I do not own any of the characters in Twilight.
They all belong to Stephanie Meyer.
BPOV:
"Edward"
The dull pain that was where my heart used to be flared up. The pain felt like a sharp hot knife sliding into my chest. I gasped and hugged my arms around my chest, hoping and praying that would ease the pain.
I was wrong.
It was a few weeks after they left but it still felt like it just happened, well it sort of did just happen. Every night I would relive the pain. At night, as much as I tried, I couldn't shut my brain up. As I would lay there hoping that a somewhat peaceful sleep would come, my brain would think back to that horrible afternoon. That afternoon where I lost my love, my soulmate, my family. And when he left, he had taken my still beating heart with him. What was left now was a gaping hole. I was empty. I was nothing but an ugly, skeletal shell that no one would ever want. I didn't want anyone else either. I only wanted him... but that would never happen.
I looked around my room. It was strange. Everything looked the same but different at the same time. I laughed to myself. Wow I was not making sense anymore. I must be losing it.
I held myself tighter. The pain started to go back to its dull state. I took a deep breath. I couldn't keep doing this to myself. I couldn't keep doing this to my dad. I could see the pain in his eyes. He wanted to help me in some way. Every time I would break down, I could see the different emotions flash over his face. Fear. Worry. Disappointment. Anger? I doubted the anger was directed at me. Sometimes at night I would hear him on the phone with his friend Billy. He would be ranting about the Cullens. Usually one in particular. He would be ranting about how he wished he could make Edward feel the same pain as his precious daughter was feeling.
"Edward"
The hole in my chest that had just gotten back to a dull throb fired up again, although it wasn't as bad as it was. I wished this pain would stop. I forced myself to take a deep breath. With every ounce of strength I had, I managed to walk out of my room and to the bathroom.
I looked at myself in the mirror. Ugh. I was disgusting. My skin that was already pale, looked almost transparent. There were permanent tear stains that ran down my face from all the nights I would wake up crying. My body was so thin, even my size 1 pants were baggy. I was never curvy like the other girls in school were. I had the boobs and butt but it was all small. But now, everything was gone. I was the shape of a prepubescent boy. You could see my cheek bones and if I wore a tight enough shirt, you would be able to see my rib cage. I couldn't believe I got this bad but at the same time, I didn't care. I started attempting to clean myself up. I tried to do something with my hair but I gave up. I don't remember the last time I washed it. I just pulled it up into a ponytail and hoped no one would see how nasty it was.
I had promised my dad on Saturday that I would go to school. It was a deal that I made with him. He had cornered me in the kitchen one day and begged me to at least try and go back to normal. When I just stared at him, he made a threat that I will probably never forget.
"Bella. This isn't healthy! I don't know what to do anymore! I can't help you, even though I wish I could.. please honey, please I know that you haven't gotten over him but you need to start trying to move on"
-silence-
"Bella, that's it! If you don't at least try to take a step towards any sort of normalcy, I will have no choice but to have you admitted. You need professional help! This is the last straw!"
I stared at him in disbelief. How could he do that to me!? How could he just send me away? He's not going to even try to-
I stopped there. He did try to help me. Everyone did at first. My mom tried her best to convince me to move to Jacksonville so she could help me through this. As much as I missed my mom, I couldn't leave. It was like there was an invisible rope that tied me here and if I left, I- well I don't know what would have happened but all I knew was that I couldn't - wouldn't leave. I remembered my dad giving me space but still making sure I knew that he was there if I was ever ready to talk. He defended me when people would talk about me. He tried to cook for me, even though I would sometimes hear him swearing in the kitchen when the entree would catch fire or the house would fill with smoke..
I could tell my dad could see that I was thinking. He lost his desperate look which had been taken over by a hopeful one.
"I'm sorry dad. I didn't mean for it to go this far." I could feel a lump in my throat forming. "I just don't know what to do with myself.." I paused to look at him. He looked slightly shocked that I was talking to him about my feelings. When he didn't say anything, I continued. "I will try and start getting better, dad. It might take some time but I think I will be ok.. I'll start going back to school, ill talk to more people.. I will try dad, I promise, just please don't give up on me.."
He looked at me with what I think was happiness mixed with a pinch of doubt and hope. "That's all I ask, sweetheart. Just try. We will take it day by day".
