11/11/2012 (Last edited on 11/04/2019) – It's finally here! I deeply apologize for the gigantic wait. Hopefully, this chapter will be a return to form in terms of quality since I felt dissatisfied with the last chapter. Oh, and if it's not asking too much, if you do happen to leave a review for this chapter, please tell me how I did in writing Kotomi and Sanae's perspectives. I want to see if I got their characteristics and personalities down. I'm still an amateur writer, so…
Hello, people of FanFiction dot net. I'm back again with the next chapter of my very first fanfic. Thank you for all the reviews, everyone! (26 as of this chapter) ^_^ As the author of this story, I'm happy to see reviews being left behind. It motivates me to continue on with this story of mine. ^_^ For those who don't already know, I do personally respond to every single review that is left behind for my story. I figure that it's the least I can do as the author of this fanfic and communicate with my readers. Even though some of the character's personalities might/will be slightly altered for the sake of my fanfic, I'll try to remain faithful to their overall "spirit" that was portrayed in the anime series. Clannad is my favorite anime series of all time, so I felt compelled to write a story of my own. I hope you enjoy it. And once again, any feedback that you can provide would be nice and very appreciated. ^_^ And with that, here is chapter 6:
Paragraphs in italics denote a flashback. Single words in italics / single words in regular print during a flashback denote emphasis and should be read as such.
Chapter rated T for: Brief mild language, brief sexual content, and thematic material
Genre: Comedy/Drama/Romance/Slice of Life
Pairing(s): (At the moment) Tomoya x Ryou
Crossover(s): None at the moment...
Author's Note #1: Reasons that Chapter 6 took a lot longer than usual: mainly school and I have gone through several rewrites of this chapter. Because of that, I had to change several things that I had planned down on paper to account for these changes. For anyone who asked me about future events occurring in my story, they…might or might not prove true anymore. Sorry for that little inconvenience.
Author's Note #2: The entirety of this chapter takes place before the 10:23 minute mark of episode 18 of the first season and is entirely made up of events from my own imagination. To make up for this chapter not having any events lining up exactly with this part of episode 18, there'll be some…subtle foreshadowing as to the direction that I'm about to take this story of mine in.
Author's Note #3: Tomoya x ?, Sunohara x ? I've now added a poll for Sunohara as well. You can find a link to it in my profile page. Go vote if you already haven't! XD
Author's Note #4: Perspectives – Kotomi, Sanae, Tomoya.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything Clannad-related, even though I wished I did...And from here on out, I do not own any series/movies/video games that I might make references to or decide to make any crossovers with as well.
Clannad ~Different Days~
-The Everyday Arc-
Vague Synopsis - It's not quite the same story that you might remember, even if it feels strangely familiar. A different world, different relationships, different events...different days...
Chapter 6 – A Man Possessed of Some Radical Notions, Part 2
Those who seek out the truth must not be arrogant. They must not think only of themselves. They should never laugh at miracles just because they cannot be proven scientifically. They must never hide their eyes from the beauty of this world. My father… told me those words back when I was a small child. I promised myself… that I would never forget them, ever.
It had been ages since I've last been over to Tomoya-kun's house. Even after all these years, his house was still relatively the same, more or less. Waves of nostalgia were beginning to wash over my mind as a small smile crept onto my face. Tomoya-kun was still the same, the kind and sweet boy that he has always been to me. It's hard to believe that he and I first met right in my backyard. He had stumbled into my backyard out of sheer happenstance, trying to catch a butterfly with a net that he was holding in his hands. I remember... when I first laid eyes on him. He had this look of quiet curiosity on his perplexed face that I'll never forget. The two of us just stared at each other in complete silence for what felt like forever. We were simply fascinated by one another for reasons that couldn't be explained. It wasn't until my mother showed up from behind me that Tomoya-kun realized that he wasn't supposed to be there. As the days passed, Tomoya-kun kept coming over to my house. After school, on the weekends, he visited me very frequently. Back then, I never really understood why he kept coming. My mind couldn't comprehend the fact that a complete stranger would want to befriend me. Regardless, Tomoya-kun always stayed by my side… until an incident drove us apart for years.
The years that I've spent separated from him… were some of the saddest days of my life. There were days on end… where my house was mostly silent, Aoyama-san's presence the only thing breaking through the desolate state. I had pushed my godfather away all of these years, thinking that he was after my father's research thesis, but that didn't turn out to be the case. Of course, I never knew that he was my godfather back then. I had kept my distance from him… without ever giving him a chance to explain his side of the story. I had lost both of my parents. I had lost the only true friend I ever had. I had lost my reason to live. I wanted to be alone. I wanted… to just die. I didn't want to hurt any more.
My mother and father… We were supposed to throw a big party with all of my friends. But, they were two renowned scientists on the verge of a breakthrough of a major discovery. They had to travel overseas for a business trip, but I was young, and my emotions got the better of me. I was infuriated that my parents wouldn't be able to stay for my birthday despite the fact that they promised me. As a result, I… said cruel and painful words to them both, words that I now regret with all of my heart, words… that will forever plague my mind until the day I die.
Every day since my parents died, for these past ten years, I had sought out ways to atone for my sins. I wanted to make amends for the terrible words that I told my parents before they left me. I wanted to atone. I wanted to continue their legacy, as a way of honoring everything they had done for me. My parents wouldn't want me to just throw away my life like that. I had clipped out and collected every single news article that mentioned Kotaro and Mizue Ichinose, my father and mother's names, within its text. In the beginning, I thought if I collected them all, it would act as repentance for my mistake. In my father's room, I plastered every single clipping onto the walls. It continued on and on for a time, but after a while, that didn't feel like it was enough anymore. So, whenever I saw my parent's name in a book, I cut it out and saved it as well, just like the other articles. It slowly became a strange obsession that I couldn't let go of. Cut a news article and post it onto the wall. Lather, rinse, and repeat, over and over and over again, a cycle that I could never break free from.
In the years since, I've studied as hard as I can, from dawn to dusk, from minute to minute, moment to moment, with only brief moments of respite in between. I felt that if I persevered hard enough, even an ungrateful person like me could follow in Mother and Father's footsteps. I didn't appreciate it at that time, but they always used the most beautiful words to express the world around them. Now that I had grown up, now that I was older, I wanted to be able to convey those same emotions that my parents were able to, emotions everyone in the world should know. It was a feeling that few among this earth can ever recreate; not even I was that eloquent with my language.
Despite my desires for atonement, there was also…another reason…a selfish reason…why I wanted to keep on living. Even if the chance was slim, I wanted…to see Tomoya-kun again. If I was dead, then there would be no way to physically see his gentle smile, to hold his warm body in my arms, to touch his soft face with my fingers, to hear his comforting beating heart reverberate through my body and soul. I held onto that tiny shred of hope all these years, and we eventually reunited just recently. At that moment, I knew…that all was right in my world once more. With his help and his friends, who have now become my friends as well, all of us celebrated a birthday party that I never got the chance to experience all those years ago. For the first time in what felt like forever, it felt like…a great burden had been lifted from my mind, as I was finally able to enjoy that party through the eyes of a youthful, inquisitive girl.
The house I was now in, Tomoya-kun's house, was entirely quiet, save for myself and the silver-haired girl who was standing next to me. Running water and clattering bento boxes were the only sounds that filled the now-empty home. The cold water splashed onto the various cooking utensils and bento boxes as the sponge in my hands firmly scrubbed at the grime and residual food still stuck on it. Neither I nor Tomoyo-chan spoke a word to each other as we concentrated on the present task at hand. Even so, I couldn't help but make the occasional quick glance towards the silver-haired girl out of the corner of my right eye.
Regardless of my feelings for him, judging by the scene that unfolded earlier, there were zero uncertainties that I was the only who likes Tomoya-kun. Nagisa-chan and Ryou-chan care for him very deeply. Kyou-chan and Tomoyo-chan are especially passionate about him as well. I couldn't help but worry about the kinds of strain such a conflict would put on everyone's minds. Knowing that the problem would only begin to slowly escalate from this point on, I knew that I couldn't just leave things be, that I had to at least make an attempt to stop this somehow.
