Author's Note: And once again your friendly neighborhood Metal Harbinger has emerged from hibernation to bring you another offering of fictional warriors duking it out!
I will be honest in saying that I hadn't followed Jonah Hex as closely as some other comic book characters, so I had to do quite a bit of researching on him and get some help once again from Poseidon Productions (who pointed out an error I made with one of the long range weapons) and am hoping that all turns out well.
I would say that his appearance here is largely based upon his original "New Earth" incarnation that ran from 1985 to 2011 as opposed to the succeeding "Prime Earth" continuity that started in 2011.
So until then, read and review!
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(A haggard looking man with blond hair and the right side of his face heavily disfigured stands clad in a gray Civil War cavalry hat, matching duster, gray button up shirt, blue pants and brown boots, pulling out a revolver and pointing it at the screen.)
Jonah Hex: The legendary bounty hunter of the western frontier who hunted the most dangerous criminals of the time...
(Jonah is shown gunning down a bandit with a blast from his lever-action shotgun.)
vs.
(A man with scars on his face, neck length black hair and matching stubble stands clad in a tan shirt, blue sleeveless vest, gray pin-striped pants, black boots and a matching hat with a feather sticking out, pulling out a pump-action shotgun.)
John Marson: The former outlaw who was forced to take up his guns again to save his family, yet paid the ultimate sacrifice.
(John is shown gunning down a man in a duel.)
WHO IS DEADLIEST?!
To find out, we've assembled a team of world class fighters to test history's most lethal weapons. Using 21st century science, we'll see what happens when two warriors go toe to toe.
No rules. No safety. No mercy. It's a duel to the death to decide who is...THE FICTIONAL DEADLIEST WARRIOR!
Here in our elite fight club we have gathered doctors, medical scientists and weapons experts to test out the lethal arsenals wielded by each of our combatants to determine who would win a fight between two warriors who never met in a face to face duel:
Jonah Hex
First Appearance: All-Star Western Vol. 2, #10
Lifespan: 1838 – 1904
Height: 5' 11"
Weight: 189 lbs.
John Marston
First Appearance: Red Dead Redemption (2010)
Lifespan: 1873 – 1911
Height: 6'
Weight: 190 lbs.
"Today we will be having ourselves a good old fashioned Wild Western shootout when we pit Jonah Hex, the feared bounty hunting antihero of the DC Universe, against John Marston, the former outlaw of 'Red Dead Redemption' who was charged with hunting down his former colleagues in a bloody tirade through the American Southwest," biomedical scientist Bradley Foster explained.
"Both of these men are the very definition of the Wild West. They are as tough and rugged as can be, something you absolutely had to be in an untamed frontier. They are both expert horsemen, marksmen, trackers and survivalists," trauma doctor Joseph Kaiser followed.
"We're going to be seeing revolvers, shotguns, rifles and melee weapons brought into play, weapons that required you to be quick and be accurate. The West is going to rise again for this battle," computer expert Eddie Cortez continued.
"These men are very similar to each other. This is going to be a close match up," Bradley concluded.
The camera cuts to a woman with her long blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail. She is wearing a gray collared shirt, blue jeans, brown cowboy boots, leather shooting gloves, and a gray cowboy hat. She has a pair of Single Action Army revolvers in hand that she is practicing some quick draws with.
On hand to represent Jonah Hex is his descendant Joanna Hex.
As Hex's last living descendant, she provides encyclopedic knowledge of the famed bounty hunter and his seemingly inhuman exploits.
"Just hearing my great-great-great-grandfather's name was enough to strike fear into the hearts of even the most notorious of outlaws. This Marston fellow has no idea what he is getting himself into," Joanna confidently proclaimed.
Nearby is a dark-haired man with a handlebar mustache. He is clad in a red and black plaid shirt, black leather vest, blue jeans, white cowboy boots and a black cowboy hat. He finishes loading the last of his bullets into a repeater rifle before cocking it and resting it against his shoulder.
Also representing the infamous bounty hunter is Bill Hickenbottom.
A champion gunslinger and sharpshooting expert, Bill will be on hand to test the very weapons Jonah would have used throughout his numerous exploits in the harsh American frontier.
"Jonah Hex possessed a skill that bordered on superhuman. There were people who honestly thought he wasn't even human at all," Bill explained.
Born into an abusive household in 1838, Jonah Hex was sold into slavery with the Apache tribe at an early age. It was under their guidance he learned the combat and survival skills that would make him a deadly killer years later, living among them until he saved the chief from a puma and was thus granted his freedom. Upon entering adulthood he would fight for the Confederacy during the American Civil War and then following the war's conclusion, made his way into the Western territories. It was after drowning his sorrows in a boom town saloon where he murdered the outlaw Lucas "Mad Dog" McGill.
"That was a life changing moment for him. He realized a man could make a lot of money by tracking down and apprehending wanted felons. It was that very moment that inspired him to take up the bounty hunting trade and the rest as they say, is history," Bill explained.
Carrying out a career that would span roughly 40 years, Hex went on to hunt some of the most dangerous criminals of his day, including embarking upon adventures that took him into the future and had him crossing paths with renowned heroes such as John Constantine, Swamp Thing, and even Superman, continuing up until his eventual murder at the hands of George Barrow.
"He was a killer, but he was bound to a personal code of honor to protect and avenge the innocent," Joanna concluded.
The infamous bounty hunter rides into battle with an arsenal fit for a one-on-one duel or a full out gun battle:
Short Range: Single Action Army Revolver
Mid-Range: Winchester Model 1887 Shotgun
Long Range: Winchester Model 1886 Repeater
Special Weapon: Tomahawk
But today, the bounty hunter is matched against an equally formidable adversary who endured his own share of violence in an unforgiving land.
The camera cuts to a young man sharpening a Bowie knife on a whetstone. He has shaggy brown hair covered by a tan cowboy hat and is wearing a dark blue button up shirt, light blue jeans and black cowboy boots.
