She was smiling, not so as to call being genuinely happy; she had a sense of warmth on her heart that somehow told her everything would be ok. She was calm, even though she didn't have all the answers at hand, even with that faint guilty feeling that sometimes clutched against her chest, the feeling she could've done more; but then again, the Kings had told her there was nothing more to be done, and thanked her continuously.

It had been quite the year of her life, so many ups and downs day after day, so many things to learn and see, and so many things she was able to teach also. Memories she was grateful for, even the ones that caused her pain, she'd grown up so much in many ways, and finally got to see now how lucky she really was.

No, it wasn't because she'd lived in a big of marble, silver and gold; it hadn't been because of having a thousand people willing to serve and please her, it hadn't been because of the pride of belonging to the Royal Family, and of course, it hadn't been because of being the wife of the most gorgeous prince charming. It was because the cold walls of the palace had shown her the true meaning and image of a family and good friends; it happened because all the people around her taught her the meaning of justice, honesty, patience and strength, it was because she only recognized how much of a worthy person she was when someone attempted to change her. And of course, probably the most special of them all, was that she discovered true love, uninterested, selfless, reckless and pure love.

And she'd continue to cherish the little peace and tranquility she'd have, because she'd live through it fully. She'd opened herself to a world that seemed so shallow and unreal form the distance and got to see what was set further from her own stare, to see the whole picture and become involved with it… become a part of it. It gave her a clue of how she'd want to be in the future, how she'd want to help the world. It gave her so many, big, important things that ironically she found in small details alone. That was the task of the day, going over small details, every step and every picture, every word resonated inside her head, and thought not everything had been easy or beautiful; she smiled, because the hints of trouble couldn't opaque the wonder of her own personal adventure as Crown Princess of Idris.

"Highness, your parents are waiting for you…" called Amatis after a soft knock on the door,

"I told you to call me Clary, Amatis, there's no need for such inflexible formality anymore! Or even niece if you prefer, we're family! And it is about time we start acting like it!" well, the adventure of being Crown Princess had ended, but she still had lots of things to do and see; one of them? Amatis being herself for once!

"Blame the habit, my lady, it'll take longer than the time you have left here for me to get used to it" she understood, it had taken a while to get accustomed to the rules of the palace; to have to live without them, plus in a different continent, had to be though as well.

"Don't be so sad…" Clary had her stare down on her half packed bags, but she knew her aunt was hiding a grimace behind a perfect poker face "You've taught me well, I'll be fine… and won't be alone of course, so don't you worry that I make a mess out of your standard as a teacher"

"For the first time since you got here, highness, I don't worry a little bit about you…" she turned around to wait for her outside "In fact; I could be…upset because I probably won't have anything to worry about anymore"

"Would you mind accompanying me to have lunch with them?" instead of walking ahead of her like she usually did, she advanced in an easy pace next to her, waiting for her startled reaction and laughed again. "Luke insisted on having you there, he wants to see you"

"Oh… I don't know, princess, I've got much work about your trip left to do…" there she was again, keeping uncomfortable distance.

"Your work will remain in your desk as long as you need it to, Lady Amatis, but your brother will only be here for lunch…" she pointed out in return.

"All right, but lunch alone…" she finally convinced her, Clary smirked and grabbed her arm, making her walk a bit faster, as she knew how difficult was it to run around in heels for short they might be.

"Then seize the opportunity!" she exclaimed eagerly, leading them both to the dining room.

"Wow, you did wanted to see us, didn't you?" Luke approached to kiss his agitated sister on her cheeks and hold her close, as well to tousle Clary's already wild locks.

"Her highness never understood that princesses do not run through the halls…" she excused herself and straightened her suit jacket and hair meanwhile Clary greeted her mother and brother.

"No matter the cost, it's a good surprise to have you here" he put an arm on her shoulders and walked with her towards the table.

"Surprise? But she told me you had…" she took seconds to get the princesses' scheme and frowned to her realization.

"We're family" the redhead repeated, making her roll her eyes and show half a smile as they sat down.

