The next few weeks were mostly the same. I woke up, went to school, came home, did homework and went to bed. Angela would come over every now and then but never pushed me to do anything which was nice. But recently I could tell she was pulling away. At first I didn't understand until i overheard a few kids talking. Apparently she had been bullied constantly since people found out I told her the truth about what had happened. She refused to tell anyone but I could tell the bullying was getting to her. I felt bad. The one person that was nice to me was being harassed for being my friend.

I decided that I was better off alone. I couldn't be hurt or abandoned if I had no one. One day I told Angela that I heard what people were saying about her and that I would understand if she didn't want to talk to me anymore. She looked super embarassed and said that she had no problem being my friend. Even though that was nice to hear, I knew she was just putting on a brave face. I stopped inviting her over and barely talked to her. My dad wasn't too happy when I stopped having Angela over but I was now going to school, taking better care of myself and helping around the house. I had kept my promise and my dad knew it. He decided not to push it and let it be.

I still had bad days though. Something small would trigger a memory and I would lose it. I would usually hold it together until my dad left for work. Then I would break down. It was like the hole in my chest would rip open and I would be writhing in pain for what felt like hours. I would go back to my zombie like state or a blubbering mess until an hour before my dad got home from work. I was getting better at hiding my feelings from people. It helped a lot at school.

I went from having some of the worst grades in school to having some of the best grades. It was the one good thing going for me. I had no friends or boyfriend. No distractions. I had made up all my missed work from the last semester and was even ahead on all work. My teachers were starting to make up assignments for me just to do on my own time.

I knew I wasn't healing though. I was just existing. I wasn't living for myself. I was living for Charlie. If I knew for sure that he would be fine, I would have ended it. But I knew I was too much of a coward to do such a thing. Plus the sight of blood made me physically sick. Unfortunately the thought of suicide had crossed my mind at least a few times a week. Usually it was when I heard a familiar tune in the grocery store or when I had nothing else to do and was left alone with my thoughts.

It was a Friday afternoon. I had just gotten home from school and had already managed to clean the whole house. The house could have passed military inspection but I still felt the counters could be wiped down a bit more and the bedrooms could be vacuumed at least once more. Maybe I should start a cleaning business I thought to myself. I smirked. Just as I had finished organizing the last of the spices, there was a knock at the door.

A boy who was a few years younger than me and a man in a wheelchair were standing there. I knew them as Dad's best friend Billy and his son, Jake. They had been coming over more recently. I think my dad's friend was worried about the both of us. At first this annoyed me but then I saw how much he relaxed when Billy came over and watched the game or just talked about guy stuff.

Jake would usually try and talk to me. I would try to have normal conversations with him but sometimes he would say or do something that reminded me of... them. His jokes and the way he laughed reminded me of Emmet. His kindness and patience reminded me of a mixture of Esme and Carlisle. His perky attitude and always positive personality was a bit like Alice.. ugh I missed them so much.

It got to the point where Jake would follow me around when I did chores. He would help me prepare dinner for Charlie and sort the laundry or put dishes away. He was the cause of the first time I laughed in entertainment. A genuine laugh.

Today Billy was there to bug Dad about going fishing. Again. My dad loves fishing but since the Cullen left, he has only left me when he NEEDED to. Again I felt bad. I was ruining Charlie's social life, no matter how small it was.

"Dad, you should go" I finally spoke up after Billy had explained for the hundredth time that he missed his friend. "I will be ok"

"Ah, I don't know Bella.. I don't like leaving you alone... especially now"

I scowled. I knew his heart was in the right place but I didn't need to be babysat. I wish he didn't act like I was some sensitive bomb that would go off, even though I'm sure that's what it looked like might happen. I started to say something when Jacob spoke up.

"She can stay on the reservation! We enjoy having company! My friends and I can watch out for her! Sam's wife always makes a feast for the whole town when we have a visitor and..."

I tuned him out. I was really hoping to just stay at home by myself and... I don't know. I knew I had literally nothing to do here. My homework was complete, laundry was done, the book shelves in both my room and the living room were alphabetized. The only thing that was left for me to do was sit in my room... I knew what would happen if I was alone and I wasn't sure if that's what I wanted. I knew I would be thinking of him. I would daydream about being in his arms again. I would breathe in his scent. When I would come to, I would be just as broken as I was when he left.. I sighed.

".. well bells? What do you think of spending the day-" Billy interrupted my father. "you mean 1 week Charlie. The location takes us about 3 hours to get there. We would spend all of 15 minutes on the water before we had to come back!".

I could see in my dads eyes that he really wanted to go. I knew some of his best memories were at that lake. I know I disappointed him by not liking fishing while all of his friend's children loved it. I had made up my mind..

Charlie turned to start arguing with Billy but I cut him off. "Dad, go. You need some guy time. I will be ok. I will spend the night and every day up there and if I don't enjoy myself I can always come home. It will be ok." I tried to make it sound convincing but I knew I was failing miserably. Jacob either didn't seem to notice or was just ignoring my pitiful tone and launched into all the amazing things we could do. I smiled half halfheartedly. I was glad I could make a few people happy. I could do this.. if not for me then for Charlie..

A few days later I woke up to my dad getting ready for the trip. I crept downstairs only to find him smiling, looking more excited than I had seen him in months. It made me feel happy that I was doing this for him. It almost made the pain lessen.. almost. I cleared my throat to announce my presence. Charlie's face went from excited to worried in a second. It broke my heart that he was so worried for me.

"Bella are you sure you want me to go. I can always stay. Billy would eventually get over it. As much as he is my best friend, you are my priority." I smiled at him. "Thanks dad, but I'm ok. Everything will be ok." I started back up the stairs, grabbing my overnight bag. I dragged a brush through my hair and brushed my teeth. I threw on a baggy t-shirt and some jeans. I was back down stairs in less than 10 minutes. "Let's get going dad" and together we walked out the door.