"Um, Tomoyo-chan?"
"Hmm? Yes, what is it?"
"Thank you…for letting me help you." I didn't think that Tomoyo-chan would actually to let me stay behind and help her like this, so I felt that thanking her was the least I could do to show my gratitude.
"It's no trouble…Kotomi, right?" I silently nodded my head with a smile on my face. "I'm sorry; we've only talked that one time in the school courtyard a while back, and I was wearing that bear suit, too."
"You don't have to apologize. You still remember my name, even though the two of us have only talked once. I'm really happy that you did."
"Well, Okazaki did say that you were in need of some new friends, so it would've been terrible of me to forget a new friend's name."
"Tomoya-kun…Um, Tomoyo-chan, can I ask you something?"
"Heh, sure. Was that the reason why you wanted to stay behind and help me?"
"Yes, that's precisely why. I…wanted to consult with you…alone." My voice dripped of sullen worry as my eyes now focused on her face. Turning to face me, there was a concerned expression on her face as she slowly began to piece together the motive that still kept me here at Tomoya's house.
"It must be something serious then. Let's finish up here first, okay?" I merely nodded my head in silence as the two of us continued to wash the bento boxes and other utensils and putting them away in the cupboards. Knowing that I was able to confide with a friend put my heart at ease for a little.
"I think I can finish up here by myself. You can go wait in the living room."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I won't be long."
Making my way back over to the living room and sitting down once more at the table, my mind couldn't help but wander back to the girl who was the only other occupant of the house at the moment. Tomoyo Sakagami…I couldn't help but noticed how beautiful she was. Her luscious hair, her sumptuous body, and her well-defined breasts, I couldn't help but stare at awe in silence. It made me wonder…if Tomoya-kun had the same opinion about her beauty as well.
My right hand gradually made its way towards my left breast, the tips of my fingers softly caressing it with slow precision. I wondered whether or not Tomoya-kun ever noticed…my bosom in such a manner. Upon contemplating such thoughts, my mind remembered that one tiny incident that occurred not too long ago.
One morning, I was walking to school up the steep road that lead up to the school. I saw Tomoya-kun up ahead and was about to run up towards him, but before I got the opportunity to proceed, Kyou-chan grabbed my right arm, stopping me dead in my tracks.
"Hey Kotomi, I got a little favor I want you to do for me."
"A favor?"
"Yeah, it's gonna help you with making jabs and retorts, trust me." My ears were listening intently as Kyou-chan told me explicit instructions on what I should do. I certainly had my doubts as to whether or not it would really work, but my eyes caught sight of Tomoya-kun's body gradually disappearing into the distance, so I gladly complied with her request. Running up towards Tomoya-kun would alert me of my presence so I decided to slowly approach him. Walking hurriedly at a quickened pace, I made sure that my shoes didn't make too much noise with the cement.
When I was merely a few paces behind Tomoya-kun, I hesitated for a moment, wondering if this really was a good idea at all. Turning on the heel of my left foot to head back towards Kyou-chan, I noticed her head peeking from behind a nearby tree…with a disappointed and disgusted look on her face. I gave her a pleading look of desperation, but she merely pointed in Tomoya-kun's direction. I sighed in defeat as I took a deep breath as I made my way towards his back. As soon as the distance was closed, both of my arms stretched towards him, my hands covering Tomoya-kun's eyes. My hands gently pulled the weight of his body towards mine.
"Guess who, Tomoya-kun?"
"Hey, wait a minute! Your breasts are pressing against me!"
"My breasts? My breasts are pressing against you?"
"What are you, a Russian gymnast or something? Kotomi, you're standing so close to me that I can feel your breasts being pressed against my back!" Upon this sudden realization, I jumped back several paces, clutching my chest as my heart thumped with rapid rhythm, my cheeks clearly flushed with embarrassment.
"My heart…it's beating so fast!" It was almost suffocating, my breathing slightly stilted, but it wasn't terrible. It was…different. It was…euphoric? There was this warm sensation in my heart after its pace began to slow down from the awkwardness. I didn't know what it was back then, but…
"Who's the weirdo who put you up to doing this embarrassing trick?!"
"That would be me, of course!" Before I had the chance to answer, Kyou-chan had come out of hiding, slowly walking towards us with a wide grin on her face.
"Ugh, I should've known. Stop teaching her strange things. She's a sweet girl."
"Why not? There's nothing to lose from it. Besides, it's not gonna make them any smaller, right?"
I couldn't help but nervously smile at that embarrassingly fond memory, even if it was quite recent. [1] The tips of my fingers were still lingering on my breast, unmoving in its touch, lightly pressing against it, feeling its firm softness. I thought about Tomoya-kun's reaction…when my breasts were pressing against him. His stuttering voice, his lack of eye contact with me…I would assume that he wasn't looking my way to avoid showing me his blushing face, but…was he really that nervous? I was the one who came up to him and hugged him. I had a legitimate reason to find the situation embarrassing, but Tomoya-kun…Was he embarrassed too? It would be the most logical answer that I could think of. My heart…my fingers made their way from my breast over to my heart, where I could feel its pulsating beat. This feeling…it kept quickening and quickening. Pounding, thumping, slowly quickening in rhythm…I could feel a sudden rush of heat to my entire face.
Was I…really in love…with Tomoya-kun?
I'm not sure…if this sensation within me could be defined as love, but no other answer came to my mind. No other person, no family member nor friend that I have made throughout my life, was able to elicit such a response from me. I never had this unusually warm feeling inside of me whenever I was around Aoyama-san or Nagisa-chan or Kyou-chan or Ryou-chan and certainly not Tomoyo-chan right now. Only Tomoya-kun was able to do such a thing, even though he might not be fully conscious of it. This feeling confused me, scared me. It was foreign, alien to a person like me, to someone who never had the pleasure...of falling in love.
Quiet footsteps broke my mind out of its train of thought as Tomoyo-chan sat opposite of me across the table. "So Kotomi, tell me what's on your mind."
There was no time to waste, so I drove straight into the heart of the matter. "Well, it's about…Tomoya-kun…" There was this look of understanding on Tomoy-chan's voice, as if she knew he was going to be the topic of our conversation now.
"Okazaki, huh? By the way, if you don't mind me asking, how long have you known him for, Kotomi?"
"I've known Tomoya-kun since we were little kids. He's a childhood friend of mine."
"Ah, is that so?" I silently nodded my head in quiet approval. "Do you…like him?" Her words stabbed my heart, giving me pause. She was being direct with her questions as well. Tomoyo-chan was certainly not oblivious to my plight. I had a feeling that Tomoyo-chan would ask me that question, but even so, my silent hesitation spoke volumes of how much this issue was plaguing my thoughts. Considering that even I didn't know how to respond to her inquiry, I simply took a deep breath…before telling her the truth.
"I…I don't know for sure. I've always considered Tomoya-kun to be a close friend and nothing more...but lately…"
"…You've been having second thoughts?" The silver-haired girl was able to finish my thoughts before I could even summon them through words.
"Yes. Ever since I've been…reunited with Tomoya-kun, I've been…wondering…what my feelings are for him. He was my first and only friend when we were little kids. If it weren't for him, then I wouldn't have met Nagisa-chan, Kyou-chan, Ryou-chan, Sunohara-kun, and you as well, Tomoyo-chan. I'm perfectly content with remaining friends with Tomoya-kun and leaving it at that, but a part of me…is afraid."
"Afraid of what, Kotomi?"
"I…I don't want to lose my best friend…ever again. I lost Tomoya-kun once…and it was one of the saddest moments of my life. But, I remember…feeling so happy when I saw him for the first time in years in the school library. I knew then and there…that I didn't want to be separated from him…ever again. It didn't matter to me if we were friends…or l-lovers…I just…want to be by his side, that's all. Unfortunately, this is where things become…a little more complicated."
