10/05/2018 (Last edited on 12/03/2019) - I'm finally back. After over four and a half years since the last chapter, Chapter 10 is finally here! Lots of things have happened in my life since then, both good and bad, most of which have affected my ability to get this chapter out in a timely manner. For that, I sincerely apologize for the gigantic wait. But at long last, the wait has finally come to an end.
And what better day to finally finish than on Sanae Furukawa's birthday of all days too!
Hello, people of FanFiction dot net. I'm back again with the next chapter of my very first fanfic. Thank you for all the reviews, everyone! (106 as of this chapter) As the author of this story, I'm happy to see reviews being left behind. It motivates me to continue on with this story of mine. ^_^ For those who don't already know, I do personally respond to every single review that is left behind for my story. I figure that it's the least I can do as the author of this fanfic and communicate with my readers. Even though some of the character's personalities might/will be slightly altered for the sake of my fanfic, I'll try to remain faithful to their overall "spirit" that was portrayed in the anime series. Clannad is my favorite anime series of all time, so I felt compelled to write a story of my own. I hope you enjoy it. And once again, any feedback that you can provide would be nice and very appreciated. ^_^ And with that, here is the long-awaited chapter 10:
Paragraphs in italics denote a flashback. Single words in italics / single words in regular print during a flashback denote emphasis and should be read as such.
Chapter rated T for: Sexual themes and thematic elements
Genre: Comedy/Drama/Romance/Slice of Life
Pairing(s): (At the moment) Tomoya x Ryou (Time will only tell how long they'll last...)
Crossover(s): None at the moment...
Author's Note #1: I changed the cover image for my story, as a symbolic rebirth of my story and it's who's narrating this chapter. Don't know if I'll revert to the old cover image for the story in the future or not. We'll see…
Author's Note #2: I decided to abandon the naming scheme that I originally had planned for the chapter titles. I may or may not go back to it in the future. I guess we'll just have to wait and see then. For the time being, I'll just stick with simpler titles.
Author's Note #3: My girlfriend helped me out a lot on a chunk of this chapter. She also motivated me to finish writing this chapter in the first place, so kudos to her! Hopefully, I can get chapter 11 out in a more timely manner with her help now...
Disclaimer: I do not own anything Clannad-related, even though I wished I did… And from here on out, I do not own any series/movies/video games that I might make references to or decide to make any crossovers with as well.
Clannad ~Different Days~
-The Everyday Arc-
Vague Synopsis - It's not quite the same story that you might remember, even if it feels strangely familiar. A different world, different relationships, different events...different days...
Chapter 10 – Shadows
Brief Chapter Synopsis - Kyou stops by Kotomi's house and learns a difficult truth while Ryou stops by Nagisa's house with Sunohara. It goes about as well as you'd expect...
The past is just a story we tell ourselves.
I remember growing up, I was always considered the tomboy, the one that the boys feared and the girls admired. And yet, I sometimes wondered if my personality was a blessing or a curse in disguise. It was nice, I'll admit, having people notice you and admire you for who you are, or at least, from what they could see on the outside, even if all of those people happen to be girls. But within all of those sea of girls cheering and admiring me from afar, I wondered when my eyes would finally see a guy amongst the crowd. I always yearned for a prince charming and yearned to be a princess that wanted to be swept away off her feet. As years passed and no guy dared to even approach me like a love-struck idiot, I felt that it was on me to pursue a guy instead. But there never really was any one guy who truly caught my attention and fancy at all.
That is, until Tomoya came along…
He and I first met around a year ago. Tomoya and Youhei were both in the same class as I was. I was voted class representative, and the two of them kept giving me grief and made my job even more of a hassle than it already was. Youhei kept playing pranks on me while Tomoya was his unwilling accomplice. I wised up after that one love letter prank he pulled on me back during our second year of high school, and subsequently punished both him and Tomoya for it. [1] I actually got my hopes, thinking that a guy might had finally wanted to confess his love to me, but even that was a lie. Admittedly, I never told anyone but I really was hurt on the inside. Being in a relationship wasn't going to magically solve all of my issues, but it would've been nice… to not feel so alone anymore.
It might sound silly to some people, but once, I had imagined a world where Tomoya and I were dating. At first, it sounded like an ideal fantasy, but then, I immediately abhorred the idea. Happiness isn't worth experiencing if it comes at the expense of others. At least, that was what I told myself… to rationalize my selfishness. But then, how was anyone able to find true happiness in this world then if we're constantly walking on eggshells around other people? It was a question with no simple answers. It made me stop and think for a moment, back to that one moment that I shared with Tomoya while I was alone with him...
It was after school on Friday that I had stayed behind for volleyball practice. With everyone rushing off after class, it was just me left to clean up. I grabbed every volleyball to take back to the storage room, sighing in exasperation of having to do this in the first place. And as luck would have it, a few of the volleyballs fell. But luckily, Tomoya happened to be nearby sitting on a bench. I figured I could make him prove useful to me in this situation since it looked like he didn't have anything else to do.
"Ah, Tomoya! Grab that ball for me, will you? P.E. class ran long today, so other students took off in a hurry.
Tomoya mumbled to himself as he helped me carry all of the volleyballs and equipment into the storage room with me. Don't know what he's complaining about, I'm sure he had nothing better to do anyway. Now inside, we both began to put up the equipment in the appropriate places; the last being for the volleyballs to go within a large metal basket. It was a bit too quiet so I decided to make conversation.
"Since they're all gone, it's my job to clean up."
"That's fine, but why do I have to help?"
"This is the least you can do. You shouldn't complain to the girl who feeds you every day." Tired, we both took a moment to breathe, sighing from all the work of having moved so many things.
"Huh?" Suddenly, the room darkened and the subtle sound of the door closing occurred behind us. We both quickly turned around, surprised by the sudden shift.
I ran over to the closed door and tried to slide it open, but to no avail. "Ah, h-hey!"
"What's wrong?" Tomoya asked me.
"The door won't open! It locks automatically when it closes, so we're stuck."
Tomoya hastily backed away and began to bow, his hands in a prayer gesture. "Ahh! Forgive me!"
"What are you apologizing for?" When I first heard him apologize, my mind immediately… went to certain places as I felt a burning sensation all across my face. "Ah! Did you plan this?!" All I could hear was a "Huh?" from him as he looked up at me. "What's the big idea? L-Listen, you'd better not try anything funny! You hear me?!"
"I can't believe you're saying that!"
I took a few steps backwards from how defensive he was getting all of a sudden, only to find myself falling backwards clumsily onto a set of gym mats nearby.
"Hey!" He reached towards me to help me up but I turned away, curled up to cover myself from… any ideas he may have had…
"Oh... We can't… How can I put this? I-I mean, it's not like we're even going out or anything. Besides, what about Ryou…" Even as I lay there, vulnerable to the possible whims of the guy in front of me, I still made Ryou the focal point of the situation…
"Just stop right there! Listen!" I probably should had listen to Tomoya at that point, but I was too caught up in the heat of the moment to be able to think properly.
"Please, just think this over for a second. I know you're a guy so you probably wanna do these kind of things. But you can't just force yourself on someone. The feelings have to be mutual. I-I can't betray Ryou…"
"I said hold on, damn it! This was an accident. I didn't think the stupid spell would actually work."
"Huh?" I was completely lost when Tomoya mentioned a spell, as if such a thing really works. Where did he even learn something like that anyway, a book?
"I'm talking about the spell that locked the two of us in the gym storage room. It really worked." I honestly thought he was going crazy and losing his mind at that point.
"Uh-huh." I couldn't help but stare at him incredulously.
"Don't look at me like I'm crazy!"
"Even if it did work, who would come up with such a ridiculously precise spell?!"
"Don't ask me! I feel the same way!"
"Wait a sec." A realization dawned on me about this situation that… had my attention. "Why would you pick me to be locked up with?"
"You were the first one who came to mind; I wasn't thinking!"
"I see… So what you're saying is, if you had to be locked up with someone, I'm your first choice?" We stood there silently for a few minutes, the light from the setting sun seeped in through the small cracks of boxes that blocked the windows of the room. It was just enough to illuminate the growing blush on his face. I couldn't help but remark to myself how cute he looked in that moment. It was this moment that gave me some hope… that Tomoya may have feelings for me, but… I knew I couldn't. I broke the silence with my usual go to, to focus on my sister and divert attention to her. "You must know. It's obvious, isn't it? Why I keep inviting you to have lunch with Ryou, I mean? It's not 'cause I just wanna hang out…"
"Well, I have an idea." He wasn't as dense as I thought he was.
"And yet you still chose me?"
"Yeah, but I didn't mean it like that." I couldn't help but mentally scoff at that comment. In what way did you mean it then, you idiot? What did he want any of this to mean… My blush grew in intensity as I continued to look away from him, no longer sure of what to say. "Don't just stand there, say something! I didn't mean anything by picking you, I promise."
"Tomoya, would you rather Ryou just… leave you alone?"
"N-No, I wouldn't say that."
"Well, in that case…" Perhaps this was the moment to finally just say it. To finally just cement him and Ryou getting together. Yet, I found myself unable to find the words. Why couldn't I just tell him to be with my sister? Why… do I have to… Why couldn't I just tell him to be with-
"That's it!" His outburst threw off my line of thought from the sudden nature of it.
"What is it?!"
"Don't think about anything else, just leave this to me!"
"Tomoya, wait! Y-You aren't serious?" I'm ashamed to know my mind went to...that place but in this dark room, alone with a crazy boy that I… well… who wouldn't think such a thing?! We were alone, away from any prying eyes that could walk in on us, and I was just helplessly laying on a pile of mats. My school uniform began to feel unusually tighter, smaller than usual, my body felt as if more exposed while I lay here. He could lay on this pile with me, do anything and everything he wanted to me, maneuver my body to his every whims… I would betray my sister, forever lose her trust by letting him do such a thing and yet… God, why was I thinking such things?! Tomoya interrupted my train of thought with his wild ravings.