Up first to represent John Marston is his descendant, Jacob Marston.
Coming from a line of gunslingers, Jacob brings first-hand knowledge of the shooting and survival skills that made his ancestor famous.
"My great-great-grandfather was a man who sought redemption for his old ways, yet no matter how hard he tried, he was always drawn back into the violence. It was a hard life that made him the ruthless fighter that he was," Jacob explained.
He is joined by a middle-aged man with sandy blond hair and a thick mustache, wearing a white cowboy hat, tan button up shirt, blue jeans and white cowboy boots. He loads the last round into a bolt-action rifle before pointing it off to the side.
Joining him will be author and historian, Tom Remington.
A long-time scholar on the American West, Tom has studied the exploits of John Marston, from his days with the Van der Linde Gang, up until his forced recruitment by the Bureau of Investigation.
"John Marston fell into a life of crime at a very early age. He was a fighter from the get go and it was in that amount of time he had amassed an entire lifetime's worth of combat that made him one of the most formidable gunfighters of the West," Tom explained.
Born in 1873 to a Scottish immigrant father and a prostitute mother, John would be orphaned at an early age and sent off to an orphanage, from which he would run away and eventually end up being rescued from certain execution by Dutch van der Linde. Adopted into his gang of outlaws, John was taught everything he knew about survival, quickly establishing himself as one of the gang's best fighters. What started out as a Robin Hood-like existence of stealing from the rich and giving to the poor would soon take a darker turn as Dutch's sanity started to slip.
"Dutch van der Linde was like a father to John. For years John and the gang loyally followed him, believing in his romanticized vision of a 'savage utopia.' This would end as he grew more disillusioned. The gang took a more violent turn and John would be left for dead following one botched final robbery. He would try to leave the criminal life behind, yet it would be one final hunt that would have his violent past catching up to him," Tom explained.
After successfully tracking down and killing his treacherous former associate Micah Bell in 1907, John would live a quiet existence as a rancher for the next few years until his family is kidnapped by members of the Bureau of Investigation and he is forced into tracking down surviving members of his former gang. It isn't too long after his final confrontation with Dutch van der Linde he is double crossed by government agent Edgar Ross and dropped in a hail of gunfire during a brave final stand at his ranch.
"He did what was asked of him and he did it to deadly precision, yet he was betrayed and hunted down. He knew his time was limited, but still he marched forth ready to face his fate and did what he could to make his last few moments count. He laid down his life so his family could be free and in the process, John Marston became a legend," Jacob concluded.
The former outlaw carried an arsenal left over from his past life, one he still utilized to protect those he loved:
Short Range: Double-Action Revolver
Mid-Range: Pump-Action Shotgun
Long Range: Bolt Action Rifle
Special Weapon: Bowie Knife
When both of these warriors stood in a duel, they relied upon trusted revolvers to get the job done. Up first will be Jonah Hex with the Colt Single Action Army Revolver.
(Jonah has dual revolvers out and guns down several outlaws in succession while fighting them at an abandoned mining camp.)
Colt Single Action Army
Single-Action
Weight: 2.31 lbs.
Length: 12.5 in.
Cartridge: .45 Long Colt
Feed System: 6 Shots
"This is among the first generation of the single-action model and one of the many types of guns used by Jonah Hex during his days hunting through the Wild West. He was known for being fast on the draw and it was said he could drop multiple foes before any of them could get off a shot," Bill explained pulling out both revolvers and twirling them before slipping them back into his holsters with practiced efficiency, "His reflexes were so strong he was proven to be faster on the draw than Wild Bill Hickok."
"But unlike your gun, John wouldn't have to cock the hammer after every single shot. His gun brings advanced technology and with it, a faster rate of fire that would leave Jonah sucking dust," Tom replied.
Answering the challenge, John returns fire with a fast firing revolver that would become the official sidearm of the U.S. Army, the Double-Action Revolver.
(John shoots down an attacking bandito with rapid shots in succession from his revolver.)
Double-Action Revolver
Double-Action
Weight: 2 lbs.
Length: 11 in.
Cartridge: .38 Long Colt
Feed System: 6 Shots
"This gun had been in use for a notable period of time before John got his hands on one of these and it became one of his most trusted sidearms during his campaign in Mexico," Tom explained showing off one of his revolvers.
"Well it's time to put these guns to the test to see which is the better one and we've arranged a scenario where a bank is being robbed," Bradley explained motioning towards a shooting range that looked like the recreation of a 19th century bank with multiple targets present. "We have 3 outlaws and 2 civilians present and you've got 6 rounds in each gun to prove your point. Bill, you're up first."
"Gotcha," Bill said getting into position.
"Alright Bill, on 3...2...1, shoot 'em up!"
Bill drew his guns and fired into an outlaw target that had been holding a civilian target hostage and then focused on the other two targets in a flurry of bullets that tore through the chests and faces of the other outlaws before his guns clicked empty and he holstered them.
"Damn...that was like lightning," Bradley commented before looking down at his stopwatch, "And it was all done in 7 seconds."
Dr. Kaiser made his way over to assess the damage done, starting with the first outlaw target.
"Right away I notice a bullet wound through this man's cheekbone, in perfect position to sever his brain stem for an instant kill shot. Another shot goes right between the eyes, too perfect," the doctor commented before making his way over to assess the other targets.
"With our second outlaw I am seeing a severed left ventricle for another instant kill and our last guy has his heart and lungs torn apart by numerous rounds. Good job," the doctor concluded.
"We also measured your draw speed and you did so in one quarter second, which is faster than anyone can get out of the way," Eddie commented.
"Well as they always said about Jonah, they figured he had a quick drawing ability that verged on superhuman," Bill chuckled.
"Feeling intimidated at all?" Bradley asked looking over to Tom.
"I can't deny the evidence, but the double-action is just as effective and will cut those outlaws down just as fast," the Marston expert replied.
"Well, here's your chance. It's the same test for you and the time to beat is 7 seconds. Think you're up to the challenge?" Bradley asked.