"How so?"
"Um, could I ask you something first, Tomoyo-chan?" I never thought that I was capable of carrying a private conversation of such nature and yet, here I was, spilling my thoughts onto her. I felt a little proud and happy for myself, for it felt like a heavy weight was lifted off of me.
"Sure, go ahead." Tomoyo-chan's smile was warm and inviting. Despite the fact that I barely knew her, I felt that I could trust her in telling these sensitive thoughts of mine to her. Wanting to know more about her relationship to Tomoya-kun, I decided to be straightforward in my line of questioning.
"Do you like Tomoya-kun?" I knew what her answer was going to be; I simply wanted to hear how she was going to phrase it. But, a part of me had suspicions that Tomoyo-chan was going to give…a different answer. I saw…a wistful expression on her face as her eyebrows furrowed, her sapphire eyes on the table sharpening. There was a slight hesitation in her wanting to give me a proper answer. She was in deep thought, most likely contemplating and preparing an adequate answer for me. After several moments of complete silence, Tomoyo-chan finally spoke up, her eyes meeting mine head on with a quiet intensity burning inside those indigo orbs.
"…I like him…as a friend…but I don't know if I can afford to be in that kind of relationship with him at the moment."
"Why not?" To be honest, I wasn't expecting such a response from Tomoyo-chan at all. My curiosity couldn't help but be raised as a result.
"Student council elections are coming up soon. If by some miracle I get elected president, then most of my time will be spent focusing on my duties. I don't think I can be in a romantic relationship with anyone during my tenure."
"Oh, I see." It was a weak response, but I didn't know what else to say to her. A part of me was happy to hear that, since that meant that there was one less person that was going to be involved in this entire mess. And yet, at the same time, a part of me felt saddened by the truth, because I knew that Tomoyo-chan would want to let her feelings for Tomoya-kun be known to him.
"Well, on the bright side, that means you have a chance to be with him, Kotomi."
"But what about you, Tomoyo-chan? Don't you have feelings for Tomoya-kun?"
"I…I might." Closing her eyes momentarily, I saw a defeated smile on her face as she looked at me with perplexing irony. "I guess we're in the same boat, then. Lately, I haven't stopped thinking about him. I guess…I really have fallen for him. But then again, it's kinda hard not to fall for a guy like him."
"Yes, Tomoya-kun…is really kind and caring. Does that…make the two of us…rivals, Tomoyo-chan? I don't want to fight with my friends. Watching you and Kyou-chan arguing earlier…kinda scared me a little."
"I don't want to fight either, Kotomi, but it seems to be inevitable at this point, since all of us have feelings for Okazaki in some way."
"I wish there was a way to peacefully resolve this. It would be nice if all of us could share Tomoya-kun…" If only life were that convenient, there would be no drama…
"You know that polygamy is illegal, right?" Tomoyo-chan must have interpreted that as a joke, for she was stifling a subdued laughter that was trying to escape from her lips.
"Yes, I'm well aware, but it couldn't hurt to postulate. At least, all of us would be happy." A part of me was serious about this scenario, however impractical it may be in actuality. We wouldn't have to fight; we would all be able to get along with each other.
"Yes, all of us would be happy. Things would be conveninent…a little too convenient, though. There's still one other problem that needs to be addressed first, though."
"Huh? What problem?"
"Okazaki…one day, after school, when me, him, and Sunohara were about to walk home together, he mentioned that he wasn't looking for a girlfriend."
"Why not?" Hearing those words shocked me on the inside. A male mentioning that he wouldn't want a girlfriend…it's not something a person would openly decide without good reason. I had a feeling Tomoyo-chan thought the same thing when Tomoya-kun told her that.
"Okazaki said that his home situation is a mess at the moment. He and his father…don't exactly get along at all."
"Speaking of his father, where is Naoyuki-san anyway?"
"He said he was going to meet up with an old friend today. Other than that, he didn't really specify where he was going…" Tomoyo-chan was lost in deep thought once before, but before she could get anywhere, her eyes widened at a sudden realization as she looked at me with curious eyes. "Wait, you know Okazaki's father?"
"Yes, when we were still little, I did go over to Tomoya-kun's house a few times. I met his dad…and his mom as well. They were both very kind people, like my parents were. It's hard to believe…that Tomoya-kun and his father…don't get along anymore. And from the look of things, his mother is also gone too. Did she…pass away?" Unable to meet my gaze, Tomoyo-chan simply looked down towards the table in front of us, diverting her eyes from mine. Feeling that I had asked too personal a question, I mimicked her action, a small feeling of shame lingering inside of me.
"Okazaki…hasn't really mentioned anything about his mom to me. I guess we can both come to our own conclusions about what happened to her. It most likely explains the bitter relationship that those two share now."
"I wonder…if there's anything the two of us can do to help them." As my eyes turned upward to meet Tomoyo-chan's body, I saw her sapphire eyes staring depressingly at the table in front of us. I knew that something else was troubling her, but Tomoyo-chan spoke before I had the opportunity to inquire myself.
"I know what it's like…to be in a dysfunctional family. I can relate to Okazaki in a sense. At least, that's what I want to believe. There was a time in my life where my parents didn't get along. Things just kept getting worse and worse between the two of them. It eventually got to a point where my parents were planning on getting a divorce. It wasn't until my brother…did something foolishly courageous that my parents reconsidered the idea. We finally became a real family for the very first time after that incident."
"I think...I can relate to Tomoya-kun's situation as well. I lost…both of my parents in a tragic accident when I was a little child…"
"I'm sorry to hear that, Kotomi."
"You don't need to apologize on my behalf. I'm sure…that my mother and father…wouldn't want me to grieve for them for the rest of my life. After my parents died, my godfather Aoyama-san came to raise me. Of course, I didn't know who he was back then. I thought that he was a bad man who came to take my parents' research. He tried to explain to me that he was a colleague of my parents and was now my legal guardian, but I…I was too upset over my parents dying to listen to anything he told me. Over the years, I limited my contact with Aoyama-san, keeping silent during the few times he visited my house. It wasn't until recently that I was able to overcome my fear of him and finally come to terms with my own past…and I couldn't have done it…without Tomoya-kun there with me."
"Sounds like you owe him a lot, huh?"
"Yes, I'm very grateful that Tomoya-kun is my friend. I…I want to try…to fix the relationship between him and his father. I think it's the least I can do for him, after everything he's done for me."
"Do you think I could be of some help?"
"Sure, I don't mind at all. I don't think this is going to be easy at all, so I could use all the assistance I can find."
"I'm going to go look around Tomoya-kun's house for a bit."
"Sure, let me go get my things. I'll meet up with you by his room."
The two of us went our separate ways for a bit as I went looking around the house, trying to familiarize myself with the layout. With each step that I took, foreign hallways and furniture became more familiar to me, slowly rekindling small fragmented memories of my brief time in this house. Drawing from my memory, I was able to find Tomoya-kun's room with great ease. His room was on the second floor, left of the top of the stairs. Sliding open the door to his room, I met a very recognizable sight. A plain old white mattress with a wooden bed frame was adjacent to a desk. Two metal shelves with a radio resting atop on the left shelf were on the eastern side of his room, with books and journals filled to the brimmed, leaving little space for any more to be added. A charcoal black desk resting adjacent to the bed was where I assumed Tomoya-kun did most of his homework. Teal curtains kept the sunlight from outside from pervading the room except for a tiny sliver down the middle.
I remember coming into this room back in my younger days. Tomoya-kun and I would play in this room quite often, either watching TV or simply playing video games. Even though those happy times were brief and a distant memory, I would never forget the joy that I felt whenever I was with him. There were times where I fantasized myself being back in those days of yesteryear, when the world was much simpler to me, when my parents were still alive, when Tomoya-kun still got along with his father.
