Hello, lovelies! I'm so sorry that I've been gone for so long. I ended up wiping myself out after finishing the Saga, and real life has been cracking at me since so that I've not had much luck with writing. But, I miss this story (and all my others!) so I'm coming back, bit by bit. See the bottom AN for some more updates. For now, let's jump back in!

Thank you to Mel for her incredible Beta work!

EIGHT

Bella

"The thirst for something other than what we have…to bring something new, even if it is worse, some emotion, some sorrow; when our sensibility, which happiness has silenced like an idle harp, wants to resonate under some hand, even a rough one, and even if it might be broken by it."

― Marcel Proust, Swann's Way

As far as I could tell, the Academy existed for one purpose: to train sociopaths.

Alice was unwilling to lend me a uniform at first, but after I'd shown her all of my damaged belongings, she'd finally caved. The uniform was criminally small on me, and based on the vulgar comments I'd gotten all day, it had not gone unnoticed by my peers.

I couldn't determine who exactly put me in that grave, but I did notice Angela and her friend shooting furious looks my way whenever they were nearby. I had to assume they were in on it, though I was not sure if the elite group they hung around had anything to do with it, or if the girls had used other lackeys as accomplices. It didn't seem like that group bothered with much, so I was inclined to think they weren't party to burying me alive, though that didn't mean the orders hadn't come from them.

I couldn't trust anyone.

After classes—and after realizing how dismally unprepared I was for this school—I headed straight for the library. I was smart; I had a 4.5 GPA back in Phoenix. But I was quickly realizing that grades meant absolutely nothing here. I didn't have the training these kids had, or the experience, or even the self-confidence. It didn't matter that I could write a brilliant essay on Chaucer if I couldn't talk about him in proper Old English. My entire self-worth had been based on a number for as long as I could remember. What was I supposed to do now that that number held no value?

The library was nearly empty when I finally found it, but that didn't mean I was comfortable sitting out in the open. I moved through the place, looking for a secluded desk where I might be able to study in peace.

In the end, there was one near the back. It looked a little shabby, like it was meant to be replaced years ago but was instead forgotten, but it was almost completely hidden from view of the main aisles, which was what I was looking for. I set my meager belongings on the desk, plopping down with a heavy sigh.

I wanted to sit there and feel sorry for myself, but what good would that do? I'd still be behind, and every moment that I was behind, they won. The thought spurred me into action, and I got up from my desk again, determined to prove every one of those sociopaths that I was not to be underestimated.

…

It was nearly midnight by the time I had to call it quits. I didn't know if the library had hours, but no one had come around and kicked me out yet. I scooped up the handful of books I was studying from, pressing them to my chest. Tomorrow, I had to find a backpack.

I made my way slowly out of the library, looking for any sign of students or staff. There was no one.

I didn't see any way to check books out, so I took them with me. I'd be back tomorrow anyway.

The route back to my room was slow because of the stack in my arms, but I blissfully didn't run into anyone.

My door was locked, but thankfully a key was one thing I still had. It occurred to me as I fiddled with the lock, that the only way the girls could have gotten in last night, since my lock appeared to be in working order, was that Alice let them in. The thought scared me, and when I slipped into the room, I shot her a dirty look through the dark.

She was asleep or at least pretending to be when I came in and locked the door behind me. I moved my stack of books to my desk and retrieved the butter knife I'd stashed away during lunch. I skipped dinner to be in the library, and though I was starving, I was glad I had the reprieve.

I slipped the uniform off, relieved to be able to breathe properly as I carefully folded it up and slid it under my pillow. I didn't trust that it wouldn't mysteriously vanish if I put it anywhere else. I slid the knife under my pillow too then glanced at Alice. I weighed my options for a second before deciding to risk going to the bathroom.

I was as quick as I could be, not wanting Alice to fuck with any of my stuff while I was not there.

I had one set of underwear, so I washed them in the sink, hanging them to dry overnight. It left me in nothing but my bra.

I took that off too washing it then hanging it to dry, so I was fully naked. I didn't like how vulnerable that made me, but it was better than wearing my last change of clothes and worrying about them getting ruined in the middle of the night. Instinct wanted me to think moment to moment, but reason told me to be smart. I was here for the long game, and I needed to make moves accordingly.