"Do I look scared?" Tom replied and took his position at the firing line.
"Alright Tom, on 3...2...1, open fire!"
Tom drew his revolvers and pumped a few rounds into the first outlaw before switching his aim on the other targets and firing a flurry of rounds that struck them in their chests and left a gaping hole in the last target's forehead before he holstered his guns.
"Very impressive," Bradley commented before looking down to his stopwatch, "7 seconds, you just barely tied it up."
"Our first guy you went high with, striking him multiple times in the chest, neck and face. He's dead before he hits the ground," Dr. Kaiser commented before making his way over to the other targets.
"With our second guy, all the air from his lungs is gone, dead with seconds," he commented before observing the gaping hole left in the last target's forehead, "I think you pulled off a double shot with this guy judging by the extra width I wouldn't normally expect from a .38 round. Altogether we've got 3 kills."
"We reviewed your draw footage as well and saw that you were only behind Bill by a quarter second. That could be a bit of a challenge for your guy in the end," Eddie commented.
"John Marston might not have been the quickest, yet he still had this innate ability about him that was observed by those he fought alongside. No matter the case, multiple men were on the ground sucking dirt by the time he holstered his guns," Tom replied.
"Granted, I'm impressed by what I've seen with both of these tests, yet this is the Wild West we are talking about here and both of these men were also expert horsemen and in a time dominated by mounted combat, I'm eager to see how well both these guns would have performed on horseback," Bradley commented.
On cue, both Joanna and Jacob ride up to the panelists on their respective horses.
"We've already seen what these guns can do on foot, but we want to see how effective these guns can be from horseback and we've set up 5 outlaw targets and you've got 6 bullets each to prove your point," Bradley explained as he motioned towards the targets, all of which displayed images of outlaws pointing rifles back at the shooters, "Joanna, you're up first."
"Right," she said getting into position and readying her Colt.
"On 3...2...1, open fire!"
Joanna willed her horse to a gallop and readied her gun as she made her pass, methodically unloading her shots into the targets before making her way back around to the panelists.
Dr. Kaiser made his way over to assess the damage done, "With your first target you managed to put a bullet in the dead center of his face for an instant kill shot. With your second target I see a shot to the lung, a mortal wound that will lead to an eventual death. With your third target you are striking the carotid artery for a quick bleed out and just barely. With your fourth target, it's another round through the cheekbone, leading to another severed brain stem. For your final target, it's two to the chest for another kill. Altogether you have 5 kills, 4 instant and 1 delayed."
"Jacob, you are up," Bradley called out to the other Marston expert.
"Don't worry, I'll have this done in no time," Jacob smirked before turning his attention to Joanna, "I'll give you a good show."
"Keep it in your pants, kid," Joanna scoffed.
"On 3...2...1, open fire!"
Jacob willed his horse to a gallop and sped towards the targets, firing his rounds in quicker fashion thanks to his gun's double-action mechanism, before circling around and making his way towards the gathered panelists.
Dr. Kaiser made his way over to the targets and assessed the damage, "With your first target you managed a picture perfect shot that is puncturing his man's windpipe. He'll be done in seconds. With your second target however, I see no damage at all. We have a miss."
"Not good," Eddie commented.
The good doctor continues his assessment, "With your third target, you manage to come roaring back with a round right through his eye for an instant kill shot. Our fourth target, I am only seeing damage done to his elbow. It's going to disarm him, but not kill him. With your final target, one of your shots misses the mark, yet you manage to strike him in the forehead for another kill shot. Altogether you have 3 fatalities, 1 wounded and one man able to continue the fight."
"That's what happens when you get cocky," Joanna smirked towards Jacob, who only grunted in frustration.
Both revolvers showed off their killing potential, but where do our panelists stand?
"This is another case where I found myself wanting to like a gun based upon it having the more advanced technology, but the greater stopping power of the Single-Action Army leaves me giving the edge to Jonah Hex," Bradley started.
"I find myself agreeing with you on this one. The Double-Action has the faster rate of fire, but without the power to back it up, I'm finding myself giving the edge to the Colt Single-Action," Eddie seconded.
"Greater power equals greater trauma. Edge Colt Single-Action Army," Dr. Kaiser concluded.
In short range weapons, Jonah Hex takes the edge with the Colt Single Action Army revolver.
Coming up, it's lever-action versus pump-action when two shotguns are drawn as the shootout continues in a battle to determine who is "Fictional Deadliest Warrior!"
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The time has now come for both warriors to unleash their mid-ranged arsenal. John Marston will start things out with a shotgun that can kill as fast as the shooter can act, the Pump-Action Shotgun.
(John is shown gunning down a highwayman ambushing him along a country road with an up close shotgun blast.)
Pump-Action Shotgun
Pump-Action
Weight: 8 lbs.
Length: 39 in.
Cartridge: 12-gauge
Clip Size: 5 Rounds
"This is an improvement over the lever-action shotguns of the day," Tom explained showing off his shotgun, "This gun can 'slam fire' due to not having a trigger disconnector, meaning it allows the hammer to strike as soon as the action is operated if the trigger is still depressed. It allows the gun to fire as fast as the user can pump the shotgun."
"We want to see how effective both guns are when put to use and we've devised a special test for this weapon," Bradley started.
On cue, a recreated 19th-century stagecoach came riding into view with Jacob at the reins.
"Because attacks by bandits and hostile natives were common in the days of these men, shotgun messengers were employed to help guard the valuable shipments being transported and it was there the phrase 'riding shotgun' was derived from. Tom, you are going to be riding shotgun as the stagecoach will be attacked by a gang of 'bandits' looking to get the shipment inside. You have 5 shots so make them count."
"You got it," Tom said climbing up and taking a seat next to Jacob.
"Alright, you guys ready?" Bradley called out.
Jacob nodded and Tom flashed a thumbs up.
"Then on 3...2...1, go!"
