Author's Note: The Lara Croft featured in this battle will be from the "Legends" timeline and the Jill Valentine featured here comes from the "Revelations"/pre-RE5 era.
XXXXXX
(A Caucasian woman with long brown hair worn in a ponytail and wearing a brown halter top, brown shorts, black fingerless gloves, and black boots points a Mini Uzi at the camera.)
Lara Croft: The British archaeologist who has traveled to all corners of the globe seeking the most legendary of artifacts...
(Lara is shown gunning down a mercenary with an Uzi blast.)
vs.
(A Caucasian woman with long brown hair and bright blue eyes wearing a light blue hat, matching sweater, dark blue pants, and black boots pulls out a Beretta M92F and pulls back the slide, posing with a look of sheer determination.)
Jill Valentine: The former S.T.A.R.S. agent who was instrumental in the downfall of the corrupt Umbrella Corporation.
(Jill is shown dropping a zombie with a point blank blast between the eyes.)
WHO IS DEADLIEST?!
To find out, we've assembled a team of world class fighters to test history's most lethal weapons. Using 21st century science, we'll see what happens when two warriors go toe to toe.
No rules. No safety. No mercy. It's a duel to the death to decide who is...THE DEADLIEST WARRIOR!
Here in our elite fight club we have gathered doctors, medical scientists and weapons experts to test out the lethal arsenals wielded by each of our combatants to determine who would win in a fight between two warriors who never met in a face to face duel:
Lara Croft
First Appearance: Tomb Raider (1996)
Height: 5' 8"
Weight: 131 lbs.
Nationality: British
Jill Valentine
First Appearance: Resident Evil (1996)
Height: 5' 8"
Weight: 123 lbs.
Nationality: American
"For the first time on the show, we are having a battle between two women warriors, specifically the leading ladies of two very popular video game franchises. On one side we have Lara Croft, the famed archaeologist who has traveled to the ends of the earth seeking some of the most legendary artifacts known to man, versus Jill Valentine, the tough as nails former S.T.A.R.S. agent who helped uncover the true nature of the Umbrella Corporation and has gone on to combat an entire menagerie of its Bio-Organic Weapons and bring down other operations of theirs all over the world," biomedical scientist Bradley Foster started out.
"When you look at the physicality involved, you are talking about an Olympic-level athlete going up against someone with actual military and police training who once survived a city crawling with zombies. Also, you have to take into account the psychological differences that these women warriors would have with their male counterparts, where they are more so strategists compared to the more aggressive, testosterone-driven 'alpha males.' It will be interesting to see how that influences their actions on the battlefield," trauma doctor Joseph Kaiser added.
"When it comes to their backgrounds, you are talking about two women who have faced off against supernatural and biological adversaries, so they have to be ready for literally anything that could be thrown at them. They carry LOTS of guns with them and when necessary, they know how to improvise. This is going to be a battle I am very excited to see," computer expert Eddie Cortez concluded.
The camera then cuts to a man with black hair and blue eyes. He is wearing a black shirt with a red design, green cargo pants and brown boots. He pulls out a pistol and points it at the screen.
Up first to represent Lara Croft will be Kurtis Trent.
An ex-Legionnaire and adventurer, Kurtis assisted Lara during the events of 'Angel of Darkness.'
"Lara would eat this Valentine lady for breakfast. Sure she's killed a few brainless zombies, but what Lara has gone against takes speed, reflexes and smarts," Kurtis smirked.
The camera then pans over to a bald-headed African-American man with a full beard. He is wearing a tan vest over a blue shirt and tan cargo pants. He is shown sharpening the pick end of a climbing axe.
Also representing Lara will be Carter Bell.
A rival archaeologist turned friend of the famed explorer, Carter competed with Lara for the fabled Staff of Osiris, but would then later team up with her to stop a cult from bringing cataclysmic devastation to the world.
"You name it, Lara's survived it. Jill Valentine might think she's a professional, but in the end she's biting off more than she can chew," Carter spoke.
Born into a life of privilege as the only daughter of Lord Richard and Lady Amelia Croft, Lara's life would forever change after surviving a plane crash in the Himalayas alongside her mother. When exploring a nearby temple, she would inadvertently open a portal after touching a mysterious sword. Hearing a mysterious voice from the other side, Lara's mother would pull out the sword and then disappear in a flash of green light. Although abandoned, Lara managed to survive the ordeal, yet would be forever haunted by that fateful day.
"Once she made her way back to civilization, she trained herself like no other, learning everything she could about history, combat, athletics, and various other fields so she would one day be able to get the answers behind her mother's disappearance," Kurtis explained.
The extensive training would pay off with Lara going on to discover such legendary artifacts as the blade Excalibur, the Philosopher's Stone, and the Ark of the Covenant, as well as surviving encounters with supernatural entities and animals long thought extinct, as well as having survived adventures in fabled locales such as Atlantis and Area 51.
"Lara Croft is simply the best at what she does. She has accomplished the impossible and lived to tell about it. One cop alone is nothing to her," Kurtis concluded.
