I woke up the next morning with a start. I looked at my bedside clock and saw that it was almost 11 o'clock. I groaned and stretched. I hadn't slept this long in a while. My body was stiff. Suddenly all the events had last night came flooding back. my breath caught in my throat. I could barely breathe. I jumped out of bed and immediately lunged for my phone and prayed that I had a message from Jake.

Well I did, but it wasn't an explanation or an apology.. It was a long paragraph. I tried to take a breath and pay attention to what it said.

"Bella. Plz do not respond to this message as I cant deal with u or ur bulls*it right now. I dont think we should see or talk to each other for a while. Not until I figure out what to do. I really dont care what u want right now. I dont want to hear ur fake apologies or explanations. I want to be left alone. Idk if u came back to my house but if u did, u would see that I did not come home. I couldn't look at ur face. I would rlly appreciate if u would be gone by the time I get back. If u went to ur house, Ill make sure ur dad picks up ur stuff when he comes home tomorrow. Again do NOT contact me. If and When I am ready I will contact u. Goodbye. -J"

I sat on the edge of my bed reading the message over and over again as if I could somehow will it to change. Maybe I read it wrong.. Jake wouldn't say this to me. No matter what he loved me... right? No.. He doesn't care about me. He doesn't want to talk to me. He told me to leave.. after him saying he would never leave me, he left. I let the phone drop from my hands and it clattered to the floor. I felt dead inside. I stood up and looked out my window. I had hoped that I would see someone standing outside waiting for me to open the window... but no one was there. I felt my legs slowly turning into jello and the next thing I knew I was on the ground. I didn't even move. I didn't even care anymore. From the floor, I watched the colors of the sun go from faded yellow and blue to the beautiful pink, purple and orange colors of sunset. My stomach which had grown used to having food every single day growled in protest but I ignored it. I didn't need it.

I lay there until the last of the sunset colors were replaced by darkness. I finally pulled myself up and back into the bed and for the second time that day, stared off into space. My back was sore as I had been laying on the floor for over 8 hours but I didn't care. I barely noticed the pain. I left a voicemail for Dad to let him know that I was at home and could he please pick up my overnight bag. My voice cracked multiple times in the short voicemail so I knew I would probably get a frantic phone call from him when he got cell reception again. I lay down under the covers in the dark for hours. I couldn't fall asleep. All that kept going through my head was that I was unlovable. How I was defective. I had chased away my true love and lead my best friend on and broke his heart.. I was a monster.

I was right. At around 6AM, my phone started blowing up. I ignored it the first 2 times because I had no energy to get out of bed. Finally after the voicemail ring went off for the second time I knew I should probably answer it. I picked up on the third ring. My dad sounded frantic.

"Bella! God, you scared me! What happened? Why did it sound like you were crying? Did Jacob do something? I swear if he hurt you I will-"

"Dad, no. It's not like that" my voice for higher. I could tell I was about to cry. "Jacob didn't do anything to me.. I did something to him." I lost it. I started loudly bawling into the phone. "I hurt.. I broke his heart.. Dad, please I know its a couple days early, but can you come home? Please?"

Charlie went silent. He knew I never asked for comfort like I had just done. I had always been pretty independent. A suffer in silence type of person. Even when I was screaming and crying over Edward, I always pulled away from my father's feeble attempt to comfort me. I preferred curling up in my bed or on my chair and being alone. He cleared his throat before talking "uh.. sure sweetheart. I can be home in about 2 1/2 hours. I will also pick up your stuff from Jake's house. Everything will be ok. We can talk more when I get home"

I nodded and then remembered he couldn't see me. "K dad" I whispered. I heard the beep as he hung up. I set down my phone and looked around. My room was, in my opinion a mess. I quickly grabbed all my clothes from the other day and took them to the laundry. I made my bed. It didn't look right, so I made it again. I must have made it a dozen times. By the time I was done with everything, the whole house looked perfect. I was hanging up the last of my laundry when I heard the front door open. I slowly made my way out of the room and down the stairs. There in the entrance way stood my dad. He was wide eyed and panicked. He noticed where I was and hurried up to me but didn't immediately hug me. I could tell he was scared but cautious. He didn't know what to do.

"Bells... what happened" he slowly put his hands on my shoulders. I took one look at him and burst into tears. I wrapped my arms around his stomach and cried like I was a small child again. He held me close and as my legs started to buckle under me, he dragged me over to the couch. "Please tell me what happened Bella.. how did you 'hurt' Jacob?" I took a deep breath and told him what had happened at the movie theater.