"I'm dead serious! I don't need to think this over!"
"But," I tried to recover myself somehow, bring it back to her, "what about Ryou? And besides, I-I really don't know how this kind of stuff works. This is my first time."
Thinking back on this moment, it was all so… so scandalous. What if someone walked in? What if Ryou ever found out about this incident? I felt so lost in a daze, like a deer in headlights. Tomoya grabbed my shoulders and looked at me the most determined I've seen him in a while.
"It's my first time too. But leave everything to me."
"D-Don't give me such a serious look, I... I…" I felt… so seduced… in that moment. I trusted him, so maybe this will be ok after all, I told myself.
"Turn around for a sec. I need to take off my shirt, okay?"
"Oh... O-Okay." I turned around as he asked, my breathing now only increased as he undressed behind me, my mind going to that place again. I imagined seeing his bare chest, feeling his breath mingle with my own as I traced my finger along his chest as our lips inched closer and closer...an unfamiliar heat burdened my lower abdomen while I couldn't help but smile. But then the chanting began...
"Noroi nante henoheno kappa. Noroi nante henoheno kappa. Noroi nante henoheno kappa!" Before I could question the insane series of chants, the door began to slide open. Tomoya ran behind one of the shelves, perhaps to avoid the questions surrounding why he was half-naked and locked in a storage room with me. Or perhaps he was being considerate and wanted to protect my reputation. How nice of him, I remarked in my mind. With him behind the shelf, now in front of me stood a girl from my class who came searching for me.
"Kyou, are you in here? The teacher's been calling for you. Wait, what are you doing?" I was still on the pile of mats on the ground, so I was sure the image was unusual to my classmate.
"Um... Nothing…" With no good excuse, my mind just defaulted to that automatic response. She looked confused but didn't really press it any further at that point. The girl walked away after I assured her I'd follow along soon. With her gone, Tomoya came back around the corner, his shirt fully back on and buttoned up. What a shame, I thought to myself. Just in case the door were to suddenly close again, we quickly rushed out of the storage room, now free and outside. I didn't quite realize how much time went by, but the sky was now that beautiful burnt orange hue it takes on once the sun began to set more. I guess we were in there a while.
"I'm glad we finally got out."
I laughed, a hint of nervousness mixed with embarrassed now that I thought back on how I handled myself trapped in that room with him. "To tell you the truth, I was starting to get worried there for a second. But anyway, I'm really sorry. I guess I was starting to act a little strange in there? Ah, let's pretend this never happened, okay?"
"No, don't feel bad. I'm the one to blame here."
"Kyou!" My impatient classmate was off in the distance calling for me. How inconvenient.
"Guess I'd better get going. I'll see you tomorrow!" We waved goodbye, ending our day with one another. As I walked back with the classmate, I couldn't help but wish that I was still trapped in that room with him… That I was able to actually tell him the truth…
I opened my eyes as I stared at the ceiling above me, my body curled up underneath a warm and huge blanket. There wasn't a sound to disturb the peace at all, a stillness that was unnerving yet calming all at the same time, a constant buzzing in the silence that you can hear when you sit still for too long. It wasn't until I looked around the room, noticing that the furniture around wasn't my own that I remembered that I wasn't even in my own room anymore.
All of my pondering, and I had lost sight of the obvious.
I didn't have time to dwell on this any further as a knocking sound broke me from my reverie. "Kyou-chan." I heard my name being called out from the other side of the door. "Are you awake?"
"Yes, just woke up."
"May I come in?"
"Sure, go right ahead." The door slowly opened, a quiet creaking followed, as the sight of a certain lavender-haired girl with those familiar strawberry pink beads adorning the sides of her head. Don't know how to explain it, but I couldn't help but smile when seeing her. I also couldn't help but stare at how...voluptuous how breasts were to me. A part of me felt jealous by how she was bigger than me. I wondered if that was the reason I felt compelled to grope her on that one day. I wanted to see how soft it felt in my hands. Was it so bad that a part of me… wanted to know what it felt like to have Tomoya… do the same to me? To know what it was like to be desired by him? To know that he saw me in that way and wanted me all to himself? That it was I who held his singular attention and that he wanted no one else but me? Was I… being selfish? My mind knew the truth, but my heart… I couldn't bare the loneliness. Why was it that I was suffering? Why couldn't I feel happy for my sister Ryou? I didn't want to my happiness to come at the cost of my sister's. I didn't know what to do. I felt so conflicted.
All I could do was just mutter out a weak, typical greeting. "Good morning, Kotomi."
Kotomi entered the room, gently smiling at me. Although I just woke up, I could not help but be struck by the beautiful dress that she wore. The dress was dark violet in color, close to matching that of her own hair, with a lighter and more transparent tone aligning the bottom of the dress. Along her waist, white lace created a beautiful bow, the same material also being used to line the top rim of the outfit, creating a cross design along her chest that led into a choker wrapping around her neck.
"Good… morning? I think you mean good evening." I hastily turned my head towards the window and noticed the orange rays of sunset dimly shining through.
"Good evening?" My question was abrupt and loud, my head tilted to the side, as my eyes quickly darted around the room for a clock. I noticed a clock to the left, hanging on the wall. It read 6:15.
"Wait, it's really evening?!"
"Yes. You don't remember?" I had to stop and think about how I was even in Kotomi's room of all places.
"Did you sleep well?"
"More or less. What have you been doing while I was sleeping anyway?"
"I was merely reading a novel, that is all."
"Hmm, where's Botan anyway?"
"She's sleeping downstairs. Let's head down there now."
"Wait, Kotomi." She turned around, a listless curiosity brimming in her eyes.
"Yes, Kyou-chan?"
"I wanna stay her for a bit."
Her eyes were downcast for a moment before she suddenly yanked my right hand, pulling me forward out of her room and down the stairs. I was surprised by her abrupt forwardness.
"You've been in my room for a while now. I think it'll do you some good to at least step out for a little while."
Soon we made our way into her living room, Kotomi offering to make tea along the way. I took a seat on one of the sofas, shuffling to find a comfortable enough position. It was firm, too firm, as if it had been a long time since someone had last sat down here. The sound of the platter gently being placed on the table somehow shocked me as Kotomi smiled seeing my reaction.
Atop the fancy, metallic platter was a kettle with two cups next to it. She placed one cup in front of me and the other on the opposite end for her. Now gently smiling, she took a seat down on the sofa chair across from me. Inhaling the scent of jasmine emanating from the liquid, I took a quiet sip of the drink, letting the bittersweet taste linger in my mouth. Silence only further grew, I had the feeling Kotomi was waiting on something...
"It's Earl Grey," Kotomi finally broke the silence.
"I've never had it before."
"Do you like it?"
"It's… going to take some getting used to, but it's not bad. When did you start drinking tea?"
"I've always had, ever since I was a young child."
"I shouldn't be surprised, and yet. Here I am." I looked down into my tea, solemnly laughing as I stared into my reflection. "You always did carry yourself with a sense of refined elegance of a young woman, Kotomi." My mind came back to Tomoya, wondering what kind of girl he was into, whether he preferred a feminine or masculine type. I imagined him standing next to Ryou, her head resting on his shoulder, smiling innocently, carefree and unburdened, gentle and compassionate, the complete opposite of me... Temperamental and violent, quick to act on emotion, the very essence of an unpoised woman. How could he ever have feelings for someone like me, I asked myself. Those feelings of doubt only crept further and further into my mind, so much so that somehow, Kotomi must have sensed my growing anxiety, for there was a growing look of concern that was now on her face. She always had their childlike curiosity that just made her precious to me and to everyone else in our group.
"Kyou-chan." There was a solemn sincerity in her voice. I knew that I couldn't hide my feelings anymore. I had to confide in someone or else I was gonna go insane.
"What is it?" My question was a tired exhaustion of mournful indifference as I stared into Kotomi's eyes and trying my hardest to avoid breaking down and crying.
"You came over to my house for a reason. You don't have to tell me why immediately. But, it would be nice to know what is bothering you exactly. Please, Kyou-chan?"
I kept staring at her, a silence fell between the two of us as neither of us said a thing. Eventually, I said something. "I don't know what to do."
"Do what exactly?"
Another silence. "Ugh..." A part of me just couldn't admit what my thoughts were so focused on.
"It's about Tomoya-kun, isn't it?" And upon hearing her question me, there was an uncomfortable grip on my chest that made it hard to breathe normally. I grabbed one of the pillows that was lying nearby and pressed it against my face, unable to look my friend in the eye, my voice slightly muffled in the process.
"Heh, that obvious, huh?"
"You're not the only one, you know?" My eyes poked out from beneath to look her in the eyes once more, shocked that she was worrying about the same thing as well. She was certainly dealing with it a whole lot better than I ever did so far.
"Really?" That was all I could ask. She nodded in agreement and then I saw her expression turn to lamenting sadness.
"I've been thinking a lot lately. About my life, what the future will bring for me... And about Tomoya-kun. I don't know whether or not he has any romantic feelings about me, and at this point, it might be futile to hope for anything good to result from this. I know that I'm not the only one who likes Tomoya-kun in that way, and I know that things are going to get worse before they will ever get better." And then her eyes went from the wooden floorboard to my amethyst eyes.
"Kyou-chan, I don't know how you're dealing with this, but the fact that you're over at my house at this time of the day, without your younger sister Ryou-chan, I can most likely surmise that there is now a strain in your relationship with her. As important as romantic pursuits may prove to be to a person, it should not come at the cost of your relationships with your family, especially your siblings. I know that it might be easy for me to say this, considering that I grew up alone as a single child with no other brothers or sisters, but I've learned from these past few weeks that my friends, that you, Ryou-chan, Nagisa-chan, Tomoyo-chan,Sunohara-kun, Tomoya-kun… you're my family as well."
"Family, huh? Then I guess… it really is natural for family members to fight every once in a while, right?"
Kotomi nodded her head. "Have you and Ryou-chan always got along all this time."