The famed archaeologist carries out her dangerous expeditions with a reliable arsenal at her disposal:
Short Range: HK USP Match 9mm
Mid Range: Mini Uzi
Long Range: M4 Colt Commando
Special Weapon: Climbing Axe
But today, the "Tomb Raider" goes up against an equally determined, resourceful challenger.
The camera cuts to a brown-haired man wearing a green tactical vest with several pouches on it, charcoal pants, and black combat boots. A patch on his undershirt reveals him as a member of the BSAA. He checks the telescopic sights on an assault rifle before pointing it at the camera.
Up first to represent Jill Valentine is her long time colleague, Chris Redfield.
Originally an officer with the Raccoon Police Department's STARS Alpha team, Chris was among the survivors who escaped from the Spencer Estate following the discovery of a sinister conspiracy that resulted in the majority of their teammates being wiped out. He would later fight alongside her in taking down the Umbrella Corporation's remnants and together, they would become founding members of the Bioterrorism Security Assessment Alliance.
"Jill Valentine is a woman on a mission to keep the world safe from bio-terrorism and that determination alone will make her something unlike anything this treasure hunter has ever faced," he nodded.
He is joined by a slender African woman in a purple singlet, beige pants, and knee-high boots who also wears leather forearm guards and traditional African jewelry. She loads a fresh magazine into an MP5A3 before pointing at at the screen.
Also representing Jill Valentine will be Sheva Alomar.
An agent from the BSAA's West African branch, Sheva is an expert on the weapons and tactics of the veteran agent, as well as having assisted Agent Redfield during the Kijuju Incident and then later having a hand in liberating Agent Valentine from the clutches of their nemesis Albert Wesker.
"Lara Croft is a bored rich girl with too much free time on her hands. She'll learn soon enough she should have just stuck to crawling around in dusty tombs," Sheva said with confidence.
Having her beginnings in the United States Army and later partaking in Delta Force's Operator Training Course, Jill Valentine would eventually find herself recruited to the Raccoon Police Department's elite STARS Alpha team. It wasn't long after her recruitment that a series of bizarre cannibal murders began occurring on the outskirts of Raccoon City and the STARS team would be dispatched to investigate. When their colleagues in Bravo Team failed to report back, Alpha Team was sent in and following a vicious attack by dog-like monsters would find themselves at the Spencer Estate.
"It turned out that the Spencer Estate was actually a front for a secret laboratory owned by the international pharmaceutical conglomerate Umbrella, Inc., where they carried out illegal experiments that produced these 'Bio-Organic Weapons' that looked like something straight out of a child's nightmare. Jill and I fought our way through that mad house and that wasn't the only surprise we had that night," Chris explained in a dark, foreboding tone.
Learning they had been set up by their own Captain, Albert Wesker, Jill and a handful of survivors escaped the mansion. Months later, she would barely escape from the now overrun Raccoon City just before it was wiped out by a nuclear strike. Once reunited with her teammates, she would embark upon a lengthy campaign striking against various Umbrella holdouts before the company's closure in 2003 and continue battling biohazardous threats following the establishment of the BSAA.
"Jill is hands down one of the toughest people I know. She's resourceful, she's brave, and she's driven. Lara Croft doesn't stand a chance," Chris concluded.
The veteran agent comes into battle equipped with a reliable arsenal for taking out human and bio-organic threats alike:
Short Range: Beretta M92F "Samurai Edge"
Mid Range: MP5A3
Long Range: Steyr AUG A2
Special Weapon: KA-BAR
When the battle got to close range, both women had trusted handguns they relied upon to get them out of sticky situations. Up first will be Lara Croft with one of her long trusted sidearms, the HK USP Match 9mm.
(Lara is shown sliding along the ground on her side, gunning down a mercenary before she comes to a complete halt.)
HK USP Match 9mm
Semi-automatic
Length: 9.45 in.
Weight: 2.6 lbs.
Cartridge: 9x19mm Parabellum
Clip Size: 15 Rounds
"The HK USP Match is one of Lara's favorite guns. It's accurate and reliable in all situations," Kurtis said showing off his pistol to the panelists, "Normally she likes to carry two of these bad boys at once, but given today's challenge, I only bring one."
"That's real cute if you're looking for competition shooting, but I bring something intended for combat," Sheva replied pulling out her own handgun.
Answering the challenge, Jill Valentine fires back with the standard issue sidearm of the STARS unit, the Beretta M92F "Samurai Edge."
(Jill is shown taking aim with her Samurai Edge and dropping 3 zombies in succession with head shots.)
Beretta M92F "Samurai Edge"
Semi-automatic
Length: 8 in.
Weight: 34 oz.
Cartridge: 9x19mm Parabellum
Clip Size: 15 Rounds
"This is a modified version of the M92F pistol called the "Samurai Edge," purpose-built for the STARS operatives. Anything the HK can do, this bad boy can do just as good," Sheva explained showing off her handgun.