"I agree, Amatis. You weren't even able to attend our wedding, and you two are the only ones left of the Graymarks, every chance we get to see you is a moment we'll cherish." Jocelyn stated.

"Of course…" she nodded in response "Unfortunately, we won't have many chances… from now on" the environment was about to get heavy and unpleasant, luckily the personal entered with their food and they decided to catch up on each other lives; having a few laughs here and there while enjoying a good, simple meal, she had specifically asked the cook not to go as fancy and restaurant like for that day. Thus, Clary was able to breathe and feel a relaxed home like scenery that reminded her of when she was younger. And she could've bet this was the first time in years that her family didn't look so suffocated with the weight of an absent father, a secret and a minor to protect. There was nothing left to lose or fear, and she was glad that the fuss had had that affect, that it brought them closer, that it made their lives a little less tough. That the regret could be left behind, step by step.

"Oh, angel, I almost forgot! Mom brought you something" Jonathan snapped when they were in the middle of desert.

"Bring out the presents, bro!" she answered with a mouthful of ice cream, much to Amatis embarrass and tenderness.

"Ta-da! It's your old workbook!" he took out a worn out, wide photo album of clear turquoise cover and with Clary's name in disorganized writing with something like red crayon. She left the creamy treat aside to take the book in her hands, smiling cheerfully and astonished, getting a laugh from her relatives.

"Workbook?" Amatis asked her brother for some clarification.

"Granville told her than whenever she painted something, she had to do it with her heart; so it was a good idea to get inspiration from those she loved, so he'd take the pictures the two of them most liked from the album and built one of their own, each one of them has a sketch next to it, so they called them workbooks. She has thousands of them, and could've done more if she'd had the time… and space" Luke answered, with a noticeable fatherly pride on his eyes.

"This was the first one we ever made!" Clary looked as she was about to burst out in emotional tears, but her family had her back and quickly immersed into the memories. "Oh, I can't believe there was a time I did draw with only lines and circles…"

"Oh my, all hail the Princess of modesty! We all start somewhere, you brat!" Jonathan hit her on her shoulder playfully and his sister stuck his tongue out to him. Amatis almost rushed to correct her, but had to remind herself she was no longer a Crown Princess… and she'd never looked so happy and relaxed before, she wanted to keep seeing that.

"Grandpa had such great ideas…"she admired the theme her grandfather had written down for her first source of inspiration: Love, that's how he called her; then when she made her workbooks on her own, she hadn't been so poetical. Granville had never been much of an artist, but he always treasured and praised his daughter, granddaughter and grandson's abilities, he'd been the number one supporter of their dreams, and helped them in any possible way. But as Jocelyn kept her art on her own, and Jonathan became attracted to cameras, the Fairchild Grandfather became the closest to the mini version of his daughter, and took care of her, cheered her, and protected her always. Clary saw that… while going through her first works and memoirs, stains and smudges, to the ones that actually worked.

"We tought you'd want to take something that reminded you of him to America… we could've brought your whole room but… we knew Amatis wouldn't let you take so many things…" her mother admitted, they chuckled with her, even his sister in law did "Besides, this seems to speak to you more than anything else…" oh, so her mother hand only peeked through the first pages or her workbooks. She had that tendency, to paint things that kept her grandfather alive inside her and when she felt he was still there watching, she'd go with the rest of her loved ones. And she decided to reply without words.

Showing them some portraits of her brother, grandmother, Luke, her friends, even some of Valentine and herself. But then, most of them had the image of her mother, and the most sketched as well. Clary was a perfectionist, and she didn't wish her doing represented any more than the deep admiration she held for her progenitor. Perhaps, Jocelyn thought she'd never noticed how hard she'd tried to give her a good life, partly her fault for never being too much of an extrovert unlike her brother, she'd thought she had grown up too tied to the idea that her father would come back some day. She'd simply had her own ways to say thank you…

"Yeah, and I speak trough them as well…" the two pairs of emerald eyes were equally teared. "Mama… I'll never be too far away to forget about you… about it all… you're literally my everything…" Jocelyn had had cried enough already, and blamed herself for not being able to help the changes from falling over her poor child's shoulders. She also wanted to make it easier, as she'd done her entire life. Her tears helped her this time though, to understand that her little kid had grown capable of protecting herself. "All of you, I love you so much…" the redhead's cheeks were moist with thousand feelings, and she continued to smile, honestly pleased.