"Yeah, I can't remember the last time we ever fought. And this is the first time where we fell for the same guy after all." What were the odds of that happening, I wondered. A situation like that doesn't exactly happen in a person's life every day after all.
"Well, I know it may sound presumptuous of me to say this, but whatever happens between the two of you, do not ever forget that you and Ryou-chan are sisters. Family sticks together… and no one gets left behind." "You know, it's funny, in an ironic way. I don't have any siblings and my parents are no longer here with me. Even so, regardless of the fact that I have no one who's related to me by blood left in my life, in a way, you and everyone else are my family now. I'm not alone anymore."
"I know… Kotomi, can I ask you something?"
"What is it?"
"What is the future?"
"Hmmm? The future?" I nodded silently, waiting, anticipating with bated breath is to what her answer would be.
"The future is defined as the events that will happen in the time after the present. Its arrival is considered inevitable due to the existence of time and the laws of physics. Due to the apparent nature of reality and the unavoid—"
"Wait, wait, wait, that's not exactly the answer I was looking for!" I interrupted Kotomi in the middle of her lecture to avoid wasting her time and energy.
"Oh?" She tilted her head lightly to the right while still maintaining her gaze upon me. "What answer were you hoping to hear from me to begin with?"
"I was expecting more of an opinion from you, your thoughts on it in general."
"My… opinion?" I nodded my head in silence yet again. I couldn't help but nervously smile at the fear that she would misinterpret my question again.
"We tend to daydream about the future while we dwell on the past." It was a surprisingly succinct response, poetic in its brevity.
"Why do you suppose that is?"
"If I had to hypothesize, the past is already something that has occurred. It is something that cannot be changed. Even if those events were painful, at least we can find some small measure of comfort in knowing that the pain from long ago is no longer a part of the immediate present. On the other hand, the future is unknowable because of the fact that it has yet to occur. It is because of that unknowability that the future is frightening. All of us have painful memories of the past, some more than memories eventually shape and define who we eventually will become in the future. It casts a shadow over us as it lingers in our minds. Regardless, even though I might be nervous about what the future will bring for me, I cannot help but feel a little excited about the possibilities as well. But at the same time, the past always has a way of coming back to haunt us."
"I see."
"Kyou-chan, there's something about the past that you're thinking about, is there not?" I suddenly gasped, without the realization that I had done so, wanting to converse with Kotomi without revealing too much about what was bothering me. "I was right after all."
I sat there in silence, unable to say anything, wondering what Kotomi of all people would think of me if I went through with telling her about… that incident…
"I'm surprised that you haven't talked to Ryou-chan about this yet, unless… It involves Tomoya-kun as well. Did something happen between you and Tomoya-kun recently? Something that you wanted to ask Ryou-chan about but unwilling due to their relationship?"
I felt so weak and helpless and so cowardly, unable to find myself mustering up the words that I wanted to say but unable to speak. The silence went on, as Kotomi took another sip of tea from the cup resting on the table in front of us.
"If I may ask, what is going on between you and Tomoya-kun anyway?" I kept debating in my head whether or not I should tell Kotomi the truth about what had happened between me and him. "I'll get some tea for the both of us. Feel free to walk around a bit if you want."
I took Kotomi's words to heart and stood up from the couch that I was sitting on.
I went upstairs for a little bit to walk around. I came across Kotomi's room and noticed several boxes being packed into cardboard boxes and there was a suitcase resting on the carpet floor. I ran back downstairs to the living room once more.
"Wait, what the hell is all of that?" Kotomi wasn't there on the sofa anymore. She slowly walked up from behind, a somewhat listless look in her eyes. "Kotomi, what's going on here? Are you going somewhere?"
"Kyou-chan... there's something I need to tell you, to everyone." From her sullen tone, I was already dreading the worst-case scenario here. "Let's sit back down for a bit."
I saw down next to her on the love seat across the lounge sofa. She poured another cup of Earl Grey for me and for her before pulling out a deck of cards, quickly shuffling them so smoothly for a few seconds before she started dealing three cards out on the table in front of us, all face down. She flipped over the middle card, which revealed the Four of Hearts. I had a feeling that she was doing a simple fortune telling on herself, drawing three cards, one for the past, present, and future. But why did she flip over the middle card first, I found myself asking in my mind.
"I'm going away, eventually."
I couldn't believe the words that came out of her mouth, how bluntly straight-to-the-point it was. "G-going away? What do you mean 'going away?'" My voice began trembling, my breathing erratic at the confusion and frustration that was beginning to build inside of me.
"I'm going overseas after I graduate, to continue my studies abroad."
"But why? Why not stay here in Japan?"
Kotomi turned away briefly before looking at me once more. "I have a dream I want to fulfill. I want to continue my parents' research in their honor and memory."
"And you would give up everything for that?!" My voice was cracking, fearing that my normal, everyday life was slowly changing for the worse even more. As if my sister and Tomoya dating wasn't already a big enough change in my life, now this... Without even realizing when it happened, I stood above Kotomi, holding her by both shoulders while staring into her eyes, the sudden nature of my actions surprising her. My glass of tea lay upon the carpet, the liquid seeping into the floor as Kotomi could do nothing but stare back at me. Moments pass as the hot sensation of my ever-growing blush grew. She slowly grabbed my hands and softly pushed them away, as she leaned over to embrace me.
"In a way, the fact that my parents died while in the middle of their research was their ultimate sacrifice, even if it was completely unintended. I feel like I owe it to them to see their research through to the end."
"Why are you packing stuff now?"
"I just want to be prepared, that's all."
"Kotomi… you really are crazy sometimes, you know that?" I couldn't help but will myself to laugh at how prepared Kotomi was to leave us.
She tilted her head to the side. "I think crazy is relative, wouldn't you say?"
I quietly laughed to myself, the thought of her leaving only making the mood all the more somber. " I guess we're all crazy in our own little way. We just all have different ways of showing it." For some reason, Kotomi began to laugh suddenly. I wasn't quite sure what I said that may have been funny for her. She noticed my confused look and began to compose herself.
"I'm sorry. It's just hearing you say that reminded me of when I first met you and thought you were a bully of all things." She began to laugh again as I tried to recall the memory. As she began to laugh more, the memory came back to me. A nervous and shy version of herself back then, one I'd never imagined would be laughing so openly in front of me like she is now, hid behind Tomoya while he tried to have us become friends. I started to laugh with her, now recalling that not so distant memory. I pointed my index finger towards my face, recreating her from that day.
"You spell Kotomi with three hiragana," I said it as close as I could with that same nonchalance Kotomi loved to carry. We laughed on and on for minutes on end, I failed to notice Kotomi stopped and now stared at me, smiling but staring.
"...you're still technically a bully, Kyou-chan."
I merely shrugged my shoulders in indifference with a smirk on my face. "Old habit die hard, I guess."
She had that same doe-eyed look at that she constantly wore on her face, an innocence that betrayed the massive intellect lying beneath. Hearing her say that she was going to leave all of us soon made me realize… just how we take certain things in life for granted until they're gone. I knew that once we got older, our group of friends would go their separate ways in life, but I wasn't expecting one of us to leave sooner rather than much later. Impulse took over me as I wrapped my arms around Kotomi. Burying my head further into her shoulder, her beautiful dress growing damp from my tears, I was only able to muster the words, "Kotomi… I'm sorry." There were so many things that I wanted to apologize to her for. We stayed in that position until I was too tired to shed any more tears. Eventually, "I don't know what I would do without you."
"I'm sure you and everyone else will be able to manage without me."
"I don't think you give yourself enough credit, Kotomi. All of us will miss you when you're gone."
She separated from our hug and turned towards the table to flip the left card over, revealing the King of Clubs.
"You know, I've been meaning to ask you what you're doing there." I had a feeling it was something fortune telling-related but I wanted to play ignorant to hear what Kotomi had to say.
"Doing some fortune telling."
"How nice of you, Kotomi, even though I probably don't want to know mine right now."
"Actually, it's for myself. Besides, don't you usually get your fortunes told by Ryou-chan?"
I grew a bit sad upon hearing my sister's name. "'Usually' being the key word here."
"I learned the art of cartomancy from one of the books I've read in the library. I probably should try talking to Ryou-chan the next time I see her and gauge just how knowledgeable she is on the subject."
"You actually might meet your match there. My sister knows a lot about fortune telling in general."
Kotomi looked over to me momentarily with a small smile. "That sounds like a challenge to me."
"You really are a strange one, Kotomi." I couldn't help but remark.
Kotomi picked up the King of Clubs and stared at it intently, with a longing and melancholic expression on her face. "I've been talking to Tomoyo-chan a lot lately. Hearing her talk about wanting to save the cherry blossom trees for the sake of her brother, it really inspired me. She also told me about the fact that… she had made peace with her feelings for Tomoya-kun as well."
Hearing her say that caught my attention immediately. "What do you mean exactly?"
"I think she has given up on her feelings for Tomoya-kun… at least, for the time being anyway. Her being elected student council president is her top priority right now and she will be pretty busy if she does get elected in the end. I don't think she has the luxury of having a boyfriend right now, even if Tomoya-kun was still single."
An unintentional gasp escaped from my mouth, shocked that Kotomi knew the truth, my right hand instinctively covering my mouth. I could only imagine that it was Tomoyo who told her at some point. How Tomoyo knew, on the other hand, was something that had me wondering… "You don't think she would actually give up on him?"
"I saw the look in her eyes. It's hard to say for sure, but…" She paused for a moment, looking at the card in her hand intensely with, if my eyes weren't fooling me, a slight trembling in her fingers. "...there was a resolve in her eyes, the same resolve that could only belong to someone who was… devoted to someone very much."
I sat there, letting Kotomi's words seep into my mind. I didn't know what to say then and there. I wanted to just slowly cry all over again. It felt like everything was changing at a rate beyond my own control. I felt so powerless to stop it from happening, but at the same time, I knew that change was inevitable in life. The more you try to resist change, the more things change. All I had, and all that I wanted, I wished for things to remain the same, but even I couldn't deny that as the present fades into the past, the uncertainty of the future becomes the new present.