I slipped out of the bathroom, checked that the door was still locked, then headed to my bed, ensuring that everything was still where I left it. When I had it all confirmed, I slid under the covers, turning on my side to clutch the butterknife under my pillow.

My body was tense but fatigued, and even though I was nervous about being vulnerable and sleeping, it wasn't long before I passed out.

…

I was tired, but I'd trained myself to operate on very little sleep. I supposed it was the one thing all my hard work in high school did give me.

I was up about four hours after I went to sleep, checking on my drying clothes in the bathroom when I went in there to pee. My underwear was damp, but they were still there and intact, so I considered that a win.

I showered quickly before dressing and gathering my books again. I debated packing the knife as well, and then decide I don't want anyone taking it while I'm gone, so I slipped it between the pages of one of my books. Alice was still asleep, and I spared her one glance as I left our room. I didn't know what her deal was, but her aloofness made more sense to me now.

It was survival of the ruthless out here, and if you weren't cutthroat, keep your head down and become invisible.

My first stop this morning was the nurses' office. I wasn't sure where else to look for lost and found.

She was not in, of course, but to my surprise, her door was unlocked.

Checking the hall to make sure no one could see me, I slipped inside. It was a small office, with a desk in one corner and a door that had been left open across from it. Through the second door, I could see hospital beds set up, at least three, sectioned off by curtains hung from the ceiling. It looked like it was pulled right out of an ER.

I ignored the beds and looked around, hoping that there would be some sort of box with unclaimed items. There was nothing like that, though I did find toiletry bags with a toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, and a shampoo and conditioner set. I grabbed one, grateful to find at least that before I left her office.

A few steps later, I stopped in the hall when I saw a room with a thin bronze plate on the door labeled, LOST AND FOUND. Of course this bougie-ass school would have a whole room dedicated to the crap these kids lost.

I reached for the handle, relieved that it too was open, and pushed inside. There were tall racks on either side of the narrow room, and at first I was confused. The things in here looked like they were for infants: blankets, pacifiers, little hats, and mittens. Farther down, I saw other items, things I might need, so I pushed past the baby gear.

There was an old, tattered backpack on a shelf, and I grabbed it, near tears at the thought of being able to have a backpack again. It looked a little worse for wear, but I didn't care. I stuffed my books into it, relieved to have free arms once more.

When the books were in, I turned to search the shelves for clothes. I found four full uniform sets, though three looked too big for me, and the fourth looked like it might be even smaller than what I was wearing now. I left the small set and packed the three into my bag.

There were bins of undergarments, but I was not sure I could bring myself to use anything in there. Everything in the room smelled freshly laundered, but still.

Nevertheless, I poked around a bin of underwear, looking for anything I might be able to use. There was a bright pink thong at the bottom with tags on it still. It was a size smaller than what I wore, but I snatched it up. I dug around a little more, and I was able to come up with one more pair, and though they were my size, they seemed to be high-waisted and utterly unflattering. To my relief, they also still had tags on them. I couldn't blame the previous owner for never wearing them, and if I weren't desperate, I'd definitely pass. But I didn't have the luxury of being picky, so I grabbed them.

I was able to find a few mostly clean pairs of socks that would hold me over a few days and one hoodie and some yoga pants that were both too large but would be helpful to lounge in.

When I had the clothes stashed away in my new backpack, I turned my attention to the other shelves. There were plenty of old phones, though only some with chargers with them. I found an old iPhone that was about the weight of a brick. It had a charger with it, and it didn't seem to be damaged, so it had to be good enough for me. I searched the shelves for anything else useful, and after grabbing a handful of pens, some half-used notebooks, and a hairbrush with a broken handle, I headed toward the door. I had just reached for the handle when I spotted an old lock sitting tucked behind a shelf. It looked like a bike lock with a three-digit passcode, so I grabbed it.

My backpack was ridiculously heavy, so I headed back to my room to unload my new goods.

Alice was awake when I got back, and I glanced at her as I crossed the room to my wardrobe. She didn't say anything, which was normal. She barely said anything yesterday when she woke up to find mud all over our room and me begging her to borrow some clothes.