Jacob willed the horses to move forth down a seemingly empty road when a foam target suddenly popped out from behind a large rock on their right, but Tom quickly pumped the shotgun and fired two rounds of buckshot into the dummy's chest. They proceeded further past a tree when another foam target emerged from some foliage below, but was halted by a shotgun blast to the face. The coach then continued until it approached a wooden bridge, where two foam targets emerged simultaneously from both sides of the road. Tom set his sights first on the right hand target with a blast to its gut before turning his attention to the left target and firing a blast into its sternum.
"Done!" Tom called, out of ammo.
Dr. Kaiser made his way over to assess the damage done to the targets, putting on some gloves and wiping away all the stage blood covering the first.
"This is just gruesome, but it shows some good shooting while on the move," the doctor commented.
"Drive-by, Wild West style," Eddie added.
Dr. Kaiser moved over to the second target and had to search the ground before picking up the shredded remnants of the second target's face, "You literally blew this guy's face off. D.O.A."
He then examined the last targets, "We have one guy who will be on the ground struggling to hold his guts in...and that's if he would even be capable of lifting his hands, and then we have another guy with his sternum turned to dust an all organs underneath shredded. All in all you have 4 kills."
"The quicker rate of fire was evident as we watched the replay. You're right, that gun was moving faster than you were, Tom," Eddie added.
"Team Hex, your thoughts?" Bradley asked looking over to Joanna and Bill.
"While he might be able to get the job done, my ancestor used a gun that had been a tried and proven killer by the time the Van der Linde Gang got their hands on that gun," Joanna said readying her own shotgun.
Answering the challenge, Jonah Hex returns fire with Winchester Model 1887, one of the first successful repeating shotguns.
(Jonah is shown gunning down an outlaw who attempted to ambush him while he was playing cards in a saloon, drawing the Winchester with lightning speed.)
Winchester Model 1887 Shotgun
Lever-Action
Weight: 8 lbs.
Length: 39.25 in.
Cartridge: 12-gauge
Clip Size: 5 + 1 Round tubular magazine
"This was another popular gun of the day that could drop any bandit or wild animal that would come your way on the trail. This was the only bodyguard Jonah needed," Joanna said showing off the shotgun.
"It's the same test for you, Joanna. You've got 6 shots and 4 kills to beat. When you are ready," Bradley spoke.
"Always," Joanna replied as she climbed into the passenger seat of their own stagecoach, where Bill waited with reins in hand.
"Team Hex, are you ready?" Bradley called.
Both of them shot a thumbs up back.
"Then on 3...2...1, roll out!"
Bill willed the coach forward down the empty road, until the first foam target popped out from behind the large rock and Joanna responded by firing two shots, one that caught the dummy in the chest and another that blew its head to bits. The duo continued further down until they passed the tree and another target emerged from the foliage beneath, only to be halted as a blast from Joanna's shotgun left a cluster in its chest. It was finally time for them to approach the wooden bridge and on cue the last two targets emerged simultaneously. Joanna fired a burst through the left target's stomach before setting her sights on the final target and pumping her last two shells into its gut and chest respectively.
"Done!" she called out.
Dr. Kaiser made his way over to assess the damage done, starting with the first target and inspecting the numerous holes left behind before looking down at the splintered remnants of the target's head. "Well, I don't need to guess any further with this guy. Your first shot would have shredded this guy's heart and right lung at the same time, but then you turn his head to a pulp. Either way, he's finished."
He then made his way over to inspect the damage done to the other targets, all felled by body shots. "These blasts are just as perfect as can be. All these fellows will be taking a one way trip over to Boot Hill," the good doctor reported.
Both shotguns proved their deadly might, but where do our panelists stand?
"Granted, the Model 1887 does carry an extra round compared to the pump-action, yet the pump-action's 'slam fire' element gives it a faster rate of fire that leaves me giving the edge to John Marston on this one," Bradley started.
"I disagree and am calling it even on this one. Both of these shotguns are too evenly matched in my book, despite their different actions," Dr. Kaiser countered.
The tiebreaker now falls down to Eddie.
"I'm siding with Bradley on this one. The pump-action shotgun's faster rate of fire wins the match for me," Eddie concluded.
In mid-ranged weapons, John Marston takes the edge with the Pump-Action Shotgun.
Coming up, the gun that won the West takes on an early bolt-action killer. Then later on, Jonah Hex versus John Marston in a battle to determine who is "Fictional Deadliest Warrior."
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The time has now come for both warriors to bring out their long ranged arsenals. When Jonah Hex faced the threats of the wild frontier, he relied upon The Gun that Won the West, the Winchester Model 1886.
(Jonah is shown raising the Winchester and dropping down a trio of thugs who were about to have their way with a woman, all in one fell swoop.)
Winchester Model 1886
Lever-Action
Weight: 9 lbs.
Length: 44.5 in.
Cartridge: .45-70 Government
Clip Size: 9 Rounds
"This is, as they say, The Gun that Won the West," Bill started showing the rifle off, "This particular model is the 1886, which continued the trend towards chambering heavier rounds, in addition to a stronger locking-block action. This gun would be used all the way up until the early days of World War I."
"The famed Winchester, today we are going to put it to the test against a band of outlaws who are attempting to steal a horse from a nearby pasture," Bradley said motioning towards a nearby enclosure surrounded by a wooden fence, where four foam targets stood around a fiberglass horse statue, "There are 4 moving targets altogether. Your objective is to eliminate the bandits without hitting the horse. We wanna see the accuracy, effective range and killing potential."
"You ain't got nothing to worry about," Bill said getting into position.
"Alright, ready the targets," Bradley called to Eddie, who flipped a few switches on his remote controller to get the enemy targets moving.
"Bill, are you ready?"
"Yeah!" he called back.
"Then on 3...2...1, shoot 'em up!"
Bill took aim and fired a round through the nearest target's chest before switching his sights and catching another in the side. He slowed his pace a bit and caught another target with a shot through the collarbone and then hit his fourth target in the face, tearing a huge chunk of flesh out just beneath its eye. With 5 more shots to go, he put an additional round through the head of the first target, followed by a round that went through the second target's eye, two more to the chest of the third target, and then another round through the last target's throat.