"Kyou-chan…" Kotomi turned to look me in the eye. I couldn't tell what was on her mind, her massive intellect at complete odds with her lack of worldly experience, but the longer I stared into her eyes, the more I slowly began to realize that there was a resolve in her eyes as well. She really was determined to finish the research her parents started. I still couldn't wrap my mind around any of it though, with Kotomi once mentioning that it had something to do with quantum mechanics, or something of that nature. A simple-minded person like me could never truly understand her mind or see the way she saw the world, but there was one thing that I was sure of in that one moment. I could tell that there was a hint of wistful melancholy in her voice. "...No matter where I may be in this world, even if we're separated by a great distance, whether it's from an ocean or a continent, I will never forget the time that I've spent with you… and my family. You, Ryou-chan, Nagisa-chan, Tomoyo-chan, Sunohara-san… and mostly importantly… " Her two hands clasped her heart above her breasts. "...Tomoya-kun. I never would have imagined in a million years that I would ever see him again after being separated from him for years. And yet, against all odds, he and I found each other again after all this time. It's because I care about him so much… that I'm leaving him to do this."
I felt so confused by Kotomi's words all of a sudden. "You're not making any sense at all, Kotomi. Why leave him, and all of us, then?!" I didn't realize my voice became loud again as I whispered an apology to Kotomi.
She shook her head, in understanding of my outburst. "It's hard to explain in words… but something is compelling me to do so. Whether it's that realization that we know what we are meant to do or who we are meant to be in this world or if it's something else entirely, I just have this… feeling… that me leaving would help Tomoya-kun out someday. My parents died in a plane accident, unable to truly finish their research. If I may be honest with you, Kyou-chan, I don't truly believe in an afterlife of any sorts. It goes against all scientific reason as there is no proof for its existence, and yet, so many still believe. Why do you suppose that is?" I shrugged my shoulders, as I knew I couldn't answer this rhetorical question. "People want to believe in something, something that transcends words. My parents always had a profound way of looking at the world, and they always were somehow able to find the most poetic and beautiful way to describe the world we inhabit. It was something that I always admired them for. Even though they're no longer with me, it still feels like I can sense them somehow. And maybe..." She turned towards the glass door, peering out into the backyard, but her eyes appeared to be looking at something… beyond those glass doors, beyond that backyard, beyond anything my own two eyes could see. Even though I knew that the tears have stopped for now, my pain was far from over. There was a long road ahead of me, for all of us, before we could find the light at the end of the tunnel. The uncertainty of the future was my new beginning. She flipped over the last unturned card over, revealing the Five of Hearts. "...No one's ever really gone." [2]
Chapter 10 - Shadows
I walked.
I could do nothing but walk.
And then I saw me walking in front of myself.
But, it wasn't really me.
Watch out.
The gap in the door... it's a separate reality.
The only me is me.
Are you sure the only you is you? [3]
The future is just a story we have yet to read.
Memory is a strange thing. It doesn't work the way I thought it would. We are so bound by time, by its order. Maybe there is a higher order, somewhere above the sky, beyond the stars, something that transcends the physical boundaries of the world in front of our eyes. I remember moments in the middle of things, memories that I shouldn't have been able to recall but at the same time, have yet to experience myself. But how can that be, I asked myself. Maybe it would've better to say that those were visions of another future, another life that I haven't lived. I would sometimes see them in my daydreams, staring off into space, and other times, they came to me in my dreams when I sleep.
Dream and reality... sometimes, I wondered, where did one end and the other begin?
Maybe they were one and the same, co-existing but without ever perceiving the other's presence, like two star-crossed lovers separated by time and space, never touching, slowly drifting apart, always walking towards their necessary end, a melancholic sadness of the inevitable.
I couldn't remember when exactly, but I took a great interest in fortune telling at a very young age. Interested in the prospect of being able to predict the future, I was determined to learn everything that there was about it, but truth be told, I wasn't really good at it. Even with all of the effort I put into becoming better, my predictions still turned out to be hugely incorrect.
But in a way, I was relieved by that one simple fact.
I believe that with every choice a person makes, a million possibilities arise. And from those choices, an infinite number of worlds can be born from those choices that we do or do not make.
Strange as it may be for me to be saying this, but I had this feeling that the world that I was in right now was born from the dying dreams of someone I knew, who, in their final moments before death consumes them whole, imagined this whole world, a dream of what could have been for them had they had gone down a different path in life. It was a random, fantastical thought… one that filled me with dread, the possibility of another me existing somewhere outside of this world. It made me wonder whether or not the me of those different worlds felt the same way that I was feeling at this very moment. I questioned whether or not the odd yet familiar sensation of what we called deja-vu came from this phenomenon. All of us in some way always wonder where our lives could have headed in if we had just made a different choice in a single moment. We dream of better futures and fear the worst ones, but we could never really know how things might have been because we can imagine in hindsight the endless scenarios of what may have come.
And a feeling of pain and regret slowly fills our hearts the more we dwell in possibility.
A part of me sensed that he and I were not meant to be, that it was sheer happenstance that we ended up as a couple. But whether it was a mistake that Tomoya-kun and I were together or if it was simply meant to end someday, I was... truly happy... for the first time in forever. I sometimes wondered how long my relationship with him will last, that someday, the two of us will have to part ways to follow our own paths in life, to pursue our own dreams, that someday, the dream will end.
Even with inevitability beckoning us all, I wanted to believe that just for a day, one single day, I was grateful that he and I were still here.
I was lying in my bed staring at the clock, watching time slowly tick away. Onee-chan had quietly left the house, without saying where she was going, leaving me all alone in my room. Getting up from my bed, I changed out of my pajamas and into a yellow blouse and an auburn skirt. Taking a quick peek outside through the window blinds, I couldn't help but notice the swaying of the leaves. I grabbed a denim cardigan from my closet just in case the temperature would drop later on in the evening. After telling my parents that I was going over to a friend's house for a few hours, I ran towards the bus stop. It was going to be several minutes before the bus would arrive so I sat there on the bench in silence. I saw an older couple walking along the sidewalk from across the street. I couldn't help but smile at them from afar, wondering if Tomoya-kun and I would still be together years later. The likelihood of a high school relationship lasting well into adulthood was rather… slim unfortunately, but I wanted to believe that the two of us could somehow make it work. But a sakura petal fell from the tree I was sitting nearby and I couldn't help but frown a little, my eyes downcast toward the ground, a constant reminder of the fragility of time, that… Tomoya-kun and I… were running on borrowed time.
I shook my head in mild frustration, undeterred from the current matter at hand. The bus eventually came as I boarded an empty seat. Nagisa's home was a several miles and a few neighborhoods away from mine so taking the bus was the only feasible way of getting to her house in a timely manner. Onee-chan didn't know that I was out of the house, and given the current circumstances, I was certain that she didn't want to talk to me right now either. I was deeply saddened by that fact, but I knew that my sister needed her space, and I needed my own, too. Maybe it was for the best that we weren't talking to one another right now.
The bus was slowly coming to a crawl as I recognized the stop I needed to get off at. Walking off of the bus, I was greeted with a still air and a silent neighborhood. No one was around, no person or animal at all.
Something was compelling me to go to the Furukawa Bakery. I didn't know why, but I slowly made my way over there from the bus stop. Maybe I wanted to check up on her. Maybe I just wanted someone else to talk to, to vent all of my thoughts and feelings onto. I felt that Nagisa-chan would be the one who I could rely on the most during a time like this. I could've just called her over the phone, but a part of me… wanted to see her in person. I couldn't really put it into words but I needed to see Nagisa-chan.
Nagisa Furukawa… she was someone who I considered a very dear friend of mine. I still remember the day that I first met her a month and a half ago.
"Puhi~! Puhi~! Puhi~!" Botan, the pet boar that onee-chan and I have been looking after, showed up to school one day. Onee-chan had to carry her into a clearing in the trees in the courtyard away from everyone else at school.
"Botan, you came again? Onee-chan was squatting on the grass looking at her worriedly.
I was worried about what we were supposed to do with Botan, since neither of us could look after her at the moment. "Hmm, we still have a whole day of classes left."
"We'll catch Tomoya or Youhei and make them watch her. I'm sure they won't mind at all."
As if right on cue, Sunohara-san showed up all of a sudden. "Hey Fujibayashi, I've got something I wanna tell you."
"Eh? What is it, Sunohara-san?"
"There's someone who wants to ask you out. I came here to tell you that this person wanted to meet you up on the roof of the school." I remember the sudden feeling of shock, cheeks burning in embarrassment, wondering who could've possibly wanted to ask me out. My mind immediately wondered if Sunohara-san had mistaken me for onee-chan, but Sunohara-san that it was me that he wanted to find. Onee-chan nodded to me with a smile as I turned to Sunohara-san, who flashed me a thumbs-up. He told me to meet him and Tomoya-kun up on the rooftop after school. After final period ended, I nervously made my way through the hallways and up the stairs towards the school roof. Opening the door, the light of the sun blinded me momentarily before my eyes adjusted. I saw Tomoya-kun and Sunohara-san and another person standing behind them but I couldn't make out who it was. I walked over towards them, my heart thumping to the rhythm of my footsteps.
"U-um, I heard someone wanted to talk to me?" I stopped in front of them, with Tomoya-kun standing in front of me, Sunohara-san behind him, and a girl who would soon introduce herself to me.
Tomoya-kun gently patted the girl's right shoulder with his left hand. "The one who wanted to see you is... her."
My eyes blinked at the sudden realization of what Tomoya-kun had just said. "W-what? Huh!?
"I'm Nagisa Furukawa of Class 3-B. I'm sorry for calling you out suddenly. I didn't mean to startle you."