"And we're going to put that claim to the test," Bradley said motioning to a range set up behind them, a room filled with foam torsos positioned at various intervals, including two visible targets outfitted in black balaclavas. "This is the scenario: an office has been overtaken by terrorists. Your objective is to first shoot out the overhead lights and then take out the terrorists without harming any of the hostages. Kurtis, you won the coin toss, so you will be going first."
"Sure thing," he nodded getting into position and readying the HK USP.
"Alright Kurtis, on 3...2...1, clear 'em out!"
Kurtis raised his gun and quickly shot out the nearest overhead light before switching his aim and taking out the second, followed by the last before making his way into the "office."
He took aim and shot down the first hostile target with three shots to the chest before the second was turned around on a rotating platform to face him, only to be met by two rounds to the chest. A third popped up from behind a desk, but was dropped by two more rounds. A nearby door swung open and the final terrorist target popped out with a civilian positioned in front of it, yet Kurtis took his time and fired a round into the hostile's face before calling out "Time!"
"14 seconds!" Bradley called out.
Dr. Kaiser made his way into the makeshift office and carefully inspected all of the "civilian" targets first, "I am seeing no damage done to any of the hostages here. Good job!"
He then inspected the first three terrorist targets, "All of these guys are D.O.A. You dropped all of them with close groupings, a great testament to your gun's accuracy," he said before making his way over to the final hostile target, first inspecting its 'hostage.'
"And I'm seeing no damage done to our hostage, while you dropped the bad guy with an instant kill shot to the forehead. Your survivor will be frightened, but still alive in the end," the doctor concluded.
"Think you can top that, Sheva?" Eddie asked the female agent.
"Absolutely," she nodded and waited for the crew to clean up and replace the lights and terrorist targets before taking her position.
"Alright Sheva, it's the same test for you. On 3...2...1, take 'em out!"
Sheva made her approach and quickly shot out the first light, followed by the last two in succession before making her way into the makeshift office.
She took aim and shot the first target down with two rounds through the skull before shifting her focus to the second and dropping it with two rounds to its cranium. The third target popped up from behind the desk and it was dispatched in a similar manner before the door swung open and the final hostile target emerged with the "civilian" in front of it. Sheva took her time and lined up her shot before delivering two final rounds to the hostile's skull and calling out "Time!"
"17 seconds!" Bradley called back, Sheva giving him a brief look of disbelief.
Dr. Kaiser again made his way into the makeshift office to inspect all of the civilian targets, "I'm seeing no damage done to the civilians or our last hostage here. Good job," he said before turning his attention to the hostile targets, "You performed a double tap to all these guys, and head shots too. The second bullet would have been overkill given the first shot alone, yet you proved your point."
"Given the kind of enemies the STARS and later BSAA are used to fighting, we are used to going for head shots right away," Sheva explained.
"Well it's deadly either way," Eddie commented.
"But costly when you are taking the extra time to line up for a head shot," Carter added.
Both guns left a trail of dead terrorists in their wake, but where do our panelists stand?
"Both fire the same round and have the same magazine size. From what I've seen, they also have roughly the same amount of stopping power. I'm calling this one even," Bradley started.
"I disagree. While the two guns have their glaring similarities, when you analyze the data further you will see that the HK USP has the better effective firing range of 100 meters (328 feet) compared to the Samurai Edge's 50 meters (160 feet). I'm calling this in favor of the HK USP," Eddie countered.
The tiebreaker would fall down to Dr. Kaiser.
"Effective range is important when you break everything down. I'm giving a slight edge to the HK USP on this one," the good doctor concluded.
In short range weapons, Lara Croft takes the edge with the HK USP Match 9mm.
Coming up, two iconic submachine guns are drawn as the shootout continues.
XXXXX
The time has now come for both warrior women to unleash their mid-ranged arsenals. Up first will be Jill Valentine with her variant of the world famous MP5, the A3.
(Jill is shown gunning down a Cerberus with her MP5A3.)
MP5A3
Semi-Automatic or Fully Automatic
Weight: 6.8 lbs.
Length: 21.7 in. w/stock collapses
Cartridge: 9x19mm Parabellum
Clip Size: 30 Rounds
"This is the most widely sought variant of the MP5. It has reliability, accuracy, easy to handle, and simple to maintain," Sheva explained.
"At this point you have now liberated an entire office full of hostages and now you have managed to trace the terrorists back to their hideout," Bradley explained motioning to the shooting range set up behind them, consisting of a long narrow hallway with a right turn at the end, "Your objective is to eliminate all targets, ending with the leader camped out in his office. However, we've opted to make it more challenging compared to the last. All targets are outfitted with lasers and if you get tagged, the test ends immediately."
"Understood," Sheva said before taking her position in front of the door.
"Alright Sheva, on 3...2...1, make entry!"
Sheva kicked the door open and quickly dropped a target with a three shot burst to the chest before she was forced to take cover behind two wooden crates to avoid a target that had popped out from behind an oil drum. When she was confident the target's laser had gone off, she popped out and fired another burst into its chest before moving further down the hall and quickly gunning down a third target that popped out from around the corner. She then rounded the corner and came to the door and brought her boot up, breaking it open before rolling along the ground and gunning down a fourth target that was standing in front of her. The "leader" target then spun around and she waited until it was facing her before unloading what remained of her clip into its chest and face.