"Done!" Bill called back.
"16 seconds! Good job," Bradley called out.
Dr. Kaiser made his way over to go down along the line of bullet riddled targets.
"Your first guy isn't going anywhere. You got him as perfect as could be, right through his aorta for an instant kill. For his second shot, you've got a through and through and a severed brain stem. For the second target, he took a hit to his liver. It won't kill him right away, but it is a mortal wound. Your second shot though, that seals the deal. Your third guy has 3 shots, all of which would be instant kill shots. Your last guy is hit just beneath the eye and has his windpipe severed with the second shot. All in all, we've got 4 dead outlaws here and your horse is unharmed. Good job!"
"Damned impressive shooting," Eddie added.
"I'll admit, that was some good shooting, but he's carrying outdated technology compared to what I bring to the fight," Jacob spoke up.
John Marston returns fire with a battlefield advancement that took American warfare into the next century, the Bolt-Action Rifle.
(John is shown raising the bolt-action rifle and gunning down two Mexican Army soldiers guarding an important garrison.)
Bolt-Action Rifle
Bolt-Action
Weight: 9 lbs.
Length: 49 in.
Cartridge: .30-40 Krag
Clip Size: 5 Rounds
"This is the bolt-action rifle my great-great-grandfather used during his campaign in Mexico. It has the advanced bolt-action technology that allows it to reload faster and enables better accuracy and a farther effective range, which is why armies started to favor the bolt-action rifles over their lever-action counterparts," Jacob explained.
"It's the same test for you Jacob and because your rifle only holds 5 rounds compared to the Winchester, you will have 5 extra rounds on hand," Bradley explained.
"Fine by me," Jacob said as he took his position at the firing line.
"Eddie, ready the targets," Bradley called over to Eddie, who flipped a few switches on his remote control to get the new enemy targets moving.
"Alright Jacob, on 3...2...1, shoot 'em up!"
Jacob took aim and fired a round that blew a chunk out of the first target's chest before shifting his sights over to the next moving dummy and blew a crater sized hole into its stomach. He took aim at the third target and scored another direct hit that left a small hole through the center of his target's face and then scored a hit in the chest of the fourth target before firing his final shot through the face of the first target. It was then he was forced to kneel down and reload.
"The part I wasn't looking forward to," Dr. Kaiser commented.
"He'd be dead in an actual firefight," Bill told Joanna.
Jacob remained focused on reloading and loaded the new rounds, taking aim and firing into the chest of his second target before firing into the chest of the third target, followed by another round through the chest of his fourth target and his final round blowing another hole through the first target's face.
"Done!" Jacob called out.
"24 seconds," Bradley called back and Dr. Kaiser made his way over to assess the damage done to the hostile targets.
"There isn't much I can say other than these guys are all dead," he reported while observing the damage inflicted by the rounds, "I see greater trauma inflicted by your rounds," he said before inspecting the horse, "and our equestrian friend is left unharmed. All in all you have 4 kills."
"Time to start feeling intimidated," Jacob smirked.
"Don't get too far ahead of yourself. It ain't over yet," Bill replied.
Both rifles displayed their deadly accuracy and killing power, but where do our panelists stand?
"For me, the advanced technology and greater effective range of the Bolt-Action Rifle gives it the edge in my book," Bradley started.
"I'm with you on this. Greater accuracy and a more powerful round, edge Bolt-Action Rifle," Dr. Kaiser seconded.
"The only thing the Winchester has going for it is the extra rounds, but in everything else I give it to the Bolt-Action Rifle," Eddie concluded.
In long range weapons, John Marston takes the edge with the Bolt-Action Rifle.
Coming up, the battle gets up close and personal when melee weapons are introduced.
And then later, two legends of the West are resurrected for one final showdown.
XXXXXX
The time has now come for both warriors to unveil their special weapons. Up first will be John Marston with the legendary slasher of the Wild West, the Bowie Knife.
(John is shown drawing his Bowie knife and stabbing a member of Dutch's new gang repeatedly before slicing his throat open.)
Bowie Knife
Material: Steel Blade
Length: 9 in.
Weight: 1.5 lbs.
"This knife is an all-American classic," Jacob said drawing the blade from his holster and showing it off, "It was extremely versatile and in addition to being a weapon, could also be used as a utility tool. It has a clip point that allows for a quicker and deeper puncture upon insertion and allows for more control when cutting."
"We have a pig carcass set up for you to demonstrate your blade on and you have 15 seconds to inflict as much damage possible," Bradley said motioning towards a suspended pig carcass nearby.
Jacob nodded and got into position with his knife at the ready.
"On 3...2...1, cut 'em up!" Bradley called out.
Jacob launched himself forward, driving the blade into the pig's stomach and then pulling it downward to create a massive tear that left his target's intestines spilling out.
"Damn, look at the control that blade affords," Eddie commented while watching the spectacle.
Jacob pulled the blade out and stabbed the pig twice beneath both its upper legs before drawing it across the pig's throat in another gruesome tear. He suddenly stopped and began walking away, seeming he was done before his 15 seconds were up. Without warning, he spun around and flung the knife right into the disemboweled carcass, catching it in the side of its face.
"Time!" Bradley called out.
Dr. Kaiser made his way over to assess the damage done to the carcass, "Your first strike saw you disembowel this pig. No way in hell he's getting back up from that."
"And we were able to see the great deal of control you had over that blade as you tore through him, imagine if that had been a person," Bradley added.
Dr. Kaiser continued his assessment, "With the series of stabs that followed, you managed to get through this guy's ribs and in the process, you are obliterating his kidneys and collapsing his lungs. Then your slash across this guy's throat goes deep enough to sever both his jugular and carotid artery. Lastly, there was your throw, which goes right through his face and deep enough to sever his brain stem. All of your strikes would be instant or delayed kills."