"Ah, that's all right! I'm Ryou Fujibayashi of Class D." I could still remember that pounding sensation in my chest, the tightening of my heart, wondering what was going on exactly in that moment. A girl was planning on confessing her feelings… to me? My mind was racing with so many questions that my mind felt like it was literally on fire.
"You're the class representative, aren't you?" I was barely able to eek out a response since I didn't know what direction the conversation was heading in based on that first question she asked me that day.
"Ye... yes."
"That's terrific. It's not something I could ever do. I really admire you."
"Oh, no. It's not a big deal."
"I have something to ask you. Will you listen to me, please?"
"Yes?!" I was so confused at that point, my brain wasn't really thinking of proper answers to say and was just reacting on its own.
"I want you to answer as honestly as possible. She's being completely honest with you, Fujibayashi." My eyes went from Tomoya-kun to Nagisa-chan and constantly between them in embarrassment.
"Please, if you'd wait a minute. I, uh... I didn't think it was a girl, and I…" I didn't have any issues that it was a girl who was about to confess to me, but I just didn't know how to answer her back!
"Sex really doesn't matter, does it? The important thing is what's in the deepest part of your heart." I honestly didn't expect Sunohara-san to give such a reply, but thinking back on that particular moment, there were odd moments where he possessed a strange insight that betrayed his usual goofy persona.
"Sometimes, you're a lot smarter than you look, you know?" Tomoya-kun echoed my thoughts, whether intentionally or ironically.
"I get a bad rap, but I'm essentially a good guy!" But Sunohara-san did have that air of silly vanity to him that made it hard to see the inherent goodness inside him.
"Is it strange that I'm a girl?" I remember being transfixed by Nagisa-chan's eyes, finding myself lost its piercing gaze.
"No, you're very cute. But with me, uh... what can I say? I'm… flattered." I couldn't deny that Nagisa-chan was a really attractive girl, the cute way her hair allowed two strands to stand on end to match the innocent and curious aura she emitted. Her hazel eyes were so soft and welcoming, one could find themselves becoming lost in them. And her smile, that smile. No matter how hard your day may have been, there was something about her warm smile that just washed your worries away, even if for a brief moment. Any guy would have loved to caress her soft skin, feel the warmth between their hands as they lean in to kiss one another…
"I've been a little troubled by it, but I've decided to be brave and embrace it." In hindsight, it really did sound like Nagisa-chan was going to confess her feelings to me. I should've known better though. Tomoya-kun and Sunohara-san were infamous for their pranks, but I wanted to believe that there was someone out there who actually did love me… even if it was a girl…
I was concerned about how this was affecting her so I had to ask. "So you were that troubled by it?"
"I have to be honest that I don't know what to do anymore. If you would please just hear me out!" I was moved by her earnesty and her bravery. That made me reflect back on all of the times in my life where I found myself too shy to speak up. Seeing a girl who was just as equally shy as me find the will to do what I couldn't, it made me want to reciprocate her feelings in kind.
"I do understand. I'll listen to you seriously." At this point, whether I was just too lost in the moment of it all, or lost in her eyes, our hands were touching at shoulder level, clasped tightly in front of us, our fingers inter-linked.
"Oh please. Pretty please? If you would please help me form my own school theatrical drama club!"
"Okay." It wasn't until a few seconds after Nagisa-chan had said those words that it sunk into me: she wasn't making a confession of love; she was making a proposal for the formation of the drama club. My serene smile morphed into a perplexed, confused one. "Huh?"
"Kyou!" Hearing both of the boys yell out onee-chan's name out loud, my eyes blinked as I saw her out of the corner of my eye, barging in through the roof door and rushing over to where we were.
"How dare you ridicule my sister!" My older sister had both Tomoya-kun and Sunohara-san in a headlock with both of her arms, squeezing the life out of them. Nagisa-chan was looking on in confusion as I was, as I couldn't help but quietly laugh at the absurd situation that was now unfolding before my eyes. She turned towards me, as she probably heard me, as her eyes gazed at our hands, which were still interlocked with one another. A giant blush formed on her face as she realized that neither one of us had let go of the other at all. I couldn't help but blush with her, the skin on my cheeks burning with fiery embarrassment that I had never held a person's hands with such… intimacy before. I couldn't help but feel how soft Nagisa-chan's fingers and palms were, with the subtle traces of sweat that were now there as we were standing in the spring sun. I couldn't help but giggle, finding the sight too adorable for words and pretty soon, Nagisa-chan was giggling with me in kind. Her nervousness slowly faded away, as the sounds of onee-chan, Tomoya-kun, Sunohara-san, the gently swaying of the leaves, the anonymous chatter of the students from down below… all faded into the background noise of our beating hearts…
In hindsight, I couldn't help but find that moment amusing, a fond memory that I could find myself telling to friends and family years down the road in life. If it weren't for that fateful meeting with her, I don't think I would've met Nagisa-chan in the first place. In the weeks since that initial encounter, the two of us have become steadily closer friends as I did my part to help her revive the Drama Club. Seeing her smile and her determination to revive the Drama Club, I felt so inspired by her. Nagisa-chan and I were a lot alike in many ways.
I stopped right in front of the bakery. I hesitated to go inside, wondering what I was about to do. I knew that I wanted to talk with Nagisa but beyond that, I didn't really plan out what I was going to talk to her about. By the time I arrived at the Furukawa Bakery, the sun had already retreated beyond the horizon as the sky was beginning to dim further and further into darkness, as street lamps gradually came on. I was staring in beyond the windows, afraid to step inside. There was no one out at the front, as my mind wondered where Nagisa-chan's mom and dad were. The Furukawa household and the bakery shared the same building, with the bakery out in the front with the home in the back and the second floor of the building. They were probably in the back, either in the kitchen or living room. I had always found that aspect of Nagisa-chan's home unique and wondered what it was like to live in such a place.
Before I had realized it, someone had called out to me. My eyes bulged wide open in shock, embarrassed at the fact that someone might have just stood there, seeing me stare off into space for no apparent reason.
"Hey, Fujibayashi! I'm surprised to see you here." My ears recognized his voice, but I could not fathom the idea that he would be here of all times. Turning my head over to my left, the visage of his blond hair and blue eyes left little doubt in my mind that Youhei Sunohara was in front of the Furukawa Bakery with me.
"U-um, hello there, Sunohara-san. It's a pleasant surprise as well."
"Why are you out here?"
"J-just a little cold feet, that's all." I paused for a moment before continuing on. "To be honest with you, I... have a lot of things on my mind lately."
"You too, huh? I'm glad I'm not the only one then."
I was curious about what was on his mind, but immediately made the connection upon realizing where we both were. "...Nagisa-chan?" He nodded his head in acknowledgement.
"Um…" Curiosity filled me; why did he want to see Nagisa-chan now of all times, I asked myself. I didn't want Sunohara-san to leave, but at the same time, his presence here would have made things a bit more difficult for me since I felt there were things that I didn't want anyone else but Nagisa-chan to hear.
"I won't stay long. I just wanted to drop by and say hello to Nagisa for a bit. I'll leave shortly after that. I have a feeling you came over to the Furukawa bakery for a reason too, huh?" He probably could have sensed my hesitation and decided to only stay for a little while, to give me the privacy that I had wanted. My reluctance to speak up was probably rather obvious to Sunohara-san.
"Are you sure? If you came all the way to see Nagisa-chan, surely there's something that you wish to speak to her about, yes?" A part of me sensed that he was here for his own reasons as well and my coming here was unfortunately poor timing on my end.
"Yeah, I can wait.
"…Thank you, Sunohara-san." I slowly nodded my head, mustering up a faint smile to acknowledge his selfless deed. I took a step forward but noticed that Sunohara-san rushed forward and grabbed the door first.
A bell rang above us as we now found ourselves stepping inside the Furukawa Bakery. I had once been here before, but I hadn't stepped inside at all. Sunohara-san, on the other hand, wasn't there the day that I had stopped by Nagisa-chan's home with Tomoya-kun and the others.
"Hello, anyone here?" We were greeted by silence. I began to wonder where Nagisa's parents were. Perhaps they were upstairs, I had thought to myself.
I turned my attention back to Sunohara-san and notice that he was staring at the bread with puzzling intensity and an insatiable hunger on his grinning face.
"Huh, this bread looks good." He then took a big whiff of it, grinning in delight as it looked like he was about to take a bite out of it.
"Hey, what are you doing, punk?" A loud, booming voice came in from the corner of the room. Standing by the noren curtain was Nagisa-chan's father.
"Eeeeek!" Sunohara-san was screaming in terror, as the tall, imposing figure of Nagisa-chan's father made her presence known to us all with the sound of a bat hitting his palm rhythmically.
"Akio-san, what's going on out there?" From behind the noren curtain, out came Nagisa's mother. "Oh, hello there… Fujibayashi-san, wasn't it?"
"Yes, ma'am." My head tilted slightly to the right as the tip of my right index finger rested on my chin, a thought occurring to me. "I'm surprised you still remember my name, despite our brief introductions last time."
Sanae-san couldn't help but smile at my comment. "Oh, I couldn't possibly forget one of Nagisa's friends."
Upon hearing her name, I remembered why I was over here at the Furukawa household in the first place. "Speaking of which, where is she anyway? Is she still sick?"
"Yes, she's still recovering. She should be back at school in another day or two." Sanae-san simply smiled at Sunohara-san and me.
Akio-san chimed in vigorously. "You can head upstairs and see her yourself if you want." He paused mid-sentence before resuming, an idea that had him grinning in delight. "Since you two are here and all, call Nagisa down and we'll all have a nice dinner together!"
"Oh? Free food?! Count me in! This will probably be better than what I usually make back at the dorms, that's for sure!" Sunohara-san couldn't help but feel hyped by the prospect of eating some of the Furukawa's cooking. I couldn't help but nervously smile at his enthusiasm while I bowed at Nagisa-chan's parents for their generosity and hospitality. "Hey Fujibayashi, you know where Nagisa-chan's room is, right? You were over here the other day with Kyou, Tomoya, and Kotomi-chan."