"Done!" Sheva called out.
"All done in 12 seconds. Good job!" Bradley called back.
Dr. Kaiser made his way inside the small structure and began inspecting the targets, starting with the first target. "Your grouping on this first guy is tight enough to shred his lung like paper. A testament to the A3's accuracy that you speak of."
He then made his way over to the second target, "This guy has no heart anymore...at least not one that works. Another tight grouping for an instant kill." Proceeding further down the hallway he came to the third target, "Oh man, you just literally systematically chipped away at this guy's face. It's nothing but hamburger meat right now."
Lastly, he would make his way into the office, "This guy is toast right off the bat. You are catching him completely by surprise as you break this door down. You went a little lower and tore apart his abdominal region and got fluids gushing out right away. It's a slow and sickening death for him. As for our 'leader,' it's quicker and more merciful for him with his head, chest and shoulders torn apart for a quick death. Altogether, it's 5 kills for you."
"You did your job and all, but keep in mind we have something that is just as reliable," Carter answered.
Answering the challenge, Lara Croft's experts fire back with a popular killer of their own, the Mini Uzi.
(Lara is shown gunning down a trio of wolves leaping at her while they are still in mid-air.)
Mini Uzi
Semi-Automatic or Fully Automatic
Weight: 7.72 lbs.
Length: 23.62 in.
Cartridge: 9x19mm Parabellum
Clip Size: 32 Rounds
"This a gun used in various police and paramilitary forces. It's popular for its cheap metal parts, high rate of fire, mechanical simplicity and overall reliability," Carter explained.
"So in some ways it doesn't seem much different from the A3," Eddie added.
"Looks more about pray and spray if you ask me," Chris piped in.
"Say what you will, but this gun has a tried and proven track record. It can do anything the A3 can do and just as well," Carter replied.
"Then let's put that theory to the test. It's the same challenge for you, Carter. The time to beat is 12 seconds," Bradley spoke.
"You got it," Carter nodded taking his position in front of the entrance.
"Alright Carter, on 3...2...1, take 'em down!"
Carter brought his foot up and kicked the door open, quickly peppering the first target with rounds to the chest and stomach before he was forced to slide behind the wooden crates for cover to avoid the laser from the second target. Once its laser had gone off, he popped up and dropped it with a flurry that tore the top of the dummy's head off before proceeding further down the hall and quickly firing into the target that popped out from around the corner. He rounded the corner and kicked the office door open, another lightning flurry into its chest before the "leader" target spun around and Carter emptied what remained of his clip.
"Done!" Carter shouted.
"13 seconds," Bradley called back.
Dr. Kaiser made his rounds to examine all of the targets, "Your first guy is dropped in a hail of gunfire, multiple rounds to his chest and stomach. No way he's getting up from that. Your second target, he'll be lucky if his brains aren't spilling out after this one."
He then made his way around to examine the last few targets, "I'm seeing the same thing with all of these guys and given that your gun uses the same kind of round as the A3, there really isn't much of a difference in the kind of damage done. 5 kills altogether."
Both submachine guns managed to match each other kill for kill, but which gun do our panelists favor?
"I'm calling this one even. Both guns fire the same round, have similar clip sizes and similar accuracy," Bradley started.
"It's typically 'pray and spray' when it comes to using submachine guns, but these guns matched each other in very similar ways. I'm calling it even also," Dr. Kaiser seconded.
"The only thing the Mini Uzi has going for it is it having a higher rate of fire with 950 rounds per minute compared to the 800 of the MP5A3, but other than that they're still too evenly matched for either side to get a definite edge. Even," Eddie concluded.
In mid-ranged weapons, our warriors are even.
Coming up, two assault rifles are brought into play for a long range shoot out and then later, the battle goes to close quarters.
XXXXXX
The time has now come for both warriors to break out their long range weapons. Up first, Lara opens fire with the equally reliable 'little brother' of the Colt M4A1, the M4 Colt Commando.
(Lara guns down an Atlantean native with a flurry from her M4 Commando.)
M4 Colt Commando
Semi-automatic or Fully Automatic
Weight: 5.38 lbs.
Length: 30 in.
Cartridge: 5.56x45mm NATO
Clip Size: 30 Rounds
"This gun is very similar to, yet more compact than its 'brother' the M4A1 Carbine," Kurtis explained showing off the Colt Commando to the panelists, "Yet it still gives you the same accuracy and reliability when taking down your target."
"Let's put that accuracy to the test," Bradley said motioning to an outdoor range behind him where two suspended pig carcasses hung in front of 5 wooden targets, "Here's the scenario: We have two terrorists who have escaped, represented by the pigs, and they have taken 5 hostages. We are giving you one clip to eliminate both the hostiles without harming the innocents."
"Not a problem," Kurtis smirked while getting into position.
"Alright, on 3...2...1, take 'em down!" Bradley shouted.