Unaware that I was staring off into space, my mind jolted back into reality again, finding myself standing by the door to Tomoya-kun's room. Regardless as to how much time has passed since then, I knew deep down that there were some things in the world that would always remain, that endure with time, that…
"Some things…never change." It came as a soft whisper, speaking to no one in particular.
"Ah, I see you found his room." Slowly canting my head around me, I wasn't aware that Tomoyo-chan was standing behind me.
"Yes, well, I have been inside of his room before. Tomoya-kun and I used to play around in here sometimes."
"I've been waking him in the morning for the past few days now."
"Really?"
"Uh-huh. I've been coming over here in the mornings to wake him up, even before his suspension."
"If you don't mind me asking, what exactly happened?" Ryou-chan had given a brief explanation of Tomoya-kun's suspension yesterday at school, but beyond that, I wasn't aware of the exact details surrounding the incident.
"Sunohara messed around with the wrong people while he, Tomoya, and I were walking home one day. And those punks decided to pay us a visit after school. I was the one who did most of the fighting, but Okazaki took the blame for it to save me."
"That's something that Tomoya-kun would do, that's for sure."
"Yes, it is. Coming over here, waking him up every morning, making sure he gets to school on time…I figured…it's the least I can do for him after what happened."
"Is that…the only thing you do?"
"Well, I make breakfast for myself, Okazaki and his father as we-Wait, what exactly were you thinking, Kotomi?"
"Well…you are alone whenever you go to wake Tomoya-kun up, and he is sleeping, so-"
"Wait, it's not what you think!" Before I could continue on, Tomoyo-chan had interrupted me, a visible blush accompanying eyes filled with disbelief.
"Wait, what is?" My head canted to the side as I waited for a reaction.
"Uh…" Her eyes had darted off to the side, avoiding mine.
"What did you think I was about to say, Tomoyo-chan?"
"This…I think this is just one big misunderstanding. Ehehe…"
"Misunderstanding?" My head unconsciously titled towards the other side in confusion. What did Tomoyo-chan think I was implying to begin with? Did she believe that I was implying something of a…sexual nature? Coming upon that epiphany, my cheeks instantly flushed, mirroring the girl standing next to me. A heavy air now permeated between Tomoyo and I, making it difficult for either of us to speak up in fear of embarrassment.
"I wonder…if Nagisa-chan will be able to revive the Drama Club." I hoped that a change in topic would alleviate the both of us, and it seemed to have worked.
"She's the one who Okazaki is trying to help revive the club for, right?"
"Yes, that's correct. Have the two of you met before?"
"I'm…not sure. I remember…back at the Founder's Festival, I saw a brunette-haired girl with Okazaki." [2]
"Yes, that's Nagisa-chan, all right."
"I think I also ran into her in the hallways as well. She was with Okazaki then, too. Well, the two of us never really got the chance to talk."
"Do you want to go visit her? She's currently sick with a small fever, so I was planning on visiting her. I'm sure that she would be happy and grateful to have company. Also, I wanted to talk to her as well. Maybe you can come with me and talk with her as well."
"I would rather leave her alone, so that she can rest up…but if you think seeing her will cheer her up, then I'll tag along, too."
"Nagisa-chan is probably the closest person to Tomoya-kun. She'll most certainly know things about him that we don't. I was hoping to ask her a few things. Is it safe to assume that you also want to inquire her about Tomoya-kun?"
"Yes, it's safe to make that assumption. But, like you said, she's sick with a fever, even if it's a mild one. The last thing I would want is to cause her any more stress. I'll probably ask her a few things and be on my way."
"Should we be leaving soon?"
"Yes, that we should." As I closed the door to his room, the two of us made our way to the front of the house. Locking the door before leaving, the two of us were now out on the pavement of the sidewalk.
"Wait, I don't know where Furukawa lives."
"I can show you the way, Tomoyo-chan."
"Thank you, it would be much appreciated." She gave me a courteous bow as a slight breeze rustled her silvery-brown hair and her gray skirt. I lead the way as Tomoyo-chan followed me from behind, the soft pattering of our shoes giving rhythm to our steps. Ten minutes later, Tomoyo-chan had moved to my side as the two of us continued walking side by side. There were no words that were exchanged between the two of us. We simply enjoyed the serene splendor of Mother Nature. The chirping of the birds and cicadas, the gentle cool breeze that cooled our hair and clothes, the occasional pedestrian walking in the opposite direction, I felt that today…was going to be a productive day for me. At least, that's what my mind believed.
Belief, like fear or love, is a force to be understood as we understand the theory of relativity and principles of uncertainty, phenomena that determine the course of our lives. Yesterday, my life was headed in one direction. Today, it is headed in another. Yesterday, I believed I would never have done what I did today. These forces that often remake time and space, that can shape and alter who we imagine ourselves to be, begin long before we are born and continue after we perish. Our lives and our choices, like quantum trajectories, are understood from moment to moment. At each point of intersection, each encounter suggests a new potential direction. [3]
As the two of us silently walked to the Furukawa bakery, my mind arrived at the one obvious supposition that would explain everything that I had felt up until now: I have fallen in love…with my childhood friend, Tomoya Okazaki.
Was that…possible? I had just…met Tomoya-kun again after all these years, and yet…I felt…like something important, something…life-altering…has happened to me. It was…something rare, something that I wanted to reach out and claim for my own. I knew…that if I let this slipped away, I would regret it for the rest of my life.
Even though I'm not the only one who loves Tomoya-kun, even though…he might not reciprocate my feelings for him, as long as he was happy with someone, with anyone, regardless as to who that person would turn out to be, I knew…that I could find the strength to smile for him, even if it would make me a little sad on the inside. As long as I could be near him…that would be enough for me.
My head peered over to my right ahead to look at Tomoyo-chan as we both continued walking in peace. She would be a much better option as Tomoya-kun's lover…than I would be. I felt…conflicted, happy and sad at the same time. I shouldn't be making assumptions as to what kind of person Tomoya-kun looks for in a girlfriend, but a part of me was pessimistic about my chances. I didn't realize that I was staring at her at that point and it was a tiny miracle that I hadn't stumbled on the breaks or cracks in the sidewalk, tripped, fallen, or walked into anyone or anything at that point. She apparently noticed my gaze, as she simply smiled at me without asking me a single thing. I merely returned her gesture with a tender smile of my own.
…Tomoyo-chan…is a really fascinating person.
What does it mean…to be a parent? What does it mean to bring a child into this world? To raise that child? To watch it grow before our very eyes? To see it stumble, fall, and rise? To love it with all of our heart? I remember asking myself those questions back when I first married Akio-san. The two of us wanted to have a child of our own, but we didn't have any experience with children in general, much less raising one. He and I wed shortly after we graduated from high school. Most people would tell us that we were foolishly rushing into marriage. Both of us were in a hurry to grow up, even though we didn't fully understand why. Our parents were rather upset with our impulsive decision. It took a lot of begging from Akio-san to in order to convince them both that we were fully committed to each other and were both ready to accept whatever the consequences that our decision may have on their and our lives.
I still remember…that one night…where we were both lying in our futons, naked under the covers. It was our first night…together. My right arm reached out to grab his hand as we were lying in our separate futons that were next to each other. My eyes were starting to close on me, exhaustion slowly overtaking us both. I mustered up whatever remaining strength I had to stay conscious, to smile…at Akio-san.
"Thank you…"
"Did I…do okay?" There was an embarrassed frown on my husband's face when he asked me that. Considering that…that was our first time, I couldn't blame him for wondering whether or not he was…adequate enough for me. To this very day, Akio-san rarely shown that side of himself to anyone else, even me.
"You did wonderful, dear." I moved my entire body closer to Akio-san's as he gently draped his left arm around me, pressing me firmly against him.
"Sanae?"
"Yes, dear?"
"…Stay with me…always…" I couldn't help but giggle at his concern for me.