"We love you too… and we'll miss you, very much. You'll leave a hole in my chest, sis" Jonathan embraced his mother with one arm and his sister with another. Luke kissed her forehead and kept a hand on her shoulder. This gesture also took over Amatis, and did her best to keep a straight face.

"You don't have to worry about me… I'll be alright, in fact…" she wiped her face, before making an important and exciting announcement "the Queen offered me the chance of choosing the person who'd travel with me. And you know that if it could've been anyone, you'd have been the top three on my list…" they smiled with her "But it had to be someone from the palace, so… I'm taking Amatis with me…" the attention was drawn to her, totally unexpected as her eyes continued to water.

"Excuse me?" she couldn't process what she'd just been told, Clary nodded joyfully.

"You too need a break from the palace; you've been here since you were my age and haven't got out once!" she responded with a giggle, making her blush slightly "And… there's no one else I would want to go with more…" the family clapped quietly for her. She even heard Jocelyn mutter: "Thank the Angel!" It was true, she'd be a good companion and advisor for Clary; but as she'd got to know her a lot better she read on her staring that she was also doing it for herself. She wanted everyone to separate themselves from their past mistakes and the damage it could've caused them. She also wanted her to move on…

"How did you, child, convince the Queen Consort of Idris to concede the permission to the head maid of the palace to leave the country?" she had to ask wiping her tears away with her embroidered handkerchief, seeming too troubled at first "And… how will I ever be able to thank you enough?" she finished, painting back a smirk on the princess' face.

"No way, we have to thank you for having watched after our daughter so well… and to continue to do it. You don't know how grateful we are…" the mother said relieved "It'll be so much easier for all of us, we trust you blindly…" Jocelyn put some of Clary's locks behind her ears lovingly, caressing her cheek in the way. Amatis watched the picture perfect of the family from the other side of the table, with a warmed heart.

"And you must have another hundred responsibilities to take care of now you know you'll be going to New York, but before you flee…" Luke held out his hand, his sister stood up and took it, still the group hug caught her by surprise, and she wasn't very sure of how to deal with such displays of affection.

"Just try to breathe through the limited space here" the young redhead advised with a wink, they all laughed with her and later kept on with their talk of years, past and future ones; and they did not cry again, didn't focus on the bad things for long, and laughed until they were joyously tearing. They shared such a good time together that the head maid of the palace, for once in twenty years of work forgot all about her duties and the sense of time, rules, protocol and guilt… She breathed freely, gladly acknowledging this could be part of her life from that moment on, she belonged somewhere again, and she was welcomed again; she'd been family for Clary, and she'd continue to be. And most important, thing she shared with the princess, she was not alone.

"You haven't talked about the exhile of the princess, not with her… not with anybody" Jace was too busy trying not to think about what his father had just mentioned to become surprised of the fact he talked about personal topic while in the office.

"I prefer not to think about how Robert's got everyone in the parliament eating out from the palm of his hand just because they're too afraid of him, majesty…" he continued with his eyes down to the evidence Hodge was able to get from the fire incident. The message wasn't found, neither could they localize the number of who'd called Jace to threaten him earlier, it did seem like an accident at foreign eyes.