"Yes, I was. Tomoya-kun had carried Nagisa-chan all the way from school to here, believe it or not."
"Wait, Okazaki never told me this before!"
I reassured him that it wasn't anything too serious, but truth be told, the day that Nagisa-chan collapsed while we were out in the hallway, all of us were panicking at the sight of her collapsed onto Tomoya-kun. He had to explain to us that Nagisa-chan had a weak immune system and was prone to getting sick rather easily. Sunohara-san still had a worried look on his face, but flashed me a thumbs-up before heading over towards the kitchen with Nagisa-chan's parents. I made my way up the stairs and turned to the right, eventually noticing one of the doors slightly ajar. Taking a peek inside, I saw Nagisa-chan's body lying peacefully in her futon fast asleep. Sitting down next to her, I wanted to wait a while before waking her up, wanting to enjoy the peaceful silence of her room. I saw her body subtly rising and falling rhythmically with her slow breathing. It brought a smile to my face seeing her sleep so comfortably, but it didn't last long as she turned her head over, her right hand clenched somewhat firmly on the pillow her head was resting on. I became concerned, wondering if she was having a nightmare. Without hesitating for even a second, I gently nudged Nagisa-chan on her shoulder with my right hand. I didn't want to be too forceful, but if she was suffering in her sleep, I wanted to wake her back up to reality. A few seconds later, her eyes were open, looking at me with a drowsy confusion.
"Ryou-chan, good evening. I'm surprised to see you over here right now." Nagisa-chan slowly began to sit up, an audible yawn escaping from her mouth. She still looked like she was half-asleep, but even so, she still found a way to greet me with the very smile I had grown accustomed to seeing in the club room every day, a smile I had not seen for several days since the incident. Her smile began to fade as she noticed the concern I may have shown for a brief instance, but it quickly shifted to further help dispel the concerns she would have known I felt for her health.
"Hello, Nagisa-chan. I hope I didn't catch you too much by surprise. I wanted to visit and see if you were feeling any better. To be honest with you, I wasn't expecting to see you this evening either."
"Oh I'm fine, but..." Her voice trailed off as she laughed to herself and yet her face held a solemn look that suggested something was on her mind.
"Did you have a nightmare? That's one reason why I woke you up. You look like you weren't sleeping well."
There was a contemplative look on Nagisa-chan's face. "I'm… not sure actually. I can barely remember what I dreamt about, even though I just woke up from one. All I can remember was that… I felt sad in my dream. But other than that, I can't say I remember anything else."
"Yeah, I know what you mean, Nagisa-chan. There are plenty of times where I wake up from a dream or nightmare, but completely forget what I was dreaming about in the first place. So believe me, I can definitely relate."
"That's good then." Her smile came back and I felt a sense of relief washing over me.
"I thought you'd be too sick to see anyone today, but I guess you're improving a lot ever since Tomoya-kun stopped by." Nagisa-chan paused upon hearing me mention Tomoya-kun's name like that. It just now occurred to me that this was the first time that I had seen Nagisa-chan in a while and she had never heard me refer to him in that way until now. I wanted to slap myself so hard for letting that slip out. I realized that Nagisa-chan still doesn't know that Tomoya-kun and I were dating, and I was hoping to finally confess to her the truth of the matter. Realizing that her parents were probably waiting for us both, along with Sunohara-san as well, I quickly changed the subject. "U-um, let's head downstairs. Your parents are making dinner right now, and Sunohara-san is visiting as well."
"Sunohara-san?"
"Yes, he said he wanted to check up on you as well."
"Let's not keep him waiting then." I stood up first and offered my hand to Nagisa-chan to grab onto. Pulling her hand up, we both made our way down the stairs.
"Nagisa-chan!" Sunohara-san couldn't help but call out to her in joy as he was frantically waving to her.
"It's nice to see you again, Sunohara-san."
"It's nice to see you up again, Nagisa dear."
"Good evening, mom. Dad, it looks like you and Sunohara-san are starting to get acquainted."
"Yeah…" There was an air of obvious sarcasm coming from Akio-san. "Acquainted is… probably not the right word to use here." He was staring very intently at Sunohara-san as he was cowering in fear, immediately rushing to hide behind Sanae-san. "Hey, the hell you're doing hiding before my wife?!"
"Your wife? She looks young enough to be Nagisa-chan's sister!" Sanae-san couldn't help but be flattered by Sunohara-san's compliment but Akio-san was having none of that as he started chasing him around the house. "It's okay, Sanae-chan! You don't need to lie to me anymore."
"I said, she's my wife! Sanae-san and I couldn't help but look on dumbfounded by the absurdity of the situation, their rampant footsteps echoing throughout the hallways. We looked at each other and exchanged nervous smiles as I walked over to the dinner table while Nagisa-chan went to go help her mom out with preparing the food.
Though I originally wanted to come here just to speak to Nagisa-chan about the situation with Tomoya-kun, I now found myself eating dinner with her, her family, and Sunohara-san. It would have been rude of me to say no, but it did put a damper on the conversation I wanted to have with her, but it was probably a distraction that I needed in the meantime. We all sat around a compact-sized table while Nagisa-chan's mother and father began to place the various dishes of food towards the middle of it. Placed down first was the main dish, a pot of traditional nikujaga. [4] Chunks of sliced carrots and potatoes soaked in the still boiling, beefy broth created by the meat inside the stew. Next, a large bowl of brown rice was placed alongside, followed by a bowl of miso soup with tofu and green onions within. Lastly, a smaller plate of sunomono [5] was placed on the table. Nagisa frowned once that plate was placed down, as her mother quickly threw a sharp stare in her direction while still maintaining her gentle smile. I couldn't help but giggle at the scene; I guess Nagisa didn't like cucumbers in that particular dish. It was nice having cooks for parents. Nagisa was lucky, actually given attention to and eating with her family. It was usually just me and onee-chan eating dinner in our rooms, with that rare once-in-a-blue-moon instance we ate with our parents downstairs in the dining room. It was certainly different, a good kind of different.
"Ryou-chan?"
I was staring off into space to catch the attention of Nagisa's mother. "Ah! I'm sorry, Furukawa-san, I was distracted by, ehm, all this great looking food." I blushed, hoping the quickly thought-up excuse would be sufficient enough to ward off more questions. It was weird referring to Nagisa-chan's mother as Furukawa-san as I once referred to Nagisa-chan by that at one point in time. Sanae-san began to giggle, probably noticing the confused look and the embarrassed blush on my face and began gesturing with her hand that it was no big deal. "Oh you're so proper, dear. Please, you can just call me Sanae-san."
"Well, in that case… " Sunohara boastfully yelled, "...thanks for inviting us to dinner, Sanae."
"Hey!" Akio-san grabbed Sunohara-san in a headlock, quickly removing the playful smile he had before. "She's Furukawa-san to you!"
"Alright, alright, take it easy!" Sunohara squeezed out as he struggled in Mr. Furukawa's grip.
"Okay, no more playing at the dinner table, you two. Everyone eat up, including you, Nagisa." Nagisa faintly smiled and shook her head in agreement with her mother. I grabbed the spoon from the bowl of rice, placing some of it into my own bowl. Before putting the stew to mix with it, I wanted to taste it first. It wasn't every day that I had the opportunity to try brown rice, as onee-chan and I were used to eating white rice most of our lives. With my pair of chopsticks, I nimbly grabbed a clump of the rice and slowly placed it in my mouth. My eyes widened by the surprisingly sweet flavor from the grain.
Nagisa noticed and began to giggle. "It's a family secret, mix the rice with the soup from the nikujaga and you'll see." Nagisa smiled at me, and then continued eating, seeming a bit more energetic than when dinner first began.
Following her advice, I ladled some of the soup from the nikujaga over the rice, covering it with the brown broth. After placing a few of the vegetables and pieces of beef into the rice, I began to eat it all together. I was in silent shock at the different tastes that were dancing on my tastebuds. The sweetness of the rice, mixed with the savory nature of the beef broth and earthiness of the beef from the nikujaga created a delicious and beautiful combination, as they were flavors not meant to mix with one another yet working so perfectly together. An image of Tomoya-kun and I briefly flashed in my mind for a quick second before I resumed eating. The night slowly continued on as we all ate dinner together, creating small talk in between our bites of food. Questions about everyone's tasks throughout the day or week, school, the increase in patronage for the bakery, Nagisa's health and making sure she was okay, and what our future plans were. Laughter and antics interspersed between with Sunohara and Akio-san butting heads, Sanae-san laughing and calming them down, and Nagisa-chan and I watching on while eating, rarely taking moments to talk to one another aside from asking to pass the bowl of genami or the like. It was a nice, calm night and yet at the same time, I kept waiting and waiting for the opportune moment for me to finally have a private moment to myself and Nagisa-chan.
"So, Fujibayashi! How's Okazaki been these days, huh?"
A cucumber slice from the sunomono dropped from between my chopsticks as my hands began to shake. I was completely caught off guard as I didn't think Sunohara-san would ask about Tomoya-kun at all. I couldn't think of a response fast enough in order to distract Sunohara-san from continuing.
"He hasn't even come see me at all this week. How cruel to ignore me of all people!" He began gesturing dramatically as if fainting. "But he's pretty much with you all the time now, so I figured why not ask you how's he doin'." Nagisa's parents looked at each other initially puzzled, but then began to slowly look horrified as they finally put the pieces together in their head as to why Tomoya and I would be together all the time.
"Um, Sunohara-san, that's impolite to ask a girl such a thing," Sanae-san stated while looking back and forth between him, Nagisa, and me. Nagisa looked confused, not quite understanding just yet what was happening.