I put my new belongings in the wardrobe, pulling the bike lock through the handles when I was done. The code had been left open, so after assigning a new combination, I snapped it shut. I turned to look at Alice, who was pulling a hoodie over her uniform.

"I found more uniforms," I told her. "I'll give you this back when I can wash it."

She looked at me, her eyes falling to my chest before lifting back to my face. "It'll be too stretched out," she said flatly.

I stared at her, unsure how to take her words exactly. "I found another set in your size, if you want it?" I offered. I knew she was on scholarship, just like me. I doubted she could afford to just purchase a new set.

She shrugged noncommittally, bending over to pick up her backpack off the floor. It was not even seven yet. I wondered where she was going.

Without a word or glance back at me, Alice left our room. I frowned at the back of our door for a moment before pushing myself into movement. I pulled my new backpack over my shoulder and headed out, making sure to lock the door behind me on my way.

…

I was a corridor away from the library when a body turned a corner right in front of me, and I nearly collided into them. Large, hot hands wrapped around my shoulders, and I looked up at the boy everyone was always fawning over.

He was shirtless, covered in sweat like he'd just been working out. My eyes lingered on his toned chest before lifting up to meet his cocky gaze.

"Well, isn't this a good morning," he flirted.

"Let go of me," I said, trying to make my voice more firm than I felt.

He flashed me a smirk, his hands squeezing me slightly before he did finally let go. I wanted to take a step back from him, but that felt like giving in, and right now I'd rather die.

"Did you finally come to thank me properly?" he asked, one of his strong arms leaning against the wall beside us. It shifted his body so that he was somehow pressing me into the wall. How had he caged me so quickly?

"God, I didn't even know egos could be as big as yours," I snapped at him.

He grinned. "I've got something even bigger I'd love to share with you," he said, his hips shifting toward me.

I froze, my body going into a cold sweat, my eyes landing on his throat so that he couldn't see the panic in my eyes.

"Don't touch me," I breathed.

He didn't, and I could feel his eyes searching my face.

"What's your name, nova puella?"

I chanced looking up into his hypnotic green eyes, irked that he'd called me new girl in Latin. How pretentious could he be?

"You mean your sycophants haven't been bad-mouthing me to you already?"

He shrugged one shoulder. "They call you Trailer Trash."

I flinched, but in a strange way, I appreciated his honesty. It was a surprising turn of events, especially since it felt like he was made of complete bullshit. I blinked, my eyes falling to his shoulder again.

"Bella," I told him.

He shifted, and though he didn't back up, I suddenly felt slightly less crowded. I looked up to meet his gaze.

"I'm Edward," he said softly.

I stared at him, wondering what it was that he wanted from me. Surely it wasn't just about sex, right? There were girls lined up around the school to offer him that. He had no reason to seek it out from me.

"If you weren't looking for me, what were you doing?" he asked, shifting back a little more.

I took a deep breath, grateful for the space. "Going to study."

He stared at me. "You're not going to catch up."

His words weren't meant maliciously, I could see that, but they made me bristle all the same.

"I'll be fine," I snapped between clenched teeth.

His head cocked to the side. "Do you really believe that?"

I stared at him, at the moment, unsure of how to respond.

He shifted away completely and reached up to run a hand through his hair.

"I'll see you later, Nova. If you need a study break, come find me. I'm still up for a little show and tell," he said, shooting me a little wink before he started down the hall.

I turned to watch him go, frowning after him. He kept strolling down the hall, never once looking back, and after a moment, I forced myself to move.

It wasn't until I was settling at my desk in the library that I was able to name the look I'd seen in his eyes, right before he left: sadness.

A few things for you all.

1. I'm going to try to resume posting weekly for this story. I have a few chapters banked, and I'm praying I can keep up the pace, but real life is complicated and there may be little gaps again.

2. I've started publishing under the name M.R. Archer on Amazon and Amazon Vella. My old story, Vengeance, is now posting on Amazon Vella!

Thank you all for your support even through my little hiatus. It's meant so much to me!

Until next time! xx