"It wasn't only because of Robert, Jonathan. Some of them were actually demanding justice against the crimes of Valentine Morgenstern. People blinded by desires of revenge are truly dangerous, thing they shared with your uncle" Stephen was worried, he could notice, but there was hardly anything he could do for him; though he did appreciate his concern…

"Don't call him that… he's no family of mine, not someone so horrible and selfish, such a scum of a human being…" he sighed angrily and ran his hands through his hair. "And neither should you consider him anything as a brother… he doesn't deserve anyone's affection"

"Your reaction is understandable, and in other circumstances I would agree… but if you'd met him when we were young… this is a shock for everyone, son, the yearn for power, the frustration, the denial of any emotion and falling apart from his loved ones…" the King got up from his desk and walked to Jace's, taking off his reading glasses to look at his firstborn eye to eye "Now, you might be right… because the man that has done all of this is not my brother… at least, not the brother I thought I had. But people make mistakes, Jonathan, we all try to live our lives the better way; do, think and say what we think will be most beneficial for ourselves and the ones we care about. Still has there ever been someone who lived perfectly fine with himself and others? I don't think so… neither have I…"

"Your mistakes don't compare to half of the things he's done…" and for a moment, he was scared of the things he didn't know yet Robert had done.

"And perhaps, you only think that now because of the way I've reacted and taken responsibility for my mistakes. I'd dare to say… about a month ago, you and your wife would've thought I was as much of an awful man as him"

"It's been long since I cared to judge your actions, father…" he was just tired, of everything, of battling, of explaining… of pretending he could deal with it all without breaking down…

"I know, and I'm so… terribly ashamed of that. I simply hope you can comprehend now, why was I always so demanding of you." He spared a second; his father was admitting how he'd tried to shape him to his own version of a good man?

"What exactly do you mean?" he knew actually, he perfectly knew, he'd felt it… tried to fit in it, all of his life probably, but he had to hear it… he had to see his regret, so he knew he was sincere, that he could forgive him and continue to go on without blaming the man who'd given him his life for everything that made himself so unsure.

"The reasons as why I never let you feel without guilt, why I thought that making you firm and independent would save you from falling… into pain, son, into the kind of things extreme passion causes. I didn't want to lose you, but I tried too hard and got the complete opposite. However, I don't think it's too late to apologize, and be a real father instead of a king to you… I don't want you to be heartless, Jonathan, I know you're not; but still, even when you're our age, I want you to think of love as strength, not as an obstacle for getting the things you want. And with this, I don't mean I expect perfection from you, never again, I expect honesty… I expect you to be free, as I never let you be, as no one inside the palace has ever have been, I expect you to be different because you've already proven you are" that speech, kind of lifted off some weight from Jace's shoulders. They had started with little things, like listening to each other, then not questioning, and this was a huge step… to admit someone's failures, to ask for forgiveness… that was true strength too.

"Don't worry, father, I've learnt enough from you… and won't make yours, or anybody's mistakes…" he decided he was right in somethings and got up from the chair, leaving work behind and focusing on what was the most important for, by chance, only himself "I'll make my own…" with that he walked away from the office and headed to look for Clary wherever she would be. It had been two days without mentioning it, without seeing her or talking to her. He had to stop denying it, she would leave, she'd be apart from him; not all battles could be won, he couldn't have everything handy.

But he could make every last minute worthwhile, he could still love her thoughtlessly and show her he did. And he would no matter what happened to them, no matter how many sacrifices, he'd love her in any way possible and always.

"I can't believe you're not taking us, little brat. You're going to the city of dreams, we're also artists, we should be living there!" as Maia spoke in dreamy thoughts, Clary on the other hand was becoming more and more conscious of reality alone. She'd had her period of two days to get ready… and say goodbye. She'd be gone by that time tomorrow, but at that moment she was with her best friends, sitting on the carpet of her almost empty bedroom, like they used to do before all of the Crown Princess fuss went on.

"Yup, broken, starved, almost hopeless but always conserving a leap of faith… that sounds pretty artist like to me and we're still here" Helen ended with a giggle that as followed by her companions.

"We'd have each other at least…" Kirk continued, which could've brought tears to the host's eyes.

"But you can't live out of company, Kirk, unless you're a fucking cannibal! Which I would totally expect from you though… when will you learn?!" Eric was there to snap out of the melancholy and to grant a friendly punch to his friend's arm.

"Who know, guys? Maybe one day, when we get tired of being the children of the Angel… When we finally decide to do something about or lives" Simon encouraged them, in his always so personal and unique way.

