; I mean that I couldn't imagine a world without you in it, our lives and existence are what they are because they were meant to be… and maybe they weren't" that was a hard thing to accept, both Amatis and Stephen were good people in their own ways, they do deserved to be happy, just not together…
"So, it was necessary to have a little drama so I could be right here right now? A heartbreaker since I was born, literally, point for me!" and one point more for his marvelous ability to joke while talking about such awkward topics.
"I don't slap you only because I know this isn't something easy to talk about…" she laughed with him. " … and because you're stronger and faster than me I wouldn't get very far, you'd have me on the floor in a second"
"Not necessarily to take revenge for your violent attempts against your Crown Prince, but yeah…"
"So… you're cool with it?" kind of a dumb question, typical of her "There's nothing else you want to take out of your chest?"
"Apart from my heart to give it only to you, I guess not… at least not for now; but as you know other things might come up later and I'll need you to be there, I always need you to be there" he caressed her hand gently as if he were making sure that she was still there, with him, not running away again.
"We said for the rest of our days, so I'm pretty sure we're stuck in this together" that sounded sweet for him, not so sarcastic; what can I say love makes you blind … and deaf.
"I'll drag you to hell, Clarissa Herondale, you count on that…" then he placed kisses all over her face as she laughed, until they were lying on the bed.
"I guess you have to know what hell is first so you can recognize heaven then…" she held him tight, hearing the familiar melody of his heart, delicate but strong beats, just like him; powerful in every aspect, even while loving someone.
"That's an easy one… wherever you are, is a paradise to me… even with a thousand devils surrounding us" she raised her gaze to look at him and smiled.
"Then let it burn, baby" he kissed her deeply, feeling joy with jus becoming conscious that in between all that secrecy, and lies, and painful choices there was still something that was pure, real and heartwarming; and he'd fight to keep that alive, he already knew how life without Clary was, he wouldn't let go again… but if it was for her good, he'd have to consider it.
"You haven't cried like this since… well, since you were as small as him…" said Maryse to her daughter while rocking Max softly.
"I'm not allowed to cry privately now? So Clary is right, this place has become a prison…" it wasn't that she wanted to cry her eyes out, but she couldn't stop the tears either.
"I'm not forbidding anything, Isabelle… As your mother, I just want to know what's happening to you… besides from everything you have to deal with already" but Max wouldn't fall asleep, his eyes were wide open looking at Izzy, he was worried as well.
"I feel like I'm doomed, mama… I know what I've gotten myself into and I'm willing to go on with it until I can put an end to this nightmare… but my confidence's shaking all the time, and it seems like the universe taking revenge on me for doing this…" the way Izzy had changed since she had come back home had been surprising for all of her relatives, she grew stronger, braver… though with every step she took forward, she'd have to give something up to keep moving on.
"Maybe… this was not the best way to take, darling…"
"What else could I have done mother?! Alec was about to fall from the cliff with father constantly pushing him to the edge, and we would've fallen with him too… I'm trying, I'm really trying hard to protect everyone from him, but it's not easy… I don't know … if losing so much leads to something bigger in the end" the feel of hopelessness was tough to hide, but she couldn't let it all out; that would make her look… weak.
"This is not only about the throne or your cousin, Isabelle Sophia… There must be something else bothering you for you to speak in such a way to me…" however she expressed it, her mom was right, but what could she say?
"I'm scared… okay? I'm terrified… of grandma, Jace, Clary, my aunt and uncle, of father… even of myself! I know what I must do yet what will be left of me after that? Since I was a child I've had to pretend to be happy, to feel safe, and to agree to everyone's opinion… I told myself I could do it that it wouldn't end with me… but what if… I never get over it, what if they don't understand? What if they hate me forever?"
"What's really important and should matter much more than those things is that you know who you are… and the reasons to do what you must… that's what life's about, dear; if we constantly depended on other people to act, we wouldn't be ourselves, we would be a toy of everyone else around us!" Maryse sounded so sure about that, but Izzy wondered why?