He waited until Eddie got the pigs moving before opening fire, peppering the first target with a clear line before moving onto the next and scoring a few shots in a close knit grouping. He focused more on the first target again, forming another line with his bullets that criss-crossed with the first before returning his attention to the second target and emptying the rest of his clip.
"Empty!" Kurtis called out before taking a knee.
"38 seconds!" Bradley called back.
Dr. Kaiser examined the hostile targets, "With this gun I am seeing surgical precision. You managed to cut an X into this guy with bullets alone."
"X marks the spot after all," Kurtis smirked towards Sheva and Chris, who left unimpressed by his pun.
The good doctor ignored the exchange and examined both the second pig and then the wooden targets, "With this guy I'm seeing another close knit grouping that just totally shreds his aorta and heart itself. Aside from that, I'm seeing no damage done to your hostages. They'll be traumatized, yet still alive."
"Just the kind of accuracy I'd expect from a member of the M4 family," Eddie commented before turning to Chris, "Hopefully you've got yourself a damned good gun to counter with."
"Oh I do. Your friend wouldn't be so cocky if she had one of these pointed at her," Chris remarked drawing his rifle.
Jill Valentine returns fire with a trusted bullpup killer, the Steyr AUG A2.
(Jill is shown gunning down a Hunter with a flurry from her Steyr AUG A2.)
Steyr AUG A2
Semi-Automatic, Three Round Burst, or Fully Automatic
Weight: 8 lbs.
Length: 31 in.
Cartridge: 5.56x45mm NATO
Clip Size: 30 Rounds
"This is a selective fire assault rifle with a telescopic sight that greatly improves its accuracy to help give it a better effective range. It's also got a bullpup design for better use in close quarters. That right there negates Lara's advantage she thought she would have fighting in one of those cramped tombs," Chris explained.
"It's the same test for you, Chris. Your time to beat is 38 seconds," Bradley spoke.
"I'm on it," the BSAA agent nodded while getting into position, standing farther back from where Kurtis fired.
"Alright Chris, on 3...2...1, shoot 'em up!" Bradley shouted.
The roving pigs were activated and Chris took aim at the closest target, peppering it with a few rounds until the second target passed by and took rounds to its neck and upper chest during the flurry. He waited until the first target passed again and fired another cluster, followed by another to the second target, going back and forth until his gun clicked empty.
"Done!" Chris called back.
"34 seconds! Good job!" Bradley announced.
Dr. Kaiser made his way over to examine the targets, starting with the first.
"Wow...you actually managed to carve an 'R' into this pig's skin with bullets alone. That's some ace marksmanship we're seeing there!" the good doctor spoke in an awestruck tone.
"Just remember you are talking to a multi-time RPD shooting champion," Chris smirked.
The trauma doctor nodded and went to examine the second hostile target, followed by the civilian targets, "This guy is almost decapitated here with a number of shots tearing through the muscles in his neck. Both your bad guys are dead. After examining your innocents, I see no damage done to any of them. Good job!"
"Looks like you'll be paying the tab later on," Chris chuckled while patting Kurtis on the shoulder.
Both assault rifles showed off their deadly accuracy and killing power, but where do our panelists stand?
"I am well aware of the M4 family's reputation for advanced accuracy, but the AUG A2 just blew me away with its better effective range, not to mention the skill of the shooter behind the gun. I'm giving the edge to the Steyr AUG A2 for this one," Bradley started.
"I disagree and am going to call this one even. The Colt Commando's accuracy was enough for it to match up evenly against the A2," Dr. Kaiser countered.
The tiebreaker would again fall down to Eddie.
"I'm going with the A2 on this one. Not only does it have the better effective range, but you also have to consider its bullpup design, which gives it the compact design you need for better use in close quarters and both these warriors are used to fighting in close quarters. Edge A2."
In long range weapons, Jill Valentine takes the edge with the Steyr AUG A2.
Coming up, special weapons are put to the test and then later, it's the first ever featured battle between two fierce leading ladies to decide who is 'The Fictional Deadliest Warrior!
XXXXXX
The time has now come for both warriors to reveal their special weapons. When things called for hand-to-hand combat, all STARS members carried a trusted blade for a last resort, the KA-BAR.
(Jill is grabbed by a zombie attempting to bite her, yet she holds her attacker at bay with her forearm beneath its chin while pulling out a KA-BAR and driving her blade into the side of its head.)
KA-BAR Combat Knife
Fixed Blade
Weight: 1 lb.
Length: 7 in.
Carbon Steel
"This is a fighting and utility knife commonly used by American armed forces and is similar to a Bowie knife with its 7-inch clip point blade, good for slashing or stabbing. Whether you're looking to dig a trench or take out a zombie, this is an ideal tool to have by your side when everything else fails," Chris explained.
"And we have a lone, vengeful terrorist leader here for you to show us how brutal that knife of yours can be," Bradley said wheeling forth a ballistic gel torso, "We have a target here with a surface similar to actual human flesh and you have 15 seconds to prove your point."
"Let me give you some additional motivation," Sheva said walking over to the target and producing a pair of wrap around sunglasses that she placed on its face.
"Wesker," Chris growled.