"Nah, we're too lazy and awesome for that, we'll let Clary and you continue to be the ones with futures and expectations…" Eric replied, she rested her head on her geeky friend's shoulder, entertained and yet proud of the things that came out of her close ones mouths.

"Well look at my oh so great future and expectations, at this point even your lives are better than mine!" she decided to laugh about the tricks of fate instead of being brought down by them again, that was what they did when they were together; not taking anything seriously, joking around, care even less about themselves, live for the moment and enjoy that they could be themselves no matter how strange or imprudent that might've been. She'd miss that of them… she'd miss a lot of things.

"Hey, accused as a criminal or not! You'll still be married to a handsome prince, living in a freaking mansion with servants and go on an awesome trip to a whole different country with all expenses paid!" the blonde girl pointed out almost indignantly, they burst out laughing "For real, Clarissa, what are you wiping about? This is no sentence you've got on your hands, missy, this is vacation!"

"Alright, alright! I am petty, I admit it…" she rolled her eyes contented, shrugging.

"This is what happens when you're royalty, nothing is ever good enough for you. Now shut your tantrums, Marie Antoinette and thank the angel for this opportunity, Feel a little lucky at least, you slut!" she didn't notice when Maia had taken a cushion from her bed and threw it at her, gesture she replied by sticking her tongue out to her.

"That's why I let your sorry asses into the palace! To remind myself how much worse this could be!" again, something typical of them, giving off messages that lead to various colorful interpretations "But no really, I am very lucky… I've been from the start…"

"Ignoring the lies, the secret planning of your life from others, having a crazed father, being hated for no reason by your in laws and putting up with it, educating a hateful, too much of a blond Crown Prince, having the pressure of bearing a child in your teen years, being almost killed by your allergies and having to wear a corset for one complete day… and! Living without wonderful us in the process! Leaving that aside, I'd say I'd gladly take your place, pumpkin" Simon finished summing up her entire year breathlessly.

"Yeah, all of that included in that package, thank you… I wasn't complaining and being a drama queen all the time because of what was going on, but because of what that was doing to me. Changes always take us by surprise, and I had gone by thinking I knew exactly who I was and wanted to be. And then the Herondales showed up with their stupid family ring and fucked up every single one of my plans…" they chuckled, and she was pretty sure their bellies were aching at that point "I didn't want to be changed, I wanted to be myself through it all, I didn't want to give anything up… and the universe somehow slapped me with this, and showed me that there wasn't a Clary from before and one after I did tell you before, but I was drunk so... I feel it now, it's true. There was only me, going through stages of my life, and that it was good to modify myself; there is no pure essence of a person in this world… and change is what will make us better. I'm not that scared anymore, guys… and I hope neither you are when your time comes"

"It is coming, actually, you're leaving… This is the time when we take our separate ways, but I'm not going to become all depressed and sad, it's ok, like you said… we're growing up, finding ourselves… actually, I'd be more worried If we stayed like this forever!" Maia added, the rest agreed with amusement.

"Talk about failed, immature punks and you'd be describing us" Eric followed without a break.

"You guys are the best of friends I could've ever asked for… and you'll continue to be, for the rest of my days. Even if there is a time when we won't see each other ever again… we forget how we look, how we sound like, what we did or liked… you'll always be a part of me, an important one. I know this sounds so cheesy but… I wouldn't want to leave without letting you know. I love you all, and will think of you… every time I have a chance" Clary had a tiny, almost imperceptible hole forming on her chest, and in spite of that she felt whole, complete, like there was nothing she could want more than what she already had.

"You expect us to go with a grin on our faces after that?!" Kirk's face constricted and reddened, trying to stop the tears from falling.

"No, not from you, cry baby! Man up, already, could you?" Helen stole the cushion from Clary's arms and threw it at him instead.

"No, I won't let that happen, I'll have you fed up with emails and texts and letters and shit if we ever split! You'll hate me instead of appreciating me and wanting me close but I didn't spend all of my best years on you all to be forgotten!" Simon protested.

"Oh, God, I might as well cut connection with you right now, you've always been too annoying but that just sounds terrifying… how long do you think it'll take us to get a new male voice?" Maia put her manager brain down to work.