"What's the big deal? It's not like the whole school doesn't already know they're da-" Without thinking, without realizing what I was about to do, I yelled. "NO!" My hands slammed on the table, slightly displacing several of the bowls and dishes in the process. Everyone in the room was looking at me. I couldn't allow him to finish that sentence, I just couldn't. I wanted to be the one to confess to Nagisa-chan the truth. She shouldn't had to be hear it this way at all, through an accident. Things were already beginning to spiral out of control in my life between onee-chan and I. Me being able to do this one simple act of honesty between friends was the least I owed her for stealing away Tomoya-kun away from her and from my sister and from Sakagami-san and Kotomi-chan. I felt the guilt pouring out of me all in that one moment, my eyes uncontrollably tearing up, my vision a watery blur as I struggled to look Nagisa-chan in the eye. I turned over towards her, fighting through the beginnings of sobs to try to form coherent words. "No… Nagisa-chan…"
She stared at me for a moment before her eyes slowly widen, a realization finally clicking inside of her mind. "Excuse me, I'm no longer hungry." She quickly stood up, and ran off before any of us could plead for her to wait. I couldn't bare to look anyone else in the room in the eye so I ran after her, following her upstairs. I heard a loud slam of a door by the time I reached the top of the stairs as I stood motionless in front of her door.
"Nagisa-chan, please, open up the door. We… we need to talk."
"It can't be true, Ryou-chan. It just can't." I took a few deep breaths, trying to find strength and resolve to keep pushing forward.
"Nagisa-chan…" I couldn't find the words I needed to say to her in that moment. It was as if the shock was crippling all rational thought in my mind.
"You don't deny it at all, do you?"
There was nothing I could do except offer her the truth. "No, I don't."
I was afraid of what I would hear next beyond the door in front of me. The uncertainty of it all was binding my heart into a suffocating hell as I struggled to maintain to breathe properly, knowing that I was a few steps away from an anxiety attack. I shut my eyes hard and gently placed my forehead against the door to regain some sense of composure once more. My ears couldn't faintly hear Nagisa-chan beginning to cry on the other side. Footsteps going up stairs soon followed as I turned around to the sight of Akio-san, Sanae-san, and Sunohara-san. I could tell that Sunohara-san was truly sorry for the mistake he made earlier. There was that glint of sadness and regret that I rarely ever saw him carry. All I could do for him was smile on his behalf.
"It's okay, Sunohara-san. I'm not my sister. I couldn't hate you for that." He looked taken aback by what I just told him, clearly unable to fathom the idea that I could forgive him so easily. "Still… she needs to hear the truth from me. She's my friend. She deserves that much from me at the very least. After all… I am Tomoya-kun's girlfriend now. The burden is mine to bear."
Sanae-san took a small step forward. "Even so, you shouldn't have to bear it alone."
So did Akio-san as well. "I can tell you and Nagisa are close friends. She'll forgive you in time." It felt weird to hear her father giving me words of encouragement, considering the situation at hand, that I was the one responsible for Nagisa-chan's crying. "All is fair in love and war. She'll have to come to the acceptance part of grief sooner or later. Just do what you can for her now and be there for her." I nodded at them both before turning back towards the door. I felt someone's hand on my left shoulder. Turning to look around, it was Sunohara-san, a solemn look on his face as he whispered to me, "We'll be out here if you need us." I smiled at them all and nodded, hoping that whatever awaited me next… was something that I could survive.
I knocked on the door, making sure that Nagisa-san had no objections to me entering her room. Waiting a few moments but with no indication that she didn't want anyone coming in, I took the first step inside.
Nagisa's room was tiny and quaint. Tomoya-kun told me that he was over here in this room not too long ago when he went to check up on her. There was a giant bulge underneath the comforter on the bed where Nagisa-chan must have been hiding in. I slowly approached her bed and took a seat next to her, looking away from the lump on the bed and into the rest of the room, knowing that Nagisa-chan probably didn't want me looking at her.
I sat there in complete silence, figuring out where to begin all of this. The rhythmic ticking of her clock counted the seconds away until I was able to finally speak up. "Nagisa-chan… I know it's hard for me to admit this, and for you to hear this too, but… as my friend, you need to hear this from me. I'm sorry that you had to hear it from Sunohara-san like that, but… " I hesitated, an anxiety building inside, wondering if Nagisa-chan will forever hate me for what I was about to say next, but I knew it was now or never. "...Tomoya-kun and I… are dating."
I braced myself, grabbing onto the sheets beneath me, just waiting to hear Nagisa-chan's voice yelling at me indignant fury for stealing Tomoya-kun away from her. I curled up into a ball on her bed, still facing away from her, fear overtaking me once more as I can faintly hear the muffled sounds of sobbing coming from underneath the comforter. I knew it was only a matter of time before I would have to look Nagisa-chan in the eye and see the consequences of my choices. Would she have a look of anger and despair? Or would it be sadness in her eyes that I would bear witness too? My chest tightened, my breathing strained, my heart remorseful, as I felt the oncoming deluge of tears trying to escape from my eyes.
What happened next… left me speechless.
I felt her arms slowly wrapping around my abdomen as her forehead pressed against my back.
"I'm… I'm really happy for you, Ryou-chan, and yet… I can't help but cry…" I couldn't see her face in my current position, but I knew that Nagisa broke down right then and there. I shimmied my body around to face her, with Nagisa letting go of me, as her body suddenly collapsed into me. I immediately cradled her body in my arms as she leaned into my shoulders, letting the tears out. She was quietly sobbing to herself, most likely trying to lessen any concerns that I had for her. We stayed in that position for what felt like an eternity, the silence deafening our ears with its stillness. I rubbed her back with my right hand as softly as I could, to reassure her that she wasn't alone in her pain and suffering. It was the only thing that I felt I could do to ease her sadness. After a while, Nagisa-chan parted from our embrace to look me at eye-level. Her eyes were stained red with her tears but they were slowly getting better. "I'm sorry, Ryou-chan. I'm so sorry… for being selfish. I know… that Tomoya-kun… is now your boyfriend, but I can't help but feel this way. I'm… a terrible friend."
"No, you're not, Nagisa-chan!"
"Huh?"
"You're a dear friend of mine. Don't say something like that, please!"
"I shouldn't be feeling this way at all. I'm not supposed to feel jealous of you. I'm… I'm supposed to be feel happy for you, Ryou."
"It's okay. It's… natural… to feel jealousy in a situation like this. Do you know…what Tomoya-kun told me?"
"What did he say?"
"He said that it's okay to be a little selfish when you're in love with someone. That's just the way romance works."
"I see. I'm glad… that Tomoya-kun chose someone as kind and caring as you…to be his girlfriend."
"I…I don't think I'm worthy of being Tomoya-kun's girlfriend, Nagisa-chan."
"Huh? Why would you say that?"
"I'm… still kinda painfully shy around him. I've improved a bit, but… I still have a long ways to go."
Nagisa-chan was silent, as if parsing through her thoughts for a proper response. She looked me in the eye, resolutely firm yet tinge in sadness. "...Even so, you did what I could never muster up the courage to do… you asked him out. That… takes a lot of courage. It may not seem much in the grand scheme of things, but… " I felt like Nagisa-chan was trying her best to fight back the tears once more, so I did the only thing I felt I could do for her: I slowly reached over to her hand and pulled it into mine. I slowly began entwining my fingers with hers, feeling the soft texture of her skin against mine, her face in shock with an apparent blush on her face. Her hand felt different from Tomoya-kun's, with his feeling a bit more coarse and rough, but it still felt gentle to the touch, belonging to someone kind and loving. My forehead found itself pressing against Nagisa-chan's, as she started stammering out confused shrieks.
"R-Ryou-chan, what are you doing?" I could feel her breath upon my face, her forehead against mine, strands of our bangs entwining together, the scent of jasmine perfume upon my nose. I too felt embarrassed by the current position I was now in with Nagisa-chan but I wanted her close to me.
"Familiar, huh?" It took her a few moments to realize what I was talking about, but she softly giggled when the answer came to her.
"It was like the first time we met, except I wasn't crying and our foreheads weren't touching."
"Yes, that is true." I couldn't help but quietly laugh as well. I didn't know what overcame me in this instant but I reached up and planted a gently kiss on her forehead, as Nagisa-chan's face lit up red in embarrassment, shocked that I had done such a thing. I too felt flushed as well, but I felt that was the only thing I could do to comfort my friend.
"Thank you, Ryou-chan… for being my friend." I couldn't help but tear up upon hearing those words, knowing that she still saw me as her friend in spite of everything that has happened. I pulled Nagisa-chan into another embrace as we both laid down on the bed this time, cuddling against one another for what felt like hours. Our stomachs started growling as we both laughed.
"We… never really finished eating dinner, did we?" Nagisa-chan was right; we didn't at all.
"Let's head back downstairs and finish it up."
"It's probably gotten cold at this point though."
I smiled back at her to cheer her up. "I'm not too concerned about that. What matters is that we're all eating together as a family." Nagisa-chan smiled and nodded in understanding. We barely took one step off of the bed before a loud crash came from beyond the door. We both rushed through the door to see what happened. At the bottom of the stairs was Akio-san and Sanae-san tending to an injured Sunohara-san… who looked like he fell down the stairs? It felt really suspect if I had to be honest, though.
"Mom, dad, what happened?!"
"Nagisa, Sunohara-kun here had an unfortunate accident where he fell down the stairs. He'll be out of commission for a while." Sanae-san had a concerned look as she was helping him off of the ground. Sunohara-san struggled to raise a thumbs-up to me, with Akio-san having to help him by forcefully raising the rest of his arm. He screamed in pain immediately afterwards, an unpleasant screech that I could hear from all the way up on the second floor. "It was you who knocked me to-" Sunohara-san couldn't finish his sentence before Akio-san covered his mouth. I had a haunting suspicion it wasn't an accident after all, and I was probably right in that assumption.
Nagisa-chan and I made our way downstairs as we went back and finished what was left of our dinner. It had already gotten late so Sunohara-san had missed his curfew to get back to his dormitory. Sanae-san suggested the idea that he could stay in the living room. Akio-san seemed hesitant at first but eventually relented. I was prepared to leave but Sanae-san also suggested that I should stay the night as well. I told her that my parents might have objected, but Akio-san said that they could probably convince them. I called my parents with my cellphone and handed it over to Nagisa-chan's parents. They spent some time on the phone before handing it back to me, with them smiling at me in approval. I was shocked that there were able to pull it off but it was nice that I could spend some more time with Nagisa-chan.