"Talk about overkill," Eddie commented.
"In the Wild West, you had to do whatever it took to get the job done," Jacob replied.
"Then you should bring a better weapon, one with the reach to outmaneuver your little toothpick over there," Joanna spoke up.
"Are you confident you have the weapon to outdo the gruesome display we just witnessed?" Bradley asked.
"Absolutely," Joanna replied pulling her weapon from a loop on her belt.
Jonah Hex answers the Bowie knife's challenge with an iconic skull-splitting axe utilized by native tribes all over North America, the Tomahawk.
(Jonah is shown bringing his tomahawk down onto the skull of a Kiowa fighter before pulling it out and hacking into another warrior charging him.)
Tomahawk
Material: Wooden Handle, Iron Blade
Length: 14 in.
Weight: 2 lbs.
"My ancestor lived among the Apache for a time and it was through them he learned extensively about using the tomahawk in battle. It was one of the many weapons he trusted and this particular model is similar to the one he would have used in close combat.
"Alright Joanna, we are setting up a ballistic gel bust and you have 15 seconds to inflict as much damage possible," Bradley said motioning towards the nearby bust.
"Sure thing," Joanna said getting into position.
"On 3...2...1, hack 'em up!"
Joanna launched herself forward and brought the tomahawk down with a brutal swing on top of the bust's skull, tearing off the back of her target's head. Pulling the tomahawk out, she went for another swing into the side of its face that split the bone open and sent an artificial eye flying out. Pulling the blade out again she drove it into the bust's neck until she connected with the spine. Not satisfied, she drew the blade back again and struck hard enough to sever the head from the rest of the bust, sending it hitting the floor with a wet splat.
"And just in...Time!" Bradley called out.
"Hell hath no fury!" Eddie commented as Joanna casually flicked stage blood and gel chunks from her tomahawk.
Dr. Kaiser made his way over and picked up the severed head to assess the damage.
"Your first strike is an instant kill," he said before fishing around inside of what remained, "We've got a skull that has been split open like an egg and most of the brain destroyed. Your second strike obliterated this guy's orbital bone and goes deep enough to strike the brain. Your third blow would have been instant paralysis and quick blood lost and your last strike, self-explanatory."
"See? If your great-great-grandpappy wanted to stand a chance, he'd have to keep his distance," Joanna said twirling the tomahawk with a grace of a master, "Heh, even then he wouldn't stand a chance."
"John Marston was no pushover like all those nobodies Jonah Hex went after. He could take him anytime, anywhere," Jacob shot back.
"We'd better get to our vote," Eddie said looking on nervously from the sidelines.
Both warriors have shown off the lethality of their special weapons, but where do our panelists stand?
"Both of these weapons have their advantages. They can both slash and can both be thrown, but the Bowie knife can stab and the tomahawk has the greater reach, which is crucial in a close quarters battle. I'm calling this one even," Bradley started.
"I agree. They both have their special advantages that can put them on even enough ground," Dr. Kaiser seconded.
"I kind of wanted to favor the tomahawk due to its greater reach, yet you make a valid point and I'm inclined to agree," Eddie concluded.
In special weapons, our warriors are even.
As it is with all warriors, there is a critical X-factor that makes them who they are. For Jonah Hex, it was his adaptability.
"My ancestor was known to be a fast learner. Whether it was hand-to-hand combat, using new weapons, tracking a target, or even taking up new technology such as motor vehicles, it wasn't long before he had it mastered and that made him one of the deadliest fighters of the American West," Joanna explained.
For John Marston, it's his Dead Eye targeting.
"My ancestor had this strange thing about him where whenever he drew his gun, it was almost like time slowed down all around him. He called it the 'Dead Eye' and he became even deadlier with it after he trained under the famed gunslinger Landon Ricketts. It didn't matter whether he had a revolver, a rifle, a bow, or even throwing knives, it made him an even better shot," Jacob explained.
Coming up, it's an all out shootout between two Wild Western gunslingers to determine who will be "Fictional Deadliest Warrior!"
XXXXXXX
With our testing completed and our X-factors evaluated, we are now one step closer to determining who will be the "Fictional Deadliest Warrior."
Our team has tested 4 weapons wielded by Jonah Hex: the Single Action Army revolver, the Winchester Model 1887 shotgun, the Winchester Model 1886 Repeater, and the Tomahawk.
On the opposite side, 4 weapons used by John Marston were tested: the Double-Action Revolver, the Pump-Action Shotgun, the Bolt-Action Rifle, and the Bowie Knife.
In close range weapons, the greater power of the Single Action Army shot down the Double-Action revolver.
EDGE: Jonah Hex
In mid-ranged weapons, the Pump-Action Shotgun's faster rate of fire blew holes through the Winchester Model 1887.
EDGE: John Marston
In long range weapons, the greater effective range and power of the Bolt-Action Rifle took out the Winchester Model 1886 from afar.
EDGE: John Marston
And finally, both special weapons possessed similar abilities that kept them on even footing, and added advantages that kept both fighters from getting a definitive edge over the other.
EDGE: Even
Our scientists and weapons experts are done testing. The results are in and the time has come to decide who will be the victor. To ensure the battle won't be decided by a single lucky blow, the battle will be simulated one thousand times in a duel to the death.
Who will prevail in a gunfight between two legends of the West?
Gunslinger
(Jonah is shown drawing his Single Action Army revolver from its holster.)
vs. Gunslinger
(John is shown drawing his Double-Action Revolver from its holster.)
Danger Sense
(Jonah walks along the tracks in a mineshaft, yet stops when he senses the armed gunmen lying in wait nearby.)
vs. Dead Eye
(Time slows down as John draws his rifle and drops 5 attacking banditos.)
A ruthless vigilante
(Jonah is shown dropping a band of outlaws terrorizing people in a stagecoach, all of them falling in one flurry of gunfire.)
vs. A man seeking redemption
(John is shown pulling out his revolver and shooting down a thug about to stab a prostitute to death.)