"Oh, yes please! We need a better looking singer, or I'll be stereotyped as the blonde cranky diva!" Helen conceded on her own benefit.

"Well, aren't you?" her fellow singer attacked getting the middle finger as an answer.

"No f-ing way! As former leader to be of this country, I absolutely prohibit alterations according to the structure of this band!" Clary disagreed, bringing some order in the room.

"And just a second ago you were saying how change is good for your soul and spiritual awakening, blah, blah, blah…" Eric mimicked her words.

"Hey I'm the best member of this entire aggrupation, there's no band without me, you ungrateful fools! Tell them, pumpkin" Simon insisted, faking hurt.

"Opinion doesn't count if the participant has been like a sister for you, she'd be on your side even if she just pitied you…" the manager pointed out very cleverly.

"Well, thank you for putting me on evidence! Now I'm a traitor not only to the Crown but also my best friend!" Clary said, regretting it at the second she had Simon giving her a noogie.

"Oh, guys, we're really considering taking out Simon? I like him too, I want him to stay!" again, it had to be Kirk, they stared at him in silence for a while.

"I think we all agree now as to who has to be kicked out…" the previously accused announced.

"Take it easy, Kirk… you wouldn't slip even if you wanted to… you make good music at least" the redhead complimented.

"But we can always be better though" Eric kept going on just when she thought they'd had enough of bad jokes.

"You remember when I said you were the best of friends?" when they all nodded she continued "I take it all back, get the hell out of my sight!"

"Nu-uh, missy. Not until…" Maia took out a bottle of her purse, it was the same liquor she'd first tried with Simon and had gotten drunk with at thirteen years old. She covered her face with her hands and squealed.

"No, no, no! You know what that crap does to me, I can't have another stomach wash, I have a plane to take tomorrow!" of course, they didn't listen, and pulled her until she was shut with the liquid. They only joined her boozy state when half of the bottle was done, fortunately the alcohol didn't kick in as hard as it had done before and Clary was able to pay attention to their last gathering… not of their lives, but for the moment at least, and she was as happy and pleased as she could be.

And thankfully she remembered she had to meet Queen Imogen as soon as her friends were gone. She had to change her outfit because of the smell of booze and bathed herself in perfume. She also tried her hair and face to look a little more presentable, she didn't want her grandmother to think she had forgotten, or didn't care at all about her.

"I heard you were having fun with your friends, highness…" the door of her lounge was opened and she heard her approaching with only a meter of distance. She had to show at the door lowering her head and with very noticeable red cheeks.

"I'm so sorry, majesty… it was so imprudent from me, please forgive me…" she was honestly ashamed… but the dowager queen only laughed graciously while staring at her.

"Come sit with grandma, child" she opened her arms to her, Clary walked to the couch and sat there taking her held out hands in hers, still slightly embarrassed "I remember what it was like to have your age… young, in love, reckless… living like there was no tomorrow, fearlessly. Although now, our princess must have guessed… that no matter how old you are, the problems will be there"

"Yes, majesty, it's one of the many teachings you all have given to me, and I won't forget them…" Imogen cupped her cheek.

"I know you do, and yet it surprises me to see how much you've developed, from the shy girl that forgot how to drink tea because of nervousness…" they both grinned with the flashback of when they met "to the fair, brave and sincere woman sitting next to me. I never doubted you'd try with every part of you, I could see it in your eyes… such determination as yours isn't easy to bring down"

"Or rather just stubbornness, we could say…" she grimaced.

"It's only natural… sometimes, people tend to forget they're humans, princess; that they have feelings, and those demand to be felt for the sake of our sanity. And talking about something as ephemeral as life, how can we not get attached to anything? Thoughts, words, people, memories… or even ourselves" she stroked her hair back in a motherly way, and she listened carefully to one more advice from the first person in the palace who welcomed her warmly in the palace, aside from Alec of course; she wondered if she'd get a chance to say goodbye to her cousins, probably not… "It's alright, pretty one; you've done all you could have. You have nothing to be blamed for, or any other expectation to fulfil. You turned out to be more than what we thought you'd be, and that's great… you've made us proud, either if my son and daughter in love want to admit it or not. You may continue your path with tranquility and peace"

"Thank you, grandma, those words mean so much to me…" she sighed, not sure if she was becoming sad again or if it was truly relief that came out of her.