"It was horrible. I was horrible. Here he was trying to pour his heart out to me, asking me to give him a chance, promising to never leave and making all these promises that I knew he would probably never keep. When he straight up asked me to be his girlfriend, I panicked. I didn't even answer him, I just ran into the bathroom... I just needed to calm down for a minute. I tried to give myself a pep talk but I really only feel a best friend type love towards him. It wouldn't be fair to just be with him so I wouldn't be lonely or to hope to learn to be in love with him someday. He deserves to be with someone who wants to be with him. But I was selfish and I wanted to ask him to give me time to think. I want him to be happy b-b-but-" i couldn't control myself again a a new wave of pain and sorrow washed over me. I managed to calm down enough to show him the text that Jacob had sent.

My dad looked confused, like he didn't know what to say. He had really not had to deal with boy problems with me. I could tell he was furious, not at me but at the harsh text that was sent. He told me that no matter what had happened that night, Jacob had no right to say all that stuff to me. He then held me in silence. I started to doze off on his shoulder still he held me close to him all night.

When I awoke the next morning, I found Charlie snoring away on the other side of the couch. I felt a small wave of gratitude. I was surprised to see him still here. Charlie was not one for dramatic conversations. He showed his fatherly love towards me just by being here. I smiled for a minute before waking him up. He had wanted to stop by his job for a bit to catch up on some cases. As he was getting ready, I went to the bathroom to wash my face. A nasty mixture of dried tears and snot covered my entire face. My hair had somehow become a rats nest in the middle of the night. I scrubbed my face until it was raw and brushed my hair and when I felt somewhat presentable, I went back downstairs.

When I reached the bottom, I heard a quiet murmuring. Was someone here? was it Jacob? My heart leapt for a minute. It suddenly hit me that even though he was talking, there was no reply. He was on the phone with someone. I felt stupid but then I was curious. Who would he be talking to? I crept as close as I could so I could hear without being seen. I wanted to listen to the conversation.

"What the hell billy! What is going on? I get home and Bella is having a panic attack and almost collapsed right in the front door!" I couldn't see Charlie's expression but I could probably guess his face was red. "Have you talked to your son about this?" silence. "I saw the texts your son had sent" Did he really have to say that to her? He had no right to text my daughter like that! I get that he was 'hurt' but don't you think that was way out of line?!"

There was a pause, I'm guessing that Billy was replying to Charlie. Suddenly Charlie's voice rose. "Don't start getting defensive with me! You both knew the damage that Cullen boy did to her! You could see it! What about all the nights I would call you, terrified that my daughter had become a living corpse?! What about all this last week when we talked about how her staying on the reservation would be a good change?!" I winced at the mention of Edward or any of the cullens. My heart felt that familiar exploding sensation and I leaned against the wall, feeling like I was going to faint.

Charlie was now all but screaming at the top of his lungs now. "HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HER FRIEND, BILLY! FRIENDS NEVER TALK THAT WAY TO THEIR FRIENDS! NO MATTER WHAT!" A brief pause before Charlie raged again. "FINE, IF YOUR SON IS THAT MUCH OF AN A*HOLE, HE WILL NOT BE SEEING OR TALKING TO HER AGAIN!" Before Billy could answer, Charlie hung up and slammed his phone on the counter. I just stood there, in shock. He still hasn't noticed me. I wasn't gonna say anything, I wanted to back out of the room and be alone, but instead I let out a strangled sob. I knew Charlie was right. He had no right to see or talk to me after what he said. But it hurt knowing that I would possibly never hear from Jake again. My dad turned around and saw me with my hand over my mouth and tears slowly falling down my cheek. He hurried over to me and pulled me into a hug that I greatly accepted. He apologized and tried to explain himself, but I already knew. I wasn't mad. In fact I was kind of numb.

After getting another side hug from Charlie, he shuffled out the door, leaving me alone. I slowly walked up to my room and just sat on my bed. I looked down at my phone. It was basically worthless now. Everyone that had ever used it to contact me was no longer in my life. The only one left was Charlie but he usually called the house phone first. It was just a pointless piece of plastic and wires. I slowly opened the desk drawer and dropped it into it before closing it quickly, as if there was a poisonous snake in my drawer instead of a phone. I turned and went back to sitting in my usual spot by the window where I had sat just a few months ago. I was a statue once again.