"How do you know? All your life you've swallowed your tears and endured father's madness without saying a word…" she replied.
"And do you think I did that because I wanted to?" her mother asked, with that expression on her face that made clear that Izzy would lose against her.
"You never did anything else or even tried to change it…" Isabelle took the baby from her mother's arms, willing to make him sleep, or at least just have a distraction so she didn't have to look at Maryse.
"All of us have choices to make, missy, don't think you're the only one who has sacrificed all that you think you have… That your father has become insane with the desire of having something he believes was his? I've always known it too; don't you think I've tried to change that, to make him see? You said it! If it isn't a disaster, he won't mind about it at all… but I had two, now three children I love and worth much more than any of his God damn whims; I couldn't make that kind of fuss that would only made you all hurt, as long as I could protect you… I wouldn't say a word to him… still this time, it was what you decided, and I am conscious of what kind of person you are; if I had sensed that you're doing wrong, I would've stopped you ages ago… I trust you blindly, my love, and I do know the way that leads to justice isn't an easy one to follow; however, the only misstep you can take during that journey, is to lose over hesitation… the goal is bigger than the methods, Isabelle. My hands are tied behind my back and almost put on fire because of Maxwell, and Alexander thanks to Raziel has been left out of this, I'm so terribly sorry you have to be the one that remains… but tell me who will stop this useless battle, blood against blood, if it's not you?" it's amazing how mothers always know what to say. Those were the only words Izzy needed to hear; that someone, acknowledging all of her flaws, hopes, fears and strengths still had faith on her; believed on who she was for real.
"Always me, right?" she was finally able to smile, Max laughed on her arms, they had such a perfect connection.
"This time, because of your big heart an strong will it was you… but none of you kids has ever let me down" Maryse sat next to her daughter and stroked her cheek.
"At least… imagine having a crazy husband and a bunch of misfit children…" her mother couldn't help but to laugh.
"I truly consider that your times as troublemakers are beginning to decay…You father's another story, don't you dare to compare you or your brothers to him. All that he accepts now is that to build a little bit of something you have to destroy everything, if only he was aware of how much he is destroying… and most of all… who"
"Highness" a knock on the door woke Clary up from her "hard work". She had tried to make progress on her speech, but she still couldn't think about a clever or interesting thing to write, her brain gave up just like she did and fell asleep on top of her papers.
"Come in…" she said rubbing her tired eyes, making evident that she had attempted to do so, but failed again.
"Mr. Lewis is calling; he said it was urgent, sorry to wake you from your programmed nap…" Amatis bowed giving her the phone, with a judging look on her face. Clary grinned innocently.
"Sorry for that, and thanks… but, isn't her majesty around? How much time do I have?" she tried to see past her to the hall, trying to catch a glimpse in case her mother in law was anywhere to be found near her room.
"Her majesty has been informed about it, and she doesn't seem to have a problem with it; she didn't even ask about the preparation of your final essay, or about the assembly that has been set for this afternoon by your uncle. Whatever you talked with her, not that's my business, has really cause an impact on her attitude towards you…" so Amatis had the same suspects that she had, she didn't remember being that harsh on her, she said what she felt and tried to be the nicest.
"Well, that's weird. Thank you, Amatis, you may go…" she bowed again and left soundlessly. "Hey, BFF, what's up?"
"Pumpkin… by any chance… have you talked with Izzy?" that was strange on Simon; when they talked, the very few times they could, he always sounded joyful and glad to get the chance to speak as they used to for a while; but now his voice was low, emotionless, nothing like him.
"No, I haven't been able to see her since the birthday party… You know her father's nuts; did something happen?"
"Remember that time when I told you that… I expected that special someone to say I love you back when I said it?" she started getting really concerned about what was becoming the topic of their conversation.
"Yeah, I do… what did she say?" she sighed, feeling as Simon's anguish became her own.