"Alright Chris, on 3...2...1, let 'em have it!"
Chris barely waited for the 3 count to conclude as he lunged at the target with a mighty roar and quickly drove his blade into its throat, a splatter of stage blood following. What followed next was a flurry of movement as the former STARS marksman drove his blade in and out of the dummy's neck, face and head and by the moment Bradley called out "Time!" all that was left was a bloody mess.
"Umm...okay then," Eddie blurted out as everybody looked on in stunned silence, Chris standing before the savaged dummy with a bloodied blade in hand. He only offered a quiet grunt as he pulled out a rag to wipe the blood off and then slid his knife back into its holster.
"I'm almost scared to think of what Thanksgiving is like in the Redfield house," Eddie whispered to Bradley.
Dr. Kaiser had to take some time to compose himself before walking over to inspect the aftermath.
"All I saw was absolute berserker rage. I'm not going to be able to tell how many times you stabbed this guy without being able to conduct a full autopsy. From reviewing the slow motion footage though, I can tell you that your initial strike severed this man's carotid artery for a quick kill. Aside from that, you managed to sever his windpipe, spinal cord, every major blood vessel in his neck and even his brain stem."
"And it was all done in 15 seconds. That's some serious rage right there," Eddie commented.
"You don't even know the half of it," Chris grumbled.
"Judging by the readings generated from our sensors, you struck him with the average speed of 29 FPS, slightly less than the punching speed of an average Olympic boxer. But still, you were like lightning. Even in slow motion it's hard to keep track of your hand movements," Bradley concluded while reviewing the play back.
"Croft experts, your thoughts?" Eddie asked looking over to Carter and Kurtis.
"That's real cute and all, but Lara carried her own weapon that made sure you wouldn't be able to get close enough," Carter answered.
Answering the challenge, Lara replies with her own skull splitting improvised weapon of chose, the climbing axe.
(Lara is shown strangling a mercenary with her axe and wearing him down before bringing the pick end down on top of his skull.)
Climbing Axe
Steel
Weight: 14 oz.
Length: 2 ft.
"Given her line of work, Lara always carried one of these during her trips through the mountains. It can be used for scaling rock or ice walls, prying things open, or splitting an enemy's skull open," Carter explained.
"It's the same test for you and you have 15 seconds. Make them count," Bradley said.
"Right," Carter said getting into position.
"Carter, on 3...2...1, bust 'em up!"
Carter let out a shout and brought his pick end down on the front of the dummy's skull before ripping the pick out in a gory shower of stage blood before bringing it back down on top of its head and with a mighty yank, tore its skull open. Shaking some blood and bits of gel away, he went for another swing that tore into the dummy's neck and left a deep rend behind before going for a swing to its torso that shattered some of its ribs and pierced the lung beneath before Bradley called out "Time!"
Dr. Kaiser made his way over to assess the damage done, starting with examining the hole left at the front of the dummy's skull.
"Your first blow alone is breaking through this man's skull and piercing his frontal lobe for an instant kill shot. Your second shot tore this guy's skull open, with additional trauma done to the brain. With your shot to the neck, you ripped open this man's carotid artery and wind pipe in one swipe. Lastly, we are looking at a pierced lung, which would become a mortal wound without immediate attention," Dr. Kaiser explained.
"Quite anticlimactic if you ask me," Sheva said looking to Chris.
"Well I'd like to see your friend getting around the axe's reach. She'd wind up being just another tally on Lara's body count," Kurtis shot back.
Both special weapons showed off their abilities, but where do our panelists stand?
"Granted, the climbing axe has the better reach, but it's still very one-dimensional when compared to the KA-BAR's versatility of both slashing and stabbing attacks. Edge KA-BAR," Bradley started.
"Both weapons showed off very different kinds of trauma, yet with the KA-BAR, he attacked his opponent like a bolt of lightning in a way you didn't see coming with the axe. Edge KA-BAR," Dr. Kaiser seconded.
"The axe was too predictable for my standards and given Jill's training, I think she'd find a way of getting past the axe's reach. Edge KA-BAR," Eddie concluded.
In special weapons, Jill Valentine takes the edge with the KA-BAR.
As it is with all warriors, there is a critical X-factor that makes them who they are. For Lara Croft, it's her multitude of skills.
"Lara Croft is far more than just a pretty face. She is pretty much a human encyclopedia when it comes to her knowledge of archaeology. Not only that, she has the physical skills to back it up, having navigated more traps than you can think of through ruins all over the world. She's also a damned good shot and an expert in martial arts. If you ask me, she's basically the female equivalent of Batman," Kurtis explained.
For Jill Valentine, it's her experience from previous skirmishes against the living dead and other biological monstrosities.
"I have personally fought alongside this woman for years and watched her hold her own against zombies and other kinds of freaks that shouldn't even exist. She's fought her way through a mansion, survived the zombie-infested streets while being chased by a Nemesis largely by herself and helped me take down Umbrella's last major research center. With some of the things she's faced, she's ready for anything," Chris explained.
Coming up, it's a battle between two leading ladies to determine who will be 'Fictional Deadliest Warrior!'