"You know, I can't remember the last time Nagisa ever had a friend over for a sleepover. Do you, Sanae?"
She shook her head, a wistful smile on her face. "I can't either, but I'm glad she has someone to keep her company tonight."
Nagisa-chan lent me a pair of pajamas to borrow for the night. After I got out of the bath, I found Nagisa-chan sitting there quietly with a pensive look on her face. Upon hearing my footsteps entering my room, she looked up at me with a bright smile. "Welcome back."
"Thank you, Nagisa-chan." I reciprocated her smile as I sat down next to her on her bed. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm doing okay, but…" Hearing Nagisa-chan hesitate on her next words, I found myself slowly wrapping my arms around her again to comfort her, my chin resting on her left shoulder.
"I'm sorry, Ryou-chan. This… is going to take some time here, I'm afraid."
I could feel her body trembling through me as I whispered to her as softly as my voice could go. "It's okay. There's no need to rush. We have all the time in the world." Thinking of something to distract Nagisa-chan, a lightbulb went off in my head as I reached over to the denim cardigan I was wearing earlier. Digging through one of the pockets, I found my deck of playing cards and pulled it out.
"Ryou-chan?"
"Here, I have an idea." I began by demonstrating how I shuffled my deck of cards. Nagisa-chan took a fascination with my display of dexterity as I handed her the deck next. "Here, you try."
Nagisa-chan held the deck in her hands as her fingers tried to nimbly cut the deck in half and continuously put the other half on top over again, but I couldn't help but quietly laugh as several cards spilled onto the bed in a sprawl every now and then. She had the brightest tint of red on her face from embarrassment.
I reassured her that it was okay for her to make mistakes. "It takes practice. I've been doing this for years so that's why it comes naturally to me." I proceeded to gently hold Nagisa-chan's hands and fingers into my own as we both held onto the deck, carefully guiding where her fingers should be every time she split the deck in half. I could feel the tender softness of her skin on my own and out of the corner of my eyes, I could see that her blush from earlier hadn't faded. If anything, it might had grown even more, as I heard her quietly mewling. I smiled her to give her the emotional support that she needed right now. Nagisa-chan started getting better and better with her shuffling as she made far less mistakes and dropping less cards onto her bed. "Keep practicing and you'll get faster and better in no time."
"Thank you, Ryou-chan." She smiled at me with a warm radiance, as I wanted to believe that she wasn't thinking about the events from earlier then and there. "What exactly did you want me to do next?"
"I'll teach you the art of cartomancy."
"Like with your fortune telling?"
"That's exactly it! Cartomancy is fortune telling or divination through the use of cards. Different forms of cartomancy came into being after regular playing cards were introduced into Europe in the 14th century. Practitioners are referred to as cartomancers or more simply, card readers."
"Oh wow, I never knew that there was an official name for it or anything like that." Nagisa-chan had that surprised look of curiosity as her right index and thumb were resting on her chin in an inquisitive manner.
"There are different ways to go about having your fortune told so I'll just simply start with one of the more simple methods. Draw three cards and place them face down." Nagisa-chan proceeded to do as I had instructed. I pointed to the card on her furthest left. The one on the left is the past; the middle card tells the present, and the right, the future."
"Do you just know what each card means just from looking at them?"
"Yes, I do. That too… also takes a lot of practice." I nervously laughed, scratching the side of my cheek with one finger.
"I really do admire how dedicated you are, Ryou-chan. This must've taken a long time to remember."
"Thank you, it did. But it takes effort, and I feel really passionate about fortune telling so I try my best to be good at it. I don't think I am but others might disagree with me on that. You're passionate about theater too, hence why you're trying your hardest to revive the Drama Club, right?"
Nagisa-chan smiled at me as her eyes momentarily closed, as if reminiscing about a fond memory. "I once saw a play when I was a little girl. It was about a girl who was a duck who could transform into a human and wanted to confess her feelings to a prince. She knew it couldn't happen though because she would transform back into a duck if she did."
That basic synopsis… sounded eerily familiar to me. "It reminds me of Swan Lake, but with a duck instead."
"It does, and yet, I remember it being different from Swan Lake in a way." Nagisa-chan flipped over the card and revealed the Eight of Hearts.
"The Eight of Hearts… An unexpected gift or visit, or an invitation to a party." This card didn't really reflect too much of my past, but the more I thought of it, the more I was reminded of how Tomoya-kun and I first met, but that was a story for another time…
Nagisa-chan slowly flipped over the middle card to reveal… "...The Three of Hearts. What does that mean, Ryou-chan?"
"When the entire spread is generally favorable, it means love and happiness. On the other hand, in a difficult spread, it can indicate emotional problems and an inability to decide who to love."
Nagisa-chan nodded in understanding. "The last card is the one for the future, right?"
"Yes, but…" Cards meant for the future were the ones that always made me nervous the most because I was always worried that whatever bad fortunes I may get would turn true. And in my paranoia to avoid it, it ends up coming true in the end as a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. "...I'm always nervous about those cards, if I had to be honest with you."
"Luckily, the future is never set in stone." Nagisa-chan tried her best to comfort me as she could probably sense that I was feeling a bit anxious about the last card. Flipping it over, she revealed… "The Ten of Spades. Is that good… or bad, Ryou-chan?"
It took me a few moments to recompose myself after seeing that card. "Worry, or bad news." My voice was sullen as Nagisa-chan gave me a tiny hug to comfort me. "Thank you, I know fortune telling isn't always correct, but I can't help but worry sometimes, you know?" We spent the next hour or two telling more fortunes about ourselves, some good and some not, and having Nagisa-chan practice her shuffling even more. We eventually decided to call it a night after midnight as it was starting to get a little late.
That night, Nagisa-chan and I shared the bed as we both cuddled against one another. It dawned on me that I haven't slept over at another friend's house in ages as well, but it felt nice… to have that warm feeling of another's body against you. We turned towards each other, our heads resting on our pillows, appreciative of the fact that we weren't alone in our thoughts that night, that there was someone there to snap us back into reality when we were beginning to fall into the morose despair of the current situation in the present.
"Stay with me?" I nodded with the biggest smile I could muster as we turned off most of the lights in the room and closed our eyes to greet the darkness of slumber. My hand reached over to hers in the near-darkness of the room and held it as tightly as I could. That feeling felt… simply nostalgic to me…
I woke up the next morning. It was Saturday. My eyes opened to the sight of a sleeping Nagisa-chan. I couldn't help but smile at the serene sight in front of me. A fleeting thought flashed through my mind, the idea of wanting to press my lips against hers, but I knew it wasn't right to do so without her permission.
I got off of her bed as quietly as I could as I took a step outside onto the veranda to look out at the horizon. The sun was rising; dawn was slowly approaching, casting its radiance upon the world as the darkness of the night was slowly being lifted away. My hands were gripping onto the metal railing as I craned my head backwards, closing my eyes and letting the cool, morning breeze wash over my body. I knew the road ahead in life from here on out was only going to become more difficult with the unexpected and the inevitable, but I wanted this one quiet moment to myself while no one was around. Nagisa-chan was still sleeping, and I had a feeling that she was in better spirits now compared to how she has been the past week or so. At least, that's what I wanted to believe. I knew that things wouldn't be resolved so easily, that it would take time for all of us to come to terms with the present situation at hand, but we had to keep moving forward with our lives, no matter the pain that awaits us ahead.
I turned towards the rising sun, taking in the sight for as long as I could before it became too bright to stare at it. I turned to reach the door behind me, wanting to wake Nagisa-chan up to enjoy the sight with me, but as my grip lingered on the handle of the door, I stared at her sleeping form from beyond the glass. I couldn't help but smile at my friend, as I hope that she too will find happiness someday.
For every shadow, no matter how deep, is threatened by the morning light. [6]
Well, that's the end of chapter 10. If you actually made it to the end of this chapter, then I salute you for being able to put up with my story for this long. If it's not asking too much, any kind of feedback, be it pointing out spelling/grammar mistakes, suggestions, or just your thoughts and feelings on this chapter, anything would be great. All I ask is that you remain civil and keep things constructive. That's all. ^_^'
Remember to check my profile page every day to see how much progress I have made on the next chapter. It will go up the moment that number hits 100%.
And don't worry, I'm never going to drop this story, so long as there is continued interest from readers for my fanfic. For personal reasons, I want to see this story through to the very end, even if it takes years to get there…
Footnotes:
[1] - Episode 23 of Clannad ~After Story~, The Event from One Year Before (一年前の出来事).
[2] - A quote from the 2017 Rian Johnson film Star Wars: The Last Jedi.
[3] - A quote from the now-canceled Kojima Productions game Silent Hills.
[4] - From Wikipedia: Nikujaga is a Japanese dish of meat, potatoes and onion stewed in sweetened soy sauce, sometimes with ito konnyaku and , potatoes make up the bulk of the dish, with meat mostly serving as a source of flavor. It is usually boiled until most of the liquid has been reduced. Thinly sliced beef is the most common meat used, although minced/ground beef is also popular. Pork is often used instead of beef in eastern Japan.
[5] - From Wikipedia: Namasu (膾) is a Japanese dish consisting of thinly sliced uncooked (nama) vegetables and seafood, marinated in rice vinegar (su) for several hours, pickling them slightly. Sunomono and other vinegared salads are related to namasu. Sunomono dishes are closely related to namasu, which is a Japanese dish consisting of uncooked vegetables or seafood that has been thinly sliced and marinated in su, or vinegar. Marinating the foods in vinegar often leaves them with an acidic, pickled taste. Sunomono refers to food that has been dressed with vinegar, whereas namasu refers to food that has been marinated in vinegar.
[6] - A quote from the 2006 Darren Aronofsky film The Fountain.