"She ran away in tears, Clary… I've tried to call her, text her, whatever! But she won't answer… I don't… was it too soon? I mean, it felt right… I thought we were finally on the same page, and then she just … became terrified; She was scared, Pumpkin, as if I had said that I was a serial killer with preference to black-haired girls… for real…" and behind his worry, there was also uncertainty…Clary had seen Isabelle under a lot of stress lately, but nobody looked like they knew the reason; whatever happen on the other side of the palace didn't come out form there.
"Maybe, she wasn't expecting it… I don't know, I'm not a relationship expert; but this is really twisted… I'm aware this kind of confession isn't easy to digest, but not terrible enough to make her cry…" like that our favorite Crown Princess had another mystery about her house and family to resolve; so many questions, still no reliable answers.
"That's what I said… Am I that hard to stand, Clary? Be sincere cause this suspense is killing me; I want to know the reason alone and that's it! What was my mistake?" So he also thought he was responsible for it, thing that his best friend didn't.
"I don't think this has something to deal with you, Simon… I told you, Robert is… quite a character, and Izzy does like you a lot and might love you as well… it simply may be that someone doesn't want her to do so…"
"You think it's because I haven't introduced myself properly to the guy or I haven't sold all of my precious collectors toys to maintain her highness as she deserves…?" classic from him, always joking around, she rolled her eyes.
"I'm not sure, but he definitely got red-handed on this matter; we have an assembly in like… Oh, damn… half on hour, I'll try to get some information and call you back as soon as I can" she started to run around the room looking for the intercom to call her maids, getting her ready for an assembly was not easy or quick and they'd have to work time trial.
"Go on and spy on your relatives for me that's why I love you! I'll have to write a complete album with songs about you to pay this back; thank you so much, pumpkin" somehow her rapid and short promise comforted him, and well, Clary couldn't refuse now that she knew how much it meant for him, and for everyone else; everybody loved Izzy, there must be something she could do to help, though first she had to reveal what was going on that made her so miserable.
"Silence, please…" began Hodge, firm and calm as he used to "Dear members of the parliament, distinguished public informers, your majesties and highnesses; we've gathered here by command of his highness Prince Robert Lightwood, who happens to have a sober announcement to make. I ask all of you, please, to remain silent and attend to his wise words. You have the floor, my lord…" he bowed as Robert approached to the podium. He had an inexplicable and overjoyed expression on his face, every step he took looked more confident than the other; in other words, he had the appearance of pure victory; another hint that told Clary he had something under his sleeve.
"Did he win the world cup or what?" She whispered to her husband, who was curious about his uncle's behavior as well.
"Perhaps the parliament finally agreed to let him divorce my aunt Maryse, if that was the case I'd be glad too… they deserve more of a man and father than him…" as usual, he was right.
"I wish it was so easy, we would've gotten rid of him by now…" and reminding herself what she had promised, she tried to peek at her cousins, who were a bit far from them on the main platform, right on the other edge of the chairs. Isabelle looked down and up at intervals, but her face showed no signs of anxiety or pain; she just remained still, as if there was nothing for her to do.
"Beloved country, subjects; all of you treasured people of Idris and Alicante. Today, another chapter in the governmental life of our small yet powerful land is written. As you must all acknowledge, with my diseased father, some changes in our ways and rules were born… having a son out of marriage could be seen as a mistake for every living person in the world, not only a King, but as a result of his warm heart and mercy he allowed me and my dear mother inside his home, family and life… He was unquestionably a generous and fair man, wasn't he? And I believe I speak for myself and my brother, his majesty, when I say that all of our lives we've tried to follow his steps and teachings, with hopes to be the great sovereign and parent he managed and accomplished to be; also passing that knowledge of justice and cordiality to our own children, who have been prepared as well, through all these years, to become the face of a growing and developing nation…" he spoke slowly, but not even making a small effort on expressing himself, such doubtless attitude made Clary shiver.
"You know him better than I do…What is all this glibness about? He's making me nervous" and she kept on, trying to unveil that suspicious situation that build up a feeling inside of her, something that told her it was something important but not good… not good at all.