XXXXXXX
With our testing completed and our X-factors evaluated, we are now one step closer to determining who is 'The Fictional Deadliest Warrior.'
Our team has tested 4 weapons wielded by Lara Croft: the HK USP Match 9mm, Mini Uzi, M4 Colt Commando, and the Climbing Axe.
On the opposite 4 weapons used by Jill Valentine were tested for battle: the Beretta M92F "Samurai Edge," MP5A3, Steyr AUG A2, and the KA-BAR combat knife.
In close range weapons, the HK USP Match 9mm outgunned the Beretta M92F.
EDGE: Lara Croft
In mid-ranged weapons, both the Mini Uzi and the MP5A3 stood tall for an even match up.
EDGE: Even
In long range weapons, the superior effective range of the Steyr AUG A2 allowed it to take out the Colt Commando.
EDGE: Jill Valentine
And finally in special weapons, the KA-BAR slashed down the Climbing Axe.
EDGE: Jill Valentine
Our scientists and weapons experts are done testing. The results are in and the time has come to decide who will be the victor. To ensure the battle won't be decided by a single lucky blow, the battle will be simulated one thousand times in a duel to the death.
Who will prevail in a battle between two fierce women warriors?
A bold treasure hunter
(Lara is shown running towards an opened doorway with a sack tucked underneath her arm as a temple collapses behind her.)
vs. A calculating special operative
(Jill is shown stepping back just in time as a zombie comes crashing through a door, only to fall a second later from a bullet to the head.)
Fighting supernatural threats
(Lara is shown gunning down a Viking Thrall with a flurry from her M4 Commando.)
vs. Fighting biological monstrosities
(Jill takes down a Scarmiglione with shots to its unarmored regions before it falls over dead.)
A woman who fights for a personal cause
(Lara is shown looking sadly towards a portrait of her mother Amelia Croft.)
vs. A woman who fights to protect the innocent from the evils of bio-terrorism
(Jill is shown defending a civilian from a Web Spinner with a barrage from her MP5A3.)
"This is another momentous first for us on 'Fictional Deadliest Warrior' and it's time to put to rest who the superior leading lady is," Eddie said before typing in a few commands and then hitting 'ENTER.'
XXXXXX
In an ancient temple, the treasure hunter Lara Croft finally stands before the glimmering crystal skull she had been seeking for a number of months.
Her contact back in Cambodia informed her of how this artifact could be the key to solving her long lost mother's disappearance. Following a number of wild goose chases and near fatal encounters with hired goons, here the skull sat before her.
It was an almost surreal feeling that left her on the verge of tears, yet she had to remain on guard following the great number of traps she had been forced to work her way through to get here. With a slow, cautious approach she reached out and grasped the skull.
And then there was the low rattle, followed by the crumbling of the pedestal on which the skull rested.
This could only spell trouble and so Lara quickly shoved the skull into a burlap sack she brought along and sprinted for the exit – only to have the ground suddenly collapse beneath her feet.
Luckily she had brought her trusted climbing axe along and she was left dangling off the ledge with the axe's pick end buried in the ground. Furthermore, the sack was still in her other hand and she breathed a quick sigh of relief before pulling herself up.
Meanwhile, Jill Valentine was just arriving at the small island in the South China Sea, settling her speedboat not far from the shore.
It wasn't far away she spotted the lone jet ski and she scanned the vast vegetation for any signs of life, yet spotted nothing so far.
According a recent lead, there were rumors the surviving elements of Umbrella were regrouping and they needed to be stopped before they could strike again.
Radio chatter had been intercepted from the general vicinity and with over 250 small landforms to cover, BSAA forces had to act quick and were already spread too far thin, forcing Jill to explore this island all by herself. She had come prepared, stocked with enough ammo to take on a small army.
Stepping off the boat she readied her assault rifle and crept along a trail, listening for anything out of the ordinary.
And then she heard the low rattle that quickly turned into a thunderous rumble.
Was Umbrella already set up on the island? She had to find out before any more of their horrors could be unleashed upon the world.
The rumble grew louder as she got closer and the agent arrived at a clearing just in time to watch an ancient temple crumble into nothing.
She wondered what could have been behind all of that, until her thoughts were interrupted by the cocking of a gun and she turned to find a brunette woman in a brown halter top and matching shorts pointing a gun at her. There was also a large burlap sack tucked beneath her other arm she couldn't help but notice.
The mysterious woman furrowed her brow at her.
"You will not take this away from me!" she shouted in a thick British accent before squeezing the trigger.
Her instincts honed from years of combat, Jill sensed what was about to happen and she moved at the last second, the bullet knocking her cap from her head. Maintaining her cool in the face of near death, she dove for cover behind a weathered stone before popping out and firing a barrage from her A2.
Lara dove for cover behind a stone pillar and waited until the shooting let up before popping out to fire more rounds at her attacker and then rolling for cover behind a heavily cracked stone wall to reload her handgun. She peered through the crack for any signs of her opponent and then watched the woman pop up and fire above her. The treasure hunter winced as she was pelted by wooden splinters, but then looked up to see she had been firing at some weakened boards above her and some large rocks were about to come tumbling down.