"Always…So, please…don't ever worry about that, okay? Akio-san…do you think…we're ready to be parents?" I wanted to know whether or not he had the same concerns that I did. Akio-san took one deep breath before responding.
"…I won't lie to you, Sanae. I have my doubts that I'll be able to do it, but…you'll help me, right?"
"Of course, we are married after all. We're both going to have to rely on each other for support if we want to make this work." My ears were now pressed against his chest as I could faintly hear and feel the slow beating of his heart. It was a steady, rhythmic pulse like the pendulum on a grandfather clock. Time was irrelevant to me in that moment. Being beside Akio-san like that was comforting to me as I knew intimate encounters like those would not last forever. I had to make the most of such precious moments.
Even with all the heavy thoughts that were burdening me right now, I couldn't help but smile at that…intimately fond memory that I shared with my husband. It was the only form of solace for me right now from my worries for Nagisa. Piece by piece, I unloaded the tray full of bread onto the glass display with the scooper in my hand. A pair of footsteps gradually increasing in volume alerted me to an incoming presence. Turning my head towards the source of the noise, I saw a hand gently parting the noren [4] to the side, revealing the obvious to me.
"Akio-san."
"Good morning, Sanae. What's wrong? You don't look so well." He must've noticed the glum look on my face then and there. My concerns were weighing so heavily on me, I forgot to put on a cheery façade. Even if I had tried, he would've known that something was bothering me. I've never been the best at hiding my emotions, especially from my husband.
"It's…about Nagisa."
"About what happened last night?"
"I…I wanted to console her. I don't want to see our daughter cry like that." A mother…watching her daughter cry and being unable to do anything to console her…it was one of the most painful things a mother could feel, that feeling of helplessness. Akio-san's right arm reached out to me as he put his right hand on my shoulder.
"I know it's painful, Sanae. But you have to understand, unless Nagisa decides to tell us about it, we can't really meddle in her affairs. I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I'm just worried about her."
"I know…" Akio-san's voice was a whisper now as he wrapped his arms around my small body, comforting me from my worried thoughts. "…I know."
"I think we're lucky…to have a daughter like Nagisa, you know? Most teenagers usually keep to themselves or outright rebel at this point in their lives. Nagisa…is different. She never gets angry at us. We never really argued with her as well. "
"Yeah, I know what you mean. I guess that means…that we've been good to her…haven't we?"
"Yes, I believe so. I want to believe that, but I wish Nagisa would talk to us about what's going on in her mind right now. I know that she doesn't want us worrying about her, but being secretive like that is only hurting her more and more."
"Are we any better, Sanae?" We're keeping one pretty big secret from Nagisa. Do we have any right? We have to trust in her, that she'll come around and talk to us whenever she's ready."
Hearing Akio-san mention about the incident, I thought back on our younger days. We were both diligently busy with our jobs. But, as a result, we neglected our responsibility as parents to look after Nagisa. A near-death experience with our daughter…changed both of our lives forever.
"I'm sorry…if I seem harsh."
"It's okay, Akio-san. I know that you're just doing what you think is best."
"I blame all of this on the brat." Upon hearing my husband using that derisive term to describe a certain boy, I was quick to come to his defense.
"Tomoya-san? But you can't really blame him for this."
"But he's the reason our daughter was crying last night to begin with!"
"But it's not like Tomoya-san intentionally made Nagisa upset. You shouldn't be so harsh on him."
"Why are you defending him anyway?"
"Tomoya-san is a gentle-hearted person, who is also close friends with our daughter. He reminds me of you in a lot of ways, Akio-san."
"Me and him…similar? Are you crazy?"
"No, I'm being serious. Tomoya-san is like a spitting image of you, Akio-san."
"I honestly can't see it. I probably don't want to, either." My husband looked away from me, his eyes closed and his arms crossed, a visibly irritated pout adorning his face.
"I figured as much." I couldn't help but giggle at his childish demeanor. As much as Akio-wanted to deny it, he and Tomoya-san are a lot alike.
Tomoya Okazaki…I still remember the day…or rather night…that I first laid eyes upon him. I was surprised to see a customer stopping by the bakery at that time of the night.
"Hello? Is anyone here?" A young boy with dark blue hair had stepped into the bakery with an unassuming look of slight nervousness in his face, as if he was wondering whether or not he was at the right place. My chocolate brown eyes immediately took notice of the clothes that he was wearing on his person. A pale yellow blazer with a white shirt underneath, with a red tie to top things off…upon noticing the third-year emblem that was stitched onto his left breast pocket, I suddenly realized that not only did he attended the same high school that Nagisa did, the boy was also in the same grade as well. Naturally, I assumed that he was a fellow classmate, or better yet, her actual friend. Of course, I didn't want to say anything if I was wrong. The embarrassment would have driven me out of the store in an instant. But I was brimming with hopeful optimism that my daughter had finally made a new friend, and a boy nonetheless as well!
"That's our new item this week."Tomoya-san was now holding up one of my bread as he was observing it with stern curiosity as he reached out to grab it.
"It would just thrill me if you'd take a bite!" Holding it in his right head, Tomoya-san was now sniffing the bread, taking in its scent. I didn't see any indications on his face that the bread was off-putting, so I kept urging him on to try my creation.
"You needn't pay for it. It's just a leftover. The concept behind it is the word, 'calmness.'"
"Calmness? Okay, then. I think I'll give one a try." As he took a single bite, I couldn't help but gleefully grin at a new person trying out my culinary pastries. A loud crunch echoed throughout the building as I continued to watch him gradually eat the bread away.
"There's a rice cracker inside. I call it the Crispy Crackly Rice Cracker bun!"
"This may be the strangest name for a pastry, but the taste is even stranger than the name is."
"It is, isn't it? It was a winning idea!" As Tomoya-san kept chewing in silence, my mind grew worried that the bread wasn't to his liking. "What's wrong? You don't like the bun?"
"What isn't wrong? I'm gonna have to be really honest. This thing is a total disaster!"
"What?! Isn't it tasty?"
"There's a problem with the taste, yes. But it's just too hard to eat. It's obvious to me why these travesties haven't sold yet. Ah!" Tears were welling up inside of me as his blunt honesty tore my heart to pieces.
"You don't…like my pastries? My homemade…pastries?" I was choking back tears at this point, doing my best to maintain face…
"Just... just a..."
"So it's plain to see why they haven't sold!" …But it proved futile in the end. I remember running outside into the street and into the darkness of the night. I didn't run to any particular location; I just…wanted to get away. I knew that I still had a long way to go before my bread would even taste remotely good, let alone great, but I was surprised to see Tomoya being so completely blunt about how they tasted. I've always been terrible at hearing any criticisms being directed my way, even if those same criticisms were not born from hatred or malice but of genuine concern. Just hearing anything negative would put a damper in my spirits and a bruise on my self-esteem. Everyone who knew me and my husband kept quiet about the bread's actual taste out of consideration for my feelings. But this was the first time that Tomoya-san had met me, so he wouldn't know of this…unspoken rule that everyone in the neighborhood had subconsciously abided me. But hearing him be so honest about it, knowing that he had no reason to lie to me about the bread's flavor, it made me smile on the inside. He could've lied to me out of courtesy, but instead, he chose the path of honesty. That was the night…that Tomoya-san caught my undivided attention.
"But…"
"Huh?" I didn't think Akio-san would add anything further beyond what he just mentioned earlier, so I was intrigued as to what he was going to say next. Hearing him say "but" meant that there was at least a second thought that made him reconsider his previous statement.
"…As much as I don't want to admit this, I owe that kid my life. For the first time in ages, Nagisa actually comes home with a smile on her face." That much, I know for a fact.
"Tomoya-san…certainly has had a huge influence on Nagisa, hasn't he? I certainly wouldn't mind having him as a son-in-law." The thought of having Tomoya-san as a son-in-law was a very pleasing one indeed. I couldn't help but grin at such that idea that suddenly entered my mind. Akio-san must have noticed it, for he gave me a somewhat puzzled look of disgust.