"And… it isn't easy for grandma to let you go either… In fact, I don't think I can…" the Queen let a single tear flow down her cheeks. "You weren't only admired in the palace, princess, you were loved and cherished… you were to this old woman the one to give her back what she'd treasured and lost because of greed. I don't know, and wouldn't want to figure how it'll feel without you here again…But trust me, when the end of this madness comes, we'll bring you back home right away, Crown Princess or not, you do belong here also… because you belong in our hearts" her own sobs followed right away, and she attempted once more to push the grief away.

"Let go of it, dear. No one will think wrong of you again, you may cry until you have no tears left… no one can demand any more strength from you…" she was held by her grandmother and she held her back; now it was suddenly too real, she wasleaving, leaving everything behind.

"I … don't want to leave…" not like that, not for those reasons, not so lonely and clueless.

"Oh, darling, neither we want you to leave. If I could keep you in a secret pocket I would my child, believe me I would… But we have to protect you, we have to keep you safe, and we cannot do so if you're still here, in the bullseye" She ended the hug to look to her eyes, and give her a warm smile "It's fine you want to break down, either for the short time you've got left here or when you're there, we'll be far but we won't disappear… you can always look for us, morning or night, whatever the cause" she didn't stop her crying she let her vent.

"I'll miss you, very much…" she had to admit. She had to accept it, she was pained, hurt and felt betrayed. Just when she could be in good terms with who surrounded her, just when she'd found a home in the palace she'd have to leave and start all over… it wasn't fair, it was cruel and she didn't want to do so.

"I'll miss you too, sweetie. We'll miss you and think of you every day. We'll keep in touch, yes? You have to write to grandma or text or make a video call or whatever you kids do these days… You have to let us know you're ok and tell us all of the antics you do, keep us updated, hum? Don't you forget about us, we surely won't forget you…"

"Yes, grandma. I will, I promise; I'll contact you in every chance I get…" she felt so much lighter now, she'd let go of everything. She said, did and felt what she had to; it still didn't make it easier, just a little more bearable. And it was ok to take baby steps to get used to the idea; it was ok that she was unsure and unwilling. 'But you won't go through it on your own; you'll always be on someone's mind' whomever that might be, she reminded herself. "I love you, grandma…" it might sound strange to someone else's, but for them it was completely right.

"I love you too, little one. We all love you very much…" they hugged as their goodbye, no more words needed.

*A musical advice, which I haven't given in a while. I recommend readying the final part of this chapter listening to "All of the Stars" by Ed Sheeran.*

Clary left the room with a heavy feeling inside her. She knew exactly what it was, but she was afraid… they'd gone through so many ups and downs for this? The smiles, the tears, the public displays of attention, the fighting, the kisses, their "us" where would all that go when she was gone? What would be of him? He'd feel betrayed, lonely… maybe he'd never love again, not after those blows were given. She walked through the halls with no specific direction, she was aware that she had to be up early in the morning, or that someone would look at her with hatred and shame, she knew he'd heart would shrink a bit when she'd pass by the gate that divided the palace, that it would be the last time she'd sit on the garden, on her favorite bench; and about any of that, she didn't care. She couldn't care about anything other that…

"No goodbyes kiss for me, uh?" he'd been waiting for her, ash she'd been longing and yet avoiding him finding her. 'To heck with it…' she was still terrified to see him, to get the final confirmation. She let her tears pour and turned around, running to his arms while crying like a child.

"No, never… I can't let go of you… I won't…" she held on to him for dear life, he kissed her forehead also pained by it all.

"Then the distance doesn't really matter, love. It might be just a question of stubbornness… we've got lots of that…" it didn't matter for that brief instant, all of their wounds or the ones to come. They'd gone a long way down, like that, together; and they never felt something missing while so.