"I'm pumped to see this fight take place. Time to find out who's gonna be taking a one way trip to Boot Hill," Eddie chimed in before typing a few commands and pressing the 'ENTER' key.
XXXXXXXXXXX
Somewhere in the vast deserts of Texas, the bounty hunter Jonah Hex rides alone through the harsh, unforgiving land, braving the intense heat and blowing sand surrounding him.
Instead, he remains focused on the bounty he has been tracking for the past few days and once again reaches into his satchel and removes the folded piece of paper within to study the man's image sketched on the front.
He makes sure to take in everything from the numerous lines crossing his face, to the thick mustache, to even the scar cutting through his right eyebrow.
Javier Escuella had been a wanted man for quite some time and his bounty had risen to two thousand dollars following his recent violent exploits south of the border. For the gunslinger, it wasn't just about the hefty bounty his head was worth. He was another no good killer and Jonah Hex wasn't going to stop until he was hanging by the neck for his crimes.
Jonah continued his venture until he spotted a ghost town in the distance and will his horse into a gallop that continued until he was pulling up to the front gates, the weathered sign hanging overhead left indecipherable from years of neglect.
However, it was when he spotted the fresh tracks in the dirt he knew he was on the right path and made his way down the abandoned main street until he took a left turn and was stopped dead in his tracks after hearing the signs of a struggle taking place.
There in front of him was the bounty, Javier Escuella down on his stomach and in the middle of being hog-tied by a scarred dark-haired man.
"What's the matter, Javier? Didn't cha' miss your old friend?" the man grunted as he finished the knot binding the Mexican hitman's ankles together.
The mystery man took notice of Jonah Hex's presence and looked up to him with narrowed eyes.
"Sorry friend, me and this fellow got some catching up to do," the man said keeping his hand near his holstered revolver, "You might wanna keep on ridin'."
"Go to Hell! That head is mine. Now step aside, kid!" Jonah snarled placing his hand on his own revolver.
Even from the distance, John Marston could see the disfigured man's hand going for his gun and he reached down for his double-action revolver, yet he was finding himself diving for cover as the man had drawn with seemingly lightning speed and sent a bullet sailing past his head.
John raised his guns and fired a barrage at the grizzled bounty hunter, but Jonah Hex was kept in the fight thanks to his speed on the draw and managed to land a round that grazed John's thigh and sent him retreating for his own mount.
Racing for his horse, John withdrew both his pump-action shotgun and his bolt-action rifle and listened for the sound of the rival gunslinger's galloping horse, yet he heard nothing and retreated into a nearby saloon.
Unknown to John, Jonah had dismounted his horse and was now stalking after him with his lever-action shotgun and Winchester repeater both on hand. He stood with both of his revolvers still at the ready and noticed the swinging front doors of the nearby saloon.
Proceeding with caution, Jonah made his way inside a long abandoned saloon and moved around the overturned tables and chairs littering the floor as he searched for any signs of the rival gunman. He carefully approached the bar counter and looked behind, yet no sign of his new enemy.
John Marston was present, kneeling down behind some discarded boards rested against the mezzanine railing, watching quietly as the disfigured gunman searched for him. He had both of his revolvers drawn and ready to spring when his foot brushed against an empty whiskey bottle and sent it rolling through a gap in the railing and crashing to the floor below.
Jonah whirled around at the shatter of glass – not from the bar, but coming from above him – and looked up to see the other gunslinger drawing both his revolvers simultaneously.
John knew he had been made and it was then everything around him took on a yellowish hue as he mentally tagged his opponent's pointed guns – perfecting the technique taught to him by Landon Ricketts – and opened fire, knocking both revolvers out of his hands.
Jonah cursed loudly at the jolts of pain coursing through his wrists as both guns were shot out of his hands. There was no time to ponder how the hell that happened as more bullets flew in his direction, forcing him to dive for cover behind the bar and draw his shotgun.
John came out of his trance and was forced back to the floor as multiple rounds of buckshot tore through the wood around him, showering him in splinters. He holstered his revolvers and drew his pump-action shotgun, waiting for the shooting to halt before rising to his feet and firing a blast at Jonah, who must have sensed his intentions and pulled himself over the bartop as more glass bottles exploded behind him.
Jonah muttered another quiet curse to himself as he struggled to reload his shotgun while wooden splinters and glass rained down from above. He needed to think fast and looked towards the ceiling, where an old chandelier hung overhead. Taking aim he fired a blast and the chandelier was sent falling to the floor.
John barely leaped out of the way as the chandelier came crashing down from above, but was left unarmed as his shotgun was crushed and sent scampering again as more blasts were fired in his direction. He was forced to again draw his revolvers and managed to squeeze off a few shots, one of them finding its way into Jonah's side and another grazing his left bicep before his shotgun was emptied and he was forced to retreat out the back door.
John drew his bolt-action rifle and proceeded after the rival gunman out the saloon's back door, proceeding with caution as he noticed the bloody hand prints on the nearby wall that led into another nearby opened door. He crept to the entrance and looked in to find a shadowy figure standing tall with the cavalry hat resting on its head and he opened fire, striking it through the back of the head.
Ejecting the spent casing, the gunslinger made his way into the shop, only to find he had entered what was once the town tailor and the 'person' he shot was actually a mannequin with Jonah's cavalry hat placed upon its head.
It was a setup and John looked over to find Jonah positioned in the window of an abandoned doctor's office across the street, taking aim with his repeater and firing a blast that tore a chunk off his earlobe.
John cried out in pain and pulled his hand away to find it saturated with fresh blood. The sight only served to further enrage him and he readied his rifle, only to duck for cover as more bullets pelted at the wood around him. He was seriously pissed off right now, but tried to control himself as he waited for the bullets to stop. He didn't know how many rounds his enemy's rifle carried, so it was a desperate situation and he wasn't sure if luck was on his side.