"Uh, aren't you jumping the gun a little, Sanae?"
"Maybe…but it's certainly a nice thought, wouldn't you agree?" Before my husband could give a proper answer to my question, we both heard the front door to the bakery opening. Our gazes met the eyes of two girls, one with indigo and the other with lavender.
"Hello, and good evening." Both girls simultaneously greeted us both as they bowed before us.
"Ah, you're one of Nagisa's friends, aren't you?" I recognized the girl with the purple hair, but not the one with the silver hair. She had stopped by the bakery once before.
"Yes, my name is Kotomi Ichinose from class 3-A. It's very nice to meet you two again. I was hoping…would it be okay if my friend and I here were to meet with Nagisa-chan right now? I know that she's sick, but we thought that having company around might cheer her up."
"I'm Tomoyo Sakagami, a junior at Hikarizaka. I'm more of an acquaintance of Furukawa-san than an actual friend, but I would like to be to become closer with your daughter." Both girls spoke with a heartfelt eloquence that told me of their kindness. I was happy that my daughter could come to know such people in her life.
"We're glad that you two stopped by. Nagisa might still be sleeping, so let's go check up on her." Before Akio-san could take another step, I stopped him in his tracks, giving him a look of slight disapproval.
"Akio-san, we haven't properly introduced ourselves to Tomoyo-chan here." Turning my attention from my husband to Tomoyo-chan, I replicated her earlier action of bowing. "I'm Nagisa's mother, Sanae Furukawa, and this is my husband, Akio Furukawa. Please follow us, and thank you for being so considerate of her well-being."
"We should be the ones thanking you, Furukawa-san."
"Please, call me Sanae. You needn't be so formal."
"Yeah, same here. Sanae and I aren't too strict about formalities to begin with. You can call me Akio."
"Thank you…Sanae-san…Akio-san." The four of us made our way up the stairs as we quietly walked towards Nagisa's room, stopping short of opening the door. Knocking on the door gently, I called out to her, wondering if she was still asleep.
"Nagisa, are you awake yet?"
"Oh, good morning, mom. I thought I heard someone downstairs."
"Yes, you did. You have some company, dear."
"Company? Who?" Upon opening the door, I was greeted with the sight of my daughter was still asleep, her hair slightly ruffled from sleep. It wasn't until Nagisa stared at the sight of a waving Kotomi-chan and smiling Tomoyo-chan that she realized that she was in the presence of others, as a small blush found its way onto her cheeks.
"Ah, Kotomi-chan, Sakagami-san, good morning! I…uh…need to get ready first. Could you two…wait a few moments?"
"Sure, sorry that we barged in like that, Furukawa."
"It's okay. Please, don't worry about it. And you can call me Nagisa."
"Heh, I'll do it…on one condition."
"Huh, what condition?"
"Please address me by my first name. I don't think it's right for friends to be too formal."
"Um, Tomoyo-san?"
"That still might be a little too formal. And technically speaking, you're in a grade above me. If anything, I should be calling you Furukawa-senpai."
"No, no, that's okay! Hearing you say that, it sounds…really strange. I think I understand what you mean."
"Then…Nagisa should be fine, yes?"
"Hehe, okay then…Tomoyo-chan."
"Okay, we'll be waiting outside your room then…Nagisa."
As the four of us were waiting outside of Nagisa's room, we decided to make some small idle talk. Akio-san and I inquired our two guests about how they knew our daughter. Tomoyo-chan explained that she had briefly run into her at the Founder's Festival a few weeks ago. On the other hand, Kotomi-chan was a person that Tomoya-san had introduced to Nagisa as a prospective member for the Drama Club.
"Kotomi-chan, Tomoyo-chan, I'm ready. Sorry to keep you two waiting." Upon hearing her voice, I simply smiled at the two girls as they bowed before entering Nagisa's room.
"It's okay, Nagisa-chan. I hope you're feeling better." Kotomi-chan was the first to enter her room with Tomoyo-chan following behind. She gave both my husband and I a polite bow before gently closing the door.
"Wait here, Sanae." Turning my attention over to Akio-san, I noticed that his voice was merely a whisper now, unlike his usual boisterous self, as he hurriedly but quietly made his way downstairs. My head couldn't help but tilt slightly to the right as I wondered what he was up to. It wasn't until he returned with two glass cups in both of his hands that I immediately understood what he was planning.
"Are you really planning on eavesdropping on our daughter and her two friends?" My voice had dropped to a whisper as well, as I didn't want to draw any attention from anyone inside of Nagisa's room.
"I'm worried…and I know you're worried, too. That's why…I have to know what's bugging Nagisa."
"This doesn't feel right at all. We're invading her privacy here."
"If you don't wanna listen, then that's fine with me. I won't blame you."
"Are the cups really necessary? The doors aren't too thick."
"Just let me have my fun, Sanae!" Akio-san's exclamation was a subdued, harsh whisper with a childishly pleading tone in it. I couldn't but quietly laugh at my husband's remark. I had to cover my mouth with my left hand to keep myself from being exposed. He was definitely a goofball with a juvenile sense of humor at times, but it was moments like these that make me appreciate him more. Even in his silliness, there was something…genuinely kind about him. It was a quality that I also found in Tomoya-san as well. Akio-san offered me the cup in his right hand as I reluctantly accepted as we both softly pressed it against the door, our faces now facing each other and our ears intensely focusing on the occupants inside of the room.
"So, what brings you two over on a Sunday morning?"
"Well, there's something that I want to talk to you about. Do you mind hearing me out, Nagisa?"
"Sure, I don't mind. Kotomi-chan, are you over here for the same reason as well?"
"Yes, Tomoyo-chan and I both figured that you can be the one to help us out."
"Really? I'm not sure if I could be of any help at all. You two are much smarter than me, Kotomi-chan especially."
"You should give some more credit to yourself, Nagisa. I'm definitely sure you're more knowledgeable in this case."
"Well, if you really believe that I can help you, then…I'll give it my best. What's on your mind right now?"
"It's about…" Kotomi-chan's voice…just simply stopped then and there. I couldn't help but ponder why she hesitated. It must've been something that really troubled her. The fact that both Kotomi-chan and Tomoyo-chan were confident that Nagisa was the only one who could help them…my mind came to one conclusion. It definitely had to be about…
"…Tomoya-kun."
…I knew it.
A yawned escaped from my mouth as my blurred eyes were greeted with the scenery of the park. From the soft swaying of the leaves to the rushing water from the fountain the pond, everything and everyone was serene and quiet. The faint sounds of laughter were off in the distance. Kids must have been playing somewhere quite a ways away from where I was. And then I realized…
Everything was lop-sided.
Realizing that my head was now resting upon a perpendicular angle, my head tilted slightly before seeing Ryou's surprised but endearing smile. Another yawn involuntarily escaped as my right immediately rushed to cover my mouth, a blush now pervading my face.
"Hehe, good morning, Tomoya-kun."
"Good mor—wait…I thought I was sleeping on your shoulder."
"Well, I finished eating a while ago, and I decided that maybe it would be more comfortable for you if you…rested your head on my lap for a bit."
"Yeah, I have to admit…it did feel great. I'm not used to waking up this early on a Sunday morning. Sorry for falling asleep like that."
"You needn't apologize. I…had fun."
"Really? From just watching me…sleep?" My right eyebrow arched in confusion, her answer puzzling to me. I couldn't wrap my head around the idea that she got any entertainment out of just watching me sleep with a silent patience, but it wasn't like she did anything to me, so it was a moot point.
"I thought…you looked really…cute and peaceful…just sleeping there. It made me…really happy."
"I didn't really do anything…but I'm glad that I could make you happy." I smiled at Ryou's face, reassuring her that I didn't held any contempt for her observing me in slumber. I closed my eyes again, reveling in the peacefulness that I now found myself in.
"What are you thinking about, Tomoya-kun?"