"I wanted to be here for you, with you… I said I wanted to leave a thousand times but those were never real, none of them… It just took me longer than I thought to realize how much I loved you…And I want to keep doing that" he took her by the chin, his golden stare as magnetizing and deep as ever. "I don't want this to change, if there's something I want to keep on doing for the rest of my days is loving you, just that… just that is too much to ask for?"

"Having you here or in outer space, now or in a hundred years, in this life or some other strange one in which we actually kill demons, be heroes and have a much more hindered kind of love… I'd still love you, like I did from the start, no matter the cost, the afterwards, the sacrifice. Whatever they put in our way, we'll go through it. It's an "us" against the world, remember?" his nostalgic smile paralyzed her beatings for a second. "Some say love is out of our hands, that we're not the leaders of our souls or desires… but I think, actually, that every decision made has brought me closer and closer to you, and I continued to hold on to you, without noticing, maybe…. That's another story, I chose to be yours and I know that even if I don't want to… I'll always come to you"

"And I'll always let you in… as many times as they are" she took down his hands from his cheeks and entwined their fingers.

"It's a never ending cycle, you and me, truly… so what's exactly your worry?" he chuckled in low voice, his lips next to her ear.

"To break the cycle…" she put her arms around his neck.

"So, let's perpetuate it ... it's going to be our promise, pour own vow to each other, but if you want it that way only… I don't want to push you into anything, if this is the way I'll have to let you go, it's fine for me… anyways, just hearing all that you said is a privilege to me…" and she swore she could've died at that moment, from the ache of his hesitation, from the thought that if it wasn't now when else, for being lost in words… for not giving each other something to give them hope while being apart.

"There's nothing else I want more than that… I love you, and want to love you in any possible way…" any other proof of permission she could've given died in between their mouths; hands to hands and heart to heart. They shut and locked the door of her bedroom behind them.

She'd though of how she'd been running away from him since they met each other, because of her own blindness or someone else's, going forward and back like a merry go round, she'd ended up doing the complete opposite of what she had to do. However, Jace had been so right, every step taken had brought them where they had to be, they were just meant to be, they were made to be theirs.

And it was perfect like that; totally defenseless, sharing the warmth, making their truth palpable with the smoothest touches and inaudible words; writing their love story on their skin, giving it a shape, recalling the beginning, not giving a chance for an end. They were totally for themselves only, outside and inside. They might never have to say the words as a necessity, they knew each other to the core now, but just for the like of saying so, they whispered it continuously as their fingers affirmed it running the path of their joined bodies.

She wasn't scared anymore of the future, of what destiny would make of them. If she could chose to be his each time, she'd go through it willingly. She had to trust and believe once in a while, that good things came as abruptly as bad ones did, and that it would all happen as it had to. Need a proof? Their act right there, they'd given it time; they nurtured the feels, the needs, the whys, they made it into something real and special, not rushed or forced and they'd done it all by themselves alone.

The fragility, the minutes left, the tiredness, the feverish heat, the sounds and breaths became part of their ceremony, their own moment that would last forever and would still be alive inside them even after when they weren't face to face. When the voices, views and feeling would fade, when the words would try to break them apart again and they'd find their way to each other, the causes and the results would be that immortal moment. It's be their token, their key… something worth more than a thousand words...

Something like the mark of their last goodbye.

To be continued…

Dreamer.

Hello, readers! With a little sadness I announce this is the beginning of the end, we have something like two or three more chapters to go, and this… my artwork, a part of my heart and soul that I've invested so much time in will be officially over. I wanted to thank you guys for all of the support, either if you loved the story from beginning to end or you just became bored on half of it, or if you kindly pointed out my mistakes, it means a lot to me that I could connect with other fans through this. These characters are really important to me, the messages that the books left me, the things they taught me, how it helped me grew up and see the world in a somehow different manner, this will always be inside me and be part of who I am and want to be always. I hope you enjoy the conclusion of this story of mine, I'll see you in the next chapter; bye!