Lara was again sent bolting and barely managed to roll out of the way of another large rock that came her way, dropping her HK USP in the process and forcing her to draw her Mini Uzi. She watched her target emerge and unleashed a rapid fire barrage upon the fleeing Jill, peppering the ground behind her as she bolted through the tall grass, yet failing to strike her.
Jill dove for cover behind an old tree trunk and fired off more rounds from her A2 until her rifle clicked dry. With no time to reload, she grabbed her MP5A3 and resumed her rapid fire flurry, again forcing Lara into temporary cover behind another tree as the archaeologist expended her latest magazine and reached into her utility belt for another. Having loaded a new clip, she bolted again as Jill's rounds tore through the brush behind her and ran up along a splintered tree before performing a graceful flip and firing off another barrage before her submachine gun clicked empty, one of her rounds grazing Jill's side.
The BSAA agent grimaced in pain and struggled to keep her cool before firing another barrage that managed to knock the uzi from Lara's hand. The treasure hunter grunted in frustration and drew the M4 Colt Commando strapped to her back, engaging her adversary in another back and forth gunfight that would end once Jill's MP5A3 ran out of ammo.
Forced to draw her Samurai Edge, Jill peeked out again to see her opponent retreating back towards the beach and she stepped out to fire a trio of shots, one of which managed to graze Lara's thigh, yet still she kept running as fast as she could and the agent resumed her pursuit.
Jill returned to the clearing, yet the mysterious woman was nowhere to be found. Tapping on her earpiece she was prepared to contact the home base when she barely dodged the sharpened pick directed at her face.
Lara lunged at her with an animalistic roar and went for a downward strike that Jill leaped backwards to avoid. The BSAA agent raised her Samurai Edge and fired two shots at Lara, but the treasure hunter rolled out of the way to avoid the bullets and rose up to deliver a backhanded strike that knocked the gun from Jill's hands and sent her falling backwards onto a hollowed out tree trunk.
Jill winced as a fresh wave of pain shot down her spine, yet she was forced again to move quickly as Lara swung her climbing axe downward. She barely managed to roll out of the way just in time and the axe's pick was stuck in the fallen tree. Out of desperation, the agent reached for her KA-BAR combat knife as Lara struggled to free her axe and plunged the blade into her gut.
Lara cried out in pain as she felt the cold steel and grasped Jill's arm, yet the agent was determined to finish her off and with a mighty grunt pushed the blade farther into her stomach, twisting it slowly. The sick ripping of flesh followed and Jill gritted her teeth as her opponent's nails dug deeper into her arm, yet there was no way she was giving up.
The seconds that followed seemed like hours before Lara spat up a mouthful of blood and relaxed her grip upon Jill's arm, falling backwards into the sand with a pool of blood forming beneath her.
This was the end of the Tomb Raider.
With another opponent defeated, Jill Valentine raised her bloodied knife into the air and roared in victory.
XXXXXXX
Winner: Jill Valentine
Jill Valentine:
Beretta M92F "Samurai Edge:" 47
MP5A3: 101
Steyr AUG A2: 330
KA-BAR: 42
Total: 520
Lara Croft:
HK USP Match 9mm: 60
Mini Uzi: 98
M4 Colt Commando: 297
Climbing Axe: 25
Total: 480
"It was another very close match up we had, but in the end Jill prevailed thanks in part to the longer effective range of her A2 and the versatility of her combat knife. You also have to factor in her more professional military and law enforcement training, whereas Lara was largely taught by private tutors. However, she did not make things easy thanks to her Olympic-level conditioning and abilities," Bradley explained.
"I'm not gonna let some geek with a computer tell me Lara would lose. She has done more than this Valentine lady could ever dream of!" Kurtis spat angrily.
"This just goes to show that no matter what you throw at Jill, she will always come out on top in the end," Chris nodded proudly.
(The final scene shows Jill strapping herself in as the BSAA helicopter departs the island.)
XXXXXX
Next time on "Fictional Deadliest Warrior" it's a battle of two vile terrorist organizations:
(A man in a blue uniform with black boots and matching gloves points an assault rifle at the screen. A blue helmet with a black balaclava obscures his face and a crimson red cobra head is emblazoned across his chest.)
COBRA: The fanatical organization hell bent upon world domination...
vs.
(A man in a green jumpsuit accentuated with yellow lines, green helmet and goggles with red lenses raises both his fists and shouts at the camera.)
HYDRA: The vile terrorist organization who will stop at nothing to reshape the world in their image.
Who will be...THE DEADLIEST WARRIOR?!
Author's Note: For the random legal jargon, all references to Jill Valentine and "Resident Evil" are owned by Capcom.
All references to Lara Croft and "Tomb Raider" are owned by Crystal Dynamics.
With apologies to all the "Tomb Raider" fans. I was well aware this could be a very polarizing match up.
Until then, read and review. As always, this is Metal Harbinger saying SPREAD THE SICKNESS, ONE MIND AT A TIME!