"Lots of thing, to be honest." I still kept my eyes closed as I vainly tried to fall back asleep but to no avail.
"Like what?" Her question came out a tender whisper. I knew that there was an earnest curiosity behind her inquiry that wasn't going to die until she received a satisfactory answer from me. Keeping one eyelid closed while opening the other, my indigo eyes met her sapphire.
"It's…a little embarrassing to admit, but…I never really noticed…how lovely your eyes are."
"U-u-um…" My random compliment drew a furious blush gracing her face, as her eyes darted left and right in flustered nervousness, her speech caught in her throat. I couldn't resist the urge to grin at the amusing sight before my very eyes. I don't think I would ever get tired of embarrassing Ryou, as I always did find teasing her to be amusing as she always fell for one prank or another of mine.
It was... oddly endearing to me in a way.
"But then again, I don't make it a habit to stare at people's eyes to begin with." In hindsight, that compliment was as cheesy and clichéd as a pickup line can get…but I was being honest. Saying it any other way wouldn't have changed much, if anything at all.
"Hehe, um, thank you, Tomoya-kun. I'm glad…you feel that way." The two of us remained silent as I soaked the quietness of nature around me, letting Mother Nature's voice sooth my ears. My eyes closed once more.
"Tomoya-kun, what's wrong?"
It wasn't until I opened my eyes that I realized that my vision was slightly blurred, slightly…watery. Ryou's right index finger gently brushed a stray tear away from my right cheek and eye. "Were you…crying?"
"I guess I wasn't even aware of it until now. Sorry, maybe I'm just really sleepy." I saw the look of concern on her face. I didn't want her to worry, so I simply voiced my thoughts to her. "I think…simple moments in life like these…are the ones people tend to take for granted the most. I know…that these moments…aren't going to last forever, so I want to enjoy them while I still can."
"I think I can understand. All of us will be graduating soon. Have you thought about what you wanted to do after graduation, Tomoya-kun?"
"Truth be told, I can't say I have given the future much thought myself."
"Well, uh...there's no need to rush."
"I don't know about that. If all I did was sit around and do nothing, I think you might be a little disappointed in me."
"That's…that's not true at all! No matter what happens, I'll never be disappointed in you. Just…please be yourself."
"Be myself, huh?"
"You told me earlier…how I should just…be myself, that I shouldn't have to worry about measuring up to onee-chan."
"That I did. Never thought my advice would be turned back towards me that quickly, though. But, thank you, Ryou."
"You're welcome, Tomoya-kun."
"You patting my head…and wiping my tear away…it reminded me of my mom for a brief moment."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Speaking of your parents, where are they anyway? I didn't see either of them this morning…and I remember…Sakagami-san mentioning that you and your father don't get along." Upon hearing Ryou mentioning the topic of my father, I froze, petrified that she even remembered the conversation from this morning. Earlier, Tomoyo had accidentally revealed that bad blood existed between my father and me.
"Do you…really want to know?"
"If it's too personal, then I'll stop asking. Please forgive me." Her response came quick and abrupt. I wanted to reassure her that it wasn't her fault.
"You…you don't need to apologize. I guess…the truth will have to come out…sooner or later. I've only told Nagisa about this."
"No one else knows about this?"
"Yeah, you're going to be the second person that I'm telling this to."
"…Thank you, Tomoya-kun, for trusting me this much. I feel…so honored."
"We're friends…and an unofficial couple as well. It's the least I can do for you." I closed my eyes as I told Ryou my history. "My mom…her name was Atsuko Okazaki. She was a kind and loving mother. She was strict, but she always showed compassion as well. She died when I was young in a car accident. Because of that, my…father…he drowned himself in liquor to numb the pain of his loss. He just wanted…to escape from it all. I'm sure you know…what too much alcohol can do to certain people." I heard a sudden gasp escape from her. I couldn't bear to look Ryou's sapphire eyes, so my eyelids slowly closed themselves shut. I became quiet as my lips trembled, my voice now dulled into a harsh whisper, somewhat brazen in its tone.
"My right shoulder was injured as a result. I couldn't join the basketball team as a result…and I've resented my father ever since. The reason that my father wasn't home this morning…was because he said he was meeting up with an old friend. I don't really care where he went. The further the two of us keep our distance from each other, the better." There was a long and awkward silence that now engulfed us both as the breeze rustled the trees and the chirping cicadas filled the air. With each passing second, with each beating of my heart, things became dreadful and dreadful more. Those last few words that escaped from my mouth…I was pretty sure Ryou could hear the bitter poison emanating from them. It most likely gave her pause. I wondered…what did Ryou felt when I told her about my relationship with my father and the history behind it? Pity? Sympathy? My answer came in the form of sudden warm droplets of liquid that lightly splashed against my face.
Sadness. Genuine sadness.
My eyes opened up to see Ryou's sullen face. Her piercing blue eyes were…full of sorrow, the same kind that I found myself in sometimes. Watery, like the water in the pond that was near us, like the morning dew on the tress, like drops of water falling from the skies. Her cheeks were slightly scrunched up from the salty tears in her eyes. I didn't know why Ryou was crying. I was the one who was stricken with grief, not her. Was she sad…that I kept quiet about my personal life this entire time? Or was she sad that she felt powerless to help me in any meaningful way? It wasn't my intention to ever make her cry. It was painful, unbearable to look at straight on, but I had to. I made her cry and I needed to see this for myself. She might've asked for my story, but I was the one who made the decision to tell her. Guilt was brimming inside of me, flaring up my skin, slowly eating away at my flesh from the inside. I knew that like Nagisa, Ryou was emotionally fragile, but I never thought my story would drive her to tears like those. I should've known better, but still…I wanted someone, anyone to just listen to me, to partly shoulder this pain that was lingering in my heart for years. I was desperate to find solace in someone. Nagisa was sick, so I couldn't rely on her at this moment. I know that I may sound selfish…but Ryou was the only other person that I could confide in at the moment. I instinctively reached up to brush her tear away, reciprocating her earlier action in full.
"Please, don't cry for my sake. I don't think I deserve it. I'm…already sad as it is. I don't want you joining me." I did my best to console her. She agreed to my outlandish plan with zero hesitation. It takes a true friend…or a truer lover…to be able to do that. I didn't know if my words could comfort her, but I didn't care. I had to say something to fix my mistake.
"I'm your friend...and your girlfriend as well, Tomoya-kun. So please, don't suffer by yourself. When you can't stand... please, lean on me... I'll... I'll do my best to support you in any way that I can. When you want to cry, please, don't hold back." Her right hand cradled the left side of my cheek as I leaned my head into it.
"Hold onto me…for as long as you want. I'll hold you so no one hears it. I'll always be with you when you're lonely." I could feel the softness of her thumb gently caressing, massaging my cheek as I allowed myself to drown in her benevolence.
"You're... not alone, Tomoya-kun. I'm here for you." Her whispery words were faint and soothing as I felt her slender fingers combing through my hair.
"It's been…ages…since anyone has said something like that to me. Thanks."
"Don't be afraid." Her right hand reached for my own, as I gripped it tightly with tender firmness. Her words were so soothing…my mind thought back to a happier moment of my childhood. I thought back to a time when my life wasn't so messed up, to where my father still treated me like a son instead of a stranger. I…I can vaguely remember…him holding my hand all the time when I was a kid, the same way that Ryou was now holding mine.
I slowly nuzzled my head against her abdomen, wanting to drown myself in the warmth of her slim body, closing my eyes to greet the darkness. A soft gasp escaped from her lips, clearly surprised at my sudden action. I had half-expected her to freak out or protest in embarrassment, but such a thing never came. I would imagine that she was blushing furiously at this point, but at the same time, there wasn't a single word that came out of her, so I assumed she was enjoying this as well. I could feel one of her hands cradling the back of my head. The other slowly tiptoed across my face with her smooth and slender fingers, carefully tracing every contour and curve at the tip. I wanted someone to comfort me from my pain, pain that was slowly blinding me with rage with the mere mention of my father. I never asked for this anger to build up, but my father changed when my mother died. He constantly drank alcohol to break away from reality. There were times when he got violent…and back then, I was far too young to understand then, and I probably still am to this day.