-ugh-
I was beginning to regret the promise I made after that. I promised him that I would go back to school and try and make some friends again. I brushed my teeth and went back to the bedroom. I pulled on some clothes that I hope somewhat matched, found my backpack and went downstairs to wait until it was time to go. As I sat on the couch I saw my dad's old photo album. It was from when my mom and him were together. I flipped through the pages to see all the happy times. There was one where my mom was pushing me on the swing, and another one where my dad was trying to teach me how to fish. I laughed at my expression in that picture. I was definitely not a fan of fishing. Mostly because I was like 5 and I would have much rather played at the park or went to the library. But I also had felt secretly bad for the poor worms. I rolled my eyes at the innocence I once had and flipped it one more time. There was a picture of when I was about 10 with my mom and dad. We were all smiling. Even though they had been divorced for 6 years and weren't always friendly towards each other, they always wanted me to know that they both loved me. We took this picture while on a trip to the Grand Canyon. My dad met us there and we camped there. It was the last big trip we took before mom met Phil. Phil never told her she couldn't see him, but my mom knew it made him uncomfortable when she would start to plan trips that included my dad. So out of respect for him, she slowly faded my dad out of her life. I was sad because I did miss my dad but I could see how happy Phil made my mom.
"Mom"
When I thought about her, the hole in my chest ached again. I missed my mom so much. It was less than a week after the Cullens left when my mom shared some devastating news. She was sick. She didn't want to say anything because I was in a "delicate" state and didn't need anymore pain, but she knew her time was up. She had multiple myeloma, cancer of the blood. A lump in my throat formed as I remember that day. She had apparently been sick for months. She didn't even tell Phil until the doctors said she was terminal.
I remember the phone call. I was in my chair in my bedroom still trying to process what had just happened. I was back and forth between crying and disbelief. I heard the phone ring and my dad answer it. He greeted her and then there was a pause.. I suddenly heard my dad explode downstairs
"What?!" He yelled.
I froze. He never yelled like that, especially at my mom. I slowly got up and crept downstairs. I saw a sight that shocked me. My dad was crying. Not loudly but you could hear his muffled sobs. I went over to him to try and comfort him. He couldn't speak, he only handed me the phone. I was scared to answer it but I thought that nothing could make me feel as bad as how I felt when they left..
Again, I was wrong.
"H-h-hello?" I stuttered.
"Hey honey, this is mom"
"Hi mom.. what's going on? Why is dad crying? Are you ok?"
There was a pause before my mom answered. "Sweetheart, do you remember a few months ago when I was telling you that I was tired and feeling sick that just wouldn't go away?"
I nodded, then remembered she couldn't see me "yeah.."
"Well I went to the doctors and they ran some tests. They said they found something abnormal with my results.." She took a deep breath. " well I went back for some more tests and they found the reason why... I have cancer... its called multiple myeloma and it's spread everywhere"
What was left of my heart dropped. How could this be happening? What did this mean?
"What..? You have cancer? Can you be cured? What is it? How could this be happening?" I felt like I was floating. Nothing seemed real anymore. Then i started asking all the medical questions. "What stage are you at? Is this terminal? How long do you have before-" I could finish the sentence. I didn't want to think about her not being here anymore. She was my best friend..
It was a minute before I realized she was answering my questions.
"Yes it is cancer. Cancer of the blood. Unfortunately this type of cancer cannot be cured. It is terminal. Without treatment, the doctors said I could live for about 8 more months. But they said there is an experimental drug that I could take. It could prolong my life for about 6-10 YEARS! I decided to try it. The doctor said he had some good results with it." She rambled on about all the things she would do if she had even half that time. I started to get some hope. I wasn't going to lose her right away. I could see her again.
But that didn't happen. This experimental drug that she took wasn't all the doctors promised. Instead of years, it only gave her weeks. One day she went into the hospital because her levels were low and she needed medication and to be evaluated overnight. She never came out. The medicine ended up causing her kidney to give out and she became delirious. I would try and talk to her on the phone every day but by the end, she didn't even know who I was. Then she slipped into a coma.
I was worried about Phil. He was alone in all of this. As much as I wanted to go to him, I didn't want to leave forks. I was selfish. The day my mom passed, he called my dad. He could barely talk. He sounded like I felt when I thought of.. them.. my dad actually sat on the phone with him and tried to calm him down. Finally he did and he spoke the words I never wanted to hear: "your mom is dead" that was the last thing I remembered before I fell into my zombie state. Everything after that was a blur.
I stopped going to school all the time. The few times I did go, I just sat in my zombie-like state all day and didn't hear a single thing the teachers were saying. I don't think I fully accepted any of it. I actually think the grief of my moms passing is mixed in with the Cullens leaving. I rubbed my eyes and looked at the clock 8:10AM. Ugh time to go. I stood up and put my jacket on and grabbed my back pack. I paused for a moment at the door and sighed. "I promised I would try". With that I stepped outside into the freezing weather. I can do this..