Jonah had to give it to him. This guy was a lot tougher than he had expected and a lot trickier too he thought to himself as he searched the abandoned tailor's shop, firing another round from his Winchester repeater when he suspected any sign of movement near the windows. He almost had to wonder if this fellow was another loser with a price on his head and if so, he would bring him another good bounty.
Even with the bullet lodged in his side he continued to fight on, firing another round as a shadow darted from one window to the next, only stopping when a bullet smacked into the wooden trim next to him.
On the other side, John Marston still fought doggedly to bring down his challenger, yet was forced to halt his assault when his rifle clicked empty and he was sent fishing into his satchel for more rounds.
And then the gunfire suddenly stopped.
It was all too suspicious to John, yet he wasn't about to trying peeking out the window above him. Instead, he crawled on his belly towards the same back door he entered through and made his way into the adjoining alley and took cover behind some empty wooden barrels as he approached the street, yet saw no signs of the rival gunman from the doctor's office.
John dashed across the street and slid for cover behind a stack of wooden crates, listening intently for any signs of the disfigured gunman, but heard nothing and crept towards the front door. Taking a deep breath, he nudged the door open with his boot and stepped into an empty waiting room before making his way up the stairs and approaching the door where the doctor's office waited, his heart pumping and his adrenaline racing.
So intent was he on entering the office that he almost didn't make out the creak of the door opening behind him and he turned around only to be met by the stock of a repeater rifle being driven into his gut, followed by a gloved right hand being driven into his face before he was sent rolling back down the stairs and hitting the wall with a thud.
John Marston found his world rocked by the ambush and he tried looking up, yet the world was spinning and he swore he could see six copies of the lone gunman rushing towards him at once with a tomahawk raised over his head.
"Yer head is mine, boy!" Jonah Hex snarled.
John shook the cobwebs out of his head and moved his head to the side before his skull could be split open, the tomahawk finding itself embedded in the wall behind him. He pulled himself to his feet and tried to punch Jonah, but the veteran bounty hunter knocked him backwards with a backhand and yanked his tomahawk out of the wall to take another swing at him, yet John back stepped and drew his Bowie knife.
The two men circled each other with weapons raised, unwilling to cede an inch.
Jonah was the first to strike with a blow directed at John's midsection, forcing him backwards into a table and knocking the emptied glass bottles and beakers all over the floor. With his opponent stunned, Jonah followed up with a kick to John's gut before lunging at him again.
Out of desperation, John shot his knife upward and was met by a wet tearing noise as his blade was driven through Jonah's hand, causing him to cry out in pain.
Jonah attempted to fight him off with his tomahawk, but John ducked low and it was then he noticed the bloodied splotch on the bounty hunter's side and drove his fist into the opened wound, causing his rival to drop his tomahawk. Pulling the blade out of his opponent's hand, John drove the knife into his gut before pulling it out again and drive it through the man's heart.
"You should've just kept ridin' along, friend," John said before pulling the knife out of his enemy's chest.
A sick gurgle was Jonah's only reply before he fell to the ground dead.
Pulling a handkerchief from his pocket, John wiped the blood from his Bowie knife before sheathing it and walking away.
XXXXXXXXXXX
Winner: John Marston
John Marston:
Double-Action Revolver: 121
Pump-Action Shotgun: 140
Bolt-Action Rifle: 238
Bowie Knife: 33
Total: 532
Jonah Hex:
Single-Action Army Revolver: 125
Winchester Model 1887 Shotgun: 120
Winchester Model 1886 Repeater: 183
Tomahawk: 40
Total: 468
"In a fairly close battle, John Marston was the last man standing thanks largely in part to his more technologically advanced firearms, which was increased further by the presence of his unique 'Dead Eye' ability.
"Jonah did not make this an easy match for John thanks to his quick drawing ability and his toughness in close quarters combat," Bradley concluded.
"This is all going based upon what some computer said, but I assure you that had John Marston ever met Jonah Hex in an actual battle, he would have been a dead man walking," Joanna Hex snarled.
"Jonah Hex was one tough customer, I'll give him that, but he still couldn't hold a candle to John Marston and that's why he is your deadliest warrior," Jacob concluded with a confident smirk.
(John Marston is shown hefting the bound Javier Escuella onto the back of his horse and then climbing on himself, taking off towards the nearest town to collect his reward.)
XXXXXXXXXXX
Next time on "Fictional Deadliest Warrior" it's a battle between two combatants representing fierce intergalactic warrior cultures:
(A humanoid beast with a metal mask and dreadlock-like appendages unsheathes a pair of wrist blades and swipes at the screen.)
Yautja Hunter: The merciless intergalactic apex predator whose entire culture is based upon hunting dangerous species for sport and honor...
vs.
(A tall, bipedal humanoid creature covered in a thick coat of hair and two bandoliers criss-crossing his chest. He pulls out a bowcaster and points it at the screen with a menacing roar.)
Wookie: The fearsome tribal warrior of the planet Kashyyyk who aided the Rebel Alliance during the Galactic Civil War.
Who will be...THE FICTIONAL DEADLIEST WARRIOR?!
XXXXXXXXXXX
Author's Note: I went by what was done in the RDR games in regards to giving such generic names to the firearms used by John Marston, but here is a list of the guns and the real-life counterparts which they were based upon:
Double-Action Revolver – Colt M1892
Pump-Action Shotgun – Winchester Model 1897
Bolt-Action Rifle – Springfield Model 1892 Krag-Jorgensen Rifle
I also ended up giving John his "Dead Eye" ability from the games since Jonah is described as having "almost superhuman" speed in regards to his quick drawing ability (then again, he probably has to have something that is "almost superhuman" given some of the characters he has interacted with in crossovers) and figured that would help put him on even footing with Jonah.
Aside from that I give you the usual legal jargon that Jonah Hex is owned by DC Comics and John Marston and all references to "Red Dead Redemption" are owned by Rockstar Games.
With apologies to any Jonah Hex and DC fans out there!
As always, read and review! Once again this is Metal Harbinger saying SPREAD THE SICKNESS, ONE MIND AT A TIME!