I…held onto Ryou's hand tighter, as tears were beginning to well up inside of me, threatening to drip down my face. I was on the verge of crying then and there, but I held on to my resolve to maintain face. But, as the seconds passed, my determination faltered, eventually to a crumble, giving way to a loud but subdued sob as I pressed my face firmly against Ryou's abdomen, wanting no one else to hear me but her alone. I felt so vulnerable and weak, but I was desperate for someone's loving embrace. I wondered what Ryou was thinking about as I released my tears that were slowly beginning to stain her white dress. She probably wouldn't have guessed in a million years that I was suffering this much on the inside. We all have our masks that we put up for everyone to fool everyone. It takes someone really unique to be able to look beyond our masks. And I knew…that Ryou was something special…when I heard sobbing that was not my own, as I felt a droplet fall onto my black hair.
She was crying with me at that very moment.
The two of us…two friends, who were also boyfriend and girlfriend, together in our weeping misery, we found a small measure of peace under the shade of a tree on a park bench. Time was irrelevant to me then and there. I didn't want this moment to end any time soon. Even though I knew that nothing in this world lasts forever, I wanted to stay by Ryou's side for just a bit longer. We stayed in sheer silence for what felt like an hour after we had calmed down. I didn't know for sure since I didn't bother to look at my watch.
"It's hard to believe…that we're really…boyfriend and girlfriend…right, Tomoya-kun?" Ryou was the one who finally broke the silence between us. Opening my eyes, I saw Ryou's azure eyes, brightly beaming at me with a kind smile, her face dried of her tears. She probably had a handkerchief in her bag that she used to clean herself up with.
"Yeah, it's kinda unbelievable. We were just hanging out in the park as friends one moment…and now, we're a couple. Are you really okay with this?"
"Yes, I'll work together with you to make this plan work. Please, don't worry about me."
"Okay, I won't. I just want to make sure, that's all."
"It feels…kinda weird…since we're keeping our relationship a secret." I couldn't help but quietly chuckle at her statement, the urge to make a snarky remark imminent.
"I guess you'll just have to practice your flirting skills then."
"W-wait, I-I…don't really know…how to flirt to begin with." I couldn't help but laugh at the flustered state she was now in, clearly unable to give me a proper answer.
"It's okay. Just hang out with me more around school.
"Do you mind if I ask you something?"
"What's up?"
"Ever since we…kissed, I get this strange feeling that we're being watched."
"Could it be…onee-chan? But she said that she would give us some alone time."
"Yeah, she might've said that, but knowing her, she still probably tagged along in secret. She really does take your safety very seriously. Knowing her, she's probably spying on us from far away."
"Onee-chan…has been very protective of me. She's been that way ever since we were little. I know that I'm her younger sister, but sometimes…I wished onee-chan could see…"
"…just how much you've grown?" I decided to finish her sentence, to see if what I was right in my thinking. Ryou simply nodded her head, confirming what I already knew.
"Yes. I'll…I'll always look up to my sister for guidance and advice and support, but I can't rely on her forever, you know?"
I nodded my head in return, understanding what it was that she had felt. Despite the fact that the Fujibayashi sisters were twins, Ryou was her own person. They might share a few similarities, but those two couldn't be any more different from one another. I got the feeling…that Ryou had been in her sister's shadow for a long time and had always dreamt of showing Kyou just what she was truly capable of on her own. I smiled at her as I looked into her eyes once more. "I'm sure…you'll get the opportunity to show her someday."
"You really think so?"
"That's what I want to believe anyway. Hmm, can we go walking for a bit? I uh…wanna move to a different spot, you know what I mean?"
"To draw onee-chan out?"
"Well, there's only one way for us to find out." Standing up from the bench, my right hand stretched out to her. With her soft and slender fingers, she took hold of me. I could still see her familiar faint blush. By now, it was a natural sight that I have gotten used to seeing. I don't think there was a day where I couldn't recall her blushing around my presence. Still, it added something…unique to her. It separated Ryou from all of the other girls that I knew in my life.
"Um, do you…wanna hold hands?"
"But, what if…someone saw us?"
"Well, we are on a date…that your sister set up for us. We might as well play our part, right?"
"If…if you don't mind…could I?"
"Yeah, that's what I'm here for." Our hands joined, fingers laced together. "Tell me if you hear anything strange, okay?" She simply nodded. "I'll be on the lookout, too."
The two of us continued walking. There was nothing to indicate that there was anyone else spying on us. It unnerved me in a way that drove me to a quiet frustration in the back of my head. As we continued walking along the stone pavement, the two of us came across a swing set.
"A swing set…"
Wanting a place to rest for a bit in order to ponder my next step, I turned to Ryou, who immediately understood my intent without me uttering a single word, merely nodding in approval. Before I knew it, the two of us were riding on the swings. It had been years since I last played on the swings, but neither of us cared. We were having too much fun trying to go over the top of the swings.
My mind improvised an idea on the spot.
"Let's head to the bus stop. We'll know for sure if we're being followed. You want some exercise?"
"Excersise? What fo-?" Before she could even finish asking her question, I had pulled Ryou with me as the two of us were now jogging away towards the nearest bus stop.
"Haha, sorry about that." My head quickly turned behind me to glance at Ryou as my legs propelled me forward. At the pace that we were moving at, the wind was blowing through her lavender hair, the white hair ribbon that was tied to the right side of her head fluttering in the breeze. I was simply greeted with an unabashed giggle from her.
"Hehe, it's okay. Though, you could've warned me first, Tomoya-kun." Her voice was a higher pitch than usual, most likely from the fact that she had been caught off caught by my sudden decision to run. I gave her an apologetic grin to compensate. Considering how genial Ryou is in general, I was pretty sure that she wouldn't harbor any ill feelings towards me for long. Turning my head back forward to focus on the path ahead, the grip of my left hand tightened around her right hand as our pace quickened. Pretty soon, we were out of the park and running on the pavement down the street. The thrilling rush of the wind blowing on our faces made us both laugh. Regardless as to whether or not Kyou will come out of hiding was of no concern to me at this one single moment. I didn't even care if people saw the two of us together like this. Today had barely started, and I was going to enjoy it to its fullest before returning to school tomorrow morning. The two of us just kept on running, running and running…
…As if we were an eloping couple.
Footnotes:
[1] – 11:54 – 12:33 of episode 12 of the first season, Hidden World (かくされた世界, Kakusareta Sekai) I added a few events of my own to lead up to it.
[2] – They briefly met back in episode 6, but they never exchanged actual words with each other.
[3] – A reference to the 2004 David Mitchell novel and its 2012 film adaptation by the Wachowski siblings and Tom Tykwer, Cloud Atlas.
[4] – From Wikipedia: Noren (暖簾) are traditional Japanese fabric dividers, hung between rooms, on walls, in doorways, or in windows. They usually have one or more vertical slits cut from the bottom to nearly the top of the fabric, allowing for easier passage or viewing. Noren are rectangular and come in many different materials, sizes, colors, and patterns.
Well, that's the end of chapter 6. If you actually made it to the end of this chapter, then I salute you for being able to put up with my story for this long. If it's not asking too much, any kind of feedback, be it pointing out spelling/grammar mistakes, suggestions, or just your thoughts and feelings on this chapter, anything would be great. All I ask is that you remain civil and keep things constructive. That's all. ^_^' I had a lot of fun writing Kotomi's part in this chapter, so here's hoping I at least portrayed her in a way that was similar to how she appeared in the anime series. Please do comment on how I did with her and Sanae's part if you do choose to leave a review.
Remember to check my profile page every day to see how much progress I have made on the next chapter. It will go up the moment that number hits 100%.