"I also am, but as you see he is a man of surprises, my uncle, point for him… we never have the slightest idea of what he's plotting up until he's done… and that only makes him more dangerous, unreliable…" one more shot to her composure, if Jace couldn't figure out a clue of what was happening, then nobody could.
"At that point, and following the example of a remarkable and brave man, I trust with all my heart and strength that changes must go on, some bigger or smaller, new airs are good for all of us; Innovation will take us to the next level in every way you can think of, missteps have been made in the past because of some useless in some way medieval traditions that don't work anymore in the world and society we live in. We ought to forget those powerless attempts of creating stability that have brought more problems than solutions, and have the courage to see further, take those chances that seem impossible, but with hard work can be taken and applied to the quest of what's sincerely more important than old laws and requirements… The advance and prosperity of our country and population. Having explained that now, I can proudly say that my family, my blood, my children… have truly understood that and held on to that utopia of prosperity, looking for the best ways to make this wonderful dream become a reality. My son, Prince Alexander, was one of the most enthusiastic about this ideal, still as I have said before; he also had very clear his duty of renewing and making room for bolder and more efficient ways of ruling, and incorporated his sister to this project. To make this shorter, so I don't end with the emotion and celebration this event requires. I'm pleased to present my daughter, Isabelle Sophia Lightwood Trueblood, as an official candidate for the throne and crown of the entire nation of Idris…" It wasn't long before all of the audience began to gasp, the room exploded with questions, claims and exasperation; all of the people as confused as their majesties themselves; what had begun so innocent yet suspicious ended in a disaster, a sea of uncertainties and most of all… the feeling of betrayal.
"Excuse me, highness, but I don't believe you have the power to do so… If it's true, being the son of his majesty, your opinions and decisions have an essential weight on the way my wife and I rule Idris; still I don't see how this could be allowed…" King Stephen's voice was the one which stood out between all of the law voices that demanded answers, and most of all reasons. The Herondales now divided with a much more real and heavy line from the Lightwoods, stood from their seats daring, heated but even more clueless; Jace and Clary's thoughts were being scrambled and destroyed one by one; they had been waiting for something, but not something like what had happened, their trust turned into ash and there was only the cruel ringing of a question inside their minds: why? Alec and Izzy wouldn't look up, no matter how much Jace called them between the deafening noises of the crowd. He just needed to look at their eyes to get anything, but it only seemed as if they had already turned their back on him, long ago, and he hadn't noticed at all.
"I suppose you have forgotten, brother, that I'm not just one son of his majesty, I am the first son… and as my position was granted to you, I cannot concede you the imprudence of stealing my children's place away as well. This is the modification I propose; if we won't talk about legitimacy, then let's talk about ability and provision. No King or Queen shall be chosen if he or she doesn't prove to be ready or willing to fulfill the tasks of a governor … The one that appeals to be best adapted and… sober enough to be sovereign, whether it is Isabelle or Jonathan, will be crowned. And please, dear citizens, don't believe I'm turning such serious matter into a contest; it's merely an act of justice. If anyone here wants what he or she believes must be his or hers, then make them earn it…" As Maryse had said, the ways of the Lightwoods weren't the best but still had a background, a sense hidden under all of those layers of apparent coldness and self-indulgence. In a violent word you can only create a reaction with violent ways. And blood was about to be shed, what had become a fight had to be fought. The same blood, those hearts that had once beaten like one, family against family… all to correct those mistakes that weren't theirs.
To be continued…
Dreamer.
Hello readers! As usual I have to apologize for having so many things to do, this past two months have been crazy and filled with tasks and work, and family compromises; I swear to God I tried but I couldn't, still I have worked on this chapter for three days, and here you have, the bomb has exploded, how many will get hurt? What will they do? We'll have to see! I hope you enjoyed it and I'll be up all night waiting for your reviews! (Just joking, I go back to school tomorrow!) And I really hope, also, that you enjoyed your holidays; that this year is a new opportunity for you and that you have lots of joy and goof fortune. Thank you for following my fic and I'll try to update as soon as I can!
Kisses and hugs to you all, bye!